Show Me The Money
by kurosora1984
Summary: Roxas always thought that love meant sex. Axel always thought that that sex meant girls. But when Axel finds himself falling hard for a male prostitute, he may very well lose everything for the one he loves. AkuRoku, Zemyx, cameos.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

And, first chaptered fic, here we go! I've got a few in the workings, but this one seems to be coming out the most smoothly right now, so I'll start putting it up.

Warning: Rated M for what's to come (and a little of what's already here)…and if you read my other stuff, you should know that I don't use the M rating for anything shy of Very M Stuff. OK? OK.

Special thanks to all those who have been so kind to review my one-shots so far. Love y'all!

And, without further ado!

* * *

"Hey Mister, you alone?"

Axel weakly lifted his head from his arms and tried to focus on the yellow blob addressing him.

"Hey, wanna have some fun?"

Fumbling to raise himself from the bar and focus on the source of the voice, Axel managed to discover a few wavering spots of blue in the yellow blob. He blinked hard, then tried it again. After a few more blinks, his eyes finally uncrossed themselves. He found himself staring into a white fur collar. Apparently his neck had gotten lazy while he was concentrating on his eyes.

"Mister?"

With a push of sudden effort, Axel managed to raise his head and focus briefly. He was met with a confused jumble of white fur, yellow blob, and blue spots – all floating in what resembled a group of hovering faces. He realized that Yellow Blob was asking him something, and he attempted to form a coherent answer.

"Uhhh…uhnnngh."

Axel thought the voice was smirking another question at him, but he wasn't sure what it asked, because he suddenly noticed that something felt nice…somewhere. As clarity (if it could be called that) began to drift toward him, he was able to determine that the Something was a hand, and it was running slowly up his inner thigh.

"What…?" Axel managed to mutter, confused, as he slowly put the situation together and watched Yellow Blob condense into one (still very fuzzy) face.

"I said, you wanna have a little fun?" As if to cut off Axel's attempt to ask what the giggling Yellow Blob meant, the hand suddenly reached its destination and began brushing seductively against something much much more interesting than Axel's inner thigh. The sensation provided Axel with enough focus to stutter a positive reply.

"Uh…oh…OK." Axel wasn't sure, but he guessed that this would keep the nice feeling from going away. He completely missed a triumphant smirk in the middle of Yellow Blob.

"Let's go someplace quieter then, kay?" The face that was Yellow Blob curled moist, pink lips in a smile and slid suggestively closer. Axel was in the process of producing another affirmative answer when an arm slipped around him and pulled him away from the barstool. Somehow, Axel managed to not hit the floor immediately, although that probably had more to do with the surprising strength of the shorter person supporting him.

As he was half-led, half-dragged toward a door at the far end of the bar, he heard the voice of Yellow Blob calling to someone else. Focused on keeping his feet beneath him, he didn't catch what the voice said.

-o-o-O-o-o-

_Shitfaced. Perfect._

Roxas was in a cheerful mood – his night was off to a good start. Nothing easier than a customer who was already too plastered to stay awake for his "service," and who would certainly not remember, when he woke up the next day, how his wallet had ended up empty. Grabbing a key from his boss, Roxas dragged his poor, unsuspecting client through the door and into the elevator that led upstairs to the rooms.

After a bit of a struggle getting the half-conscious taller man into the room and onto the waiting bed, Roxas set to work. First of all, act like he was actually going to do his job. If the client managed to remember anything, he'd need something that would help him make sense of his empty wallet tomorrow. Roxas dropped his fur-lined jacket on a chair and immediately stripped off his revealing belly shirt as well. Naked from the waist up, he slid onto the bed and crawled up to his dazed victim, ending in Start Position Three – straddling Victim's knees, chest brushing crotch, face directly over Victim's stomach.

Roxas checked his client's face. Half-closed green eyes and a slightly open mouth – a look of dazed curiosity. _Hm, he's less cross-eyed. Time for some lines._

"How ya like it, Hot Stuff?" Roxas busied his hands with the client's jacket and dress shirt while he let his sultry voice drip the cheesy lines to the stunned drunk. "Tell me what I can do for you." Roxas pushed himself forward, rubbing soft skin against the now-exposed chest and reaching the man's neck with his tongue in a long lick up the side of his throat and eliciting a slightly confused but pleasured whine. He then re-traced the same path with hot, open-mouthed kisses, sucking hard twice, drawing groans from the man beneath him, before reaching his jaw line, which he nibbled along toward the ear.

"You like that?" He whispered against the warm skin of the man's neck, just below his ear as he slowly ran his hands up and down the toned chest of the stranger.

Hazy eyes stared at him as Roxas raised his upper body, arching his back to display his beautifully soft chest, while simultaneously rubbing his hips down hard against his captive's and purring. The man shivered, and green eyes dropped to the thin chest in front of them and remained glued there for at least 20 seconds of uncomprehending silence, while Roxas' fingers lightly began tracing over the muscles of the man's chest. Finally, Axel managed to form a stuttering sentence.

"What…where your boobs at?"

Blue eyes boggled as Roxas fiercely pinched his own arm to keep from exploding with laughter in the stranger's face.

Fortunately for the amused boy, Axel only lasted five seconds longer before his neck gave up the battle and his head dropped backwards as he lost consciousness. Roxas giggled as he rolled off the bed, then grabbed a pillow to stifle his laughter. He thought he'd seen everything, but tonight…

"Idiot didn't even know what kind of place this is. Missing: straight guy, lost in a gay whorehouse!" Roxas chuckled as he set to work on the rest of his job.

First, pants. The man was out cold, and Roxas had his pants off in seconds. He _was_ a pro after all. He fished the wallet out of the back pocket and opened it. Grinning, he pocketed the contents – a little over 200 – and set to work undressing the client down to his boxers. He was feeling generous after his laugh, so he went with Tactic: One-Night Stand.

The man was left in his underwear, blanket thrown over him and clothes scattered about the room (tie over by the door). Roxas whipped out a lipstick, applied it to his own lips quickly, and left lipstick prints on mouth, face, neck, and chest. He made sure one shoe would be found on the other side of the room. (They were the shoes that had let Roxas know his prey wasn't some broke deadbeat – a rumpled suit came on many kinds of men, but clean shoes came on men who had jobs and probably money.) Finally, he left a note in curly, feminine handwriting on a cocktail napkin. (Hey, for Straight Guy, why not?)

_Darling,_

_Last night was truly wonderful for me. Sadly, it would never work out for us. I hope you understand. Thank you for being there anyway._

_Alice_

Roxas pulled his shirt and jacket back on, cleaned off the excess lipstick, and checked his hair in the mirror. As he left the room to return to work, he blew the unconscious idiot a kiss.

"Thanks for the tip, 'Darling'. Come see me again anytime."

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas had had a feeling tonight would be a good one. When he'd caught sight of the disheveled red-haired man at the bar (and noted the clean shoes – very important indicator on money) he'd been delighted at a chance to grab some cash without working. Not that Roxas would have hesitated even if he had to actually earn his pay…but this was just good business. Every customer he serviced meant a slightly more worn-out body. And a worn-out body didn't earn as much. If he could make some money in 20 minutes of concealed robbery without making use of his ass, instead of in an hour or more of doing who-knows-what, well, he had long ago learned not to complain. He had a whole routine of tactics to make sure his victims would never suspect they had been robbed by a slut. Tactic: One-Night Stand left robbery open as an option, but the blame was on the unknown partner – in this case, a woman. Who could just as easily have cleaned the victim out buying drinks at the bar instead of by literally emptying his wallet. It was up to the customer to figure it out. They had never remembered enough in the morning to make them come looking for a little blond slut.

"Hey Mama, I'm back." Roxas cheerfully addressed the whorehouse boss, who had provided the room key earlier.

"Get much?" His boss replied, turning to the young employee and distractedly running curved red fingernails through long, pink hair.

Smirking, Roxas handed the bills over.

"Good work, as usual." Marluxia snickered. "Now get outta here kiddo, and get the next one."

Grinning and winking, Roxas headed off to work his way around the bar again, looking for his next client.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel was having a very bad day.

Screw that, it was a very bad week. At least. Maybe it was the whole damn month. He had always hated March.

First his lousy stinking job transfers him from reporting for the local section of the paper to the broader district, covering a great deal more distance and royally fucking his already hectic working hours with added travel time. Then he catches Larxene with some brunette chick…and discovers why his girlfriend has been so cold lately. Finally, when all he wanted was to drown his sorrows with a buddy, Demyx's mom is rushed to the hospital (for some medical condition Axel completely failed to understand when Demyx tried to explain it in a rush over the phone) and Axel is left to drink himself into a stupor all alone. If that wasn't enough, he woke up in a very..._pink_ hotel room to a note that meant jack shit to his foggy brain. Oh, and did he forget to count the practically lethal hangover and the fact that _all his fucking money was gone?_

Very bad day.

Not the best day to come home to a rather cheap, dumpy apartment and find nothing but light beer in the fridge. Apparently Larxene had stopped by for her things, and had eaten the rest of the pizza Axel had saved. Brilliant. "I'll miss you too, _honey_," he growled, heading for the shower.

-o-o-O-o-o-

He might have taken a little comfort from the knowledge that the little blond reason for his suddenly lightened wallet was not having the best morning either. He had not had exactly _bad_ luck after Axel – he made a decent profit off of each customer and managed to fit in quite a few, even for a Friday night – but his luck had not extended far enough to make the night easy…or even tolerably pleasant. Roxas had been forced to put up with one filthy pervert after another for the rest of the night, almost right up until morning. His customers had been old, smelly, or just downright creepy – the last one of the night was clearly a sadist bent on hearing Roxas scream.

Roxas didn't work S&M, so his clients were not allowed to indulge such fantasies (there were two others in the house that handled that line of work), yet this one still seemed intent on finding ways to hurt Roxas without crossing the line.

By the time Roxas had finally gotten rid of his last client, donned a less flashy jacket to hide his revealing outfit, collected his earnings from Marluxia, and begun the chilly morning walk home, he was moody, exhausted, and in quite a bit of pain.

Unlocking his apartment door and entering, Roxas threw his coat on a hook and kicked his shoes at the wall. The apartment was small and nearly bare. The living room contained a small, dingy sofa and a tiny old TV which sat on the floor. A coffee table with one short leg also served as the only eating surface, since there was no other furniture in the living room or in the kitchenette in the corner. Roxas practically made a beeline for the bathroom. The only other room was the bedroom, which contained a bed and some shelves stacked with whatever miscellaneous junk Roxas owned.

The bathroom was tiny, barely managing to contain the toilet, sink, and square shower stall. What he wouldn't give for a bathtub on a morning like this, Roxas thought bitterly. Instead, he had to content himself with the hottest shower he could tolerate as he washed himself clean of all the nights' customers. His legs felt almost too weak to support him long enough for the shower. He was longing for bed…but there were routines that could not be compromised, not even today. Roxas had a few injuries to treat this morning. He also had to run through a rather embarrassingly feminine beauty ritual – skin and hair this soft and lovely (and expensive) didn't just _happen_, after all.

Running dangerously low on energy, Roxas shuffled to the kitchenette in a pair of sweatpants to grab breakfast from the fridge, while completing his final task – call Mom. Every Saturday morning. Or else.

Roxas placed the plate he had prepared the night before in the microwave as he waited for his mom to pick up. Roxas usually fixed a decent meal for himself before leaving for work in the evening, so that he would have something healthy to eat when he got home, no matter how tired he was. Good nutrition was a part of the job too – a figure like his could be a bitch to maintain without even a trace of love handles. And standards in Marluxia's house were high. Roxas didn't want to end up looking for work on the streets.

A scratching voice came over the line. "What? Who's this?"

"It's me, Mom." Roxas sighed.

He dully began listening to her endless string of nagging questions, complaints, and abuse. He ate in silence, allowing her to rant for the duration of his meal, before finally interrupting.

"Mom, I'm sending you more money on Monday, OK? I gotta go now, got lots to do today." After a few more complaints and several admonitions to not waste his weekend, she finally hung up. These calls were intended as proof that Roxas was up early, not wasting his weekend, and was being productive in addition to his regular work week – all of which were lies designed to keep his mother from knowing his real job. Roxas dumped his plate in the sink and turned immediately towards his bedroom. Collapsing on the mattress, he pulled the blankets up to his chin and fell asleep almost immediately.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

Hello, good evening, and welcome to Chapter 2! A new encounter! Hope you enjoy. :O)

* * *

"Demyx, seriously man, you know I wanna help, but could we _please_ go somewhere else? I lost two fucking hundred dollars here last weekend. Or at least…it was somewhere around here…" Axel trailed off as his friend stopped walking down the sidewalk in front of him, pausing to turn and reply grumpily.

"_That_ was only because you didn't have me with you, and now you _do_ have me with you, so everything is _fine_, now let's get _drunk!_"

Axel cringed away from his upset friend and mumbled something relenting as he resumed following him. Unfortunately, Demyx's mom had died in the hospital that week – the condition that Axel had failed to understand and Demyx had been unable to explain had nevertheless proved itself capable of killing her. So Axel was willing to overlook his friend's moods, understanding that he was upset, and also realizing that Demyx felt even worse after hearing about Axel losing so much money because he'd been drinking alone. Axel tried to explain that it couldn't be helped because of his mom, but Demyx was still upset. He had decided to make it up to Axel by taking him out drinking this weekend, although they both knew that Demyx needed the binge more than Axel did. Axel wasn't even interested in getting drunk tonight – last weekend's unbearable hangover still lingered in his memory, not to mention the rude awakening in that…_wretchedly_ pink room, nearly naked. Axel shuddered. No, after a few drinks to relax from the work week, he'd concern himself more with taking care of his drunk buddy rather than with getting sloshed himself.

The night seemed set against them. The first bar was unbearably loud, and they left almost immediately. The second seemed OK at first, but they noticed halfway through their first drinks that the clientele were extremely…creepy. It was understandable – they were virtually on the edge of the red-light district – but that didn't prevent the two friends from gulping their drinks down and making a hasty retreat. They passed a few more noisy-looking bars before seeing one that looked promising. They were getting further into the red-light district now, but didn't particularly care. The corner girls were easy to ignore. They found the bar to be quieter and clean, and settled down with their drinks.

After his third drink and a good bit of sad reminiscing from Demyx about his mom, Axel found himself retelling the story of the previous weekend, in a slightly muddled attempt to explain to Demyx how he lost the 200.

"No no no, I had it _with_ me when I went to the last place, I hadn't spent it on anything."

"So you went in a bar with 200 and woke up in a room above the bar with nuthin at all, right?"

"And this note…"

"Right the note…wait…what note again?"

"This note from some Alice chick saying 'thanks for last night' or some bullshit. _No_ I don't have a clue who she was," Axel cut his friend off before the question could be asked. "I don't remember meeting anyone there at all, or even how I got to the room."

"Unghh…" Demyx half-attempted to mumble into his drink.

"I mean, I don't think I remember anything. I'm sure I don't," Axel began to muse aloud, as he had a tendency to do when he was just slightly drunk. "I've had these dreams all week though…well, wait, maybe not _all_ week. But at least a couple times this week. And they kinda feel like I'm remembering something…" The redhead trailed off, staring at a sign on the wall and picking at his napkin absently.

"What're they 'bout?" Demyx managed ask.

"I dunno exactly," Axel mused. "They're hazy and really jumbled-up. But sometimes I'm in a bar…I think it might be the one I was in last, but I don't remember what it looked like clearly enough to tell if that's the one in my dream. And then sometimes I just _know_ I'm in that damned pink room. And I'm lying on my back, I think, because I'm looking at the ceiling. And there's someone there…I'm not sure what they're doing but something feels nice. I guess it could be I'm with some girl, maybe the Alice chick who wrote the note, I can't tell."

"She hot?"

Axel shot his quite drunk friend a bemused look and continued. "I dunno actually. Can't remember what she looks like. Except…I think she's blonde. I remember…blonde. And…I think…maybe blue eyes."

"Nice," Demyx grinned stupidly, lazily fiddling with his glass before finishing his drink.

"Right," Axel replied skeptically. "Look Dem, maybe we should get moving, huh? While you can still walk?"

Demyx wanted to protest that he was fine, but after an attempt to prove the steadiness of his legs, he gave up and agreed to head back to Axel's place together.

As they left the bar and Axel began helping his friend along, the more sober of the pair noticed a familiar gaudy building nearby.

"Hey, I think that's the place I was talking about, the bar or whatever from last weekend."

His blond companion raised his head and focused. "Looks kinda gaudy for a bar to me."

"Yeah…I don't remember it being so God-awful-looking. But I'm sure that's the place."

"Oh I got an idea!" The drunk perked up while his friend shot him another skeptical look. "You should ask in there if anyone found some money. Maybe you just lost it, and somebody turned it in, y'know?"

Axel wasn't excited about another stop, especially with a very drunk Demyx in tow. Nobody in this district was likely to turn in money and he was sure he hadn't dropped it. But Demyx had convinced himself that he had to help Axel find that money to make up for having not been there to keep him out of trouble. Drunk Demyx being the stubborn bastard he was, Axel didn't have much choice but to drag his inebriated friend into the gaudy bar and prove that the money had not been found.

Axel patiently helped Demyx into the bar and sat him down at a table for safekeeping. Glancing around the dimly lit bar, Axel searched for someone who looked to be in charge. His Authority Radar picked up a lady who appeared to be giving orders. Axel left Demyx, saying that he would be right back after asking about the money. Demyx seemed to have become engrossed in the light fixtures.

Sighing, Axel threaded through a few tables towards the pink-haired lady. Who seemed rather butch for a lady, Axel noticed as he approached. When he stood in front of "her," Axel's suspicions were confirmed – the one giving the orders around here was a man in a dress. A rather stylish, if flashy, dress certainly – and the man's makeup was rather overdone – but the Adam's apple and muscled arms gave the true gender away. Axel was just beginning to wonder what kind of bar this was. In his slightly tipsy state, he wasn't at his intellectual best.

"Uhm, excuse me…" Axel hesitatingly began.

"You wanna request somebody?" Marluxia replied briefly in his good business tone, after turning to him and giving Axel a quick once-over.

"Ah…what? No. I was wondering if anyone found any lost cash here since last weekend…uh…200 actually." Axel replied, not following the upshot of the question that he had been asked.

Marluxia snorted once with laughter and shot the dense customer a skeptical look. "Sorry hun, no cash here. Just good drinks and good sex. Looking for one of those things – I can help you."

Axel's muddled brain was hung up on the sudden, unexpected mention of "sex," but he was able to grasp that he had gotten the negative answer he expected. "Uh, thanks. I mean…no thanks…excuse me." Axel mumbled as he turned back to find Demyx.

As Axel made his way back through the bar to the table, his eye was caught by a bright spot of yellow at the table next to his destination. Turning his head, Axel discovered that the yellow was a head of spiky blond hair. The blond locks belonged to a slightly familiar-looking boy – a boy in a noticeably revealing outfit. His tight jeans were split from ankle to hip and held together with criss-crossing laces. Above that was at least 6 inches of slender, exposed stomach before the tight black belly shirt began. A choker and bracelets gave the boy an edgy look, while a fluffy, fur-lined jacket gave him a feminine look. The combination was a little unusual – at least, Axel didn't often see people dressed this way – but the blond was pulling it off with breathtaking success. Literally. Axel didn't even notice that he was holding his breath until he began to miss the oxygen. He shook his head and continued toward Demyx's table, chiding himself for that last drink. He really should cut back – he was starting to notice cute little boys, and that, Axel feared, was a rather slippery slope.

The boy, Axel couldn't help noticing, was standing by an older-looking man – gray streaks in his long, dark ponytail, scars visible on his face, and even an eye patch – who sat talking to him in a very friendly manner. The boy seemed keen on keeping the man's attention. As Axel watched, the blond began to slowly shrug out of his jacket while closing the distance between himself and the seated man. As Axel watched the man begin to get rather familiar with his hands, his half-alert brain began working on the puzzling question of what kind of bar this was.

He reached Demyx only to discover that his friend had ordered another drink. At the same time, a giggling squeak from the next table brought his attention back to the blond, who had just been pulled down into the lap of the seated man.

"Dem, they didn't pick up any money here. Why'd you get another drink? Aren't we leaving?" Axel asked, half-listening to the response.

"Jus' one more Axel…'n we can go. This place…nice. Lights are nice." Demyx's head wobbled down toward his drink again.

"Fine," Axel absent-mindedly complied. He was more occupied with the conversation at the next table, questions about the bar he was sitting in, and the beautiful, giggling blond who didn't look _nearly_ old enough to be here at this hour.

-o-o-O-o-o-

"Come on baby, just a _little_ freebie? Just this _once_?" Alcohol-scented breath and roaming hands accompanied these words.

"I already answered that," Roxas shot back with a few flirty slaps at the groper. "Don't tell me _this_ isn't worth a measly three hundred bucks to you?" He emphasized his words by rolling his ass against the man's lap.

Roxas was having just a little trouble with this very handsy customer. Just before the request had been repeated yet _again_, he had been tugged down into the lap of the slightly drunk and very cheap potential patron of his services, who had introduced himself as Xigbar. Unfortunately for the man looking for a free lay, Roxas wasn't that easy. He also knew that his target had money, even if he didn't want to part with it. He had seen the contents of the customer's wallet when Xigbar had paid for his first round. So Roxas didn't just walk away from a freeloader. He hadn't had great luck tonight, and he needed to get something out of this guy if he could.

"Awww, baby, I can't afford…" Xigbar began whining before Roxas cut him off.

"And the room is practically nothing. Fifty for the hour, or just a hundred for the whole night!" Roxas twisted around for a more flirtatious angle. "Don't try to tell me a sexy man like you can't afford _that_." He ended with a wink.

The cheapskate was entranced but squirming. With another whine, he pleaded, "Look babe, cut me a break here? What's the cheapest I can get?"

Roxas gave him a studied look. "No room, bare minimum?" He paused, pursing his lips in thought. "…Oral. Outside in the alley. One hundred." Roxas ran a tongue over his silken lips enticingly and leaned in to whisper. "You won't regret it."

"O-OK." Lust had won out over greed.

"Cash first, Slick." Roxas halted his suddenly eager customer, waiting with open palm until Xigbar dug a hundred from his wallet and handed it over. Pocketing the bill, his manner swiftly changed back to enticing. "Thanks. Come on then, let's go, Sexy." Roxas drew his confirmed customer toward the door.

-o-o-O-o-o-

What he had overheard had explained a few things to Axel, even in his hazy mental state. The transaction had simply been too obvious to misinterpret. Looking around, he finally noticed the distinct absence of women in the bar – an oddity here in the middle of a section of town where available women where absolutely everywhere.

Understandably, Axel was a little perturbed at first. Especially when he remembered that he had spent the night here. He tried to convey his realization to Demyx, but discovered that his friend was rambling about his Mom into a half-finished drink while slowly beginning to nod off. Axel considered ordering another drink while waiting for his friend to be ready to go, but then remembered his unusual reaction to the sight of a boy who was apparently a young male prostitute and decided to forgo any more alcohol and just wait patiently for his friend to finish telling his sob story.

Axel had forgotten than Demyx could _talk_. Demyx had forgotten that he was supposed to be leaving for Axel's place. It was at least 20 minutes later, as Demyx was almost completely incoherently mumbling himself to sleep, that Axel noticed the blond returning from the alley. Axel was secretly happy, both in relief to see that the boy was unhurt, and just a little bit due to his own barely-recognized desire to have another look at the kid.

Axel watched discreetly as the blond walked behind the bar and into a back room that appeared to be for employees. His reporter's observational powers picked up on a hip-swaying walk that looked feminine without being flamboyant. At the same time, those powers completely failed to notice that Demyx had finally dozed off and he was free to take his friend and go.

No, Axel was a little bit drunk, and as a result, could only be closely aware of one thing at a time. And right now, his attention was drawn against his will to the figure of a blond boy once again emerging from the back room and returning to the bar.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Having straightened his hair and washed his mouth out with a good bit of Listerine, Roxas was ready to go search out his next customer. Emerging from the "clean-up" room, he posted himself at the bar a moment and began scanning the new faces that had appeared around the room since he left with Xigbar.

His gaze almost immediately stopped on a startling head of long, red, spiky hair. _You must be kidding me…_ Roxas looked closer…and was sure he saw those same weird tattoos on the cheeks. No suit this time – jeans and a button-down shirt instead – but it was him. _No fuckin way._ Why was this guy back? Roxas couldn't remember ever seeing a man he had robbed come back to the bar a second time. Had his tactic failed? Did the man know Roxas had robbed him? _No…there's no way he could remember. He was shitfaced and passed out right away. _Roxas was just deciding to avoid the man anyway, just to play it safe, when he realized that the man was looking at him…no, studying him, maybe even staring.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!_ Eye contact. Knowing he couldn't pretend he hadn't seen the redheaded man now, Roxas decided to play it off as best he could, hope that the man didn't remember anything, and try to get something out of him, if possible. Roxas really hadn't had much luck tonight, and he was pretty desperate.

So, with a slight smile, Roxas slid away from the bar and slowly approached the man who was now unmistakably staring at him. As he neared the table, he noticed that the man was not alone this time – his dirty-blond companion was passed out on the table they shared. Roxas also noticed the expression on the man's face – it was confused, slightly muddled, and trying to think, apparently. _Slightly drunk this time. I must look familiar. He's probably trying to remember where he's seen me before. _

Roxas wasn't about to give him a chance to think about it long enough to remember. When he reached the table, he went straight up to the man and stood extremely close, leaning in so that he could speak low and seductively and still be easily heard.

"Hey there, handsome."

"I…Axel. Hi." He man stuttered a reply.

"Axel, that's your name?" The man nodded. Roxas winked. "Well then, Axel. I saw you staring at me from the bar. Like what you see?"

The man, Axel, looked Roxas up and down, seeming more confused than ever. Roxas was beginning to wonder if this guy was genuinely brain-damaged. _Come on mister! Figure it out! Bar plus whorehouse plus half-naked boy being all friendly equals slut. Do you wanna have sex __or what?_ Instead of this tirade, Roxas chose to make things clear for the idiot in a more befitting and much sexier way.

"So, Axel, simple question for you." Roxas made sure the man would understand his next words by sliding down into the man's lap, straddling his legs and facing him, while slipping his arms around his neck and tangling them in a few red strands. "Do you want to spend the night with me?" To make his point crystal clear, Roxas moved forward again, closing his lips on the man's slightly-gaping mouth while holding his gaze with a half-lidded, sultry look.

Axel's eyes were suddenly as wide open as they would go. He froze for a moment, and Roxas drew back, tugging at Axel's lower lip briefly. "Well?"

The redheaded man suddenly stood up, nearly causing Roxas to hit the floor. However, even in an apparent state of shock, Axel was strangely conscious of the blond, and caught him before he fell, setting him back on his feet quickly and then letting go, as if he had touched something that burned him.

"I can't…I don't…uhhh…Demyx!" Axel, unable to address a reply to the startled-looking Roxas, instead rushed over to his friend and began desperately trying to wake him and drag him to his feet.

Roxas was surprised. He had never gotten this kind of reaction before. Sure, he remembered that last week he had been given reason to suspect that this Axel person was straight, but the stare he had been getting had made him change his guess a bit. At least, no straight guy he knew of would stare at a little blond slut with so much intensity and interest. What was with this guy?

The sleeping man was proving difficult to wake, so Roxas decided to try just a little more. "Look, your friend is wasted. I can get a room for him to sleep it off a bit while we're busy if you want. You won't need to worry." He closed the distance between them again. "You can just relax and…have fun for a while." Roxas winked – his wink was his lucky charm, nearly everyone fell for it – and stretched out a hand to run his fingers up the nervous redhead's bicep.

Axel's hand shot out, grabbing Roxas' wrist and halting his progress. Roxas flinched at the pressure, and Axel, noticing, quickly let go.

"I…I'm sorry for that." Axel stuttered. "But…I'm just going to take Demyx home. I don't want your…ah…I mean…no thanks."

Wide blue eyes watched the taller man as he basically lifted his mumbling companion and carried him from the bar in a hurry, without looking back.

Roxas was surprised. And, after the initial shock, rather disappointed. _Shit, now I have to start over…this night sucks!_ Marluxia gave him a look as he returned to the bar.

"Thought you had one kiddo."

"Yeah…I guess not. He left."

"Damn. Not too often I see _you_ get turned down. Well, keep looking."

"Yes, Mama." Roxas sighed, and began scanning the bar again. _Back to business._

-o-o-O-o-o-


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**

Love and thanks to all those who have reviewed so far! Also thanks to the watchers! I feel your eyes upon me, compelling me to update! :O)

* * *

Though Roxas hadn't seen it, Axel actually _had_ looked back. The blond saw him leave through the doors, then turned away, missing the sight of Axel pausing in front of the window, gazing back at the little prostitute who was walking back to the bar. He watched as the blond spoke with the pink-haired boss, and only left when he saw Roxas turning to scan the bar again. Axel then hurried from the window, afraid of being seen.

Dragging Demyx – who eventually woke up enough to put one foot in front of the other – back to his apartment was a long and tiring trip for the still-foggy Axel. To make it worse, his mind was overwhelmed with confusion. He had been in a gay whorehouse last weekend…that much was clear…and, well, just now too. That alone made him pretty nervous – and Axel didn't get nervous about much. Then there was the strangely familiar blond boy…and the things the boy had done and said. He could hardly think past the flashing memories of touching, whispered lines, seductive eyes, and a warm mouth on his. And then there was his own reaction to those things – a reaction that hadn't subsided as he walked home, remembering over and over every moment of their encounter. He was shocked at himself, but it was a fact – that kid had been turning him on.

He was blaming it on the alcohol with all his might, but the fact remained and he couldn't deny it. He was hot and bothered, and a kid – a _boy_ – was the reason.

He spent most of the walk home trying to come to terms with this fact.

When a footsore Axel and a still-tottering Demyx finally made it to Axel's apartment, the redhead was less inclined to continue drinking with his buddy than he had anticipated. Instead, he dumped Demyx on the couch and went to rummage though his kitchen for a drink that would allow them to sober up instead.

Unfortunately, the only coffee was caffeinated, and it was late. Axel made due with water for both of them.

Demyx was sniffling a bit into the couch cushion when Axel sat down next to him and handed him the water. Demyx waveringly took it and sipped, then made a face.

"Axel…not alcohol. Whassis?"

"Water, Dem. Sober up man."

Demyx groaned. "Whyyyyy? I don't wannaaaaa…"

Axel sighed. "Look Dem, just crash here and forget getting any more drunk OK? I'm already apparently losing my goddamn mind, I don't need any more help. We can keep talking or sleep or whatever you want, let's just sober up a bit, all right?"

Pouting, Demyx returned to his water. He mumbled something into the glass.

"What?"

"Said I'm hungry. If I can't drink, can we get a pizza or sumfin?"

Another sigh. "Sure Dem. What kind?"

With a small smile, Demyx just said, "Meat." After a drunk giggle, he added, "An if you won't let me have beer, make sure you got Coke or sumfin, water and pizza yuck."

Axel smiled, and went to call the local pizza place. He didn't have any Coke, so he added that to his order – a large all-the-meats pizza. Perfect guy food.

"20 to 30 minutes Dem. How you holdin up?"

Demyx only smirked sarcastically, then sighed and tried to smile. "Well you know. Don't wanna think about it anymore I guess." He shifted on the couch, getting more comfortable. "What about you? Said you're losing your mind?"

Common sense said that this might not be a great time to explain…especially since Axel was still too sloshed and confused to know if what was going on in his head was entirely real. However, common sense was running slow – another drunk effect – and didn't get its voice in until Axel had already started explaining.

"Well, you know that bar…the last one. Pretty lights."

"Uh huh." Demyx nodded.

"Well, apparently it's a whorehouse."

"Huh." Demyx was unfazed.

"A…gay whorehouse."

"_Huh?_" Demyx had been surprised by that – he eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped a bit.

"Heh…yeah. I overheard this kid…this boy…basically sell an older guy a blow job. And then…after, when he came back…the kid tried to get _me_ to buy him."

"You didn't!" Demyx exclaimed, slapping his knee in shock.

Axel shot him an exasperated look. "Demyx, how long do you think we were there? I brought you back here, nothing happened." Axel sighed yet again as a look of deep thought and then vague understanding crossed his friend's face.

"Soooo…what's the problem then?"

The tough part. To tell Demyx, who had known him and been like a brother to him since college, or not to tell him? Sober Axel would have known better…

"Well…the thing is…this kid, this boy, well he was really cute. And I'd been noticing him, how good-looking and attractive he was…I guess I was pretty drunk. And when he came on to me and all…trying to get me to buy sex with him…well, I must have been really drunk, because…it was kinda a turn-on." He glanced up at his friend's stunned face. "Like…more than kinda. Really a turn-on."

Demyx appeared to have gained some clarity. And a blank expression. "You were turned on."

"Uh huh."

"By a guy."

Uh…yeah."

"A boy…like a young boy?"

"He looked pretty young."

Demyx paused, thinking again. "Axe…you telling me you're a gay-pedo-pervert-guy?"

"No."

This seemed to throw Demyx off. "Then what are you saying?"

"I don't know Dem! I don't know what I'm saying or what happened! I…I was probably just drunk, not thinking. It's probably nothing to worry about, OK?"

Demyx paused again, then nodded, frowning sagely. "I'll always be your friend Axel. I support you. But I want us to stay as just friends, OK?" He gently patted Axel's knee. The redhead groaned, and was about to reply, when the doorbell rang.

"Pizza." Demyx tried to hop up, but tottered so badly that Axel jumped up instead, guided the drunk back to his seat, and went to answer the door.

Axel opened the door for the pizza kid, and with the usual chatter of "pizza delivery" and such, ushered him into the entryway – to keep the bugs from getting in, plus his wallet was in the kitchen. The pizza kid set the delivery in front of an eager Demyx, along with the soda, as Axel returned. Just as the redhead was paying the kid, Demyx made a confused, unhappy whine.

"Axel, why no meat?"

He turned to see Demyx had the pizza box open – revealing plain cheese. Turning back to the confused and worried looking pizza boy, Axel mumbled, "Ah, yeah, we ordered all-the-meats actually…"

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry!" The pizza kid looked mortified. "I must have given yours to the other folks!" He began panicking to himself a bit and swearing under his breath.

Axel seemed to be making a habit of sighing this evening. "Look, it's OK, we'll take this one…uhm…what's a plain cheese cost?"

The kid wasn't listening. "Shit damnit _shit_, Zexion's gonna _kill _me!"

Axel continued to try to calm the kid down, not noticing the frozen look that had suddenly appeared on Demyx's face.

"Did you say Zexion?" A quiet voice interrupted them. Both turned to see a suddenly very serious and sober-looking Demyx staring at the pizza kid intently.

"Uh…yeah. The manager, Zexion…he's really strict…"

"Describe him."

"Huh?"

"Demyx?" Axel chimed in.

"Describe him – what he looks like – describe him _now_ damnit!" Demyx's voice was getting louder.

"Uhm, OK…he's thin, kinda short, like maybe my height but he's older than me, uh, he has this off-blue hair and it's always hanging in his face, like half-covering it, I dunno how he can see…"

Demyx was on his feet, grabbing the kid by the arms. "Where is he?" He was right in the kid's face. "Where's Zexion? Is he at work? At the pizza place? Is he there now? Tell me!"

The kid was stammering and panicking more. Demyx was trying to wring answers out of him. Axel slowly began to remember that there was a Zexion who had gone to college with him and Demyx…they had known him, but not too well. Demyx had never spoken about him…at all, as far as Axel could remember. What was Demyx so upset about?

He suddenly noticed the sandy-haired young man was shaking the pizza kid and probably hurting him. Axel darted forward to pull his friend back. "Woah, woah, Dem, stop man! You're hurting the kid, give him air!"

Demyx teetered and almost collapsed in Axel's arms. He was still drunk, and his adrenaline had abandoned him. Reaching up weakly, he grabbed the kid's forearm again. He spoke, just above a whisper, with the same burning intensity in his gaze. "Where is he? Where is Zexion?"

The kid gulped. "He's working."

Demyx turned from Axel and grabbed his jacket. "Take me there," he commanded quietly, but firmly.

"Dem, what the hell? What's gotten into you man?" Axel was trying to stop his wavering friend.

"Axel get out of my way. I have been looking for that bastard since we graduated and he disappeared…I couldn't find him. Well now I found him. I have to see him. Now."

Axel was getting really worried. "Why? What the hell happened?"

"It's a long story Axel. Another time."

"No." Axel put his foot down. "No other time. Listen…you're drunk. I'm not letting you out of here til you're sober. And I'm not letting you go chase some stranger until I know why. You are staying here, having pizza, and going to bed."

Demyx's face was pained and frantic. "No! Axel…"

"Hey," Axel interrupted, addressing the pizza kid, "Does Zexion work tomorrow too?"

"Uhh…yeah. Like almost every damn day of the week. He should be there tomorrow from 2 or 3 til closing."

"Thanks." Axel turned back to Demyx. "You can see him tomorrow at work, when you're sober. That's final."

Demyx crumpled onto the couch, turning away from them. Axel dismissed the kid, who wouldn't accept payment for the pizza, since it had been his mistake. As he was leaving, Axel called him back. "Hey, look – don't tell this Zexion guy about this OK? Just…don't mention Demyx?"

"Sure," the kid replied, only too happy to get away from the weird apartment.

Turning back inside, Axel joined Demyx on the couch. The blond had completely deflated, and was hugging a cushion, while silent tears rolled down his cheeks.

Axel looked at his friend a moment. The fog in his brain was much less now. Silently, he poured them each a Coke, then slid a piece of pizza in front of Demyx and took one for himself. "So," he began quietly, "wanna tell me what all that was about?" He waited.

Demyx was silent a while longer, sniffling and calming down. Finally he began to speak, and eventually took an interest in his pizza as he talked.

"You remember Zexion…from college. He…didn't hang out with us, so you might not remember him well…he didn't hang out with anyone. But I met him in the cafeteria freshman year…before I had anyone to sit with, I randomly sat with him a few times. And…we never talked much but…I always saw him around. Sometimes…sometimes I saw him because I would hang out in the library all afternoon, until he showed up. He was in the library a lot."

Axel couldn't believe what he heard next, or that Demyx had never breathed a word to him in all their years as friends. "Zexion…was so cool. So attractive and…smart…and…I…I know…I had never noticed a guy before, but…I noticed him. Immediately. I always saw him around because I was always looking. I…had a crush on him."

_What the hell…Demyx is gay?_ "We started to talk more, eventually. I was so happy. I tried to find ways to spend time with him, see him…and then it was senior year already, and we hadn't made much progress. And I'd kept it a secret from everyone – about him – but it was getting so hard because…I was really falling for him. There were these occasions – only a couple of times – when we'd actually hang out…" Demyx trailed off, a small smile curling his lips, his eyes welling with tears again. He shook his head.

"Anyway, graduation. I…didn't wanna let him go. Like that, you know…not knowing. I asked him to meet me at the library the night before. And…when he came, I tried to tell him, to explain my feelings and…confess my love I guess." A bitter chuckle broke the speech. "He just listened. Deadpan. And then I…kissed him. Really gently, I didn't wanna scare him. And he just stood there and let me. And then, I thought, for one second, that I felt him relaxing, responding…but he cut it off too suddenly. He didn't even say a word. Just glared at me, pushed me away, and left. I couldn't find him at graduation…and after that he disappeared. I looked, I tried so hard, but I could never find him anywhere."

Misty, aqua eyes lifted to Axel. "So now…if it's him…I just gotta know…I gotta see him. I dunno what I wanna say, but I've missed him so much, and it's all I can think…I need to see him. That's it. End of story." Demyx returned to his pizza quietly. Axel tried to absorb this new information about his best friend.

Six years he'd known Demyx…six years they'd been friends. He hadn't known about this. "Dem…you're gay?"

Demyx sighed around a mouthful of pizza and mumbled, "Yeah, I guess so. So what? So're you."

"Hey hey, wait. Hang on a minute there. Just because I'm easily turned on when I'm drunk doesn't make me gay. Everybody's like that. Plus, I've been with a _lot_ of women…you know that! I _like_ women. But you…I don't remember you ever having a girlfriend!"

Demyx was apparently getting tired. He rolled his eyes at Axel. "On the defensive a bit too much there, Axel. So you go both ways, whatever. Just admit it to yourself, and leave me out of it. I'm not the standard for gayness or whatever. You are your own standard."

There was silence for a moment as Axel tried to think of a comeback that would prove his straightness while not sounding defensive. In the end, he decided he was too tired to keep trying, and instead commented, "That's kinda deep."

"It's late, I'm tired, and I'm still sorta drunk." Demyx slowly began to grin wearily. "Give me 15 more minutes and you'll have a fucking Plato in your living room." Axel grinned in response. "I'm gonna crash on your couch, OK Axe?"

"Yeah, sure, just let me get you a pillow and blanket or something."

"Thanks." Demyx smiled and tiredly began pulling his clothes off while Axel grabbed the pillow and blanket from the closet. Leaving Demyx to collapse on the couch, Axel slouched off to his bedroom.

Crashing on the bed in his boxers, Axel began to drift off, still plagued by the same confused thoughts. _Demyx is gay. I've known him for years and I didn't notice. Demyx thinks I'm gay. Am I gay? That blond kid… _Oh, not the blond kid. Not that again.

Axel made the error of falling asleep while his mind was filled with visions of that gorgeous little prostitute…walking with swaying hips, murmuring lines in that low voice, staring at him with half-lidded blue eyes, touching him, inviting him…

And the memories and images only got worse once Axel fell asleep.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:**

Hey guys! _Thanks so much_ to everyone who has reviewed! It's so encouraging, really it is. So, you wanted to know what kinda dream Axel had? Ehehe. Enjoy. XD

* * *

"_How ya like it, Hot Stuff?"_

_Everything was a blur._

"_Tell me what I can do for you."_

_Axel could suddenly feel something amazing happening…in the vicinity of his neck. Soft lips and a maddeningly wet and hot tongue were sending waves of pleasure through his body, clearing the haze a bit. _

"_You like that?"_

_As he tried to focus on the figure above him, he felt hips being ground down against his. His body shivered with delight, while his mind was trying to work out some sense from the sight in front of him._

_A bare chest but…missing something. Missing two somethings…round ones. _

Axel usually woke from the dream at this point, confused by the memories, then exasperated by the unsatisfactory state of his body.

Not tonight. Tonight, apparently, there was more.

_His gaze travelled up further, and met a pair of startling blue eyes – in a face he most definitely recognized as the young prostitute at the bar. There was even the same suggestive, inviting, __**lustful**__ look in those features. _

"_Hey there handsome. Like what you see?"_

_Not only was he liking it, Axel couldn't tear his eyes away. The blond was arching slightly, slowly running his hands down his slender chest, positioning them in front of those tight pants, playing with the button. A pink tongue slid out and ran across soft-looking, parted lips. Suddenly, the blond was leaning forward, closing the distance rapidly, making Axel's heart throb painfully. Then, those lips were lightly brushing his ear, hot breath ghosting over the shell as Axel's whole body strained to hear the whispered words…_

"_Do you want to spend the night with me?"_

_Then…a kiss. A fantastic, passionate kiss that filled his mouth and set his whole body on fire instantly. Then, hands…hands touching him everywhere, then touching him __**there**__, and his own hands exploring smooth skin and the toned features of a slender body. Then – more of that mouth, that amazing, delicious mouth. Then – naked skin, flushed, sweating…sounds – panting, moaning, a sweet voice crying out for more, and the most mind-blowing sensation throbbing through his body, pulsing in time with the rocking of his hips. _

_Then…pleasure so piercing, so all-consuming, that everything else disappeared for a moment. _

_Finally, as darkness began closing in on his vision, that face drew close to his again. Close enough to kiss…but his eyes were pulled up from the trembling lips to focus on glistening blue eyes, eyes that were overflowing with longing…and tears. _

"_Love me…"_

_Axel barely heard the whisper before the blackness closed in._

-o-o-O-o-o-

Waking up from this was less than pleasant.

"Oh fuck…you have _got_ to be kidding me." Axel was covered in sweat, hung over, and _very_ uncomfortable in his nether regions…which turned out to be in need of some cleaning-up and calming-down. A cold shower morning, if there ever was one.

Axel gingerly extracted himself from his sheets, limping carefully towards his bathroom – only to discover that the light was on, and the sound of the shower reminded him that Demyx had spent the night.

_Why me? _Axel turned back to his room with a pained expression, wondering what cruel deity had chosen to curse him lately, and why.

Sitting carefully on his bed again, Axel tried thinking about other things – fat people with bad hygiene, foot fungus, and crooked yellow teeth. Nothing worked. All the people he imagined ended up in a bar, handing cash to a sexy little blond and taking him away, making Axel more and more frustrated and angry.

OK, what else? _Demyx…never takes short showers. Especially when he's hung over…he's probably half-asleep in there. _Another glance down. _This is so unfair…_

Scooting out of his boxers and grabbing a box of tissues, Axel proceeded to deal with his problem using the only other method he knew. However, his attempts to think of women – even the best women he had ever been with or fantasized about – all quickly exchanged their usual female stars for a new face…the same one that had caused his problem during the night.

With a groan, Axel gave up trying to think of anyone else, and just let the fantasy fill his mind. He didn't care anymore…not right now. Later…later he would worry about the fact that he had been jerking off to a boy…later he would figure out if he was out of his mind.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Boarding the bus heading across town, Roxas inwardly moaned. _No seating…again. This damn bus sucks._ He would have to stand…probably most of the way there.

It was Monday afternoon. Roxas had Monday nights off, and either Wednesday or Thursday night as well – sometimes both. Marluxia's rotation was complicated. However, he seemed to know what he was doing, and how to make sure his boys stayed in top condition. So Roxas didn't complain. He knew better than anyone that he needed some nights off.

Since it was Monday, Roxas was making his weekly trip across town to Central Hospital. He had slept for most of the day after getting home early that morning, then rose and cleaned up extra carefully. His attire was very different from his work clothing – ordinary jeans and, today, a turtleneck under his plain jacket. His neck…well, it needed to remain under cover.

He sighed, and found a spot to stand. This trip wasn't going to be pleasant – he was _sooo_ tired – but on the other hand, it's not like sitting down would have been comfortable either.

Roxas checked his watch. He was a little early for afternoon visiting hours, but that was fine, because he had to drop his mom's check off at the post office near the hospital. That post office

was in a nicer part of town than the slum where he lived…and his mom was the kind that would notice a postmark.

After his errand, Roxas walked the rest of the way to the hospital. He waited in the lobby for a few minutes before visiting hours started and a nurse allowed him into the ward. There weren't many other visitors at this hour.

Roxas quietly stood outside the door of Room 1040a for a moment, fixing his clothing to make sure everything was in place. He then knocked softly and opened the door.

The little blonde girl on the bed lifted her head as he entered. "Hey Roxas…" She greeted him with a quiet smile.

"Hey you." Roxas returned the smile. "How ya feeling today, Nami?" He carefully took a seat by the bed, managing not to wince.

"Pretty good," the girl replied. Roxas began to ask her questions about the past week, and she began to fill him in on medical updates and amusing hospital happenings.

Roxas' little sister, Naminé, had had a form of multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome called pheochromocytoma. Roxas had memorized the words, but they still rang hollow in his head. The words that carried much more meaning – the ones that made his stomach sink and his heart grow cold – were "rare form of childhood cancer" and "extremely difficult to treat."

Naminé had been in the hospital regularly for nearly four years. She almost hadn't left for the last two.

"Anyway, how's Mom?" Naminé knew about the weekly Saturday phone calls.

"She's the same I guess."

"She still didn't…mention coming to see me?"

Roxas shook his head. "She's still not talking about you or Dad." The girl's face fell a bit. Roxas reached out to clasp her hand. "Nami, you wouldn't want her to come now anyway."

"I know, but…I can't help worrying I guess."

"It'll be OK. Give her more time. I think she's been getting better, slowly. She talks a lot more than she did at first. And I'm taking care of her. She's got enough to live on, and she doesn't

have to worry about me at all. She'll get better, you'll see. And in the meantime, you've got me." Roxas smiled at his sister, who squeezed his hand gently.

"You're working so hard…supporting Mom and…me too." The girl's smile was tinged with sadness.

Roxas swallowed, slightly tense. They never spoke of the subject of Roxas' job, but…Naminé had known for years. She had never confronted him, never brought it up…but he could tell from the look in her eyes. She had known right from the first day.

He remembered. He had come home late. His mom had yelled at him. He had stood there silently, then gone upstairs. And he had gone to Naminé, and given her the money. The money they needed for the treatments they could now no longer afford. She hadn't asked with words, but…Roxas had been unable to meet her questioning blue gaze. Then her eyes understood…and Roxas went to his own room. He could hear her muffled crying for a long time.

It had only been "as needed" at first. But the need got more constant over time. Naminé stopped coming home from the hospital anymore. Their mom couldn't work at all. Roxas had moved out when he had taken the job on full-time, so that she wouldn't find out. But Naminé had always known.

Still, she didn't bring it up. And Roxas tried to keep it as invisible for her as possible.

He swallowed again, answering with a small smile. "Nami, you know you don't have to worry about that."

"I know," she sighed slightly. "But how can I help it? I worry about _you_. What about _you_, Roxas?" Her eyes were fixed on his face. "What about your life?"

Roxas swallowed once more. Her gaze was not helping the lump forming in his throat. "Hey, I'm still young." He tried to grin. "It's not like I'm wasting away _yet_, little sis."

Her smile was still so sad. "I know, but…you should be happy. You shouldn't have to miss out on life. What about the future? When are you going to start doing…what you want to do with your life? And what about love, Roxas?" Her voice lowered almost to a whisper. "When will you…be able…to fall in love? And be happy?"

It was the closest they had ever come to talking about it. Roxas found it hard to force his voice out this time. "Don't be silly Nami, of course there will be time for that. When you get better, I'll take you with me…wherever we wanna go. And I'll find a really nice…I'll find someone.

Someone great. And I'll bring them home and make them undergo your scrutiny, until you approve of them. Everything will be great. You'll see."

It felt almost hollow to say those last words. It was like a script from a bad movie…but Roxas didn't know what else to say.

He didn't have new and eloquent ways of giving his sister false hope. He didn't know how to make promises about a wonderful future he didn't believe in…except to fall back on the same old lines.

He grinned half-heartedly at his sister. Naminé sighed and squeezed his hand again. "Well, they better be amazing, or I'll never approve." She chuckled, and Roxas joined in a little. Then, slowly, her face fell again. Looking at her brother solemnly, she moved her hand up to touch the long sleeves of the turtleneck. "Roxas," she whispered, "you don't have to hide it from me."

He didn't dare open his mouth. His eyes shut themselves tightly, a pained expression on his face. _Don't talk about it Nami, please…not today._ He leaned forward, slowly bending until his forehead rested on the bed beside her. She lifted her hands to run thin fingers through his blond hair.

"Oh, Roxas…" Her voice sounded shaky.

"It's OK." He lifted his head with decision, looking at her. "It doesn't bother me. As long as I can come here and see you on Mondays, the rest of the week is nothing at all. I forget every second of it when I see you." He smiled again, meeting his sister's eyes. This time, the small smile was real, touching his blue gaze.

The smile travelled to her eyes as well, and the siblings held silent communication for a few moments. When they resumed speaking, they mutually turned away from the painful subject, seeking more cheerful topics to pass the rest of Roxas' visit.

Roxas was relieved to return to happier subjects with his sister. To pretend that he was just wearing a turtleneck because it looked so damn good on him. To imagine how nice it would be to just stay here, beside his sister, in the clean hospital room, and never step outside again.

But…visiting hours were soon over. Long before he was ready, Roxas was bending to kiss his sister's forehead, and turning to leave the room. Returning to the outside world, to the city…and heading back to his tiny apartment, alone.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel had meant to wait until the weekend came. He really had planned it that way…but somehow he just seemed to have gotten his work done early tonight, and happened to be near the red-light district.

So he was a day early. So what? The plan would still work…and his impatience was beginning to seriously distract him on a daily basis.

Yes, he had come to terms with the fact that he found himself desiring a younger boy…and a slut, apparently. Or rather, obviously.

Yes, it was frustrating. Why did this have to happen to him? He was just a regular guy, working too hard, getting paid, but too little. He wanted a girl for a little comfort and the nice things girls brought into his life. He wanted life to get a little easier, but it didn't have to be all cushy. He didn't need to be rich or famous. He just wanted a regular life, where he could be a regular guy – a nice guy, maybe a few bad habits like drinking, swearing, having an occasional short temper, forgetting to fold his socks – but still, a decent human being underneath.

He didn't want to get mixed up with a prostitute. There were about a million ways this could be very, very bad for him. Especially since, aside from the hard-to-miss fact that this kid was agonizingly sexy, he really didn't know much about this guy. Was he even – Axel shuddered to think it – of legal age? _Oh God I hope so. Please…don't let him be a minor on top of everything else._

He had discussed things with Demyx – who was, after all, his best friend. It had taken a bit of effort to convince Demyx that he wasn't _really_ gay, but after that, they had talked about it a few times.

They had been over all the options. Maybe Axel just wanted to experiment? Could he find another guy for that, so it wouldn't have to be a prostitute? No, Axel felt no interest _at all_ in any other guys. They had even looked around a little, just in case. That hadn't helped. _Ugh, no thanks._

Maybe, if the kid was legal and clean, Axel could – just this once of course – well…_you_ _know_…just to get it out of his system? That too was shot down. Axel couldn't explain it very well, but…he didn't want to just fuck the kid. Well…if he was brutally honest with himself, he kinda did want to fuck the kid…a little. But he didn't know what it was…he just couldn't go and _pay_ for the kid like that. He didn't want it to be like that…with this boy. Bought, used, and left behind. Maybe…he wanted to be different from the other customers. He wasn't sure.

Well, maybe he should try to get the boy to go out with him? Drag him away from prostitution? Axel just gave Demyx a look at that suggestion. _What is this, an R-rated fairy tale? Give me a break. _

Then maybe get the cops involved? If he wanted to stop the kid selling himself… Axel didn't feel like explaining to Demyx how that would probably _not_ help him get any closer to the boy – how it would more likely make him an enemy. Not to mention, he had no _idea_ what reasons the little blond had for being in that line of work. Maybe…there was something behind it.

Demyx had gotten sarcastic at that point. "Well, you're a reporter – investigate and write a goddamn cover story on it then!"

"Are you kidding? They wouldn't talk to a reporter in a million…"

"Then go undercover! I don't care! Axel, I can't help you figure out what to do if you have no idea what you want, which is clearly the case."

This statement had, ironically, given rise to the thought that had led Axel to form his current plan.

He needed to figure out what he wanted to do.

He needed to figure out how to accomplish it.

He _needed_ to see the boy again. Really. Soon.

Maybe not as a reporter…but maybe, if he said he was a writer, writing a novel or something, and asked for an anonymous interview…

Maybe he could get the blond to talk to him. Maybe he could find out some things about this boy – his life, his reasons for being a slut…how best to get him away from that job.

It was a half-formed plan at best. So much depended on how things turned out. But it was a plan that let Axel somewhat hope for success.

So here he was, on a Thursday night, a day before he had planned, standing outside the now-familiar bar. He drew a breath…and entered the building.

Looking around, he didn't see the blond anywhere. Slightly frustrated – as well as slightly relieved and _quite _nervous – he instead spotted the pink-haired boss "lady." _Well…I guess "she" will do. I can ask about the blond…_

Calming himself down, Axel approached the boss of the bar.

"Ah, excuse me." He addressed the still-gaudily dressed man.

"Yeah hon?" The painted face turned to him, then paused in surprise. "Oh hello. Mr. Redhead. Lost money. It hasn't been found you know."

"Uh, yeah. It's not about that actually. I wanted to know…I mean…I'm looking for someone. Uhh…one of the kids that works here."

"You wanna request a boy this time, baby?" The man was showing a little more interest.

Axel swallowed. "Ah, yes. A boy…I don't know his name though. He's a little blond kid."

"Short hair or long?"

"His hair is short. Blue eyes."

"That's Roxie you're talking about then."

"His name is Roxie?"

"His name _here_ is, hon. Everybody uses a nickname here. Anyway, Roxie's not in tonight – it's his night off. Can I get you someone else?"

_Damnit. __**Damn.**_ "No. I mean, no thanks. I was interested in…Roxie…specifically. Does he work tomorrow?"

"Everybody works weekends, sweets. You wanna reserve him for the first of the night?"

"Ah…OK, yeah."

"Costs more."

Axel didn't want to ask. "OK. Hey…is he legal?"

The man snorted. "All my boys are legal, mister. _And_ clean. You don't know much about this place."

"No…I'm sorry, I don't."

The man flipped his hair to the side. "Well. Finest boys in the city, right here." Axel was a little disturbed by the exchange, and said nothing. The man gave him a once-over look. "Anyway. You want Roxie for first of the night, you need to be here by 8. That's if you want full service. If you want just a quickie you can be a little later. But guys reserving a boy don't usually want just a quickie." The man smirked a little.

Axel felt nauseated. His mind was entirely too helpful with the mental pictures. "Eight. Got it. Thanks." He turned to escape the building as quickly as possible.

He might need to borrow a little extra cash from Demyx. This interview might not be cheap. But then, "Roxie" was probably used to getting money in exchange for whatever services he provided. Axel doubted the boy would be willing to waste time giving out free interviews.

_Thank the gods that's over. Now to just get through another night…_ A lovely prospect, considering the way his nights had been lately.

Still, it was only one more. Maybe things would improve after talking to the boy. Roxie. Maybe things would finally calm down for him…

_Tomorrow…_

-o-o-O-o-o-


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

Hehe, well, time for The Interview! I know some of you have been waiting for Axel and Roxas to finally get some quality time together – well, I hope this doesn't disappoint. XD

* * *

Roxas was hanging up his plain jacket and pulling on his fur-lined one in the clean-up room behind the bar when his boss poked his head in.

"Evening, babe. You got a reservation tonight." The pink-haired man in the floral print dress winked and gave him the thumbs-up.

_Yesss!_ "Thanks Mama!" The blond beamed gratefully at his boss.

"Hey, it wasn't me kiddo. He asked for _you_." Marluxia checked a clipboard chart. "I'm putting you in Suite C. I told him 8, so he'll be along soon. Run up and make sure those damn janitors did their job; I'll send him up when he comes. Make sure the room looks _nice_."

"Sure Mama." The blond accepted a key from his boss and headed for the elevator up to the rooms set aside for clients with reservations.

Opening the room, he groaned in frustration. The janitors really didn't know how to make a bed or put anything in order. Marluxia always had to have the boys checking the suites after they had been cleaned. Roxas set to work making the room look more attractive.

The bed had to be made. The furniture straightened and put in place – the drapes too. Roxas opened a window, since it was one of the first warm nights of spring. He dimmed the lights, choosing a level that made everything hazy, while keeping everything visible. Finally, he reached into a cabinet in the bathroom and withdrew an incense burner, complete with a mild incense…that also doubled as a pretty effective aphrodisiac. As that burned, he ran to the bathroom to fix his appearance.

Of course he was already perfectly clean, and in the best shape he'd be all night. He fussed with his hair a little more and checked his complexion. Then he turned to his outfit. Tonight he was wearing a tight black button-down dress shirt and another pair of risqué pants, designed to ride low. He decided to lose the fur-lined jacket and unbutton the shirt completely, except for one

button near the bottom. He also undid the top button on his pants, making sure the effect was acceptably alluring.

A client requesting you was a good thing. Roxas didn't get them very often. Only on weekends, and not every weekend either. They were _very_ good money. Which was why he didn't often see them on a regular basis – he was very hard to afford that often. But some of the richer ones did return. However, since Marluxia hadn't given him a name, he guessed this was an unknown new guy. If he was _very_ lucky, it would be a new guy who was one of the ones loaded enough to come back from time to time. In any case, a reservation meant his night was off to a _good_ start…and all the better if he could make it last longer.

Roxas ran a final check over himself and the room, making sure that all the provided sex toys were in the correct drawers and had been cleaned properly. _If those janitors would just do their damn job right, we wouldn't have to always check this stuff._ Roxas sighed and checked the time. Just after 8. _The client should be here anytime._ The atmosphere was ready – warm night air scented lightly with incense, and low lighting. Very sexy. Roxas lay down on the bed to wait.

Within a few minutes, he heard a knock on the door. _He's here…_ Roxas rolled over onto his side and propped his head up with one arm, reclining in an inviting pose. "Come in!" He called.

The door opened, and Roxas froze.

"Uh…is this the right room? The pink-haired guy told me this one…" The man was blinking into the dim light, trying to see.

_You must be fuckin kidding me…_

The man spotted him, and shuffled uncomfortably. "Ah…uhm, Roxie? It's Roxie, right? I dunno if you remember me…Axel?"

Roxas slid slowly off the bed and strolled forward, smiling seductively. He looked completely unfazed, but his mind was racing. _What is the __**deal**__ with this guy? Why is he here again? He ran away petrified before…he __**has**__ to be straight. Did he figure it out finally? Does he know it was me who took his money? Why else would he be here? Or does he really want to have sex this time? He has to…why else would he make a reservation? Wait…can he even afford this? I didn't think he was that rich…_

As his mind desperately tried to make sense of the redhead's return, Roxas reached the still-uncomfortable-looking man. Panic or not, he would do his job. He reached out, sliding his hands up the taller man's arms and draping them around his neck, smiling with half-lidded eyes. "Axel." He murmured softly. "Of course I remember. Welcome back." He pressed his thin body against Axel's. "Thank you for requesting me. Come in." He lowered his voice even further, leaning to whisper in the man's ear. "I'm all yours."

He could feel the man's body relax slightly, and Roxas drew him into the room, shutting the door. As he pulled the reluctant but unresisting man toward the bed, he checked the expression on the other's face. His eyes were nearly closed, his mouth open a little – he seemed to be seduced right into a daydream. _Spacing out now? If this isn't the weirdest guy I have ever…_

Roxas gently pushed the man down, until he was seated on the edge of the bed and Roxas was able to climb slowly onto his lap, straddling him. The change had startled the man slightly, and he seemed a little bewildered. Roxas didn't wait – he leaned down to close his mouth on the man's neck immediately.

Suddenly, Axel's eyes were wide open. He had been involuntarily imagining scenes from his dreams…but when he felt the mouth on his neck, he suddenly regained his grip on reality.

"Woah, woah, wait a second!" Roxas felt his shoulders gripped by large hands, and he was quickly moved off the man's lap and seated on the bed. The redhead jumped up and took a few steps away. He seemed extremely jittery as he turned to face the blond on the bed.

Roxas looked up in confusion, head tilted to one side. What was wrong with this guy? Had he done something wrong? He doubted that, but still…he didn't want to lose the client.

He raised wide blue eyes to the man and asked, "Did you not like it? I'm sorry…Axel. What do you want me to do?"

Of course, he knew his innocent act was good, but he had never seen anyone look so dazzled by it. Axel seemed to have lost his ability to think or respond again. _Ah, so that's the way you like it? _Roxas tried a different tactic.

Intensifying the angelic look a bit, he leaned forward, reaching out toward the man as if longing for him. "Please come back to me. Tell me what you want…I'll do anything. I want to…please you." On the last line, Roxas allowed the Innocent Angel look to take on just a hint of sweet suggestion.

The man named Axel seemed very much affected. He shuddered slightly with the effort of resisting. However, instead of moving toward Roxas, Axel turned stiffly and sat down in a nearby chair. Roxas didn't know that Axel was trying to make it more difficult for himself to lose control and rush to the blond boy. The sensual atmosphere was fogging his thoughts badly…and the partially exposed body in front of him was sending burning images and sensations through his entire being. Axel was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea…he wasn't sure how he could last, he wanted this boy so badly.

"No. Look. Uh…I didn't come here for that. I should explain…" Axel trailed off, and Roxas looked at him, even more confused.

"Didn't come here for what? Explain what?" The boy began to rise from the bed to approach his client.

"Wait, stop!" Roxas froze. "Stay over there, please." The man's commands confused him yet again, but Roxas sat back down.

"Why? What's wrong, Axel?"

Axel shivered at the sound of his name, spoken with that sweet voice. "Look, I didn't come here to…to have…sex."

Roxas was beginning to feel very exasperated with the client. He had no idea what the man wanted, and this last bit of news made him feel like giving up on this weird guy. Still, a reservation was too good to throw out.

"You don't want to have sex?" Roxas' voice was a little less seductive and a little more natural and confused now. "What do you want then? Why the hell would you reserve a slut and a room and then not use them?"

Axel visibly cringed at the rough word "use". _Using_ the slut named Roxie was the very _last_ thing he wanted.

"I…I can explain." He began to struggle through his prepared story, while the blond boy listened with slightly furrowed brows. "I…I'm a writer. I'm writing this book, see, and there's this character who is a prostitute. And I like to make my writing realistic, so I needed to find out what it's like to…be one. So I made this appointment because I was hoping I could…interview you. About your life and…job and stuff."

Roxas blinked a few times. His expression was now less confused and more disbelieving. "You want to interview me."

"Yes."

"For your book."

"Yes."

"About being a slut."

Axel visibly cringed. "Well, yeah, you know…about your life, and…your job. That kind of thing."

Roxas paused again, attempting to digest this information. Nothing like this had ever happened to him. In the midst of his confusion, a new thought interrupted.

"Hey, what about the money? You're still paying for this reservation, you know!"

Axel had somewhat anticipated this. "I wouldn't ask you for your valuable time without paying you. Since I realize I am…ah, getting the way of…other, uhm, c-customers. I am prepared to pay for the reservation…I just want to use the time to interview you instead. And…I'm hoping…that is, I'd also like it if you would agree to future interviews as well…which I would also pay you for."

Roxas couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Do you have any idea how much money you are talking about here?"

"Ah, I don't know exactly…"

"My starting hourly rate is 300. That's 300 an hour, for any service except bondage. Reservations are different. The first hour is 500. However many hours after that, it's 300 per hour again. Rooms are usually 50 bucks for the first hour, but you made a reservation. That means we have to use a suite – Marluxia's policy. Suites are 200 for the first hour, and if you go even a minute over that, you've got it for the rest of the night, for another 100. This hour right now is costing you 700, and in about 40 minutes it'll cost you another hundred if you're alone, or another 400 if I'm still here. That's 1,100 for _one_ interview, unless you can ask all your questions really quick. Now," Roxas stopped rattling off numbers to take a breath and stare at his overwhelmed-looking client, "Are you seriously telling me you are prepared and able to pay that kind of money for _just talk?_"

Roxas watched the stunned man trying to choke out an answer. Finally, the bewildered green eyes focused on him, and the man voiced a seemingly irrelevant thought.

"You're really good with numbers."

Roxas inwardly groaned. _Weird idiot._ "When they have dollar signs in front of them, yeah, I am."

Axel swallowed. "Well, uh…I have money, but…well, you know. I'm not rich or anything. So, if there's any way it could be cheaper…"

"Room rates and _my_ rates don't get discounted for anybody. Marluxia's policy."

"Uh, OK…maybe if we could go somewhere else, not use the room?"

Roxas paused. Well…he'd still get _his_ rate… "Where?"

"Well, my place…"

Roxas cut in immediately. "Employees are not allowed to go home with clients. Business is done here. Marluxia's policy. Protects us and protects his cut of our work."

Axel was struggling for ideas. "Well, it would also be good for my writing if I could see where _you_ live…"

Roxas tensed. He had no desire to allow strangers into his apartment. "I am not obliged to grant that. Marluxia's…"

"…policy, yeah, I figured." Axel cut in.

Roxas glared at the redheaded weirdo. "Well…what _can_ you afford, after tonight? Assuming we keep this to the 700 you're already paying?"

Axel grimaced. "Not much. I didn't realize it was this expensive…I mean, I said I'll pay it so I will, but I can't afford to do this every time."

"But you'll still pay me for interviews after this?"

Axel met Roxas careful gaze. "Yeah, if I can figure something out with you. Maybe do it during the day, not get in the way of your…valuable work time?"

Roxas frowned thoughtfully. "I sleep during the day most of the time."

"Oh…yeah, I guess that makes sense." Axel seemed discouraged.

"Although…" Roxas hesitated. He wasn't sure he wanted to make any promises to this guy. However, if the man really just wanted to talk to him…and if he was paying, even a just a little…well, it would help. "I have Thursday nights off. Sometimes Wednesdays too, but not often. As long as I don't use my nights off for sex…I could meet you early in the evening or late in the afternoon. Actually…I could do Mondays too, but it would have to be later. If it's not during my work hours…and as long as you pay for tonight…I guess I could work out something cheaper, just between us."

Axel looked up, a hopeful expression greeting Roxas. "That would work for me, if you could do that. Uhm…what kind of price could you do it for?"

Roxas didn't like to do it, but he could tell that the man would need a serious break if he was going to be able to pay for interviews at all. He told himself that even if it was only a little, it was still money, earned during hours that usually would earn him nothing. "Well…could you afford 50 bucks for each interview?"

Axel brightened a bit more, but was still a little hesitant. "Per hour?"

Roxas scowled a bit. "I guess…there's no need to worry about hourly rate. Just…don't take all night, and it can be 50 bucks for the whole thing each time."

Axel was clearly relieved. It was obvious in his expression and voice. "That would be great. Thanks a lot."

Roxas shrugged. "Sure," he mumbled. He almost smiled at the happy look in Axel's green eyes. _He's a silly idiot, but maybe he's OK…_ Then Roxas realized something else. He had been hoping for a client who would return with reservations. He had been hoping for a Mr. Moneybags. And he had been almost _counting_ on getting more than one hour out of this reservation tonight. With 25 minutes left, he began to wonder if he couldn't get a little more out of tonight.

"Sooo…you want to ask some questions now? You have some time." Roxas watched as Axel checked the time.

"Ah, I shouldn't keep you. Besides, I might forget and lose track of the time." Axel chuckled a little. In truth, he was anxious to get out of the room. As much as he was pleased to be able to talk to Roxie and see him, he had been struggling with his desires throughout the entire talk. He didn't know what it was – the scent in the room or the way the boy's clothes were hanging off

him, revealing teasing amounts of skin – but he had been turned on the whole time, and struggling to suppress it.

"I should probably get going. If next Thursday evening works for you…?"

"Yeah…around 7? We can meet at a café…here, let me give you an address." Roxas borrowed Axel's pen and paper and scribbled an address, then handed it back over to Axel. "This is a good place. I'll meet you there."

"OK, good." Axel agreed, standing. "Oh, I wanted to ask…your boss told me you go by Roxie here, but…would it be possible to get your real name?"

Roxas finally let a tiny smile escape. "Roxas. But don't tell."

The man nodded, smiling back. "Roxas. Thanks."

Axel headed toward the door. Secretly, he loathed the idea of leaving. He wanted to stay with the blond…with Roxas. Even more than that, however, he couldn't bear the thought of what the boy would be doing next. Axel knew that, once he was gone, it was back to work for Roxas…and he couldn't allow himself to think of the men that this boy was going to "service" tonight. If he thought of it…he might not be able to act rationally.

Roxas, for his part, was struggling as he watched Axel turn to go. Maybe it was the continuing need for money, or maybe the incense had started to get to him too. He wanted to convince the man to stay. He imagined how nice the night would be if he could spend the whole time with Axel…and never go down to the bar and hook up with some lowlife or pervert. He knew it was impossible but…he couldn't help trying one thing, just to be sure.

"Axel, wait." Roxas stood and stepped toward the man, who had paused and turned back on his way to the door. "Uhm…about this book. You said you wanted to know about being a slut, so you can write the character realistically, right?"

"Yeah, that's right." Axel nodded, feeling a twinge of guilt for his little lie.

"So, will this character have…customers?"

Axel's brow furrowed slightly. He was unsure where this was leading. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, definitely. He'd have to."

"You need to write them realistically too?"

"Oh yeah. All the characters…realism is important."

"Well…" Roxas stepped closer again. "Does that mean you are going to go downstairs and interview some of those guys for real-life information? Or," Roxas was now standing directly in front of Axel, and he lifted his hands to slide them up the man's chest lightly, "In this case, you could get first-hand experience. Wouldn't that be better?"

Axel's hands twitched involuntarily, beginning to reach for Roxas, his control slipping simply from the nearness of the boy. "What do you mean…?"

Roxas pressed himself against Axel, keeping the man's gaze locked on his own inviting blue eyes. "I'm still yours. You could find out what it's like…with me."

-o-o-O-o-o-

The hands on his chest, the thin body pressed against him, the scent of the room that had been driving him crazy – now mixed with a new scent, an alluring fragrance coming from the blond boy – everything was combining together with the sweet invitation in those irresistible blue eyes, forming a temptation so strong that Axel's already-exhausted self-control was abandoning him rapidly, leaving him at the mercy of desires stronger than he had ever felt in his life.

He wanted this boy. He wanted him so bad his whole body hurt. _Roxas…_

He felt those hands moving up again, brushing up his neck and touching his face – a light, intimate caress. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the beautiful face, the angelic blue eyes, pulling him in. His hands were moving slowly…he wasn't even aware of them. On their own, they unbuttoned the last button of Roxas' shirt, then slid across his chest and stomach and began to move slowly up and down the boy's slender sides, mirroring the soft touch on his face.

In response to his touch, the angelic expression melted a little. Eyelids drooped to half cover eyes that shone with pleasure. Pink lips parted slightly, releasing warm breath and a sigh of "Axel…" He couldn't hold out against that erotic look. He had completely forgotten resistance. He wanted…he _wanted_…

"Roxas…"

The name came out as a moan of longing, as Axel finally lost control.

The moment his lips touched Roxas', heat began to race through his veins. His arms went around the small body, pressing them closer together as he kissed Roxas passionately. The boy responded without hesitation, opening his mouth willingly for Axel's tongue to enter and caress deeply. Axel's hands moved on their own again, pushing the boy's shirt off and rapidly exploring the soft skin of his upper body.

Roxas began to whimper deliciously in response to Axel's desperate touch. Axel could feel those hands moving again – touching him, grasping and pulling him closer. He couldn't think…he could only taste and smell and feel and hear. _Roxas_.

He didn't realize he had been pushing the boy backwards until they fell onto the bed. He didn't notice that Roxas had been unbuttoning his shirt until it was open and soft hands were wildly caressing his chest. With another groan of desire, Axel turned from the open mouth to move down Roxas' smooth neck with burning kisses. As he sucked and licked rapidly, his hands moved to tease and caress Roxas' nipples.

"Ah! Yes…Axel, yes…nnh…more!" The voice was a cry of passion that matched his own feelings perfectly – it was exactly what he was longing to hear.

He bit down lustfully on a tempting collarbone, drinking in the sound of the boy's voice as he continued to cry out for more. Hands were tangled in his hair, tugging his head lower, encouraging him to apply his mouth to a sensitive pink nipple.

The voice rose higher in ecstasy as he sucked one of the perked nubs on the now-heaving, thin chest. The boy was crying out, panting…begging for more. The heat was unbearable as Axel grew more and more aroused by every sound, every touch, by the amazing _taste_ of Roxas' body.

_Roxas, Roxas, Roxas…I'm with Roxas, this is real, oh God…Roxas…_

Then, a small voice in his mind managed to interrupt.

_You're buying him._

_What?_ Axel's heart felt like it stopped with shock.

_This moment, right now…you are paying for him. He is doing this because you are a client…you are __**buying**__ him. _

_No, no, no…I didn't want to buy him!_

"Axel?" A concerned voice interrupted. Axel had stopped without thinking. He slowly became aware that he was lying over Roxas, holding the bare torso, with his face pressed against a smooth chest. "Axel…" The longing voice kept trying to encourage him, "Axel, don't stop…please, give me more…"

"No…" Axel managed to choke out. _I don't want it this way, I don't want him to be with me as a client, I don't want to buy him. I don't want it like this…_

"What? Why not? Axel…?"

"Not like this…" Axel mumbled against the boy's beautiful skin. Green eyes opened to shoot sideways, looking at the clock on the table. Five minutes til 9. _So that's why…_ He felt a lump in his throat, trying to choke his words, as he drew back from the warm body beneath him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered hoarsely, turning away from the wide, confused blue eyes. "I'm sorry for doing that…I…I didn't mean to." He was struggling to try to find words, but none came. Instead, he got up, then turned to lift the boy up as well, tenderly sitting him up on the bed. He gently brushed aside soft blond hair that had fallen in Roxas' face.

Looking at the bewildered boy, he almost felt like crying. He couldn't bear to part from him… leaving him to be used and dirtied by unknown men. Yet…he couldn't be just another _client_. His chest clenched painfully again, as he remembered that he already was…in a way. And he needed to pay the boy…and go. Just like all the others.

Axel opened his wallet and removed the money that he owed for his reservation. Handing it to Roxas, he swallowed hard before he dared try to speak.

"I'll see you next Thursday. I'm…really sorry."

Turning away from the wide blue eyes that were breaking his heart, Axel silently left the room without looking back again.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

Hmm, well, sorry I didn't have this up earlier…I had it written about the same time as the last one, but I didn't like it. It gave me some trouble, but I think I got it fixed now to about where I want it. It also got longer in the process. Oh well. XP

* * *

It was another chilly Saturday morning. Roxas had limped home slowly, shivering a bit. Why did it have to be so cold? The night had started out so warm…

Roxas was once again washing himself clean in the hottest shower he could manage. He wanted to burn away the memories of the hands that had touched him all night…but he could still feel them. His ass had been abused ruthlessly by more than one client, and the painful feeling wouldn't go away. His body remembered being violated, as much as his mind tried to block it out.

He stepped out of the shower and wiped the fog off his mirror to begin his usual hygienic rituals. However, he stopped instead, staring at his own reflection. He looked…older than he remembered looking. He was still a teenager but…his face showed slight signs that he was growing up.

He wouldn't be a boy forever.

His stomach clenched in fear. _No, don't think about that. Don't worry about it, just get cleaned up and get to bed…_ Then he saw his neck. Several large hickies were already visible on the pale flesh.

"Axel…"

His mind was suddenly filled with memories of the redhead, who had been his first client that night. He could remember his expressive green eyes, his low, pleasant voice…and the hands caressing him – different from the other hands. Not grabbing or groping or rough…but passionate and tender and...loving?

He couldn't be sure…Roxas really had no idea what a loving touch felt like. Still...he couldn't remember the last time he had been kissed so much. His clients usually paid minimal attention to stuff like that, preferring to get straight into his pants and satisfy their own desires. Not that no one ever kissed him, or enjoyed foreplay. Some did, after all. But…they were the minority. And even then, they didn't kiss like Axel had. Axel…had kissed him like it was the only thing he wanted to do. Like kissing alone was so good he could do it all night.

Now that Roxas thought about it…kissing Axel all night would have been great. No, better than great…it would have been wonderful, and he wouldn't have wanted anything else.

Or would he?

_Well…maybe._ Roxas brushed his fingers over the hickies, contemplating them and remembering the man who made them. _Hypothetically…if I could have spent the whole night with him, instead of all those other creeps…maybe I would have wanted him to do more than kiss me…after a while. Because…I think…he probably would have made it…nice._

When Roxas really thought about it, he was surprised. It had been a _very_ long time since he had thought about doing more than he actually _had_ done at work. Since the day he began selling himself, he had never desired anyone – he got more sex than he could stomach at work, why seek it in his free time, or wish for more?

But tonight, he had almost…_wanted_ it. Roxas had never actually wanted it in his life. He had wanted the money. He had done his job for that. Real desire hadn't had a place in his life for as long as he could remember. In order to satisfy his customers, he usually had to help himself along, forcing himself to become aroused for them by thinking of the money they were paying.

But now, remembering Axel's touch and the way he had reacted, Roxas was forced to admit that he _might_ have actually begun to want someone…for the first time. The caresses, the heat, the passion he could almost _taste_ from the man…they were so different, and he had wanted more. Not for money…

With Axel…he had forgotten about the money. Sure, that's what was in his mind at first, but after the man started kissing him, he had…forgotten it.

The thought made Roxas blink rapidly, staring at his reflection in surprise. _Huh…_

And then, the man had stopped.

"_Not like this…"_

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_I didn't mean to…"_

Roxas felt confused and slightly hurt all over again. _What did he mean? Why did he stop? Did he…not like me?_ Roxas shook his head. _No…that couldn't be it. He wouldn't touch me like that if that was the reason. _Roxas couldn't forget or ignore the gentleness of Axel's touch…the tenderness in those hands as they brushed the hair from his eyes.

He remembered watching the man leave…and the sick, painful sensation that had risen in his stomach. He hadn't wanted Axel to go. He had felt sad and lonely when the warmth of his body had pulled away. He hadn't even been thinking about the money…and he had felt so cold…

Roxas shivered in his bathroom. He realized that he was still standing there, wet, on the chilly linoleum floor. He shook his head again, trying to clear his thoughts, as he began fixing himself up.

He needed to get his breakfast eaten and call his mom. He needed to get some sleep. He was so tired. As soon as he stopped thinking of Axel, he remembered the rest of the night…and the pain came rushing back, making him limp stiffly from the bathroom to the kitchenette.

It had been a busy night.

Roxas ate his breakfast standing up, with the phone on speaker as he listened to his mom's nagging. He couldn't sit down…it was too painful.

Finally, he was able to crawl into bed, slowly lowering himself onto his stomach. As he rapidly drifted off, jumbled memories of the night's clients came flooding back again, blending together with the sounds of voices arguing from upstairs. Roxas would probably have bad dreams from this, he could tell.

_Nooo…I want to dream about Axel…_

But it was too late to think of anything else…Roxas was already asleep.

-o-o-O-o-o-

"Why are you avoiding me? Why do you keep standing me up? Would it really kill you to just _talk_ to me for 10 minutes? Do you hate me that much?"

"What are you talking about? Aren't _you_ the one who has been stalking me, and even followed me home? Who wouldn't avoid a person like that?"

Demyx had been trying to get a chance to talk to Zexion for the past week. He had gone to the pizza place a week ago. When he had walked in and seen Zexion – the real Zexion, exactly as he remembered – he had been so happy he could barely speak. But Zexion…had seemed frozen in shock.

"Zexion? It's me, Demyx. Do you remember me? From college?"

"Demyx…" The blue-haired man had choked out. "How…what are you doing here?"

"I came to find you. I've been looking for you. I…can we talk?"

Zexion's mind seemed to be racing. "Look, Demyx, I…I'm working right now, OK? Can we meet up some other time? I'm really busy right now."

Demyx's heart felt like it had been crushed, but he smiled anyway. "Sure! When is good for you?"

Zexion had set a time and place – Sunday for lunch. Demyx had been even more saddened to have to wait that long…but he had waited. And shown up.

Zexion hadn't.

Demyx had gone back to the pizza place. And waited. When Zexion finally came in, he had tried not to show his disappointment. They had ended up setting another "date". Tuesday.

The same thing had happened.

Demyx still acted unfazed. Zexion promised to meet him this time…Saturday, for breakfast. Demyx had agreed…but had secretly doubted. So that day, he followed Zexion home from work. He found out where Zexion lived. He knew he was beginning to act stalkerish, but he didn't care. Being stood up was breaking his heart…but again, he didn't care.

He needed to see Zexion. Needed to talk to him.

So, when Zexion stood him up again, Demyx didn't go to the pizza place to wait for him to come in to work. Instead, he went directly to Zexion's apartment. And, when the unkempt man answered the door, Demyx wasn't pretending anything anymore.

Zexion tried to pull the door shut and retreat into his apartment after accusing Demyx of stalking him, but the sandy-blond blocked the door open.

"Yes, I stalked you. I followed you home. I'm sorry, Zexion but…" Demyx's voice finally lost the angry edge. "…I just wanted to talk to you. I can't give up…until we talk."

Seeing the hurt expression on the blond's face sent a stab of guilt through Zexion. He was nervous – afraid, even – but he couldn't help relenting a little. Demyx had always been able to soften him like that.

Zexion sighed. "If we talk, will you then go away and stop bothering me?"

Demyx winced at the word "bother". It hurt…but he had spent every minute since college hurting _without_ Zexion. Being hurt _with_ him – accepting hurt just to be near him – was better than missing him and being alone.

"Yes. Please…just talk to me."

Zexion scowled, as the pitiful look on Demyx's face and the pleading tone in his voice made his resolve melt even further.

"Fine. Come inside." He ushered his guest into the small apartment.

Demyx looked around briefly, taking in the tiny room, sparsely furnished but presentable and clean. There was a couch and coffee table, plus one chair and an end table, all gathered in front of the TV. The kitchenette was divided from the main room by nothing more than a small table with one chair. Aside from that, there appeared to be a bedroom and bathroom and a few minimal decorations, nothing more. Unknown to either of them, it was a cleaner, better decorated version of an identical room just beneath it – Roxas' room. Demyx turned as Zexion offered him coffee, then directed him to the sofa, apologizing that it was the only decent seating.

"All right." The host set his coffee mug down and leaned back on the couch, running fingers through his hair to straighten it and brushing absently at his shirt. "You're here, in my house. We have coffee. I look a complete fright. What did you want to talk about, that demanded this classy environment?"

Demyx chuckled sadly. "I sure missed how sarcastic you can be at times."

Zexion just gave him a Look.

"Sorry, sorry." Demyx sipped his coffee. "I guess I shouldn't waste your time. So…I'll just come out with it. I've been looking for you. Ever since graduation. I wanted to know…why you pushed me away. And then…I wanted to know why you disappeared. And now…I want to know why you are avoiding me. Do you really hate me so much for…for doing that? The night before graduation?"

Zexion wasn't sure how to respond. "I…I don't hate you…"

"Then…why? Why disappear like that, and avoid me like this, when I told you that I love you…"

"Stop!" Demyx looked up, surprised. Zexion was shaking slightly. "You…you don't. You can't mean that. You were…just…I don't know. You admired me or something, you thought I was smart. I knew you looked up to me. But you never really loved me, you were mistaken."

"No!" Demyx turned earnestly to Zexion. "It wasn't just that. I loved you the whole time, and I was…_am_…sure of it! My feelings have never changed since then, even though I didn't know if I would ever see you again!"

"How can you say that…?"

"Because I _know_. There were so many things…I can't even begin to tell you…but I _knew_. And…and when I…ki-kissed you…it felt so wonderful…like nothing else in the world." Demyx's expression fell. "But you must have been disgusted…"

"No." It was barely above a whisper, but Zexion's voice stopped Demyx. "I wasn't. I…was happy. Honestly…I was so happy I couldn't believe it." A bitter laugh escaped Zexion's mouth.

Demyx couldn't believe the words he was hearing. "Then…why disappear? Why run from me?"

Blue hair hid most of the man's face as he spoke without looking at Demyx. "I thought you were just…looking up to me. And then, later, I wanted to find you again but…I couldn't let you see me anymore."

"Why not?" Demyx reached out to touch the thin shoulder in concern.

Zexion pulled away from the touch. "Why? Look at me. Look at my life now. I graduated college – I did so well. I was so smart, had such a future…now look. I'm a manager at a pizza joint. I live alone in this dump. I'm such a failure…and I didn't want you to know."

"But how…?" Demyx had to ask. He didn't understand how Zexion had gotten like this. The other man just shook his head.

"It's…kind of a long story."

Demyx curled comfortably on the couch, facing the hesitant man. "Like I care?" He offered a small, encouraging smile.

_I really need to learn how to say no to this guy…_ Zexion sighed, and began explaining without further argument.

"I got a good job right after graduating. A good position for a starter, at a good company. My boss liked me. I guess…he liked me a lot. He took an interest in me right from the start, and was after me within a week."

Zexion noticed Demyx's angry, troubled expression. "He wasn't harassing me, Demyx. He was just…really friendly. And he would ask me out for coffee, that sort of thing. Eventually, he started asking me out on dates. Until then, he always treated it like colleagues just hanging out. But I think that he eventually decided that…he could try for more."

Demyx was clearly trying to contain his jealousy. _After I knew him for __**four years**__…how dare that guy?_

"I hadn't told him I was gay or anything. He just…figured it out. And…I had just recently figured it out myself I guess. Because of you." Zexion inhaled deeply. "Anyway, I wouldn't agree. I…didn't think that you had really meant it, or known what you were saying the night before graduation, but…I was still thinking of you. So I just wasn't interested in him."

Demyx's eyes were shining now. He was unable to conceal his delight at hearing this information. He had a sudden urge to touch Zexion, to find out what his kiss felt like…but he kept silent and listened.

"I had no idea that he would get so dangerous when I refused him."

Demyx was suddenly worried. Zexion paused to sip his coffee, preparing to tell a story he had never told to anyone yet. As he set his mug down again, he felt a slight tug at his sleeve. He turned to see Demyx looking at him with silent concern. Wordlessly, Zexion reached out to touch Demyx's waiting fingers. The contact was new to both of them, but felt…comforting.

Zexion resumed his story. "I forgot to mention that Xemnas – that was my boss, I forgot that too – was also really close to another of my co-workers. I didn't see the other guy – his name was Saïx – outside of work. I really had no contact with him besides minor business in the office…until the day he showed up at my house. I opened my door, and there he was. He forced his way in without a word. He…overpowered me, and he force-fed me this drug…and I don't remember anything else until the next day."

Demyx's hand was clenched tightly around Zexion's fingers as the blue-haired man continued.

"I knew something horrible had happened when I woke up. But…I didn't know everything until I went in to work. Xemnas called me into his office…and showed me the video Saïx had made. That's how I found out for sure…that I had been raped."

"_WHAT?_" Demyx couldn't stay silent at this. He started up, furious, choking on his anger.

Zexion gripped Demyx's hand harder. "Yes, Demyx, that's what happened. And I know it's hard, but please calm down and don't interrupt…I need to finish telling this now, while I can."

Demyx's rage seemed to evaporate. His eyes filled with tears, which he struggled to contain. He knelt on the couch again, wrapping both hands around Zexion's, which he still held. Pressing the hand to his face, he could only squeeze his eyes shut and choke out, "Zexion…I'm so sorry."

Zexion felt his own tears rising, but forced them away with determination. He moved nearer to the quietly crying blond, feeling a closeness to him…the same closeness he had always felt in Demyx's company when they were in college. The distance that he had built up at that time to protect himself, and the distance of the time apart seemed to fade. Quietly, he struggled through the rest of the story.

"On the video…it didn't look like rape. Since I was drugged… Anyway, Xemnas was blackmailing me with it – either become his, or he would show the video to everyone, and I'd lose my job. He had told Saïx what to do…and Saïx had a prepared story in case I accused him of rape. Xemnas had given him the story and would also testify that he had seen me seducing Saïx. Seeing all this, I realized what "being his" would mean…and I refused. He duly ruined my life."

"So now…"

"There was no recovering from it. It was the worst way to 'come out' I guess. I was fired for seducing a co-worker. Xemnas protected Saïx, somehow. My reputation was ruined, and I couldn't get another job. The worst part was…when my family found out. They still won't have anything to do with me."

Demyx wanted to say something – wanted to comfort Zexion somehow, wanted to express his outrage at everyone who had done such things to him – but all he could do was bend forward and lay his head against the other man's shoulder, breathing deeply to keep from sobbing.

Zexion placed a hand on the sandy-blond head. "I found a place to work, and I got the best apartment I could with what I earn. Which…obviously isn't much." A wry expression crossed his face as he looked around.

"How could they do that to you?" Demyx whispered through his tears. Zexion was quiet, allowing Demyx to cry until he calmed down. A few tears also slipped from his own eyes, but he concealed them behind his hair.

When Demyx stopped crying, he quickly remembered his anger, and was determined to have revenge on Xemnas and Saïx. Zexion had some trouble dissuading him, but eventually convinced Demyx that it was impossible, and besides, he didn't want to relive or remember it anymore. Reluctantly, Demyx finally calmed down at that. However, he was still very unhappy.

"So, after all this, you avoided me because you think you're a failure?" Zexion seemed tired and troubled as he answered.

"I _am_. I can't get a decent job anymore and I live in this hovel. I couldn't even protect myself from such a simple attack. And I wasn't going to tell you about this – I wasn't going to tell anyone – and I didn't have any other way to explain…I'm just pathetic."

Demyx wanted to contradict his unfortunate friend. He wanted to make Zexion believe in his own worth…and he wanted to tell him how much he still loved him. However, he remembered one or two things from college psychology…and he knew that Zexion's insecurities were natural, given what had happened to him. The best thing to do wouldn't be to argue or force the issue. Instead, he wanted to help Zexion heal and learn to accept his love by staying beside him, reassuring him and letting time and love heal him.

Demyx wrapped his arms gently around Zexion. "You're not," he quietly began. "You're a great guy. You're always so quiet around people, but then secretly you have this funny sarcasm.

And you are patient…you always put up with me, and I can be kind of silly and annoying, I know." Zexion snorted and cracked a small grin at that. Demyx felt encouraged. "Listen…you are special to me. You always were. This horrible stuff…it hasn't changed anything. I still care about you the most."

"But…"

"Shh. Don't worry about it. For now…just go out with me?"

Zexion couldn't help smiling at the sweet expression on Demyx's face. "I can't offer you much…or afford nice dates. Not with my paycheck."

Demyx gave him a raised-eyebrow look. "You don't seriously think I care, do you?"

Zexion chuckled. "No. I think…what I mean is, I'm unsure about…things. And I might try your patience. You might get tired of me."

"I won't get tired of you. And I have a great role model for learning how to be patient." Demyx winked and poked Zexion lightly. The blue-haired man smiled, rolling his eyes. "Does that mean you'll go out with me?"

Zexion put on his usual stoic face and replied sarcastically, "No, it means the moon is made of cheese."

Demyx couldn't have been happier.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:**

Hi again! Here we go again…wow, chapter 7 already. Whew.

* * *

Axel woke to an incessant pounding on his door. Groaning, he rolled over and tried to ignore it…until the doorbell joined in the clamor. He glanced at the clock, rubbing his eyes so that he could see the numbers. It wasn't noon yet. _Go awaaayyyyy…_ Axel whimpered softly.

Then, he heard the door open, and Demyx's voice called, "Axel sorry, you made me do it! Get up while I put your spare key back and I'll be right in, I gotta talk to you!"

His friend's voice sounded almost sing-songy. Axel buried his face in a pillow.

He was tired. It was the weekend. Demyx knew he didn't get up before noon on weekends, _particularly_ when he hadn't slept well…and he hadn't slept well for a while now. Rolling over, he discovered that this morning was similar to many others in terms of his needing a cold shower. And Demyx was on his way in.

_Shit fuck shit Demyx! _Axel gingerly sat up on his bed and pulled a pillow into his lap. Demyx knocked on his door.

"What the fuck do you want?" Axel was certainly not a morning person, and didn't feel bad about it. Demyx knew better than to mess with Saturday Morning Axel, so the redhead felt like he was off the hook for whatever vengeance his buddy was about to bring upon himself.

Demyx opened the door, and Axel was reaching for a pillow to hurl at him, when the sandy-haired man did something uncharacteristically silly. He leaned on the door to shut it, grinning like a fool, then practically _skipped_ over to Axel and dropped to his knees in front of him. With a beaming face that Axel rather felt like smashing, he looked up at his old buddy.

"Axel." His voice was a breathlessly happy whisper. "I have a boyfriend."

_I'm going to kill him._ "Oh." Axel was furious, but hesitated to break such a delighted face...even if it _was_ nauseating to see so early in the morning.

"It's Zexion, Axel! He finally talked to me and I found out what was going on and...and it's a long story but I'll tell you all about it in a minute but the point is he said yes so we're a couple now, we're _dating_ I'm dating _Zexion_, oh my God can you _believe _it?" His voice actually _squeaked_ at the end. Axel glowered at him, feeling annoyed but also resigned. He couldn't help it. Demyx hadn't been this happy in a _very_ long time, as far as he knew. And with his mom's death still so recent…well, he knew his friend needed a little happiness.

So, instead of allowing Bitchy Axel to lash out, he just sighed. "Get all that out of your system yet?"

Demyx shivered happily, took a few deep breaths, and grinned. Speaking in a much more normal voice and getting up from the floor, he replied, "I think so. Thanks. Now get up and let me make some food or something, I wanna tell you about it!"

Axel tilted his head back to give Demyx a displeased look. "Demyx. It is before noon on a Saturday. I'm not getting up."

"I know, I'm sorry, but this is really _important_. Isn't it?"

"Demyx. I can see that this is the single most joyous moment in your life, but I am not getting up."

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Don't make me drag you out of bed Axel. I will, no matter how much you pout."

Axel inwardly groaned. _This is so goddamn embarrassing._ He swallowed. "Demyx. The reason I am not getting up is because you are in the room, and, as much as we have been friends for a very long time, there are certain things I'd rather not show you."

"I've seen you in your damn boxers Axel, now get up!"

_Can I punch him yet? Please? _Bitchy Morning Axel whined. "Fine. I will get up. But you must leave the room first, and you must wait. Because I am going to go take a _cold shower_ first. Understand?"

Demyx's eyebrows shot up. "Oh." Demyx hurriedly turned to leave the room. "OK, I'll leave you to that, but don't take too long – I'm making breakfast!"

_Why me why me why me why why why? _Axel began to carefully rise and drag himself to the bathroom, grabbing a robe just in case Demyx hadn't cleared out of sight completely.

The night before was still fresh in Axel's mind…and in his dreams, evidently. Remembering it…well, it probably wasn't the best thing for him to think about, but Axel couldn't help it. The way the beautiful boy had looked, the way he had touched him, spoken in that low, inviting voice…and then the way he had tasted, the way he had moaned in Axel's arms, the responding touches, the soft skin, the thin body, the _heat_…everything kept running through Axel's mind, sending shivers through his body, and he couldn't focus on anything else.

It had felt so _real_. Axel had to forcibly remind himself that Roxas had been doing it all as a job to earn money, because every time he thought of it, he almost forgot that tiny little fact. He almost started believing the skillful act that the prostitute had masterfully worked on him.

Axel wasn't bitter at Roxas for it though. No, he couldn't blame the kid for doing his job, doing what he always did. He blamed _himself_ for not having more control, for almost falling for it, for _still_ wanting to believe that the kid had acted on some motivation other than money.

Because – if it wasn't for money, if the blond could respond to him for just about _any_ other reason – maybe Axel could finally _do _something about this _damned_ sexual frustration. Before it made him lose his mind.

As Axel returned from the shower and pulled on some sweats, he could only wish hopefully that somehow – maybe over the course of interviewing the boy – things would change in his favor. Maybe after talking…maybe after getting familiar…maybe some free sex. Just for fun. Just for anything. Just as long as it wasn't for money.

Demyx's still-cheerful face greeted him as he emerged. "Pancakes?" He grinned, stacking a plate for each of them.

"Sure, Dem. Thanks." As annoying at it was, his friend's happiness was also a diversion from his own tortured thoughts. And, after all, if nothing could go right for him, at least it was good that something could work out for Demyx. Axel sighed and opened a cabinet, grabbing the syrup.

"So, still haven't managed to solve that little problem with the boy fetish?" Demyx tried to tone down his smile as he asked.

Axel didn't even look up. In a bright voice directed straight into his pancakes, he asked, "So, what happened with Zexion to get you in such a cheerful mood today? Must be big, since you risked death to come here before noon."

Demyx tolerated being ignored and changed the subject as Axel evidently wanted. "Well, you know I've been trying to meet Zexion this week."

"Uh huh."

"And I was supposed to meet him this morning for breakfast, but I figured he'd stand me up again, and I already followed him home last time, you know. So I just went straight to his house when he didn't come."

"Stalker."

"I know! But I had to see him, you know?"

"Yeah, OK."

"So he comes to the door – he wasn't even up – and we argue a little but then he finally lets me in!"

"What time was it?"

"Uhm, a little before 9."

"Fuck, Demyx! Before 9 on a Saturday?" The concept was clearly mind-blowing to Axel. "I feel kinda bad for him."

"Right, shut up, anyway! So we sit down to talk and I ask him why he's avoiding me, but he doesn't hate me, see, he has this insecurity problem, because his life is a wreck."

"Bummer."

"Yeah, so I get him to tell me the story, and Axel. It is _horrible_. I was so furious, I wanted to kill someone."

"You? What the hell was it?"

"Basically this asshole ruined his life because Zexion wouldn't be his little sex-toy or something. And he did it by having another guy _drug_ him, and _rape_ him, and _tape_ it for _blackmail_!" Demyx choked slightly with renewed emotion, remembering the horrible things that had happened to Zexion.

"Woah, really?" Axel couldn't believe that something that bad had happened.

Demyx nodded. "Yeah, and now he's all alone, and he's kinda poor, and his family won't speak to him." The sandy-blond was looking very dejected remembering all this.

"But you guys got together then right?"

Demyx's face brightened up immediately. "Yeah! I told him how I felt and he agreed to go out with me! And then we talked about stuff for a long time, and then I came here because he had to get ready for work, and I wanted to tell you right away!" With a grin, Demyx attacked his pancakes.

Axel shook his head, smiling slightly. "Well good for you, Dem. You aren't single anymore. This might be the first time since I met you. Congratulations to you guys."

Demyx grinned at him with a mouthful of pancake. He tried to speak, but changed his mind and poured himself a glass of milk first, gulping it down to clear his mouth. "So." He leveled the most serious look he could manage at his friend. "I can see that you don't wanna talk about it, but how did it go with the kid last night?"

Axel slumped unhappily. "Well, obviously I'm still not sleeping well."

"I figured. So what happened?"

"I went to see him. He came on to me, of course. I got him off me and told him the story, about me being a writer and wanting to interview him. He bought it. We set up a thing where I'll pay him 50 bucks per interview, and we'll meet in the evening on nights he has off. This Thursday is the first."

"OK. That's not too bad."

"Yeah. Last night cost me 700 though."

Demyx's jaw dropped. "Woah! For how long?"

"One hour. It would have been 1,100 if I'd stayed a minute over that."

"Holy shit! I had no idea!" Demyx's gaze was frozen as his mind tried to comprehend dropping that much cash for _one_ hour of entertainment…of any kind.

"Yeah…apparently it's like this really top-of-the-line place for gay prostitution. So it's ridiculously expensive."

"_Damn_…so did you just talk to him and go after an hour?"

Axel groaned. "Well…almost."

"You didn't! With a slut?"

Axel glared at his friend. "No Demyx, for the last time, I am not gonna buy that kid! And by the way, his name is Roxas." He leaned forward, thumping his head against the table. His voice came out muffled, "I was close though…"

Demyx's eyebrows shot up now. "You were _what_?"

"OK, look," Axel sat up to explain. "I was leaving. I was doing OK…even though he had been looking _really_ tempting. And then he comes back at me with this line and…and _touching_ me and stuff…I couldn't take it. And then we were kissing…" Axel swallowed hard. "But he only did it for the money…to get me to stay longer and pay for another hour. And I never wanted to buy him…so I left. I left him to all those other guys, to be used by them. But I didn't want to leave!" He groaned again and banged his head down once more on the table. "I wanted _him_. I wanted to fuck him senseless. I'm so tired of this, and it would have been so amazing…why didn't I just _fuck_ him, Dem?"

Demyx frowned. "You don't want to buy him…"

"_Why_ though? Why don't I want to buy him? It doesn't make sense! I mean, I've never had to pay for sex before, but I feel like, if I saw some girl…or guy I guess…that I really got hung up on, and the only way to get them was pay…I would think that I would just go ahead and do it. Maybe…"

_Well, at least he seems to be getting used to the idea of being interested in a guy._ Demyx pondered aloud, "Maybe it's not sex you want from him?"

Axel rolled his eyes. "Seriously Dem? Then why the dreams? And why the damn cold showers? Seems to me – and I could be wrong of course – but it _seems_ that _sex_ is pretty much what I'm lookin for."

Demyx sighed. "Axel, maybe you aren't just horny. Maybe you want this kid – Roxas right? – Roxas, because you're attracted to him. Maybe you're interested in him, and that's why he turns you on, and that's why you don't wanna buy him…because you want something more than that."

Axel was silent, hating what he heard and trying to think of an answer. Unable to refute his friend, he instead observed glumly, "That's deep. And you're not even drunk."

Demyx smiled, shaking his head. "Yeah. So, what do you think? You think maybe it could be that you like him?"

"I dunno, Dem." The redhead rubbed his temple. "I barely know him, how am I supposed to be attracted to him in any other way?"

"Beats me. But you _are_ a pretty good judge of people, you know. You tell me all the time how being a reporter helps you read people so easily and all that. Maybe you saw something in him."

"I _guess_…that could be." Axel grudgingly admitted. "I guess…if I wanna find out…that's where the interview will come in."

"Yeah. You can look at him more closely and find out what it is you might be seeing in him."

"Sounds like a plan." Axel unenthusiastically agreed. "I guess I'll find out Thursday."

"Yep, I _guess_ you will." Demyx slapped him on the back.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas sat in his usual chair by Naminé's hospital bed. He was holding her hand comfortingly, and today, he was the one doing most of the talking.

Naminé wasn't feeling so well.

When Roxas saw that she didn't have much energy for talking, he started to carry the conversation instead, focused on entertaining her.

"The weirdest thing happened to me this past weekend. Want me to tell you about it?"

Naminé smiled weakly, nodding. Roxas' chest clenched, seeing her look so sick. But he decided to talk for her, and to draw out the story as much as he could.

"This guy asked to interview me! Totally out of the blue! He's a writer, apparently, and he's writing this novel, and he's got to get all the details and realism right, so he wanted to talk to me for real-life information. About…my…my job and stuff. And he was this kinda weird guy, like I wouldn't have pinned him for a writer – he was mostly normal, but he wasn't _completely_ normal. He has this really long, crazy red hair…like, it can't be natural. I don't think. And then there's his tattoos – he's got tattoos on his _face_, Nami! Like an upside-down triangle thing under each eye. Who would do that? What does that even mean? That must have hurt like a _bitch_ right?"

Roxas was encouraged to see his sister smile wider and nod. He grinned back at her.

"Anyway, he's gonna pay me a little for the interviews. And the first one is this Thursday evening. And he's gonna write his book, with a character based on _me_. Isn't that cool?"

Naminé spoke weakly through her smile, "That's so exciting, Roxas." Her brother smiled happily at her, feeling rather excited himself. He wasn't sure why, but the thought of the coming interview suddenly seemed much more interesting and fun than it had at first. Maybe it was the fun of telling Nami about it…

"What's his name?" The girl's voice asked softly.

"Oh the interview guy? His name is Axel."

She inhaled carefully before asking, "Is he nice?"

"Axel? Oh, sure he's nice. I mean, he seems nice. He's a really direct guy, even though he looks kinda weird, and has weird ideas…like interviewing _me_." Roxas chuckled. "But he's OK. He seems like just a regular guy to me, you know? And I thought all writers were crazy. But he doesn't seem crazy at all, I mean, he was really honest and straightforward, not at all shady, and he looked right at me the whole time. So you don't need to worry. He seems completely fine, and it'll be really cool and fun. And I'll be in a book…sort of." Roxas grinned encouragingly at his sister again.

Of course, even though he was talking a lot, making his sister smile, he was leaving a lot out. The setting and circumstances of their meeting, the way Axel had evaded his first moves, the way Axel had…failed to completely evade him at the end. Before he left. The way…he was so gentle. And the way he kissed. The way his burning lips made Roxas forget everything, and the way he had drawn real desires out of him…_heat_ like he had never felt before.

Roxas couldn't tell Naminé about those things. They still didn't openly speak about his occupation, and Roxas wanted very much to keep things that way.

His sister wouldn't smile if they talked about it. And his sister's smile was what kept Roxas going.

She was smiling now. She took a few painful-looking breaths before speaking, but her smile remained, shining in her eyes. "We'll have to…read his book when it's…published."

Roxas inwardly cringed. He wasn't sure a book about a slut would be a great thing to share…but then again, he could worry about that later. "Yeah!" He said brightly. "I'll get a copy. Maybe he'll give me a free one, but even if he doesn't I'm sure I can buy one. And I'll bring it here and read it to you. And if he gets anything wrong, I'll just hand you the phone, and you can scold him for messing up the facts after I went and told him how it really is!"

Naminé giggled slightly. "I'll…set him straight."

"Yeah," her grinning brother replied.

Roxas continued to entertain his sister a little longer, but he could see that she was getting exhausted, so he left early. He concealed how unhappy he was to have even less time with her than usual, and instead promised brightly that there would be more stories next week, and he would tell her all about how it went.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Back inside his crummy apartment after doing some grocery shopping, Roxas collapsed on his small sofa to rest for a minute before beginning his usual routines for nights off. He would shop (already done), clean up a bit, maybe watch some TV or read, pay bills, take care of a million little chores that built up when he was working, and relax a little on his night off. And take it easy, physically. Marluxia's boys were allowed to do anything they liked on their nights off, as long as they came in to work clean and sober the next night, and as long as they did _not_ use their asses for _anything_ that would hinder their recovery. It was hard enough to stay in good shape working 4 or 5 nights a week…anything beyond that was idiotic.

Roxas had no problems at all with this rule. Since he had begun working at Marluxia's, he had never even wanted to _think_ about sex when away from work.

Tonight, as he was sitting in the glow of the TV, he was thinking about his sister – worrying about her condition. He couldn't shake a heavy feeling that came over him whenever he remembered how sick she had looked.

She hadn't been getting better. But Roxas would not allow the fear that she would never get better to enter his conscious mind.

_This week was a bad one…it's OK, she'll be better next week. They just need to adjust her meds again or something. She'll start getting better soon…_

To cheer himself up, he pictured her smiles and giggles as he described his unusual client. And almost immediately, he began picturing the client himself.

_Axel…_

He lifted his hand to brush fingers over his lips, as he once again vividly remembered those kisses – hot and hungry, but sweet and melting and wonderful too…and his eyes slid shut, the TV forgotten, as his mind easily recalled the sensations of their encounter, the taste and scent and touch and the _heat_…so much _heat_…

Roxas didn't notice where his hand was going until it brushed between his legs, startling him slightly as he realized that his body had responded to the things his mind had been imagining. He felt hot and flushed all over. His breathing was slightly ragged, and his pants were tight…so tight across his groin.

Of course, Roxas hadn't found himself in this condition in years. And on his night off… _Well, as long as my ass is left alone, it's not against the rules. _His mind was too fogged for much else. He would be surprised at himself later. Right now, as his eyes slid shut again and his hand pulled down his zipper and slid his pants away…Roxas only wanted to think of one thing.

_Axel…_

His imagination was ready to help, embellishing his actual memories with lust-inspired details that hadn't quite happened. His fingers closed around his stiffening length and began to move slowly, gradually increasing the pace as his fantasy took him much further than they had actually gone.

It wasn't _his_ hand stroking him hard anymore. It was Axel's. And he could almost hear Axel's voice murmuring low in his ear, saying things he had heard a million times, but never enjoyed before.

"_You like this, don't you, you little pervert?"_

"_You want it harder? Like this?"_

"_I'm gonna fuck you so hard…"_

Then, suddenly, the lines didn't seem right. And Roxas' imagination began providing words that he had never heard before.

"_You are so beautiful, Roxas…"_

"_Roxas, it's so good…I wanted to be with you so much…I've been dreaming of this, Roxas…"_

"_Roxas, smile for me."_

"_Roxas, let me kiss you again…let me touch you…"_

"_This is so amazing…__**you**__ are so amazing, Roxas."_

"_Roxas I want you."_

"_Roxas…I love you…"_

"_Roxas…Roxas…Roxas…"_

Tears were running from his eyes as his hand stroked in time to the voice in his mind, the passionate whispers that his whole body was _thirsty_ to hear. He was moaning…panting so hard…he was almost there…

"Ahhhh…_Axel!_" His voice was a cry of ecstasy and longing in the empty room.

Roxas collapsed, chest heaving, his mind a blank haze…as he heard one last whisper from the imaginary voice that seemed to penetrate his soul…

"_I love you so much Roxas…"_

-o-o-O-o-o-


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:**

And now…The Interview! The long-awaited, _real_ interview!

I'll leave it at that for now. XD Enjoy!

* * *

Axel was watching the sun set through the window of the small café where he had agreed to meet Roxas. His latte sat cooling, almost forgotten, as he tapped his pencil rapidly on the pad of paper in front of him. He checked his watch for the millionth time – 5 minutes till 7.

Axel was _not_ nervous. He was…highly anticipating the coming meeting. His knee bounced energetically as he bit a fingernail.

The bell at the door rang as someone entered. Axel's head snapped toward the sound…but it was only some other customer, yet again. Axel turned back to the sunset, reminding himself that Roxas wasn't late, yet. He still had…four and a half minutes.

Axel had too much on his mind. Their last meeting – so heated and out-of-control towards the end – and then the way he had left. The seemingly _endless_ sexual frustration ever since he had met the boy. Demyx's advice…which had introduced the idea that Axel wasn't just suddenly turning into a pervert. Instead, there was now the idea that he might, just _might_ have actually developed something like _feelings_ for Roxas. And now he was here to find out if that were possible – and, if so, _why in hell it had happened_. And he was also here to act like a writer collecting information to base a character on. And he was _also_ here to just _look_ at that ridiculously attractive kid, to _talk_ to him and just _be_ with him. _**Sleep**__ with him_, a suppressed corner of his mind managed to whisper.

_No! At least…not tonight._

A gentlemanly decision, indeed. Axel mentally congratulated himself…then imagined smacking his own forehead. _I've lost it, I really have. I am at least ninety percent crazy already, I just know it._

He heard the door open again. This time, when he quickly lifted his gaze to the front of the café, he relaxed – it was Roxas, waving slightly and making his way over.

_He looks so…ordinary_. That obnoxious corner of his mind quickly added, _But kissable_. Axel ignored the thought.

Roxas was wearing jeans and a T-shirt with a jacket. Nothing flashy, nothing revealing, nothing that would turn your head on the street and make you think _slut_. His hair was tousled, clean but not styled. Where Axel had seen earrings before, now there was nothing.

The only thing that seemed a little unusual was the scarf. It was getting cool again, as the sun went down – it was still only April, after all – but it wasn't really scarf weather. And Axel noticed, when the blond sat down across from him with a quiet greeting, that he didn't take off his jacket either…even though the café was warm.

Axel realized that Roxas was keeping his skin covered.

He forced his thoughts away from the twinge of pain that realization caused him, and instead focused on his companion. Roxas. Right here, in front of him. _Roxas. _Whose skin he would _so _like to uncover…

"Thanks for coming Roxas. Can I get you anything? Have you eaten?"

"No thanks, I ate before coming. I'm on a diet."

Axel was slightly surprised, but didn't ask right away. "How about coffee? It's on me."

Roxas hesitated. "Well, if it's not deducted from my pay…yeah, I guess coffee would be nice."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of that." Axel smiled. Roxas seemed to relax a bit. Axel turned to a nearby waitress and gave her Roxas' order.

"So," Roxas began uncertainly, "How do you wanna do this? I mean, I've never done something like this before but I'm assuming you have some things you want to know…?"

Time to play the writer. "Right, well, I was hoping to get sort of a picture of what your life is like. So I'll ask about some things that come to my mind, but feel free to just keep on talking, make it as detailed as you want, and don't worry about boring me. I'll just scribble notes." Axel was trying to sound as casual as possible, keeping an open expression, while appearing like a genuine writer too. And he could tell the blond still felt a little out of his element, and he wanted so much to talk to Roxas comfortably. Like…friends. _Well…maybe very very close friends…at __**least**__. Friends can make out, right?_

Roxas shrugged a bit and smiled, apparently also trying to get comfortable in Axel's company. "OK. Well, I'll try…although it feels kinda awkward to be honest, but…well, ask away."

"All right. Well, one thing you said a second ago – you're on a diet? Why? When you're already so thin?" _Don't think about __**that**__ too much…damn._ Too late.

Roxas didn't seem to have any trouble with this question. "Well I need to _stay_ thin, that's the main reason. And I also need to be as healthy as possible. Beauty products can help my looks a lot, but they work a lot better if I'm already in good shape."

"What kinds of beauty products?"

"Oh, a ton of them. Really girly stuff sometimes. Stuff for soft, shiny hair, a _lot _of stuff for skin health, white teeth, body hair removal, and…uhm…I have some treatments for…down _there_." Axel noticed Roxas blushing a little at this. He tried to ignore the mental pictures that sprang readily into his imagination. _**God**__ I am such a pervert these days. When the __**hell**__ did I get like this?_

"Ah. So, why all the stuff?"

"The better I look, the more I'm worth. Besides, Marluxia's has a reputation, and if I don't meet the standards there, I can't work there anymore."

"Would that be a problem?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah. See, basically…the job in general is pretty good money. If you have a place to work, someone helping you find clients, the money is better – even though your boss gets a cut. Marluxia's happens to be the best – I couldn't earn more anywhere else. But I have to keep myself up to the standard."

"So you earn a lot there?"

Roxas shrugged. "Way beyond what a kid with a high school degree could earn anywhere else."

"You are out of high school, then?" Axel was focusing on his questions as much as possible, trying to keep himself from staring at Roxas' soft, pink lips as he replied.

"Yeah, I'm nineteen. Mama – I mean Marluxia – doesn't hire minors."

"How long have you been…doing this job then?" He maintained his casual exterior, but inside, he was focused intently on Roxas' answer.

Roxas paused. He seemed less willing to answer this question. "I've been working at Marluxia's since I turned 18…almost two years ago."

"Was that when you started?" Axel hoped so, even though it didn't seem likely from the boy's behavior.

Roxas seemed troubled. "Look, are you gonna turn me in for any of this stuff?"

_And lose the chance to talk to you? __**Hell**__ no! _"No! This is strictly confidential."

"Maybe you could just write that on a sheet of paper there – something like you won't use anything I tell you against me – then sign it and let me have that?"

"Yeah, sure." Axel quickly complied with Roxas' request. The blond read over the paper and put it in his pocket, seeming satisfied. Now, he just had to answer an unpleasant question that brought up bad memories.

"I did it before then, too. The first time I ever…sold myself…I was 14."

Roxas' eyes were fixed on his coffee. His voice had gotten low, almost flat. Axel felt like someone had punched him in the gut, but he didn't show his shock. _Oh my God…fourteen…_ Instead, he just listened quietly, automatically making a few notes, as a writer should.

Roxas continued reluctantly. "That was sort of an…isolated event. We – I mean, _I_ – needed money really bad at the time, and there was nothing else to do. This older guy saw me and offered…or it would never have occurred to me. So I did it. He paid a lot. I had more than I needed, so I saved it and it lasted a while. Then, when I was 16 – no, wait, I was 15, almost 16 – I needed money again. So I went to the streets…not really planning to do it again, but just looking for something…anything I guess. And I started to get offers."

Roxas took a sip of his coffee. Axel felt slightly sick, mostly with anger at whatever cruel situation had left Roxas so desperate, not to mention the creeps who had taken advantage of such a young boy. Roxas hesitated, but forced himself to continue.

"It was sort of an off-and-on thing for a while, just when I needed the money…then I would go to the streets. I was in school, and trying to graduate. And then, my senior year…I just started to need money all the time. I got a job in a house that didn't ask questions about age. I wasn't the youngest. That's where I heard about Marluxia's. And the place I worked was kinda crooked and…bad. So I planned to try at Mama's as soon as I was old enough. I went to school, worked when I had to, kept myself _very _clean to help my chances at Marly's, and on my 18th birthday I applied and got in." Roxas glanced up at Axel. "Where you met me, I guess." He chuckled nervously.

It took Axel a moment to pull himself together enough to respond the way a disinterested writer should. Besides anger, he felt so much as Roxas told his story. So much sadness and regret for the boy, so much longing to help…and so much admiration. It was something about the way Roxas spoke about his past – sadly, but quietly, with resignation. No anger, no regret or bitterness crept into his speech. He just told it naturally.

Axel covered his inability to speak by swallowing some coffee. Finally, when he had some confidence in his voice again, he asked a question that had been bothering him.

"Why did you need money so badly?"

Roxas froze. He seemed to be thinking – debating in his mind what to answer. Axel just wanted to know…he wanted to understand the situation somehow. And he couldn't imagine what would cause a 14-year-old boy to be so desperately in need of money that he would sell his own body.

As he watched Roxas, the blond slowly raised his eyes to look at Axel. He seemed to want to say something, to want to answer…but then he drew back.

"I can't tell you. But…it wasn't for anything illegal or wrong. It was an honest need. My family…is poor. They can't manage daily life, let alone anything big. So…I hope you can work with that, because I just can't tell you the reason."

Axel was far from satisfied. He felt troubled by Roxas' story, and he needed a reason for it all, or he didn't know if he could accept what the boy had been through. However, rather than press for an answer for himself, he reverted to the writer's angle.

"Well, I need something for the character…for motivation…"

Roxas thought fast. "I can tell you about others. There are lots of different reasons boys do this." He paused, thinking some more. "I know of one guy who does it because he wants to study abroad next year, but needs a lot of money and he's an orphan too, so there's no one to help him pay for it. A couple guys do it to help their families or themselves – they are just poor and don't have other options that would earn as much. There's a few who are in serious debt – one I think his family's business failed, and another was gambling…or maybe his brother was. At least one of the guys does it because he wants to get rich…I don't know why, I think he has some plan once he's rich. And then there's others who just…enjoy it. I know both the guys who do S&M at the house are mostly in it for their own pleasure."

"Is that common?" Axel was surprised. And he was also wondering if any of those reasons applied to Roxas. And hoping a great deal that most of them didn't.

"Well, most of the boys do it for some other reason, not _purely_ for enjoyment. They could get lovers for that, if they didn't need the money for _something_. But I guess…it's not uncommon that we…learn not to mind it. You have to learn not to mind…or you won't be able to do it. I don't mind anymore. And then sometimes…sometimes guys just get used to it…until they want it." Roxas shuddered slightly. "I've seen them…it's sad. They get too old for the house, but they are just so used to doing it that they can't stop. They go to the streets, to private masters…anyone who will use them."

Roxas glanced at Axel's frozen hands. "You're not gonna write that down?"

Axel forced himself back to life. He had forgotten to keep his hand moving, taking notes. _I had no idea…_ "Ah, sorry. It's fine, I just need to write down things I might forget. I have a good memory, though…and even if I didn't, what you just told me would be hard to forget." He grinned weakly, trying not to seem too troubled. At least it was easier to focus, now that the conversation was more serious. Roxas was still distractingly pretty though…

"I see." Roxas fell quiet, returning to his coffee.

Axel hesitated a moment before asking his next question. He wasn't sure he really wanted to hear the answer. "So you said…it doesn't bother you? Your job…you don't mind doing it now?"

"Oh, yeah." Roxas sounded very casual and nonchalant. "I'm used to it. Half the time I don't even think about it. Like being on autopilot or something…I just go to work and do whatever I have to and go home." Roxas was gazing out the window as he spoke. Axel felt like there was a rock in his stomach.

"Really?"

He was looking right at Roxas…trying to meet his eyes. Trying to confirm for himself that the boy wasn't lying. _Please be lying, please don't be this calloused…I'll never be able to reach your heart…_ Roxas glanced away from the window. His eyes met Axel's intense gaze for a moment as he paused. Then they flitted back to the window as he replied.

"Yeah. It's just work, you know."

His words made Axel's hopes sink. But his expression…_Maybe it isn't. Maybe it __**does**__ bother you, maybe that's why you can't look me in the eyes. I'm not giving up on you yet, Roxas._

"Anyway," Roxas seemed to be trying to break the awkward silence. "Can I ask _you_ a few things, while we're here?"

Axel blinked. "Yeah, sure. What did you want to know?"

"Well, for one…why did you pick me?"

Axel faltered as the blue eyes locked on him questioningly. _Good question, damn it. Because you're the sexiest kid I've ever seen and I can't stop dreaming about you and hoping that we can stop talking and start making out right now…_ "Ah, well, that's because…writer's instinct and all that. And…you fit the mental image I had in my head of my character. I mean, you seemed a little like the kid I imagined, so, you know, I figured I'd talk to you, and things would probably fit." Axel hoped Roxas didn't have as powerful a bullshit detector as he did, with his reporter's instincts.

Luckily for him, Roxas' ability to detect bullshit was strongest with evasive clients – when it came to money. He felt like the redhead was probably leaving something out…but he had no reason to doubt what Axel told him. So he moved to pursue another question he'd been wondering about.

"OK. So, something else then." Axel nodded, relieved and listening and ignoring the mental pictures of making out with Roxas that kept trying to drown out the conversation. "Are you straight or gay or what?"

Axel's wide green eyes were fixed on the blond in surprise…and with a little bit of a deer-in-headlights look. "Uhhh…pardon?"

Roxas raised an eyebrow at him, and proceeded to explain. "It's just that you've been kinda confusing me. When we met at the bar the first time," Roxas was still leaving out any mention of the _real_ first time they had met, "you ran from me so fast I figured you _had_ to be straight. But then when you came for that reservation last weekend…" Suddenly Roxas found it hard to be so matter-of-fact. Axel's heart beat a little harder as he noticed a blush on Roxas' suddenly shy face. "Well, you didn't act straight that time. So I was just wondering what the deal was."

There was a pause as Axel tried to think of an answer to _another_ difficult question…while memories of their last meeting filled his head and made it _very _hard for him to think.

And, though the befuddled redhead was unaware of it, Roxas was also struggling with similar memories. In fact, he had been forcing himself to think about the conversation almost the entire time since entering the café – and his imagination had not been cooperating.

As they both sat, imagining the taste of the other's kiss, the burning caresses, and many other things they hadn't even done, Axel debated over his answer. _I've always been straight but you got my attention, I couldn't control myself with you, I don't think I'm really gay in general I just want__** you**__…_ That wouldn't work. Axel threw out the truth, and decided on a lie.

"Oh, I'm bi. The first time I was just drunk I guess. And the second time…uh, well, it's been a while, so…sorry." He grinned apologetically, and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. _Well, at least it's a tiny bit true._

Roxas frowned slightly. "If it's been a while and you needed something, why did you stop? Even if you were there for an interview…I'm a prostitute, it's not like I'd mind, you know."

_Good, excellent, let's do it! _In Axel's mind, "I don't mind" would work perfectly – anything to get things started. He already had a rough idea of where the nearest hotel was… _Not for money, damn it! He didn't offer anything for free, so forget it!_

"Heh…I guess I didn't think of that." Axel chuckled, trying to maintain the innocent conversation and ignore his perverted imagination. "But anyway, after hearing your rates, I couldn't afford it." _But if it was free…say it could be free! Please?_

Roxas smiled slightly, also trying to appear casual. "I guess you need a lover then, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." A corner of his mind was begging Roxas to offer to fill that little role. Instead, after a pause, Roxas began asking about Axel's previous relationships. He wasn't meaning to pry…he was just making conversation. And Axel forgot about being there to interview Roxas, and just started answering his questions. Trying to remember his past lovers – while not usually a topic he would expect to like – turned out to be a good distraction this time.

As they chatted, both felt themselves finally getting comfortable. Axel didn't mind talking about his past – it was much easier to explain than his present feelings about Roxas, which had to be kept secret. And Roxas was curious about this man…and, truth be told, about the topic of lovers in general. He had never had a lover, after all. He hadn't even really had time for crushes and other normal teenage experiences.

Axel tried to make Roxas believe that he wasn't missing too much, but the blond needed evidence…so Axel began to tell horror stories about his awkward teenage relationships. To his delight, Roxas was soon smiling and even laughing at his stories. They had both forgotten their nervousness – even the tormented fantasies had faded a bit for the time being – as they both sat and laughed and chatted about relationships.

It got a bit later – but instead of leaving, Axel ordered more coffee for both of them (iced coffee for Roxas, who was feeling quite warm, thanks to the jacket and scarf that he couldn't take off), and they kept talking. Relationships had led to family and friends, and Roxas was an eager listener to all Axel's stories on these subjects too. He found out that Axel was an only child, but had lived near his cousins when he was young. He got to hear plenty of hilarious stories about Demyx, who had apparently been Axel's comic relief, eternal annoyance, and best friend since college.

For his part, Roxas also opened up a little more. He told Axel about some of his high school friends (although he avoided mentioning that he hadn't had much free time, due to work, and therefore only had a few friends). He also told some stories of his own childhood…back when his dad was still there…before things got bad. He even mentioned Naminé. He hadn't planned to let Axel know about her…but it just seemed natural now. Now that they were just chatting happily about innocent topics. Now that he _finally_ felt less awkward and tense.

The café closing at 10 was what finally interrupted them, making Roxas suddenly realize the time. He groaned.

"Aw, damn it! I needed to go grocery shopping before the store closed."

Axel was suddenly concerned. He had forgotten that for Roxas, the day was more or less just beginning. "Oh, I didn't know! I'm sorry. What about Wal-Mart? It's open at night."

"Yeah, that's my only option now." Roxas sighed. "But I usually go to the store near here, so I can walk home. Wal-Mart is a little too far to walk back with groceries."

Axel hadn't thought about that either. "Well, can I drive you over there and back? It's not 10 minutes away that way."

Roxas hesitated, and resisted somewhat, on the grounds of "not wanting to be a bother". However, Axel insisted that it was no trouble, and that he was to blame for keeping Roxas so late anyway. In reality, Roxas was mostly worried about having Axel drive him home – he still wanted to keep his residence a secret. The neighborhood was...really trashy.

However, Axel was persistent, and Roxas couldn't deny that he really needed to go shopping. He wouldn't have another chance until Monday, and he didn't really have enough food for three days.

Reluctantly, he gave in. They left the café, and Roxas followed Axel out to his car.

He was too polite to say anything about the rather old red Volkswagen beetle…but Axel noticed the involuntarily raised eyebrows and blushed. After they were in the car, he tried to awkwardly explain.

"So this…is one of many things for which I have Demyx to thank and blame. It's embarrassing I know, but it was cheap. Besides, it gets good mileage…which helps because I drive around a lot."

Roxas bit back his laughter and only asked, through a suppressed smirk, "Researching for writing?"

"Yeah, something like that." Axel chuckled. Then, they both began snorting with laughter.

When they calmed down, Roxas couldn't help making one comment. "So I guess you're not quite the best-selling famous author I assumed you were."

Axel laughed again. "Nope, nothing special at all. Just trying to get by."

Roxas surprised him by laughingly bringing up the previous weekend again. "From the way you were spending last Friday, I'd never have guessed."

Axel raked one hand through his hair. "Yeahhh…that was a one-time kinda thing. Which reminds me, I still owe you for today." Axel was almost to Wal-Mart, so Roxas told him to wait until they arrived. As they got out, Axel fished his wallet out of his back pocket and handed Roxas a fifty.

"Thanks." The blond smiled, and pocketed the payment.

Axel accompanied Roxas through Wal-Mart, saying that he'd rather help push the cart than sit in the car. Roxas only smiled and didn't argue. Axel followed him, content to spend more time in his company.

He even managed to keep his eyes off Roxas' ass…_most_ of the time.

Roxas was focused on finding bargains on health food, but still managed to be entertaining. He made snide remarks about other customers – particularly a very fat woman who passed them with 5 cases of diet soda in her cart. He picked up a whole packaged fish in the seafood department and proceeded to have a conversation with it about why in the hell anyone would buy it. Axel was cracking up by the time Roxas finally told the fish, "You're straight out of your fucking mind you damn stinky fish, and I wouldn't take your scaly ass home if you paid me."

Roxas could be terribly amusing when at ease. He even picked up pomegranates in the produce department and held them in front of his eyes, acting like a complete child as he joked in a goofy voice about how he had "never had pinkeye in his life, what on earth are you talking about?"

Axel couldn't stop laughing at the kid's antics. It was all just so…unexpected. How could this boy be the same person as the skillfully erotic prostitute at Marluxia's?

Axel was also surprised at himself for enjoying a dull trip to Wal-Mart so much. The last time he'd been grocery shopping with someone other than Demyx (who usually got stuck in either the candy isle or the frozen desserts isle or both) was when Larxene dragged him along one day. _That_ had been miserable. She had been no fun at all, and had made the situation worse by promising Axel that, if she ever got married, her husband would not be allowed to just sit at home while she did all the grocery shopping. She _expected_ a little _help_. The experience had made him all the more reluctant to consider getting married…_ever_.

Until now. Now, Axel's imagination took a turn from its focus on Roxas' ass and began to imagine them shopping together as a newlywed couple. Just like now, it would be fun and entertaining…and just being together would be all rosy…and then they'd go home together and get naked…stripping slowly…

Axel mentally slapped himself. _Stop thinking like that! And the rest? When the __**hell**__ did I get to be such a __**fucking sap?**_

He kept his imagination much more carefully constrained as they checked out, Roxas using the fifty Axel had just paid him, even though the cost was only half that. Axel wondered if the boy had brought any other money. When Roxas put the change in his empty wallet, Axel had his answer. _Why is he so poor? What does he need money so badly for? And why couldn't he tell me? _He suppressed the disturbed thoughts, and helped Roxas take the bags out to his car.

Roxas directed him as they drove back, and Axel noticed that the boy had quieted, and seemed a bit nervous now. It made him remember how defensive Roxas had been last weekend, when he had mentioned visiting his apartment.

_I guess he'd rather not show me where he lives. _Upon thinking about it, Axel could come up with a few guesses as to why. One of them being, for a kid in his position it was probably a good idea to keep his residence a secret. Having seen what a few of the clientele at the house were like, Axel wouldn't be surprised if Roxas did this as a precaution against stalkers.

"Turn in here." Roxas interrupted. "You can pull up in front of this building." Axel parked on the street.

"This is the place, huh?" He looked around at the dark neighborhood and the crummy apartment building. This place looked dangerous…but probably very cheap.

"This is it." Roxas glanced at him nervously. "I can take care of the bags from here. Thanks a lot for driving me, it helped out a lot."

Axel decided not to offer to help carry the groceries up to Roxas' room. He had a feeling the blond would only awkwardly refuse. And he didn't want to pry anymore, or make the boy any more uncomfortable.

Instead, he smiled. "Sure, no problem at all." He got out with Roxas and helped him get the bags out, but made no move to follow him. "So, would you be free next week too? For another interview?"

Roxas seemed relieved that Axel wasn't pressing to follow him any further. "Yeah, if Thursday night is good for you again? Same time and place?"

Axel smiled warmly. "Absolutely. And thanks for this evening."

Roxas shook his head, smiling back. "No, thank you. I had…a lot of fun."

"Yeah, me too." Axel inwardly chuckled. It sounded like they were coming back from a date. _Next would be the goodnight kiss… _He had to mentally smack himself again to keep a silly grin off his face.

Then, he noticed Roxas. The shorter boy was looking at him silently. His eyelids were slightly lowered, and he almost seemed to be leaning closer for a moment…

And Axel felt himself being drawn in, against his better judgment. Roxas was just so lovely, so tempting…

They both snapped backward simultaneously when a dog barked down the street. Roxas' eyes were wide. He turned quickly and began to walk toward his building, calling over his shoulder, "I'll see you next week then!"

"Yeah!" Axel called back casually, moving to the driver's side of his car and opening the door. "See you then!" He dropped onto the seat.

Roxas disappeared into the apartment building as Axel started the car and drove off.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas leaned against his closed door, finally dropping his bags on the floor. _Oh my God what was I doing? Was I going to do something to him? I almost…__**kissed**__ him! And…if I'd kissed him I would have asked him to stay…oh my God I wanted him to stay, didn't I? What the __**fuck**__ is wrong with me? I know he can't afford it, and I could get __**fired**__ for taking a client on my night off. Mama would kill me if he didn't get his cut and I didn't come in fresh for the weekend. _

Roxas paused in his panic over the business side of his near-mistake. _He would have been disgusted too. Or at least…bothered. He can't afford me, I know…he's already paying too much to interview me. Why is he doing that? But it was fun…everything was fun…_

He shut his eyes to better imagine that gorgeous smiling face. "Axel…"

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel dialed Demyx's number on his way back to his own apartment. The line was busy and went to voicemail. _If he's in the middle of some long conversation with his boyfriend…_ Axel grimaced and called his house line, which also went to voicemail after ringing.

Axel left a message.

"Demyx, when you get done with your boyfriend, call me. I know it late, but…I think I know now why I can't get him out of my head."

He closed his phone and tried to focus on driving, on getting home.

_I think I'm falling for him._

-o-o-O-o-o-


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:**

Oh. My. Word. I am _so _sorry for the late update. This is unprecedented. Urgh. Really sorry.

However, I fear I must warn you all, on that note, that there's a good chance the almost-weekly updates of the summer will not continue with the same regularity. _I am not going on hiatus or anything_, so don't worry about that. What I _am_ doing is starting student teaching. I really don't know what that will be like just yet, but I know it will be busy. Just _how_ busy remains to be seen. But I thought, in all fairness, I should let y'all know – a heads-up, in case things slow down a bit.

_I will continue to do my best to update regularly._

And, sorry about telling you this right off. I figured – bad news first, then maybe the story will cheer you up. XD Ehehe.

Other than that, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. And… -zips lips- I will say no more! XD

* * *

It had been an extremely normal week for Axel. Since seeing Roxas on Thursday, he had continued working – travelling around to various locations where he had reporting assignments – and had enjoyed many half-sleepless nights. When he did sleep, he had his usual dreams, and their usual results in the morning. It was still not what he would have chosen – not even close – but Axel felt a _little_ less bothered by it now.

At the very least, he wasn't clueless as to _why_ he was having the dreams. And, since he had an idea of the reason, he was slightly less disturbed by them. He also had fewer qualms about choosing the masturbation remedy over the horrid cold shower. He did feel a little bad about making Roxas the star of his erotic fantasies, but he could be very logical when the need arose. So, he had very logically rationalized it to himself.

_Desires are desires. They can't be helped. Either I jerk off sometimes or I get laid. I have…feelings for Roxas. Roxas is not ready for sex other than for work, and I can't buy him. It would be wrong to just to find a girl to fuck when I care about someone else. So I have no choice but to jerk off sometimes, and it's simply impossible to fantasize about someone other than the person I'm interested in. And besides, Roxas said he wouldn't mind. _

Of course, Axel's memory was purposefully taking Roxas' statement a _little_ out of context, but he was sure the spirit of the words still applied.

Apart from work and dreaming of Roxas, Axel's week also included several more long chats with Demyx. He had hoped Demyx could help him figure out why he might possibly be falling for a guy, but Demyx had sagely explained that love was nearly impossible to understand rationally. Instead, he had helped Axel to begin to face his feelings for what they were. As Demyx had said: "I can't tell you _why_ you love him. But I do know what love looks like, and I _can_ tell you that it looks like you do love him. Or, as you said, you are starting to."

Part of Axel hated to hear this. Still…all he had to do was remember Roxas – holding him, kissing him, the way he quietly told his life story, his goofy antics when he was at ease, his beautiful, beautiful smile – and he suddenly didn't hate the idea at all anymore.

Axel had to admit it – he definitely had feelings for this kid. And he definitely didn't mind.

What he _did _mind was the thought of Roxas' job. At random points throughout the week, he would be thinking of Roxas and suddenly remember that the object of his affection saw clients on a nightly basis. Sometimes, when sitting in front of the TV at night or working late on an article, he would wonder what Roxas was doing…and immediately remember that, at that very moment, Roxas was probably having sex with some creep.

Axel would feel furious at the thought. It wasn't Roxas' fault – Axel believed that Roxas was only doing his job, and for a very real and desperate reason. He trusted what the blond had told him, even though he didn't know what the reason actually _was_. And it wasn't exactly the clients' faults either – that's what sluts are there for, after all, and they paid their money. Still…it was a good thing he never saw these men. Axel would have loved to smash all their faces in.

He was battling for control against some _very_ powerful jealousy.

Other than these small troubles that came naturally with the unusual event of falling in love, it was a normal week for Axel. And, as Thursday rolled around, he eagerly waited for his next chance to see Roxas.

-o-o-O-o-o-

It had been an extremely unusual week for Roxas. It was nothing too complicated, no strange happenings. But one small thing was different, and it happened to affect his entire job.

It was all Axel's fault.

Usually, his week was all work and very little play. Usually, work was a drag – a routine of seducing clients, putting on an erotic act, and going home in the morning with no desire for anything but sleep.

Only one small thing was different, but it was changing everything.

It started with the first client on Friday night. Some nameless, faceless man, as far as Roxas was concerned. He led the man to a room, as usual. However, as he was engaged in performing his duties, he began to think about Axel. Axel, whom he had spent the previous evening with. Who had once held him so passionately, yet last night had only talked cheerfully and taken him to Wal-Mart. Axel…whom Roxas had wanted to stay with. Enough that he almost forgot himself, almost kissed the man, almost invited him up to his apartment – which no one had _ever_ seen – for a night that would have gotten him in a lot of trouble at Marly's.

He thought about Axel's smile…his laugh, his voice…his hands, his neck, his eyes, his arms, his hair, his lips…everything.

As Roxas' mind wandered over these thoughts, he suddenly found himself hot, hungry, and _very_ aroused.

Needless to say, the client was pleased. He even tipped Roxas extra for the excellent service.

The blond, once left alone, wanted nothing else but to have a minute to think. He was shocked at himself, and more than a little guilty over using Axel as a turn-on so that he could better service a client. Unfortunately, Roxas didn't have time to think. It was a Friday night, one of the busiest nights of the week, and there were a lot of men in the bar. He came down to find that Mama had had a request for him while he was gone, and the client had been waiting. Roxas quickly accepted his next job.

The same thing happened again.

He couldn't seem to control it. He knew before that he had been attracted to Axel – that was nothing new. But that he was attracted to him _this much_, that any time he started doing erotic things with clients he would be helpless to get Axel out of his mind…this was a surprise.

Still, there wasn't time to question it. And Roxas was quite a utilitarian when it came to anything that helped him earn money. And imagining Axel while he had sex with other men…helped. He didn't have to spend nearly so much effort in acting like he enjoyed it, because, if he pretended it was Axel, he almost _did_ enjoy it. For brief moments, he would even forget that his fantasy wasn't real, and the surge of passion as he came made his mind go blank.

The only problem was, he had to be careful. He nearly screamed Axel's name as he climaxed with the second client. After that, he had to remember to keep his voice well muffled whenever he began to forget who was screwing him senseless.

He ended up with a lot of tips that night. He also went home feeling a little better than usual. Less miserably uncomfortable. And yet, at the same time, it was worse – he felt unsatisfied.

It had never been Axel, not really. His imagination was good, but he could no longer deny now that it was the real thing he wanted. Axel. And he hadn't had Axel, so he felt unsatisfied.

The next night was even busier. He had requests to start the night off – men who had heard from others that this particular slut was well worth the price. Apparently, a few of his clients had passed the word on to a few others. One or two of them were even back for more already. It was a slight increase in his usual work – nothing extreme after only one night – but it was certainly noticeable.

The week passed, each night affected in the same way. Roxas was busy and very tired, but never satisfied.

His visit to Naminé on Monday was short again. He was able to tell her a few things about his interview, but her condition was worse than before, and he had to leave early again. After getting home, he had an unusual amount of pent-up energy…and a little bit of sexual frustration, although he didn't recognize it as such, having never had that problem before.

It didn't take long before he was jerking off again, biting his lip to control his cries as he imagined Axel stroking him, licking his body…_kissing_ him in that overpowering way.

Yet, it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough, because it wasn't really _Axel_. Roxas spent a long time just lying on the couch after that, imagining Axel and remembering their conversation. Just recalling their chat – Axel's expressions, the things he had learned about the man's life, the warm feeling of his company at the café or as they shopped – it was more satisfying than any sexual fantasy.

Tuesday night Roxas worked again, and was again busy. Tuesday nights were usually pretty slow, but Roxas had a fairly steady stream of business. At the end of the night, Marluxia called him over before he left.

"Yeah, Mama?"

Marly was glancing over a chart. "Baby, you been really busy the past couple nights."

"I know." Roxas smiled and winked.

His boss grinned kindly. "Good work kiddo. I'm a little worried about your body though, so I'm changing the schedule a bit. Take Wednesday and Thursday off, and get yourself in good shape for the weekend."

Roxas was a little surprised…but then, it wasn't like it had never happened before to one of Marly's boys. "Is it OK? Got enough guys working tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah, honey. You were due for a Wednesday off soon anyway, I just switched you with Ven."

"Will Ven be OK? He's still new…"

"Oh, he's been doing fine. Show's lots of promise. And you need the break. This weekend might be another busy one." The pink-haired man winked. "You have a reservation already."

Roxas grinned. That would help make up for not working Wednesday night, definitely. "Thanks Mama! I'll see you Friday then!"

"Sure thing, baby. Rest up!"

-o-o-O-o-o-

To Roxas' relief, Naminé was feeling a little better than two days prior. She was able to talk more freely, without tiring out so quickly.

As was his habit when he got a Wednesday night off, Roxas was paying a second visit to his sister that week. He happily told her more about the previous week's interview, including many details about the redheaded writer himself. Naminé smiled as she listened to Roxas chatter on and on about the writer. Eventually, when Roxas seemed to be momentarily out of things to say, she interrupted.

"You have been talking an awful lot about this Axel guy today." She gave her brother a kind, gentle look with a hint of expectant questioning.

"I have?" Roxas was genuinely surprised. He hadn't realized that his conversation was as monopolized by Axel as his thoughts had been lately.

"Mmm hmmm. And every time you talk about him, you look a little starry-eyed. And you smile. I haven't seen you smile this much in a long time." Naminé's expression seemed to add, _Something you want to tell me?_

Roxas blushed – an unfamiliar act up until his recent involvement with Axel. His mind scrabbled for something to tell his sister, some way to explain his feelings. But how was he supposed to do that when he wasn't even sure what these feelings were? The only thing he was sure of was desire, and he could hardly tell Nami about that. The rest was a strange jumble that he didn't seem to have any words for. However, his sister was waiting for an answer…and Roxas had never been able to lie to her very well.

"I…I guess…I've been thinking about him a lot."

Naminé's smile was encouraging. "Thinking what about him, Roxas?"

Roxas suddenly felt very shy and confused. His face reddened even more, so he buried it in the bed, next to his sister. His muffled voice came through the sterile hospital blanket, "I…don't know. I just don't know, Nami." There was a slight pleading in his voice, as if asking his sister to know the answer, to tell him what he didn't know, to somehow make the confusion go away.

He felt a gentle hand in his hair. His sister's voice was a thoughtful murmur. "I never expected you to fall for a man…"

Roxas' head yanked up, his saucer-wide blue eyes fixed on Naminé's kind face. Her smile grew a little wider as she met his surprised gaze, and her voice took on a hint of teasing. "Can I give you away at the wedding?"

Roxas cherished her delighted giggles even through his embarrassed and shocked spluttering.

-o-o-O-o-o-

By the end of Wednesday night, Roxas had taken care of all his usual night-off chores and routines. He would be free of any other constraints all night on Thursday.

In the meantime, he was becoming quite restless. He wanted Thursday evening to come so that he could see Axel. He was also making an honorable effort to _not_ jerk off thinking about the redhead this evening. It was a well-meant thought, but it aggravated his restlessness a great deal.

As he tried to settle down for a day's sleep at last, he found sleep as elusive as if he were a child on Christmas Eve. However, instead of presents, Axel was on his mind. Axel and sex.

Roxas was trying to figure out a way to bring the two ideas together. He would worry about "why" later – right now, "how" was a tough enough question to answer.

How could he be with Axel if the man couldn't buy him? How could he be with Axel on a night off, without getting in serious trouble at work, possibly even fired?

Maybe…he could try to get Axel interested in a little sexual play that didn't involve his ass. Maybe, if they just didn't go that far, he could do it without charging the man anything – make it a special, one-time, just-for-fun thing. Maybe Axel would go for that – he's a bi writer who might still take Roxas up on the offer of more experience for his novel, right? – and then Roxas probably wouldn't get in trouble at work. As long as he wasn't preventing his ass from recovering or making money on the sly without giving Marly his cut, he might be OK. In fact, he doubted his boss would mind – if it was really kept to just that.

At first, Roxas wondered if this would be enough – if he would really be satisfied with this solution. He quickly decided that, although he probably _did_ want more, just having Axel really _there_ with him, doing anything at all, would probably make him very happy.

Of course, his better judgment was far from permissive about the idea. _It's treading too fine a line. He might take it too far, then what would you do? Get fired, that's what. You know you wouldn't be able to resist him._ And Roxas couldn't argue. It was true. The plan was unrealistic and he shouldn't even be contemplating it.

He should be sleeping. Getting some rest, instead of tossing and turning. He'd feel better when he woke up – he'd be more alert if he slept well, he'd have more energy for the meeting. _Just in case_ he needed a little extra energy for anything unplanned that might…happen that night.

-o-o-O-o-o-

As soon as Roxas sat down across from Axel at the café table, he felt all his nervousness and tension beginning to disappear. His jitters had been building since he woke up – as he showered quickly, as he ate breakfast, as he dressed in his carefully selected outfit: jeans and a sweater. Comfortably different from his work clothes, yet as attractive as he could possibly make himself while still looking normal. Even better, he could forgo the scarf this week – the sweater was a large, baggy turtleneck that effectively covered his marked skin.

He checked his appearance carefully. Perfect. It didn't help his nervousness at all.

The worst moment was walking into the café and seeing Axel…who immediately looked up and met his eyes. Roxas almost stopped in his tracks at that moment. Then the man's face broke into a wide smile…and Roxas felt suddenly warmer.

He couldn't help smiling back, and by the time he sat down, he felt as if relaxation was just washing over him. Axel greeted him with a simple "Hi," smiling warmly across the table.

"Hi." Roxas replied with another smile. Then he felt rather foolish, not saying anything better than that.

"Glad you could make it. Coffee?" Roxas gladly took the man up on his offer.

"How is your writing going?" Roxas conversationally asked.

"Oh, steady. What about you? How was your week?" Axel questioned back.

Roxas hummed. "Very busy."

Axel's eyes were suddenly fixed on the napkin holder as he asked in a noncommittal tone, "Oh, really?"

It occurred to Roxas almost immediately that he didn't want to try to explain the reason for his busy week to Axel. So, instead of answer with the sort of details the novelist might find useful, Roxas responded with a vague, "Oh, well, yeah. You know, some weeks are slow, some are busy. You never can tell."

Axel nodded. "I see."

For a moment it seemed as if the awkwardness of the previous week's interview was going to creep in between them again. Roxas dreaded that – it was the last thing he wanted. Especially when he was feeling so comfortable so quickly this time. So, rather than let the silence grow, Roxas quickly thought up a new topic.

"We have a new guy at work since last week."

Axel's eyebrows lifted in interest as his gaze immediately returned to the blond. "Oh, really?" He seemed as willing as Roxas to follow the topic. "What's he like? You get along?"

Roxas happily began describing Ven, as Axel made a few notes. "I don't know him too well actually. We haven't had a chance to talk…not that the boys get to spend a lot of getting-to-know-you time when working, but we do chat between clients, and when things are slow. Anyway, he seems nice. Mama says he shows promise. He looks a lot like me, actually."

Roxas interrupted his story as he chuckled. Axel looked up from a note he'd been scribbling and asked, with a smile at his amused companion, "What's funny?"

"Oh," Roxas replied, rolling his eyes and smiling, "I just remembered that Mama told me the other day that he'd had a request from a client for me and Ven to do a threesome with the guy. I guess because we look alike. The Doublemint Twins, you know? 'Double your pleasure, double your fun,' that kinda thing."

Axel's expression had dimmed a bit, but he still smiled thinly at the happy face of the blond. "Do you…get requests like that often?"

"Oh, hardly. I mean, it's not unheard-of, but mostly we work alone. But anyway, we didn't do this one. Ven's still too new to be able to handle a threesome."

Axel nodded as his slightly-tensed shoulders relaxed back to normal. "I didn't know guys could get turned down…I mean, no offense…"

Roxas interrupted, waving his hand dismissively. "Oh I know, don't worry. Yeah, guys can get turned down. Sometimes Mama does it – mostly with guys that have requests that go beyond what he considers good business. Because of the damage to the goods." Axel inwardly cringed, but Roxas didn't notice. "Sometimes we can turn them down though. I mentioned at the house to you that I don't do S&M, right?" Roxas checked to see Axel nod slowly, remembering. "Right, well, that means if a guy asks for that or tries to just do it, I can stop him. I can call security on him if I have to, too."

"Have you ever done that?" Axel's eyes were slightly widened.

"Oh, believe it." Roxas nodded. "I've had a few that wouldn't listen otherwise. I've also had ones that I would warn, but they liked playing with the boundary line." Roxas realized that his displeasure at the memories probably showed on his face, when he saw Axel's face take on a look of concern. He hurried to dispel the man's worries.

"It's OK though. Usually I just tell them up front and they are fine. If they really want that kind of service, I'll send them to one of the boys who does that. Or, if Mama gets a request for me for S&M, he can deal with that. Either way, I can always turn down anyone who wants S&M service. It's just not something I do."

"Any particular reason?" Axel's voice must have slightly betrayed his heightened curiosity, because Roxas looked at him as he thought carefully.

"I'm not sure…I guess the main reason is that I'd need to get some special training at the house to be up to that standard, and I never really had time for that. But aside from that…I think I'd just hate it too much. I don't like all that pain; it just seems like a horrible experience."

"Heh, I can understand _that_!" Axel chuckled lightly, making Roxas grin back at him. They proceeded to trade sarcastic remarks about the appeal of bondage as they relaxed in each other's company. Roxas felt the mood lighten even more, in spite of the weird subject they were joking about. It reminded him of their Wal-Mart trip – the comfortable atmosphere, the joking, the fun…the way the redhead's eyes crinkled a little at the corners when he laughed, the way those green eyes seemed brighter, livelier, the way his lips pulled back to reveal a captivating smile.

_This is pretty damn near perfect._ The blond thought happily. _The only thing…I wish I was sitting next to him, not across the table. Still…damn fine evening so far. _

As the two young men calmed their laughter by sipping their coffee, Roxas' gaze wandered contentedly from Axel to the window. He smiled in wonder at the sunset outside – it was a beautiful spring evening, and the sinking sun had painted the clouds as vividly as a rainbow. The view cast a pink and golden light over the world.

Roxas didn't realize that Axel was staring at him as he took in the sunset. The redhead, however, could hardly turn his eyes to the window to view nature's evening display – the boy in front of him was so much more beautiful. The blond boy seemed so relaxed and peaceful as he admired the sky, and the tawny light touched his soft face with such warm colors that Axel forgot to breathe for a few moments.

Roxas was the one to interrupt them both. He sighed. "I don't see sunlight very much…the sky is so beautiful at sunset, don't you think?" He turned to Axel with a soft smile.

"Yes," the redhead managed to reply without choking. He wanted to add more…but words were a little beyond him at the moment.

Suddenly, Roxas remembered something, and his bright blue eyes lit up. "Hey! Did you know there's a little park near here? Just two blocks away. Want to go for a walk? It's really tiny, but the weather is so nice, it's a shame to sit inside."

Axel beamed back at the boy – _God what an attractive smile he has!_ – and eagerly replied, "Excellent idea. My legs could use some stretching, after all."

Having agreed on a walk in the park, Axel and Roxas left the café, taking their unfinished coffee with them. Roxas led the way, and sure enough, two blocks down the street there was a small, overgrown entrance to an obscure little park. The place seemed rather dark from the outside – the large pine trees at the entrance cast a shadow that was almost as dark as night in the low light of evening – but after they entered, Axel found the park to be more open and airy than it seemed. There were grassy areas and flowers, and the trees were spaced well apart. A few benches dotted the area, which was not even as large as one city block.

Roxas led the way along a dirt path that wound its way around the small enclosed space. "I come here sometimes on nights off, when the weather is nice and I need some fresh air. It's much safer than the streets for me." He glanced back, looking up at Axel, who was still looking around, taking in the quiet little park. "Like it?"

The sunset was filtering through the new baby leaves of the trees, turning everything green and gold. No one else seemed to be around, and in the shadows under the evergreens a few fireflies were beginning to twinkle. He nodded in appreciation. "I love it. I had no idea there was such a pretty place in this city."

Roxas grinned happily and grabbed Axel's hand. He had an idea. "Come on!" He began pulling the man toward the darker shade.

Once under the trees, he waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark. The sunset was also fading now, deepening the twilight in the park. A firefly blinked nearby, and Roxas fixed his gaze on it, following its vague outline until it winked again.

Suddenly, he reached his cupped hands out to try to capture the insect. However, he just barely missed, as the firefly drifted swiftly above his reach. "Ah!" His slightly frustrated voice escaped in a gasp.

Axel laughed out loud behind him. Roxas turned to catch the sight of the redhead's stunning grin in the twilight. "So we're catching fireflies, huh?" The blond nodded cheerfully. "Sounds good." The man grinned slyly. "I'll show you how it's done."

Thus ensued a firefly-catching competition between the two of them that had them giggling like little boys as they darted around under the trees. Soon, more and more fireflies were out, and it was almost impossible to _not _catch them – they were lighting the park up all around.

"Ah! I caught two at once!" Roxas turned to the voice of the taller man. "No way! That's not fair, you're too much taller than me!" Still, he smiled as he walked over to inspect Axel's cupped hands.

"Show me, or I won't believe you." He planted his hands on his hips and shot a daring look up at the man.

Axel just smiled and slowly opened his hands.

Two fireflies were cupped inside on his palm, and they immediately began to climb up his hand to reach the highest point before taking off. Roxas and Axel watched them silently for a moment, as both moved upward together. Finally, they reached the tip of Axel's thumb, and together they lit up softly before lifting their wings and rising into the sky.

Roxas was watching them fly upward when he felt an arm lightly placed around his shoulders. His eyes shifted to Axel as his heart rate sped up a bit. He had just realized how close they were standing.

The redhead turned Roxas toward him and pulled him a little closer…until he was hugging Roxas gently. The blond boy wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know why Axel was hugging him – he wanted to ask – but it just felt so comfortable, so warm and _good_, that he didn't want to speak. Instead, his arms lifted to loosely wind around the taller man, returning the gentle pressure of the embrace.

After some minutes spent quietly like that, Axel drew back. Roxas thought for a moment that he might explain his action…but instead, the man just draped his arm over the shorter boy's shoulder again, and began to follow the dirt path back around to the entrance.

And, as awkward as his mind told him it _should_ have been, Roxas felt completely at ease, just walking silently through the park with Axel.

Upon reaching the entrance, the arm was removed from Roxas' shoulders, slightly disappointing him. However, rather than head back to the café, they both seemed to silently agree on a further stroll along the city streets, and the continued presence of the redhead made Roxas happy again. As they walked, they began to chat again conversationally. Roxas tried to remember later what they had talked about – he knew they had talked the entire time and that he had enjoyed it completely – but he couldn't remember any specifics. All he could remember was…Axel.

Finally, they turned back toward the café, where Axel's car was still parked. It seemed to Roxas that they got there all too soon, and he felt a sudden urgency to finish telling Axel his story about…something. Kindergarten maybe?

He ended up asking the man for a ride home – the first time he had ever _offered_ someone the chance to get that close to his residence. And, as Axel drove, he finished his story and enjoyed the continued conversation.

He didn't even realize they were there until the car stopped. However, he didn't move right away, since Axel wasn't quite finished telling his own story in response to Roxas'.

It was a brief moment of indecision. To invite Axel up, or to leave alone? As innocent as the evening had been – and as innocently enjoyable for Roxas – he still couldn't completely avoid the desires that had been growing increasingly insistent in his mind and body over the last two weeks. And, after all, he was already rested from the day before, and Axel was only one guy. A little fun wouldn't damage him for work tomorrow night…and he could really forget about the money. He was all too happy to do so, if it meant getting this incredibly attractive man to stay with him…_be_ with him…

And then Axel was saying something about having forgotten to pay, and he was handing Roxas another fifty. The boy absentmindedly thanked him and accepted it, trying to think of a line that would work…something that would let the man know what _else_ he could have, without disgusting him or driving him away. Roxas had noticed a pattern in Axel's reactions to brazen sluttiness – generally, they weren't good.

"So next week…" Axel was continuing, with some slight hesitation, "I was wondering…would you like to go somewhere else? Different from the café?"

The suggestion got Roxas attention. "Sure, if you like. Where did you have in mind?"

"Well," Axel scratched the back of his head, "There's this restaurant I'd like to take you to. The food is really good. And," he quickly added before Roxas could say anything, "I'd love it if you'd let me buy you dinner. Of course, not coming out of your interview fee."

Roxas considered a moment. "Well…" He wasn't too wild about Axel spending even more money on him…but then, the green eyes looked so hopeful… "OK, I guess. Where is it?"

Axel beamed. "Thanks. Well, it's actually across town, out of walking distance. Could I pick you up here and drive you over?"

Roxas considered again, but not for long. Axel already knew where he lived, after all. "Yeah, OK. Around 7 then?"

"Yeah, 7 sounds good."

"Cool. If you don't see me outside waiting when you get here, I'm on the fourth floor, apartment 13. You can come on up and get me if you need to."

Axel nodded his understanding. "I'll see you next week then."

Roxas had the door open before he remembered that he wanted to invite Axel up…but by then, the moment seemed to have passed. There was no longer a good opportunity – he had to just smile and say goodnight, and leave the car behind and return to his room alone.

Still, Roxas was far from displeased as he closed the door softly and nearly skipped to his couch. It had been such a wonderful evening, his sexual frustration didn't even register at the moment, he was so happy. Spending time with Axel was better than fantasies…and next week, his appointment sounded much less like a meeting and much more like a…date?

Roxas collapsed onto the couch and grinned into a cushion.

_I have a date. I have a date next week. With Axel. I have a date with Axel next week. I have a date, a date with Axel! _

And, as much as his mind tried to argue against the word "date," Roxas remained in a cloud of bliss until dawn.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:**

It is what it is, guys. I'll let you read, without any comments from me. If you are curious what I have to say – well, I reply to every review. ;)

* * *

At five minutes til 7, Axel pulled up in front of the dilapidated building that was Roxas' apartment. He looked around the front of the complex, but was unable to spot the blond boy who had agreed to meet him. Shrugging lightly, he emerged from his little car and approached the front door, far from bothered by having to go look for Roxas.

For one thing, he couldn't help feeling terribly curious about what Roxas' apartment looked like on the inside. For another, it was pretty much impossible to upset Axel at the moment.

It was Thursday night again at last, and he was going out to dinner with Roxas.

That alone was enough to make it impossible to bother Axel. It was also the reason that the man who was often careless about his appearance had taken great pains in deciding on his apparel this evening. He had decided against a suit – it might make the occasion seem too formal. Besides, if Roxas didn't own a suit – which was a decent probability – he didn't want the boy to feel under-dressed. Instead, he settled on plain black slacks and a black button-down shirt.

Dinner with Roxas was also to blame for the pains Axel had taken with his hair, for once. Not that it looked completely different – but washing, brushing, and styling it in the afternoon _did_ make it look much nicer than it usually did by evening.

As he reached the front door, Axel moved to examine the intercom, but was interrupted as a big, scary, suspicious-looking guy opened the front door and came out, gruffly mumbling into his cell phone. He didn't even glance at Axel, for which the redhead was grateful. Axel was also grateful for the open door – the intercom buttons were so badly labeled he wasn't sure he would have been able to find Roxas' room. So, rather than get locked out again, he merely grabbed the door and entered.

A dingy stairwell led up directly in front of him. Axel followed it up three flights of steps to the fourth floor, seeing only dark, dirty-looking hallways on either side of each landing. The fourth floor was no different – stained-carpet halls on the left and right and a stairwell that continued up.

A quick look at the room numbers – at least the ones that were distinguishable – told Axel to head left, and he followed the hallway down to Room 13. Even though he wasn't some kid picking up his first date, Axel wasn't immune to nervousness either. He had to force his knock to sound as confident and relaxed as he was trying to look.

Sounds of shuffling on the other side of the door approached, and the door was yanked open. Axel was greeted by the sight of a slightly-disheveled but beaming blond.

"Axel!" Roxas gasped out happily. "Sorry I wasn't waiting downstairs. Come inside." The redhead greeted Roxas back, and allowed himself to be bustled in. "I just need to get my shirt, hang on one second."

"Sure." Axel contentedly agreed, managing not to betray his wish that the boy would _not_ finish getting dressed. When he came in, Roxas was looking perfectly stunning already in just slacks and a beater. Axel couldn't help admiring the sight of all that skin – usually concealed under a jacket or scarf – and the wonderful vision of the thin frame, tightly hugged by the white beater.

At the same time, however, the delicious view also provided Axel with an opportunity to see some things that Roxas had been keeping hidden. His shoulders tensed at the sight of some dark marks on that pale neck, throat, and collarbone. There were even marks on Roxas' arms – a few faded bruises and half-healed scratches. He didn't get a long look before Roxas hurriedly disappeared into his room to conceal his skin more carefully with a button-down shirt similar to Axel's…but what he saw was enough to remind Axel of the existence of the clients – men who had handled Roxas, hurt him, and been closer to him than Axel had ever been.

He felt his jealousy ignite again, but forced it aside. He already knew about Roxas' job, and he knew that he was in no position to try to interfere. Not yet anyway.

In the few moments he was alone, Axel glanced around the tiny apartment. The place looked depressingly bare and prison-like. He suddenly felt a throb of pain at the thought of Roxas coming home to this cheerless place, after a night of being roughly used and violated, and going to bed, alone and exhausted, with no one to take care of him, greet him when he came back, or hold him when he was hurt…

Axel shook his head. He had to stop thinking like this. He would do what he could for Roxas when he got the chance…until then, he could not forcibly interfere in the boy's life. No matter how he felt about him.

Roxas emerged smiling from the other room, dressed in a dark blue shirt that Axel felt looked utterly beautiful on him. It made his hair look even more golden and his eyes stood out even more brightly than usual. He had to struggle against a sudden desire to attack the boy, crushing him against his body and kissing him passionately.

Axel was unaware that Roxas had been battling similar feelings since the attractive redhead had arrived in his apartment. The black fabric of his outfit made Axel's pale skin so noticeable, and his hair made such a sharp contrast. The loose shirt ghosted tantalizingly over his tall, thin frame…Roxas dearly wanted to just forget dinner and spend the whole night getting closer…to Axel.

The fact that Axel was here, in Roxas' living space, where no one else came, was also making the blond feel flustered. It wasn't that he felt _uncomfortable_ exactly – but he felt somewhat exposed and vulnerable. Normally, of course, such a feeling would be unwelcome…but when it was Axel he felt exposed to…well, Roxas didn't dislike it at all. In fact, his heart was pounding a little harder than usual from excitement – he was surprised to find that he enjoyed this vulnerable position when it was with Axel.

"Sorry about the wait, Axel." Roxas grinned again, apologetically.

"Oh, not a problem." Axel wondered for a moment if he should say anything about the apartment, it being his first time seeing Roxas' place. He wondered if it would be awkward, considering Roxas' past reluctance to let Axel see where he lived. Then again, Roxas didn't seem too embarrassed or uncomfortable at the moment – seeing Axel was putting him into a similar, non-upsettable mood – so the older man decided to venture a comment.

"So…nice place." Immediately, Axel inwardly kicked himself for such a lame comment.

Roxas raised an eyebrow at him in a good-natured smirk. "This? You're kidding right? This place is a dump."

Axel felt his cheeks redden a bit. "Well…" He stopped, unsure what he could say. In his hesitation, his eyes met Roxas. The blond was watching him, suppressing a grin. When their eyes met, they both broke down laughing. Whatever tension Axel had begun to feel vanished as he and Roxas laughed.

Still smiling, Roxas moved to Axel's side, picking up his key from the kitchenette counter. He turned to point around the room. "That door is the bathroom and that one is the bedroom, and the rest of it is what you see here." He smiled up at Axel again from his place beside the man. "That was the quick tour. The grand tour takes all of five seconds longer." Axel began chuckling again at Roxas' playful grin.

After another moment, however, Axel felt his laughter calming quickly and dying away – he had just realized how close Roxas was standing. The shorter boy's laughter also faded, becoming a quiet smile…a smile that was belied by the excitement sparkling in his beautiful blue eyes.

Axel couldn't look away. Their eyes were locked. He was so close…he could smell Roxas' clean scent, he could hear the boy breathing – even over the sudden pounding of his heart. Axel felt his hands reaching forward, longing to touch, just to _touch_…neither of them were smiling anymore. And Roxas was drifting closer…his expression was so alluring…

A loud shrieking noise made both young men jump slightly and pull back. Axel's heart was thudding and he was nearly panting, the sudden interruption had startled him so much. Roxas turned away sheepishly and reached for the horribly old and loud phone as it rang again.

"Yes?" The blond's voice was a mixture of exasperation and relief, but Axel didn't notice. He was too busy trying to calm down after being so close…so close to Roxas…

"Speaking." The boy on the phone shot Axel an apologetic look, mouthing "Sorry" silently as he listened to the phone. Axel shook his head to indicate it was fine, and waited.

Suddenly, Roxas' expression froze. He stiffened – there was no longer any relaxation in his posture. He listened intently for a moment, then spoke sharply into the phone.

"Why? What happened?" A slight pause. Axel's face showed his concern as he watched Roxas intently listening to the voice on the other end. "What do you mean? What's wrong with…what? Oh God…" Roxas' hands clutched the phone so tightly his knuckles were white. A high, desperate tone had suddenly slipped into his voice. Axel had never heard such a tone from Roxas before, but he instinctively recognized the panic in it. He was frozen, as intent on the boy as Roxas was on the voice coming through the phone. "Yes. I'm on my way." The phone was slammed into its cradle.

Axel immediately wanted to ask what was the matter, but Roxas had already turned to him, his face a mask of suppressed panic, his voice trembling, close to cracking. "Axel." He gripped the taller man's arms, causing Axel to pause, his attention completely caught by the urgency in Roxas' voice. "I can't go to dinner, I'm sorry, I need to go to the hospital right away."

Before Axel could reply, Roxas was turning away, grabbing his wallet and key again and rushing for the door. In an instant, Axel responded. He was right behind Roxas as they hurried out the door.

"I'll drive you. Which hospital is it?"

Roxas glanced at him and nodded. "Central Twilight Hospital."

Axel nodded, and neither of them spoke again as they dashed down the stairs and out to Axel's car.

Axel could sense Roxas' urgency, and the underlying frenzy that he was barely keeping at bay as the car peeled away from the curb and did a U-turn in the middle of the street. He had no idea what was wrong – who was in the hospital anyway? Had someone gotten hurt? His stomach was clenched with fear for the blond boy as he sped across town toward Central Twilight Hospital.

He had reacted without hesitation and without question to Roxas' sudden need…but as they drove, Axel was quickly becoming desperate to know what was going on. Roxas sat in complete silence, his mind apparently far away, his body so tense it looked as though he would physically break from the strain.

_Oh God he looks awful. What is going on?_

"Roxas…" Axel began tensely, afraid to upset the boy any further, "What's going on? What happened?"

There was a silent pause. Axel feared that Roxas wouldn't answer. He glanced over briefly – Roxas' eyes were fixed ahead, unseeing, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap automatically. He opened his mouth…but no sound came out for a moment. After a few more tries, Axel heard a hoarse voice whisper, "Naminé…"

_Naminé? Why is that familiar?_ Axel thought a moment before he remembered. _Roxas mentioned a Naminé…his sister? A little sister, was it?_ "Is Naminé you sister, Roxas? What happened to her?"

The distraught boy struggled to reply, his gaze still fixed dead ahead. "She's sick… multiple endocrine…something…pheochromocytoma…they said come now…come right away…" The rough voice choked and trailed off. Axel glanced at Roxas again. Dry, unblinking eyes had not wavered. He didn't know what the words had meant, but he understood "come right away."

Especially when a hospital called to say it. Demyx had gotten the same call. Right before his mother died.

Still unsure of the details, Axel knew enough to begin to feel his own panic rising. _Oh, God…gods…anybody…Don't let this happen to him. Not to him. How could you hurt one person so much? Please, please, leave him alone…_

And Axel turned his concentration to driving…fast.

-o-o-O-o-o-

"Where's Naminé? Where is she?" Roxas' strangled voice demanded at the nurses' station as he skidded to a halt, Axel only a step behind him.

The nurses seemed to know already who Roxas was talking about. One of them stepped forward quickly. "Roxas. I'm afraid she's been rushed to the O.R. already." Medical words of explanation began to fill Axel's ears, but he didn't understand much. He could tell from Roxas' blank expression that it wasn't meaning anything to him either. The blond interrupted the nurse's explanation. "_Where?_"

Her face was sympathetic, but forbidding. "You can't see her. I'll show you where you can wait." She began to lead them down a hall.

Axel noticed immediately that Roxas' steps had become unsteady, and he reached around the boy's shoulders to support him and guide him toward the chairs that the nurse showed them to, outside the door to the operating room. There was no resistance from the smaller frame…but Axel could feel the thin body shaking.

Over the next hour or more, Axel sat beside a boy who appeared to have turned to stone. He was able to coax a little more explanation from the blond at the beginning – the simple fact that Naminé, Roxas' little sister, had a rare form of childhood cancer and had been in the hospital for some time – but after a few words, the blond fell silent.

A part of Axel so desperately wanted to help, to make everything better, to wake the boy from this deadpan trance of agony. He wanted it all to be fixed, for the silence to end, and for Roxas to _breathe_ again. However, he knew that there was nothing he could do to make that happen. He was mature enough to know that he would only upset the boy more by trying to cheer him up in the middle of a crisis – a crisis that probably went far too deep for Axel to try to soothe.

Instead, he sat with Roxas silently. His mind tortured him with worries, but he forced them to be silent. He sat beside Roxas, not speaking, not trying to touch him – just being there with him, waiting. Waiting for the doors to open.

It was past an hour later when they finally did.

Roxas was on his feet instantly. Axel followed, and the boy stopped dead only when he was face to face with a man who was removing a face mask – the surgeon, apparently. Axel saw the man's expression first, as he began to address Roxas: "You must be Roxas. I'm Dr. Hojo…"

His eyes. Axel was dimly aware of Roxas' voice croaking out one word – "Naminé?" But he couldn't turn to look at the blond…he couldn't tear his gaze from the doctor's eyes.

_No…_

-o-o-O-o-o-

_Naminé, Naminé, Naminé…Where is she what happened where is my __**sister?**_

The voice was echoing loudly, repeating and repeating and repeating, as it had been doing since Roxas hung up the phone in his apartment. There was nothing else, only hollow fear, like a giant, dark, empty shell in his mind – echoing and echoing with the voice that screamed his sister's name.

_Naminé…what happened? Where is she? Where is Naminé?_

Then the door opened. There was a tall white coat in front of him.

_Where is Naminé… Naminé… Naminé?_

A voice from somewhere was speaking, and he heard his name.

_You must be Roxas. I'm Dr. Hojo…_

For a moment, the voice became clearer. The screaming in his head even silenced, breathlessly waiting for the words that the deep voice was slowly speaking.

_Naminé went into cardiac arrest…_The sounds blurred again…_We tried to revive her…I'm sorry…did everything we could…_

What…did he mean…?

_I'm sorry son. We were unable to save her._

In the silence in his mind, a frail voice whispered. _What? Naminé…?_ Then, blackness swallowed his vision, and Roxas crumpled, unconscious.

-o-o-O-o-o-

When Axel pulled up in front of the crummy apartment building again, a glance at Roxas showed that the boy had regained consciousness. When he had opened his eyes, Axel didn't know, because he hadn't so much as shifted when he woke up. He was still lying huddled on the seat, where Axel had placed him, only his eyes were now open. The blue orbs were fixed – blank and unseeing.

Roxas had fainted in the hospital. In spite of his shock and horror at hearing his fears confirmed in the doctor's words, Axel was aware enough to catch the boy before he hit the floor. There had been confusion…the nurse – Aerith, was it? – had offered to find a bed for Roxas until he woke up. She had seemed very sorry for him. Axel had answered that it was OK, he would just take Roxas home…maybe he would do better waking up somewhere familiar. The nurses allowed him to go, helping kindly. They all seemed to know Roxas, and like him very much.

Before he shut the car door, Nurse Aerith spoke to him.

"Take care of him. He's such a good boy. He's been coming here at least once a week to visit his sister for two years now. I think they were all each other had. I've never seen any other family. I'm glad he has a friend to take care of him."

Axel promised to care for Roxas, and left the hospital. He wasn't sure that the dingy apartment was the best place for Roxas, but it would be familiar. Maybe the boy would be calmer in a familiar place…Axel hoped so. So much.

When he saw Roxas was awake, he was tempted to speak to the boy. However, the silence of the frozen blond deterred him. Instead, he got out of the car and went around to the passenger side to help Roxas out.

When he opened the door, the pale boy automatically turned and stepped out. He did waver unsteadily however, and Axel immediately supported him. He walked Roxas slowly to the building. The blond withdrew his key at the door, but couldn't get it into the lock. Axel moved his yielding hand away and opened the door, guiding them both through it and up the stairs.

It was worse than the silent wait, this silent walk upstairs. Roxas had not spoken since fainting. He had not cried. To Axel, it looked very much like he was in shock. The older man was the most worried at this. Crying, as horrible as it would be, was something he might be able to comfort. If nothing else, he could hold the boy until his grief exhausted him.

He couldn't help shock. He didn't know what to do.

They reached Roxas' door, where Axel let them in again. In the living room at last, he turned to put Roxas' key down and find the light switch. Roxas stood silently in the entryway. When Axel turned back to look at him, the boy had just begun to move.

He was staring now at a jacket that hung on the wall by the door. His hand came up slowly to touch the soft material, brushing up the sleeve and resting in the fluffy fur collar. Axel looked at the coat, and recognized it as the one he had seen Roxas wearing at Marluxia's…when he was working.

"Filthy…"

The voice was a whisper. Almost the first sound Roxas had made in hours. It sunk painfully into Axel, starting an overpowering wave of sympathetic grief in his heart.

"Roxas…"

"Filthy. So…dirty. I am…filthy." The whisper began to rise, as a troubled expression broke over the blank face. Roxas turned his gaze to his hands, arms, and body, and began clutching and rubbing himself slowly, then faster and faster as the words began to spill out.

"I'm filthy. I'm disgusting. Dirty…all over…inside…filthy…I am _filthy_. I'm _dirty_, so _dirty_, _dirty, dirty, disgusting, vile, worthless horrible filthy dirty __**thing!**_"

"No!" Axel cried, feeling tears in his eyes. He reached forward to stop the frantic motion of the boy's hands, and quickly closed his arms around the trembling figure. Roxas clutched against his chest, his voice shaking badly.

"Disgusting…so dirty…so…nngh…_Naminé!"_ On the last word, his voice finally broke in a cry of pure misery, and Roxas clutched Axel's shirt as the tears poured from his eyes. "Naminé…Naminé…_Naminé!_"

Sobs racked Roxas' body as Axel held him tightly. The name was choked out again and again. Soon, Roxas' knees buckled, and Axel was forced to lift him and carry him over to the rickety couch, where he sat with the sobbing boy cradled in his arms.

Axel had never hurt this much in his life. He had never had such a deep loss himself. No heartbreak could compare to this sorrow. Even Demyx's loss hadn't struck this deeply into Axel. He had hurt for his friend, true, but he hadn't cried.

Now, holding Roxas, he felt his own tears overflow. They ran down his face in burning tracks of agony. Roxas was hurting. Roxas was brokenhearted. Roxas…the one he loved, the one he wanted to protect, to see smile, always smile – yet now he was suffering, and Axel was powerless to stop it.

He didn't know how long he cried quietly while holding the sobbing boy. Slowly, he sensed Roxas becoming limp, the energy drained out of him by the tears. He was still murmuring through his sobs, "Naminé…Nami…nooo…I'm so dirty, Nami…so dirty…"

"No you're not." Axel swallowed thickly. He turned the tearstained face toward his own. Darkened blue eyes looked at him, but didn't seem to see him. "You're not, you're not."

As he spoke, he leaned forward. He hovered a moment, his lips close to Roxas'. "You're not dirty Roxas. Not anymore." With that, he pressed his mouth gently against the trembling lips, lovingly caressing, trying to erase the pain. The kiss tasted of salty tears as Axel pressed closer, desperate to soothe the torture Roxas felt.

After a moment, he felt hands on his face, and Roxas was kissing back, moving together with Axel, kissing him longingly, sorrowfully, through his still-falling tears.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:**

This may not be a very cheerful, but I held off posting it so that I'd be able to follow it quickly with the next one. So for once, expect an update _soon_.

And thanks to all my new, first-time reviewers! I've had quite a lot lately, especially on the last chapter. Thanks y'all! XD

* * *

Axel was quietly loading the dishwasher in his apartment. He rinsed an untouched bowl of soup down the drain, not feeling quite motivated enough to care about wasting it. He quietly started the machine, hoping that the noise wouldn't wake the boy sleeping in the next room.

He had brought Roxas home with him last night. Even after the first attack of tears had spent itself, the boy seemed far too distraught to be left alone, and Axel could see that things in his surroundings were triggering memories that made his emotional state worse. So Axel led the uncaring boy back down to his car, and drove him to the only other place he could offer – his own apartment. He had made up his own bed for Roxas to sleep in, but the boy had not slept for a long time. He tried making some soup, but Roxas didn't touch it. For most of the night, Axel stayed by the bed, holding Roxas when he cried, stroking his hand gently when the tears subsided, and dozing occasionally, with his head falling onto the blanket next to the boy.

Near dawn, Roxas had finally drifted off into a light sleep. Axel had gotten up to clean up the dishes and make his apartment more suitable for company. Finally, as the sun began to rise, Axel called Demyx.

His best friend's voice was groggy and annoyed. "Axel. What the _fuck, _man?"

The redhead was too tired to even take pleasure in the poetic justice of waking his friend at an ungodly hour. "Demyx. I need a favor. I need you to come over and hang out here for about an hour."

A sigh. "Axel , what in hell are you talking about?"

"Listen Dem," Axel tried to explain, "I don't have much time. Last night, Roxas was called to the hospital suddenly. Apparently he had a little sister there…and last night, she died."

"What?" Demyx suddenly sounded more awake.

"Yeah. I spent the whole night with him after that. He's here now, and he's finally asleep. I need you to come over quick and hang out here for about an hour. I don't want him to be alone in a strange apartment if he wakes up."

"Where are _you_ going? And what's the rush?"

"Well…my guess is that he won't be up for work tonight. So I wanted to run over to that bar and explain to his boss, before he leaves for the day. I figured he might still be there."

"OK, OK, I understand. Say no more, you can tell me the rest later. I'll be there in five."

"Thanks Dem."

Five minutes later, Axel walked out the door as Demyx arrived. He greeted his friend with, "Thanks again. I'll be back in a bit. Call me if he wakes up."

Demyx nodded, and Axel was gone.

By the time he reached Marluxia's, the sunrise was almost done. He parked on the street and hurried inside. The place was virtually empty – just one janitor wiping tables. Axel hesitated, but the man had already looked up.

"Is…uhm…is the boss here?"

The old fellow grunted and furrowed his brow, but didn't ask. He didn't give a damn what the man wanted. Instead, he just shuffled back behind the counter to the door to the backroom.

"Marly! Guest!"

An awkward minute later, the pink-haired man emerged. He was dressed quite differently – jeans and a T-shirt, a leather jacket, hair tied back, and no makeup – and Axel almost didn't recognize him. The man frowned at Axel.

"You again? What now? I'm on my way out."

Axel swallowed, unsure what to say. "Sorry to trouble you…but I thought I should come by and let you know…" He paused. Marluxia merely waited. "Well, I guess I'll just say it. Roxas' sister died last night…and he's a mess. I don't think he will be able to…work…tonight."

The unfriendly face had quickly softened into a look of concern. "Oh my God, what happened?" Axel briefly told the story, Marluxia listening calmly.

"I see." He finally said when Axel was done. "I appreciate you letting me know early. He has appointments tonight that I'll have to reschedule. You have given me the time to do so. Thank you for that."

Axel nodded. Unsure what else to do, he paused before turning to go.

"Tell Roxie I'm very sorry. Tell him he can have the weekend off, if he really needs it. However, if he can handle coming in tomorrow, please have him call me and let me know as soon as he can. He knows my cell number."

Axel was shocked at the idea of Roxas going back to work the very next day, but he thought twice about saying anything. The boss was merely trying to run a business, after all. He nodded.

"I'll tell him."

Axel took his leave from the bar and hurried home. He found Demyx reading quietly on the couch. Before he could ask, the sandy-blond spoke.

"He hasn't woken up. He's still asleep."

Axel sighed with relief. "Thanks for coming over, Dem."

"Sure." Demyx got up and approached the tired redhead. "So what happened?"

Axel briefly explained the night's events for the second time. Demyx's face crinkled sadly with concern. As Axel finished, he had a few questions.

"You have work today?"

"Yeah. I should really be in the office in an hour, and I have some field events to cover this afternoon."

"Call in sick."

Axel was reluctant. "Dem…"

The other man stopped him. "Axel. You've been up all night. You can afford to take a Friday off. Besides, Roxas will probably wake up during the day…" Demyx knew what buttons to press to make Axel relent. The redhead sighed and agreed.

"All right. I'll call them and then…crash here on the couch I guess."

"OK." Demyx agreed. "I'll take off then, but I'll swing by again this afternoon. Want me to pick anything up for you?"

"Yeah, if you could. I need a few things." Axel quickly wrote up a grocery list for Demyx and gave him some cash.

"See you this afternoon. And Axel…" Demyx paused at the door. "Take care of _yourself_ too, OK?"

Axel nodded. "Will do." The door shut behind Demyx.

Axel called his office quickly and was granted a sick day. Relieved, but so exhausted that his vision was beginning to blur, he shuffled quietly into his room to grab a spare blanket from his closet and check on Roxas.

The blond was still sleeping on Axel's bed, looking almost peaceful. How Axel wished he could stay that way, rather than wake up to face the grief and loss again. He knelt beside the bed, gently reaching out to the boy. His fingers lightly brushed over the soft golden hair, then traced gently down a smooth cheek. A stab of pain and sorrow shot through Axel as he looked at the sleeping boy. Gently, he bent over the precious face.

"I love you." His voice was barely a whisper in Roxas' ear. "I know it hurts…but please believe me. You can always come to me, because I love you. I love you, and I'll take care of you, Roxas." With that he gently placed a kiss on the sleeping boy's forehead.

Rising, Axel turned and left the room. Finally unable to battle the exhaustion anymore, he flopped down on the couch, pulled the blanket over himself, and almost immediately fell asleep.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas opened his eyes, blinking in the sunlight, and the first thing he saw was a pillow that he didn't recognize.

_Pillow…pillow…weird word._

His bleary eyes slowly changed focus, glancing around the room. Nothing was familiar. He blinked, bewildered, and began to search his memory for a hint to explain his surroundings.

Three seconds later, he felt his soul shatter.

_Naminé…_

That was it. The world was empty. Naminé was gone, and there was nothing left now but his own reeking putrescence.

He was hollow inside, without his sister. He had no thoughts to think or hopes to feel, no plans to care about. And he was dirty. It was the only thing he was aware of – the emptiness and the dirt.

His sister had been his angel. In her love and acceptance he had washed himself clean for years. She had always been there to make him forget the pain of being violated, defiled.

She was gone.

_Shower…_

Roxas clawed himself free of blankets, struggling to stand on weak, sluggish limbs. As he made his way from the room, he vaguely began to realize where he was. No, he had never seen this place before, and no, his memories of arriving here last night weren't clear enough to explain things to him – yet somehow, he knew. He could tell by the smell. It was Axel's smell…and this was Axel's place.

He paused in the doorway to the living room, noticing the redhead on the couch, fast asleep. His steps falteringly took him to the couch, where he crouched down. After a moment of staring blankly at the sleeping face – searching for a feeling, finding nothing – he spoke quietly.

"Axel."

What normally would never have woken the man made him jump awake instantly. He blinked a few times, before his eyes widened, seeing Roxas.

"Nnnh? Roxas? You're awake?" Axel was about to ask Roxas how he was doing, if he needed anything, but the boy interrupted.

"Shower."

A pause as Axel looked at him, thinking. Roxas didn't even register the reaction, the other man. Nothing from outside seemed to be filtering in. There was only the voice in his head, and at the moment it was demanding a shower. _Clean, make me clean, hurry I need to be __**clean**__._

"Sure, Roxas, I'll show you where it is."

His feet carried him automatically behind the redhead until they reached the bathroom. Axel pulled a towel out of a cabinet for Roxas, but the boy didn't notice. His eyes on the shower, he began stripping off his clothes – the same ones he'd been wearing since yesterday evening – without a thought apart from _clean clean clean clean._

Axel retreated hastily when he saw what Roxas was doing. His footsteps disappeared down the hall, unnoticed by the boy, and Roxas turned the water on. It was scalding hot within a minute, but he didn't feel it. He found a bar of soap and began to scrub himself compulsively, desperately. He was soaked and soapy, but he couldn't feel any of it. The water didn't seem to touch him…he still felt _dirty dirty dirty._ He scrubbed and scrubbed, and he didn't even notice when the bar of soap disappeared. The water began to wash the suds away, but Roxas was still scrubbing. Finally, the voice stopped chanting _clean I'm filthy make me clean_…and whispered instead – _Naminé._

Tears overflowed from unseeing blue eyes again, mingling with the water running down Roxas' face and body. His arms fell limp at his sides as he stood in the shower, no longer trying to be clean. The emptiness filled his mind and the pain filled his entire being as the tears fell silently and the water beating down slowly turned cold.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel had returned to the couch and sat down again after showing Roxas to the shower. He checked the time – shortly before noon. He tried to think about what to do next – what should he do with Roxas now? He didn't feel like it would be a good idea to take the boy home. That apartment was depressing, unsafe, and most of all, a place apparently filled with little things that would remind Roxas of his life, his job, his sister…all the memories that would hurt the most. It was best not to take him back there for now.

Of course, then there was Roxas' job. Axel had no intention of letting the boy go back to work this weekend, boss be damned, even if he _had_ meant well. He had been there last night – he had seen the emotional mess that had overcome the poor kid. And he guessed, from what Roxas had said, that returning to prostitution would only prove destructive for him right now.

His mind wandered from these worries to the boy himself – the face he had woken up to had been so blank, the eyes…empty. Like glass eyes in a porcelain doll. And Axel had no idea what he should do to bring the life back into those eyes.

_How can I help him, how can I make him smile again? How can someone like me – someone who is practically a stranger to him – help him heal from something like this? I'm not a magician or a hero…I'm just a regular guy!_

With such worries filling his mind and his head cradled in his hands, Axel drifted back into a doze.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel's head jerked up as he woke suddenly from a half-dream. _Oh God-fucking-damnit, why am I still __**thinking**__ like that, when things are this __**bad?**_

The dream hadn't gotten far, but it was clearly shaping up to be yet another wet one. Starring a certain blond.

Axel shook his head to wake himself up and dispel any and all lingering images. Fortunately, he didn't have anything _else_ to dispel this time. He glanced over at the clock. _After 1. Demyx will be along in a few hours._

Then, Axel paused. What was wrong? Something was strange…not right. It took him a moment of sleepily scraping, trying to fit all the pieces together.

It hit him in one smooth blow. After 1 o'clock. Over an hour later. And he could still hear the shower running.

Axel rose quickly and moved to the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar – Roxas hadn't bothered to close and lock it. He rapped gently.

"Roxas? You're not done yet? I'm coming in."

Entering, he could see the silhouette of the boy behind the shower curtain, standing stock-still. The water was still pouring out, and now Axel moved quickly. He knew how long that damn shower was good for…he couldn't remember a time when the water had stayed warm longer than 20 minutes.

Grabbing up the untouched towel, he moved the curtain aside, holding it in front of the boy while he turned off the flow of ice-cold water.

"Jesus, Roxas, are you trying to give yourself pneumonia?"

There was no sound from the boy. Axel opened the towel and held it up, wrapping the small figure in it and covering the wet, shivering body.

Keeping the trembling figure covered, Axel guided Roxas out of the shower. He grabbed another towel and began to rub it briskly through blond hair. Roxas remained silent, and Axel kept his thoughts to himself. He could see that the boy was in no frame of mind for talking.

When Roxas' hair was mostly dry, Axel led him to the bedroom again. Digging through his drawers, he found some old sweats and clean undergarments.

"These are Demyx's." He explained. "He usually keeps some clean clothes over here, in case he spends the night. I thought his stuff might fit you a little better." He turned to leave Roxas in privacy. "Put that stuff on, I'll be back in a few minutes." He glanced back to see that Roxas was moved automatically, obediently, toward the clothes.

When Axel returned, Roxas was sitting silently on the bed, dressed in Demyx's sweats. He wasn't shivering anymore, but Axel dug out some slippers for him, just in case. He led the boy out to the couch, where he wrapped him in the blanket he had left there. He then knelt in front of Roxas, trying to force eye contact.

"Roxas." The blond glanced at him, seeming to half-focus. "I'm going to make soup. I want you to eat it, OK?" There was a long pause. Roxas didn't speak, but his eyes remained on Axel's, mostly focused now. The man sighed. "Do you like tomato?"

A long moment later, Roxas finally nodded. Axel felt relief wash over him at the slight response. "OK. Tomato it is."

Axel quickly made tomato soup, pouring it into a mug when he was done, and bringing it into the living room. He gently placed the mug in Roxas' hands, waiting for the chilled fingers to wrap around it before letting go. He moved to sit beside the boy.

"Drink up."

Roxas automatically moved the mug to his lips and began sipping the soup. Axel relaxed. At least Roxas was eating.

When Roxas was finished, Axel took the empty mug and placed it on the coffee table, then adjusted the blanket around the boy to make sure he was warm. He hoped that Roxas wouldn't get sick after nearly freezing himself in the shower.

He glanced at the clock. _Nearly 2_. Before he could begin to think of what to do until Demyx came, a tiny whisper interrupted his thoughts.

"Thank you, Axel."

Wide green eyes turned to Roxas, who had been silent for so long. Axel paused.

"You're welcome."

Roxas' blue gaze turned to look at Axel, focusing on him for the first time in hours. "You don't have to be shocked." He quietly continued. "I'm not so fucked up that I can't tell who's been helping me since…last night."

"OK." Axel forced calm into his voice to match Roxas'. "Sorry."

Roxas gently shook his head. "_I'm_ sorry. For imposing and all. I should really get out of your way…"

Axel was quick to interrupt. "No, no, it's not a problem. Look." He ran a hand through his tangled hair. "I want you to stay here for a bit, OK? At least the weekend. And I already talked to your boss…" Roxas' head picked up a little, hearing this, "and explained the situation. He said you can have the weekend off. He'll take care of it. So just…stay here and rest, OK? Please?"

Roxas hesitated. "You told Mama about…it?"

"Yeah…sorry if you didn't want me to…"

"No, that's OK. He…said not to come in?"

"Yeah, he said he'd reschedule your…reservations."

Roxas paused again. His voice remained quiet when he continued. "And…you're sure?" Axel didn't need to ask what he meant.

"Yes. Please stay."

Roxas sighed heavily, his head drooping tiredly back against the couch. His eyes slipped shut, and Axel could see that the boy was close to falling asleep again.

"Thank you."

Axel nodded, hearing the gentle whisper, and rose to let Roxas doze off in peace.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:**

As promised, here it is already! (I'm actually amazed at myself for keeping that promise.) In order to make this happen, I had to put this chapter as a higher priority than review replies.

I also finally decided that I can't keep doing this "reply to every review" thing. It's killing me, time-wise. So, from now on, I'll reply if I have something to say in response. Otherwise – I'm glad you are enjoying the story and thanks so much for telling me so!

In the process of editing and organizing this chapter, I realized that the raw material I had written was way too long, so I cut it off again, and that means that I already have Chapter 13 started! I can't make any promises about updating this time though – we'll see what I can get done. Please don't anyone rush me though, my life is terribly busy right now. I'm doing the best I can.

Much love y'all, and I hope you like it! XD

* * *

When Roxas opened his eyes, he was no longer on the couch. A glance up told him that he was back in bed, where he vaguely remembered being carried. His bleary eyes located the window. Dark. Twisting slightly, he turned his eyes to search the room for a clock. 8:45. No wonder he woke up, then.

_8:45 on a Friday night. I should be getting fucked right now._

Roxas' mind slid over the thought with disinterest. His routine didn't matter. He didn't care about his job – either doing it or skipping it. There wasn't any point now.

Roxas half-raised himself on the bed and looked more carefully around for the first time. The last few times he had been awake in here, he hadn't paid the slightest attention to his surroundings. As Roxas looked around, he was faced with a perfectly standard adult man's bedroom – Axel's room. One corner seemed to be dedicated to work – with a desk and computer, it formed a mini home office. There was a small closet and dresser, and laundry in the corner. The carpet looked old, but fairly clean, at least the parts that showed. It seemed that Axel wasn't a slob. There were a few pictures in frames too, but Roxas blandly turned his eyes away from them, deciding to look at them later…if he felt like caring.

He felt…hollow? _No, not hollow. Not at all_. He felt full, so full – stuffed to the brim with filth and pain and decay. He felt like all the agonies in the world had come crowding into him the moment he could feel again, leaving a huge void suspended around him. An endless stretch of nothing, cold and silent and dead, with him hanging in the middle – an island of misery, an island alone.

Roxas raised a hand to his suddenly throbbing headache. As his hand passed in front of his eyes, he noticed that it was shaking convulsively, almost violently. Much like the rest of his body. It hurt. His whole frame hurt, and he felt a slight rise and fall in his stomach – the intermittent urge to throw up.

He needed to stop the feeling. He needed…to stop thinking.

Roxas searched his mind desperately for an idea, a way that he could wipe his thoughts blank and not have to remember, not have to _feel_.

If he could only disappear into sleep.

Roxas slid from the bed, carefully disentangling himself from the warm blankets. He slipped to the door, quietly listening before peering out. He just didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment.

Seeing no one, he crept out. He could hear voices down the short hallway, over in the main room. He recognized Axel's voice, as well as another man's. He turned away, heading for the bathroom instead.

As Roxas turned to leave after using the restroom, an idea occurred to him. Opening the cabinets and drawers, he began to search through the miscellaneous personal care items, until he found a drawer full of medicine. Digging through the pills, he finally found a bottle of sleep aides. He popped it open and carelessly tipped two into his hand.

Before swallowing them, however, Roxas paused. He stared at the little white pills, then turned his blank gaze to the bottle. A full bottle.

_It would be so easy…I could swallow that in seconds. _His eyes shifted to the open drawer. He imagined a rainbow of mixed drugs, rolling around in his hand for a moment, before he consumed them.

_And then I would be clean. And with Nami. And everything would feel better, and no one would ever dirty me again. We would be…free._

He stood, dreamily imagining the idea of being with his sister, far away from pain, far from sickness…just together. It didn't even matter where they were or what it was like, as long as they were together. He could see his sister's face smiling at him…and his body was wracked with sudden pain, his stomach tightening, trying to vomit, and his eyes losing all sight as yet more tears blinded him.

After a few moments, Roxas forced himself to breathe. He calmed himself with an icy will – his last resort whenever he needed to stop himself from panicking. The skill had been very helpful when he had started out in his job, and he certainly hadn't forgotten it. He clamped down, mentally and emotionally, and waited for the pain to fade to a dull throb.

His attention was pulled in another direction as he paused, breathing carefully. He could hear Axel's voice again, suddenly raised. Apparently, the man was arguing with his guest. Roxas listened, but he didn't understand what the few words meant. He heard only, "Of course it's killing me, but I can't leave him alone!" Then the voice dropped down from a yell, and Roxas could no longer hear the words. He could catch the tone, though – it was a hurting, desperate voice.

Roxas wondered what Axel was upset about. What could a grown man – with a normal job and a normal life – be facing, that would make him sound so pained?

_Axel…_

Quietly, Roxas replaced the bottle in the drawer and shut it. He took the two pills with a drink of water, and slipped back to the bedroom.

As he waited for the drugs to grant him the oblivion of sleep, Roxas stared out the window at the familiar dark…and tried to focus his mind on something other than the pain.

_I almost did it that time. Makes sense though. The reason I never did it before…is gone now. Now would be a good time… I wonder what's wrong with Axel? _

He paused, drifting off, lingering on that one thought.

_Axel._

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas hung on to sleep as long as he could, but the drugs eventually wore off. He woke shortly after 4 am, sweating and trembling, haunted by the feeling that he had had a nightmare, but with no memory of the dream.

"Shit." Roxas mumbled, as soon as he realized he was awake. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced his body to relax, trying his best to recapture unconsciousness. However, after sleeping for almost a day and night, there was no more chance of drifting off. He was wide awake…and would have to find another way to numb his senses and dull the empty pain.

He crept quietly from the room again. A glance in the main room showed that Axel was there, asleep on the couch again. Roxas felt a sudden impulse to cross the room to the man. He wasn't sure why – he had no reason to disturb Axel's sleep – but he suddenly felt a need to be near him.

His bare feet were silent on the carpet. Soon, he stood by the couch, gazing down at Axel in the dark silence of pre-dawn.

Roxas slowly knelt beside the couch, near Axel's sleeping face. For a long moment, he studied those beautiful features, trying to memorize them. His fine eyelashes, the curve of a lip, the tattoos under his eyes, the shape of his ear – every fine, overlooked detail – Roxas tried to burn them into his mind.

This face…was the most precious one in the world, now.

Roxas felt a slight swell of affection, but the feeling was almost completely lost in the hollow pain that flooded him, as he was reminded once again of his sister's death.

Roxas had cried so much, his body barely responded to the tears that poured from his eyes. They just fell, unnoticed by the blond and unaccompanied by tremors or sobs. They trickled rapidly down his cheeks, until he lay his head against a couch cushion, shifting so that he sat on the floor more comfortably.

Leaning against the couch, Roxas carelessly let the tears fall, his empty eyes fixed on a vague spot on the cushion, his body limp. He didn't move again for hours.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel could feel a beam of warm sunlight across his face. After pausing to allow himself time to mentally prepare for the ordeal of waking up, he cautiously opened one bleary eye. He was blinded for his efforts, the golden sun making everything invisible, and forcing his eyes shut with sharp stabs of pain. He groaned quietly.

"You're awake?" A soft, expressionless voice murmured from somewhere very near.

Axel's eyes opened again right away. He was startled to see the blond's face almost right in front of his.

"Yeah…yeah Roxas, I'm up." His efforts to sound awake and energetic went unnoticed – which was fine because he had failed badly anyway. "You need anything?"

"Phone?"

Axel's brow automatically furrowed in confusion, but he replied normally enough. "Yeah, I have a phone. Hang on."

Hurriedly drawing himself up, Axel moved to the coffee table and began to dig through a stack of papers, mail, and miscellaneous junk. At the bottom, he found the phone.

"Been a while." He smiled, apologetically. "I always use my cell I guess."

"Thanks."

"Yeah." Axel moved to collect the blanket from the couch – and reassemble the cushions in their proper places – while Roxas dialed, still expressionless.

Unable to help feeling curious, Axel covertly paid attention to the boy as he put the couch back together and cleaned up.

"It's me." A long silence. "Yes." The boy didn't even seem to be listening, and whoever was on the other end seemed to be content to talk endlessly regardless. Suddenly, Roxas' voice cut in, "I have something to tell you." And then, a moment later, his voice took on a tense edge. "Naminé died."

Axel could tell that the voice on the other end had grown silent for a moment, then replied briefly – he could just barely hear the sounds from the other end.

"Naminé, Mom. You're daughter. She's dead."

More silence. Axel felt like his stomach had turned to stone, and a cold chill crept over him.

"Yes you do. Or you did. Not anymore. She died two days ago. Oh and Mom," Roxas' voice became quiet and slightly bitter, "You won't hear from me again. Get a job and support yourself. Goodbye."

_Beep_. Roxas set the phone down. Axel slowly sat on the couch. Blue eyes turned to look at him emptily.

"That was your mom?"

"Yes."

Axel couldn't help feeling slightly shocked and angry through his confusion. Roxas had been so cruel, had sounded so calloused…it was jarring to see the boy this way. At the same time…_What was he talking about? Why did he have to explain to his own mother who Naminé was?_

"You want to know, don't you? What that was about." Axel met Roxas' unblinking gaze cautiously.

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know." The boy shifted, lifting himself and moving to sit beside Axel on the couch. "My mother is…messed up in the head, I guess." He leaned back, resting his head against the back of the couch and staring at the ceiling. "When Naminé went into the hospital for the first time, my dad was away. He hurried back…too quickly. He was killed in a car accident. My mother was so shocked – since Nami was first diagnosed, Mom was struggling, and Dad did the most to take care of us. When he died…she had a breakdown. She never completely came out of it."

Roxas turned his gaze briefly to Axel, then down at the floor. "She was horrible to Nami all the time. Whenever Nami needed to go to the hospital, I'd sneak her out and take her there on the bus. I could only call an ambulance if our mother was out. Nami had to stay hidden in her room all the time, or Mother would hit her. After she went into the hospital permanently, my mother began to deny that she had ever had a daughter. She focused on me instead. So…I had to leave. Once I got a steady job, I had to live alone to keep her from finding out. Since then, she's been alone, living on what I send her even though she could support herself if she tried."

Roxas shook his head slightly. "I'm not going to let her anymore. Besides, I haven't felt anything for her in years. She's not my mother anymore… When I told her Naminé was…gone…even that couldn't wake her up. So that's it."

Axel was overwhelmed by his own emotions as he listened to the boy's family history. His shock faded gradually, replaced with incredulity at the tragic things Roxas had lived through. That feeling also faded, however, overcome by a surge of powerful indignation at those who had let Roxas experience these things. He tried to tell himself to be understanding, to not judge Roxas' mother…but all he could see was the obvious pain she had caused her son – precious, beautiful Roxas – and his fury would overtake him again at the thought.

Swallowing hard, he choked out a question. "Was this why you…started working this job? For your sister's hospital bills and…your mother?"

The blond head nodded listlessly. Axel felt his whole body surge with a painful desire to smash something…the faces of all the people who had abused Roxas, for example. Or maybe something large and glass would do instead…for now.

"Why did all those things have to happen to you? All those people…why did so many people have to mistreat you?" His voice was low, nearly a growl, evidence of his controlled rage. "What is _wrong_ with them anyway? I'll…I'd like to give them back ten times the pain they've given you." He turned to Roxas, his hands closing tightly over thin, limp shoulders. "Roxas." He stared intently into wide, innocent-looking eyes. "If anyone ever hurts you again…if anyone bothers you or makes you unhappy or _anything_ that you don't like, you have to tell me. I'll smash their goddamn faces in." He felt his chest constrict slightly, and Axel pulled the boy closer, holding him against his chest and pressing his face to soft, blond hair. "I'll protect you Roxas. Please let me."

"Axel." The boy's voice was slightly muffled and rather bewildered. "I can't…I mean, you have done so much already, taking care of me…I shouldn't bother you anymore. You have…your own life…"

"Damn it, Roxas, don't talk like that. Please, just let me help you. When I…I care about you this much…"

Roxas pulled back slightly and looked up at him, his face, for once, showing shadows of emotion – confusion, sorrow, maybe even…hope?

"What do you mean?"

Axel gazed into those sad blue eyes, struggling to suppress the pain he felt for Roxas…struggling to come up with a response.

"I don't know how to explain…how to make you understand…" He was silent a moment. Then, slowly, Axel leaned a little closer. He paused, his eyes carefully checking Roxas' face, questioning the blond, hesitating. Roxas' expression remained mostly unchanged, only becoming perhaps a little surprised.

Axel's mind was softly trying to get his attention, insisting that he was making a mistake, _Don't do this, this isn't the way_, but he was deaf to the rational advice. Without thinking any further, he closed the slight distance between them and placed his lips against the soft, pink ones he desired so completely.

His heart thudded loudly as he caressed Roxas' lips – sweetly, innocently, and lovingly – and Axel's mind fell silent, drowned out by the mingled sorrow and bliss that filled him as he kissed Roxas gently, with all his heart.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas shuffled among the frozen meals stocking Axel's freezer as he half-heartedly searched for something that would tempt him into eating. He examined the last box – frozen pizza – and discarded it, far from enthused.

What he really wanted wasn't food – it was something to make the pain and the loneliness and the horribly persistent feeling of _filth_ go away. He opened Axel's refrigerator…and almost immediately located a significant stash of beer.

Roxas had _never_ been a drinker. He hated the taste of alcohol, and besides, beer wasn't in his thin-figure diet. Not to mention, he had slept with too many filthy drunks to ever find alcohol even slightly tempting.

Now…

He listened carefully. Axel was still in the shower. He could probably ask the man for a beer – Axel most likely wouldn't find that strange, not knowing about Roxas' alcohol-free habits. Still, he didn't want to see the man now. Not even to ask for a beer. He was still so uncertain, so confused – the kiss and Axel's words had made very little sense to him in his muddled state.

All he knew was agony. And all he could think about was making all the bad feelings go away.

He grabbed a can, cracking it open with determination – a feeling which faded as the nauseating smell reached him. Roxas steeled himself, and forced the can to his lips. His desperation to numb his heart and mind was the only thing that made him take a sip.

Gagging, Roxas coughed as he tried to swallow. He struggled uselessly – his body rejected the drink, sending it spattering across the kitchen counter. Roxas continued coughing until he was able to grab a glass and fill it with water, attempting to rinse the bad taste away.

When he finally got his breath back, the boy sighed and stared dejectedly at the mess, then began to slowly and carefully clean it up. He poured the beer out, giving up the hopeless idea of getting himself blissfully, mindlessly drunk.

It was no use. It hurt so bad…he had to find another way, something else that could numb him, erase all his thoughts, drive the loneliness away…

_Naminé…_

Roxas felt tears welling up again, and he turned back to the bedroom, where he let himself fall face first into bed, his eyes beginning to overflow once more.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas woke from a slight doze to the sound of Axel shuffling in his closet. Lifting his head, he could see the man digging through clothes, apparently searching for a clean shirt, since he was only wearing a pair of jeans.

Through his blank, disinterested haze, Roxas contemplated the man. Axel's back was thin and muscular; his hips were rather slender too. _Nice body. Nicer than any I've ever had, I think._

The thought had been automatic, an evaluation that had become a part of the way his mind worked, thanks to his job. However, having had the thought, Roxas began to remember how he had begun to desire the man now in front of him – how he had thought about him after work, thought about him while working, _wanted_ him like he had never wanted anyone before. He remembered Axel's touch – the thing that had caught his attention and ignited his desires. He remembered when Axel had made that reservation, and had kissed him so passionately…and then, in the past few days, Axel had kissed him twice more. Just today, in fact. The boy was familiar with kisses, but to him, they only meant one thing – foreplay.

Roxas' mind made the only sense of these memories that it could. _I guess Axel wants me after all. And I…I have wanted him for a while too… _

Suddenly, as if a switch was flicked on in his mind, Roxas realized that he knew of an excellent way to erase the pain, to make himself forget, and make everything feel better, if only for a moment. _Axel…_

"Axel." He called softly. The man emerged from the closet, still without a shirt. _Yesss…even better from the front…_ A newly-awakened, lustful corner of Roxas' mind whispered. Axel looked at Roxas questioningly.

"I thought you were asleep. Sorry if I woke you. You need anything, Roxas?"

"Yes. Can you come here please?" Roxas gazed innocently into green eyes, but there was a hazy fire beginning in his sweet blue gaze. Axel complied without hesitation. Roxas sat up straight on the bed.

When Axel was in front of him, he took the man's large hands in his own and placed them at his thin waist, under the edge of the sweatshirt. As he began to guide the hands up – lifting the loose shirt free as they went – he kept his eyes locked with Axel's surprised stare.

"I'm hot, Axel." Roxas all but softly moaned.

"Uhhh…Roxas? I don't think…"

"Hmm?" The shirt was free now, and Axel's green eyes were drawn irresistibly away from Roxas' face…lower. While he was distracted, Roxas slipped forward, artfully tangling the man's legs with his feet while pulling on his hips. With a surprised grunt, Axel toppled to the bed. Before he could even figure out what had happened, Roxas had pushed him over onto his back, and was straddling his knees while his small hands were brushing up the exposed skin of Axel's stomach.

"Roxas?" Axel was becoming alarmed. "What are you doing?" The blond boy slid higher, now touching his chest while lowering his face to flick a wet tongue lightly over Axel's muscular torso.

"You've done a lot to help me these past few days…I want to show my appreciation. Won't you let me pay you back, Axel?" His voice had dropped to a seductive purr. His tongue was out again, this time teasing one of Axel's pink nipples. _I'll make you feel so good, I'll make you scream and moan for me…_

"I didn't…_nngh!_…You don't have to…pay me back. I just want to he-help you." Axel was trying to struggle slightly, trying to discourage the boy from pressing their bodies any closer together.

_Don't think, Axel. The best thing about this is…you don't have to think…_

Roxas just nuzzled his face into Axel's bare chest, his hands roaming over the tense muscles, tracing slowly lower. "But you _can_ help me…this way. I need this…and I want you. Don't you want me too?" _I want you to fuck me senseless, make my mind go blank, erase all the thoughts and feelings, I want it, please please please do it to me…_

As Roxas raised his head and sought to connect his open mouth with Axel's, his hand slid even further down – touching denim, then brushing over it…then cupping firmly between the man's legs.

Axel froze. And almost instantly sprang to life again. His hands gripped Roxas' shoulders as the boy was about to kiss him, and firmly pushed the thin body away. His strong arms quickly moved Roxas off of him, and he got up. Wide blue eyes stared up at him, shocked and hurt.

_He doesn't want me? Why doesn't he want me? He finds me disgusting after all? I knew it, I'm too filthy, he would never touch me, he would never want a dirty thing like me…what am I going to do now?_

Axel's unsteady voice interrupted Roxas' despairing thoughts. "I don't…want it this way…I mean, this isn't good for you, you shouldn't…right now…" He trailed off, staring at Roxas. The blond paused, struck by the look of pain in those green eyes. _Why…?_

"I'm sorry, Roxas."

Axel was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:**

Welcome to the bipolar chapter…which also happens to be twice the length of a regular chapter. Yikes. Oo I hope you all enjoy it massively, and also don't hate it too much. XP Umm…I won't give stuff away, I'll just say, these events have been planned for _quite_ a while.

Also, just a polite request – Could everyone please stop with the questions/comments/requests about updatingsoon/quickly/etc? The answer has always been the same – I am working on it. As much as is physically possible. I am very busy, and I _promise_ you, I spend nearly all my free time on fic writing, just to keep the updates coming. My other hobbies…are gone. This is seriously coming out as fast as I can make it. Mkay?

* * *

Evening had just finished fading into night. The warm spring day had become a cool spring twilight, and now the beginnings of a chilly night. The city was already coming alive – neon lights and noisy clubs clashed in the streets with crowds of moving bodies and zooming cars. Groups of pleasure-seekers flowed like water from one hectic entertainment site to another.

Roxas walked alone.

Late that Saturday afternoon, Axel had left for the grocery store while Roxas pretended to sleep. As soon as he was sure the man was gone, the blond had gotten up and walked out. Without a note, without a pause, Roxas had just left.

Once on the street, his mind woke up from blank, thoughtless disinterest long enough to figure out where he was and which way he was going. His feet automatically turned toward home – the shithole of an apartment that was the only place Roxas had to go.

It had been a long walk, and Roxas' body was quite tired when he got there. However, he didn't stop moving, even for a moment. Roxas quickly stripped and began a thorough shower – not one that was just a desperate, demented urge to be clean, but a practiced, routine shower. A shower meant to make sure certain areas of his body were as nice as they could possibly be.

Sneaking out of Axel's apartment wasn't the only secret thing the blond had done that day. Shortly after Axel had left him, refusing his hungry advances, Roxas had tiptoed quietly from the room. Axel was outside, apparently on his cell phone. Roxas had found the house phone again…and made another call.

Marluxia told him that 7:30 would be fine. First appointment would be at 8.

Fresh from the shower, Roxas had automatically followed his old routine – hair, makeup, clothes – and grabbed his fur-collared jacket on his way out into the cool evening.

The distance from his apartment to the whore house had never seemed so short. But then, Roxas' mind was blank to the passing of time and the plodding of his steps.

He walked in the back entrance shortly before business hours. Hearing the door, Marluxia poked his head out of his office. The man looked downright silly – his makeup was only half done and his stockinged feet weren't in their high-heeled shoes yet – but Roxas was used to the sight. Marly always got dressed in his office shortly before his bar opened.

Marluxia's face instantly softened upon seeing Roxas. "Hey babe. How are you doin'?"

The blond gave his boss a sad smile. "I'm not gonna lie, Mama. I've been better."

"You sure you're ready for this?" His boss' eyes searched Roxas' face gently.

Roxas nodded. "I can work, Mama. I _want_ to work."

The pink-haired man gave him a slightly worried look, then sighed and withdrew into his office, emerging quickly and extending an envelope to Roxas.

"I had all the boys sign it. Everyone…really sends you their best." Roxas looked down. As he opened the envelope, a card slid out. "Condolences," and some nice message was printed on it.

Roxas expected that he would tear up a bit…but instead, all he felt was a tired sort of sorrow seeping through the emptiness. "Thank you." His voice was quiet, but steady. "I appreciate it, Mama. Thanks a lot. Tell everyone…I said thanks."

"Sure, hon." The man gently laid a hand on Roxas' tousled hair. After a pause, he let go. "Better get ready, kiddo, first reservation is at 8, you know."

Roxas nodded again and went to mechanically primp in front of the mirror in the clean-up room.

After making sure he was up to Mama's standards – at home, he had automatically chosen skin-tight shorts, fishnets, and a tight beater cut off at the midriff, showing off plenty of skin on stomach, shoulders, and arms – Roxas paused, gazing absently into the mirror. Glassy blue eyes gazed back at him, reflecting his emptiness. Roxas felt a shudder of revulsion run over his skin at the sight of one so _filthy_, yet his face showed nothing.

Slowly, Roxas curled his lips and tipped his head slightly to the side, lowering his lids – transforming the blank face into a bold, seductive one. It was a slutty expression that he had practiced so well, forming it was almost a reflex to him – a simple matter of allowing his facial muscles to relax into a familiar position. Roxas contemplated the alluring image emotionlessly.

_It's so ugly…but it doesn't matter. Nothing will change that anymore…and I want to forget, make the pain stop…Axel…even Axel doesn't want me anymore._

"Roxie!" The boy looked up, slightly startled. Marluxia was leaning into the room. "Your client is here. Suite A."

Roxas took the key with a tired smile…which disappeared when he walked through the door. His entire bearing changed the moment he was in sight – his face was ready to slip into a tempting expression, his posture made sure his beautiful body was displayed at its best, and his walk became a hip-swaying, slightly feminine stride. Roxie's walk.

A man was waiting at the bar – a man with long blue hair and an X-shaped scar on his face. Roxie didn't even need to ask. He reached the man and leaned in close, breath warmly fanning over the stranger's lips.

"Hi." His smile magically appeared. "You are my Master tonight?" His hand traced up the man's chest, brushing around the back of his neck as Roxie pressed their bodies together.

"I've heard about you, Roxie." The man's voice was oily and somewhat revolting, deep and…and cruel. "I hope you live up to the rumors."

Roxie smirked, and leaned in to whisper in the man's ear. "I plan to surpass them."

A nasty smile crept across the man's face, as Roxie turned to lead him up to the suites.

-o-o-O-o-o-

His body was on autopilot again…but this time, there was a frantic edge to Roxas' actions. He showed nothing to the client – his composure was perfect, only appearing perhaps more desperately eager, more hungry, more…insatiable than usual – but inside, Roxas felt like he was trembling violently, burning and freezing to the core. He felt his mind race despairingly over nothing…nothing at all. No thoughts, no sensations, nothing, and yet he felt as though his brain would crack and shatter from scurrying so wildly over those thousands of…nothings.

He showed none of his panic. A large hand slid over his naked body, sending fractures into his very soul as his mind shuddered with repulsion…and Roxie's voice moaned in ecstasy. Strong fingers closed harshly around his slender neck, gripping tight and forcing him to his knees, making his eyes sting as bolts of mindless terror ricocheted through his skull…echoing and echoing, mingled with a cry of pleasure from the voice that wasn't quite his. He was yanked forward by his hair, his face nearly crushed into the client's crotch. Roxie slavishly complied, "Yes, Master," and filled his mouth with the bitter taste, his vacant eyes and erotic expression screaming lust, while a trembling voice inside of him whispered despair, despair and madness.

After a while, those cruel hands were back, crushing his arms as they hurled Roxas down on the bed. Rough fingers penetrated him, and Roxie's body writhed on the edge of orgasm. Yet in his mind…

Darkness was closing over him fast. The fingers pulled out…there was one moment of terrifying pause…and pain tore through Roxas, _pain pain pain_…then nothing. The darkness crashed over him, and Roxas finally found the oblivion he had been searching for. His mind simply…left, allowing his body to continue without him, neither knowing nor caring what happened while he was unaware.

-o-o-O-o-o-

"Make it quick, hon, there's a guy who asked about you; he's waiting at the bar."

Roxas barely heard his boss as he dragged himself into the clean-up room. When he reached the sink, he began the usual motions mechanically, but after a few moments, he stopped moving. His vacant blue eyes were fixed on the drain; Roxas didn't even hear one of his co-workers enter and greet him.

He _did_ hear a harsh voice echoing in his memory…

_Not bad, for a little bitch. Today's your lucky day, slut – you're good enough for me to recommend you to a friend of mine. He'll be in touch._

Roxas jolted with a violent shudder, his legs nearly crumbling under him, and a scream struggled to escape his throat.

_Hey, Roxie?_

One moment of oblivion, one short pause of silence. His heart had been dead, but only briefly – and now it was beating again, the pain was back, Naminé was _gone, gone, gone_, and he had nothing left to live for and not enough courage to die.

_Roxas?_

What had it all been for, anyway? It was pointless, futile – his whole life had become meaningless now. He should have no reason to go on…but he suddenly knew that he couldn't stop. He was trapped…trapped…

_Roxas, what's wrong?_

The next client was waiting…the client…

The next stranger was waiting to fuck him.

The mad panic inside Roxas' head finally overwhelmed his iron self-control, and Roxas fell to his knees, his voice tearing out of his throat in scream after agonized scream.

-o-o-O-o-o-

The streetlights were flashing past the car window, flickering beams of yellow and red and sometimes blue, but they weren't as bright as at midnight. The faintest gray was tainting the sky between the buildings, and the artificial lights had lost a little of their glare as morning approached.

The cold glass of the window felt nice against Roxas' forehead – soothing, almost. That and the silence – the calm, comfortable silence – and the lingering effect of the drugs helped him to relax. He sighed lightly, cherishing the moment devoid of chaotic feelings.

Roxas had had a panic attack at work, or so Marly had told him. He couldn't remember anything after making it to the clean-up room. The next thing he knew, his burly, dress-wearing boss had lifted him from the floor and carried him into the back office, depositing him on the couch there and holding him down, to calm his thrashing. He had been force-fed a sedative as soon as it became clear to the boss that his employee wasn't sensible enough to calm himself down.

Roxas had spent most of the rest of the night passed out on that couch, sometimes sleeping, sometimes lying in a drugged stupor.

As the night ended, Marluxia had returned to his office to examine the boy. He had pulled up a low chair and sat down near the limp form.

"What happened?" His low voice was calm, neutrally waiting for an answer.

"I don't know…" Roxas' weak voice barely scratched out through the hoarseness left over from the screaming fit. "I'm sorry Mama…I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me…I'm so sorry…"

"Hush." The man firmly but kindly silenced the blond, who was about to choke up again. He sighed, then rose tiredly. "I'll take you home, kiddo."

After the man had changed, he helped Roxas up – the boy was still unsteady on his feet under the lingering influence of the sedative – and led him out to his old, baby-blue Cadillac. Roxas allowed himself to be settled into the passenger seat, and they began the silent drive to the dingy apartment building.

The streetlights were beginning to click off, fewer and fewer of them remaining lit, as the car neared Roxas' home. The sky had grown more noticeably light, and the buildings became dark silhouettes against it. Dawn came so quickly in the city.

When Marluxia stopped in front of Roxas building, the boy almost regretted the ride coming to an end. _Now…now what? _He loathed the idea of returning to that wretched room, but at the same time, he hardly had anywhere else to go. He certainly couldn't go to Axel's place. Not now.

His boss cleared his throat, then the man's voice interrupted his despairing thoughts. "You know, all the boys have their ways of coping. Something they all use to diffuse the unpleasant parts. Some way of feeling OK again. I suppose I can guess what yours was, now." Roxas listened quietly, unsure what to expect from this speech.

"If something happens, you find a new way of coping…but you have to have one. You can't just do this job without some escape – the hard parts are too hard. If you try to handle it all on your own…well, you can't. And you won't be able to work."

"I can…" Roxas' tired voice desperately tried to interject.

"You have something you can replace her with? Some new escape?" The man's gaze was level, firm but not reprimanding – it was a knowing look, one that left no room for excuses.

The blond head could only droop, listlessly shaking slightly. Roxas knew he couldn't lie. His boss knew him too well.

The pink-haired man sighed again. "Then you can't work anymore, can you hon?"

Roxas' head snapped up, his eyes wide. "But I have to…!"

"But you _can't_." Marly insisted gently. He patted disheveled blond hair consolingly. "Look kid, I'm sorry. You were top of the line, one of my best. But more than that, you were a great kid to work with. I don't get little sunbeams like you in this profession very often. I'm really gonna miss ya."

Roxas could feel the familiar taste of misery beginning, as his eyes stung slightly with the beginning of tears, long after he thought he couldn't cry anymore. It wasn't really sorrow this time though – it was that panic again, that desperate fear of the pain. It was what drove Roxas to scrape for something, anything that could soothe him.

"Hey, listen kiddo." Marluxia's compassionate voice broke in. "I want you to know…you can call me if you need anything, OK? I'll do whatever I can to help."

Roxas was only dimly aware of thanking his former boss quietly and getting out of the car, stepping out into an early Sunday morning. Only the third day since…and yet it felt like weeks.

In his apartment, Roxas peeled away the tight clothing and drenched himself in a hot shower. This time, however, he wasn't even trying to be clean. He was convinced it was impossible, now. And this time, he skipped the usual hygiene rituals afterwards. He no longer had a job that required them. He didn't eat either. Even if he had wanted to, the food in his refrigerator was mostly bad already. He hadn't been home in two days.

The only thing Roxas _did_ do was pick up his phone. He noticed, on his way to the bedroom, that the answering machine light was blinking. He listlessly played the messages, but froze when he realized what they were saying.

The hospital had called. Paperwork. Register the death.

Roxas was trembling badly. But then, the final message played, a familiar voice breaking through his mounting horror.

"Roxas? Roxas, if you're there, pick up." A long pause. Then, as the phone was apparently being hung up, the boy could hear a mumbled "Shit!"

Axel had called. Axel was looking for him.

Roxas felt a renewed stab of pain as he remembered how the man had rejected his advances. Axel had turned him away…Axel didn't want him.

So why was Axel calling him?

_No…I can't go back there right now…not after what happened, not after leaving like that, not after __**tonight**__, after what happened…I can't…_

As he pulled on jeans (too tight) and a hoodie (much too big) he continued to argue with himself. As he left the apartment, his inner voice never stopped wailing that it was impossible. The long walk passed quickly, with Roxas' mind totally occupied by the debate. Twice, he turned back suddenly, only to turn again and continue.

As he stood in front of Axel's door, he finally realized why he had returned, in spite of wanting so badly to run away. _There's no one else to return to…and I need someone to go to. I __**cannot**__ be alone…and I want it to be him. I feel better…with him. I want to come when he calls me. I want to be near him. I think…I might be…falling in…in love with him._

His knuckles tapped the door lightly, timidly. There was a sudden scuffling, a _thud_, and the pounding of feet. The door was yanked open, revealing a disheveled-looking redhead, whose green eyes were wide with worry and disbelief.

"Roxas…?"

The boy felt all his resolve melt – all his desire to run, all his hurt over being rejected. Everything drained from him suddenly, leaving him weak. Helplessly, he all but fell against Axel, clutching the man's shirt and feeling those strong arms close around him, holding him up.

"Axel! Axel…A-Axel!"

The man was so warm, so solid and comforting. Roxas could feel those muscled arms clutching him tighter…the man's scent was almost overpowering, they were so close. He was trembling violently as he buried his face in that broad chest. He felt Axel bend down…and a kiss was pressed against the top of his head.

He could hear Axel's low whisper, close to his ear. Relief flooded the man's voice, as he all but sighed one simple word.

"Roxas."

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel glanced sideways at the passenger in his car. Roxas was calmly gazing out the window, watching the afternoon fade, the light becoming slightly orange as the sunset began.

They were on their way home…back to Axel's apartment, that is. Among other places they had been that day, the main trip had been to the hospital.

Axel had absolutely insisted on driving Roxas there, once he heard that the boy had to face the ordeal of signing paperwork, legally confirming that he had lost his only sister forever. Axel would not hear of Roxas walking there and dealing with that alone. Especially because, since the moment Roxas had walked back through Axel's door, the redhead had contracted a slightly irrational fear of his guest disappearing again.

He had been so overwhelmed when he saw Roxas standing there. Worry had been strangling him…not like a choke-hold on his neck. More like a python around his whole body. And then the beautiful boy was there, and he could hardly believe it – Roxas was suddenly in his arms, Roxas was clinging to him and _there_, just there with him, whispering his name. He hadn't driven the kid away for good, he hadn't let him escape only to harm himself in some horrible way…he hadn't lost him forever. Roxas had come back. Axel was so happy, in that moment, he almost cried.

And then he had helped the still-trembling boy in, and realized that Roxas was barely standing on his own two feet. Through a barrage of questions, Axel quickly learned that Roxas hadn't bothered to eat lately. In fact, his last food had been the tomato soup Axel had made him on Friday.

It was two days later. No wonder Roxas was weak.

Axel immediately set to work fixing Roxas something to eat. Unfortunately, he had never been much of a cook. The healthiest meal he could come up with was another canned soup – chicken and rice this time. Axel just hoped that Roxas would eat it.

The trembling blond boy didn't resist in the least. When Axel set the soup in front of him, he began to eat it, slowly but steadily. The older man felt even more relieved, as well as perhaps irrationally gratified that Roxas would eat his "cooking."

After that, Roxas had seemed much stronger and steadier. Axel had suggested a shower or sleep, but Roxas informed him that he had just had both. Axel wanted to press his questions a little further – he needed to know where his guest had disappeared to and what he had done – but Roxas forestalled any questions by mentioning what he needed to do that day.

Hospital paperwork. Registration of the deceased.

Axel had begun worrying again as soon as he heard it, and he left Roxas no choice but to accept his company for a drive over to the hospital. When they arrived at the hospital, Axel had paused after parking the car.

He glanced cautiously at Roxas. "Are you sure about this? Sure you're OK? The paperwork can wait, I'm sure…"

Blue eyes with a trace of sorrow still lingering in them turned to meet his. "I'm OK. I…I've cried enough. I need to take care of this now."

Axel nodded, unsure what to say. It was good to see Roxas talking, eating, and behaving rationally – making an effort to deal with reality and begin living again – but, at the same time, the sudden calm threw him off a bit. And he couldn't be sure if it was just his imagination, or if it was his reporter's intuition…but Axel felt like Roxas was holding something back. Hiding something, maybe.

Of course, Axel understood that he was far from knowing everything about Roxas. Still, he had never gotten the feeling that Roxas was hiding anything before…

The feeling was faint, however, and barely registered before Axel and Roxas left the car, making their way into the hospital that had become so familiar to Roxas over the last two years.

They emerged within half an hour, Roxas having completed all the necessary paperwork, designating a funeral home from the ones affiliated with the hospital, and saying his farewells to the nurses, who all offered their condolences and wished him well.

The rest of the day was occupied with complicated funeral arrangements. Axel did everything he could to help, driving Roxas anywhere he needed to go, while carefully watching the boy to make sure he was still OK, in spite of the endless errands that were both tiresome and depressing. If the blond had been unable to handle it even slightly and had started to seem upset, Axel was ready to take him home and leave the messy business of death for another day.

Roxas, however, seemed fine. Or at least, he seemed much better – the best that could be expected, in fact. He was still quiet, and carried an air of sorrow around with him, but it wasn't an overbearing sense of grief and pain, as it had been at first. Roxas was just…sad.

To Axel, it looked like Roxas was dealing with his loss far, far better than before.

Now, if only Axel could handle his own struggles as capably…

He was really beginning to lose patience with himself – powerful desire was one thing, but desire that didn't go away even in the most inhospitable circumstances…well, it was frustrating for Axel to have so little control over his own thoughts.

He caught himself again and again during their errands – watching Roxas, admiring the nape of his neck, watching his fingers gently but firmly grip a pen to sign a paper, and, much too often, staring longingly at his legs. Those jeans were really much too tight. Axel thanked his good luck that Roxas had that huge hoodie on, hanging low – just barely to his thighs – and at least sparing Axel the torture of trying to tear his eyes away from Roxas' ass. No, all Axel had to worry about was the way those jeans deliciously squeezed the thin thighs…and disappeared under the hoodie to hug tightly around those places Axel couldn't see.

Of course, he wasn't spared the pain of _imagining _that sight – quite often, in fact – but Axel knew better than to complain about small mercies. And Roxas' hoodie was the small mercy that was making it possible for the redhead to occasionally refocus on what they were doing, and stop imagining how beautiful Roxas' naked body would look.

He still wanted Roxas so much. He wanted to touch the blond; to see those eyes filled with happiness and understanding and maybe even something like love; to hold the boy close, nothing standing between them anymore; to kiss him, God, just to _kiss_ him again and again and again; to hear that sweet voice softly reassuring him that everything was OK now…that he was fine, and that they could be together, finally.

As Roxas gazed tiredly out the window at the city slipping by and the sunset reflecting off of walls of windows, Axel wondered how long he would have to wait before the boy would be able to return his feelings…if, in fact, he ever did. He snuck another glance at his passenger – he had lost track of how many times he had failed to resist a quick look at Roxas – and almost didn't have the willpower to pull his eyes back to the road.

Gold hair was tinged with reddish light from the setting sun. The orange glow made the soft face look even softer; the curves of Roxas' features were blurred slightly in the dimness. As Axel forced his eyes back to the road (thinking desperately that if he wrecked the car he'd hurt or kill Roxas) his mind lingered on the image of a delicate earlobe partially hidden by a lock of golden hair, and the gentle curve of a youthful neck drawing his eyes down until it disappeared into the folds of that far too large hoodie.

_Too beautiful… _It was almost unbearable.

_Christ, I'm really in love with him, aren't I?_ Axel paused, realizing the full impact of this thought. Then…

_I wish I could tell him…_

-o-o-O-o-o-

The TV flickered some halfway-interesting show, its light and a dim lamp illuminating a blond and a redhead sitting on the sofa, half watching Sunday night programming, half lost in their own thoughts. Discarded TV dinners sat on the coffee table.

Axel was just puzzling out how he could make sure that his guest did not see him during the night or in the morning, before he could have a shower. The man had a strong suspicion that tonight would bring more damned wet dreams. If he was having this much trouble with his thoughts while awake, Axel was sure his subconscious would have a heyday as soon as he fell asleep.

For what seemed like the millionth time today, Axel's eyes wandered sideways, discreetly observing Roxas. _He did really well today. He seems so much better…he's talking more normally, he's got some expressions back – God, they are beautiful too – and he's eating just fine. _Axel contemplated the boy sitting next to him on the couch. _If only he could be completely better…this would be perfect._ He began to imagine sitting here with Roxas, relaxing and watching TV after a long day at work…just being together. The thought alone made contentment spread over him like a warm blanket.

A slightly lowered voice interrupted his thoughts. Without prelude, Roxas spoke, surprising Axel slightly. "I should tell you, I guess, that I won't be much good for interviews for your novel from now on…unless you want to know more about my past. I…I'm not working at Marluxia's anymore."

If Axel's quiet contentment had been a warm blanket, the surge of joy he felt at hearing these soft, unexpected words – after a few moments of incredulous silence, during which Axel wondered if it could really be true – was more of a wildfire. His mind scrambled to try to take in the wonderful implications of this news.

_Roxas quit? Roxas isn't a prostitute anymore? He won't sell himself again? That means…no more of those nasty perverts will touch him. _Axel was too stunned with relief to come up with a response right away. Roxas was free. _Free_.

Finally, before the silence got too long, Axel forced out a reply, trying to control the happiness in his voice. "Oh, don't worry about it. Whatever is best for you."

"I guess…" Roxas hesitated. "But what about your novel? Do you have enough, um, information?"

Axel paused a moment, considering how he should respond. How would Roxas take it, if he told him the truth? And yet…the boy seemed to be doing really well. Maybe it would be OK, now, to tell him.

"Actually, Roxas," Axel paused, clearing his throat. "Actually, I have a confession about that."

"Oh?" The blond shifted, turning to sit sideways, facing Axel. "What's that?"

The older man also turned, facing his listener, while flicking the TV to "mute." "About the novel thing. I wasn't…entirely honest about that."

Roxas' brow crinkled slightly. "How so?"

"Well…you see, I'm not actually an author. Not a book-writing one, anyway. I do write…but I'm a journalist; I write for the newspaper. I didn't want you to know that when we met, because I didn't think you would talk to a reporter. And I…I really wanted to talk to you. So I told you I was writing a novel."

"Why did you want to talk to me?" Roxas' question sounded fairly neutral, waiting to know more. Axel bravely continued.

"I just…I was really interested in you, I guess. I wanted to have a chance to get to know you. I'm really sorry I lied about the novel. It was just…the only way I could think of to find an excuse to spend time with you. And I enjoyed…I _really_ enjoyed talking to you and getting to know you."

The blond head ducked slightly at that. Axel couldn't tell too well in the dim light, but it looked like Roxas was blushing.

"I enjoyed it too. I had…a lot of fun at those interviews."

Axel had detected the faintest smile in Roxas' voice, beginning to creep out onto his face. _He's not mad._ Relief again washed over Axel. "Still…sorry for lying."

Now Roxas was definitely smiling softly. "It's OK. It doesn't matter now." The smile grew a bit more, touching Roxas' eyes – the first time Axel had seen such an expression in days. "Really, it's a good thing you did. You're right, I'd never have talked to a reporter. And I don't know what I'd have done this week…without you."

Axel's first reaction was surprise at hearing Roxas refer to the past week without "blanking out" or tearing up. That feeling, however, quickly faded, as the blue eyes shining in the dim light remained locked on his own. The magnetic pull of those eyes made Axel catch his breath, and he couldn't look away from Roxas…even if he had wanted to.

Was it just his imagination, or had the atmosphere suddenly changed? Axel hadn't seen Roxas move…and yet it felt as if they were closer. The space between them seemed to shrink, like it wasn't there…and at the same time it grew, it _was_ there…and in that moment it began to _hurt_ to have all that space between them.

Axel swallowed, barely focused on the conversation. "Don't mention it."

Roxas didn't reply. Instead, he slid slowly forward, closing that unbearable gap. The blond was carefully trying to read the man who sat beside him, who made him feel so much more natural, so much _better_ with just his presence. Would it be the same as last time, if Roxas did something now? Would Axel push him away again? But this time, he wasn't trying to pay Axel back or anything. He just wanted to be accepted – to confirm that there would always be a place for him, one person to return to. _Please accept me, please don't turn me away… _He wanted to know that he could stay near this man. _Please keep me, please always make me forget the pain… I'm not even asking you to love me, just…stay in my life. _

Green eyes widened slightly as Roxas closed the distance between them…while at the same time, Axel could feel the irresistible nearness of the blond drawing him closer as well. Each inch closer made his skin tingle with hope, anticipation…_fire_.

And then…Roxas was tilting his head, gazing up at him, so close, so very, very close, the scent of his hair and skin mingling with the laundry-smell of his hoodie, filling Axel's mind, the youthful face captivating the man, the boy's blue eyes barely open…

_He seems so much better today…just a little…is fine…_

And he reached out to Roxas, his arms just beginning to wind around the thin waist as their lips brushed lightly, sweetly together.

The gentle contact sent Axel's heart pounding so hard that every other sound was completely drowned out. Roxas' kiss was so warm…and he could feel hands reaching up, twining around the back of his neck. The arms tugged a bit, and Axel felt the kiss become a bit firmer. Roxas' lips moved, Roxas' body pressed closer…and Axel's arms involuntarily responded, pulling Roxas against him, pressing the thin young body against his own, broader chest as he thrilled to the pressure of the quickly intensifying kiss.

The warmth was fast becoming almost _too _warm – almost _hot_ – and Axel had forgotten to breathe, until Roxas broke away ever so slightly to suck in a trembling breath. The redhead also drew in air shakily, his head spinning with pleasure just from touching Roxas, let alone kissing him. Their bodies were still pressed close, their arms were around each other, and those moist, sweet lips were hovering barely a hair's breadth away. It wasn't enough, yet. He wanted more…more of Roxas…

_Shouldn't…do this…_

And then the boy whimpered – just slightly – and Axel couldn't resist. He closed their lips together again, pressing longingly into the kiss, forgetting everything else but the scent of Roxas, the feel of the warm, living body in his arms, and the sensations from those small hands and soft lips that seared his whole body with desire.

And then, Roxas parted his lips. And moaned…the softest, slightest moan possible, yet the sound drove agonizing _wanting_ into Axel, into the deepest core of his being. It awakened every longing, every desire…it almost drove him instantly crazy.

Without hesitation, he responded, parting his own lips and reaching out tentatively, hopefully with his tongue.

Roxas' response was so complete, so passionate and welcoming and wholehearted, that within seconds the sweet, gentle kiss had become a wild, hungry one. Two open mouths moved quickly together, tongues exploring, caressing, and small sounds of pleasure beginning to escape from both young men.

Axel felt fingers threading into his hair, tugging. His own hands now encased Roxas' narrow waist. His fingers kneaded at the skin, tracing over the arch of those slender hips. Desperate to get closer, closer to Roxas, Axel pressed forward, lowering the boy rapidly onto his back on the couch. Immediately, his remaining trace of common sense wondered if that had been the best idea. He was on top of Roxas now – supporting his own weight but still almost in full bodily contact with the blond underneath him – and he could tell that both of them were burning with excitement in this new position.

Roxas was breathing in gasps and pants, his chest heaving for air while his hands passionately traced and stroked Axel's face. Axel was ravishing the delicious mouth, trembling slightly as he caressed Roxas' torso through the thick hoodie. He hated the thing, suddenly. He wanted it gone, he wanted to touch _skin_,but he hesitated, not daring to let it go that far. He didn't know how much longer he could control himself as it was.

The hands on his face paused, holding him still as the blond drew back, just far enough to allow their eyes to meet. They were both mesmerized a moment in the hazy, half-lidded gaze of the other. Then, a small smile touched Roxas' reddened lips, and the softest tone he had ever heard spoke his name: "Axel…"

There was adoration in the sound, intimacy and pleasure and begging all at once. With the softest groan of deep longing, Axel pressed their mouths together again, his eyes slipping shut as his hands glided under the bottom edge of the hoodie.

_Just a little more…then I'll stop…not yet, need more…Roxas…_

He felt one of Roxas' legs rise to rub against one of his own. He felt clutching fingers stroke his neck, he tasted that warm, wet mouth, and his hands, under the fabric of this hoodie, smoothed over soft skin, caressing more heat into the flesh of Roxas' stomach. Slowly detaching his lips from Roxas' sultry kiss, Axel moved his mouth to a delicate jaw line. Roxas whimpered again…and Axel hungrily began to move along that slender, lovely throat with open-mouthed kisses that got hotter and hotter and faster and harder as he moved along Roxas' neck. Soft sounds from the blond welcomed his every action.

Neither of them were thinking much anymore.

Axel's hands moved up further, caressing the boy's thin sides as they pushed the hoodie up, exposing flushed skin, a stomach heaving with rapid breathing, a slight sheen of sweat. The last shreds of his control were disappearing fast, as Axel nipped lustfully at Roxas' neck, his hands exploring more fervently.

A whispered moan urged him on. "A-Axel! Yes…"

It was hot. It was already so, so hot, and Axel's body was aching with weeks and _weeks_ worth of longing…for Roxas. His hands moved on their own, beginning to remove the blond's top, as he breathed against the boy's exposed neck, "Roxas…"

The thin frame arched as a much deeper moan resonated from Roxas' throat…and Axel's hands took advantage of the chance to tug the large hoodie free. Immediately, he was clutching Roxas closer again, pulling that gorgeous, half-naked body into a tight embrace. The heat between them had rapidly escalated as the first article of clothing was removed. Axel had finally forgotten all his plans to stop…

Suddenly, Roxas stiffened. The slightest hiss escaped his lips. At the same time, Axel became dimly aware that he was feeling something…strange. His hands were running up Roxas' back, and the smooth skin was suddenly…not smooth under his touch.

Axel pulled back slightly, confused, and met Roxas' eyes. They were wide, seeming suddenly afraid of something, scrambling to think quickly.

Frowning, Axel looked down at the exposed skin of Roxas' chest. It was hard to tell, in the dim light, exactly was he was seeing, but a close inspection still revealed that Roxas' skin was far from unmarred.

Axel turned away to flick on another light. Roxas tried to delay him. "Axel…wait, come back…" When the redhead didn't listen – even though he _wanted_ to relent, to forget about it, to return to the warm embrace of moments ago – Roxas turned to grab for his hoodie.

Axel looked back after brightening the light, to see Roxas struggling to pull the hoodie over his head. His back, however, was plainly visible in that moment.

Long, ugly cuts ran across the otherwise lovely shoulder blades. What was worse, however – what really made Axel's stomach clench into a knot – was that the cuts looked fresh. As in…day-old fresh.

His hand quickly went out to stop the boy from hiding under his hoodie again. Axel turned Roxas toward him, a daze of confusion and dread closing over him, and suddenly he could see that there were other marks on the narrow chest. A few more fresh scratches, marks that looked like they had been left by _teeth_, and…a few dark kiss marks bruised into the pale skin.

"Roxas…" Axel lightly brushed fingers over the injuries as the boy cringed, "What are these? Where did you get them? What happened?" Then, his green gaze met wide, nervous blue, and Axel's confusion hardened a bit into the beginnings of anger. Not at Roxas, however. Never at Roxas.

"Who did this to you?" Green ice was now glinting in his determined gaze.

Roxas, however, didn't understand the direction of the older man's anger. He trembled and shrank back, feeling panic rising up. _He'll hate me, he'll hate me now, he'll send me away forever… _"S-somebody…"

"Somebody? _Who?_ And when?" Axel was already visualizing castrating the bastard that had hurt Roxas. _Who would __**dare?**_

"I…I…!" The blond tried to inch further away. Axel reached out and grabbed his shoulders, pulling Roxas close, not letting him escape.

"When. Where. And who." _I'll kill them for touching you._

"I d-don't know who he was! He was just a c-c-client!"

Green eyes went wide with shock. "A client?" Axel was trying to process this. "These cuts are recent…"

Roxas' head was ducked low – he couldn't look at Axel. He somehow felt ashamed. "Yesterday." His voice was only a whisper.

The information still hadn't sunk in. "I thought you quit your job…I thought you weren't seeing clients anymore?"

"I'm not…" The whole truth came out in a rush, now, Roxas hoping to manage to diffuse Axel's anger. "He was the last one…yesterday…he was kinda rough…he had _claws_…" He looked up nervously, afraid to see the rage still burning in Axel's eyes. Instead, the man's face was filled with…hurt?

"I won't…ever go back there. Marly kinda fired me anyway…" The voice trailed off, bewilderment freezing Roxas' explanations.

It was the last stroke of agony for Axel. _He didn't even quit…he was fired? He ran away from me, let some guy fuck him, let himself get all beat up, got fired for some reason, and came back without a word about it?_

It was finally too much.

"Why?" Green eyes glittered with unhappiness. _Why would you run from me, why did you choose to go back to that, why are you __**using **__me like this? Why, when I love you so much…?_

Roxas couldn't meet Axel's gaze. He didn't know how to explain. He had never even really understood why he had done it himself.

After a heartbroken pause, the redhead quietly got up and left the room. He spent five minutes in the bathroom, trying to calm himself, trying to sort through his feelings. Trying to convince himself that it was a mistake, something else had happened…that Roxas hadn't betrayed him.

When he returned, there was no sign of Roxas in the apartment.

-o-o-O-o-o-

_It's really over this time. He'll never let me come back now. I am…alone. _

Roxas' legs felt like lead. The long walk was too much for him, after such a long day. It was late at night, and Roxas was walking the city alone, again. He was nearing his apartment, but even that thought couldn't encourage him. He had no desire to return there – to that empty place, where he felt as if he had never been happy for a moment. Still…what other choice did he have? He had no one else to go to. His tired legs kept walking, automatically dragging him…home.

He was so miserable again…but he couldn't cry. His blue eyes were blank and unfocused, but dry. _I really must have used up all my tears._ A half-hearted, bitter smile ghosted over Roxas' features before vanishing again. He turned the corner and approached the hated building where he lived.

As he neared the front of his apartment complex, his hazy vision noticed a car idling out front. Roxas paid no attention to it…until a window rolled down as he drew near. A familiar voice called from inside the car – a sound that made Roxas' skin crawl.

"Roxie." Cruel tones. A cruel sneer. He stopped, but didn't turn to look.

"You haven't been answering your phone today. So he sent me. I'm here to take you to your new master." A note of command had filtered into that insidious voice. Roxas turned slowly, staring blankly into the dark car.

Long blue hair…a scarred face. The client. The client who had hurt him yesterday. Roxas was about to recoil, when the man spoke again, sharply.

"Your master is waiting. Get in the car."

_Master? _ Through the confused haze in Roxas' mind, the frail voice of Roxie echoed. Recognition. _Master._ Someone was calling him. Someone to go to. _I won't be alone?_

Mechanically, in a daze, Roxas moved to the car.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas stood in front of a door.

From the car onward, the voice had not spoken. The former client simply conducted him from his apartment to their destination.

A long, tense drive across town. When they stopped, they were at a fancy hotel. He was led into the lobby, into an elevator. Then out. Down a hall.

Until Roxas faced this door.

The former client opened the door, announcing, "I've brought him." Roxas briefly wondered at the tone, so suddenly unfamiliar. No sneer of command, no loathsome dominance. It was still an unpleasant voice, but it now sounded…respectful? Obedient?

Roxas was steered into the room, and the door shut.

"Welcome, Roxie. Saïx has told me about you."

_White…silver-white hair…_

"If you live up to my expectations, I'll allow you to become my new toy."

_Yellow eyes…like evil. Like a snake…_

"If not…worthless toys deserve to be destroyed."

_Closer…_

"You understand?"

A cold hand on his throat. Tightening…_I can't…breathe…_

"Answer me, you little bitch."

Roxas was horrified, terrified, dying to run. But Roxas was fading, disappearing fast. The frail voice in his mind was growing stronger, taking over… _Master? I can…belong to someone? He'll keep me? And I won't be alone? I don't want to be alone…Master…_

Blank blue eyes blinked mindlessly, innocently up at the stranger.

"Yes, Master."

Thin, cruel lips curled in a sneer.

"Good. You are mine."

-o-o-O-o-o-


	14. Chapter 14

**Very Important Author's Note:**

Oh ye heavens…I bow to the ground and grovel my apologies and regrets to everyone for how long it has been since I updated this. I am really _so extremely sorry_. I have just been so incredibly busy. But now, for at least a while, it looks like I'll have more time! *dances happily*

I also want to thank _all_ of you for your patience, and especially for doing me the kind favor of not asking when I'd be updating this fic. I'm pleased to brag on my readers with this one – I asked for patience, and you have all been just _wonderful_. I appreciate it So Much. :D

And, without giving anything away, I will say that if the ending of this chapter leaves you…ahem, unhappy…I have the next chapter almost done as well, and I plan to post that this weekend. So, DOUBLE UPDATE! As my thanks again for being so great. :hugs everybody:

And so, enjoy this one – more to come very soon!

* * *

Zexion descended the dank stairwell of his apartment with grim determination. The one morning he was working the early shift this week, why did it have to be so cold and rainy? Why couldn't it be a pleasant spring morning like yesterday? _Damn April to hell._

Despite his crabby mood this morning – a feeling that had started when he saw the rain and just got worse with every unpleasant detail, including the rank, moldy smell of this wretched stairwell – Zexion was not one to whine. He was one to square his shoulders and clench his jaw and go to work, weather be damned. And, secretly, he was fortifying himself with the lovely thought of an evening free. Of course, it was a Wednesday evening, not a weekend, but he didn't have to get up early the next day…and a certain blond had promised to come over tonight. And there was that something about the way Demyx had said it that made Zexion's heart thud heavily with the hope that his boyfriend meant to spend the night.

Just one depressing, rainy morning to get through. Then…Demyx. The tiniest smile crept over the young man's face, giving him a slightly love-struck look.

In his own private daydream, Zexion didn't notice the other person coming up the stairs. That is, he did not at first notice, but his attention was suddenly arrested when the figure on the landing below him unexpectedly slipped and crashed onto the cement steps. Shocked, his eyes took in a smallish figure, absolutely drenched, that lay unmoving now, partly on the stairs and partly on the landing. Zexion quickly sprang to life.

He hurried down a few steps to the still form, asking in a worried voice, "Hey! Are you OK?" After a pause, there was a slight moan of pain from the body. Zexion tried to help the boy – for it was apparently a thin blond boy – to rise, but his touch was recoiled from as if it had scorched the kid. Slightly shocked, Zexion looked more carefully at the huddled body.

Jeans, hoodie, and blond hair were all darkened, saturated with cold water. The boy trembled convulsively, but seemed far too weak to rise or move beyond that. As he pulled back, the hoodie's sleeve slipped up, leaving his lower arm exposed, and Zexion saw with great concern that there were broken, bleeding red welts encircling the almost-bony wrist.

"Woah…what happened to you?" He tried again to reach out to the blond kid, who again shied away.

"N-nothing! Don't touch me…" This time, however, Zexion was prepared for the evasion, and didn't let the kid escape. He cut off the cry by firmly grasping the boy's arm and interrupting in a calm and level, but firm, voice.

"Hey! Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Do you live here? I can help you to your room."

A thin face was finally lifted to his, distress and confusion filling the slightly-sunken features. The eyes, however, were the worst. They were so wide they seemed impossibly large, and the ocean-blue depths seemed…empty. Stunned, Zexion could only wonder what on earth had happened to this poor kid.

"I'm…I…"

"Shh. Listen. Calm down OK? Come on, hold on to me. There we go." The involuntary grasp the boy had suddenly made at Zexion's arms was too tight, but the man didn't want to recoil. Instead, he slowly lifted, helping the boy to his feet. The kid could barely stand.

"Come on. Show me which apartment you live in." Zexion encouragingly started to help the boy up the stairs. Gradually, the blond seemed to understand, and he complied, trying hard to struggle up the last steps. Fortunately, it was only another flight up to the next landing – the fourth floor – before the trembling voice spoke, with a little more sanity now.

"Here. This…this way." Zexion compliantly turned down the hall, still supporting the kid, who occasionally stumbled, even though his own legs weren't carrying very much of his weight.

"What the hell happened to you, kid?" Zexion's question was quiet as they walked.

"…Roxie. And…nothing." Zexion was on the verge of questioning this "Roxie" again, when the kid halted, interrupting. "Here it is…my place."

Zexion continued to support the thin frame while Roxie unlocked the door. He noticed, in the process, the room number, and hummed thoughtfully.

"13? You're directly below me. I'm in 13 on the 5th floor." He moved to help the kid in, but was stopped.

"Thanks…thanks for the help, but I'm fine here. Sorry to trouble you." The unsteady voice pushed him away, while the trembling body pulled itself free of his grasp. The door was already shutting.

"Not a problem…hey! If you…need anything, come and get me, OK? I know neighbors aren't much in this place, but still. You know where to find me."

Roxie paused, then the blond head nodded. "Thanks." The door was quietly shut.

Zexion turned away, returning to the stairwell. It wasn't his business, of course…but now he was really rather worried about that kid. Still…

"Damnit, I gotta get to work." Even more reluctantly than before, Zexion walked out into the rainy spring morning, hiding under his umbrella as he made his way to work.

-o-o-O-o-o-

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Bee-__**bang!**_ Axel's hand slammed relentlessly down on his alarm clock, silencing the goddamned thing in an instant. He groaned heavily, tiredly rolling over and struggling to open one gritty eye. Before he could, however, the sound of drumming rain reached his ears. A hazy glance confirmed it – it was a miserable, rainy Wednesday morning. Exactly the kind of day for staying home from work and sleeping.

Not at _all_ the kind of day for field work first thing. As he struggled reluctantly to free himself from a tangle of bed sheets, bitter curses fell from Axel's mouth. He cursed the rain, the morning of traveling around and interviewing, the sheets that would _not_ unwrap from around his legs, the fact that it was Wednesday, the whole miserable week, and…himself.

He had been quietly directing a lot of foul language at himself this week, ever since letting Roxas out of his sight for _five fucking minutes _on Sunday. However, he hadn't allowed himself to think about the reason too much. He didn't want to remember…didn't want to think about that night, or how it still hurt so badly to think of Roxas using him…

So he cussed at himself for anything and everything else. And, when his futile struggle with the hopelessly tangled sheets ended with him tumbling onto the floor with a _thud_, he released a new stream of profanity, directed at anything and everything within sight.

It was going to be another rotten day at work.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Consciousness came much more slowly to a young blond boy, halfway across town, in a wretched hovel of an apartment building. It started with an itch. Slowly, his drifting mind focused on the itch, trying to locate it and understand it. The itch responded by spreading, making it easier to locate – it now covered half his face. Along with this realization came the beginnings of scent – which gradually developed into something decidedly unpleasant. It was a dank, dirty, musty scent, tainted with cigarettes that had been smoked decades ago, and some obscure tangy flavors that suggested the foul results of living bodies.

At last, as eyelids slowly parted, sight came to Roxas. Not long behind that came comprehension – he lay face down on what appeared to be his own floor, half his face pressed into his disgusting old carpet.

Weakly, he began to lift himself into a painful sitting position, wincing and moving cautiously, discovering with each motion a new tiny agony. Memory was slowly arriving, following lazily behind consciousness. He struggled to make sense of the images and impressions, and was soon sorry he had bothered.

He finally remembered everything. The past two days in that hotel room…no. Blackness slammed over that thought. He wasn't ready to remember that. Then…let free in the early morning, before daylight. Shoved out into the rain. Walking home for what seemed like hours, all the way across town, his body barely able to move. Finally reaching the apartment building, trying to climb the stairs but having no strength left. Falling…someone helping him…kind voice, strong arms, slate hair…then his own room. There, Roxas could only guess that he had collapsed.

How long had he been here? The kitchen clock read sometime after 7…am or pm? And what day? Then he remembered. Cell phone. He flipped it open and checked the date and time. After 7, Wednesday night. It was still Wednesday.

Cell phone. He froze a moment, then his hand involuntarily jerked back, dropping the shining new device onto the dingy carpet. Roxas had never had a cell phone. He had the decade-old phone on his wall – that was it. A memory he didn't want forced its way into his mind.

"_We're done here for now." A clink as the handcuffs fell off, and then darkness, as his own rumpled clothes were gathered up from somewhere and thrown in his face. He hurried to dress himself, understanding that it was expected of him now. It was an unspoken command…and he had learned to hear and obey those already._

"_Take this." A shining silver device was thrust in his face. "Always have it on, and with you. When I want you, you will get directions through this. Never fail to obey them."_

_A dark threat hung in the voice. Roxas accepted the cell phone and nodded submissively. Thin lips smirked, and a rough hand stroked over his jaw line._

"_Time for you to go now. How do you say goodbye?"_

_Instantly, automatically, his knees hit the soft, rich hotel carpet. Ignoring the screaming protests of his body, he bent down fully and pressed his lips to the feet in front of him, his fingers wrapping around the ankles as if treasuring them. _

"_Please stay with me, Master," he recited, his voice a begging whine. _

"_No. You must wait until next time." It was the same rehearsed response. _

"_Yes, Master. I love you, Master."_

The unwelcome memory sent a convulsive shudder through Roxas' tired, sore body. Blocking out anything else, he tottered straight for the shower.

The hot water felt good on his tired muscles, but it burned the places where the skin was broken. His raw wrists throbbed, remembering handcuffs. A few other places hurt too, but Roxas ignored them and soaked himself in warmth until his uncontrollable shivering finally died down. He had lain on his floor in wet clothes all day. The boy was already sure he felt a cold coming on.

When his shower was done, Roxas automatically resumed his beauty rituals. He didn't even need to be told to – he knew what his new Master's expectations were.

Finally emerging from the bathroom and gathering clean jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt from his closet, Roxas wanted only to lie down somewhere warm and hope he wasn't really getting sick. Unfortunately, he was hungry, and there truly was nothing edible in his apartment now. Sighing, he reached for his wallet and counted his money. All he had was what his last client, Saïx, had paid him a few days ago.

He no longer cared about whether he had enough money. He strongly suspected that his survival was no longer his financial responsibility – it was understood that, as a "pet" of a man with money, it would be the master's job to keep his toy alive. He walked to the nearby strip mall and grocery store before it could close and bought everything he could possibly think of needing. Some nice food, a whole assortment of cold medicines, herbal tea, orange juice, chicken soup, even a heated blanket, a bathrobe, and fuzzy slippers. When he finally reached home again, exhausted, he collapsed onto his broken old couch for a while before he felt strong enough to unpack everything.

It was dark out, and the rain still drizzled outside his window, as Roxas tucked himself into bed, bundled up with his hot tea and decongestants. His aching body was finally able to relax, and he felt warm and better than he had in days.

If only his mind and heart had been so calm and comforted.

_What are you unhappy about? He'll take care of me. I'm not alone. _ The soft voice in his mind seemed to whisper an objection to the misery in his heart.

_I don't want to be that man's sex slave. _

_Then how will you live? You can't work anymore…you have no job and nowhere to go. You __**need**__ this master. _

_But I want…_

_**He**__ will not take you back now. He hates you…he saw another man's marks on you. He knows how dirty you are._

A sob caught in Roxas' throat. There was a stinging behind his eyelids that soon developed into damp lashes, and then slow, wet tracks running down his cheeks and dripping, unheeded, from his chin.

_He thinks you're disgusting. _

_Even so…_

_**I**__ will obey this master. We have no choice._

…_I love him._

-o-o-O-o-o-

Friday was the most beautiful April day imaginable. Sun sparkled from a bright blue sky, and the air was fresh and warm and perfect, with just the slightest breeze.

Roxas emerged from his less-stinky-than-usual apartment into the bright air dressed entirely in black.

A somewhat long walk through the golden afternoon brought him to his unaccustomed destination – the city cemetery. He entered through the wrought-iron gate and made his way along the path, eyes lingering on the stones – some old and worn and nearly unreadable, some new and glossy marble, almost all standing in front of a little grassy mound that was covered in new spring green.

Naminé's funeral was today. Roxas was grateful that it had not been before this. Setting aside his indisposed state for the first part of the week, yesterday he had been in almost as bad a condition, having come down with a 24-hour flu. He had spent the day in bed, and even now didn't feel completely well.

At the gravesite, Roxas was surprised to see a couple of the nurses from the hospital gathered. He had not expected anyone else to come. Nurse Aerith stepped forward from the group, meeting Roxas and, without hesitating, wrapping him up in a comforting hug. Surprised, the blond merely waited a moment, before tentatively wrapping his arms around the kind woman in return.

At last, Aerith drew back and looked kindly at Roxas. "Everyone wanted to come, dear, but we were the only ones who could get off work. We're all very sorry about Naminé." The other nurses stepped forward, agreeing. Roxas was unable, for a moment, to reply.

"Thank you," he finally choked out. "Thank you all for coming…it means a lot."

In their warm company, Roxas felt relieved. A short while later, the funeral director and other personnel arrived, and the funeral proceeded. As Roxas listened to the stranger speak over his sister's grave, he felt empty again, disconnected…for a moment he almost laughed at how strange it was for him to be standing here, in this field under the sun, with a small group of complete strangers. There was no one he knew here, no one he loved. The one in the coffin…wasn't his sister anymore. He was alone. No one called him out to this small field in the center of this large city, and he suddenly felt that he had no reason to stay.

Fortunately, the service was wrapping up. Roxas, on cue, tossed the flower he held into the grave, and as the nurses were following suit, he felt a strange sensation. A vibration in his pocket. The cell phone.

Pulling it out, he saw there was a message. An icy chill crept over his skin and settled there, as Roxas said his farewells to the nurses and thanked them again for coming. As the undertakers finished their work and prepared to go, Roxas stood off to the side and flipped the phone open, finally viewing the message.

"Come. Taxi waiting at entrance."

He no longer felt the warm sunshine. There was no more gentle breeze. He stood, still as one of the many stone monuments, as the frail voice began to speak within him.

_He summoned me…he wants me. Wants me to come. I have to go to my Master._

And Roxas…almost agreed. He was being called to a place where someone who knew him waited. Where he would have a reason to go, and a reason to remain. And, for one brief, certain moment, Roxas knew that he would rather have company in darkness and pain than be alone in the beautiful sunshine.

He turned back and saw he was alone. He moved to pass the grave and leave…but hesitated there. He hadn't said anything to her…yet now, he couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was a complete blank, no matter how he struggled for some parting words to his sister. Finally, he gave up. With a halfhearted promise to himself to return another time and say farewell properly, he followed the path toward the gate.

A figure coming along the path toward him stopped him in his tracks as he neared the entrance.

"Sorry I'm late."

The deep, familiar voice reached him…the sight of the tall redhead reached him…even the faintest whiff of the man's scent was carried to him on the breeze…yet his heart felt so far, so impossibly far away and untouched. Untouchable.

He stared at Axel blankly. A small part of his mind reflected that the man looked like hell. Heavy bags under his eyes showed his lack of sleep. He looked weary, haggard. Still, Roxas mused detachedly, he looked incredibly attractive in a solid black suit. He was a million miles away…and yet, as his eyes lingered on the redhead's uncertain, rueful expression, a twist of pain managed to shoot through Roxas' heart.

"Axel."

The man shuffled a bit closer. "How have you been this week, Roxas?"

_This week? _ The boy stiffened. This week was something he didn't want to tell Axel about. Glancing away, he saw the taxi waiting.

"I've been…um, busy. I, um, have to go now. Someone's waiting." With that, he tried to hurry around the tall man, who unfortunately turned and followed him.

"Someone? Who is that? Someone taking care of you?"

"Someone is…yes. Um, thank you for coming, I have to go, he's waiting." Roxas tried to increase the distance, but Axel's legs were far longer.

The man seemed to detect something in Roxas' tone that made him bristle. "He? Who is he? And why is he taking care of you?"

Roxas felt almost panicked in his desire to escape this conversation. "He's nobody…nobody you know. It's nothing to do with you anyway. It's…none of your business!" With that, he tried to get away from Axel, but was suddenly stopped by the grip of powerful hands on his shoulders. He was spun around to stare in surprise into green eyes that burned with anger, even through their obvious weariness and uncertainty.

For a long moment, Roxas held his breath as Axel's eyes searched his own. Just as he was sure he couldn't take the tension any longer, the taller man finally spoke.

"I guess you're right…I guess it's none of my business. But, Roxas…I…" Axel paused again, and the tension and anger seemed to sink into the confusion. And there was pain in those beautiful eyes, and pain and desperation mirrored in the blue eyes that couldn't break away.

_Claim me. Tell me to come back. Tell me to be yours. Tell me I'm not allowed to go to anyone else…make me your plaything, your prisoner, anything!_

The hands that held his shoulders painfully tight slackened and released him. The burning green eyes looked away, slanted sideways and fixed themselves on the grass. The voice that spoke was low, but audibly tainted with bitterness…even sarcasm.

"You're right. Sorry for intruding in your private life."

The world seemed to shatter along with all Roxas' hopes, leaving him to mechanically resume his walk to the taxi. As he walked away from Axel, he heard the quiet voice say one more thing.

"Take care, Roxas."

-o-o-O-o-o-

The taxi driver, paid in advance, delivered Roxas to another fancy hotel without complaint. The front desk handed him a waiting key at the mention of the name "Roxie." The valet led the silent, obedient guest to the room and left him there. The only irregularity in the smooth flow of well-planned motion was the short, unplanned pause that the blond guest took before opening the waiting door.

Roxas stood for a moment, his fingertips resting lightly against the doorframe, his head bent slightly forward as he hesitated. The confusion, the disagreement between his mind and heart, held him for that moment, until one thought, one certain feeling set him in motion again.

_Axel is gone._

With the feeling of painful certainty that the redhead was no longer a part of his life, Roxas opened the door.

The room, to his slight surprise, was empty. However, the flawless plan was still operating smoothly, as the blond discovered. Entering the room, he found a camera set up, pointed at the bed, and a note.

_Get in front of the camera and strip. Jerk yourself off until I get there. Use this._

Next to the note lay a disturbingly large plastic vibrator.

The camera, Roxas noticed, was already on and running…it appeared to be hooked up to a live feed, probably for his master to watch from wherever he was. A wave of revulsion attempted to wash over Roxas…and was put firmly down by the iron will of Roxie.

Roxie picked up the vibrator and carried it with him in front of the camera, laying it within reach on the bed. Facing the cold glass lens, he spoke in a subservient voice.

"I'm here, Master." Pale but steady fingers slipped up to the first button on his shirt.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Beside a fresh grave, with the golden spring sun warming the back of his black shirt, a tall man stood alone. He stared at the inscription – the name of a girl he had never met. The name he had once heard sobbed again and again. He stood, and struggled to find something to say. But his mind, like that of the last person to look upon this grave, was a complete blank.

He had meant to come and explain. He had meant to introduce himself…the thought made his face twist in an ironic smirk now. How ridiculous. How should he introduce himself to this grave? "I'm in love with your brother and I want to take care of him" no longer seemed right. He smiled bitterly.

_Maybe "I'm in love with your brother but it doesn't matter anymore, because he doesn't want anything to do with me and he's off selling himself to some creep again" would be better. And who would say that to a dead girl anyway?_

Finding nothing better with which to address the young girl's grave, Axel silently bowed his head, rubbing his brows in frustration and misery. Another moment later, he abruptly turned away, occupying himself with walking swiftly back to his car, focusing all his attention on the path ahead, rather than the lump in his throat and the stinging behind his eyes.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:**

Promise kept! Posting again! And…well, in the process of finishing this chapter, it got really far too long…like, double long…so I snapped it in half and the next chapter after this is now almost done too! Expect it in the next couple days…if you can believe that! XD

* * *

On the evening of June 6, Zexion opened the door of his apartment to his beaming boyfriend, and was promptly overwhelmed as the sandy-blond scooped him into a crushing hug with an exuberant cry of, "Happy birthday, Zexy!"

Struggling to keep his feet, the birthday boy choked out, "Dem-Demyx…thanks, but…let-let go…" His grinning lover did, but not before planting a solid kiss on Zexion's cheek.

"OK, first things first." As Zexion closed the door, Demyx briskly entered the tiny apartment and headed for the kitchenette, where he set down the bags he was carrying. "As promised, I'm making you dinner. After dinner…presents." The sweet expression he directed at his lover was only slightly belied by a naughty wink. Zexion smiled and shook his head slightly, gazing back at his adorable boyfriend.

_Honestly. _He thought as he entered the apartment and prepared to bother Demyx by trying to "help" with his own birthday dinner. _Don't you know the sight of you is more than enough?_

As expected, Demyx would not hear of Zexion helping to cook on his birthday, and the owner of the kitchen was banished to the sofa to watch TV and wait, not daring to look behind him once Demyx started setting the table. Numerous commands of, "Don't you dare turn around," warned him to keep his eyes firmly on the screen.

When at last Demyx declared that dinner was served and led Zexion to the table, the blue-haired man could only smile at the sight of carefully laid out cloth napkins, a tablecloth, candles, and wine.

"You…this is just too much, Demyx," Zexion murmured in a pleased tone.

"Not even close," the delighted young man replied, hugging his lover close to whisper in his ear. "Wait til it's time for presents." The light blush he noticed on Zexion's cheeks made Demyx feel terribly happy. All he ever wanted was to make his boyfriend feel special and loved, knowing that it was slowly but surely healing his heart and making him stronger after the tough hand life had dealt him. And every small success – every time Demyx could see Zexion happy like this – was one more victory in the game of Demyx versus Zexion's Bad Luck.

Tonight was already shaping up to be a fantastic success, as Zexion and Demyx held hands all through dinner.

Afterwards, Zexion was again banished from his own kitchen as Demyx forbade him to help with the dishes. This time, however, since he insisted on doing _something_ useful, rather than just watching TV, Zexion – after checking with Demyx that it didn't interfere with his plans – set to work dragging the couch over to the window. It was a lightweight, crummy old sofa, and Zexion easily planted it in front of a wide-open window, in a perfect spot to catch the warm night air of early summer.

Thus, once the kitchen was returned to its usual spotless condition, Zexion was joined on the couch by Demyx – Demyx carrying a large shopping bag, rather.

"OK, what's this then?" Zexion gave Demyx a You-better-not-have-spent-too-much-on-me Look as the sandy-haired young man settled himself comfortably close to his lover.

"Patience, patience…one thing at a time," Demyx beamed back, winding his arms around Zexion's thin shoulders. "I have to explain your presents first."

Zexion rolled his eyes slightly. "If you say so…" He signed indulgently at his boyfriend. Demyx just grinned back.

"OK, so there are three parts. And each one is for a different aspect of you that I love. The first part is in this bag, and it's for my wonderfully brilliant intellectual Zexion." He handed the bag to the slightly embarrassed-looking man. "Happy birthday," Demyx finished with another grin.

Zexion dutifully reached into the bag and withdrew a large, wrapped package that was evidently a bit heavy. Glancing at Demyx questioningly, but not asking any questions, he proceeded to unwrap the package, revealing four beautifully bound books.

"_Musashi_…_Taiko_…_The Heike Story_…_Fragments of a Past_…Demyx, these are the four translated novels of Eiji Yoshikawa." He looked in amazement at his boyfriend who, for his part, was barely containing his excitement. "How in _hell_ did you know…?"

"That he's your favorite author?" Demyx couldn't resist pouncing on his boyfriend with a tight squeeze. "I remembered from college. I used to see you reading these in the library a lot, and you told me a little about him one time when I asked. And I knew you didn't have these because I searched your bookshelf last week!" Zexion gazed in wonder at the triumphant, happy expression on Demyx's face. Gently laying the beloved books on his lap, he bent forward, pulling the blond closer and crushing their mouths together without a word.

It was a few minutes before the two young men parted, both panting slightly, their eyes glowing at each other. "Thank you." Zexion whispered, drawing a finger down his lover's smooth cheek.

"Hey now," Demyx chuckled breathily, "slow down. We can't skip straight to part three. Part two comes first."

Zexion paused, then asked, with a glint in his eyes, "What's part three?"

"Oh, no you don't," Demyx answered with a quick peck at Zexion's lips. "Not telling."

"Oh?" Zexion smirked slightly, then ran his finger lower – down Demyx's neck and over his collarbone – and began to trace over his narrow chest. "Is it something I'm going to…like?" He pressed lightly at Demyx's t-shirt on the last word, right over the familiar spot of Demyx's nipple.

Demyx bit his lip slightly, but remained elusive. "Mmm…let's just say…I'll have to change a bit, but I'm already wearing part of it…and it's a gift for my sexy lover's naughty side…and his inner cat-lover, combined."

Zexion's one visible eye was wide and shining as he paused, staring at Demyx for a moment before attacking the sweet lips of his boyfriend again. Demyx happily complied for a moment, but when Zexion started to deepen the kiss, he pushed back, freeing himself.

"Now, now, not yet I said. Later! Part two first!"

Zexion, however, was insistent. Moving his assault to Demyx's throat, he muttered huskily, "Don't need anything else…this is more than enough…"

It took some effort from Demyx to disentangle himself from his lover's embrace, but he managed. When he was released, Demyx got up, telling Zexion to "stay put for a minute, I'll be right back." He then disappeared into the bedroom.

Zexion resisted the urge to groan at the delay, and instead turned his gaze to the beautiful books. His fingers traced over their bindings lovingly, before he set them carefully aside – wouldn't want to ruin them accidentally when it came time for Gift Three.

Demyx soon reappeared, carrying, of all things, his second guitar, the one that he had left at Zexion's place for musical "emergencies." The blond settled himself on the couch again and carefully tuned the instrument. Zexion watched him, curious.

"Dem, um, what's…?"

Demyx glanced up, ready. "Part two is for your romantic side, which you would probably ignore or call 'mushy' most of the time, and which I love just as much as the rest of you. And it has to come before part three, because my heart was yours first, _then _my body." He winked. Zexion stared…and blushed. Demyx smiled quietly, then turned his attention to his guitar and began plucking out a quiet tune that Zexion had never heard before. Demyx played quietly for a minute, before speaking softly, as if to an audience.

"I wrote this little song for my lover, Zexion. _That's you_. (This added in a whisper.) It's about…how we met." With that, he began to sing softly along with the gentle tune.

_Well you sat in the cafeteria picking_

_Raisins from your rice pudding_

_And I thought to myself, "Perhaps_

_Being his friend would be a good thing."_

_I didn't know then, _

_No, I didn't know then,_

_How soon it all would change._

_If you'd told me then,_

_Yeah just about then,_

_I've have thought it was very strange…_

'_Cause I never would have thought I'd fall in love,_

_I wouldn't have believed _

_That a love like this could be._

_No, I never would have thought I'd fall in love, _

_Or that you, Zexion,_

_Would be the only one for me._

_I fell in love in the library._

_Well I followed you around for _

_Probably two years or more,_

_And I'd always look to see you_

_When I walked by the bookstore._

_Then it happened one day, _

_On a cold, snowy day,_

_I waited at the library for you _(as usual)

_You arrived cold and froze,_

_With snow stuck to your nose,_

_And I knew this love was true…_

'_Cause I never would have thought I'd fall in love,_

_I wouldn't have believed _

_That a love like this could be._

_No, I never would have thought I'd fall in love, _

_Or that you, Zexion,_

_Would be the only one for me._

_I fell in love in the library._

_Well it took a long time_

'_Til I could call you mine,_

_But I wouldn't change a thing._

'_Cause Zexion I love you_

_I love you, love you, love you,_

_And that is why I sing…_

_Oh, I never would have thought I'd fall in love,_

_No, I wouldn't have believed _

_That a love like this could be._

_I never would have thought I'd fall in love, _

_Or that you, Zexion,_

_Would be the only one for me._

_I fell in love in the library._

With a gentle strum, the song ended. Demyx silently laid the guitar aside, as Zexion stared at him in awe. Unable to find words for a moment, he reached out, pulling the blond close. Demyx half-lay against him as Zexion held him, fighting a slight stinging behind his eyes and swallowing once or twice.

Finally, when he felt he could trust his voice, the man spoke. "I had…no idea. I think I remember that but…I didn't know…I mean, that you felt that way…then."

"Hmmm," Demyx hummed contentedly against his lover's chest. "That was the moment I realized I loved you. You looked so cute, and then you brushed the snow off with this impatient look…and I just knew."

Relaxed and infinitely happy, holding his warm lover close, Zexion smiled. "I…for me, it was later."

Demyx leaned his head back to look up at him. "What was later?"

"When I…knew I loved you."

Demyx blinked. "When was that? It wasn't…while we were still in college, was it?"

"Yeah…it was." Zexion could feel himself blushing again. He had never told Demyx about this, and wasn't sure he knew how…

And then he saw his boyfriend's face – eyes wide and hope-filled, his expression one of wonder and just a little disbelief – and Zexion melted. Summoning his courage, he just started talking.

"It was later. I think it was later, anyway. That…um, that time you said about…that was junior year I think, when we had that bad snow…For me, it wasn't until senior year. I mean, until I realized it. I think it started in the fall, but it just kinda took a long time sinking in, and by the time I noticed it – it was in early spring, I think – it was like it had always been that way. And then one day, we were walking…and you saw this worm on the pavement, and you hated worms, I knew that already…but you got this little twig and picked the thing up and put it over in the soft dirt. Because you didn't want it to die. And you were really grossed out the entire time, and kinda scared of it, but you still had to 'save' it. And I watched you, and at first I thought you were such an idiot, but the way I felt when I thought it…I was happy…and then it hit me. And I knew I lo-loved you."

Zexion's face was crimson by this time, but the fading light concealed most of the burning blush. Unfortunately, Demyx knew his boyfriend well enough to be able to tell easily from his voice that he was blushing, without needing to see the scarlet cheeks to prove it. He didn't mind in the least, however.

"You really loved me then? Then…why did you push me away?"

"I was…scared I guess. You confessed to me, and I was just so happy, I had no idea what to do, and it scared me how much I cared about you…and then you kissed me. And I just felt so wonderful, but so strange at the same time…I wanted you, completely and totally, and I felt like I'd never let you go…and I panicked a little, I guess. I reacted without thinking…and then, I only meant to take some time to think. But then…well, you know. Things happened. And I didn't feel like I could ever deserve you after that."

Zexion tentatively met his lover's eyes. Demyx was just staring at him, sympathy and tenderness shining from his face. Wordlessly, they twisted to face one another, wrapping their arms around each other's forms in a tight embrace.

Demyx's voice was a whisper in Zexion's ear. "The only one who deserves me is the one who makes me as happy as I am now…you."

Relaxing with a sigh, Zexion replied out of the warm feeling of love that seemed to completely overflow his heart.

"Yes."

They stayed like that for many minutes, not needing to speak or move or do anything else but cherish each other's closeness and warmth. Zexion's eyes were shut, bliss filling and overfilling his whole being, as he counted his lover's heartbeats against his own chest and breathed in the sweet, familiar scent of Demyx.

When Zexion at last opened his eyes, the thought of Present Number Three just beginning to sneak into the edges of his consciousness, movement outside the window momentarily distracted him. His eyes slid sideways to the street below as he continued to hold Demyx close. A car door had just slammed across the street. Zexion's dark eyes gazed absently down, until a figure crossing the street passed under the glow of a nearby streetlight.

All it took was that momentary glimpse. A flash of white, a stern stride and a certain powerful bearing, only visible for half a breath. White. Long, white hair.

Zexion froze.

Demyx sensed it immediately, even before his boyfriend started trembling uncontrollably.

"Zexion? What's the matter?" He pulled back, sudden deep concern in his face. Zexion's eyes were fixed out the window, his hands clutching Demyx's shirt…hard. It was a long moment before Zexion could force his voice out through his fear.

"It's him."

"Who?" Demyx was only growing more worried by the second.

"He found me. How? Oh God! What does he want?" Frenzy was rising in Zexion's tense voice. Demyx was almost panicking faster, seeing the effect on his lover. He gripped Zexion's arms, shaking him and forcing their eyes to meet.

"Zexion! Snap out of it! What's wrong?"

"Xemnas."

The single word brought Demyx to a frozen halt as well. He paused, trying to absorb this simple, profound terror. When he finally spoke, his voice could only croak from his dry throat.

"What about him? Did you see him? Where?"

Zexion's panic had caused an eerie change in his behavior. Rather than tense and terrified-looking, the slate-haired man suddenly went limp, slumping down into the couch. His eyes were fixed and glassy, and his voice had become a mild, gentle murmur, as if he were speaking to a little child.

"I thought he gave up on me…of course not. _He_ would never give up. He's coming for me…what should I do, he's coming for me…he's coming, he's coming, coming for me…"

"Stop it!" Demyx cried in a panic. He gripped his lover's face and wrenched it up, forcing their eyes to meet. By sheer willpower, he steadied his voice and gaze.

"He won't touch you." Demyx's aqua eyes were hard and determined, an expression Zexion had hardly ever seen. It startled him enough to bring him back to his senses, though not enough to drive the fear away.

"He's not going to get near you," Demyx continued. "I'm here, and I will protect you with everything that I am."

Wordlessly, and shaking like a leaf, Zexion clung to Demyx. His mind kept echoing the same frightened mantra – _He's coming for me, coming for me, coming_ – while memories flooded him. Xemnas' sneer, his voice as he threatened Zexion, blackmailed him. His touch – he hadn't told Demyx about it, not wanting to upset his boyfriend even more – the roaming touch of those hard, possessing hands as that oily voice explained to Zexion the impossibility of escape from him.

The memory of that touch and another one filled his mind. It was true that he had been drugged and never remembered the act that was videotaped for his blackmail…never remembered consciously, that is. In his worst nightmares, he knew he was reliving every agonized moment of that rape. His body shuddered with knowledge and terror that his mind couldn't quite encompass. His mind could only chant fears. And Zexion…pulled away from Demyx, and stumbled toward the door.

His lover protested, but he didn't hear it. It was as if he could count Xemnas' tread on the stairs – his heartbeat thudded with each footfall he was _sure_ he could hear clearly. He waited, huddled by the door, not sure what he was hoping. Perhaps he only wanted to hear as those footsteps approached. Some way of counting off, so that the pounding knock on his door would terrify him less when it came.

Demyx, incapable of drawing his boyfriend away, joined him there, wrapping his arms around trembling shoulders and waiting. Waiting for the footfalls to approach.

A long minute passed. The two young men remained frozen, barely breathing.

_BANG!_

The sudden sound made both of them jump, startled. They had heard no footsteps. Zexion felt panic almost flood him again for a moment. But then, a realization began to sink in.

The sound had been muffled, close and yet distant at the same time. It most certainly had _not_ been a knock on Zexion's door.

_Bang!_ The repeated sound brought full understanding. Where they crouched, they could hear it clearly – it was the door right below them that was suffering the heavy blows.

For a moment, Zexion still wasn't sure…it could be someone else knocking, surely Xemnas was still coming to get him…

And then a voice followed a third crashing knock below them.

"Open up, you little shit! Don't you _dare_ pretend you're not here!"

He remembered the voice all too well…and the blood-chilling threat in the tone. But it wasn't his door, it wasn't him…

Zexion collapsed, his breath coming out in a gasp. As the grip of terror released him, he panted heavily, struggling for breath as his erratic heartbeat attempted to even out.

"Zexion…" His boyfriend began, but now there were more sounds, more voices, and all of a sudden Zexion had remembered something that made him horribly curious to know what was going on below them.

_That kid. That blond kid who was so beat up…was it a month ago? More? What was his name…he lived right below me! Is he still there? Is it…him?_

"Shh!" Zexion silenced Demyx, then crawled sideways a bit. There was a vent in the floor to the side of the entryway, and sounds from below drifted faintly but clearly up through it.

The door must have opened silently…but it was slammed shut again. There was a _thud_ against the wall, and a weak cry of protest.

"You." Xemnas' voice had lowered to an icy threat. "How _dare_ you not answer your phone? How _dare_ you not come when I call you, you worthless little _slut_?"

"Master…sorry…" The voice was strangled, choked, gasping. "Master…forgive…forgive me…but please…not today. Yesterday…and the day before…so rough…my body…_ahh! Hurts! _Master, hurts, it hurts, please don't, please…stop…"

Another loud thud resounded through the walls…a body slammed up against it. "You dare to tell _me_ to stop? _You?_ You _trash!_ You have no rights; I _own_ you! Who do you think has paid for your living expenses for the past month? Who do you think keeps your filthy, worthless little ass _alive?_"

The reply was a terrified whimper. "Master does…I'm sorry Master…sorry…" Tears – or perhaps a clenching fist, or both – choked off any other reply.

There was quiet for a long, horrible moment. Then a slight sound that made no sense until Zexion heard a crash further into the apartment below. A cry of pain accompanied this – the boy had been thrown against something.

Further away, it was harder and harder to hear, especially as the sounds retreated to what would be the bedroom, assuming the layout below was identical to that above. Zexion could only hear snatches, around the pained, frightened cries.

"…made me come all this way…_better_ be sorry…in this filthy little hole…"

Then he couldn't distinguish any more.

What he could hear – and what became clearer in the following minutes as the volume from the room below rose louder, but remained lacking in distinguishable words – told Zexion all he needed to know. Whatever relationship those two had, the act that was being committed in his hearing was _not_ consensual.

"That's that kid…I know that kid, I met him once." Demyx's confused eyes locked with Zexion's horrified ones.

"What kid? Who did you meet? Zexy, what's going _on_?"

Zexion took a deep breath, trying to calm himself in spite of the rising sounds…the _screams_. "I met that kid, the one who lives below me…it was a little while ago, he was all beat up. And now _he's _the one Xemnas came for, _he's his new toy, Demyx_, and he's getting _raped_. Right. Now."

Demyx's eyes were wide with horror. "Shit…"

"What are we gonna do? Nobody will give a shit in this hellhole, even if they hear _that_…poor kid…Roxie…yeah, it was Roxie…"

"Wait, what?" Demyx had blinked hard, seeming startled at the mention of the name. "What did you say his name was?"

Zexion glanced at his boyfriend, puzzled. "Roxie, if I remember correctly. I think that's what he told me…"

"What did he look like?" Demyx's eyes were wide, unbelieving.

"Skinny little kid, short, pale…really blond hair, even wet (he was soaked; it was raining), and blue eyes I think…"

Demyx's hands clenched in his hair. "Roxie…Roxas…and Xemnas…this is impossible."

"What? What is it?"

Demyx took a deep breath, attempting to unclasp his hands from his hair. "I think…I know this Roxie. If he's the same one…my friend knew him…but they haven't seen each other in a while, and he wouldn't talk about it too much, so I don't really know what happened. But it seemed like the kid just disappeared." His voice had become a mumble. "One minute, he's all Axel talks about…the next…nothing. For a _month_. And now…"

Zexion didn't see how this was terribly relevant. A coincidence, maybe, but nothing compared to the urgency of doing something about the evil act being committed _in his hearing_.

"But what are we gonna _do?_ We have to do something about this!"

Demyx finally focused on his distressed boyfriend again. "We…call the cops I guess…"

"No!" Panicked hands seized the sandy-blond again. "We can't! I live right here, if Xemnas finds out…through the police or something…"

"Oh." Demyx stopped dead at the realization. "Well…we could go somewhere else and call them…my place…or Axel's, he's a bit closer, and I think he should know about this anyway."

Zexion was already grabbing his keys and dragging Demyx with him.

The two of them snuck out of the apartment complex. As they passed the fourth floor landing, both moved as rapidly and silently as possible, terrified of being caught by Xemnas. Free of the building and out of sight of its windows at last, they hurried to Axel's place.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:**

Third update in a row! Best run ever, I think. Happy Holidays. ;3

Anyway, now there will be a bit of a break, as I'll be out of town and _without internet oh noes_ for a _week_. Check the Christmas short story out, if you like, and enjoy the holidays! :D

Warnings: Xemnas. Nuf said. *shudders*

* * *

Axel stared glassily at his laptop screen, blankly contemplating the half-finished article, his mind wandering aimlessly everywhere _but_ over the subject of sanitation problems in a certain suburb of the city.

_What do I have to do tomorrow? Hmm…I'll be in the office most of the day…probably could finish this up then… I'm hungry. What do I want for a snack? Almost out of beer again…better stop at the store on the way home tomorrow…ugh, gotta get gas too…Where is it cheapest right now? …Damn article…I'm bored…_

Axel sighed, beginning to feel the slightest bit lonely as he glanced around the silent apartment. The feeling grew a bit stronger as he remembered that calling Demyx up was absolutely forbidden tonight – his friend had made that abundantly clear in his description of what he would be busy doing for the evening. It was Zexion's birthday, apparently, and Axel had heard far more than he wanted to about what his best friend was planning for the celebration. He groaned inwardly at the recollection. Now he felt even more glum, realizing with a bitter pang that Demyx was probably, at this very moment, enjoying the very best part of his evening…whereas for poor Axel, it had been so long since he'd gotten any that he was beginning to think he might have regained his virginity.

"That's not possible," he muttered to himself with a snort.

_Maybe I'm making it possible. If anyone could, it'd be me…_

Three thoughts later, Axel groaned again, louder this time. He now had "Like a Virgin" by Madonna stuck in his head.

"That does it." Axel shut his laptop and headed for his fridge to polish off the last of his beer.

Returning from the kitchen, having concluded that the best use of his evening would be to fall asleep in front of the TV, Axel jumped when he heard a sudden loud banging at his door.

Startled, he was on his way to the door when he heard, of all people, Demyx calling for him.

"Axel, open up quick!"

Yanking the door open, the redhead was even more surprised to be nearly overrun by Demyx and his boyfriend, Zexion, whom Axel had only met once or twice, briefly.

"Dem, what the hell…?" But his friend wasn't listening. He had made a beeline for the phone, grabbing it and handing it to Zexion, who immediately dialed.

Demyx then turned to Axel to breathlessly try to explain.

"Zexion's calling the police…have to report a rape before it's too late…and we need you to cover for us, so Xemnas doesn't find us…"

Axel's hands were on Demyx's shoulders, trying to steady his friend. "Hang on a second Dem! Slow down! What the hell are you talking about?"

Demyx took another deep breath, then tried to start at the beginning. "We were at Zexion's, and he saw Xemnas, the guy who ruined his life, he saw him out the window. And we thought he was coming for Zexy, but then we heard him one floor below us and it was someone else. And Axel…I'm almost a hundred percent sure it was Roxas. And then we heard what they said…and there's no doubt, Xemnas is raping him, _right now_, and if we call the police they'll do a report, including who phoned in the tip-off. And Zexion says Xemnas could find out who called it in, so we couldn't call from his apartment or mine, because Zexion says if Xemnas finds either of us he'll…do something…to get back at us. So we were hoping we could use your phone, and in the police report you could say that it wasn't even you, that somebody you never met asked to use your phone, and you thought they had a flat or something, and that way even if Xemnas finds you he won't have any reason to do anything…"

Axel was silent as Demyx explained. He had gone very still the moment he heard Roxas' name mentioned, and little that Demyx said after that had registered. He was still trying to process the part about Roxas.

"Wait. Wait…just wait a bit, Dem." Axel absently rubbed his temples as he turned back into his apartment, heading directly for the couch, where he slumped down. "You're saying that…Rox-Roxas lives in Zexion's building, and this guy that messed up Zexion's life came after Roxas and…and Roxas is getting raped by him right now." Axel's voice was far from steady as he finished his summary.

Demyx quickly agreed and then tried to continue to explain to Axel their plan for reporting Xemnas without getting found out. Zexion continued talking into the phone. Axel didn't hear a thing.

_Roxas…_

It was a name he hadn't heard mentioned in a while…not since he had politely but firmly asked Demyx to stop talking and asking about the kid. It was a name he hadn't spoken while awake in almost a month…yet it was a name that echoed in his mind every single day, and reverberated through his dreams almost every night.

The passing of time had done very little to erase the painful associations Axel had with that name.

He had tried to force himself to forget it, tried to erase the vision of blond hair and lovely blue eyes, tried _so hard_ to not see the curve of soft lips every time he closed his eyes. He had tried. He still hoped that he would succeed…one of these years. So far…well, he hadn't.

And now…now all those avoided thoughts and images came flooding into his mind. And, right behind them, came the new information that stuck out as most relevant to him.

Roxas was being raped. Now.

Axel was on his feet. There was no feigned indifference about him now – only vengeance.

"I'll kill him." Axel turned to the door with deadly purpose. Demyx, suddenly frantic again, raced after him, grabbing his friend and hauling on his arms to stop him.

"Axel, you can't! We can't let you end up in the police report too! Zexion says anyone who gets in Xemnas' way will get ruined…so you can't! You have to stick to our plan so he won't bother with you, and…"

It took a good bit of this persuasion before the message actually sank into Axel's furious mind. When Demyx finally succeeded in making his friend understand what they needed to do and why, Axel immediately agreed to the story they had planned for him.

At this point, Zexion joined them, having finished on the phone.

"OK, I gave them this address. I hope it's OK, Axel…" The redhead agreed instantly. "We'll be out of sight when they come, so you can just give them your statement and say we left, and that should keep you safe too. Sorry to drag you into this…"

Axel quickly told the man not to worry about it. Anything to help Roxas, anything to save him. Zexion continued thoughtfully. "I just can't believe his new toy is that kid…and that he'd have any connection to you, and be right there all this time…"

Axel paused again, hearing this. Slowly, he asked, "What do you mean, 'toy'?"

Zexion glanced at him. "Demyx didn't tell you? That kid must be Xemnas' current plaything…we heard him calling Xemnas 'master', as well as some references to the past month. It would seem he's been 'playing' with this kid for quite a while…"

Zexion paused at the expression on Axel's suddenly-pale face.

"Oh."

Axel said nothing else, only turned back to the couch and sat down again, slowly. Zexion and Demyx glanced at each other – Zexion confused and worried, Demyx less confused, but just as concerned.

_Master…That's who he meant. The one "taking care" of him…he's not even selling himself anymore. He's just…some bastard's plaything? And this creep, of all people…why? _

Having understood the situation, Axel was left with only one thought – that simple, unanswerable question, which kept repeating in his mind and heart, _why why why_, pounding like a ragged thorn deep into the core of his being.

He felt sick. He wanted to throw up, wanted to break something…wanted…wanted to cry. But he was vaguely aware that he was being watched, spoken to, even, and all he could do was bury his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut against the agonized feeling of grief…and loss.

He thought he had already resigned himself to losing Roxas…somehow, he had been wrong.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Two hours later, the police had gone. Axel had been forced to pull himself together, at least in appearance, to make his statement about the strangers who had showed up, asking to use his phone. Zexion had still been nervous after the police left, and Demyx thought it was probably wisest to stay away from Zexion's apartment for the evening. Accordingly, they were preparing to leave for Demyx's place instead. Before they left, however, Demyx pulled Axel aside. The redhead had been looking far from well, and Demyx was growing more and more concerned. He even wondered if he should remain with Axel for a while.

Axel snorted at the suggestion. "Forget it Dem. It's your boyfriend's birthday. Get outta here and go spend the rest of your time with him."

Demyx looked at him skeptically. "I know that but…you don't look so good. Are you really OK?"

"Good as I'm gonna be," Axel replied flatly.

"Are you…are you gonna do something about it? Now that you know…about Roxas…"

"Nope." Axel cut him off emotionlessly.

"What? Axel…Roxas is in trouble! He's being controlled by one of the worst creeps in this city! Don't you want to help him?"

"And how do you recommend I do that?" Axel turned an impassive face to his friend. "Barge in on them sometime and whisk him away, be the hero?" His green eyes hardened. "It's none of my business, Demyx. He chose this for himself."

"You don't know that…" The worried blond tried to disagree.

"Oh, but I do. He made it crystal clear the last time we spoke. He went to that guy. He doesn't want anything to do with me." Axel turned away, unable to keep his face quite as empty as his voice anymore. "So…it's got nothing to do with me." _There's nothing left to connect us anymore._

Demyx gazed with worry at his friend's back. He knew Axel, and he knew there was more to it than the redhead was letting on. He could _feel_ the man's pain, even if he couldn't see or hear it. But he also knew when a conversation with Axel was over…and Zexion was waiting.

Demyx sighed. "OK, Axel. If you say so. Still…I think you should give it one more try."

Shortly after, he left with Zexion. Axel, alone again in his apartment, ignored his laptop and TV and instead turned to his bedroom, flopping down, clothed, on his bed. He didn't care enough to change…he just wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget, bring this wretched night to an end.

_Try again…I can't. Even if…if I knew for __**sure**__ he wouldn't betray me again…there's no more chances. It's over. I'll never see him again._

Exhausted and unhappy, Axel fell asleep.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Roxas was slowly regaining consciousness, but he avoided opening his eyes for as long as possible. He sensed his Master's presence, and knew he was more or less safe as long as he remained asleep, so he held still, and hoped for the peace to last.

However, his body soon betrayed him. He had been left on the bed, naked, and his Master never bothered to cover him with so much as a sheet. The hotel air conditioner, according to Xemnas' preference, was blasting cold air, and Roxas soon couldn't conceal a shiver. Immediately, he began to "wake up." Xemnas would have noticed that, and he had been badly punished the one time he had been caught pretending to be asleep to avoid his Master's embrace.

Slowly prying open his eyes, which had been all but swollen shut by tears – Xemnas _loved_ to see his toy weeping as he was taken hard – Roxas glanced around the luxurious hotel room. He quickly spotted his Master, reclining in a large chair, wrapped in a dressing gown and reading some kind of file. He barely took notice of Roxas for several minutes, while he finished flipping through the pages, scanning them and growing increasingly discontent. Roxas shuddered to see the crease between his brows appear and deepen – it only ever meant trouble for the blond.

Finally Xemnas tossed aside the file with a growl, and turned his gaze to his toy, who was attempting to ward the chill off his damp body with a sheet.

"Who said you could cover yourself?" The white-haired man snarled. Roxas quickly threw the sheet off again, leaving his body exposed to the man's view.

"Sorry, Master." No excuses about the cold; no hesitation. "Forgive me." Roxas had learned long ago which responses were safe and which were not.

The man shot him a contempt-filled look and rose, turning to the large bathroom.

"I'm having a bath. Come in and scrub my back…as soon as you can stand." Roxas heard the cruel smirk as his Master walked away, leaving the room without waiting for a reply.

Roxas tried carefully to move…and bit back a moan of pain. Standing…was going to be a challenge. And he knew he couldn't take too long about it either. He sighed. This was one of his least favorite parts – Xemnas' after-sex bath. It was usually all Roxas could do to follow the man into the bathroom and attend to him in the enormous tub. And then Xemnas would always make it worse by attacking him again, and sex on the cold tile floor was miserable…even if it wasn't coming after being fucked so hard he blacked out.

A wave of misery washed over the boy, tempting him with the thought of a good cry, before he put it aside firmly and forced his body into motion.

It took a little time before Roxas could stand, and when he finally managed it, he felt entitled to a moment's rest before trying to walk. The file Xemnas had been reading lay in sight, and his eyes read the cover: "Police Report, June 6."

Roxas knew right away what it was…he had suspected that Xemnas would not let that incident go without trying to find out who was to blame for interrupting his fun the night he had raped Roxas in the boy's apartment. Of course, he had gotten away with the act – the police, when they realized who they had been sent to investigate, were quick to back out, accepting the man's denial of being engaged in rape. Xemnas had that kind of influence. Still, protocol had been followed insofar as a report had to be made. Xemnas had no trouble with this, apart from the annoyance of it keeping him from finishing his fun right away. It was only a delay…Roxas knew it even then, but he had still been thankful for the respite. Even though he knew he would only suffer worse later.

And he had. When Xemnas was free again, Roxas had been beaten. That heavy hand had hit him again and again; Xemnas had even kicked him. Then he had proceeded to finish raping him, violating his body until it was broken. It was morning before he left him, bruised and bleeding, with a grim promise that whomever had dared to call the police was going to pay for interrupting them.

As horrible as these memories were, and as much as Roxas did _not_ want to relive that experience, he was curious to know what Xemnas had found in the police report – which he had no doubt procured by simply calling in a favor from some higher-up in the police department.

So, aware that he didn't have long, Roxas quickly flipped open the file and began to scan the report.

_Case dismissed…_ No, before that. _ An anonymous call from the residence of…_ A name stood out to him sharply, making his breath catch and his heart stop for a moment.

_Axel._

_The call was made from the apartment…owner stated that he had not made the call…Statement: "A couple guys showed up here asking to use my phone. I figured their car broke down or something, but I didn't ask. I let them and they left. I had no idea who they were, I didn't ask…no, I didn't listen to their call either."_

Roxas read over the document again, disbelieving. It didn't make sense. It was a good cover though…Xemnas, not knowing Axel had any connection to Roxas, would find nothing to pursue for vengeance in this story, but to Roxas, it was only confusing. Had Axel been the one to call? If so, how had he known? And this story…it didn't add up. Had Axel really just loaned his phone to some completely unknown people, having no idea that the call was being made to save Roxas?

_No…_ The blond shook his head. It was too much of a coincidence. Axel was involved somehow…there had to be more to the story than this. Roxas laid the file back down and began to limp slowly toward the bathroom, his mind still struggling to make sense of what he had read.

A voice within him that had been muffled into silence for more than a month began to whisper.

_Axel…Axel…Axel…it was him…somehow, he was trying to save me…maybe he wants me to come back, maybe he doesn't hate me…_

Another voice, one accustomed to more authority now, replied harshly.

_Impossible. Why are you bringing him up again? Isn't he long gone from your life now? What makes you think, after all this time, that he would still feel any kindness toward scum like __**you?**_

Roxas felt as if his heart twisted violently within him, and fresh pain shot through him…pain that didn't come from the injuries his Master had inflicted.

_He doesn't have to feel anything for me…as long as…_

_There was a reason to go to him? Ahh, but there isn't. He won't call you to himself…and there's nothing else left. You have no connection to him anymore._

Roxas felt washed in misery. _It's true…there's nothing left to connect us. I never gave him anything…_

_And you never took anything from him. There's nothing._

Roxas paused.

_I did though. I took…200 dollars. _

_That doesn't matter. That's nothing. He doesn't know about that._

_But I took it. And I need to repay him._

_You never repaid any of the others you stole from. It's nothing. You have no connection to him at all._

But, just this once, Roxas didn't listen. He knew the voice was right – it was illogical, he had never repaid any of the others, he had no need to repay Axel, Axel didn't even know it was Roxas who took that money. It was all true…but he ignored that fact. Just once…he let the other voice win.

_It doesn't matter. I should pay him back. And I can…I think I can get the money. And then I can give it back to him…_

A snarl in his mind. _**Then**__ there will be nothing left. Very well._

"Yes. That will be the end," Roxas murmured to himself before opening the bathroom door. _And maybe my heart…will finally stop hoping._

Pushing the door open, he entered the steamy bathroom and approached his impatiently waiting Master.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note:**

This is my apology for taking so long. You'll understand by the end. ;3

Then go thank **Beutelmaus **for her help. Go! Shoo! 8D Also thank her because if not for her, this would be the last chapter of the fic, right here. XD

* * *

It was a warm evening in late June, and the sun had not completely finished setting. From the yard attached to the dingy apartment complex came playful screams and the laughter of little children making the most of their last hour before bed. Occasionally, a dog barked down the street.

The front door of the complex opened and young man stepped out, turned, and began to walk quickly down the street. If an observer had taken careful notice of him, they might have remarked on a certain tense, nervous quality to the rapid strides as he walked. However, no one did pay any particular attention to the ordinary-looking blond in unassuming jeans and a T-shirt. Some ways down the street, after a short wait at the bus stop, he boarded and vanished from the neighborhood, never looking up at anyone, and no one looking at him.

On the bus, though Roxas tried to sit still and avoid attracting attention, twice he caught his left leg bouncing uncontrollably. Both times, he calmed himself with an iron will, desperate to drive away the jitters…only to have them creep back up on him while his thoughts roamed.

Xemnas was on a business trip this week. At least, Roxas was almost sure he was. The half of the phone conversation he had overheard while "asleep" had strongly indicated that his master would have to travel this week. It had been confirmed by two days of silence on his cell phone – no demands to come, no instructions at all from his master. Usually this meant that Xemnas was either gone – for the man never told his sex toy when he was leaving or coming back, he simply went – or that he was, perhaps, only busy.

The one reason Roxas was almost certain it was the former was that lately, when Xemnas was going to be busy, the man had taken to chaining Roxas up in some suite, equipped with a camera. He seemed to enjoy taking his coffee breaks at the office while watching a live show of…whatever he felt like seeing. Roxas, chained in the room, would be left for days, waiting for a text message to command him in front of the camera and get to work pleasing his hardworking master.

This time, however, Xemnas' two days of silence had left Roxas free. And of course there was the phone conversation. These combined indications gave Roxas that tiny bit of extra courage he needed.

So tonight, he would act. His plan was ready…and now, he had stepped out the door and started on his way.

Of course, Roxas mused as he dismounted the bus downtown, having a good plan didn't necessarily mean he wasn't nervous. Not at all.

Roxas was petrified.

Down a side street, then a darker one, then a turn onto a one-way street that was really more of an alley. Here, he found the battered door he sought, and Roxas pushed it open, entering the abandoned-looking building.

On the inside, he found himself in a dimly-lit room cluttered with all kinds of odds and ends, some on shelves, some stacked in corners or random heaps. The desk at the back of the room was apparently the only clear space in the shop, being occupied only by an ancient cash register and a large pair of grimy boots.

Roxas took another step inside, and the door creaked shut behind him, the noise almost a screech in the quiet shop. Hearing the sound, the wearer of the grimy boots stirred, removing his feet from the counter and sitting up. A hairy face turned toward Roxas, eyes squinting at him through the dim light and the haze from the cigar the man had clenched between his teeth.

"Help ya with something?" A deep, gravelly voice growled at him, and Roxas stepped forward, still somewhat jittery. Not because of this man, however. No, the real reason for his fear was yet to come.

"Yes, I'd like to pawn something. If this is _Xaldin's Treasures_?"

The hairy-faced man leaned back in his seat again, a skeptical look on his face. "It is and that's me…" Xaldin's eyes darted over the skinny-looking kid in his shop as he scratched lazily at his dirty white T-shirt and dragged absently on his cigar.

Roxas stepped forward, reaching the counter before the burly man could continue. Taking a deep breath, he reached up to his ear and unfastened a solitary earring from the cartilage. Placing it on the counter carefully, he withdrew his hand, leaving the clear, deep-red stone to sparkle faintly against the battered wood surface.

"I need 200 dollars." In his mind, Roxas released a sigh. _That's it._

The large man behind the counter snorted as he glanced at the stone, shooting an incredulous look at Roxas. However, seeing the boy's calm determination, Xaldin took another look at the stone…then peered even more closely at it. A moment later, he turned away, rummaging through a shelf and cussing when long, dark dreadlocks fell in his face.

At last, he turned back with a small, worn case, which, when opened, proved to be a jeweler's set with an eyepiece. Placing the earring on the velvet, Xaldin bent to examine the stone with the eyepiece squeezed over his right eye.

Roxas knew what he would discover, and he knew that in a few minutes his request of 200 dollars would be unquestionably met. That earring was the only thing of value that he owned. It had been a gift…a recent gift.

A gift from his master. From Xemnas. For his 20th birthday. But it was more than that – it was a visible sign of the man's ownership of him.

Roxas knew that he had to wait for a business trip to give him the time to do this, because if for some reason Xemnas called him after he pawned the earring and before he could…finish his errand…Roxas knew there would be hell to pay. In no uncertain or figurative terms.

He was going to suffer for this. But…he had no choice. He'd been over it again and again in his mind, and he simply didn't own anything else that was worth this much.

Xaldin looked up from the earring at last, his expression no longer skeptical, but perhaps wary and distrustful. He cleared his throat.

"So you want 200 dollars for this…eh, earring?"

Roxas nodded. The man now knew as well as he did that the jewel was worth far more than that.

With a grunt, but without questions, Xaldin shuffled with some things under the counter, coming up with a form and a pen, which he scribbled on the wooden counter before it produced ink. After another moment of filling out a few lines, he slid the form over to Roxas and gruffly pointed to a line.

"Sign here." As Roxas took up the pen, the earring disappeared with the proprietor into a small back room.

_Loan in the amount of 200 dollars…interest rate 15%…paid in full or the collateral will not be returned…collateral collected – one ruby earring. Signature…_

Roxas signed his name as the pawn shop owner returned, cash in hand. He pulled the form back over the counter and inspected it with a grunt.

"Twenties OK?"

"Yes."

With that, a hairy hand slapped the small stack of bills onto the counter as the form disappeared into a nearby file cabinet. Roxas, understanding that it was expected of him, counted the money briefly before folding it and tucking it into his back pocket.

"Thanks." The man nodded, wordlessly meeting his outstretched hand and shaking it once, firmly. With that, Roxas turned and departed the shady pawn shop, doubting he would ever be back for his earring.

His steps soon carried him back to the bus stop, where Roxas sat down on the bench to wait in the fading twilight. His leg no longer bounced anxiously. Now, an unnatural calm had settled over the young man at the bus stop.

Now he faced the part that he was really nervous about. After this…whatever Xemnas did to him, it didn't frighten him like this did. Whether he was beaten, raped again, or even killed (possible, knowing his Master), none of it made him tremble like the thought of seeing Axel again.

After two months of not seeing the redhead, those last memories of Axel's unhappy face still made his stomach twist whenever he thought of it. Axel had been disgusted with him, disappointed…and Axel hadn't known then about his Master. He had not yet seen the new depths to which Roxas knew he had sunk. When he found out…just imagining the look of repulsion on that beautiful face made panic begin to crawl up Roxas' spine as the blond fought back tears.

Yet even Axel's disgust somehow attracted Roxas. "Disgust" wasn't a fall far from what Xemnas thought of him anyway, and it was…Axel. He hadn't let himself think about him for so long, all because no matter how he imagined meeting the man – no matter how horribly he imagined Axel reacting – he still longed to see him _so much_.

As Roxas boarded the bus again with leaden steps, he couldn't quite choke back the overwhelming longing that he had been ignoring for months. His steps stumbled weakly as he nearly tripped on the stair, and the blond was forced to catch himself. Fortunately, a seat was open nearby, and he was able to all but fall forward into it, sinking down on its hard plastic surface. He felt tired…weary and slightly nauseous.

As the bus heaved into motion – carrying Roxas toward Axel's apartment – the blond leaned his head back weakly, gazing out the window at the last light of the sunset. The faintest pink touched the clouds, visible between the buildings as slowly more and more sky was revealed as the bus moved away from the larger buildings downtown. Pink like…pink like Naminé's cheeks when she laughed…and beautiful evening blue in the sky, like her eyes. Roxas couldn't see any stars yet – there wouldn't be many even when it was fully night, not in the city – but he could imagine them in the blue, because Nami's eyes had always sparkled when she laughed.

Roxas hadn't let himself think about his sister for almost as long as he'd avoided thinking about Axel. Thinking of her never failed to remind him of his loneliness, of the haunting feeling that, with her gone, he was alone in the world…and all the light and love he'd ever known had disappeared with her.

All that was left was Xemnas – the next best thing. Better than being bought by the hour. Better than being on the streets. Xemnas was terrifying and cruel, but he was also protection and provision and someone who wanted him, someone who touched him in a way that he could almost, _almost _convince himself felt like love…whatever _that_ felt like, anyway.

Until now. Until this trip. Until he was faced with the certain knowledge that he was about to see Axel again. Somehow, being reminded of Axel's very existence threw a wrench in all the arguments he had constructed for himself, telling himself that this was good, it was all he deserved or could hope for, and he was happy. He knew, if he looked into those piercingly green eyes, he wouldn't be able to pretend.

The bus stopped. Roxas, with what felt like a rock for a stomach, stepped off onto the street corner. Slowly, he turned to walk the remaining two blocks to Axel's apartment building.

As his old sneakers scuffed and scraped along the sidewalk, an angry voice rose up in his mind, rebelling against this trip one last time.

_This is absolutely futile. He'll still hate you, he'll hurt you and what's more, Master will be angry when he sees you without the earring. He may even throw you away for good, and then where will you go? This is a stupid, stupid thing to do._

Roxas was silent before these thoughts, offering no arguments, no struggles to justify why he felt so driven to do this. He couldn't win against himself by arguing anyway – logic was all against him. The logical arguments of Roxie's voice would have no use for his indefinable instincts. Axel's name in a police report didn't mean that the man still cared about him…yet Roxas was irresistibly drawn by an almost hopeless hope, a heartbreaking need to know for sure…no matter how much it hurt.

Even if it broke him for good.

Roxas looked up to find himself in front of Axel's building. The apartments here all opened to the outside, with the stairwells running up one side of the building. Roxas took the steps slowly, each footfall thudding with his dread-soaked heartbeat. The exterior lights bathed the walkway across the front of the building in patches of yellow light, moths beginning to flit around them in the gathering dusk. One moment, it felt like Axel's door was miles away…then suddenly, Roxas stood right in front of it. Feeling his courage begin to slip away, Roxas raised a trembling hand to knock on the door.

He only managed a tap at first. After a pause, he realized he had probably been far too quiet, so he swallowed hard and forced himself to knock louder. He waited, a sick feeling mounting rapidly from his guts to his throat, hovering there threateningly.

A long pause. No sound. Roxas nervously leaned forward, pressing his ear against the door to listen. Axel's apartment was silent.

Desperation overcame some of his fear, and Roxas banged loudly on the door, then waited, listening carefully one last time. Still nothing from within. After a tense moment, Roxas turned and leaned his back against the door, deflating weakly. Was Axel just not home? Could he have…moved? Roxas' body slid slowly down, and he sat on the low stoop, his head dropping forward into his hands.

_He could be out somewhere…maybe at a party or on a date. If he even still lives here. If he doesn't…what am I going to do?_

Roxas remained still for what felt like forever, slowly trying to figure out how he could possibly get in touch with Axel or track him down if the man had moved. His best guess was to see if he had left a forwarding address with the post office. After reaching that conclusion, Roxas had to decide what to do for now.

Go home? _Ugh…I hate that place._

Xemnas wasn't here to call him up… _No need to go to him, then._

Wait here? _That's…foolish. But…_

Roxas was tired. He had nowhere else to be, and between his apartment and a doorstep that might or might not belong to Axel anymore, but at least _once_ did…he preferred the doorstep. Logic be damned. His very presence here was evidence of his extremely illogical mood today.

So Roxas stayed, his butt slowly growing numb from the concrete seat, the sky darkening completely, and the crickets beginning to chirp loudly in the summer night. Every once in a while, he'd hear someone on the stairs and lift his head, staring at them in hopes that they would be Axel. After a number of weird looks from strangers, he stopped bothering.

_Axel doesn't live here anymore. He can't. What am I even doing here?_

Listlessly, Roxas listened to the crickets. And footsteps yet again echoing slightly as they climbed the stairs…then stepped out onto this level…

The footsteps stopped. "…Roxas?"

The blond froze, his breath caught. Then, slowly, he raised his head, his blue eyes peeled wide open, and turned it carefully toward the man standing a few yards away.

A tired-looking suit and…and clean shoes. Loosened tie…ridiculous red hair.

Roxas couldn't move. He remained hunched on the doorstep, a little, miserable ball as he stared at the exhausted-looking man staring back at him, green eyes trained on him with a shocked expression.

Roxas swallowed once, hard.

"Axel."

-o-o-O-o-o-

Thirty seconds ago, if a neighbor had asked Axel about his day at work, he would have been ready with a lovely stream of profanity. Now, as he stood on the walkway and stared at the blond practically curled up in front of his door, Axel would not even have been able to hear such a question. It would have sailed right by him, unnoticed. And, instead of a grumbled stream of profanity, his suddenly-hoarse voice had just grated out the only word he could manage.

When he heard Roxas reply, his own name on those unwillingly unforgotten lips, the hitherto exhausted reporter felt an electric shudder run through his body. Part of his heart leaped with an irrational hope that Roxas had returned, he was back, and he'd never go away again.

That hope was swiftly followed, however, by a wash of dull pain – the same feeling that had been plaguing his every thought of Roxas for months. The miserable certainty that Roxas had chosen his familiar life of promiscuity over Axel.

This pain held him in place, preventing him from stepping closer to the boy on his doorstep. Instead, he tried to speak, but his mind was a blank. He swallowed hard a few times, trying to collect himself, while staring at Roxas, who was stiffly moving to stand.

Roxas was…thinner than Axel remembered. His T-shirt and jeans looked slightly loose, his beautiful face was just perceptibly haggard, and his soft skin looked pale. His eyes were the worst, though. Those usually bright, expressive blue eyes were startlingly dull, empty and lifeless, except for weariness and sorrow. Suddenly, whatever pain Axel had suffered in the last few months began to seem less important to the redhead. Roxas had obviously been through hell. A sharp tug of impulsive concern at his heart helped him finally find his voice.

"H-how've you been, Roxas?"

The blond's eyes seemed to be fixed on Axel's feet as he nodded. "I've…been OK. How are you?"

_Lonely_. "Oh, you know…busy."

"Oh."

They fell back into silence, both remaining fixed in place, standing a few feet away from each other. Roxas continued to stare at Axel's feet. Axel continued to stare at the thin young man he had been sure he would never see again. Incomprehension kept swirling around in his mind. Why was he now able to see Roxas again, after all this time that hadn't made the slightest difference to his wounded heart?

"What are you doing here?" The question was abrupt, and seemed to startle Roxas slightly. _Shit, that came out wrong._ "Uh, I mean…"

"I'm…" Roxas' nervous voice spoke up at the same moment that Axel tried to modify his question. They both stopped, looking uncertainly at each other.

"Sorry," Roxas looked away again quickly. "What was that?"

"Nothing, I just didn't mean…I mean…" Axel took a deep breath, not sure _what_ he meant, or how to explain. Collecting his wits, he finally realized how ludicrous it was for him to be standing outside his door talking to a visitor. With a huff, he released his breath and quickly raised a hand to scratch at his scalp.

"Look, why don't you come inside?" Roxas seemed about to argue, but Axel was already stepping forward, unlocking the door and entering the apartment, holding the door open for Roxas to follow. Reluctantly, the blond followed.

They said very little to each other while Axel deposited his belongings in their appropriate places – ridding himself quickly on the uncomfortable jacket and tie and un-tucking his button-down shirt – and attempted to present some kind of awkward hospitality to his unexpected guest. Roxas declined the offer of a beer. Fortunately, Axel had orange juice – better than water, at least – and Roxas hesitantly accepted that, while Axel helped himself to his own beer without the slightest pause. He dearly needed a drink.

He could see Roxas better now, in his well-lit front room, and his eyes kept roaming over to the blond in his apartment, drawn to him in spite of Axel's attempts to act casually. He couldn't stop looking at Roxas. He looked…older. It wasn't just the obvious weariness either – the pretty, boyish face had lost just the tiniest bit of soft curve, becoming slightly more masculine, more adult.

Even more noticeable, however, were the marks – the ones that tore at Axel's heart, even though he had fully expected to see them there. The bruises on the thin arms and neck…painfully obvious, not even slightly concealed by the T-shirt Roxas was wearing. And even though it _was_ summer and scarves and jackets weren't really an option now, Roxas didn't even seem to care about hiding them anymore. He seemed indifferent, cold…no longer self-conscious about the bruises at all. The most emotion Axel could see in his guarded expression was an air of edginess…discomfort as Roxas glanced around the apartment he had once spent several days in.

"Have a seat." Axel blandly directed Roxas to the sofa after handing him his orange juice. Roxas reluctantly followed, sinking slowly down at the extreme corner of the couch…as far from Axel as possible. Glancing over, Axel noticed the boy's hands tremble slightly as he sat, and the man couldn't help feeling slightly wounded at Roxas' apparent revulsion.

_What the hell is he doing here, if he hates me so much?_ Axel was beginning to wish this visit was over. It was too hard, seeing Roxas here and being so inescapably aware of the distance between them…the distance that he had no hope of ever closing again.

Roxas took a deep breath, still not looking at Axel – who had also chosen to stare in a different direction, in an attempt to lessen his misery – and began to answer Axel's unspoken question.

"I came…" He cleared his throat. "I came to give you something. I…" The blond suddenly shifted and dug in his back pocket, withdrawing something and extending a hand toward Axel. "This is yours."

Axel turned to glance at what Roxas held, noticing that the smaller man's hands were definitely shaking now. When he saw what Roxas held, however…

"Ha!" A brief gasp of high-pitched, incredulous laughter escaped Axel's lips. _Cash? _ He stared at Roxas, his uncomprehending brain slowly trying to grasp something that he was vaguely certain was going to offend him deeply.

"It's…two hundred dollars. It's yours, take it."

"T-Two hundred dollars?" Axel's voice was still high and strained with shock and disbelief. He laughed again, a nervous sound. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He swallowed as Roxas winced, glancing fearfully at him. His voice slightly closer to normal, Axel continued. "No way in fucking _hell_ am I taking money from you. You don't owe me _shit_ Roxas! If this is what you came for – to pay me back or whatever the fuck you think you need to do – then you can just fucking forget it. Take _that_," he pointed at the cash as if it was some disgusting insect, "and get the fuck out."

For a moment, it seemed as if Roxas would do just that. Blue eyes filled with tears quickly looked away, and Roxas seemed about to run. Then, suddenly, he turned back, threw the wad of bills at Axel, and all but yelled back at him.

"_No_, you asshole, you don't understand, I have to explain why…"

Axel interrupted, his own voice raised. "There is absolutely no fucking reason for you to…"

"Will you just _shut up_ _and_ _listen _before you go and decide that?" A panicked edge shook Roxas' voice as he yelled back. Axel blinked at him in shock. After a moment, he sullenly turned away again, picking the money off his lap like it was dirty and throwing it onto the coffee table.

"Fine. Explain." He pressed a knuckle between his eyes…he was getting a headache from all this strain. Roxas took a shaky breath and a drink of orange juice before speaking again from his place on the couch, legs curled up against his chest as he stared at the wall.

"You…you probably don't remember the first time we met…"

"Bullshit." Axel cut in expressionlessly. "I was at your bar with Demyx and you tried to get me to buy you." Axel felt an unexpected stab in his gut as he spoke the words so harshly.

Roxas' voice was a strained whisper. "Will you just let me finish?"

Axel glanced over at the sound. Roxas sounded like he was going to cry. With a twist of regret and worry, Axel shut up.

Roxas slowly resumed in a quiet, steady voice. "That wasn't actually the first time we met. That's…the first time you'd remember. We met before that though…a week before. You were at Marluxia's, but you were alone. You were really drunk. I saw you at the bar…and…and I approached you."

As Roxas spoke, Axel felt his anger and pain draining away – slowly at first, then faster as the meaning began to sink in. His mind began to race, remembering the weekend Roxas spoke about, fitting the formerly jumbled pieces together rapidly.

"I took you up to one of the rooms, where you ended up passing out. I was…I was doing my job. I did this kind of thing from time to time. I…I took your money and left you there with a note, so you wouldn't figure out that you'd been robbed. That was the first time we met. You were too drunk to remember." Blue eyes glanced in fear at Axel, who was still processing everything. "You…I'm not paying you back for anything you've done for me since then, even though…I am grateful for all that. Really. But right now, I'm just…returning what I took."

Axel blinked several times and looked at Roxas. "That time I couldn't remember…when I woke up to some note from some Alice chick…and the money…I thought I'd lost…that was _you?_"

Roxas nodded, glancing nervously at Axel from time to time.

_Then the dreams I kept having after that…were Roxas all along._

"And when I came back…and when I asked you for interviews…" The note of hurt in Axel's voice was growing steadily stronger, "all that time we spent together, and after that…when…when you stayed here for a while…"

"There's no excuse, I know. It was very…deceptive of me." Roxas faced Axel at last, but still didn't quite dare to meet his eyes for long. His voice was quiet and even, but his still-shaking hands gave away his nervousness. With a glance at Axel, he all but whispered, "I came to tell you…I'm very sorry."

Axel managed to keep his groan internal. _Don't look at me like that, don't apologize with that fucking adorable puppy face, damn it…_

Another thought hit Axel. "So wait…what exactly happened? The night I can't remember, I mean? Did we…?"

Roxas shook his head, hard. "You passed out almost right away, like I figured you would. I just ki-kissed you and…touched you a little." A flush stained Roxas' cheeks at the words, surprising Axel a bit. Some cold, sarcastic part of his heart had attempted to form an unconscious theory that sluts didn't blush – obviously, Roxas disproved that.

"OK…" Axel covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, trying to concentrate on sorting out the jumble of different confused emotions Roxas' words had created. "Ok, so…you took my money and never said anything about it, and now you're returning it and apologizing." He took another deep breath while Roxas nodded sadly.

_You're the one I wanted right from the first time we met…you're the one that made me forget a breakup, forget girls and casual relationships entirely…oh fuck, stop looking so lost and abandoned…_ Axel was suffering from a suffocating tightness in his chest that had very little to do with his struggling mind. In fact, it was much more directly related to Roxas' lonely-looking blue eyes.

"So why now?" He forced the last question out, staring at Roxas through a haze of pain that he half wanted to avenge, and half wanted to cast aside and ignore. "What, are you just going around to all you former clients," Axel nearly choked as he realized that the word applied to him too, after all, "and…and refunding their money or something?"

"No." Roxas shook his head again, but slower. His hands clenched, trying to control their trembling. "I never saw any of them again, so I don't know who they were. I can't return any of the other money I stole. But I had to return this to you."

"Oh, so you're just using me to appease your conscience on behalf of all of them, then?" Axel couldn't quite keep the bitterness from his voice.

"No!" Roxas clutched at his hair, his eyes squeezed shut in misery. "That's not why I came, damn it!"

"So why _did_ you come?" Axel's voice was still obeying his confused mind, but more and more of the redhead was giving up any interest in staying upset. He knew he should be – he should be livid – but he just couldn't. Not with Roxas sitting there, close to tears, looking so broken and apologizing. His heart didn't want to wait for the right reasons to be explained…he just wanted to forget the whole thing and _hold_ the boy, hold him and comfort him and cherish this incredible opportunity to _see_ him, and worry about reasons later.

Roxas was struggling to form words, his mouth open and his expression desperate. "I…don't…I just…I _needed_ to!"

"But _why?_"

"_I needed to see you!_" Roxas buried his head in his arms.

Axel just stared. _That's…it's the same for me. I missed you…even before I knew you, I wanted to be near you…because…_

In the silence of the room, Axel heard a tiny buzzing sound. A quiet vibration.

Roxas' head snapped up, his eyes wide. A flash of terror shot through bright blue, before a dull, agonized look settled in them. As Axel watched, curious and worried, Roxas reached into his pocket again, withdrawing a cell phone and checking it, apparently reading a message. His blue eyes then slipped closed, concealing his despair, though his face still showed suffering.

Axel leaned slightly forward in concern. "What's wrong?"

Roxas' voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. "I have to go."

_No!_ "What? W-Why?" _Don't leave me again…Roxas…_

The blond stood suddenly, still clutching his phone. "Something unexpected has come up…"

Axel's eyes were glued to Roxas' face. Something was seriously wrong. Roxas had been fidgeting and looking like he wanted to leave since the moment Axel laid eyes on him…and now, all of a sudden, he _was_ leaving, but he seemed miserable about it. "Reluctant" didn't seem to quite describe the way the boy looked anymore – Roxas' expression was almost…heartbroken.

That was how Axel knew.

"It's him, isn't it?" Roxas gasped and stared at him in shock, not even succeeding in pretending he didn't know who Axel meant.

"He-he wants me…I have to go…" An almost childlike helplessness permeated Roxas' face and voice. He turned toward the door.

"You're still going back to a guy like that?" Axel's voice trembled with desperation. He was standing now…the slight increase in distance Roxas had put between them had ached so badly that he impulsively followed. "You're still obeying a guy who…who treats you like shit? Who hurts you like _that?_" An unsteady hand pointed to the marks on Roxas' arms, despite the fact that the blond couldn't see the gesture with his back turned.

Roxas was still, hunched over his cell phone, turned away from Axel. His voice was low. "He's better than the alternative…and…and he wants me." Misery welled in his blue eyes. Axel knew…he knew everything horrible about Roxas now, everything Roxas had hoped to keep hidden. It was ending for good now…and it was time to go to Xemnas and accept his punishment.

Axel was torn. All the things he'd just heard…a part of him was angry. A part of him wanted to be rid of the whole mess, just go back to normal _finally_, let Roxas go back to this bastard he was choosing over Axel _again _– after what the blond had done, he deserved it.

That part and those thoughts managed to restrain him for a few heartbeats…but not longer. The rest of him didn't care. He wanted Roxas, he _loved_ him, and he knew for certain that this was his last chance. If he let the blond get away this time, there would be no more miracle opportunities out of thin air. It would really be over.

"Don't go."

Axel barely managed to croak out the words, but Roxas heard them and stopped. Axel swallowed hard and spoke louder, more firmly. "Don't go."

Hopelessly hopeful blue eyes glanced over a shoulder at him. Roxas' voice was a whisper.

"Why?"

Green eyes locked with blue. _Now or never._

"I love you."

A strangled, incredulous laugh broke from Roxas, much like Axel's earlier reaction to being offered money – only instead of scorn underlying the sound, there was only desperation.

"Wh-what?" Roxas turned away compulsively, but Axel could see how the thin body shook with the trembling that had spread from his hands to take over his entire form. Roxas remained still, listening, unable to move.

"I love you." Axel took a step forward, hoping against all hope that this reaction wasn't a rejection. And even if it was… _Fuck that. I have to tell him. _

Slowly, he continued to place one foot in front of another as he spoke, addressing the back of Roxas' head. "I'm in love with you…you are the most important person in the world to me…I think I started falling in love with you the first moment I met you…the _real _first time…and I want you to stay. I don't want you to go back to that guy…I never want another man to touch you, ever…it kills me every time you leave…I want you to stay here with me." He had reached Roxas, and gently, carefully, fearing to startle or frighten the boy, he placed his hands on Roxas' shoulders. Then, with the most delicate pressure, he turned the boy to face him.

"I want you to stay with me forever…because I love you." Axel spoke these final words with deep sincerity, looking down into Roxas' face. The blond looked up at him, and there were tears streaming from his blue eyes, running down his cheeks. His nose and eyes were already red with crying, and he helplessly clutched the cell phone as he struggled to take shuddering breaths.

Through a voice thick with tears, Roxas struggled to speak. "R…r…really?"

Axel felt his own tears suddenly overflow as he nodded. "Yes, Roxas."

"You r-really do?" The boy leaned forward hopefully, his hands and forearms pressing against Axel's chest.

"Yes." Axel lifted a hand to the beautiful face, touching wet tears before his fingers threaded into blond hair. He leaned down to whisper above one ear. "I really do."

The smaller body suddenly shook with a rough sob, and Roxas leaned forward fully, his face pressing against Axel's shoulder as he gave up control of the tears. Axel's arms were instantly around him, pulling him close as Roxas cried, his own tears beginning to dampen the blond hair he pressed his face into.

For Roxas, that first sob seemed to unleash many more that had been pent up and forced back over the last few months. The loneliness, the strain, the abuse…he was suddenly overwhelmed by the flood of pain. He cried and cried against Axel's shoulder, forgetting time, just releasing the pain into the arms that had finally, _finally_ accepted him…claimed him.

When he once again became aware of his surroundings – the sobs having calmed at last with exhaustion – Roxas found himself on the couch again, in Axel's arms.

"I…I'm sorry," he tried to stammer through the mucous in his throat.

Axel's hand was there immediately, brushing the tears away. "Shhhh…don't apologize…it's OK." Axel tipped the blond head back gently, bringing Roxas' eyes up to look at him.

They stared at each other for a moment…then, wordlessly, they moved forward together.

It was strangely familiar…the taste of tears and sorrow in Roxas' kiss. Slowly, the realization sank through the bliss that was fogging Axel's mind as he tasted the boy, caressing him with all his confessed love. And finally, gradually, he pulled back. He wanted to be sure that Roxas _understood_ this time.

"Roxas…" Axel's voice was weak, shaky. He licked his lips – thrilling at the traces of Roxas' taste there, slightly sweet and citrusy from the orange juice – and placed his hands on either side of the blond's face, holding Roxas so that he couldn't look away. "I want you to understand…when I do this…" he leaned forward again, touching their mouths together in a soft, warm kiss, before drawing back to continue speaking, "…I do that because I love you. To…to show you that you are special to me, and because I want to…give you happiness." He placed another quick kiss on those soft, accepting lips, and continued to punctuate his words with more tender kisses. "I just want to be sure…you understand…that that's what I mean…when I kiss you."

He pulled back once more, gazing at Roxas' tear-stained face. The boy looked an absolute mess, but Axel didn't care in the slightest. All he noticed was the way Roxas' blue eyes slipped shut, his expression relaxing, easing toward a smile. Then, those beautiful eyes opened again, the lips parted, and Roxas drew breath to respond…

Another quiet vibration. Both young men looked at Roxas' hands; neither had noticed that they still clutched the cell phone. Axel looked back to Roxas' face immediately. This time, however, there was no flash of terror, no panic or fear. The tiniest helpless smile ghosted over Roxas' lips.

"He's…angry with me." It was only a whisper. Then, the watery blue eyes returned to Axel's face. The redhead waited, tense, wondering what Roxas would do.

"Stay…please stay…" Axel's voice was nothing more than a whisper, begging Roxas not to leave him again.

After a tortured moment in which Axel felt like his guts were being cut to ribbons, Roxas' fingers moved. The blond didn't look down; his hands moved on their own, and he never so much as glanced at the cell phone – his eyes remained fixed on Axel.

There was a tinny little tune as the phone powered off…and then a _snap_ as Roxas' hands unrelentingly bent the flip-back top in the wrong direction.

The two halves of the cell phone slipped to the floor as Roxas let go of them. Then there were arms around Axel's neck, and Roxas was kissing him, again and again, forcefully and softly, sweetly and passionately, his hands tangled in Axel's long hair, gripping like they would never let go. And the thin body was pressed tightly against Axel, surrendered into his hands…

And Axel had his answer. A few more tears of pure relief slipped from his closed eyes – Roxas would never leave him again.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:**

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm so sorry that I'm not posting a nice, romantic oneshot today…I really meant to, but my brain absolutely refused to take hold of any ideas. So, have an update on this instead. XD Today's chapter should fit well with the holiday, I think. ^.^ It's a little short and fluffy, but here's some good news – next update will be tomorrow! After I finish getting it edited. Yay! Just to show how much I love all you guys and appreciate the support. ^3^

* * *

Sunlight filtered into the room in little slivers, let in through the cracks between the curtains drawn over Axel's bedroom window. The brightness of the outside world encouraged Roxas to keep his eyes shut just a little longer. He sighed deeply. He was comfortable. The bed was soft, the sunlight was warm, everything was warm…the arms around him and the body pressed close to him on the single bed were all so blissfully warm.

Axel…was so, so warm.

Slowly, lazily, Roxas opened one eye, then another. He was facing Axel's room, muscled arms looped around him from behind. He allowed his eyes to adjust to the light while gazing around – the room hadn't changed since he'd been a guest here two months ago. It was still plain and ordinary…and filled with Axel's scent and perfect.

Smiling contentedly, Roxas looked down to where the blankets were gathered about his and Axel's waists. The arms that held him stood out palely against his dark T-shirt. Roxas gazed for a long moment at those arms and hands, studying the shape of them, the direction their fine hairs grew, the man's knuckles and fingernails, freckles and calluses. All in all, they were ordinary, masculine hands and arms…yet Roxas couldn't stop smiling as he gazed at them. He took his time, memorizing as many details as he could see, before he prepared to roll over and take a look at the rest of the man. Rolling over would probably wake Axel, after all, and since Roxas had woken up first, he wanted to make the most of it.

-o-o-O-o-o-

The night before, Roxas had broken his cell phone – the device through which his former Master always commanded him – and had wholeheartedly obeyed Axel's demand that he stay. He had no idea how long he had remained in the man's arms after that…time had simply ceased to exist as he lost himself in the delight of kissing Axel. Just as he had always suspected – kissing the redhead was something he'd never get tired of. Ever.

Unless, of course, there were…_other_ things they could move on to. Things that Roxas had done with a million strangers, but never wanted to do with anyone but Axel. And with Axel…he _longed_ to do them.

He had been ready. Axel had told him to stay – finally, _finally_ Axel had said those words that Roxas had been waiting for – and Roxas had stayed, forgetting fear and his hated Master, leaving both behind, and damn the consequences. And Axel had told Roxas that he loved him. Roxas had felt his heart race ecstatically at the words…and he'd been ready, so ready to give himself to Axel, to surrender completely to the man and be _loved_ by him. He had wanted it desperately.

But when he began to do more than kiss, Axel had stopped him.

"Wait…don't do that," Axel gasped as he removed Roxas' hand from his belt, gently but firmly.

The blond gazed at him in confusion, the slightest twinges of doubt and pain beginning to spark. "You don't want me? But you said you love me…"

Axel had gazed at him with a troubled, complicated expression, then sighed and shifted Roxas back from him, holding on to the boy's shoulders as he spoke.

"I _do_ love you Roxas…and I do want you, _never_ doubt that…but I think we need to take it slow. I think there are some things…you might not understand. And I want you to experience the other sides of love first."

Roxas was slightly puzzled. _What other sides of love? _With a look of skepticism at the redhead, he replied, blushing slightly, "Actually, Axel, I think I'm pretty familiar with this kind of thing…" The man was confusing him. Axel knew about Roxas' past…how could he think that Roxas didn't understand about loving? He knew more than he'd ever wanted to know about how people loved…this was the same, right? Only with no money. Instead, they would do it because they wanted to. Roxas understood that this was the way it was meant to be, and happily anticipated that the change in motivation would make having sex with Axel better than any other sex he'd ever had.

The look on Axel's face only intensified slightly, before he responded, sounding slightly tired. "That's…not all there is to it Roxas. And…it's hard to explain, so for now, let's just take things slow." Green eyes fixed on his own as Axel spoke sincerely. "I'll do everything I can to help you understand, OK?"

Roxas had been even more confused at this. What was to understand? He wanted Axel…Axel wanted him…he was happy with Axel, who treated him kindly, and Axel had chosen to accept him, so now he could belong to the man he wanted…this was perfect.

However…if Axel said he didn't understand, Roxas was willing to see if the redhead would explain something new to him. He trusted Axel – he had surrendered himself to this man now. So he nodded slowly, agreeing.

"OK," Axel gently removed Roxas from his lap and rose, his hand holding tightly to Roxas' as he drew the blond after him. "Time for bed. We can share my bed, but we won't…do anything. Not tonight. We'll save that for later." There was a wry, slightly bashful smile on the gorgeous face as Axel glanced back at him, Roxas following to the bedroom.

Axel had provided himself with sweats, Roxas with an old pair of pajama pants. Roxas had left his T-shirt on, and Axel had kept the white undershirt after shedding his button-down. When they were ready for bed, Axel sat Roxas down on the edge of the bed and began an explanation.

"Roxas, have you ever…woken up next to someone?"

The blond hesitated, then blushed and mumbled, "Only if they made me pass out…"

Axel couldn't help wincing, just slightly. Roxas immediately regretted telling him that, but Axel managed to swallow the surge of jealousy, maintain his composure, and continue.

"Right…so you've always slept alone." Roxas nodded. "OK, well, I'd like you to get a chance to experience sleeping together and waking up next to somebody."

Roxas blinked a few times. "What difference does that make?"

Axel smiled, helplessly delighted at the innocent look on Roxas' face. "Just…trust me. When it's someone special…it's a wonderful feeling to share your bed with them. I'd like you to…be able to feel that." Then he awkwardly scratched the back of his head and grinned. "And, well, it's good for me too…because I've been wanting to wake up next to you for a _really_ long time."

So Roxas had curled up beside the taller man, pressed tightly close together, and fallen asleep peacefully, happy just to be accepted by Axel in any way at all.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Now that morning had come, slowly dragging Roxas back to consciousness with light and warmth, the blond had every intention of savoring the rest of this special experience that Axel wanted him to have. And, he had to admit, it was already turning out kind of nice. He felt so well-rested, and it was just so perfectly warm and comfortable… Roxas was used to waking up cold, on a lumpy mattress.

Finally, before he could quite reach full alertness – because that would be the end of "waking up", and he wanted to finish waking up next to Axel while facing the man – Roxas slowly, carefully turned himself over, attempting to disturb the arms around him as little as possible, as well as not bump into the firm body pressed close to him.

Fortunately for Roxas, he was able to face Axel without waking the man. Axel stirred in his sleep, beginning the slow process of gradually struggling toward consciousness, but he didn't open his eyes immediately.

Unbeknownst to him, hazy blue eyes happily examined his face, performing the same contented memorization that had been acted on his hands and arms. Roxas watched Axel's slow, regular breathing as it became slightly erratic, changing rhythm. He watched the relaxed, sleeping face twitch slightly as Axel's brows creased in a way that Roxas could only think of one word for – adorable. His eyes strayed over every feature – lips, nose, eyelashes, eyebrows, forehead, cheekbones, tattoos, jawline, chin – and his fingers longed to touch. To trace over that beautiful face…but Roxas didn't want to wake him too quickly. He snuggled down, still held tightly in those warm arms, and gazed at the face so close to his own.

Axel had been right – waking up next to someone was, so far, a perfectly wonderful experience.

_If only I can belong to him forever. If only he'll always keep me and let me be his…_

Then, the softest whisper in his mind: _Not that you deserve to learn about things that are this wonderful…not that you should be allowed to keep this happiness. If it's even real._

Roxas sighed. _No…it __**is **__real…and even though I don't deserve it, I'll stay until he doesn't want me anymore. That's…more than enough for me._

The exhalation brushed a few strands of hair from Axel's face, and the softest groan emitted from the redhead as he stirred. Roxas smiled tenderly. He was finally ready for Axel to join in this "waking up together" event.

"Axel," he whispered gently, "Axel…good morning." The man's eyes remained closed, but he was clearly almost awake. Roxas felt himself losing against his impatience, suddenly. He wanted a kiss…Axel's lips were _so_ close. Without thinking, he leaned over and pressed his lips feather-soft to Axel's.

Roxas watched the green eyes finally open as he tenderly kissed the man. Axel blinked sleepily, then their eyes met. The next moment, both young men were smiling into each other's eyes as Axel returned the kiss. Roxas' eyes slipped shut as he felt the arms around him tighten and draw him closer.

It was a very long moment before they drew back from one another, Roxas blushing shyly, having just realized that it was rather impudent to go kissing Axel while he slept – a bit selfish, really. He'd certainly never _ever_ done anything like that before.

"S-sorry…" He whispered nervously, though the smile still lingered. He couldn't help it – it had felt so good, and everything was so perfect.

"What for?" Axel grinned back at him. "That's the best way in the whole damn world to wake up. It's a guy's absolute favorite."

Roxas was about to reply with a smile, expressing his relief and happiness, and beginning to tell Axel that he'd been completely right about waking up together…but instead, his face automatically scrunched into a mildly disgusted wince.

"You're breath smells _bad!_" He must have looked every bit as surprised as he sounded and felt. _Other people's morning breath really __**is**__ unpleasant…even Axel's. Huh._

The redhead raised his eyebrows and began to chuckle with surprised amusement. "Yeah, news flash, Rox – yours is no rose garden either."

Roxas found himself blushing and covering his mouth, and, for the second time the morning, apologizing.

"Shut up," one of Axel's hands snaked around to remove Roxas' from his mouth. "I don't mind." He released Roxas' hand, and the blond decided to lay it against the side of Axel's face instead.

"You don't?" Axel grinned at the lovely, innocent question and shook his head slightly. Roxas smiled. "Me neither."

Both young men then chose to prove their statements by kissing again, pressing their lips sweetly together…but keeping them mostly closed for now, at least until they could get up and brush their teeth.

"Axel?" Roxas drew back, eyes half lidded and his voice a low murmur.

"Hmm?" Axel gently squeezed the body in his arms.

"You were right about waking up together."

-o-o-O-o-o-

"Hey Axel, what's up?" Demyx's chipper voice answered the phone.

Axel flopped down on his couch, cell phone to his ear, coffee in hand. That had been the first order of business – caffeine. The second was, of course, to call Demyx.

The redhead took a deep breath. "Roxas is here."

There was a moment of silence while Axel pictured Demyx with his pretty aquamarine eyes bugging as he struggled for words. Finally, Demyx replied, the disbelief audible even over the phone.

"Really."

Axel felt a small smile tugging at his lips and crinkling the corners of his eyes slightly. Another deep breath was needed to keep his voice level. "Yep. He's in the shower." A delighted shiver prickled the man's skin.

"_Huh?_" Demyx all but squeaked. "No _way_ the two of you already…"

"Dem, Dem, Dem, relax!" Axel cut his friend off. "No, it's not _that_, although he did spend the night…but we didn't do anything, so don't have a coronary."

It was Demyx's turn to take a deep breath. "I think you better explain what's going on, Axel. I mean, how long ago was it that you basically stopped taking about him, and now all of a sudden…?"

"Yeah, I know." Axel conceded. "OK. He came over last night. I was just coming home from field work, and there he was on my doorstep." Demyx hummed his comprehension. "So I asked him in, and he had come for a reason."

"Uh-huh…" Demyx continued to wait.

"Remember back in…like, March or something…Larxene left, and I wanted to go drinking, but you couldn't come because…because of your mom, and I ended up getting plastered and losing 200 dollars? And then the next weekend when we went out together, we found out the place I lost it was a gay whorehouse, and that's when I met Roxas?"

Demyx had been making intermittent hums of agreement through all of this. "And I found out about Zexion, yes."

"Right. Anyway, Roxas came last night to tell me that we actually met the weekend before, when I was alone, and that he kinda…stole my money."

"He _what?_"

Axel winced slightly. "Yeah…listen, OK? Apparently, he took me to a room…but he didn't really do much. I was drunk and passed out, and I guess he used to do this from time to time…lift money off drunk guys who don't know any better."

Demyx interrupted. "Axel…that's really bad. Do you realize what this means? He's a _thief_, Axel!"

"_Was_," Axel hastily corrected. "And last night, he came to return the money and…tell me the truth."

"Axel, that doesn't change the fact…"

"I know!" Axel sighed, his eyes squeezed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look Demyx…I know. He's done…bad things. I know that. But…" Axel inhaled deeply, yet his voice, when he spoke again, was very quiet. Sad, and determined.

"I don't care what he's done. It doesn't change anything. I'm in love with him…the person that he _is_…and nothing he could ever do will make me love him any less." Axel bit his lip briefly. "I told him I love him last night…and he's not going back to the guy who's been keeping him. He's staying with me."

Demyx had listened to this quietly. Finally, in a calm voice, he replied, "OK Axel. If that's how you feel about him…I'm just worried though, you know? I'm worried that whatever happened before, that made you shut up about him for months…that it'll happen again."

"I know…I don't think it will." Axel swirled his coffee, staring at its dark ripples and hoping.

"And what about this guy? Axel…if it's the same guy that raped him a couple weeks ago…"

"Probably is." Axel rubbed a palm over one eye.

"…yeah. And that was Xemnas. The guy who blackmailed Zexion and ruined his life, just because he wouldn't be a sex toy for that asshole. This is not a safe guy we're talking about here."

Axel had to admit to himself that he hadn't thought much about this. He nodded, thinking now. "Yeah…but what can he do? I mean, it's not like he can blackmail Roxas…the kid doesn't _have _ a life to ruin, and I already know everything."

Demyx was quiet for a moment. "From what we overheard, he raped Roxas because the kid dared to not come when he was called. He might be more violent now then he was with Zexion, you know."

For the first time, the danger Roxas was in began to seep into Axel's mind. He slowly absorbed the information Demyx had given him – on that night, Demyx and Zexion hadn't told him much about how they knew what was happening, and he hadn't asked for anything more. At the time, he didn't want to know. Now…this little detail gave the situation new weight. And the bruises and cuts on Roxas' body came vividly to mind. Those weren't hickeys on his skinny arms…that boy was getting battered. A sick, furious feeling rose up in Axel at the thought of anyone daring to hit Roxas, and he ground his teeth as he tried to fight it down and keep thinking.

Demyx was right. This guy was dangerous. He had to keep Roxas safe somehow…protect him and help him heal…and show him what _real_ love was like. If the blond had gone from 6 years of prostitution to…_this_…no wonder he didn't quite seem to understand love, beyond just sex.

This was…a lot to think about. A lot to worry about. Axel was beginning to realize that he didn't have nearly enough of a plan thought out for what he was going to do now. Because, apparently, just loving Roxas and living in peace wasn't going to be that simple.

"Axel?" Demyx's voice over the phone brought Axel back to the conversation.

"Yeah Dem. Still here."

"What are you gonna do?"

The redhead traced a finger around the rim of his coffee mug for a moment. "I'm not a hundred percent sure yet, to be honest. I'm going to have to do some thinking. But…" Axel leaned forward, setting the mug down on the coffee table. Elbows propped on knees, he spoke low, with decision. "…I'm not letting him go again. I wanna help him. I'll figure things out. I just…I love him."

"OK, Ax." There was a soft smile in Demyx's voice. After a moment's pause, Demyx spoke again, more energetically. "Hey! So anyway, when do I get to meet this guy, huh? Here you are, living with the love of your life, and I haven't even _met_ him yet!"

Axel rolled his eyes and grinned at Demyx's habit of exaggeration. "We're not _living together _Dem. And you don't have to call him the love of my life." Axel's cheeks reddened a bit at the embarrassingly romantic title.

"Why not? Isn't he?" Demyx's voice had taken on a note of teasing. Axel's blush deepened.

"That's not the point!"

"Oh yeah? What is?"

Axel's voice lowered to a humiliated grumble. "It…sounds girly." This awkward admission was met with a burst of laughter from Demyx's end, which didn't calm down again for several moments.

When Demyx could speak through his giggles again, he replied, "Fine, whatever Mr. Insecure. I'm coming over tomorrow to meet _Roxas_, and you better have a title for him thought up by then and introduce him by it, or I'll have to think of my _own_."

Axel growled at the threat, but agreed to the visit. Tomorrow was Sunday – like today, he was free. He said goodbye to Demyx and closed his phone, placing it on the coffee table and picking up his coffee again, to finish the warm drink off while pondering the current situation…and the future.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:**

Promise kept. ^.^ Miss you, sister.

* * *

Roxas had a dilemma.

He was standing in Axel's bathroom, wrapped in a towel and finishing the process of drying his hair with a second towel. In a few more minutes, he would rejoin Axel, and he needed to make a decision about something before then. The issue seemed ridiculously simple – not even a thing to think about – yet it was causing Roxas' lower lip to suffer a significant amount of punishment from nervous biting as he tried to make up his mind.

To clothe himself fully again, putting the T-shirt and loose pants back on, or to…not?

The deliberations were made even more difficult for the blond by his mood, which was so uncommonly happy that it confused him. It seemed like every silly cliché about being in love had decided to take up residence in Roxas' body this morning. So _this_ was what people meant by "butterflies in one's stomach". Roxas firmly shook his head, making a sudden, strong effort to dispel the unusual, confusing feeling.

_Think rationally…one thing at a time._

Axel had chosen him…had kissed him and told Roxas he wanted him. Then, he had stopped Roxas, prevented him from giving himself to Axel fully. And he'd said some confusing things about Roxas not understanding, and taking it slow…none of which made much sense, but Roxas was willing to go along with anything Axel wanted, as long as the man would continue to let him stay.

Then, they had spent the night together, and Roxas had woken up next to Axel. His heart still raced with happiness just remembering that. There had been good morning kisses, which somehow felt unique and wonderful…in spite of the unexpected presence of morning breath. But then, once again, Axel hadn't let things go any further than kissing.

Instead, Roxas had showered, and it had been such a lovely shower…simply by virtue of being a normal one. Roxas hardly ever took showers without being compelled to do so in order to cleanse certain parts of himself. He had always wondered what it must be like for normal people, to shower in the morning and _not_ have to wash the remains of sex off their bodies every day.

Today, he got to feel normal. It made him even happier. On top of all that, his most recent injuries were a few days old now, and didn't hurt in the shower…it was almost the first time in the last two months that he'd had such a nice experience. For the last few days, Xemnas hadn't been there to hurt him…

Xemnas…_Master_… Memories. A phone snapping in half, accompanied by a shudder of fear…

_No. _No, he would not think about that. Not now.

He felt good. He felt clean and normal, nothing hurt for a change (unless he pressed on some of the deeper bruises that were still healing), and he was with Axel, and Axel loved him, and he damn near worshipped Axel.

And…he wanted Axel. Therein lay the dilemma.

Before they had been separated, this man had ignited desires in Roxas that the blond had not felt before or since. Now, those desires were back…and Roxas didn't quite know how to overcome them. After all, he'd never had the experience of having to restrain himself over someone before. And right now, all he really wanted to do was go out to Axel wearing nothing but the towel he had on now, throw himself into the arms of the irresistible man, and beg to be taken.

He wanted to know what it would feel like…sex with someone he actually wanted. And at the same time, there was just the slightest awareness that it had been all of three and a half days since he'd had sex, and that was a long time, for Roxas. Apparently, his body wasn't used to the deprivation.

He wanted it. He wanted Axel. And he eyed the loose, unsexy clothing with distinct dislike.

On the other hand, he had to remind himself that Axel had said he didn't want to sleep with Roxas yet. He wanted to go slow. Considering that that was said last night, it seemed likely that Axel wouldn't have changed his mind yet.

Perhaps if Roxas tried tempting him…maybe then Axel would decide waiting wasn't worth it. How firm could such a resolve really be, anyway? Especially one based one such…vague and incomprehensible reasons. Roxas was sure, if he went out there like this – touched and kissed and moaned and tempted a bit – Axel would surely give in and take him. And it would be good…so _good_…

And yet! What if Axel got upset at him instead? Roxas didn't want to make the man angry…he didn't want to be thrown away. And, if there was one thing Roxas was good at, it was doing as he was told and pleasing the one who kept him. Even when he didn't like the orders…Roxas knew how to obey.

So, with a sigh, he picked up the drab, unattractive clothing and finally finished getting dressed. Another look in the mirror made the blond frown unhappily. He was _not_ excited about his appearance right now, and he felt more than a little uncomfortable at the idea of showing himself to Axel when he looked so plain. He wished he could put on something sexier, something more attractive…something that would make a better impression, maybe make Axel like him more and want to keep him. He was still afraid that the redhead would change his mind…especially if he saw Roxas looking this frumpy and decided he wasn't worth it.

Thus, as Roxas finally left the bathroom, dressed only in his own T-shirt and Axel's much-too-large and baggy pajama pants, the feeling of butterflies intensified in his stomach, making him feel almost sick.

Roxas stepped into the main room and saw Axel finishing a cup of coffee on the couch. His fingers nervously twisted at the bottom hem of his T-shirt as he stood, silently observing the man. After a moment, Axel got up, turning toward Roxas on his way to the kitchen and almost immediately stopping when he saw the blond across the room.

Roxas had no idea how unfounded his fears were, nor was he able to see, in that moment, the intense effect he had on the redhead.

-o-o-O-o-o-

Axel's breath caught as his heart promptly began thudding heavily in his chest, and, for a long moment, he could not force air back into his lungs…not that he was remembering to try. His mind and body and entire being were trained on the little blond standing barefoot in his living room. _God_, how beautiful Roxas looked. His clean blond hair was just slightly damp still, but looked so irresistibly fluffy, so incredibly touchable. Soft, lovely skin, and those eyes…those shining, hesitant, sweet blue _eyes_ looking at him, _watching _him, as Roxas stood there tugging at his own shirt nervously…Axel's whole body suddenly _ached_ to hold him, to press the boy close and kiss him and protect him and love him. He wanted Roxas, and he wanted to give him everything for his happiness, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life just…making Roxas smile.

Axel swallowed hard, almost frightened by the overwhelming rush of emotion. Then, carefully, he forced a smile that he hoped wouldn't give away the maddening flood of desire he was drowning under at the moment.

"Hey, Roxas. Good morning."

Roxas smiled uncertainly back at him. "Morning."

Axel resumed walking toward the kitchen. "You hungry? Want some breakfast?" He saw the blond slowly beginning to follow.

"Yeah…that would be good."

From the kitchen Axel asked, "What would you like to eat?" He rinsed out his coffee mug in the sink before turning to Roxas, who stood uncertainly by the table.

"Well, usually I just have eggs or something healthy like that." Axel recalled Roxas telling him once about his healthy diet, designed to help him maintain his figure.

"OK…so do you want eggs today, as usual, or would you like some waffles or something?"

Roxas blinked at him, seeming confused at first, before a wry expression took over. "Axel. I'll get fat if I eat like that."

Blithely, Axel leaned his elbows back on the counter and smiled at the little blond. "So?" Roxas seemed slightly taken aback by this response. Axel noted the startled look in the blue eyes, and, feeling slightly disheartened, made a mental note to do everything he could to show Roxas that he loved him no matter what the blond looked like.

"Uh…well…" Roxas seemed a bit confused. He looked to Axel expectantly. "What would _you_ like?"

Concealing a pang of worry behind a broader smile, Axel replied, "I would like…to cook you whatever _you_ want for breakfast."

"What…_I_ want?" The concept seemed to be taking a while to sink in, but Axel was glad to see that at least there was less surprise and disbelief in Roxas' confusion, now. Sighing, the redhead pushed off from the counter and walked around the table to Roxas.

"Roxas…Haven't you ever been with someone who asked you what you want before?" The blue eyes just quietly looked up at him, seeming to think for a moment, before Roxas slightly shook his head. Axel blew a breath out through his nostrils, looking down at Roxas with pity and bewilderment and love. He gently took the boy's hands, holding them tightly as he spoke.

"OK. Well, I want to know what _you_ want, because what you want is important to me. Little things like breakfast and big things like…like life plans or something – I want you to feel free to tell me. Because all the things that you want are just as important as the things I want…because I love you. And when you love someone, you care about their desires too." His voice was soft by this time, as he leaned close to Roxas, holding the boy's gaze. "OK?" Tenderly, Axel placed a quick kiss on Roxas' soft cheek.

The blond still seemed uncertain, but now, Axel was deeply pleased to see a half smile struggling through the confusion. Roxas slowly nodded.

"OK. So…" Axel released one of Roxas' hands and ran his fingers gently through the boy's _soft, soft, oh so beautiful and soft_ hair. "What do you want for breakfast?" He smiled encouragingly.

Roxas' smile finally broke free of his confusion, stunning Axel with its easy, gentle radiance. He had missed this smile so much.

"Waffles."

-o-o-O-o-o-

Saturday night, Zexion returned home from a full day of work, tired and footsore, but far from unhappy. Although Demyx wouldn't be over until _very_ late – he had a rare gig with his band tonight – there was still the promise that the smiling blond would be over later. As Zexion took off his shoes and put his keys on the counter, he hummed cheerfully to himself, already anticipating Demyx's company. Until then, he'd take a shower and read…

Zexion was interrupted in his planning by a sudden knock at the door. Surprised, he quickly began wondering if Demyx could have gotten done early and decided to show up sooner and surprise him. Hope lighting up his eyes, Zexion hurried to the door and pulled it open.

And froze.

Instantly, the color was gone from his face, leaving it ashen. His eyes were wide and empty…and for a long minute, Zexion didn't breathe.

"Hello, Zexion."

The unresponsive young man was pushed roughly back, as the two men at the door forced their way into his apartment, closing the door behind them.

-o-o-O-o-o-

When Demyx got home, he expected there to be lights on. He had received a text message from his boyfriend not to come over – Zexion would be waiting at his place instead. Suspecting nothing, Demyx texted back his agreement and finished his gig, then returned to his own apartment – not as dingy as the building Zexion lived in, but a little cheaper than Axel's place.

It surprised him when he opened the door to find a dark apartment. He frowned, confused, and called out, flicking the light on in the main room. "Zexion? You here?"

There was no answer. As Demyx put down his sitar case and the other bags he carried, an idea crossed his mind. Maybe Zexion was going to surprise him! Demyx loved surprises…he bit his lip with a smile, and, hoping he was right, headed for the bedroom.

He couldn't see a thing in the dark room, so he fumbled quietly for a minute before his hand found the familiar light switch and flipped it on. He located his boyfriend immediately…and just as quickly, his face fell.

Zexion was on his bed, huddled in a corner next to the wall, clutching a pillow tightly over his mouth as tears poured from his wide, staring eyes. He was shaking – Demyx could see it even from across the room – and he barely reacted to the light turning on.

In a flash, Demyx had run to his side, throwing himself on the bed and wrapping his arms tightly around his lover. "Zexion! Zexion, what's wrong? What happened?" His voice was high and frantic and pleading. Demyx desperately tried to soothe his oblivious boyfriend, running his hands through slate hair, rubbing his back, and wiping away the tears, whispering "It's OK, it's OK" over and over again.

After a long minute, Zexion responded, taking a deep, shuddering breath and finally focusing on Demyx. As he looked into terrified aquamarine eyes, Zexion broke, releasing the pillow and reaching instead for Demyx, clinging to him and sobbing against his neck.

His mind reeling with worry and his heart breaking at seeing his lover's pain, Demyx desperately continued to try to comfort Zexion, holding him and letting him cry until finally, after a long, long time and once Demyx's shirt was very wet with tears, the man calmed down.

Very softly and carefully, trying not to alarm his lover, Demyx asked, "Zexion. Can you tell me what happened?"

Teary red eyes looked into his, making Demyx's heart break again, as Zexion sniffled, his fingers balled in Demyx's shirt. Demyx waited silently, giving his boyfriend as much time as he needed.

-o-o-O-o-o-

"So good to see you again, Zexion. It's been quite a while." Xemnas' finger stroked feather-light down Zexion's cheek. The contact snapped the slate-haired man out of the shock he had gone into when he first saw the two men at his door. With a choked cry, he snapped backward…directly into Saïx's chest. The blue-haired man wasted no time in roughly grabbing Zexion's arms, twisting them behind his back, and turning him back to face Xemnas, unable to move.

His eyes were impossibly wide, and his breathing shallow and rapid…Zexion would soon be hyperventilating. However, he couldn't spare a thought for that – he had no thoughts. Terror had wiped his mind clean; he was blank and empty and frantic. And Xemnas' fingers were now gliding into his hair.

"Still so beautiful…your fear is…delectable." The gentle fingers suddenly gripped harshly, almost tearing slate hair from Zexion's scalp, twisting his neck at a painful angle as he was forced to look up at the man towering over him.

"However, that's not why I came." Xemnas continued in a conversational tone. As he spoke, his other hand began to move along Zexion's body, fingers lazily exploring him with a touch that made Zexion's skin crawl and stomach twist.

"You have a neighbor, Zexion, who lives below you one floor. A blond boy called Roxie. Have you met him?" This time, Xemnas waited for a response. When none was forthcoming from the paralyzed man, his bored yellow eyes suddenly hardened. His roaming hand moved down…and Zexion jerked convulsively as Xemnas roughly grabbed his crotch.

"No…no!" He struggled frantically as those unrelenting fingers kneaded him, until Zexion heard Saïx hissing in his ear.

"Better settle down, little bitch. Or else _I_ get you." All Zexion's movements stopped. Xemnas smirked as his fingers continued to move.

"That's right…I've promised Saïx that, if you misbehave, I'll allow him to take over this conversation…and I know how eager he is for another taste of this body." Feeling himself on the verge of vomiting, Zexion fell limp.

"Now…about this neighbor…"

"I don't know him." Zexion's voice sounded hollow and flat.

"You've never met him? You don't know where he might be? Even though you live so close?" The threatening tone in Xemnas' voice was accompanied by a painful squeeze of his hand.

"Nngh! No! I don't know anyone here…I might have seen him before, but I have no idea where he would be!" The hand touching him slackened slightly as Xemnas studied him.

"Really? Too bad for you, I suppose." Before Zexion could wonder what he meant, he gasped in horror. Deliberate fingers had moved to draw down the zipper on his jeans, unfastening them and allowing that violating hand to slip inside his pants and resume kneading and stroking him.

Xemnas' voice was airy and casual. "You see, Zexion, that boy is mine. And he has disappeared. Now I've had Saïx waiting outside to inform me when he returns, but it has already been 24 hours. I've checked the only other contacts I know of – there are almost none – and I can't find him. Instead, by an amazing coincidence, I've found you, living right here beside him all along. I thought you might be able to help me find him…but apparently you won't be able to do that. So instead…" Xemnas leaned in, and in spite of Zexion's involuntary withdrawal against Saïx's chest, the white-haired man closed in on him…until his teeth harshly closed on Zexion's neck. When he spoke again, his voice had lowered to a deadly growl.

"…I think I'll use you as his replacement, my frightened beauty."

Instantly, Zexion was begging, his voice high and weak and trembling with strain. "No, no, no no no nononono I know him let me go, don't, I know him!"

Smirking, Xemnas pulled back, but only slightly. "Where is he?"

A dry sob wracked Zexion's helpless body. "I don't know…I've met him, I know him, but I don't know where he goes and I don't know where he is now, I swear, don't hurt me, please, please…"

Xemnas' face had darkened again. "So you don't know after all…" He moved in again, Zexion tensing wildly.

"I could ask some people! I might…be able to find out…!" Xemnas paused at this, and studied the helpless man thoughtfully.

"That…might prove useful. I suppose I could be so kind as to give you a chance…"

Wild, mindless hope possessed Zexion, but he could only nod. Xemnas studied him for another moment, before leaning in again.

"All right. I'll give you a chance. Find him. But Zexion…" His tone become warning again as Xemnas placed a cautionary finger on Zexion's trembling lips. "I should let you know…your video was so lovely that even after I ruined you with it, I decided to keep it around. I still have it…and, if there's anyone in your life now who hasn't seen it…" He trailed off, allowing Zexion's sharp mind to easily piece together the threat.

_He'll find out about Demyx…he'll show __**that**__…to Demyx…_

"Don't betray me." With that final command, Xemnas turned. Saïx released Zexion's arms, only to grab him by the neck and lean in for a final hissing whisper.

"Or maybe this time, we'll give your friends a live show." With that, he hurled Zexion to the ground and turned to follow Xemnas.

Zexion remained frozen where he'd fallen until the door closed and the sound of footsteps faded away. Then he snapped to life.

His memories were hazy, blurred by his panicked rush. Grabbing a few things he needed…leaving…fear of being followed, fear of Demyx coming here and being discovered by _them_ right away. Panic, again. Then…he turned away from the front entrance. There was a fire escape in the back…and Zexion was about 95 percent certain none of the alarms were working in this fire-trap. He'd been right. He'd escaped, nearly falling several times as he scrambled down the metal framework. Then, just in case they had seen him, he spent the next two hours weaving thorough the city, making certain he lost anyone who might be trying to track him. At some point, he'd sent Demyx the text, keeping him away from Zexion's building.

At no point did he break down. His movements were mechanically efficient, with an ever-present edge of terror driving him on.

At last, he reached Demyx's apartment, certain that he wasn't being followed. He slipped inside and stumbled through the darkness, reaching the bedroom without being sure how. Then…there was Demyx's scent, and as he breathed it in and longed for his lover to be there in person, the strain finally cracked that tiny bit deeper, and the tears began to stream from his empty eyes.

A long time had passed – it felt like an eternity – and then Demyx was there, and everything came pouring out in seemingly endless sobs. Demyx was there, and the nightmare was over…

And when he lay at last, cradled in the concerned blond's arms, exhausted, and Demyx asked him what had happened…he didn't know what to say. Finally, with pleading eyes, he turned to his lover.

"Please…can I tell you in the morning? I can't…I can't face it again right now…and I'm so tired…please Demyx…I'm so tired…"

"Shhh, of course, it's OK, Zexion it's OK. If you need to wait, I'll wait. Just…promise me that it's something that _can_ wait?" The worry was still painfully obvious in Demyx's clear eyes.

Slowly, Zexion nodded. This much was probably true…one night wouldn't matter. "Yes. It can wait. Nothing will happen…tomorrow we can talk."

Demyx nodded reluctantly. "OK. We'll talk then. Now, we'll sleep. Come on, love." Disregarding their clothing, only pausing to pull Zexion's shoes off, which he still wore, Demyx pulled back the covers and lay his lover down, immediately cuddling up next to him and closing his comforting arms around Zexion's still-trembling body.

Surrounded by warmth and the scent of Demyx, Zexion quickly slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep, his lover humming a quiet, soothing lullaby.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:**

God. _Damn_.

I could write you a short book on my various frustrations with this fic at this point…but I'll spare you. I'll just…toss this out there, and hope that posting it somehow removes the _fucking block_ I've got going here. Things have been too happy lately… DX

I'll try to do better, y'all. My soul has been eaten by "Through The Shadow" at the moment, but I'll try to get it back and put more into this one again. *helpless grin*

* * *

Sunday morning came, bright and warm, with green leaves sparkling wetly in the sun and sidewalks quickly drying. It had rained during the night, and the air was fresh and a bit humid, and it was going to be a very warm day in late June.

The first feathery touches of consciousness were largely ignored by Axel, who preferred to keep his eyes shut for as long as possible. However, a tickle on his cheek made one vacant green eye twitch open to discover…nothing in view but blond hair. With that realization, the redhead lost all his antipathy for waking up. He opened his sleepy eyes gradually, already smiling as he became aware of the warm body wrapped in his arms. Roxas was breathing deeply and evenly, and Axel sighed with contentedness as he felt the young man's chest rise and fall under his hand.

The last few steps to full consciousness, however, came with a sudden shock when Axel realized just exactly where his hands _were_. His eyes shot wide open as he simultaneously kicked himself and thanked the fates that he had woken up first today. Yesterday, when Roxas had awakened him, his arms had been appropriately placed around a thin waist. Today, he had to slowly and carefully – trying to not disturb Roxas – move one hand up and one hand down before they were in that acceptably innocent position.

When his hands had been moved back to where they should be, Axel relaxed again…and adamantly refused to allow his mind to dwell on the feeling of where he _had_ touched, inadvertently. The last thing he needed was a traitorously aroused body first thing in the morning – his mind was hard enough to control as it was, and Roxas didn't need any mixed messages adding to his confusion about their relationship.

Instead, he gently breathed in the scent of blond hair. Almost reflexively, his mind began to struggle with the usual question about the future, about what he was going to do about the unusual and precarious situation. However, as Axel relaxed with his arms around Roxas' warm body, future worries seemed to fade, and he found himself instead recalling the day before with an almost silly smile growing on his face.

-o-o-O-o-o-

After having waffles for breakfast with Roxas, Axel had been stuck in the awkward position of wondering what the hell he was supposed to do on a Saturday with an unexpected new roommate. Especially when, one, they hadn't arrived at any definite plans regarding the near future; two, that new roommate didn't have any suggestions of his own and just wanted to do whatever Axel commanded; and three, all Axel's ideas for how to spend a day off with the object of his desires were absolutely not allowed…yet.

There had been a few awkward silences as attempts at conversation failed. Axel was trying to figure out what exactly he was going to do. Was it ridiculous to ask Roxas to move in with him properly right now? The situation was so complicated…and Roxas _did _have his own place…and even if he asked, how could he do so without making Roxas think that he had to comply out of obedience to Axel's wishes? Axel already could see how desperately Roxas seemed to want to please him. He could well imagine why, given the boy's history. Teaching Roxas how to have a normal, healthy, _equal_ relationship was going to be tricky.

They struck upon the answer to their Saturday dilemma quite by accident.

"So…I suppose I'll get dressed…and, uh, maybe we can find some clothes for you…"

Roxas looked at him skeptically. "I didn't think I'd need to state the obvious, Axel, but I seriously doubt that anything of yours will fit me."

Axel grimaced slightly and scratched his head. "Ah, I guess you're right. Well…" He paused, searching for words. "Maybe if…if we went by your place, you could pick up a few things? Like…stuff for a couple days, at least?" He wasn't sure if this gave Roxas the right idea – honestly, he wanted to suggest that the boy cancel his lease on Monday, but that was probably too sudden – but at least he wanted the blond to know that he was much, much more than welcome to stay over for a while.

Roxas looked down uncertainly, one small hand coming up to absently tug at one ear, tracing around the cartilage. "I think it might be a bad idea for me to go back there…at least for today. I mean," he looked up nervously at Axel, "I don't mean to barge in or anything, it's just that…_he_ might be poking around there, looking for me…and I don't want to run into him…and I thought you might not want that either…"

Axel mentally slapped himself. Then, for good measure, he lightly hit his forehead for real. "Of course, what the hell was I thinking? I'm sorry Roxas, that completely skipped my mind." He grinned ruefully at the boy, who seemed to be slightly speechless.

"No…that's…"

"Stupid and thoughtless of me. Yes, yes it is. And hey." Axel reached out and took Roxas' hand across the kitchen table. "It's right to apologize for being thoughtless, so don't tell me not to, OK? I'm sorry, Roxas." He gently smiled, squeezing the blond's hand.

"I…forgive…you?" Roxas still seemed very uncertain, like he was guessing at what he should do in such a situation. Axel couldn't contain his grin at how adorable it was.

"Thanks." He beamed. Roxas hesitantly returned the smile, and another pause developed between them as they both got a little lost in looking at each other, forgetting what they had been talking about until Roxas brought it up again.

"S-so…what should we do?"

It took Axel a moment to remember what the subject of conversation had been. "Oh right…um, I don't really know. Maybe we could go by there later…tomorrow or something? To get whatever you need?"

Roxas frowned, thinking. "Actually…I don't have much. Most of my belongings aren't things I need. They can stay there a while just as well as anywhere. Most of my daily use stuff…um, isn't needed anymore, I think. All I need would be shampoo and toothpaste and such, unless you want me using yours." He grinned shyly at Axel. "And…well, to be honest, I've only got maybe one other outfit besides the one I wore here that…um…that I want to wear. The rest of my clothes…I'd kinda rather burn, if you know what I mean." The grin had faded into a distinctly uncomfortable expression as Roxas glanced up at Axel again. The redhead responded by squeezing the hand he still held and nodding.

"That's OK, I understand. You don't have to be so careful, Roxas." Axel was trying to relax the boy, cheer him up. And just at that moment, he had a lifesaving idea.

"I know what we'll do." He grinned slyly. "I just so happen to have on hand a couple hundred dollars I wasn't expecting, and nothing I really need. _You_ need a new wardrobe. It's Saturday. Let's go shopping." Then, to forestall any arguments, Axel smiled invitingly. "Roxas…will you accompany me shopping today? Like, a date?"

"D-date?" Roxas reddened. Axel waited, his gaze unwavering as he watched Roxas go from shock to uncertainty to embarrassment that slowly melted into happiness. Finally, the blond answered through an involuntary smile, "I'd…love to."

"Great. It's a date then."

Of course, Axel had still had to insist several times on paying for the clothes Roxas needed, particularly since the extra money he had been referring to was the 200 dollars that Roxas had come back to return. In the end, he had won Roxas over by flat-out telling the blond boy that he wanted to do this, and he wasn't going to demand that Roxas agree or anything, but would he please let Axel give him this much? And Roxas had finally agreed, and Axel was almost certain from his response that he wasn't just trying to appease and obey Axel.

Axel, for his part, gave in to Roxas a bit as well – the blond absolutely couldn't think of going to mall stores for clothing…far too expensive. Axel was forced to see sense on that point in spite of his instinctive desire for Roxas to have the best of everything – 200 dollars was enough for a new wardrobe, but not an expensive one. Instead, they browsed through the clearance racks at a couple department stores, before Roxas' continued insistence found them exchanging the mall for a few different secondhand and surplus stores. Axel wasn't particularly happy about going _this_ cheap, and thoroughly inspected everything Roxas picked out, making sure it was of sufficient quality for the blond's use. Roxas, however, was easy to fit and had a sharp eye for bargains – Axel was truly impressed by the end of the day – and their shopping trip was extremely fruitful.

Axel treated Roxas to dinner – _not_ out of the 200 dollars, out of his own money, since it was their first proper dinner out together, not to mention Roxas' first real date in his life. Axel found a quiet restaurant with a degree of privacy and a suitably romantic atmosphere. It was hard for Axel to pay attention to his food – Roxas' features in the soft lighting entranced him so completely. By the end of dinner, they weren't _exactly_ playing footsies or anything…but neither one seemed inclined to withdraw their ankles from gentle contact with the other's.

Afterwards, they made one last stop at Wal-Mart for shampoo and other necessities for Roxas. That last part of the day was almost as wonderful as dinner for Axel, in spite of the much less pleasant atmosphere – fluorescent lights and crackling loudspeaker announcements were hardly romantic, but it reminded him of their first time out together at this very same Wal-Mart.

It seemed like years had passed, so much had happened, but Axel was delighted to see that Roxas was doing better now. Even throughout their day shopping, he had relaxed a great deal and was now smiling freely in Axel's company. He was almost as cheerful as he had been back then…before his sister's death. Axel had dared to hope that Roxas would finally have a chance at a little bit of happiness.

And, throughout the whole day, Axel had managed to only _imagine_ forcing his way into a changing room with Roxas and having his way with a half-dressed blond. He had also successfully kept his hands mostly to himself and his eyes mostly in the right places all day. And, even better, without Axel doing or saying anything Roxas had reached out and taken his hand several different times as they walked between stores. It had been comfortable and easy and breathtaking for Axel, and he could no longer think of anything else he'd have chosen to do that day instead.

Then, after returning to Axel's apartment, the two had spent some time unpacking things, Axel cleaning up a bit and making space in his closet and bureau for Roxas' clothes. Finally, exhausted, both Axel and Roxas had dragged themselves over to the sofa and crashed in front of the TV, barely remembering to bring along the drinks they had gotten themselves when they returned.

The evening news was turned down low and Axel was staring hazily at the screen, not seeing much. All he could think was how perfect this was, being here with Roxas. He'd never enjoyed a shopping date in his life, but it was different with Roxas than it was with girls. Shopping with girlfriends had always been so unbearably nerve-wracking and boring…Axel wondered with vague amusement if he had ever really gotten along with girls as well as he'd always assumed. _Probably not, after all_. The faintest tired grin stretched his lips as he realized that even that thought no longer bothered him like it once would have.

Axel was distracted from his reverie by soft fingers tentatively weaving into his, and a gentle pressure as Roxas squeezed his hand and scooted closer. The corners of Axel's eyes crinkled as he lifted his arm, making space for Roxas to cuddle up close. A blond head rested heavily on his shoulder as Roxas played idly with Axel's hand.

"Axel?"

"Mm-hmm?"

A slight pause. "I had fun today. Thank you for everything."

He squeezed Roxas' shoulders gently. "You're welcome. Me too."

There was another, longer pause as the two young men mostly ignored the television, their attention drawn instead to the warmth of each other's bodies and the rhythm of the other's breathing. Then, Roxas' quiet voice spoke again.

"Axel?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I…can I kiss you? I mean…kissing is OK, right?"

A thrill of delight ran down Axel's spine, and the redhead turned his body toward Roxas. "Yeah…" He smiled, his free hand coming up to caress Roxas' cheek. "God, you're cute."

Roxas breathed a sigh of relief; thin arms quickly wound around Axel's neck, tugging him closer. The man felt as if his heart stopped when Roxas pressed their lips together, and he relaxed into the kiss, letting his eyes slip shut as they began to move slowly together.

Axel didn't want to ever pull away from that kiss, and it seemed that Roxas was likewise unwilling to separate. They stayed that way for a long time, slowly and gently touching and gradually moving closer, lips parting more and more by tiny degrees. Roxas' hands slipping down to Axel's neck, then slowly lower until they were pressed against his chest. Axel couldn't suppress an involuntary shudder of pleasure…and a moment later, something in Roxas seemed to snap. The boy whimpered eagerly and all at once he was pressing closer, kissing Axel deeper, and almost crawling on top of the redhead.

Axel, for his part, was taken off guard. By the time he had gathered the sense to realize that he needed to put a stop to this now, Roxas' hands had slipped up under his shirt and the blond was almost in Axel's lap.

Freeing his hands quickly, Axel gently gripped the boy's shoulders and pushed Roxas back. "Roxas…" _Roxas what? _ He paused for a word – "stop" wasn't right, he didn't want to stop _completely_ – and Roxas was immediately apologizing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…you said not to, I'm sorry…I did something you don't like…"

_Never mind, "stop" is right after all._ "Roxas hold on, stop!" Axel took a deep breath before he met the scared blue eyes that watched him. Tenderly, he wrapped his arms around Roxas' shoulders to reassure him. "Don't apologize. It's OK. I'm not mad."

"But you told me not to do that…I'm sor-I mean…I just couldn't help it…"

"Roxas. Calm down." Axel waited a deep-breath moment before continuing. "OK. Tell me one thing." Roxas waited, uncertain. "Why did you do that?"

The blue eyes looked down as Axel waited patiently, hoping the answer wouldn't have something to do with trying to please him. Roxas finally spoke, without looking up.

"I just…really wanted to. I know you said no, so I'm trying but…I…I want you so much." A slightly trembling hand came up to clutch in blond hair. "I've wanted you since we were meeting up for those interviews, and now I don't know what to do. I've never wanted anyone like this before, and I don't know how to…to stop. Even if you tell me to." Blue eyes glanced up helplessly at last.

Axel felt a wave of relief wash over him, followed by a barely-concealed shiver as his heart sped up a bit, hearing Roxas' confession. He sighed, then moved closer to softly kiss the boy's temple.

"It's all right…there's nothing wrong with that. And…I'm happy to hear it, actually. I feel the same way, you know. I want you, too."

"Then _why_…"

Axel quickly touched a few fingertips to the soft lips. "I'm just trying to look out for you." He pulled back, locking eyes with Roxas as he slowly explained, searching the blue gaze for understanding.

"I want you because I love you – it's natural. And of course I'd be happy that you want me too. But remember, I also care about what's best for you, again, because I love you. And you've had a hard life, Roxas. People have treated you the wrong way, and it's to be expected that you would need some time to recover from that." Roxas glanced away, and Axel immediately drew his face back, gently maintaining eye contact.

"No…I don't want you to be ashamed of your past. None of it was your fault. What's more, I don't care about it. Nothing you've done can change my love for you. You don't need to be afraid. The only reason I bring it up is because I want to make sure you are free of it before we go that far. I'm free of it, and when you are too, then we can have a relationship that isn't held back by all that. And…" Axel smiled, "There's no rush. I can wait."

Roxas seemed to be struggling to hold back tears, but Axel wasn't worried. He had seen comprehension in those blue eyes as he spoke…not blank confusion. He was sure that at least some of what he'd said had made sense to Roxas…in fact, the tears were probably proof of it. Axel felt relieved, and he drew Roxas forward into a tight hug.

The boy's thin body shook with a few quiet sobs before he calmed himself down. When Axel felt a gentle push, he relaxed his hold and let Roxas pull back. The blond was wiping his eyes and smiling, awkwardly and helplessly.

"I'm sorry…I seem to cry an awful lot. Not very tough…" Roxas broke into a shaky chuckle. "I'm not always like this, you know!"

Axel shook his head, smiling. "No, I know. You've just got a lot to deal with right now, huh?" Roxas nodded, seeming relieved, as he calmed down again. "It's been a long day, too," Axel continued. "We should probably go to bed."

Roxas agreed, and together they had gotten ready for bed. It had been a very long time since Axel had had someone staying overnight. It had been months since his last girlfriend moved out. Even Demyx hadn't crashed at Axel's apartment in a very long time, not since he started going out with Zexion. The redhead was forced to remember that living with someone meant developing a rhythm – one which he and Roxas so far lacked. They continually got in one another's way, shuffling around the small bathroom awkwardly as they brushed their teeth or having to give one another privacy to change. Axel was amused at the clumsiness that sharing a living space with someone new brought, but he couldn't get annoyed. Instead, he happily imagined what it would be like when he and Roxas had developed an easy routine together – tossing each other pajamas, swapping use of the sink effortlessly…

"Axel, if you don't mind my asking, what are you grinning like an idiot about?" The redhead was brought back to the present with a start, to see Roxas giving him a bemused look as he prepared to crawl into Axel's bed.

"Nothing," the man replied with a chuckle at himself. "Just daydreaming. Come on, let's get some sleep."

Snuggled close together, both young men soon drifted off, exhausted from the long day, but perfectly content.

-o-o-O-o-o-

All this played through Axel's mind swiftly but pleasantly, like a familiar but favorite movie, and the redhead was once again grinning like a fool to himself. Being with Roxas…was like a dream. Everything was so perfect, and none of the bad things hovering around seemed real. Roxas was getting better already – Axel could see the young man opening up, gently and slowly, but steadily – and he was rather proud of himself as well for how maturely he'd been acting lately.

_Love brings out the best in people I guess. _He was enjoying that thought when another intruded, making him mentally kick himself again. _And then, after all that gallantry, I grope him in my sleep. Brilliant. _Apparently Axel would have to rethink the wisdom of sharing a bed as a long-term arrangement.

His fingers idly traced delicate patterns on Roxas' stomach as his thoughts turned to the future. After all, this was no ordinary new roommate. They hadn't even defined their relationship with each other, let alone said anything about how long Roxas would be staying. Axel was sure it was hoping for too much to think that the blond would just live with him from now on. _Probably unrealistic…_ Then, a new thought hit him. _What's Roxas going to do during the day while I'm at work? Sit around and watch TV? Maybe get a regular job? I've got to go to work tomorrow…_ For that matter, Axel hadn't thought much about the agenda for _today._ He sighed inwardly. _I don't think about much else when Roxas is around, I guess. OK…today. Oh, Demyx was going to come over…_

Glancing at the clock, Axel realized he probably needed to get up – it was almost noon already. Roxas was still sleeping, although he was stirring slightly from time to time. Axel smiled adoringly at the sweet face of the blond, then leaned over slightly and gently kissed the shell of his ear, whispering, "Wake up, Roxas."

When the blond didn't open his eyes, Axel gently moved a hand up to the lovely face and touched the delicate chin, carefully guiding Roxas' face toward his own, bringing those slightly-parted lips within reach.

"Mmmm…" A sleepy, pleasured hum from the blond slightly vibrated against Axel's lips, and he watched the brilliant blue eyes open and focus on him, smiling softly a moment later as Roxas returned the soft pressure. Axel's hand slid along Roxas' jaw line and into the blond hair, no longer needed to keep their lips in contact.

Then, a moment later, Roxas pulled back with a slight exclamation. "Ah! Wait…hang on a second…" Sleepily, the young man turned away and groped for the bedside table. His hand struck upon a container of something, which Roxas grabbed and turned back to Axel with, clumsily fumbling with the lid. The next moment, Axel felt Roxas pressing something between his lips.

The powerful taste of mint hit his senses as he watched Roxas pop a breath saver into his own mouth. Axel rolled his eyes and grinned as he sucked on the tablet. "So _this_ is what you bought these for?"

"Mmm," Roxas smiled, tossed the container away and snuggled close, his arms winding around Axel and his thin body pressing against Axel's, their legs getting even more tangled than before. "Now I don't have to get up and brush my teeth…I can stay right here and kiss you. As soon as we finish these…"

He was interrupted by a crunching sound as Axel demolished his breath mint in a few chomps. Opening his mouth a moment later, he grinned. "See? All gone."

Roxas only smirked and likewise quickly finished his mint. Then, without a word, the smaller young man pushed Axel over onto his back, laying his body weight fully on Axel as he kissed the redhead heatedly.

Axel knew this was a bad idea – his mind was whining with feeble protests about getting up and not straining his self-control any further – but, for the moment, he couldn't summon the willpower to care. He could feel the entire length of Roxas' body on top of him, and hands running wildly through his hair, and passionate kisses that moved from his mouth down to his jaw and then neck…and he never wanted to tell Roxas to stop, he never wanted to cut off this thrilling heat spreading through him or deny the happiness that was making his heart race even more than Roxas' embrace.

In the end, it was Roxas who put a stop to it this time…and for once, he didn't apologize. He simply slowed down, then pulled back, smiling slightly ruefully.

"I guess we better get up now, huh?"

And Axel wanted to growl in frustration for a moment, before that feeling was washed away by delight and pride to see Roxas doing the right thing on his own.

"Yeah…" Axel sighed, gazing at Roxas with a slightly dreamy expression. The blond smiled back at him, then moved to get off. Axel, however, caught Roxas' arm and held him a moment more.

"Hey…you're amazing, you know that?"

Blue eyes blinked at him, surprised. "I'm what?"

"You're amazing. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"I love you."

Roxas seemed to melt, and he leaned back toward Axel, his voice soft. "Axel…" He hesitated. Axel just smiled.

"That's all I wanted to say. Come on, we gotta get up. We're expecting company today."

"Company?" Roxas followed as Axel disentangled himself from the sheets and climbed out of bed.

"Yeah, Demyx – that friend of mine, you've seen him once I think but I don't know if you remember – he wanted to come over and meet you and…" Axel paused, remembering something. "Shit…"

Roxas was already at the door, but paused and looked back. "Something wrong?"

Axel shook his head. "No…I just realized that he wants to be introduced…" He trailed off again, thinking, and after a moment raised questioning eyes to Roxas. The blond merely raised his eyebrows back and shrugged slightly, as if asking, "And? So?" Axel awkwardly scratched at his abdomen, then shuffled forward.

In the doorway of his bedroom, he took Roxas' hands, one at a time, and steeled himself. _This is so damn embarrassing…he's gonna laugh…_ He took a deep breath.

"Roxas…uhh…can I call you my boyfriend?"

Blue eyes blinked once at him, startled. A complex mix of emotions seemed to flicker over Roxas' face, but in the end his expression became happy, a smile growing slowly as he bit his bottom lip in a way that made Axel want to do the same.

"Does…does that mean I could call you my boyfriend too?"

Axel nodded, beginning to grin. "Of course."

Still smiling, Roxas leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Axel's waist and leaning his head on the man's chest. Axel's felt his heart speeding up again.

"I've never had a boyfriend before…it sounds wonderful."

"Me either. Does that mean 'OK'?" Axel asked with a chuckle, stroking blond hair gently.

Roxas leaned back and shot him a bemused look. "Yeah Axel. It means 'definitely.' What did you think it meant? 'Maybe next week'?"

And, sarcasm or not, Axel couldn't quite let them both go get dressed without kissing Roxas just one more time, lingering together and enjoying the warmth of his first boyfriend's kiss.

-o-o-O-o-o-


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:**

Wow. (Sorry, this AN will be long.) *dies*

Well, I started kicking myself in the ass to get myself writing on this because it was Kat's birthday, and I thought, frick, if I can't come up with something unique to write her, I gotta at least dedicate a chapter of this to her. So, though late, this is still birthday-dedicated to the wonderful Katja (aka Kuraieshi or Memorialfire). ^.^

And _then_ Kiki (aka Atomic-Clover) shook things up like _woah_. I mean, her exuberance as she read this was already enough, I was goin nuts trying to find more time to write because she encouraged me so, and _then_. That beautiful art…which I _still_ can't believe (check my profile for a link) and which led a whole lot more readers here. So this is for Kiki too, and also for all the readers, thanks for the wonderful support!

I only wish I could have made this chapter more exciting for all of you, but I can't screw with the plot plans, and things _just. Keep. Taking. Longer._ Soon! I hope to make it more exciting again very soon! (And yes, I am _really_ gonna put some effort into this again.)

Final notes: y'all don't have any faith in Zexion, LMAO. XD And, if you submit an unsigned review, that's cool, thanks, but if you want a reply you gotta give me an email addy or something. c:

* * *

Roxas was helping Axel prepare for company. He was just bringing the chips out to where they had arranged extra seating around the coffee table when there was a knock on the door.

"That'll be Dem, I'll get it." With these words and an encouraging smile – he knew Roxas was just a _little_ nervous about this introduction – Axel headed for the door.

Roxas finished setting out the chips and moved to follow as Axel opened the door. "Hey Dem-…oh, you brought Zexion. Hey, welcome, come on in." Axel was already extending a hand toward Roxas as the two other men stepped inside, and Roxas nervously reached out to take the hand. Two guests…_OK, everything will be fine. They'll both be nice people who will like you…_

Axel was wasting no time. "Demyx, I would like to introduce you to Roxas, _my boyfriend_." A shiver of delight traced down Roxas' spine at the words, and a glance at Axel showed his green eyes sparkling slightly with pleasure. Roxas was sure they were both probably a little pink, too.

Axel coughed once as the sandy-blond, apparently Demyx, beamed radiantly at the both of them. "And Roxas, this is my best friend, Demyx, and this is Dem's boyfriend, Zexion."

"Nice to meet you." Roxas managed to force his greeting to sound calm and casual. Zexion nodded, smiling coolly, but Demyx reached forward and took Roxas' free hand, shaking it hard.

"Roxas, _so_ nice to _finally_ meet you officially. I suppose it hardly needs to be said, but I have heard a _lot_ about you from _this_ guy." A toss of Demyx's head indicated Axel, while Roxas was momentarily distracted – he was both a little overwhelmed by the friendly greeting, and a little surprised at the…extremely _odd_ hairstyle of the other blond.

Axel intervened, possessively drawing Roxas away a bit. "Easy Dem; try not to break his hand." Both of them laughed slightly, and Axel turned to the other guest. "But this is great that Zexion could come to. Now we all get to meet each other all at once. I've got stuff for lunch too, by the way. You guys eat?"

Zexion was still smiling slightly and not answering – which struck Roxas as a little odd – while Demyx shook his head and happily replied that they'd love some lunch. At the same time, there was the briefest flash of a more serious expression communicated between Axel and Demyx. Roxas caught it because his attention was always half on Axel – a curious, questioning, concerned glance escaped the redhead, flashing toward Zexion before fixing the unspoken confusion on Demyx. Roxas just caught an answering glance that seemed to warn Axel off, slightly, with the briefest headshake.

A moment later, however, Zexion finally spoke, addressing Axel very quietly. "Sorry…could I use your restroom?"

"Yeah sure, you know where it is?" Zexion nodded and was off, while Axel turned and began to lead Roxas and Demyx to the sitting area.

Roxas was glancing curiously after the slate-haired man, still tightly grasping Axel's hand, when he heard the redhead whisper to Demyx, "What's up with Zex? He OK?"

Demyx's answer was also a whisper, "I dunno man, something happened but he wouldn't tell me everything, just said he'd come along. Apparently," Demyx glanced at Roxas, thinking, then seemed to decide that excluding the blond wasn't necessary. His lowered tones raised slightly to include Roxas, "Apparently something happened yesterday that concerns all of us. That's what he said, anyway. He was really freaked out last night…and I wondered if maybe it had something to do with…you know."

Axel looked worried, but Roxas leaned in, curious. "With what?"

Reluctance visible in his expression, Demyx hesitated, glancing at Axel before explaining to Roxas in one terrible word.

"Xemnas."

Roxas felt his blood run cold. He froze, eyes wide and uncomprehending. _How…?_ But Axel was already there, comforting.

"It's OK, Rox, he's not here, you're gonna be fine. There are some…connections you don't know about yet. We'll have to explain everything. Don't worry though…I'm going to take care of you."

The words filtered through, but what really eased the thudding of Roxas' hectic heartbeat was the warm pressure of Axel's arms around him.

Nodding, Roxas allowed himself to be led to the couch, Axel quickly fetching him a drink, Demyx telling him what he and Zexion would like and settling himself in a chair. As Roxas carefully brought his breathing back to normal, he noticed the other blond smiling at him.

"You've had it tough, huh? Poor guy…" The man was sympathetic, but Roxas didn't detect anything like…pity. It was…nice. Companionable and open. Roxas found himself already liking Demyx, who was apparently the single most laid-back and friendly person in the world.

Before he could even reply, however, Axel was returning. At the same time, Zexion emerged, making his way for Demyx directly. The blond stood up, immediately focused on his boyfriend, softly questioning, "You OK, Zexy?" The quiet man nodded and sat down, and soon all four of the young men had settled themselves around the chips and drinks.

The cheerful blond across from Roxas sighed happily. "Well, Axel, here we are. Only a couple months ago, it was just you and me all the time. And now we've both got boyfriends." He chuckled lightly. "Who'd have guessed?"

Axel agreed good-naturedly, and Roxas listened quietly as the two exchanged some lighthearted chatter. He noticed, however, that Axel didn't seem entirely relaxed. And Zexion was still quiet, although pleasant… Still, Demyx seemed to always have one worried eye on his boyfriend, and their hands remained clasped together.

Roxas observed the other couple carefully, fascinated by the sight of a real relationship. As he watched, he couldn't help sensing a strong connection between them. Something in their expressions had a similar cast…or maybe it was their mannerisms…he couldn't be sure. He just felt very certain that he was looking at a _couple_ – two people who belonged together, utterly and completely, and who would be lost without one another. And, in spite of the differences between them – such as the obvious difference in the amount of talking each was doing – Roxas was at a loss as he tried to find certain differences…telling ones.

It wasn't that he meant to pry…it was just that, in his former line of work, he had become very accustomed to knowing, by certain telling details, what sorts of roles the others who shared his lifestyle played. He knew a gay man from a straight man on sight with almost perfect accuracy – that was elementary. For his job, however, he also needed to be able to tell if a man was a top or bottom by preference, since he was almost always a bottom at work and it wouldn't usually be profitable to approach another man who liked that role. Furthermore, he was used to seeing partners, and, as an extension of his identifying skills, he was always able to tell who belonged to whom in any given pair.

Which was why he was all the more intrigued by Demyx and Zexion. Not only could he not tell who topped, he didn't even get the slightest sense from them of who was _whose_ boyfriend. Even with Demyx being as attentive to Zexion as he was, it didn't provide the usual "owner" sense, but neither did it seem to be the other way around, like Roxas would have had to treat his Master. The blond was truly mystified by the other couple.

As he scrutinized them – trying, of course, to not be too obvious about it – a lull developed in the conversation. Roxas was somewhat startled when Zexion broke into the silence, changing the subject from the previous light mood in a moment.

"Sorry for showing up unexpectedly Axel. Thanks for having us over." A small smile accompanied the slate-haired man's words.

Axel smiled back. "Sure Zexion, no problem. I'm glad you could come meet Roxas too."

"Actually," Zexion glanced at Roxas, including him in his answer, "we've met. Though I'm not sure if Roxas would remember." Roxas blinked at the other man, confused. He didn't _think_ he had met Zexion before… "At the time, you introduced yourself as 'Roxie' though." A shiver ran down Roxas' spine at the name Zexion mentioned.

Trying to act calm in spite of the nervous fluttering in his stomach, Roxas replied, "I'm sorry…I don't remember. When did we meet?" _Marluxia's? Or some other time…maybe before that? Zexion doesn't seem like the type to have been in places like those, though…_

Zexion's smile was tired as he answered, addressing the group. "I guess this is a pretty good opportunity to get everyone on the same page, huh?" Without waiting for an answer, he spoke to Roxas again. "Actually, we met at the apartment. You live right below me, and a couple months ago I met you in the stairwell and helped you to your room. You were soaked form the rain and in bad shape."

Roxas eyes grew wide as the memory hit him. _The day Xemnas let me go…after the first time he took me._ His mind struggled to remember the person who had helped him to his room. He had only been aware of fuzzy details at the time, now almost forgotten. _So it was Zexion_. Covering his surprise, he smiled nervously.

"Ah…so we're neighbors! I didn't know at all. Um, I remember that though, thanks for your help. Sorry I didn't remember before, I was…a little out of it that day."

Zexion waved his apology away. "I'll say. I wasn't even sure you were aware enough to know where you were. But that's fine. There are a few other things you don't know about." He glanced around again, seeking the general agreement. "I'd like to use this opportunity to explain them."

Axel and Demyx both nodded, suddenly serious. Roxas nodded too, still on edge from the previous revelation, and now worried about what else he had yet to learn. Especially if it had something to do with…the one that Demyx had mentioned coming in.

"The truth is, Roxas," Zexion addressed him calmly, "we have a very unfortunate…acquaintance…in common. Xemnas."

The name froze the blood in Roxas' veins all over again. He stiffened in fear, his hand clutching hard at Axel's. In a moment, the redhead was turned to him, moving comfortingly closer, squeezing his hand and running soothing fingers through his hair. The lowest murmur reached his ears, a repetition of, "It's OK, it's OK." Even though he had suspected that Xemnas had something to do with all this, the name spoken aloud still rang with terror in his ears.

Zexion had paused, but was now calmly continuing his explanation. "A while ago, Xemnas was my boss. I don't really want to explain all the details here…" a trace of obvious discomfort flitted over the placid face, "but the result of my knowing him was that he blackmailed me and more or less single-handedly destroyed my career and my social life in one shot. All because he wanted me for…for the role I believe he had you playing, until now."

Roxas reddened. He hated having that mentioned around Axel. He was still half-sure that, in spite of what the redhead had said, Axel would eventually decide that he didn't want such a dirty boyfriend. And even if he didn't, it _had_ to be unpleasant for him to be reminded of it, and Roxas didn't want to displease Axel in the slightest.

_But wait…how does he know about Xemnas and me?_

The question had just made its way into Roxas' blue gaze when Zexion began answering it.

"Somewhat more recently," he continued, "I was at my apartment with Demyx one night when I saw Xemnas arrive at the building. I was afraid that he had come for me…yet it turned out that he was there for you, instead. And…" Zexion softened, trying his best to reveal this news gently, "we heard what happened when he found you. We came here, to Axel's, and called the police." He paused to let Roxas absorb this news.

_Oh. That time. When he…raped…_ Then, a new realization hit Roxas. Turning to Axel, he all but whispered, "Then…it _was_ you. In the police report…you knew it was me? I mean, did you…did you _know?_"

Axel glanced at Zexion and Demyx, both of whom turned their attention away, to each other, allowing Axel to speak to Roxas. The redhead leaned close, whispering as he held Roxas' lost gaze, "I did know. They told me when they came. I'm sorry for not telling you before. And I'm sorry I didn't come then and save you. I did what I could…and I thought you wanted to stay with him, because of how we'd parted before that. I…I had to respect your wishes."

Green eyes were searching, pleading for him to understand. "Like I told you…I want you to make your own choices and decide what you want. I thought that I couldn't interfere. But…" Axel's whisper suddenly broke for a moment as the redhead struggled to remain calm and rational for Roxas. "If I'd known then…nothing would have stopped me from taking you away from him. I'm so sorry…that you had to go through that alone."

Roxas was reeling a little, but he managed to contain his shock. _OK…one thing at a time…_ Zexion and Demyx had heard what Xemnas had done. They'd told Axel and called the police, which hadn't done much, but it had been Axel's way of trying to help…while respecting Roxas' decision. _Why would he think I'd ever choose to be raped, though?_ Roxas was mystified, but put the thought aside. _There must be some reason…maybe we can talk about it later. Right now…I can't start demanding explanations. I can't be…catty like that._

So Roxas left it alone and turned his attention to taking a few deep breaths and studiously concealing the humiliation that hit him as he began to fully realize that not only Axel, but Demyx and Zexion – almost strangers to Roxas – all knew that he'd been raped. They _knew_. Demyx and Zexion had even _heard _it – Roxas did _not_ want to wonder about how much they had heard.

_They know, they all know, they can see how dirty you are, how he dirtied you, they look at you and see a little slut who spreads his legs for money…_

_Shut up shut up shut __**up!**__ I don't have time for this, shut up! _Roxas was aware that Axel was waiting for a sign that he understood, and though his thoughts had been swift, a pause was developing. He didn't have time to listen to the dark voice or argue with it. He had to make it go _away_.

_Axel…Axel doesn't think that. Axel said…he doesn't care about what I've done. And… _A new realization hit Roxas, this time with a breath-stopping shock that was happy, for a change. _…And Axel knew about everything – my past, my Master, the rape, __**everything**__ – when he said that._

Roxas still wasn't sure he could believe that Axel could look past all that – how could he, when _Roxas_ couldn't? – but the thought still tingled inside him…a relieved sort of bliss in his stomach.

And so, Roxas took one more deep breath and looked back at Axel, his eyes remarkably clear and…trusting. "OK." He smiled thinly, but genuinely. "I understand. And…thank you."

Axel looked relieved…and then Roxas thought he looked proud, proud of him, proud of _Roxas_, of all people, as the redhead squeezed his hand and nodded. And then Axel bit his lip a little, and Roxas had a feeling that his boyfriend wanted to kiss him right then. In fact, he was almost sure…and felt the same.

_I can…understand him. I can read this expression and know what he's thinking. I haven't been able to do that with anyone since Nami…_ Well, not perfectly true, because he had learned to fear a few of Xemnas' most dangerous expressions…but those were obvious. This…this was more subtle, and it made Roxas even happier.

Seeing that the little conversation had been concluded, Zexion cleared his throat slightly and turned back to the group, Demyx, Axel, and Roxas doing the same. As the slate-haired man continued speaking, Roxas' fingers slipped into Axel's, knitting together and holding tightly.

"Well, Roxas, that's the extent of it as far as Axel and Demyx know. Besides the fact that we're all aware that you recently left that man, mostly through Axel telling us. And I must say, that was a brave step to take." Something in Zexion's eyes, so serious and knowing, told Roxas that the other man wasn't just handing him a compliment. He seemed to speak from his own experience, and as Roxas nodded his thanks, he wondered just what had happened in the past with Xemnas and Zexion.

"That brings us to the present." Zexion concluded.

"Yeah," Axel's voice beside Roxas chimed in, agreeing. "And at _present_ we've still got a problem, and we kinda need to figure out what to do about the future…" Roxas caught Axel's questioning glance sideways at him and nodded his agreement. They hadn't really made definite plans for the future, and Roxas realized that this might be something they needed to work out sooner rather than later.

"But," Demyx cut in, "first I would like to know what happened last night." He gave his boyfriend a pointed look, and when Zexion glanced back – visibly uncomfortable for the first time – Demyx immediately softened. "You promised to tell me today. I'm not gonna demand it, love, but you know how worried I am. I can't help asking."

Zexion's uncertainty seemed to find its answer in Demyx's gentle eyes. The man swallowed and nodded, his forehead crinkled slightly in worry and doubt.

"Yes…I did. And it's good to talk about it now, since it concerns Axel and Roxas too." He glanced at them, including them in his answer before turning back to Demyx. "Just…promise me you'll try not to be too upset, OK? You know I hate it…"

"I know, when I freak out. I'll do my best."

"OK." Zexion breathed, inhaling slowly and deeply, before he began. "Last night, I came home from work as usual. I was expecting Dem over later." Roxas noticed that Zexion seemed to be addressing a fixed point on the coffee table. "There was a knock as soon as I was in my apartment. It was…Xemnas. And Saïx, actually. I don't know if you know Saïx, Roxas. He was another coworker of mine…Xemnas' little lackey, and also involved in what happened to me. He has a scar like an "X" between his eyes, and long hair…"

Roxas blinked, surprised. "Blue hair…" Zexion nodded. "Yeah…I do know who you mean. He was…um, I guess Xemnas' lackey is a good way of putting it." Roxas didn't really want to reveal how closely he knew Saïx, not with Axel there. Or Demyx. Maybe he could tell Zexion though…if the other man had run into Saïx in a similarly miserable way.

Demyx's eyes were wide and fixed on Zexion. "I knew it…" He breathed. "Go on, babe…what happened?"

Zexion swallowed. "They had come to see if I knew you, Roxas. Xemnas…he was demanding to know where you had gone. They tried to threaten me." Demyx tensed even further. Zexion glanced nervously up, then hurried through the rest of his explanation. "I told them I didn't know, but that I could find out. They let me go and left with that promise. I didn't want Demyx to come over then…I didn't want them to know who you are, Dem." The sandy-blond squeezed the hand he held. "So I snuck out the back. From what they had said, it sounded like they had the building entrance under surveillance. I made sure I wasn't followed before I actually went to Demyx's place."

"Oh my God, Zexion, I wish you'd called me and told me to come home sooner…"

Zexion shook his head. "It wasn't that long before you came. I spent a couple hours, actually, making sure I wasn't followed. I didn't want to see you before I could be sure."

Roxas heard the rest of the conversation, but the idea of Xemnas watching his apartment was foremost in his mind. "You said…" he swallowed. "This happened last night?" Zexion nodded, and Roxas started rapidly wondering how long Xemnas had been watching the place. Probably…maybe since Roxas hadn't answered his phone. Friday.

_The last time I didn't come when called…he came over and forced me. _

_**Raped**__ you, __**dirtied**__ you…_

_**Forced**__ me. So this time…maybe he's been watching the place ever since. Or making that other one – Saïx – making him do it. _

Wide blue eyes turned to Axel. "Oh my God, I'm so glad we didn't go there yesterday for my stuff. He might have been there already…might have seen you with me." Axel was shaking his head, trying to reassure Roxas, but the blond was still horrified by how close they'd come.

"Nothing would have happened, Roxas – I would have protected you…"

Roxas shook his head. "I don't want him to know you exist!"

"He can't hurt me, Roxas…"

"You don't know that." He didn't know how to explain…how to make Axel understand what Roxas knew just from breathing the air in the same room as that man.

To his surprise, Zexion spoke up softly. "Actually…I understand how he feels, Axel." Roxas stared at the quiet man, who looked back reluctantly. "I feel the same, after all. I don't want him to know Demyx exists…and he's not even after me anymore." His eyes now held Roxas' as he seemed to…ask for agreement. "But you just…you have to know him to understand. And you won't want him coming near anyone you care about." Roxas felt himself nod slightly, conveying his understanding to Zexion, agreeing. _That's right…that's how it feels._

Roxas forced himself to voice his thoughts, turning to Axel again. "That's…he's right. I know you don't think he'd have any reason to go after you…but he…he doesn't _need _one. So I just don't want him to _know_."

Axel sighed. "OK. All right, I understand. And look, it's fine then, right? He doesn't know, we _didn't_ go to your place, and if he's watching the place, we can just stay away. You don't have to go back there…" Axel paused, his eyes seeming to ask Roxas for confirmation before he finished. "You can stay here."

Roxas, to his own surprise, broke into a grin, in spite of the oppressive atmosphere. "You sure about that? You've only got one bed. Won't you feel a little…crowded?" He saw Axel's eyes shine in response to his teasing.

"Oh, I like crowded," the redhead grinned back, his arm stretching lazily to wrap around Roxas' shoulders and pull him close, "and I think we already know there's room in my bed for _you_." Axel leaned down and lightly bonked his forehead against Roxas'. The blond grinned happily and responded by rubbing his nose against Axel's in an Eskimo kiss.

Demyx arched an eyebrow at the display and sighed. "Ah, newlyweds." He rolled his eyes, looking over to Zexion. "Isn't young love charming, my dear?"

Zexion had been slowly recovering from the haunting memories of the night before – as he'd been trying to all morning, actually – and now he smiled shakily at Demyx. "Are you implying that we're some old married couple already?" Demyx _psshed _that idea at once, and Zexion felt his smile growing more real. He couldn't help it – Demyx was always his reason to smile.

"My dear Zexy, as much as I look forward to _every_ phase of our lives, _including _our 'old married' years, we are still a _long_ way from that. We're still the hottest new item on the block." A devilish wink was sent his way, and Zexion arched an eyebrow back.

"Aren't _they_ more recent though?" He nodded at Axel and Roxas.

Demyx shrugged. "Different block."

Zexion chuckled, and Axel joined in as Demyx beamed at his boyfriend. Roxas smiled at their banter, but he was most interested in the deep, pleasant sound of Axel's laugh. He'd have to remember to find ways to be funny, if possible, just to hear more of that. It felt like _forever _since he'd heard that sound.

However, Roxas' curiosity and concern soon pulled him back to the topic at hand, and he turned back to the other couple, asking Zexion, "What will _you_ do, then? If Xemnas is still watching the place and he's willing to threaten you to get to me…"

Zexion shook his head. "I'm not going back there. I already know that. At least…I won't be back as long as he might be there. I don't want to put any of us at risk."

Demyx was nodding. "Of _course_ you're not going back, not while he might be waiting for you." Then he grinned teasingly. "No more excuses – you _have_ to move in with me now."

Zexion sighed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "They weren't excuses, you know that. And I can't exactly _move_ if I can't go back to get any of my _stuff_."

"Do you have much there that you need?" Axel broke in. Zexion shrugged.

"Nothing critical, but a few things I'd rather the landlord not throw away on me when he realizes I've disappeared. And…I don't really want to contact him about the lease. Xemnas will be on him for anything he can find out, and it wouldn't take much to get that weasel to talk."

Roxas nodded. He, like all the other tenants, shared the general poor opinion of the landlord. "I guess I'll be skipping out on him too…not that I've been the one paying my rent for the past couple months…" He trailed off, glancing at Axel. The redhead seemed to miss the point of the statement – he glanced back somewhat blankly at Roxas. "It's…part of being _kept_," the blond explained, somewhat wryly. "The…_pet_ isn't responsible for their own living anymore. Not with a rich master, anyway." He managed to keep his voice relatively even and neutral. Axel nodded, _ahh_-ing his understanding.

Roxas continued. "Anyway, I already decided I didn't really need anything there. And…there's a good chance Xemnas will have ransacked my room by now." A thought occurred to him. "Zexion, you said he followed you to your room, right?" Zexion nodded. Roxas winced. "You should probably see about sneaking someone in there and getting anything out that you want to keep. When you go missing…Xemnas will probably bribe the landlord for your key too."

Zexion nodded again. "Probably true. I'll have to call in a favor with one of the neighbors. Xemnas can't watch _everyone_ who lives there, after all. Maybe I can get someone to sneak a few things out. In the meantime," he inhaled, looking around, "I'm not going back to work, either. I don't like to abandon my responsibilities like this, but I'm afraid Xemnas may have figured it out. I had my uniform on still when he came." The others nodded sympathetically, Roxas especially. Xemnas…noticed details. Zexion concluded, "I don't like to hide like this, and I probably wouldn't if it was just myself involved, but since it involves you two," he looked to Axel and Roxas, "and I don't want Demyx tangled up in it either…I'm going to lie pretty low for a while."

Demyx nodded, agreeing. "He won't find you if you stay at my place and don't go out much."

"Exactly. And Roxas," Zexion continued, "I think it might be best for you to stay hidden for a while too. I don't know about for the long term, but going out might be a bad idea for now. Xemnas has all kinds of connections. I think those of us with faces he can recognize should keep ourselves as invisible as possible for a while."

Axel heartily approved of this idea, glancing back to Roxas. "Definitely. The last thing I want is to send you off to the grocery store and have you never come back." Roxas tried to smile comfortingly.

"Don't worry. I won't go anywhere…I won't disappear…ever again." His voice had dropped to almost a whisper on the last words, and Axel squeezed his shoulders. His eyes were very happy…a quiet sort of happy. Satisfied. Roxas felt content just looking at such an expression.

The redhead responded by leaning in close, his lips approaching Roxas' ear as he whispered, "Good. I love you."

No matter how many times Axel said it, Roxas felt his heart speed up as a thrill of delight raced through his body.

Across the coffee table, Demyx shook his head, grinning. "Roxas, you _must_ tell me your secret – how did you _ever_ turn this guy into such a sap? I've never seen him this mushy in my _life._"

Axel shot Demyx an annoyed glare while Roxas snorted with laughter.

"Right then," Axel suddenly pulled back from Roxas, slapped his knees and stood. "Who's up for some sandwiches? I'm starving; I say it's time to make lunch."

Roxas smiled, silently adoring. _He's happy…I want him to always be happy…and I want to make him happier. Forever._

~o~


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note:**

Less. Than. Two. Weeks. Fuck yeah. 8D

Hey! "Through the Shadow" is done, so now I'm only working on…three stories at once? XD

* * *

Monday morning came too soon, and Axel had to leave for work. The newsroom was calling, with articles to write and submit and deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. The news didn't take a break just because Axel had found a reason to pine for his apartment like a newlywed, as Demyx had so aptly described him.

"I'll be back around five-thirty or quarter of six, depending on how long the hardware store holds me up," Axel turned to Roxas at the door, laptop case in hand and suit jacket over one arm – it was too hot to actually wear the thing. Roxas was following him, seeing him off in his pajamas, adorable as ever. Axel leaned over with a smile and placed a quick kiss on those soft lips, then grinned and winked, finishing his statement. "Gotta get duplicate keys made."

Roxas smiled back, and then surprised Axel by grabbing his tie and tugging him back down for another, slightly longer kiss. Axel hummed delightedly into the kiss, closing his eyes and letting himself be pulled around to face Roxas more fully. _Oh, Jesus, _he groaned internally, _why can't the office get blown up or destroyed in a freak natural disaster today?_

When Roxas let him go, the blond was grinning. "Have a nice day at work, _dear._" Roxas had been getting a kick out of jokingly playing the little wife lately. Axel thought it was cute, but honestly would have been just as happy if Roxas wanted to play "husband" instead.

"I'll see you this evening." Axel smiled, but then couldn't help voicing reminders of all the things they had talked about. "Dem will probably bring Zexion over in a few hours, but be really careful and check who's at the door first, and don't open for _anyone_ else, OK?"

Roxas rolled his eyes slightly. "I know, I know…"

"And you can have anything to eat, and if there's anything at all you want, you have my cell number – just call and I'll make a stop at the grocery store."

"Yeah, OK…"

"And if _anything_ happens or you see anyone hanging around who looks suspicious, call me right away…"

"I will…"

"And you can watch TV or whatever you want, seriously, just make yourself at home…"

Roxas snorted. "I_ know_, Axel, I already _have._"

"Right, but still. And don't answer any calls unless the ID shows it's me or Demyx…although Dem shouldn't have to call unless they're running late. I might call on my lunch if I get a chance though, OK?"

"Fine, yes, you're gonna be late, Axel."

Axel grimaced and checked his watch. "Damn…" he muttered to himself before looking back to Roxas. "I just…I hope you're not bored all day…"

Roxas sighed at him, shaking his head. "I'll be _fine._ Zexion will be here for a while, and anyway…" Those blue eyes suddenly leaned closer, lids slightly lowered, causing a thrill to run down Axel's spine, "If I get lonely, I'll just…think of you all day." And Roxas' tone of voice made _thinking_ sound…very, very erotic. Axel groaned.

"Ughhhh, don't do that to me, I can't stand this already. Roxas…" He was whimpering and whining and he didn't care, he just didn't want to leave.

Roxas rolled his eyes again, with more exaggeration, then grabbed Axel for one more firm kiss. Breaking away, to the redhead's great disappointment, Roxas proceeded to shove him toward the door. "Will you just get going already? Come on, shoo!"

Before he knew it, Roxas had him outside on the landing and was shutting the door behind him. Axel quickly turned to call back through the door, "I love you!" Then, finally, with dragging reluctance, he turned his steps for the stairwell, his car, and work.

It wasn't all bad, though. Axel was actually eager to get to the office for a few reasons. There were some archives he wanted to search through; in addition, one of the senior columnists had a lot of connections in shady areas – sources for his big stories. Axel wanted to look a few things up, and try to dig up some contacts that could tell him more.

He had to do _something_ – if Roxas was threatened by someone, Axel was going to do whatever he could to protect his…his _boyfriend_. He grinned secretly again, just thinking that word. And there were a few things he could at least _try_ in an effort to get that bastard off their backs.

It was a little something called "investigative journalism."

~o~

Roxas carefully checked through the peephole when the knock came on Axel's door. Catching sight of Demyx's crazy hair he relaxed, unbolting the front door and allowing Zexion and Demyx into the apartment.

Zexion wore a hoodie in spite of the heat – the sleeves were cut off, at least, but the hood was up, drawn low over his face. Demyx was dressed normally. Xemnas wouldn't recognize him, after all. Roxas welcomed them both in and bolted the door automatically behind them. "Hey guys, welcome. Can I get you something to drink?"

Zexion peeled the hood back and proceeded to remove the hoodie as well. "Yes, thank you. Water, please." Demyx shook his head.

"I have to go in about twenty minutes…got business meetings this afternoon with the band. But I wanted to make sure Zexy got here OK." Roxas nodded, leading the way further into the apartment and going to fetch Zexion a glass of water.

"So, no sign of anyone lurking around your place?" Roxas questioned when he returned with a glass for Zexion.

"No, and I don't think there will be," the slate-haired man replied, accepting the drink. "As long as I'm not spotted out in public, he should have nothing to lead him there."

Roxas nodded. "I think we'll be fine here, too, but that doesn't stop Axel from worrying and calling on his lunch break." He shook his head slightly at his boyfriend's silliness. Demyx grinned.

"That guy. I've never seen him fret over someone like that. He is so head over heels for you." Roxas blushed slightly, taking Demyx's words as a compliment and enjoying the happy thrill they gave him.

The three of them chatted for several minutes before Demyx announced that he had to get going. "I'll be back between five and six sometime…hard to tell how long the last meeting will take, but I won't be later than six. You guys have a good time!"

"Thanks," Roxas answered. Zexion followed Demyx to the door, and Roxas didn't follow – he guessed he wasn't needed for their little goodbye. Still, he watched with one eye as they paused at the door. He was still curious about these two.

Their hands slipped together for a moment, but there was no intimate embrace. Then just leaned closer briefly, Demyx kissing Zexion's cheek quickly before the other man returned the gesture. A few light, innocent touches and some murmured words that Roxas couldn't hear, and Demyx's bright eyes glanced up again with a wave to him. "See ya, Roxas!"

The blond blushed slightly, thinking he'd been caught watching. Demyx departed, and Zexion returned and joined Roxas, sitting and giving no indication that he was bothered by…anything, really.

_OK_, Roxas thought quickly, _Make conversation. Think of something pleasant, get acquainted, that sort of thing. Normal stuff._

"Um," he started, Zexion glancing at him, listening, "So, how long have you and Demyx been together?"

Zexion smiled slightly, amiably. "Well, if you want the quick version, we've been dating since you and Axel met, coincidentally. Or so Demyx tells me. We knew each other in college though. As friends."

"Ah…so how did you end up together then?" Roxas hoped he didn't sound like he was prying; he just really wanted to know as much as he could about this other couple – this exceedingly _normal-_looking couple.

Zexion didn't seem to mind answering. "Well, we became interested in each other during college, but neither of us said anything. Until graduation…and then Demyx tried to tell me, but I didn't react so well. I was just…overwhelmed, I suppose. I couldn't believe he was interested in me; it seemed too good to be true. So we went our separate ways for a while, and that's when I had my little run-in with you-know-who, and ended up trading a nice corporate career for managing a pizza joint. And that's where Demyx found me…and this time, I guess he just didn't allow me to disbelieve him." Zexion smiled fondly, his expression unusually tender at the recollection.

Roxas smiled. "You guys both seem so great together…I mean, you seem like you belong together, and you both look so happy with each other I guess. I really…uh, admire that." He suddenly felt awkward about saying such things to a near-stranger.

Zexion, however, didn't seem to mind. "We _are_ happy," he agreed, smiling, "I'm very lucky to have someone like Demyx. He really…makes everything OK." Zexion glanced at Roxas with a hint of uncertainty. "Not that my life is miserable…or that what I've been through couldn't have been worse."

Sensing the comparison to his own problems, Roxas quickly redirected the conversation. Zexion had given him an opportunity to ask, after all.

"If you don't mind – I mean, if it's OK to ask – what happened with you and…and _them_? Not that you have to tell me if you don't want to."

Zexion shook his head slightly. "No, it's fine. At first I thought I'd never tell a soul, and then Demyx came along…and now, I guess, I don't mind telling you. Solidarity and all, for those of us who have been unlucky enough to know a certain person." The slate-haired man shrugged wryly; Roxas could only nod in solemn agreement.

Zexion explained his story for Roxas' benefit, making no omissions about his memories and experiences with both Saïx and Xemnas, but asking that Roxas not mention those extra details to Demyx. Roxas understood why; after all, he didn't want Axel to have to hear about the uglier specifics of what he'd been through.

Zexion still struggled with certain parts of the story, but on the whole he was very calm in telling it, which amazed Roxas. The blond couldn't imagine relating his own history without curling up and dying with mortification and self-loathing. By the end of the story, he also felt a great deal of kindred sympathy with Zexion, in spite of their brief acquaintance. After all, for the first time he had found someone who understood the terror of Xemnas firsthand. True, Zexion hadn't actually experienced being taken by Xemnas – though he had experienced Saïx – but he'd had more than enough, in Roxas' opinion, to understand his own past better than anyone. It was…both a relief to have a companion in understanding and a torment to know that someone else had been forced to suffer like he had.

"What about you?" Zexion finally asked, calmly neutral. "I mean, I know the basics from Demyx, but…feel like telling me about it?"

At first, the question surprised Roxas. He had never planned to tell _anyone_ these horrible things…he always hoped that if he just ignored them for long enough, they would go away – his past, his shameful actions, and all his pain. Maybe they'd leave him alone eventually…maybe if he just pretended they didn't exist, then someday he could be normal.

Zexion however…he felt like he could tell Zexion. Solidarity, as the man had said. _And anyway, he told me all that stuff…that had to be hard for him. I should…try at least. _

So Roxas started talking.

He even started at the beginning. He told Zexion how he'd started in prostitution, how he'd gotten to Marluxia's…even a little bit about his sister, since he couldn't explain his job choice without telling about her. He told about meeting Axel, and Naminé dying…although he moved on from that fact as quickly as possible, because remembering it began to choke him up and Roxas was afraid to cry in front of Zexion.

But Zexion just kept listening – he was a very good listener, never seemed shocked, never seemed to judge Roxas – and the blond kept going. He told about his encounter with Saïx, and then, finally, about Xemnas.

"He…was very cruel. He liked to make me bleed, often. He would talk, say nasty things…about how I was never tight enough for him. Which was his fault, but I couldn't say so. So he pretty much always made it as rough and dry as possible. And he'd make me do things…sometimes I think having sex wasn't even close to the worst part, in spite of how bad it hurt." Roxas glanced up suddenly. "Is it…OK to tell you this? I know it must be disgusting…"

Zexion cut him off gently. "Absolutely nothing you tell me will bother me, Roxas. You go ahead and get it off your chest."

Roxas wasn't sure what that meant or how it would help, but he'd already started talking and now…somehow he couldn't stop. And it was OK, so… "Thanks…I guess. Um…so there was the sex. And there was the time you know about, when he raped me…and it wasn't the only time. But that time I just…I couldn't do what I was supposed to…" He struggled for words to explain. "I knew how to react by then, I'd learned pretty quick with him. If he got pissed, it didn't matter if it was because of me or work or whatever – he was pissed. And there was no getting out of getting fucked at that point, but if I did the right thing he wouldn't beat me on top of it. So when he was pissed, I'd start groveling. Licking his feet and begging him to fuck me or let me blow him or something, really whimpering and sniveling…and that's what I'd get, and it would hurt, but at least he wouldn't hit me."

Roxas paused, swallowing. He felt…sickened. But this time, it wasn't Xemnas and his actions…it was the memory of his own behavior that really repulsed him.

"That time," Roxas forced himself to continue, "he'd been really bad for several days in a row. It was more than just bleeding and stuff at that point…it was starting to really mess up my body internally. And I knew it was a bad move, but I just couldn't deal with another fuck…and when he summoned me…I guess I hadn't really meant to defy him or anything, I just wasn't thinking clearly. All I knew was I couldn't do it."

Zexion's expression was troubled – hurt and understanding – when Roxas glanced at him. But there was no shock or anything negative toward Roxas, so the blond continued. "He came over, and I don't even remember too well what was going on at first. I think my reflexes kicked in and I tried to fix it, beg and grovel, but it was too late. And then he…did it. And I don't remember a lot of it, until the interruption. And I just want you guys to know," Roxas forced his eyes up nervously again, "I really appreciate that. I mean, it didn't stop him, and when he came back he beat me, but that little break while he was dealing with the police – that really helped. You…I…I was just…really close to snapping. I don't remember it clearly, but I feel like I came pretty close to the edge of losing my mind there, and that break gave me a chance to come back, pull myself together again. I don't…I don't wanna think about what kind of brainless sexdoll I'd be right now if you guys hadn't interrupted him."

Roxas felt sicker now, his head throbbed painfully, and he didn't dare look anywhere, so he buried his face in his hands. Not…crying or anything. He just wanted to cut out for a minute…pull himself back together. Look at blank darkness behind his eyelids and force away the horrible raw feeling after telling Zexion all these things that no one else knew.

He was surprised by a gentle touch on his shoulders as Zexion wrapped an arm around him, drawing him close and then…just holding him. He was shocked for a minute…nervous and afraid. _He's touching me, I can't let another man touch me, Axel would be furious…_ However, as Roxas held still, paralyzed, not knowing what to do, he realized that Zexion…was still just holding him. There was nothing invasive about the touch, nothing intimate; it was…platonic? Just innocent and comforting?

Roxas wasn't sure he could remember having been hugged like this before. It was a touch that felt…safe. Completely free of any intentions other than reassurance. And Roxas gradually started to feel that it was OK; the panic in his mind receded, and he began to relax and just…let the hug calm him.

Zexion didn't say anything, didn't move, just held Roxas quietly. After a while, Roxas reached up to tentatively clutch the other man as well. They stayed like that for a while, and Roxas was amazed at how much better he was beginning to feel, just from the sense of support that hug gave him. It drove away the sick, hurt feeling much faster than Roxas could have done on his own.

Eventually, Roxas drew in a deep breath, and Zexion gently released him as if on cue. Roxas swallowed heavily a few times, Zexion backing up again and settling himself on the couch without a word. Feeling he had to say something, only one thing came to Roxas' mind.

"Th-thanks Zexion."

Zexion just nodded, his dark blue eyes smiling gently. After a few more beats of silence, as Roxas finished calming down, Zexion spoke.

"I'm glad we could be useful then. And you should know, you can depend on us in the future too. Demyx and I want to help you in any way we can…and I know Axel wants nothing in the world as much as he wants to help you."

"Axel…" Roxas sighed, feeling a little bewildered and hopeless and happy and uncertain at the mention of the man.

Zexion noticed the mixed feelings and cocked his head slightly. "How are things going for you two?"

Roxas shrugged at the question, shaking his head. "It's…great I guess. I mean, I'm happy. So happy I don't know what to do."

"But…?" Zexion gently prodded.

"But I guess…I don't know how to please him. I mean, he says he's happy too, but I can't see how he could be, because I haven't _done_ anything for him. And I just wish I knew what he _wants_ so that I could try to be that for him or do something to please him."

Zexion considered this, frowning slightly. "If you don't mind my making an observation…" He paused, Roxas nodding for him to continue, "Well, from what I can see, Axel is happiest just being _with_ you."

Roxas sighed in exasperation. "That's what doesn't make _sense._" He didn't have words to voice all his feelings, but deep down there was a churning sensation that something about that couldn't be _right_; how could anyone enjoy _his_ company?

Zexion thought for a few minutes while Roxas scraped around for ways to express his feeling. He was interrupted by a question.

"Let me ask you this," Zexion began. "You say you had a sister, a little sister, and she recently passed away, yes?"

Roxas felt his stomach tighten. He had mentioned Nami, yes, and far more than he'd thought he would, but that didn't make him ready to talk about her…or her death. The subject…just hurt too much. However, he tensely nodded, not wanting to be rude to Zexion.

"OK. It sounded from what you said that she was in the hospital – did you ever see her?"

Roxas nodded again, his voice strained. "I went to see her there every week, sometimes twice a week."

Zexion's voice gentled further, noting Roxas' discomfort. "So…when you were with her, how did you feel?"

A spasm of pain broke over Roxas' features, but it was followed by a miserable smile. "I…it was…those visits were the highlight of every week. _She_ was the highlight of my _life_, and…and even if we could only talk for a little while, I was happy. So, so happy." He was swallowing hard and had to stop talking – his voice felt like it would crack soon.

Zexion's kind voice continued. "Did she do anything special to cheer you up, make you happy?"

Roxas violently shook his head. "No! Half the time it was me trying so hard to make her smile."

"But you were happy just being there with her?"

"Yes." Roxas nodded sadly, missing his sister with all his heart.

"Roxas," Zexion called his attention up from his own lap to the other man's face, "That was because you loved her." Roxas blinked, not seeing the point – of course he loved her. That was…obvious.

Zexion smiled faintly and explained. "That's what love is like, Roxas. It's not exactly the same, I mean, there are some differences in the way you love a sibling versus a lover, but it's essentially _love_ that makes you feel that way. When you love someone, you're happy just being near them. You love all the simple, unnoticeable things about them – their smile, their laugh, the miniscule little expressions in their eyes, the way they smell, everything. It doesn't make a lot of sense, I know, but they don't _have_ to do anything to make you happy, just like your sister never had to do anything to please you. You just loved being with her, because you loved her. And Axel just loves being with you, because he feels that way too."

Roxas was stunned by the idea. The concept unbalanced him, it contradicted everything he'd ever seen in relationships; it was the polar opposite of his personal experience. The mental box he had placed his concept of lovers in…had nothing to do with such deep feelings. Being a lover meant…sex. Maybe very _good_ sex, but…still, sex. It was having all that good sex that made lovers happy…wasn't it?

"What are these differences? I mean, you said lovers and siblings are different, but the same? What does that mean?"

Zexion paused, thinking. "Well…with a sibling or even a very good friend, that feeling of love is sort of…a stable and content feeling. Like, you know them well as a person, and you are content to know them this much, and love them at that level. With a lover, it's the same beginning, but then, for whatever reason, you aren't content with something platonic. They attract you more strongly, romantically, and you want to know them uniquely, more closely than anyone else…and that's where desire comes into play, too. It's all a part of this love that makes you want to be closer to them in a very special way."

Roxas was silent, trying to process all this. It was almost the perfect reverse of what he'd been thinking…Zexion made it sound like…

"Wait…so…are you saying that…lovers have sex because they enjoy each_ other_; they don't enjoy each other because they have sex?"

Zexion smiled approvingly. "That's a good way to put it, actually. Yes."

"Oh." Roxas took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "_Oh._" _That…fits with the way Axel's been acting…actually. That might explain a few things._ Then, another question popped up in his mind. "So…is that the way you and Demyx are?"

"Absolutely," Zexion affirmed. "You can ask him, too. He'll probably tell you the same thing."

"I might," Roxas nodded. "Not that I don't believe you…but, I might. Just…out of curiosity, maybe."

Zexion smiled again, and Roxas wondered if maybe the other man liked talking to him as much as he was enjoying talking to Zexion. It was so…thought-provoking. And friendly. Which was very, very nice.

"Sure thing." And, with a smile, Zexion left it at that.

~o~

Axel rapped on the doorframe as he popped his head into the office of the senior editor of the Arts and Entertainment section, who also had his own opinion column. Luxord had been in the business a long time, after all. Seniority had its perks – including the private office, which made Axel's cubicle seem…as miserable as it really was.

The white-blond, goateed man glanced up from his computer. "Help ya, Axel?" His voice was somewhat muffled around the nicotine stick pinched between his teeth. Luxord claimed he was trying to quit for his health, but it was more likely that even a cigarette break every 15 minutes just wouldn't cut it anymore.

Luxord was a former gambling addict, and still had endless connections in disreputable places – gambling halls, whore houses, and the occasional crime ring all still knew him. He got some of the best stories the paper printed.

"Hey Luxord, I was wondering if you could help me with a few things. Got a minute?"

"Sure, son, sure. Come on in, have a seat." Axel thanked him and took the available office chair across from Luxord's desk. "What can I tell ya?"

"Well," Axel leaned back, thinking. "First of all, I'd like some advice." The blond man nodded. "Say you were threatened by a really rich guy – a corporate giant sort of man, somebody who has some influence with the Law."

"Ah, a slippery, power-mongering bastard, eh?"

"Yeah. And he's a threat to you…in a personal capacity. What would you do?"

Luxord took a drag of nicotine. "Well, besides seein' an old acquaintance of mine about bumping him off…"

"Preferably something short of murder, actually." Axel chuckled.

Luxord grinned, shrugged, then squinted shrewdly. "It would depend on the particular corporate asshole and the particular threat. Just why and how much is he after you, and what are you after? You want him to just back off a bit?"

"Well," Axel debated how much he should reveal. "Let's say I had a sister, and she used to date him – his arm candy and such – but he beat her so she left. And now he wants her back…no matter what. And let's say he's _really_ powerful – like, calling the cops on him won't work. And I want him to back off, yeah, but I'm not sure he ever will."

"I get the picture." Luxord nodded. "I'm guessing the abuse would continue, and we'll assume he won't quit bothering you until he gets what he wants?"

"More than that, even." Axel's expression was grim. "This…sister. She's in hiding. If he finds her…she might get killed."

Luxord eyebrows shot up for a moment. "Nn." He grunted briefly, thinking. "Serious problem then." Axel just nodded while Luxord stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, his chair rocking backward. Finally, he leaned forward again. "And you say the cops won't touch him…would a judge?"

Axel bit his lip in thought. "I honestly have no idea…but I wouldn't be surprised if he had a few judges on his favor list too."

Luxord's piercing blue eyes narrowed again. "There are not a lot of men in this city that are fitting this description of yours, my boy. And I'm beginning to wonder how hypothetical this is, and just who you might be talkin' about."

Axel considered. He knew Luxord pretty well…not in a _personal _way, but through work he knew the guy was honest. Luxord didn't play the power games…in fact, it was pretty well-known that his favorite stories to write were those that exposed corruption and defended the weak. Besides…he really needed some advice. Something needed to be done, and he didn't know what he could do.

"All right." He leaned forward, lowering his voice. "The guy…it's this man named Xemnas…"

Luxord's eyes shot wide open, and he interrupted Axel with a sudden, "Shhht! Shut it!" Startled, Axel stopped, while Luxord glanced nervously toward the door. Then, with visibly forced calmed, the blond man rose, strolled over, and shut the door. He hesitated, listening to the sounds outside the door, then silently locked it before really relaxing and returning to his desk and Axel.

"Now," he began, grunting as he sat again, "Jesus, son, when you go fishing, you fish for sharks. Somebody got to teach you that trout are more than tricky enough." He shook his head.

Axel frowned. "I didn't pick the fish; the fish picked _me_. I'm just trying to keep from getting sunk."

Luxord nodded. "Yeah, I know…goddamn though. I don't think there's a bigger, tougher bastard out there, not in _this_ city anyway. You're in deep shit, son."

Axel exhaled heavily. "I figured. I spent the morning digging through the archives, pulling everything that had his name in it…"

"Who saw you?" Luxord cut in sharply.

Axel shook his head. "Nobody knows. I covered my tracks pretty well too, though I'm no hacker."

The blond grunted. "Best you could do; good enough. Go ahead."

Axel continued, "So I pulled all these stories. I was looking for anything shady, any corporate scams I could dig into more, but there was nothing. No dirt at all. Instead, just piles of stories from the business section – deals, company things, expansion, stocks…and then stuff about sponsoring and funding things, hospitals, fire stations, the goddamn city _park_. It's pretty obvious he's all over around here."

Luxord grunted, turning away to dig out another nicotine stick and light it. "You got that right. And I'll tell you this." Blue eyes fixed Axel intently. "Just because there ain't any _published_ dirt, doesn't mean there's no _dirt_. In fact, it's a key that should tell you something else…something dirty."

Axel paused for a minute, putting the pieces together. "He's…got ties in this paper too? They won't publish anything bad on him?" Green eyes widened at the realization and its implications. _Printing a scandal story on him…is gonna be harder than I thought._

The older newspaperman just "humphed" his acknowledgement, pulling on his nicotine stick. "He's one slippery bastard, Xemnas. You're gonna have a time of it finding anything concrete…covers his tracks well, especially in business. And trust me, if there was a way to take that asshole down a few notches, I'd have done it years ago. This paper made it dangerously clear to me that they ain't interested in that kind of scoop."

"God damn," Axel breathed. He'd never suspected that _his newspaper_ was under some corporate giant's thumb. He thought for a bit in silence, Luxord puffing away. It was clear now why the older man hadn't wanted their conversation overheard. Even if he could put together a good corporate scandal story, he wouldn't get it printed here. Then, a thought occurred to him.

"Lux, you say he's got no traceable business dirt – know anything about possible personal dirt?"

A blond eyebrow twitched upward. "Can't get in too much trouble for being an asshole. Your sister might feel threatened – and believe me, knowing this guy, I wouldn't wanna be in her pretty little shoes – but until he does something illegal, you're gonna be stuck."

"What if…what if he did already?"

"Eh? Like what?" Luxord looked interested.

"What if…he raped her?"

The blond combed blunt fingernails through his goatee slowly. "Eh…that's a possibility. Got proof?" Axel's wince was answer enough. Luxord shook his head. "Without a witness or a medical exam right after – and we're talking goddamn DNA testing – it's just his word against hers, yours, whomevers. And believe me, his word will outweigh just about anyone else."

Axel sighed dejectedly, scratching his forehead and running his fingers through his hair. The older newspaperman tried to encourage him.

"Look, son, I know it looks black from here. Hell, if it was any brighter, I'd have been following that light already. But I've told you what I know. Now, maybe you can find something else. Maybe you can get some new leads. Listen here," he leaned forward, elbows on the desk, "You say he's raped somebody – that's bad news. A bastard that does stuff like that – now, he might just have some bad habits. He probably keeps them really hush-hush, but a little nosing around couldn't hurt. So here's what I'll do."

He paused to grab a notebook from a shelf behind him, then began leafing through it, picking out names and scribbling them and some contact information on a large sticky note.

"Here's a smattering of folks in various professions that aren't quite on the up-and-up. This one," he jabbed with his pencil, "is a drug dealer who knows most of the industry. This one's more in other illegal goods. This one's a good bet – sex industry. In case he doesn't tell you anything…here. Here's another one. Runs a chain of shady hotels. Knows a bunch of other people. Deals in some hardcore stuff; even runs this club, basically a big bondage show for voyeurs."

He stripped the note off the pad and handed it to Axel. "You go talk to those folks. You can give them my name over the phone, but you'll have to go in person if you want them to tell ya anything. See if you can get some hard evidence of this guy doing something illegal. I don't mean just smutty rumors. Even sick little hobbies won't work – if it's not hard evidence of breaking the law, you won't have enough.

"I'll do you one more thing too. I'll find a judge who'll write a warrant for Xemnas. I got a couple ideas for ones who might not be under his thumb. I'll check into them. I got a hunch I can find at least one that'll act, _if_ he sees the evidence. You better make sure it's good though. Come trial time – if we get that far, god willin' – he's gonna have the finest goddamn lawyer in the country."

"Then I better make sure my evidence is rock-solid and damning."

Luxord nodded once. "You got that right, son." He extended his hand. "Good luck. Let me know what you find out."

Axel promised to keep Luxord informed, and slipped unnoticed from the man's office, back to his cubicle. He had quite a few phone calls to make.

~o~

When Demyx arrived to pick Zexion up, the slate-haired man had just woken up. He and Roxas had watched TV for the latter part of the day, and Zexion had eventually dozed off. He woke when the doorbell rang, and as Roxas rose to let Demyx in, he apologized, stating that he hadn't been sleeping too well the past few nights. Roxas, of course, told him not to worry about it.

Demyx had greeted them both cheerfully; Zexion had sleepily greeted his boyfriend and then asked if he could wait a minute while Zexion used the bathroom and washed his face.

As Zexion disappeared into the bathroom, Roxas was left alone with Demyx.

"So, how'd you guys get along today? New best buds?" Roxas would have rolled his eyes sarcastically, but Demyx's cheerful smile was just too…friendly. He couldn't help smiling back.

"We talked a lot," Roxas admitted.

"Yeah? What about?" Roxas wondered how Demyx managed to ask that and not sound invasively nosy.

"Um, well, about the stuff we've been through and…about love and relationships and stuff."

Demyx grinned. "Don't be makin' a move on my boyfriend now." He poked Roxas teasingly in the arm. Roxas…actually laughed. He was surprised – he should have been horrified at the suggestion, he should have been in a panic or even just felt hurt, like Demyx had implied he was just that slutty. Somehow, though, he just knew it was OK – it was a friendly joke, nothing meant by it at all, and Roxas wasn't the least bit offended.

Demyx was probably…pretty amazing. Being able to be so naturally relaxed and casual.

"I'm not," he smiled, "but can I ask you something…um, something really personal?"

Demyx smiled too, rolling his eyes. "Of course."

Roxas lowered his voice, leaning in a little. "I don't mean to sound sick, but normally it's just so obvious to me, and with you two I can't tell at _all_, no matter how much I see of you, I mean, I can't be sure…"

"What about?"

Roxas bit his lip. "About…I mean…who tops?"

Demyx burst into laughter. "Oh, _that!_ Sheesh, Roxas, you almost had me worried." Demyx giggled a little more before answering, with perfect openness. "He does, usually. Unless we feel like something different, or if he needs a little extra attention."

Roxas' eyes were slightly widened. "He…he lets you top?"

Demyx shrugged. "I wouldn't say '_lets._' We just…like a little variety sometimes." He smiled sweetly. The shorter blond just blinked, seeming totally baffled. Demyx continued.

"You know, Roxas, it's not really about who tops and who bottoms though. I mean, not for us. So it's not a big deal."

The shorter blond's brow furrowed slightly. "What's it about then? I mean…I don't get it."

The musician's smile was slightly dreamy. "Well, you know, it's kinda more about…just being together. Being close and sharing this really cool intimacy and, like, expressing our love. It doesn't really matter who does what, because it's all about what we're doing _together_. Like, I get to experience him in a way no one else does, and it _rocks_. And vice versa and all. And what's _great_ is, as much as I love being _so so _close to him and I wanna get even closer, I know he feels exactly the same."

Demyx was grinning off into space and rambling a bit, but Roxas didn't mind. His mind was trying to stretch to contain the concepts the other blond was just rattling off. It had been a very thought-provoking day. And what Demyx was talking about sounded…really wonderful.

Zexion emerged then, and, taking one look at his starry-eyed boyfriend, asked, "Good lord, he wasn't talking your ear off about sitars, was he?"

The two blonds just broke into a fit of laughter together, Roxas shaking his head.

"No, darling, I was just telling Rox about how he couldn't have gotten a better boyfriend…because _you_ are_ taken_." With a grin, Demyx pulled his lover into a hug.

Zexion snorted. "As usual, I can't tell if I'm more charmed by your possessiveness or your silliness."

Demyx just squeezed him happily. "Isn't he _great_, Rox? I just _adore_ him."

Zexion rolled his eyes, but smiled, then detached his lover to retrieve his hoodie and pull it back on, while Roxas just admired them.

"Thanks for coming over today, Zexion."

"No, thanks for having me." The other replied. "I'm not used to sitting around with nothing to do; at least it's nice having some company to pass the time."

Roxas nodded, genuinely pleased. "I hope you can come again, then. It's nice for me too."

Zexion and Demyx agreed to visit again, and soon they were departing, waving goodbye as Roxas saw them off, bolting the door carefully behind them.

Axel would be home soon, and Roxas couldn't wait to see him.

~o~


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:**

Boo, I take too long. *phailtastic* Well, anyway. Dedicated to my Kiki. Because I worship the ever-lovin _pants_ off her. ^_^

* * *

Roxas was waiting by the door when he heard Axel's key in the lock. A hurried glance through the peephole, and Roxas was yanking the bolt back and throwing the door open to the only man he'd ever met with hair that red.

Beaming happily, he all but jumped into Axel's arms, nearly knocking the man over. Axel yelped in surprise, dropping his computer case – not caring either, it was well-padded enough – and reaching for Roxas, quickly wrapping his arms around the blond to support his weight.

Roxas' face was buried in Axel's shirt, and he just…_inhaled_ the man's wonderful, familiar scent. The whole apartment smelled like him, of course, but not _enough_. Roxas was already getting used to the apartment, the scent ceasing to register in his mind, but this…this was better. Stronger. It was Axel's cologne after a long day and just a little bit of dried sweat from the hot drive home, and one deep breath wasn't enough. Roxas inhaled again, and then again, and Axel was laughing at him as Roxas clung to him, sniffing and smiling.

And even though it was hot out on the landing, Roxas wasn't thinking about getting back into the apartment, not yet. He was thinking…that he hadn't been this happy to see someone in months. And he was dreamily wondering if that meant that what Zexion had said about love…

And then he heard Axel's laughter calm down, and a deep voice with a deep smile in it greeted him – "Hey, you." Then there was a hand touching his cheek, lifting his face from Axel's chest, and he was looking up at the other man, at those green eyes with the little crinkles at the corners from Axel's wide grin.

"So I guess you missed me?" Axel teased softly, and Roxas just sighed and reached upward.

"Lots," he murmured, and then Axel was kissing him, one arm drawing him closer, settling more securely around him as their lips met in a warm caress. Roxas just closed his eyes, enjoying the way Axel made his heart race.

A shocked gasp from further down the landing caused both young men to open their eyes and glance sideways. Roxas broke away when he saw they were being watched – a little old lady with iron-gray hair in rollers was staring at them, wrinkled face appalled as she stood frozen in her doorway.

Axel grinned nervously. "Uh…heh heh, good afternoon, Mrs. MacEnroy." The old lady's face began to move from blank shock to scandalized…and deeply interested in her neighbor's business. Roxas was glad when Axel decided to forget about making further conversation with the lady next door, instead grabbing up his computer case, his free hand clasping Roxas', and pulled them both into the apartment.

Axel dropped his stuff again with a relieved exhalation, then his eyes met Roxas'. The blond felt himself struggling to conceal a smirk…but not for long. Axel burst into laughter, and Roxas immediately joined him. It was a moment before Axel could speak through his chuckles.

"Well, I must admit…I've scandalized her before, but this may be my most appalling crime to date."

"Mmm," Roxas hummed, smiling, then sidled closer, lids drooping over his eyes. "Sooo…how was your day, dear?"

Axel grinned fondly down at him, then tapped his chin in mock thought as his other hand snaked around Roxas' waist again. "Miserably lacking in _you_, I'm afraid." He sighed melodramatically.

Roxas chuckled, his arms sliding up around Axel's neck. "Well…fortunately, I have _lots_ of me, right here…and you can have _all you want._"

Axel purred. "Hmm, tempting." Then, he leaned down for another kiss, this one slower, deeper…more enticing.

And Axel's embrace and the taste of the other man were so thrilling to Roxas, so perfect…at once, he felt the familiar surge of desire rising up, powerful and magnetic, making him hunger for Axel. But this time, he didn't have to fight it or force it down. Knowing what it was and why he felt it, Roxas was somehow able to calmly and gently put it aside. He wasn't denying it or crushing it, just…saving it for later. He didn't know when, but he knew the time would come. And even though he wanted more, more of Axel, all of him _now_ – that hadn't changed in the least – he found that, at least for the time being, he could just focus on the present, on the little details of this kiss, right now…and that was more than enough to love.

He loved Axel's scent around him; he loved the slightly-firmer-than-gentle pressure of those arms holding him; he loved the way Axel moved his mouth, alternating between mostly lips and mostly tongue in a not-quite-predictable pattern; he loved the brush of Axel's hair over his fingers behind the man's neck; he loved the angle as he leaned upward, feeling just slightly swept away but not completely; he loved Axel's breath against his face; he loved the occasional low hums of pleasure Axel made. He loved everything. Like Zexion had said – every little thing about Axel was wonderful to Roxas.

Like this, when he was cherishing the details, wanting more was quite simply beyond what he could manage. Axel already occupied his full attention, and Roxas was very busy loving and appreciating every bit of the man.

The finally parted, slowly…lingering just a little longer. Axel gazed down at him, his eyes and smile so, so soft as he spoke. "I was thinking of a beer after work today…but you are _way_ more relaxing."

Roxas winked playfully. "I'm low-calorie too."

Chuckling, Axel bantered back, "Ooh, I'm getting a new, healthy lifestyle already. Maybe I should start working out."

Roxas leaned in again, grinning broadly. "Well, if you're in need of a workout, I can also help with that…"

Amused fire danced in Axel's eyes, his hands sliding to Roxas' hips and tightening as he dove in for a brief kiss, rougher than before. Then he pulled back, but not far, breathing against Roxas' lips.

"Tease." They grinned at each other, nose to nose for a moment. Finally, Axel bumped his forehead lightly against Roxas'. "I'm gonna go change and then cook you dinner, kay?"

"Kay." Roxas smiled again and released his boyfriend. Axel's fingers squeezed Roxas' hips briefly, then he turned toward the bedroom. Blue eyes trailed after the redhead for a moment before the blond turned and wandered back over to the couch to wait for Axel to change.

And Roxas made another discovery – just because he'd been able to put off his desire until "later" didn't mean he could pick and choose _when_ that feeling would come raging back, filling him with a burning craving for _Axel_, for _more_. His breathing was suddenly heavy and fast, and his skin felt horribly lonely, especially where Axel had just touched him. His fingers lifted automatically to trace his lips, remembering the way Axel's kisses felt.

_Zexion was right…it really is the other way around from what I always thought. I…I wonder how long until we can get closer. _He paused._ Actually, maybe I should wonder how much longer I can stand the wait. _

Roxas sighed. _I want him so much…_

~o~

Roxas was washing dishes as Axel opened and started up his laptop in the living room. The blond had absolutely insisted upon cleaning up, saying that it was only fair, since Axel had cooked. And Axel allowed himself to be convinced, adding that he _did_ have a few phone calls to make…

Roxas had unceremoniously shoved him out of the kitchen at that. Axel was secretly a little glad – it meant that he could call a few of Luxord's contacts without his houseguest overhearing, and without having to find a more suspicious excuse to be left alone.

The reporter knew well enough where he should start. When digging up dirt on a guy who you know to have a certain vice, sniff around the connections closest to that vice. In other words – call the guy in the sex industry.

Starting with the first of the two Luxord had given him, Axel dialed the scribbled number. His phone rang twice before it was picked up, music and background noise immediately hitting his eardrum painfully. The next moment, a gruff male voice came over the line.

"Yeah, what? Who's this?"

Axel cleared his throat briefly. "Hello, is this Amarant Coral?"

"This is Coral. You are?"

"My name is Axel, I work with someone you know…a man named Luxord." The noise continued, but the deep voice paused a moment.

"Hang on."

Axel waited, and from the noise level on the other end of the line, it sounded like the man had left wherever he was, abandoning it for someplace quieter. At last the voice spoke again, a little lower and quieter than before.

"Now. Who sent you again?"

"His name is Luxord…" Axel was cut off from continuing.

"And how do you know him?"

"He's a colleague of mine. We work together."

"He gave you this number?"

"Yes, he did." Axel maintained an even tone, even though the curt questioning was almost antagonizing.

There was a short huff of breath. "What do you want?" It was almost stated more than asked.

Axel began to carefully explain. "I was wondering if I could meet with you to ask you a few questions. Strictly off-the-record, of course." He almost smiled, remembering how adamant Roxas had been about that point at their first interview. And he had been posing as a novelist then, rather than letting on that he was a reporter.

Before he could continue, the voice cut in again. "Tomorrow lunch. Fine?"

Startled, Axel agreed. "Um, yes. Where would you like to…?"

"Bar called The Claw on South Jackson Avenue. Noon. Fine?"

"Uh, yes, thanks. I'll see you…" The line went dead as Axel finished, "…then."

Forcing himself to shut his phone gently, Axel tried to remain calm. _This is a good thing. He's willing to talk to me. We're getting somewhere. It doesn't matter if he's an asshole. He's a lead._

Sighing, Axel set to work looking up the bar the man had mentioned and finding directions online. He needed to make sure he'd have enough time on his lunch break for the trip.

It looked like he would.

As Axel was contemplating calling the other contacts as well, Roxas emerged from the kitchen, smiling and walking over.

"Done your calls, or more work to do?"

The redhead smiled back and shut his laptop. "Nothing pressing. Though I do need to get caught up on _you_." He grinned, winking teasingly at Roxas. There was absolutely no way to express how much he loved doing this – talking to the guy, flirting shamelessly, touching…everything to do with Roxas made his pulse race and little shivers prickle the back of his neck, and he couldn't stop smiling for the world. He'd been in relationships before, sure, but he knew he'd never felt like this. Love…was better than he'd ever realized.

Roxas was settling into his lap, straddling his legs and looping his arms around Axel's neck. It was…thrilling. Dangerous, yes…but they were both getting better at controlling these things. Besides, he knew Roxas was doing better and understood more now, and Axel could wait…because they'd get there. Sooner or later…_God I hope it's sooner_…it would happen.

The blond was grinning just as wickedly as he answered Axel's flirting. "Hey, if you need to get _on me_, we can take care of that anytime." As he finished answering, Axel felt first warm breath and then soft lips touch his own as Roxas kissed him.

This…this was paradise. At least…Axel couldn't think of anything else on earth that came close. As he kissed back softly, arms winding behind Roxas to draw him close, he didn't even think of the risks this relationship was bringing him. Potential costs and extra trouble – none of it occurred to him, because none of it mattered. He was ready to sacrifice anything for this love…for Roxas.

"Mmmm," Roxas hummed in unconscious pleasure. Axel couldn't help grinning a little into the kiss at that.

"Somebody's…mmm…happy," Axel teased, still grinning. He was talking and smiling too much, damnit…kissing was getting messy. As Roxas broke away to reply,Axel chided himself in disappointment._ Stupid klutz. You made him stop._

The blond's tongue traced briefly over his lips. "Somebody _makes_ me happy," Roxas teased back, winking.

_Oh well. Never mind. _"Good," Axel smiled softly, tightening his arms until Roxas was pressed against him in a firm hug. This was good, too. Very good. It made his heart pound a little heavier when Roxas returned the embrace, laying his head on Axel's shoulder and squeezing back.

They stayed like that for a moment, until Axel remembered something. "Oh…I forgot. I have something for you." Roxas released him to send a questioning blue glance in his direction. Axel just smiled and moved to get up. "Let me up, I'll go get it."

"Kay." Roxas did, sliding off his lap and settling on the couch to wait, while Axel went in search of his suit. He had left it in the inner pocket…

Finding what he was looking for, Axel returned to the living room, where Roxas waited on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest and looking up at Axel with an expectant smile. The redhead settled himself comfortably close, wrapping an arm around Roxas' shoulders.

"Now, don't let the landlord find out about this, because I'm not supposed to make copies, but…" Axel held out his hand, offering Roxas the result of his trip to the hardware store on the way home. The spare key.

He watched as Roxas' face broke into a wide smile of understanding, and the blond took the key from his hand, looking at it for a moment. Then, blue eyes found his, and Roxas answered softly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Axel breathed, then moved closer, placing a soft peck against Roxas' lips. Kissing Roxas just…never got old. Feeling the boy's shudders of delight, hearing the little, pleased sounds he made as they drew closer again…Axel wanted to spend his whole life appreciating these little things.

He lost track of time, like he seemed to do every time he and Roxas got this close. He didn't know how long it had been when they finally parted again. They were both breathing a little heavily, and Axel took that as a sign that they needed to slow down, before one or both of them started to lose it.

Roxas, fortunately, was still smiling and snuggled close immediately. "I…I know it sounds kind of bad," he began, "But I'm almost glad…you know, for the circumstances. Because I get to live with you." Roxas chuckled. "And even if it's temporary, it's…really cool. Living with my…my boyfriend." He beamed at Axel, who returned the expression gladly. Then, the redhead swallowed, a little nervously.

"Well…you know," he hesitated, trying to find the right words. "I mean, it doesn't have to be only temporary. That is…when things calm down again, I don't wanna hold you back or restrict your independence or anything. But…at the same time…well, you're welcome to stay here too, if you want."

Blue eyes widened, just a little. "I don't want to impose though…" Axel shook his head at Roxas' uncertainty and replied, softly and seriously.

"Roxas. I've never been this happy in my _life_. And I'll be happy still, if you want to go, as long as we can be together, but…I couldn't possibly dislike having you here, either. I know it hasn't been long, but I really love having you here. And that's not gonna change."

He felt Roxas' fingers find his own and squeeze. "Even if it's crowded and I hog all the covers?" The blond teased.

Axel rolled his eyes. "You don't, though. You're a perfect…uh, bunkmate." Axel thanked his lucky stars he'd been able to come up with that relatively non-insinuating term on the spur of the moment. "Thinking of which, though," he grimaced slightly, "we may need to change the sleeping arrangements. Not that I want to!" He hastily corrected, seeing Roxas' disappointment. Axel struggled to explain. "It's my fault; I just…I don't trust myself to share a bed with you every night. I'm, uh, worried about what I'll do in my sleep."

Roxas' wry smile showed his understanding. "I suppose it won't help to say I don't mind what you do to me?"

Axel just chuckled, and leaned in to briefly kiss Roxas' cheek. "I'll sleep here on the couch, for now."

Roxas' disappointment grew to a pout. "No, I should! I'm the guest…and anyway, I don't wanna sleep in your bed all alone."

Axel sighed. "Well, I don't want you camping in my living room. It isn't good enough for you." He considered a moment, while Roxas reddened slightly. "Look," he amended, "how about we switch? Take turns on the couch? Sound fair?"

Roxas still didn't look thrilled, but he nodded. "I guess it can't be helped. For now." And Axel knew what he meant…and silently agreed. He didn't like it much either, but he felt better about it knowing that it was only for now…and soon, maybe they'd be back to sharing a bed. In the meantime…

"OK. That's settled." Axel turned his body a bit so that he could more comfortably give Roxas his full attention. "So how was hanging out with Zexion today? You guys get along?"

And, as Roxas briefly described his day and questioned Axel in return about his, the redhead found himself more than content just to sit with his boyfriend and talk. They never even thought to turn the TV on – the conversation carried from one topic to the next, until both were too tired to hold their eyes open anymore, and there was nothing left to do but play rock, paper, scissors for who got the couch tonight, and then go to bed.

~o~

The Claw was a dark, quiet bar during the daytime. Axel entered the slightly-dusky atmosphere and looked around. Aside from the bartender, there were a few scattered patrons, but Axel couldn't be sure which was the man he'd come to see. So, as unobtrusively as possible, he approached the bar. The bartender, seeing him, came over.

"What'll it be?" The dull voice asked.

Axel leaned in slightly, questioning quietly. "Actually, I'm here to meet someone. Do you know an Amarant Coral?"

Dark eyes stopped on his face, studying him a moment. Then, without a word, the man pointed to the far corner of the bar. Axel looked – there was only one customer in that direction, a man sitting at a table in a dark corner. Axel nodded to the bartender. "Thanks. You have coffee?"

The man nodded, relaxing a little with Axel's order. "I'll bring it over. Have to make a fresh pot."

"Thanks." Axel turned away and headed for the table.

The man who was apparently Amarant Coral didn't look up as he approached. Axel examined his potential informant, studying him. He was…a little intimidating. He was huge, for one thing, and very muscular. A mass of reddish dreadlocks covered his head, and tattoos marked his large biceps. He had a beard, and his skin was a bit sickly-looking in tone.

When Axel reached the table he paused, cautiously asking, "Mr. Amarant Coral?"

"Sit." A deep voice cut in at once. Axel did, without argument.

The man across from him sipped a beer, and when Axel tried to begin talking, he only cut in again.

"Wait."

Axel waited for several minutes in increasing discomfort. Finally, the bartender brought over a coffee mug and set it down in front of Axel, pouring the strong-smelling black liquid out, then leaving. At this, the man across from him apparently decided to speak.

"It's Coral." Narrowed eye finally met his. "Ask your questions."

Axel ignored his coffee and started in. "I'm looking into this guy. A businessman. He has some shady interests, and I'm willing to pay for any information you can give me that would help me find out more about that. Especially if his activities can be proven to be criminal." Axel went on to briefly explain what Xemnas had done to Roxas. "I wonder if you've ever encountered him in…in your line of work. He's got long, white hair, and his name is Xemnas."

Coral took another slow swallow of beer. "Doesn't sound familiar. But you say he's been after this boy?"

"Yes," Axel affirmed.

The muscled man shook his head. "If he's into little boys, he wouldn't run into my sort." The man set his empty glass down and met Axel's eyes again. "I run a call service of Doms. Guys that look like me. Big. Not little boys. Most of our clients want us to tie them up an' shit. Guy like you're talkin about – he wouldn't call us."

Brief as the explanation was, Axel understood. "I see…" However, he couldn't help making sure. "Are you sure you never even heard of him before? Any leads to others who could tell me about him…"

Coral cut him off again. "Look. I'm sorry. Don't know him. I'd love to give you leads – you offered to pay. I'd love to talk your damn ear off, but none of it would get you shit. And Luxord would fuck my ass up if I stole from one of his boys. So…sorry. Love to tell ya some expensive lies, but can't."

Axel nodded as the huge man stood. "Thanks for your time then. Appreciate it." A grunt was his only answer before Coral left.

_It's OK. One down. Time to check the next lead._ Axel checked his watch. _No time now though. _Then, after a moment's thought, as he left a tip under his untouched coffee cup and turned to leave, he decided what he would do instead.

_I'll call Roxas. I can see how he's doing, and tell him I'll be a little later tonight. Then I can call the other contact this afternoon, while I'm out on field work, and maybe meet him after work._

With that decided, he unlocked his car, spirits already rising again as he dialed his apartment. He couldn't wait to hear Roxas' voice.

~o~

"Hot dogs? Yeah I like hot dogs…sure."

Roxas was smiling secretly to himself as Axel's voice came over the phone. "Can you look in my freezer and make sure I have a package?"

"Yeah I can check…hang on." He hurried from the couch to the kitchen with the cordless phone and opened the freezer. There was a package of frozen hot dogs beside a pizza. "Yeah you have some."

He listened as Axel asked another question. "Is there anything else you want with them? I know I have rolls and ketchup and mustard and probably some relish, and I can chop up an onion, and I think I have a can of baked beans if you like. Anything else you like with hot dogs? I can get whatever you want."

Roxas flushed a little, happily. "No I'm good, that'll be great."

As Axel continued on from dinner plans to explaining that he'd be a little later, Roxas meandered back to the couch, sitting again, and just enjoying the way Axel's voice sounded over the phone. The man was apologizing about the extra wait for dinner, but Roxas wouldn't hear it.

"No, no, it's perfectly OK. Good luck with the rest of your day."

"Thanks. I'm back at the office now, gotta get back to work…"

Roxas was a little regretful that the call was over. "OK, I'll see you later then."

Axel's final goodbye turned the blond's face suddenly red, and Roxas stammered an answering farewell. He still felt like his stomach did a somersault every time he heard those words from Axel.

_I love you._

Sighing, Roxas hung up. He had goosebumps on his arms and his heart rate had sped up. Shaking his head to drive away silly thoughts, he clicked the TV off "mute" again and listened to the sound of the daytime talk show suddenly giving meaning to the images. He watched for a few minutes as some overweight women argued, growing increasingly noisy until they started fighting. Raising a bored eyebrow, Roxas clicked over to another channel.

After a minute of channel surfing, he lost interest in the TV and turned it off. His thoughts wouldn't leave him alone anyway. Glancing at the phone, he hesitated a minute before reaching over and snatching it up again. Zexion and Demyx weren't coming over today, but he knew Demyx's home number was stored in the phone. Finding it, Roxas dialed and listened to it ring.

When it was picked up, he spoke. "Hello, Zexion? Yeah, it's Roxas. Are you busy?" Zexion wasn't, and asked what was up. "Um…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"OK. Well…how do you tell a person you love them?"

~o~

The building Axel stood in front of looked fairly nondescript from the outside. Brick, with a vague and unassuming sign marking it as "Vinnie's." Nothing in the place's appearance indicated that it was an S&M club and bondage hotel.

The phone call Axel had made earlier in the day while between field assignments had gone much like the first, except that instead of catching the contact in a loud club of some kind, Axel had apparently caught him asleep in the middle of the day. However, at the mention of Luxord's name, this man had also shut up and agreed to meet Axel. The young reporter was really beginning to be in awe of his senior editor's influence.

Taking the initiative, Axel had asked if today would work for an appointment, and the contact had agreed. Apparently, he couldn't be spared from the club for too long in the late afternoon, and had asked Axel to come find him at his building.

So here Axel was, knocking on the front door when a try at the handle found it locked. After continuing to knock for a good minute, he finally heard someone on the other side – footsteps, and then a scuffling with the door. It was opened by a man in a cowboy hat, and Axel was welcomed into…a tiny, bare room.

Surprised, he glanced around briefly before turning his guarded study to the man.

"Irvine Kinneas?" He questioned. The guy had long, light brown hair tied back in a ponytail, and black, fingerless gloves…and the cowboy hat topped off an overall Western getup.

"Naw, call me Vinnie. Yer Axel, ain'tcha? Luxord's pal? What can I help ya with?"

Axel couldn't quite contain his curiosity. "This…is a club? It looks abandoned…"

The other man shrugged amiably. "This here's the front, pal. The patrons don't use this door; we operate from the back door, know what I mean? Have to. Now c'mon, I ain't got a lotta time. Not to be rude, ya know, but we're gettin ready for tonight."

"Right." Axel quickly and briefly repeated the explanation he had given to Coral a few hours before, asking his questions again. "Have you ever seen or had dealings with a man like this? A businessman, with long, silver hair, named Xemnas?"

For the briefest second, the easy grin the man had worn the entire time seemed frozen. Axel couldn't be sure…but his reporter's instinct tingled a moment. And then, the cowboy shrugged again. "Naw, pal, I never heard of a guy like that. Pretty sure I'd remember that physical description too, know what I mean? Nah, sorry, can't tell ya nothin."

Again, Axel had to make sure. "You sure? I'd be happy to pay for any helpful information…" He watched "Vinnie" carefully.

"Shucks, pal, you make it temptin!" A heavy hand came slapping down on Axel's shoulder, startling him a bit. "But I can't tell ya what I don't know. Sure would be happy to though, if ya hadn't come from Luxord."

_Yeah, heard that before. _Now Axel was _sure_ there was a lot more to the older reporter than met the eye. "All right," he relented. "Thanks anyway."

"Sure thing, any time!" The eccentric man saw him out of the disused front door, Axel turning his steps toward his parked car again. He was discouraged that nothing had turned up today…yet in spite of that, his steps moved more swiftly and his spirits picked up, as soon as he thought about Roxas waiting back at his apartment.

_Well, there's always the illegal goods contacts to try…and maybe Luxord can dig up someone else. And anyway, we've got time. Roxas is safe as long as he stays out of sight…_

The thought of his new live-in boyfriend banished all the worries from Axel's mind. He couldn't wait to get home and…well, cook hot dogs and watch TV or talk or…or something.

_With Roxas._

~o~


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:**

Ugh, fuck. Three and a half months. If anyone's still reading this, I don't fucking deserve _any_ of you. Thank you.

For Sara Norikuu, who read this just to motivate me. Thank you dear!

And for Kiki, for finishing her _finals_ OMFG and for being a doll even though I _missed her birthday_. I _will_ atone. ^__^;

* * *

Wednesday was even less successful than Tuesday. Axel saw Luxord at work and quickly updated him on the meetings with the two sex industry informants. Luxord frowned and hummed and told Axel to try the other guys while he looked for new contacts. In the meantime, there was no definite answer yet on the judge. Axel sighed and thanked the older reporter and agreed to call the other informants.

He made both calls over lunch. The illegal goods informant claimed he wasn't in town, could it wait a week? Axel insisted on urgency, dropped Luxord's name again, and finally got a promise that the guy could see him Thursday afternoon. Agreeing on a time and place, Axel moved on to the guy with drug connections. For some reason, this unusual character just wanted to "do lunch" – Axel got the distinct impression that the informant would expect him to pay – and, since Axel's lunch was nearly over, Thursday lunch was set up with the second contact.

Without extra stops to make that day, and with five minutes left on his lunch, Axel made a quick call home to Roxas. It more than made up for his disappointments when he heard a smile-filled greeting from the blond.

"Hey, just wanted to see how you were doin' today." Axel felt his own face splitting in a grin already.

"I'm good," Roxas' voice came over the line. "Zexion came over again today, he's teaching me card games right now."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah…when will you be home today?"

Axel thought a minute. He kinda needed groceries… "Well, I can get off a little earlier, so I thought I'd swing by the store. Anything you want me to get?"

"Um, I don't think so…"

Roxas apparently still wasn't used to demanding things too much. Axel smiled and began trying another tactic. "How much coffee do I have left?"

"Oh, let me check…" A pause. "Um, it's a little low."

"OK, I'll get that. What about…" And Axel proceeded to ask about a few more grocery items, forming a list from what Roxas told him he was low on, while suggesting other foods that he knew he didn't have, fishing to see if there was anything Roxas would tell him to get. By the end of his lunch, he had a decent list for that afternoon.

"OK, thanks for checking on everything for me. Sorry to interrupt your card game."

"No, it's OK! I mean…um, see you this afternoon?"

A sigh escaped him. "Yeah…six hours. See you then. Love you."

He could _hear_ Roxas blush. It was beautiful. "Yeah…later, Axel."

Well, so Wednesday hadn't been particularly productive so far. All of a sudden Axel didn't care. Tomorrow would be busy, and one day wouldn't matter. Hiding out in his apartment, Roxas was untraceable. His only reason to rush was his concern that Roxas would get bored staying alone all day five days a week. For now though, things were fine. They were fine. Life with Roxas was better than he could have imagined…and it was only improving.

~o~

"Roxas I'm sorry, there just isn't a right or a wrong about these things. It depends on _you_."

"Well, OK, I understand that. But can't you at least tell me how you told Demyx?" Zexion had been reluctant to share details over the phone yesterday, and Roxas was still struggling to figure out how to say what he wanted to.

Zexion sighed, a slight tinge of pink coloring his visible cheek. "Fine. I guess…" Roxas nodded for him to continue, hopeful. "Well, I basically sprung it on him. But I had thought about it in advance, and decided to do that. Because I know he loves surprises, and…and because he's a really go-with-the-flow person, and I was noticing how he really enjoys it when things happen in an unplanned sort of manner. Which is so hard for me to keep up with sometimes, I swear," Zexion chuckled, shaking his head and shuffling the deck of cards. They were between games.

"See, I would have rather planned a nice dinner, set everything up, and prepared things. But I also wanted to tell him my feelings in a way that would be more meaningful to _him_. So I decided to spring it on him, but I made sure it was still a good time. Timing is important."

"So what did you do?" Roxas prompted.

"Well, I picked a Sunday night, because I knew he had nothing going on the next day. Weekends are busier for him. And he came over and brought takeout for dinner, and I waited until we got a chance to eat and all. And then when we were cleaning up after, I just kinda hugged him randomly and told him." Zexion blushed a little darker, smiling. "He was _so _happy…" Now the slate-haired man was _really _red. "And I don't need to tell you the rest – basically all you need to know is it worked out very well."

As Zexion took a drink from his usual glass of water, Roxas decided against pressing him for details. He didn't need to pry into their love life that much…he was almost regretting asking as much as he had, but he just needed some _guidance_ in this. It was…unexpectedly complicated and tricky.

Musing aloud, he changed the subject for Zexion. "Well…I don't know if Axel likes surprises…but I'm a little worried about him believing me. I want to tell him so that he knows he really _can_ believe me, and I'm guessing that saying it out of the blue like that might just give him another reason to doubt me."

Zexion nodded, his color returning to normal. The man seemed pleased to be given a puzzle to think on, rather than being asked to explain his private life. "That's an excellent observation. I think you're right. You don't want to give him grounds to doubt any confession you make…not that he wouldn't think you _meant_ it, but he might wonder if you mean the same thing he does when he says he loves you."

"Right," Roxas agreed. "So how do I tell him?"

Zexion exhaled heavily. "Well," he pondered aloud, "if unplanned confessing would send the wrong message, logically it might be a good idea to go for a more planned approach. Make it plain in the way that you do it that you fully intended to tell him. Prepare, you know?"

Roxas frowned. "But…I don't want it to seem like I'm just trying to get him into bed…" The mention of preparation made Roxas automatically think of his previous occupation. "Preparation" meant sex clothes or no clothes, aphrodisiac incense or maybe pills, candles and bed sheets and maybe sex toys already in view and available. And Roxas would _love_ to make such preparations for Axel, but he felt sure that the redhead would get the wrong message entirely. An ex-slut beckoning from the bedroom just sounded more like lust talking than love.

Zexion seemed confused a moment, before he apparently guessed at Roxas' train of thought. A little crease appearing between his brows, he explained, "Preparation doesn't necessarily have to be for sex, Roxas. Not that…I mean, well. That might follow, but you can keep _those_ preparations invisible." He was reddening again. "What I meant was, words, no matter how rehearsed, can appear to be produced on the spot, quickly. Things like, say, a letter – that would have to be written in advance. So a confession that even partially uses something written would carry the natural implication that it was planned, and therefore it feels more intentional."

Roxas processed this idea. "So I should write it to him in a letter?"

With a helpless wave of a hand, Zexion shrugged. "I don't know, Roxas. Maybe you could write part of it down, all of it, whatever you want to do. I really can't tell you how to confess. Just…pick your timing and try to express yourself the way _you_ want to. You're going to have to figure the particulars out on your own."

Sighing dejectedly, Roxas picked up the cards Zexion dealt him one at a time. "OK…thanks for the help, Zexion."

The slate-haired man just nodded acknowledgement. "Now," he started, "_Gin _rummy."

~o~

Demyx had picked Zexion up an hour ago, and Roxas was watching TV, flicking through the channels, when he heard Axel's key in the lock. Clicking the set off at once, he jumped up to greet the man, all smiles.

Axel's entry was disastrous compared to his usual arrival – five plastic grocery bags of varying weights filled his arms, as well as his laptop case, suit jacket, and the mail clenched between his teeth. His keys, for the moment, were stuck in the lock, and the redhead was cussing his way into the apartment when Roxas rushed to help him.

"Oh my God, Axel, here, let me take that! I had no _idea_ you were gonna buy so much!" The redhead gladly allowed Roxas to relieve him of a few bags, then used his free hand to yank his keys free and shut the door, setting the other bags down long enough to pull the mail from his mouth. Roxas was already halfway to the kitchen by the time Axel could speak and continue his progress with the rest of the groceries.

"Yeah, I just kept thinking of things we might want as I was going through the store." He set his bags down on the kitchen table along with the ones Roxas was unpacking.

"Anything else in your car?"

"No, I made it all in one trip." A weary swipe of one hand through red hair as Axel set his computer and coat down, then stretched his arms out for the blond busying himself with the bags. "What's this, the groceries get more welcome than me already?" He was grinning teasingly as Roxas looked up in surprise, just in time to be enveloped in warm arms and that glorious, overpowering Axel-scent.

"Mmm," the blond purred, arms going around Axel's neck. "Sorry, I just wanted to get the cold stuff put away…" Axel didn't let him finish, and Roxas didn't try. He just gave in, opening to the kiss and letting his eyes fall shut and forgetting the whole world for a minute while Axel kissed him. Axel rubbed slow circles low on his back, and Roxas shivered in delight.

At last they parted, slowly as always, each whispering "Hi" in turn and gazing into the other's eyes. Then Roxas swallowed, suggesting, "Why don't you go get changed while I put things away?"

Axel pecked quickly at his nose, making Roxas grin even more broadly. "I'll be right back to help."

"Kay."

The man departed to change slacks and a button-down for a T-shirt and shorts. Roxas banned his imagination from following the redhead into the bedroom and focused on the groceries.

Almost at once, Roxas began to wonder if the redhead had decided to suddenly broaden his tastes, or if perhaps he had just always been a guest here when Axel was way overdue for a grocery run. He became especially suspicious when he unpacked pita bread, an item he hadn't seen even a hint of in Axel's diet. The second to the last bag, however, held the most curious item, and Roxas unpacked it just as the redhead himself reappeared, grabbing up his jacket and computer that he had left in the kitchen.

"Axel," he began, holding up a pint of hazelnut-flavored coffee creamer, "why did you get this? I thought you drink your coffee black?"

Green eyes glanced up before Axel's face became suddenly a bit sheepish. "Oh, I thought you liked it…so I got it for you."

Blue eyes blinked at the redhead as he tried to escape with his belongings. "How did you know I like it? I don't remember telling you…"

"Uh, no…" Axel called back, glancing at the blond who followed him as he set his computer on the coffee table. "Uh, remember when we met up for those interviews in the café, and they had those little portion thingies of creamer? I saw you use a hazelnut one then." And, with an awkward grin, the man disappeared into his room again to hang up his jacket.

Roxas stared at the pint in his hand. _He noticed that…and that was months ago! How could he possibly remember such a thing now?_ Taking a deep breath Roxas returned to the kitchen, feeling a little like he was walking in a dream all of a sudden.

_Axel…Axel…oh God I love him._ _I __**love**__ him…_

The sudden certainty had no rhyme or reason – it just _was_, and it was overpowering. _I want to tell him…_

Axel returned to help with the groceries, and Roxas turned to put the creamer away, biting back the sudden surge of words. If he hadn't decided so clearly that he wanted to plan his confession, he felt sure he would have blurted it out at that moment, sneaking glances at the lanky man who briskly helped straighten the kitchen. But no…no. Even if Axel did like surprises, Roxas didn't want to tell him something so genuine for the first time while putting food away.

Instead, he and Axel finished with the groceries. Then, quickly and quietly, Roxas came up behind Axel and wrapped his arms around the taller man's torso, pressing his face into Axel's T-shirt.

"Hey," the redhead chuckled, a little surprised, his hands touching Roxas' and holding them against his abdomen. "What's up, babe?"

Roxas just giggled into Axel's warm back. "Babe?"

"Well," the man loosened his arms to that he could turn to face Roxas. "I dunno, it sounds better than 'honey' or 'sweetie' or 'darling' doesn't it?"

"What's wrong with 'dear'?" Roxas teased.

Axel rolled his eyes. "I mean for _real_ times as opposed to playing-newlywed times." He leaned down to place a soft kiss against Roxas' cheek. The blond felt his eyes slip shut for the briefest moment.

"So what's up?"

_I love you, I love you, I love you so much…_

Roxas just grinned weakly. "Nuthin'. I just wasn't done hugging you yet."

Axel chuckled, the deep vibrations in his chest thrilling Roxas as the taller man's arms slipped behind him, pulling him close. "I see, I see. What about kissing? Were you done kissing me?"

Catching his breath, Roxas smiled broader. "Not even close." Rocking up on his toes, he sought to close the distance.

"Good me neither." Axel grinned back…and then kissed him. And kissed him. And Roxas decided something.

_Either I come up with something good by this weekend, or I just tell him, with or without a plan. I __**need**__ him to know. I love him._

~o~

Every single day, it got harder for Axel to walk out his front door in the morning. Thank God Roxas didn't make it worse by holding onto him or displaying any unhappiness at Axel having to leave for work. The redhead didn't know if he could stand leaving if Roxas were to even _hint_ at wanting him to stay. And Roxas probably sensed as much and kept his demeanor bright and cheerful in the morning on purpose.

Even so, he'd been late for work this morning. Blame it on Thursdays and his own weak will. He'd have to get up early tomorrow to leave extra time for goodbye kisses that lingered longer and longer every day.

In spite of his late arrival, Axel faced his Thursday with high hopes that one or both of his interviews would produce some leads. However, his lunch with the drug dealer produced nothing but a rather exorbitant bill for just a lunch. The man claimed to have no knowledge of Xemnas, didn't even blink at the man's name.

In the afternoon, Axel asked Luxord if he had any more leads, since three out of four so far were duds. Luxord hummed and scratched his goatee and furrowed his brow and asked Axel to wait a little longer. He had to reaffirm some things with a few people, and his own writing projects were pressing on him with deadlines. But he promised he'd get to it over the weekend and have more names for Axel on Monday. Axel thanked him anyway. A small part of him was itching at every delay, but on the other hand, Roxas was safe and out of sight for now, and Luxord couldn't just throw aside his job any more than Axel could. They were both doing the best they could in the free time that they hand, while still keeping the investigation under the radar.

So Axel reminded himself to be patient, and met with the final contact after work. Again, however, he was met with a perfectly blank stare – this guy didn't seem to know Xemnas either. Axel was beginning to worry that digging up nasty personal dirt on this guy might be a false hope in the first place. Maybe he wasn't really a scumbag in general…maybe he just acted like one to the occasional cute, blond ex-prostitute.

Discouraged, he headed home at the end of a long, hot, fruitless day. He was exhausted, but it was OK – the sight of Roxas could clear him of negativity in five seconds flat.

And, during the course of another perfectly average evening, the little blond did exactly that. Talking to him, flirting, touching…every moment with Roxas made Axel's heart pound and an effortless smile spread over his face. The only downside was the way Axel felt about Roxas' recount of his day. The blond had seen Zexion again and spent a lot of time talking, and Axel smiled and nodded and concealed a bitter twist of jealousy. Not that…not that he thought Zexion wasn't trustworthy. He knew nothing would happen. But still…just the privilege of spending so much time with Roxas this week…Axel couldn't help resenting his job and Zexion's freedom, and wishing with all his heart that _he_ had been the one playing Scrabble with Roxas today.

He took a shower early, before dinner, because it really had been a miserably hot day. Roxas' blue eyes glinted and he flushed, but the blond managed to contain the response he was thinking of when Axel announced his intention. Roxas' self-control didn't help much though – the same thought was filling the redhead's mind through his whole shower. _Soon…I hope we can take a shower together. Shit…_

Axel decided it was probably best not to allow himself to imagine that…more than he already had. Not if he wanted to get out of the shower in a reasonable and unsuspicious amount of time.

He was fully dressed before he reappeared, but that didn't prevent a noticeably intense blue gaze from following Axel around the kitchen. The redhead felt the burning glances as they fixed dinner, and while he didn't really think he looked all that appealing at the moment, he still thrilled at the idea of Roxas checking him out. And…he didn't know what he could safely do about it. Everything he thought of doing would have started them on the fast track to wrecking all their plans to wait…so in the end, Axel just acted like he hadn't noticed.

And he waited for the day when it would be OK to respond to Roxas' wanting stare with all the passion that it ignited in him.

~o~

On Friday, Axel _just_ made it to work on time, even with getting up early. At his desk in his cubicle, the reporter finished up a few end-of-the-week projects. His mind, however, was more focused on what he could do today to further his investigation. He'd exhausted Luxord's informants for now and didn't know who else to talk to. Personally, Axel wasn't friends with anyone involved in shady businesses. As far as he knew, his best bet was to go back to the archives and research. It would be a headache, but Axel didn't see what choice he had.

So, at the end of that Friday, when most of his coworkers were cutting out fifteen minutes early for happy hour, Axel took his time finishing up. He wanted to have the archives to himself, so that no one would notice what he was looking into.

Sure enough, researching after five on a Friday was an excellent way to be left completely alone. Axel spent a good hour and a half combing through the news. This time, while he was still keeping an eye out for Xemnas, his primary focus was on the articles concerning the sex trade. Reports, cover stories on crimes and arrests, anything that dropped names. He was looking for people who had been pulled from those trades who might be willing to talk now – maybe even people in prison looking for a break to get out quicker.

At 6:30, Axel instead found a ten-year-old article about the opening of a new hotel and bar in the red-light district. The picture was distinctly familiar.

_That's where I met Roxas…where he used to work._

The memory made Axel both cringe unhappily and feel a little smile creep onto his face – it wasn't a part of his boyfriend's life he was thrilled about, but he was still so, so glad to have met Roxas.

And then Axel remembered something else – the people that Roxas used to work with. Like that pink-haired man in a dress, the one he'd talked to… That guy might know something about Xemnas, given his job and the clients that came to his hotel. Or maybe, if not him, then one of the boys would have had Xemnas as a client, or would have heard something.

Axel checked his watch. He didn't know what time the boss got there, but he figured it would have to be fairly soon. His one appointment there had been at…eight? Yes, eight. So maybe the boss was already there, setting up. And maybe he would be willing to talk to Axel…he'd seemed like an OK guy. After Roxas' sister had died Axel had talked to the man, and he'd seemed deeply concerned about the boy. Maybe, for Roxas' sake, if he knew what was going on now, he'd be willing to shed some light.

Determined, the redhead gathered up his belongings. It was time to head home…by way of a little side trip to the red-light district.

~o~

To Axel's surprise, the building was already quite busy when he arrived at quarter to seven. The bar was full, as well as nearly all the tables. Two brisk bartenders were busily serving drinks, and Axel's alert eyes quickly picked up a few attractive and scantily clad boys hanging about, circulating among the crowd slowly, chatting up customers at the tables and the bar. Even as he made his way forward, new boys were emerging from the back room behind the bar. However, the pink-haired man was not in sight.

Axel was momentarily torn. He could stand around, maybe order a drink, and wait…or he could be proactive and get this done as fast as possible and get home to Roxas sooner. Putting it _that _way helped him make up his mind.

Clearing his throat, Axel did the only thing he could thing he could think of to hurry the process along.

"Excuse me…" he began, addressing one of the boys who _obviously _worked here.

The response was immediate from the boy. Axel didn't even get a chance to continue – a curling, dazzlingly seductive smile was instantly flashed his way, the half-naked boy flirtatiously tossing silver hair out of his eyes as he asked, "Something I can do for you, Hot Stuff?"

Axel quickly stepped back from the suddenly much-too-close boy. "Uh, yes. Is your boss here tonight?"

Smoothly, the silver-haired boy stepped closer again, hands slipping up to glide over Axel's clothing, smile broadening. "Mama? You don't need to see _him_, Sexy. I can take care of you. Got a room already and everything." Before Axel could break away, the kid was practically whispering in his ear. "I'll do _anything_ for you…"

Left with no choice but to be forceful, Axel pushed the kid off him by the shoulders as gently but insistently as he could. "Sorry, I'm not here for that kind of service. I just need to talk to your boss," Axel insisted. Then, taking note of the uncooperative frown on the fair face, Axel produced a fiver. "Just…call him for me? If he's here?"

Suddenly-disinterested eyes rolled, but the kid snatched the bill up and turned to stride quickly behind the bar. "Mama!" he called back through the backroom door. "Guy to see you!"

After a short pause, Marluxia, in all his dress-and-makeup glory, stuck his head out, glancing over at Axel and rolling his eyes almost at once before returning his attention to the phone he held against his face with a shoulder. Speaking quickly while jotting something on a clipboard, he held a delaying finger up at Axel as he quickly wrapped up the conversation, the boy beginning to move off again, only to be caught by the arm by his boss before he could disappear.

"Yes, thank you, we'll be expecting you." A red fingernail stabbed at the button to hang up. "Kadaj, wait! That one was for you." The silver-haired boy turned his full attention to the boss at once. "It's Mr. S again, in half an hour. Is your room ready?"

A quick nod and beaming smile. "Yes, Mama. Checked all the equipment already."

"Good boy. He'll meet you up there." The kid bounded off. The flashy man glanced up at Axel before returning his attention to his clipboard. "You again, huh?"

Axel cleared his throat again. "Yes…uh, I can see you're rather busy, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your clientele and business…"

"Busy? _Busy?_" The pink-haired man cut him off, wide-eyed. "It's a _fucking_ Friday night!" He gestured in exasperation, his voice tense but not too loud. "I'm sorry, Mister, but I've got a lot to do _any_ night, and Friday and Saturday are just out of the question, especially at this hour." The man turned abruptly, apparently intending to disappear into the back again without another word on the matter.

"Wait!" Axel called after him. "It's for Rox-…Roxie."

The boss stopped, glancing over his shoulder. "What about him?" he asked, eyes narrow.

Axel lowered his voice carefully. "Look, he's in trouble and I'm trying to help, and I need to know if you can tell me anything…" His eyes begged intensely. "Please. It's serious."

Marluxia's eyes read Axel's, widening slightly with surprise, then concern and curiosity. Pausing, the man seemed to think.

"Well…" he began, penciled brows furrowed. "I really can't now, but…" Marluxia glanced up once more, then leaned in confidentially. "Look," he all but whispered. "What happened? Is it urgent?"

Axel nodded. "Fairly. I'd like to ask you a few things as soon as possible."

A sigh of defeat. "OK, fine. Can you come back in the morning? Like, early?"

"When?"

"I can hang around until seven at the latest. Show up and we can get coffee before I go home. That's the best I can do for you. For Roxie."

Axel nodded again. "I appreciate it. I'll see you here by seven." The other man nodded, waving as he turned away again, his attention called by the phone, his clipboard, and one of the employees simultaneously.

Free of the bar, Axel took a deep breath of the sunny summer evening and turned back to his car and home.

Home. And Roxas. And, except for a quick morning meeting tomorrow, two whole days to spend in his adorable boyfriend's company.

~o~

The pad of note paper had been mostly full when Roxas found it in Axel's desk. Now it was nearly empty, all its pages torn out and crumpled up, their papery carcasses filling the wastebasket that usually stood by Axel's desk. In the end, Roxas had given up, deciding that, if he wanted to present evidence that he'd thought about this confession in advance, the wastebasket could speak for itself. Perhaps even more powerfully than an actual letter. One letter, after all, could be written quickly enough; a pile of failed attempts took a lot of time and frustrated thought to produce. _Yeah. That sounds good._

Feeling vindicated on that front, Roxas was now in the shower. He didn't know much about love confessions and how they usually went, but it sounded like Zexion's, at least, had resulted in _something_ the man was shy of talking about. And Roxas wanted that with Axel. Anything along those lines…he wanted. And he couldn't help hoping that…tonight…

Roxas almost stepped out of the shower without rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. He caught himself at the last moment with a startled jolt, shaking his head and stepping under the water again to finish his shower properly. Shampoo foam streamed from his hair and down his body as he carefully washed himself clean. Today, he didn't have the help of many of the products he once used in the shower, but that didn't matter. This shower wasn't like the ones he had been taking for years. Even though it was the same things done for the same purposes, somehow the whole process felt totally different. Maybe it was because, rather than the usual tired old automatic routine, his mind was filled with thoughts of Axel and his heart was already racing in excitement while his stomach churned in nervousness. None of these feelings had ever been a part of his showers in the past. They were strange, overwhelming, distracting. Roxas cast about for the washcloth, having forgotten where he put it…again. He was flustered. Filled with hope and fear and impatience and yearning and anxiety. Not to mention a sudden case of butterfingers. Roxas dropped everything he picked up during that shower – twice.

Cleaned up at last, Roxas turned his attention to getting dressed. As he faced his wardrobe, the blond couldn't help wishing for a few of the articles of clothing he'd abandoned in his old apartment. He didn't want to look like a slut for Axel…but he _did_ want to look attractive tonight, and his array of unassuming shirts and pants boasted nothing especially eye-catching. It had all been bought in secondhand stores and off clearance racks, after all. The best he could manage for sexiness was a beater…assuming his revealed arms were sexy, not just boney as hell. Roxas rolled his eyes at that notion and cast the beater aside as ridiculous.

In the end, he gave up and put his jeans and T-shirt back on. He had to get busy doing something about dinner.

The plan was to have dinner ready for Axel so that the redhead wouldn't have to cook for him again after a long week at work. Roxas had been cooking himself painfully healthy meals for years, since leaving his mother's house, and while he wasn't confident about the taste or presentation, he could manage to cook chicken without burning it, at least.

It made a nicer meal than pizza or hot dogs, but it still didn't amount to anything special. Roxas was becoming even more nervous about tonight as he prepared. It seemed like every time he wanted to make things stunning for Axel, the best he could manage was a passable mediocrity. He was beginning to wonder yet again what on earth the man could possibly see in him. The old voice – that nagging, gnawing doubt – was whispering.

_Common, useless, worthless, stupid. You don't deserve him…never will…common little boy…_

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and breathed deeply.

_No. Axel says he loves me. I won't treat his choice that lightly. I won't call his feelings cheap by doubting them so easily._

His talks with Zexion had given Roxas some interesting perspectives to contemplate, and he recited those ideas to himself, a mantra of affirmation.

_I choose to trust him. He says he loves me so that's all I need. I trust him, I love him, and I'll tell him. It will be fine. He __**will**__ believe me. _

The voice receded, but his stomach remained a knot of queasy uncertainty. Roxas was tempted again and again to just forget the whole thing…but he couldn't. Not when he remembered Axel – his deep voice steadily and confidently telling Roxas, "I love you." Not when he thought about the man he loved having to say those words _one more time _without Roxas being able to answer right back, "I love you, too."

No, he was done waiting. He was sure. And he was nervous, but it was time, and underneath the nervousness and fear…Roxas couldn't wait.

_It's going to be wonderful…being Axel's lover for real. Hurry…hurry and come home…_

~o~

Four days running, Axel had been met by Roxas right at the door when he got home, welcoming him with beautiful smiles and delicious kisses. Four days running he'd opened the door and Roxas was there, waiting. As different as the new routine was, Axel had become accustomed to it quite quickly. It almost came as a shock, then, when he opened the door to an empty entryway on Friday evening.

Axel, however, didn't even get a chance to wonder or worry. Roxas' voice was already calling from the kitchen, "Ah, Axel! Welcome home, I'm in here." Axel relaxed, calling back a greeting as he ditched the various burdens he carried.

Roxas popped into view at the entrance to the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready," he announced with a slightly bashful smile. "Ten minutes, tops."

Taken pleasantly off-guard by this change in the routine, Axel stepped forward, smiling. "You cooked me dinner? What's the occasion?" Roxas slid easily and comfortably into his arms, his hands settling naturally on that thin waist. Axel noticed, just as he leaned down to kiss Roxas, that the smiling blond seemed a little…different from usual. He thought he even detected a slight tremor in the hands that slipped over his shoulders and around his neck.

Roxas, however, kissed him just as warmly as always, and Axel promptly lost himself in the thrilling sensation. By the time they slowly parted, he'd almost forgotten asking a question.

"That," Roxas answered, "is a surprise." One blue eye winked cutely at him, Axel raising his eyebrows in interest, wondering what the fascinating little blond was scheming. "In the meantime," Roxas continued, "you have time for a quick shower if you hurry."

"You don't need any help with anything?" Axel tried to glance away into the kitchen, but Roxas shook his head.

"You're not allowed to help tonight. I cooked for you; you're only allowed to sit back and enjoy it. And get a shower. If you want one, that is. You don't have to." Axel wasn't sure what to attribute Roxas' sudden blush to, so he decided not to worry about it and just admired the lovely, flushed face.

"Kicking me out of your kitchen already, Darling?" He teased with a feigned sigh.

Roxas grinned. "Absolutely." Axel received a quick peck on the lips before the blond pushed him gently away. "So scram, you. And hurry back."

That…would be easy. Axel gave in to that order, promising to be back _as soon as humanly possible_. And, true to his promise, he didn't take long at all in the shower. He didn't want to waste even five precious minutes of this weekend with Roxas. He raced through the shower and ducked back over to his room, snatching up his usual relaxation-wear. The only thing that slowed him down before he headed back out to the kitchen and Roxas was the sight of his desk – caught only briefly out of the corner of his eye, then drawing a slightly-confused second glance from him. Had he left all that paper in his waste basket? He thought he'd just emptied it…

Shrugging, he left the room, wondering aloud to Roxas as he emerged, "Did I forget my office trash when I took the garbage out yesterday?" When his eyes turned to rest fully on the young man, Axel paused again. The trash can evaporated from his mind, because this time he _really_ didn't know what Roxas was blushing about.

"N-no…that was me. Today. I'll explain a little later."

Axel studied his boyfriend skeptically for a moment, beginning to be really curious about what was up. However, Roxas didn't seem upset or unhappy, so the redhead let it slide with a shrug, deciding to wait if that's what Roxas wanted.

"All right, babe. If you say so." Strolling closer, he took the opportunity to casually slide an arm around the blond's shoulders, squeezing lightly. Roxas beamed up at him in response, then turned to pull him to the table.

"Dinner's ready. Sit down, I'll get it."

With an adoring grin that probably looked more than a little goofy, Axel allowed Roxas to serve him a simple but delicious chicken dinner. Not that Axel paid much attention to the food. Roxas was looking entirely too beautiful. They talked about the day, Axel's job, what Roxas had done – nothing significant – but the blond kept blushing just slightly at the oddest times. Axel couldn't tear his eyes away.

When they were finished, Roxas forbade him from helping clean up, in spite of Axel's insistence that it was only fair. Roxas wouldn't hear of it, however…but Axel wouldn't allow the assertive little blond to banish him from the kitchen either. They called a truce, and Axel sat and watched Roxas clean up, admiring the even brighter blushes and secretly sneaking more than a few glances at the lithe body as Roxas moved about the kitchen. Every feature…his hands twitched with the urge to _touch_ as his mind busily tormented him with fantasies about his boyfriend. It was almost unbearable.

Finally, as Roxas was finishing up at the sink, Axel gave up. He felt like he was going to lose control completely if he didn't do _something_. Rising quietly, he slipped up behind Roxas, his hands settling low on hips and pulling their bodies close. Roxas gasped slightly with surprise before relaxing against Axel's chest. That…that felt _good_. It helped a little.

With a soft, fond grin, Axel leaned down, purring low in Roxas' ear, "Thank you for dinner. It was delicious." Then he lowered his head further.

"You're wel-welcome…" Roxas' words hitched momentarily as Axel kissed the side of that smooth neck. That felt even _better_. Indulging his desires just a bit, Axel kept his lips there, kissing slowly down the boy's neck. He felt Roxas shiver and lean back a little more, his head relaxing back at an angle, leaving himself open to Axel's kisses. The redhead grinned, his heart rate jumping, and continued his caresses, slowly savoring the taste of warm, clean skin.

"Axel…" The sweet voice was a thrilled whisper as Axel reached the base of Roxas' throat and moved upward again. Glancing quickly, he could see Roxas' face turned even further toward him, rosy and…absolutely stunning. He was irresistible. And his lips parted readily as soon as Axel touched them.

Axel lost himself rapidly in the kiss, more than happy to forget everything but the warmth and the scent and taste of Roxas. He was nowhere near ready to stop when a wet touch to his cheek startled him.

His eyes opened as Roxas' did, and the boy looked startled too. "Ah! I'm sorry! I forgot…" The hand that left his face explained it – Roxas' hands were wet and still slightly soapy. The red-faced blond was grabbing a kitchen towel and rubbing it over Axel's cheek, and all Axel could do was bite back the urge to laugh aloud. He couldn't help chuckling though.

"S-sorry," Roxas mumbled again, but there was a slight twist of a smile on his face too, now. Axel ginned, pecking those moist lips briefly.

"What for? I like it when you get me…wet." He winked wickedly and was immensely happy to see Roxas' face go absolutely cherry red.

The boy slapped his arm lightly, mumbling , "Pervert."

Still grinning, Axel chuckled again, hugging the boy close and nuzzling his hair, enjoying the scent of shampoo. "Only for you. I'm all _your_ pervert. That is, if you want me." He was just noticing the smaller young man's stillness when he heard Roxas mumble softly against his shirt.

It sounded like, "I _do_ want you."

His stomach turned over, and Axel thought for a fleeting moment that it might be safer to pretend he hadn't heard anything. But that thought had vanished already as Axel ran a hand through blond hair and hummed questioningly. "Hmmm?"

Was Roxas shaking?

"I want you," the voice was stronger now, fingers clutching tightly in his shirt. "I want you so bad, so much…" Intense blue eyes finally looked up and met his, and Axel was a little startled by the sudden desperation in them. "Axel I…I have to tell you…but I don't know how…"

Unsure what the outburst was about, Axel frowned, slightly worried, as he tried to calm the boy. "Hey, hey…it's OK Roxas. Take it easy. OK?" The boy paused, breathing carefully as Axel rubbed a few fingers over the nape of his neck soothingly. "Now…what do you want to tell me? It's OK…take your time, I'm listening."

After another shaky breath, Roxas started over. "I'm sorry…I'm fine. I just…I've been thinking and thinking and I want to do this right but I just don't know _how_… And I want you to believe me, and know I'm not just saying this on…on the spur of the moment or anything. Because I've had these feelings for so _long_, but you were right to wait for me because I really _didn't_ understand, but I _do _now, I just don't know how to explain…"

The rambling wasn't making much sense to him, but Axel was beginning to suspect something at the mention of "feelings." And he really, _really_ wanted Roxas to calm down and tell him what was on his mind, now. Because…if it was _that_…

Touching a few fingers to Roxas' lips, he stilled the boy for a moment. Blue eyes glanced into his with uncertainty, but Axel had no intention of silencing Roxas. He just…wanted him to slow down. Replacing his fingertips with a soft touch of lips, he tried to caress the tension out of the smaller young man. And it took a minute, but Axel could feel it beginning to work as Roxas relaxed in his arms, dropping the towel on the floor, if Axel heard that soft plop correctly.

Finally, he pulled slowly back, but not far. Keeping his face close, his voice low and soft, and his eyes half-closed, Axel focused on Roxas. He hoped he could shut out everything else for the blond.

"Now…" he murmured, smiling tenderly, "what do you want to tell me?"

Roxas swallowed, gazing into Axel's eyes with less nervousness and more…yearning. "I don't know how to say it…I tried to write it down…to find the right words, but nothing was right…"

Axel smiled slightly. "Is that why my trash is full of paper?"

Cheeks reddened as Roxas glanced down. "Z-Zexion suggested writing a few things down…"

_Zexion? What does he know? Why did Roxas tell him stuff that he can't tell me? Who said he could get so cozy with Roxas? _Axel swallowed a brief flash of annoyance at his best friend's boyfriend, reminding himself that friends were good for Roxas. And Roxas was still talking, so there was no need to show any jealousy.

"He was trying to help…because I've been talking to him about stuff. He helped me understand that…that…" Troubled blue glanced up again, and Axel nodded, waiting. "See…I always thought that people with partners…with lovers…that what they had was just a much nicer version of what I was used to." Roxas breathed carefully, and Axel paid close attention, glad that the boy seemed to be getting his words out more easily now.

"I thought that being a lover meant you just got to have better sex, and with the same person all the time. And that people stayed together because they wanted that. But…but I understand now. It's not the same, and I know why you wanted to go slow, I _do_, I really understand now. Because…" Roxas inhaled. Axel felt as if every inch of his skin was trying to tingle right off his body. "Because when you're in love, you just…love that person more than anything. And everything about them is precious. And…and wanting them is only natural, because you love them and you want _all_ of them…" Roxas paused again, Axel's stomach tightening as he felt the room go a little unsteady. He couldn't look away from those eyes…

"And I understand because…I want you. But not the way I used to…I want you because everything about you makes me happy like I didn't know was possible, and I only want more of you…forever. I want all of you, and your whole life, because…I love you."

Axel blinked, stunned. He wanted to answer…but there was this lump in his throat…

Roxas was almost whispering now. "I love you so much…and that's why I want you. And I want to belong to you, too…but nothing like before. I understand, now…I want you and I want to be yours. Like…like sharing. And I hope…I mean…please, please understand…I really love you, Axel. I…" Roxas paused, stammering for any more words…and Axel couldn't hold back anymore. He'd answer with words in a minute. This moment, right now, the only answer he could manage was the most fiercely passionate kiss he had ever allowed himself to press to those beautiful lips.

The response was unhesitating and intense. If Axel had doubted or wondered at all if Roxas understood his own words, all those fears were blown away as the blond kissed him back. There was no fear in the touch this time, and not even a trace of the needy hunger Axel sometimes sensed – the insecure desire to please. Those things had been slowly fading this week, true…but now they were gone entirely. When Roxas kissed him back, Axel felt his desire, tempered with surprisingly strong confidence and…giving. Axel didn't think he'd ever felt a kiss quite like this.

Not that he was thinking of other kisses, or anything other than Roxas – Roxas warm and clutching him tightly, soft sounds and firm caresses, and words echoing in his memory. Words so perfectly confirmed in his kiss.

_He __**does **__love me._ Axel was almost reeling with amazement, even as he poured himself out, unable to stop kissing Roxas. _He really does…he wants me. Because he __**loves**__ me. He…I…oh God, I'm in love…_

When they finally parted – only barely, only the slightest separation of lips, only so they could draw deep, shuddering breaths – Axel found he _still_ couldn't tear his eyes from Roxas'…not that he really tried. Arms tightening, he stared into blue, only an inch away.

"I believe you," he whispered. Roxas sighed softly, relaxing. Axel's common sense tried to nag a little in the back of his mind – _We should still wait…it's just not a good time, it's still so soon, things are so unsettled right now…_

"Axel…Axel, I love you…I really love you…"

He smiled helplessly. "I love you too, Roxas."

Small fingers traced over his lips, melted blue eyes drinking him in. "You can't imagine how much I want you…"

"Mmm," Axel chuckled a little, "Probably can, actually." And when Roxas looked at him then – expression so full of hope and desire and happiness and longing – he knew he wasn't going to listen to common sense anymore.

Maybe it wasn't very adult of him. Maybe he wasn't being responsible. Maybe he should have been stronger.

But maybe Axel was going to die if he even tried to refuse Roxas now.

"Roxas…" he breathed softly, kissing just the tip of his lover's nose. "Let's make love."

Roxas shuddered in his arms, breath hitching.

"Oh God, yes. _Please._"

~o~


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note:**

I wanna go back to my short chapters, nngh. -_-; As always, sorry for the delays...and yeah. Happy Monday!

* * *

Roxas used to think he knew what kissing felt like. He used to think there was nothing new to it, not really.

Axel had been changing his mind about that since the very first kiss. And he had gone on surprising Roxas with almost every kiss since then. Even the kisses that weren't new or unfamiliar were still always so breathtaking, so wonderful, that Roxas could never feel like Axel's kisses were routine or ordinary. He'd almost gotten used to being utterly amazed by how _new_ everything felt with the redhead.

Until now.

Hadn't he felt hands on his body before? Some part of his mind told him that of course he had – of course there had been hands exploring his chest before, of course warm touches had run up and down his sides, of course strong grips had clutched his back before. But somehow, in this moment, he couldn't remember those touches. And Roxas was absolutely certain that none of them, ever, had felt anything like Axel's hands. Because…because his heart had never raced this fast at such innocent touches.

Innocent? Axel could poke him in the forehead and it wouldn't be innocent. It would be…intimate. Like every other touch, even the slightest brush of skin on skin. Every tiny contact made him feel desire from the core of his being, every murmur seemed to be reaching deep into his very soul, touching him in places he didn't know he _had_ before.

"I love you, Roxas…" His heart drank in the whisper. It was heavenly. And then Axel's touch slid down.

Roxas gasped. "Love you, too…Axel…" His breath fanned over the wet skin of Axel's neck, a brief interruption before he went back to kissing his boyfriend there, all the while trying to keep up with the things happening to his body. _What…what is this?_ He couldn't understand it. How many times had he felt hands on his ass, groping, grabbing, fondling, squeezing, slapping? He'd stopped counting years ago, when his backside had begun to feel about as special as…as his elbows or hands, for God's sake! He barely even noticed when people touched him there anymore!

Until now.

Until Axel's hands caressed him and touched him, soft and yet firm, while the man kissed his shoulder sweetly. It was the strangest combination. And somehow…it all felt _right_. Roxas hadn't even realized until now how greedy all the other hands had been, how filthy and cruel…he hadn't known he could be touched here in a way that seemed only concerned with _his_ pleasure. He just…hadn't known.

"Axel…" His voice wavered, and Roxas fought to keep it from breaking. "I love you…"

Adoring green eyes, hands that moved to his shirt again…the most breathless smile.

"Me too, Roxas. I'm so in love with you."

It was true, he realized as Axel gently pushed his shirt up. Roxas lifted his arms to let the clothing come off, marveling at how content he felt. How happy, how perfectly, intensely happy every moment was making him…and how different it felt when Axel took his shirt off.

Mostly, if he tried to think about it, Roxas would have memories of stripping himself…or his shirt just being left on…or some rough, cruel yank tearing the clothing free, maybe shredding it, maybe bruising him. He couldn't remember anything close to the way Axel undressed him. It wasn't even the same _act_, let alone a similar feeling! A feeling like…like with sweet acceptance, Axel had just taken away a barrier between them, leaving him more vulnerable to the eyes that sparkled with intense admiration. Vulnerability had never felt good, ever. It was dangerous, terrifying…or it had been.

But suddenly, the feeling of being uncovered by another person…was beautiful. And perfect. And absolutely, completely safe and secure. He even forgot his earlier worries – Roxas had been nervous all day, wondering if he'd gained weight recently, hoping he didn't look fat, wishing in a near panic that Axel wouldn't find him unattractive. A silly thought in the face the feverish desire in those green eyes. Roxas forgot those worries at once and just let himself shiver with the thrill of such total acceptance. How could Axel make him feel so happy, just by taking his shirt off?

He didn't really know. But he was sure of one thing – he was going to try this too. No way was he letting Axel take his own shirt off if there was a chance of making the man feel even a hint of the happiness Roxas was feeling.

He needed to reach Axel's shirt hem, though, and he didn't want it to look like he was pushing the man's hands away from his chest…not at _all_. Glancing uncertainly up at the redhead, Roxas had to clear his throat to get his voice out properly.

"Um…l-let me…" Green eyes watched him, questioning, until Roxas began to slip his hands upward under fabric, lifting Axel's shirt away. Then Roxas didn't look up again for a bit. His eyes followed the material up, revealing Axel's chest as it expanded with deep, heavy breaths. When the taller man raised his arms as well, Roxas glanced up again.

Axel was watching him through wide, awestruck eyes. And Roxas thought that maybe people used to look at him with devouring gazes before…but nothing like this. Not when all those eyes had been haunted with something vile and leering. Not when these eyes – the eyes he loved the most in the whole world – were so empty of anything wrong, and so full of love and adoration and fire. Fire for _him, _for _Roxas_…and not just his body. He could tell. He could feel that gaze going so much deeper than his skin.

It made his hands shake as he pulled the shirt free, dropping it beside them onto Axel's floor. For a moment, they stood parted, but still so, so close. Staring.

Roxas was the first to move. Axel's chest just looked so strong, so solid and warm…his hands were drawn irresistibly forward. What it must feel like to be held against a chest like that… He touched, leaning in close against the man…and suddenly broke into a smile as he watched goosebumps appear all over Axel's skin. Biting back a giggle, he turned to grin up at the man.

Axel looked sheepish and a little silly, blushing back at him. Still, the intensity lingered under the smile, and a moment later, Roxas was whispering, "Love you…" and leaning up to kiss his lover again.

He couldn't help but think how gorgeous Axel looked in the soft golden light. They'd moved to Axel's bedroom and the lights were out, but the summer evening was long and it was still light. Fading daylight filtered through the curtains, making everything hazy and golden and warm. And this, too, was different. Different from trashy mood lighting in the rooms at Marly's, and very different from the various other sordid places he'd been taken to when he was selling himself. Axel's room…felt like home. Only better than home, because Roxas hadn't had a home since he was little, could barely remember it. And Axel's arms and Axel's kiss felt that way too – like being at home, in a place even better than he had ever been before.

Mumbling against his lips drew his eyes up to Axel's again. "Sorry, um…" The redhead flushed. "I don't really know, um, the right way…"

Grinning at how adorable that sounded, Roxas murmured back, "There isn't a _right way_. It's not really that different with guys. I'll show you, just…do what feels good."

As Axel mumbled a hesitant, "Yeah…OK," Roxas decided to demonstrate. Trailing kisses down from Axel's throat, he moved over the exposed skin. His lips could feel the pounding of Axel's heart when he kissed over the left side of his chest. It matched his own thudding heart so well.

His fingers twisted and pinched lightly at two little dark spots before he moved to cover one nipple with his mouth. He heard Axel's surprised-sounding voice mumbling, "Um…woah…" and angled his head so that he could look up, meeting wide green eyes as he licked over the hardening peak. It gave him goosebumps to see Axel's face…he looked so sexy, so aroused, it made Roxas desperate to give his lover more pleasure. Almost automatically, his hands moved down, to the waistband of Axel's sweats.

Tugging lightly, he looked up again. "Can I?"

Axel swallowed and nodded, his hands tightening a moment on Roxas' hips.

Leaving Axel's boxers in place for the moment, Roxas slowly pulled the pants down, his hands gliding over Axel's legs the whole way. Axel stepped out of the pants and Roxas straightened his back, still kneeling. What had been noticeable before was now unmistakably obvious – Axel was erect. Roxas had never seen the man aroused like this before…and for _him_. It startled him how thrilling that realization was. He'd seen countless erections that were unmistakably for him, but he'd never felt so…_happy_ about it before. The fact that Axel wanted him this much… The evidence before Roxas' eyes suddenly felt like…a gift. Because, whatever sweet words the man had said, the insecurities still lingered – wondering if Axel wouldn't be able to enjoy being with a guy, especially a plain, scrawny guy like him. It was easy to believe that Axel meant it when he said Roxas was attractive…it was harder to believe that his body would agree.

Until now.

Relief and excitement flooded him. _He wants me. He really does. _

"Ahhh! Roxas…" Entranced, the blond listened to the startled moan of pleasure as his hands pressed Axel's arousal. He could feel his lover's shape through the single thin layer of fabric, touching and stroking as he rapidly lost his patience, aching to _see_. Hungry to _taste_.

Opening his mouth, he squeezed his lips gently around the hidden shape. He could hear restrained moans, could feel Axel throb against his lips, and he moaned with deep, pure _want._

Glancing up again, meeting green eyes that still watched him – always watched him, never looked away – Roxas slipped fingertips under the elastic of Axel's boxers, his eyes begging for permission. His voice felt stuck, and he swallowed heavily, watching Axel. The redhead looked…a little nervous actually. _How cute…_

"You…you don't have to do that, Roxas…"

He couldn't help smiling. He didn't think he'd ever heard _that_ before, either. "I want to," he whispered. "I really do. _Please._"

Axel looked awestruck as he nodded. Carefully, Roxas slipped the garment down.

_Oh…_ Roxas shuddered as the throbbing desire in his body intensified suddenly. _This is Axel's. He's…he's beautiful. Perfect. _ He'd never known there was such a thrill to learning every feature of another person's body – to seeing what no one else saw, touching and memorizing and…_tasting_…

_How many…_ But Roxas couldn't even concentrate on that thought long enough to wonder. Only Axel mattered now. Now and forever. And, for the first time, Roxas could come this close and _act_ on his love, giving pleasure as an expression of his greatest desire in the world – Axel's happiness.

And it felt so, so _good_ to make his lover so weak with desire that within a minute Roxas had to release Axel with a smile, guiding the man to sit down on the edge of the bed. Axel relented, and it gave Roxas yet another shiver of excitement when the redhead allowed him to kneel between his legs. The change of position gave him a chance, as well, to notice something he'd barely glanced at before – a roughly fist-sized inked design on Axel's hip. Axel had another tattoo. And in such a hidden place…Roxas would be almost the only person who knew it was there. He made a mental note to ask Axel about it later – the snaking line with number eights on either side made him deeply curious about the meaning – but for now, he wasn't going to be able to talk much. Just a few words…

"I love you," he murmured, smiling up at his lover before lowering his head again.

Axel's voice was broken as his breath hitched. "Lo-love you too…Roxas…" The blond purred happily, letting his eyes slip closed. It felt so good…and he didn't need to see in order to do this well. Not with all the practice he'd had for years.

Roxas knew that he was very, very good at this. His skill had made him a lot of money, and he'd been just a little proud of it once…until recently. Until he'd begun to wish he could erase the past and forget the experiences that had made him good. It was disgusting. Proof of how filthy he was.

Until now. Now, with Axel's muffled grunts and moans of pleasure in his ears, with Axel's legs tense, muscles hard with the urge to thrust that the man was barely restraining – now, he could forget where and how he'd learned this. It didn't matter. What mattered was that he could make Axel feel _good_. Seeing Axel enjoy it so much, his own body burned hungrily. It was exactly what he wanted.

And, in many ways, it was nothing like he expected. He was surprised that Axel was holding still. No one ever held back when they were enjoying it this much. But Axel's restraint was different – it was like his lover was letting him do what he wanted. _Trusting_ himself to Roxas. His chest felt tight at the realization, happiness building inside him until Roxas almost didn't know what to do about it.

Then, Axel touched him. Roxas had been waiting for it – for a clutching grasp on his ears, or fists gripping tightly in his hair. Men _always_ did that.

Axel didn't. Roxas almost choked with surprise at the gentle touch of fingers weaving slowly through his hair, caressing his scalp in easy, small circles. The touch was so relaxed, so tender, that Roxas would have thought Axel was completely calm…if it weren't for the tensed, rock-hard thighs so close to his face, almost shaking with the strain of maintaining control. He could see for himself how close Axel was, and it made the soft, loving touch even more unbearably sweet as those fingers slipped down to smooth over his face. He looked up, pausing to meet Axel's eyes, and suddenly Roxas felt like _he_ might be the one to lose control instead. The way Axel looked at him, the way Axel touched him…he felt…_worshipped_. Beautiful and cherished and…and it was so strange and incredible, feeling something like that when he was doing _this_.

Axel's fingers tipped his chin up carefully, making Roxas release him for the moment and just lose himself in bright green eyes. "Roxas…can you…come up here now? I need…to touch you."

_But he hasn't finished yet…_ "Don't you want to come first?"

Axel smiled fondly even through the slight strain in his face and voice. "Well, yes…but not without you." As the blond eyebrows drew together slightly in confusion, Axel's hand shifted, his smile growing broader and warmer a moment as his thumb caressed lightly over Roxas' wet bottom lip. "I want to make you feel good, too, you know." Roxas shivered, trying to grasp that kind of generosity. In his experience, it was unheard of.

All of a sudden, Roxas found he wanted nothing more than to kiss Axel again. A lot.

Pushing himself back to his feet, he reached for his lover, hands pulling Axel's face close and kissing him deeply. He felt Axel's tongue slide along his own and Axel's hands smoothing up his back, pulling him closer until their bare torsos were pressed together. Axel's heart was pounding hard and fast – Roxas could feel it thudding almost against his own. It made him dizzy, happy…

Hands were slipping under the waistband of his jeans, Roxas welcoming the touch with a moan against Axel's mouth.

"Roxas…" Axel's husky voice whispered into the kiss…and his hands came around to the front, fumbling with the button and zipper. When they came free, the relief from what had been building into a crushing, painful pressure was so melting that the blond had to support himself with arms around Axel's shoulders.

When Axel had removed his shirt for him, the novel new pleasure had surprised him. When Axel's warm hands glided, unobstructed, down the sides of his hips, thighs, and legs, pushing his last clothing off as he went…Roxas was surprised all over again. Being undressed completely was even more exciting…and how could it be possible to feel so aroused, so on _fire_ just from the simple fact that they were both naked now? How could Axel look at him with even more love and admiration than he already had? And how long could Roxas stand the feeling of those green eyes devouring him, more tangible than a physical touch?

And why, why did this feel so completely _natural_ and _right_ for the first time in his life?

For years it had been a habit – almost a reflex – for him to do something flirtatious, exhibitionistic, or just plain slutty as soon as he was naked and being looked at. It was like armor to offset that little twinge of fear and insecurity, because no matter how many times or how used to it he got, being completely exposed to a stranger brought his defenses up. And, rather than push the client away, Roxas had developed ways to wear his promiscuity like a shield around his heart at those time. Touching himself, saying something dirty, inviting – they were Roxie things to hide _Roxas_ behind, when all his clothes were taken away. He did those things without thinking. Had for years.

He was in Axel's arms again, kissing and being kissed, the man's hands adoring his flushed, bare skin, before Roxas realized why something was feeling unusual again. He hadn't tried to hide, not even behind a flirtatious little line. He hadn't tried…because he hadn't felt the need. There was nothing but safety and ecstasy in being revealed to Axel…and he couldn't pull back from it, behind a shield. He didn't _want_ to.

He didn't need to be Roxie anymore.

Now, he was just himself – just Roxas, drowning in pleasure with Axel…just Axel. He'd moved forward until he straddled Axel's lap…until their arousals touched. It felt so beautiful, so _intimate_, having their bodies in contact like this while they thoroughly ravished each other's mouths. Instinct was soon driving him closer, making both of them press into the heat and friction hungrily. But instinct wasn't making them pull back again and again just to stare into each other's eyes. It wasn't why Axel whispered breathily right in Roxas' ear, "You're so beautiful…" It wasn't why Roxas sought Axel's hand and knitted their fingers together.

"Axel…I love you so much…"

Glistening skin rippled slightly over the redhead's arms as the muscles tensed, Axel lifting Roxas slightly and turning, not quite throwing him onto his back – Roxas could feel the slight tremor as Axel forced himself to be gentler than that. Not that Roxas would have minded in the least. But he loved the heart that wanted to treat him preciously, and he smilingly lay back, watching as his lover shifted over him.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to see you like this," Axel grinned down at him. Roxas felt himself flush as he smiled back, eyes admiring the lean body above him.

"Probably almost as long as I've wanted to see _you_…like this." Axel's chest was firm under his fingers as he let his touch follow the wandering path of his eyes.

"Oh no you don't," Axel teased, leaning down and kissing him briefly, tongue just slipping past his lips before withdrawing again. "I wanted you _first_."

Lips warm and open and sucking on his neck made him arch, even as Roxas tried to banter back, "Oh no way. I _definitely_ wanted you before the thought had even…ahhh! Even…entered your mind…nnnnh…" The warm pressure of Axel's kisses was moving downward, working over his chest in a torturously slow path toward Roxas' nipples.

"Oh, really?" Axel's breath was warm against his skin before he dipped his head to lick over one sensitive peak. Roxas bit his lip to keep his embarrassingly loud groan muffled. Frequent use had trained those spots into intense pleasure points on his body. Just…most people didn't lick, kiss, suck, and nibble them so _gently_. "Mmm," the man hummed, teeth teasing at one before moving to the other, "I find that hard to believe. I wanted you almost right away, after all…"

Roxas couldn't come back at that immediately – not until Axel began to move his kisses lower again, and the blond's mind cleared just enough for him to gasp out a strangled reply, most of his attention more consumed by soft, mouthing kisses that inched down his sweaty stomach. "Well…" He swallowed when Axel nipped slightly at his navel, "whe-when did you…first want me?"

With a grin Roxas could _feel_ against his skin, the redhead moved low…lower…and then, _just_ before getting _that_ low, he turned to the side, to the blond's torture. Lips pressed down on his hip as Axel hummed thoughtfully, then traced his hip bone with butterfly kisses…and then moved down again, avoiding Roxas' obvious excitement for the moment. "Hard to say for sure…" Roxas shivered, his stomach flipping over as his lover moved to the inside of his thigh. He pushed himself up on his elbows to watch as the man sucked hard on the vulnerable flesh there, until Roxas was nearly trembling enough to make his arms give up and drop him back again. Axel grinned, meeting his eyes as his tongue darted under the crook of Roxas' knees. _What the…?_ Roxas blinked, almost breathless. _Who kisses anyone there?_

But Axel was still moving lower, hands massaging his calves as the man spoke, "Remember when I came to see you at work to ask for interviews? Well, I already wanted you so badly at that point that you nearly made me lose my mind just sitting there."

Mind digging a moment for the memory, Roxas couldn't help voicing his surprise. "_Then?_ But it was like…the third time you'd ever seen me! I think…or maybe…" His thoughts and voice failed him as a sudden involuntary gasp cut him off, blue eyes bugging in stunned arousal at Axel. The man had just _licked_ the bottom of his foot – tongue hot and slow over the inner arch – and now he was sucking on Roxas' _toes_, little licks darting into the gaps between them. "Oh…oh God…_ohhhhh…!_" Roxas was clawing at the sheets but barely aware of that, his mind almost blank.

"Roxas?" Axel paused, hesitating in his actions to make sure that the sudden writhing was a _good _thing. "Roxas…is it OK?"

Swallowing in an attempt to get his voice back, Roxas shuddered. "Y-yes…nnngh…it's good. It's _good, _Axel. It's just…" He looked into green eyes that watched him, concerned but hazy with desire, and the wonder of being able to say what he was about to tell Axel was…almost too much. Almost enough to make him choke up through his smile.

"It's just…no one's ever touched me there before…like that…" It was true. Plenty of men had wanted him to lick their feet – one recent person in particular had liked it a _lot_, though probably for more twisted reasons – but no one Roxas had ever serviced had chosen to pay this kind of attention to _him_. And he'd had no idea… "I didn't know it…would feel…s-so good."

Roxas could see by the flash of happiness in Axel's eyes – just like the bliss in his own, he was sure – that this little detail meant as much to his lover as it did to him. Beaming, Axel took a deep breath before answering.

"Well…well then. Allow me to thoroughly ravish your delicious, virgin feet," the redhead teased. Roxas giggled. He couldn't help it. The touch, the words, Axel's tone – it all sent the most electrifying thrill through him.

And, even though Axel's voice had been teasing, the man proceeded to do exactly as he had said, kissing and nipping and licking until the blond began to be afraid that he was going to lose control and come if Axel didn't stop soon. He had already given up trying to keep from touching himself – it was impossible.

"Nnnh! Ah…Axel…n-no more, please…uunnh oh my…_please_, um…!" Hand jerking unsteadily, Roxas twisted minutely in spite of all his efforts to hold still. He'd been trying to keep his eyes on Axel, too, but they had closed automatically as pleasure made him incoherent, his head tossing back and forth fitfully. It came as a surprise when his foot was let down, a shift in the weight on the bed his only warning just before a hand covered his, holding him still. Roxas' eyes popped open in time to see Axel place a kiss against the backs of his fingers…then look up into his eyes as he slowly pried the blond's hand away. Warm breath surrounded his arousal, and Roxas shivered at the pause and at the glint of intent in green eyes, in the curl of a half-smile.

Axel licked his lips. Roxas stared at them like a man paralyzed. Hesitant, the redhead smiled. "Um…I've never done this before so…don't be disappointed if I'm bad, OK?" Roxas just swallowed and nodded. He watched Axel take hold of him…and it was almost too much. Axel had never touched him like this before. Roxas had been so worried that, as much as Axel might like the rest of his body, the formerly straight man would be turned off when it came to this. He'd wondered if Axel would avoid touching him there…and he'd thought it would be OK, even if he did. He would have still loved Axel, even if the man needed to avoid that part for a while.

But Axel had just touched him. His hand was stroking Roxas' erection slowly, and the touch was careful…but not hesitant. Not uncertain. Roxas shivered.

Slowly, slowly, almost agonizingly, Axel licked the underside from base to tip.

Roxas was bent backwards, straining, gasping, when his lover's voice reached his ears again, deceptively casual. "By the way, _who_ wanted _whom_ first?" A slow trail of kisses down; another long lick back up.

"OK…y-you win…" He was forcing words out through a keening sound of need. "You were first."

Axel's grin was audible. "Out of curiosity, when did you start wanting me?" The kisses were more open now, lips parted to permit little touches of a warm tongue to hot flesh.

"Um…um…" Bringing his mind to focus on the conversation was hard. "I think…probably…right after. That…that night I mean. I started wa-wanting you then."

Lips sealed over his tip in a long kiss as Axel chuckled. Now Roxas was really worried. At this rate, he was definitely going to come far too soon. And Axel wanted them to do that together. He needed…he needed something to focus on.

_Talking…keep talking…_

"But…but I fell in love with you first!"

"Oh?" He could hear the smile, the purr…and just a little note of intensity in the man's interest. He looked up to make sure…just in time to watch the tip of that tongue flick over his slit. "Mmm, I don't know about that. I think I win on falling in love first, too." Then, Axel parted his lips and…eased Roxas into his mouth. The blond moaned, losing the conversation a moment. Warm, wet heat and pressure covered him and filled his mind…

"That's…you…I doubt…um…_ohhh oh oh_…" Without even realizing it, he was burying his hands in red spikes, biting his lip hard as he tried to focus. "You were…um…s-so when…when did _you_…um, f-fall…?"

Drawing back, Axel finished for him, "When did I fall in love with you?" His voice was huskier than before, need and desire crawling out with the words and reaching for Roxas, possessing him.

"Uh huh." Green fire…Roxas couldn't look away.

Another lick. "Well…I was starting to _really _fall for you when we were meeting up for those interviews, I guess. And then…um, well, when…when you stayed here for the first time, that's when I was sure. But really," Axel smiled a tiny bit as he looked straight into awestruck blue, "I think you had my attention in a big way right from the moment we met. Even then, it was something different…if it hadn't been, I could have ignored it. But I couldn't do that." With a grin, the man let his tongue trace Roxas' outline. "What about you?"

Answering _that_ turned out to be a mess, because Axel took Roxas in his mouth again as soon as he was done talking. Of course, it was obvious that it was Axel's first time, but it was more than enough for Roxas. Axel moved steadily, kept the pressure constant, and worked his tongue in simple, slightly-awkward patterns…and Roxas would not have wanted to change even one little thing. It was _Axel_. He was just trying to hold on, not lose it in his perfect lover's mouth.

Then, aside from that distraction, Roxas wasn't even sure how to answer. When _had _he fallen in love with Axel? It probably depended on which version of love was the one that _counted_, Roxas realized. He'd been falling for Axel in his own way since…well, since the time Axel had mentioned. But he hadn't known what love was supposed to be like, then. If anything, he had only felt absolutely certain of it two days ago. But he was _sure_ he'd been in love for a while now…

"Ahh…um…" Fighting incoherency, Roxas tried a possible answer. "O-OK…you win again. But not by much!" This time, as Axel smiled up at him, the redhead didn't release him when he chuckled. "_Ohhhhh_, unnhhh…._Axel!_" Desperate, on the edge, Roxas tugged at red hair. "A-Axel…please…oh my God, oh please, I'm gonna come, you…you have to stop or I'll…_nnnh!_"

Fortunately, Axel listened and let go, moving to crawl up his body and kiss Roxas' cheek sweetly. "I can't wait anymore either," he whispered, the words expressing the blond's need perfectly. "Roxas…I want to enter you. Will you…let me make love to you?"

Breathless, at a loss for words, Roxas just stared into serious but tender green eyes. His voice, when he was able to reply, would only come out in a whisper. "Yes."

Axel smiled, and Roxas felt those large hands sliding down his sides again. They stopped, however, pausing on his hips. "Um," thumbs traced slightly uncertain circles over his hipbones, "I don't really know what to do…"

The blond blew out a sudden breath, laughing slightly. Could a person so tall and adult qualify as "cute"? _Doesn't matter…he's the cutest thing in the world. _ Beaming, Roxas lifted himself and leaned forward, reaching for Axel and just…hugging him. The chuckles still vibrated through him as he wrapped sweaty arms around sweaty shoulders and just _squeezed_ his boyfriend for a moment.

"It's OK." He smiled as he pulled back, pressing his forehead against Axel's. "I'll show you how." Then, Roxas felt himself start to blush. "I, um…found your lotion in the bathroom and put it on the table there…" He watched green eyes glance up to the little nightstand, slightly surprised-looking. "And…um, in the drawer…" Roxas added shyly as Axel reached for the lotion.

The slight scrape of wood told him when Axel opened the drawer, and, when the redhead came back, his gaze was distinctly bemused. "You really plan ahead, huh?" He rattled the half-empty box of condoms he'd found in the nightstand…which Roxas had found in the bathroom, buried in the back of a drawer under the sink.

Blushing even harder, Roxas tried to explain. "I didn't really know…I was just hoping…"

Axel cut off his stammering with a kiss, and Roxas happily forgot what he'd been saying. "It's OK," the man murmured against his lips. "And anyway, what do I need these for? My ex made me get them because she didn't trust the pill…but it's different with _you_."

The words made him feel happy…so, so happy. But, as Axel was about to toss the box off the bed, the blond still had to reach out quickly to stop him. Happy or not, there were some things…

"No…Axel, I…you have to wear one. I'm sorry…" His voice was threatening him, making him feel choked. He didn't want to have to say this. He wanted to be free of this with his lover…but…

"What's wrong?" Axel looked concerned. "What is it?"

Breathing deep, Roxas couldn't meet those eyes. "For your own safety. I…I haven't been tested since before I left my job…and _he_…well, he didn't have anything visible, but that doesn't matter. I might not be clean, so…s-so you need to wear one. For now." _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm…too dirty for you…_

But Axel didn't leave Roxas time to be tormented by his own thoughts. A warm hand on his cheek pulled the blond's gaze back to his lover. Axel must have been able to see the pain in his eyes, because his voice was deep and tender. "OK, babe. I will. It's not that big a deal. What matters is getting to be with you." Roxas closed his eyes as the man pressed a slow kiss to his forehead. "I just want us to be connected."

"Axel…yes…me too." He leaned up, fixed on Axel's eyes, and pressed a grateful kiss to the man's lips. "Yes. I love you. I really, really do."

"I know, babe," Axel smiled back at him. Roxas felt fire race over his skin as the man lowered his body, pressing them close from head to toe, moving against each other for one moment – one slow, full-body caress. Then he held still, lips pressing Roxas' temple, and the whisper fell right into the blond's ear.

"Show me what to do."

Trying to pull himself together, Roxas breathed, "Mmm. OK." His hand groped a moment for the lotion, finding it nearby where Axel had left it. His lover drew back slightly to see what Roxas was doing as he popped the lid open, dumping a generous amount onto his hand. Then, he set the bottle aside…and, meeting hungry green eyes again, Roxas took Axel's hand in his.

Lotion smeared over both of them as Roxas felt the large hand, slickly moving with his own. Knuckles, fingers, palm, wrist, stubby fingernails – all covered with lotion as they stared at each other, a matching hint of surprise in both green and blue eyes. Roxas hadn't really _meant_ to make this so erotic…he hadn't even been thinking that. The little hand massage seemed to take them both a bit off-guard. Finally, Roxas laced their fingers together for a moment…before moving the joined hands downward, between their bodies.

He only intended to show Axel what he was doing. _Maybe_ give the man the option of tentatively participating. Considering Axel's lack of experience with this, Roxas had almost counted on having to loosen himself up.

Axel's fingers followed his, and Roxas couldn't entirely bite back the moan when he felt the man touch him. His own fingers slipped in and began to work. He felt Axel watching him, felt Axel's hand still touching the sensitive entrance, feeling the place where Roxas' fingers moved in and out. Then, to Roxas' surprise, he felt another finger, not his own, joining his hand.

Breathing heavily and moving together with Roxas, Axel spoke. "Let me…" Roxas arched as the man began to take over, moaning and allowing Axel to explore his body deeper, leaving the preparation to his lover. It wouldn't take much skill, anyway. Roxas was good at relaxing, and his body was used to this, even if it _had_ been a little while. He knew from his shower that he was tighter than usual, but it still wasn't anything that would take long to prepare. Just a little stretching…

But God, _God_, having Axel inside him in any way, shape, or form was unbelievable. _Again_, Roxas was desperately struggling to control himself, trying not to come too soon. If Axel wanted to wait until they were together, then that's what Roxas wanted too. But it was _so_ hard, when every little thing drove him crazier than he'd ever believed possible. It was a damn good thing Roxas could hold on a long time, if he really had to. A little less strength, a little less willpower, and he'd have come at least once already. Maybe twice. Fortunately, he hadn't yet, but…at this rate, he wasn't sure how much longer he could last.

"A-Axel, _nngh_, stop…let me show you something."

Their eyes met, and Axel's hand stopped moving as he nodded. He was breathing so heavily, and it seemed like he tried to speak first, but gave up. That beautiful face was burning with desire, and Roxas knew for a fact that he had never seen such _need_ directed at him in his life.

But he had to compose himself. Just for a little bit… "Pull…pull your hand out, almost all the way." When he felt only the tips of Axel's fingers still inside him, Roxas continued. "Turn your hand palm upward…OK, now curl your fingers a little and go in slowly…_nn-ahh!_ Slower!" He struggled to breathe steadily as Axel obeyed. "A little further…more…stop! N-Now…right there…press, but not too hard…" His vision went white as Roxas writhed, his directions cut off as he cried out. He felt himself leaking suddenly, his control slipping, and he was about to tell Axel to stop and pull out when the man did so anyway.

"Are you OK, Roxas? Did…did that hurt?" The lightning fading, Roxas managed to open his eyes, meeting a concerned gaze. _Ah…he probably couldn't tell…so cute…_

"Yes…y-yes, I'm fine. It didn't hurt, it felt good. _Good_, Axel." Fingers laced with his reaching hand, confirming the reassuring words with a touch. "It's good…that place. It's the pros-prostate. I just wanted to show you where it was. No! But…no more right now," Roxas had to hurriedly stop his lover from slipping his fingers in again. "I can't hold out if you do that again."

A raw, husky voice he barely recognized murmured, "That's OK…I…you can come. I don't mind at _all_."

"No," Roxas smiled, weakly pulling Axel up, holding him closer. "You wanted to wait until we can come together, so that's what I want too. And Axel…" He was so close…moving slowly, Roxas joined their lips again, heart racing with desire. "It's time."

Then, Roxas had to break into a grin as Axel groaned heavily against his lips, his voice full of unrestrained _want_. "Yes…_please_ yes…Roxas…"

Hoping his hands weren't shaking too much, the blond pushed gently, sitting up and guiding Axel until they faced each other. Fumbling with the box of condoms, he grabbed one and ripped it open. Axel was watching, looking a little stunned and happy. Roxas had a sneaking suspicion from his reaction that Axel's girlfriends might not have done this for him too often – and if so, there was _no way_ he would let Axel do this himself. Given a chance to thoroughly outdo Axel's former girlfriends? Yeah. Roxas could be a little competitive, and he wanted to establish this, starting right now – he would be the best Axel had _ever_ had.

Accordingly, Roxas slipped the tip of the condom between his lips and glanced up at the man who was now gaping in awe at him. Suddenly, he felt unexpectedly embarrassed. His face went bright red, he was sure, and he couldn't begin to stifle his giggles. He felt awkward, shy, and silly all of a sudden, but…in a good way. In a way that made him even more determined to do this. Because Axel's expression – so crazy with desire for him – well, it was very motivating.

Working his lips and teeth and tongue carefully but vigorously, Roxas didn't even begin to think about how he'd learned to do this so well. So maybe he'd had a lot of practice – it was a frequent demand with clients – but now, with Axel so agonizingly hard in his hands and mouth…Roxas couldn't remember anyone else. Hadn't heard any other deep, male voices moaning in unrestrained pleasure. There was only Axel.

It was difficult now, as Roxas slipped off and grabbed the lotion again, quickly applying some over the condom. It was hard to stay calm enough – his hands were shaking badly by now, and Roxas couldn't steady his breathing at all. Because, now – _now, finally_…

Kissing Axel's chest once, briefly, Roxas turned away. Kneeling, he lowered himself in front of Axel, ready.

The touch Roxas felt next surprised him – it wasn't what he'd expected. Axel was suddenly there, pressed close to his back, one arm holding him around the chest as the man whispered in his ear.

"No," Axel breathed, kissing the shell softly. "We can do this next time. This time…I want to see your face."

Then, strong arms were turning him, rolling his body over until he landed on his back. Stunned, Roxas blinked up at Axel. The man just smiled at him, soothing his spike of nervousness with reassurance. It wasn't that Roxas had _never_ done it this way…but it was rare, and unfamiliar, and he wasn't sure because this was their first time…

But seeing Axel's face, meeting his lover's eyes, and knowing he wouldn't have to look away – Roxas felt so happy, so completely thrilled and _happy_. _Yes…this is perfect_. He lifted his legs, repositioning them on either side of his lover. His right hand clasped Axel's left, fingers lacing again as the man leaned forward, his free hand slipping underneath Roxas, resting on his lower back and lifting slightly. Lips found his, the tender kiss almost burning him alive with need. Then, eyes holding his own, Axel was murmuring to him – "I love you."

And, in one long, slow push, they came together.

Nothing in Roxas' life could compare to the feeling of being connected to Axel. Exposing his heart and opening his body had always been mutually exclusive actions. He couldn't begin to comprehend the soul-shaking impact of combining the two. He couldn't grasp the feelings he was experiencing, right now, with his body joined to Axel's.

So he stopped trying. He abandoned thought, he let go of his voice, and he clung to Axel and just _felt_. Felt the heat, the stretching with slight twinges of pain that only excited him more, felt the throbbing in both their bodies. Then he felt Axel move, felt agonizing pleasure scream through him with every thrust, felt his throat stretching with cries of ecstasy, felt Axel's voice vibrate with the same.

And through all the other sensations, Roxas felt _loved_. It was resonating in his veins, pouring from passionate green eyes right into his oh-so-thirsty soul, filling the air around them, wrapping them up together until Roxas thought he might die, suffocated by so much love.

Faster and faster, harder and deeper – Roxas was screaming for it and Axel was giving it, arms wrapped tightly around each other now, lips locking briefly again and again, whenever the air could be spared. It was too much, too intense, Roxas was losing it fast…

"_Nngh! Ahhh…sh-shit, _not yet! Uhhhn, _Roxas!_" The blond felt one of Axel's arms release him, and a moment later a hand took hold of him, stroking fast.

Roxas tensed, his hands stiffening to claw for purchase against skin that slipped and yielded. "Axel! Axel, _Axel, ohhhh…_I c-can't…!"

"Together…Roxas…" He understood, but he couldn't stop it anymore… Fortunately, neither could Axel.

Release wracked both their bodies, tension throbbing, pulsing out of control…except for one thing. One sliver of control they both held onto relentlessly.

Neither one would look away from his lover's face.

Through every spasm, until the inferno faded to a simmer, Roxas kept his eyes on Axel, felt Axel's climax even as he felt his own, and that was another thing he'd never experienced before. Another expression of their new unity.

The violent ecstasy faded, leaving Roxas and Axel to hold one another, gasping for breath. Roxas' body felt warm, melted, and utterly limp…and tingly all over. Especially when Axel lifted his head to kiss him with slow sensuality, while a beautiful feeling of contentment and joy hummed through Roxas. Then they parted, Roxas' breath hitching as Axel withdrew from him. He was a little reluctant for the contact to end…but it seemed that Axel agreed, because he removed and disposed of the condom quickly, hurrying to slide down next to Roxas and hold him close again. And Roxas…was delighted to return the embrace.

When he thought he could speak, Roxas ventured weakly, through an adoring smile fixed on Axel's eyes, "That…I've never done _that_ before in my _life_." And it was absolutely true. Making love with Axel was completely different from everything he had ever known.

He watched his lover swallow, staring at him like he might disappear if Axel took his eyes away for even a moment. In low, slightly-hoarse murmur, Axel answered, "Me neither." And green eyes were full of tenderness and intensity, and Axel's kiss was passionate and sweet, and Roxas knew with all his heart that he wanted this man for the rest of his life. He would never lose him – they belonged to each other completely, now. They were one.

Axel kept on holding him, his hands beginning to slide over Roxas' body, gently caressing. He didn't really speak, for the moment, just stared and touched, and the blond felt…_adored_. It was wonderful how intimate such simple caresses could be…so wonderful that Roxas had to do the same, hands reaching for Axel to adore him in return.

As the touches continued, Axel stretched one arm far out to reach for his tissues, seamlessly going from aimless fondling to slowly and lovingly cleaning Roxas' stomach and groin. Roxas had to swallow at that, his own hand slipping down toward Axel's hip. He was going to lose track of all the things he was experiencing for the first time with Axel. Maybe tomorrow he'd make a list or something…so he wouldn't forget.

Fingers tracing idly over the inked design on Axel's hip, Roxas finally spoke again, voice soft and inquiring. "I didn't know about this one. What does it mean?"

Finishing with the tissues and returning to simple caresses, Axel's eyebrows lifted a moment. "The tattoo?" The blond nodded as his lover lay back down and pulled him close. "Nothing much. August eighth is my birthday, and the curved line is the symbol for Leos." He pecked a quick kiss to Roxas' nose.

The blond blinked. _That's it?_ "Oh…why'd you get it on your hip?"

Axel lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "I dunno…it was that or my shoulder blade, and I was a teenager at the time. Didn't want my parents to find out, so I went for the less visible spot. It was my first tattoo, before these." A finger lifted to indicate his face. "I got braver after that, and then I got these." Roxas' fingers continued to trace over Axel's hip, kneading softly. A smile crept into the green eyes, watching him. "You like it?"

He felt his face stretching into a broad grin. "I like it." Then, just as suddenly, his smile faded as Roxas leaned closer, pressing his lips to Axel's. "I love you so, so much, Axel."

"Me too, Roxas," the redhead breathed.

They were silent for a moment, just relaxing. Roxas felt completely dissolved by exhaustion and the still-tingling glow of happiness. He remembered the first night he'd slept next to Axel and woken up together in the morning…and already, Roxas could tell that this was going to be so much better. It felt so good…just the two of them, nothing between them but love…

"We're done taking turns sleeping on the couch now, right?" He shot his lover a narrow-eyed glance.

Axel blinked a moment before breaking into deep chuckles.

"Completely."

~o~

Pale dawn was filtering through the curtains, the early summer morning already warm, but still far from the heat the day would bring. It was 6:30, and Axel was trying to finish dressing as quietly as possible. Thank God for his internal alarm clock. Waking at six, he'd just stared hazily at his beautiful, sleeping lover for about ten minutes before he remembered his morning appointment. Stifling a groan, he'd gotten up then, careful not to disturb Roxas, and showered quickly. Nothing in him wanted to leave right now – it physically _hurt_ to leave Roxas' side this morning. If it had been anything else, he'd have ditched it. But this…this was _for_ Roxas, and he didn't think standing Marluxia up would be the way to soften the guy, get him to talk. He had to go.

But he'd be back as soon as physically possible.

The man pulled his shirt over his head and winced, his back stinging. Roxas had given him a few impressive scratches the night before – the memory made him grin like an idiot. As he pulled his jeans on, Axel momentarily lost his balance, stumbling and bumping the dresser. Freezing, he glanced over to the bed. He'd really hoped he could get out and back before Roxas even woke up…but now, the blond was grunting and stirring in the bed. It looked like he'd go back to sleep though…until his arms met empty air beside him.

Turning his head slightly, his voice croaky with sleep, Roxas mumbled, "Axel?"

The redhead was already bending over his lover, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out to smooth a hand through thoroughly messed-up blond hair. "Shhh, I'm right here babe." _God, he looks…wow._ Roxas looked beyond disheveled, and the sight, while not exactly beautiful in an objective sense, was incredibly cute to Axel. His mind was already replaying everything they'd done to make Roxas such a mess. It was…impossibly sexy.

But he had to focus. Had to make himself wait. Whispering, he tried to keep from waking Roxas much more. "Listen babe…I have this early appointment I almost forgot about, and I really can't skip it. But it'll be short, OK?" Roxas whimpered slightly in protest, and Axel had to rally his willpower again. "Shhh, hey. I'll be right back, I promise. You just go back to sleep, and I'll be here when you wake up. And we can wake up together again." He leaned down to press a soft kiss to those perfect lips. "And then I'm not letting you out of my sight for the rest of the weekend, got it?" Grinning as Roxas smiled sleepily at him, he added in a husky murmur, "Maybe I won't even let you leave the bed."

Eyes still mostly-closed with sleep, Roxas grinned up at him, "OK. Sounds good." Another kiss, a little slower and deeper, and then Roxas was yawning as Axel pulled back. "I love you…"

"Love you too, babe," he whispered, lifting Roxas' hand and kissing the backs of his fingers. "See you soon."

With that, Axel had to wrench himself from the side of his bed, force his steps to remain steady as he left the bedroom, grabbing shoes and keys and heading down to his car. A fifteen minute drive into the city made his fingers twitch with impatience. If he'd known this was going to happen, he would really have backed off on the urgency and asked for a meeting early next week. Yeah, time was passing, and he was more and more anxious to find some way of securing Roxas' safety so that the poor guy could go out in public once in a while…but a little longer wouldn't have killed them. Roxas seemed more or less content to hide out, even if it was somewhat boring. A little more delay would have been a small price to pay if he could have stayed in bed this morning.

But he hadn't known…and now he just had to deal with how things had worked out, and hope like hell that Marluxia would be able to help him _quickly_. He wanted to get back. Wanted to slip down beside Roxas again, wrap his arms around that beautiful, warm, relaxed body, kiss him tenderly…wake up together slowly. Then maybe take a shower together…he wouldn't mind two in one morning if he got to do that with Roxas. Then they should really eat…but, imagining showering with Roxas, Axel wasn't sure he'd be able to think about food right after that. Maybe they could return to the bed first…a quick but intense and passionate embrace before breakfast…

_Shit…that sounds really nice…_ Then Axel's mind pulled him up quick. _How many condoms are left in that box?_ It had sounded about half full, but he didn't remember, it had been so long since he'd used them… And Axel was fairly certain that he was _not_ going to want to run out and buy more if they ran out midway through the weekend. _Shit…_ He'd just have to stop off at a drug store on the way back. A _very_ quick stop. Maybe get some proper lube while he was there, since he kind of needed his lotion for things like dry skin, and it probably didn't work quite as well anyway.

He loathed the idea of another stop, another delay…but it would be quick. _Very_ quick.

Sighting the gaudy building that was Marluxia's establishment, Axel pulled up, parking on the street. The sign on the door read "Closed," but the door was unlocked. Axel entered, barely earning a glance from the janitor.

"Excuse me, I'm supposed to meet Marluxia…" A grunt cut him off, followed by a bellow.

"Boss! That guy's here!"

From the back, Axel heard the man call, "I'll be out, one second!"

Thanking the janitor briefly, Axel waited by the bar. As promised, the pink-haired man soon appeared, clear of makeup and flowered dress, clothed in ordinary – if a little skin-tight – jeans and a T-shirt. Nodding at Axel, the man began to quickly check over things behind the bar, apparently giving everything a routine final look before he left for the day.

"Thanks for agreeing to talk to me…" Axel began.

Still bustling about, Marluxia nodded. "Yeah. Well, Roxie was one of my best kids…but he was more than that. He was a really special boy. I was sorry to lose him so soon, the little sunbeam. And I promised him if there was anything I could do, he could always come to me. Offer's good for you too, I guess, if you're trying to help him."

Nodding, Axel affirmed, "I am. He didn't do anything wrong, but he's in trouble. I'm doing everything I can to help him."

A sharp look focused on him a moment as the man finished his checks. "You said it was urgent. How urgent?"

"Well, the situation is bad. He's basically in hiding right now." Then, Axel had to confess, "For now, he's safe…but if the guy after him ever finds him…"

The man rounded the bar and came to stand near him, nodding as he listened. "Sooner the better then, huh?" Axel nodded agreement. "Well, I hope I can tell you something useful. For Roxie's sake." A heavy hand came slapping down on Axel's shoulder companionably as the man gave him a serious look. Axel was about to thank him again…and then the other man's expression suddenly changed. Something out the window seemed to have caught his eye. He glanced away, looking surprised and…exasperated.

Marluxia was muttering under his breath. "God damn it, what's he…?"

Before Axel could wonder, the sound of the door opening interrupted him. He glanced over and saw a man in a suit stopped in the doorway. He had long, straight blond hair, and looked to be older than Axel, though it was hard to tell. He looked about Marluxia's age, actually…though the pink-haired man lost about ten years off his age when he was in his makeup. Axel wasn't sure what was going on, or why the guy was just standing there, frozen, but before he could ask, the blond took him completely aback.

"You…I knew it!" His voice was strained, and Marluxia winced, quickly removing his hand from Axel's shoulder.

"Damn it, it's not what you think, Vexen. What the hell are you doing here this week anyway? You just came last week…"

With even more suppressed accusation, the man snapped back, "Evidently, I'm catching you in the act! Surprised to see me this week, huh? Thought it would be a good day for one of your other men?"

Rolling his eyes, voice tight and annoyed, Marluxia began, "Vexen, I _told_ you…"

"Don't keep lying to me, Marluxia!" The blond was almost yelling now. "I knew you'd do this! You…you _whore!_" With that, the man spun on his heel and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

"Vexen!" The pink-haired man look thoroughly irritated, and Axel was confused as hell. "Shit! Ahh, damn it, I'm sorry Axel, I have to catch him. Can this wait until maybe tomorrow morning?"

The man was halfway to the door already, and Axel, though unhappy about the sudden turn of events, could see traces of real worry and concern under the irritation. Whatever was going on, the whorehouse boss was clearly upset about it. Before agreeing, however, he managed to remember that leaving his apartment early tomorrow was likely to be just as unpleasant as it had been today.

"Um, yeah…actually, could we make it Monday?"

Pausing at the door, the man called back, "Absolutely, Monday, no problem! Sorry about this! See you then!" With that, Marluxia took off down the sidewalk, disappearing after the blond.

Shaking his head and sighing, Axel decided to forgo trying to figure out what that had been about. He'd just have to wait to find out.

He might have been considerably more irritated over having left his apartment for no reason…but that sting was soothed by the thought that he could return _now_. Fifteen minutes' drive – and a quick stop at the drugstore – and he could be back with Roxas already. For the whole weekend.

Axel grinned as he headed to his car with a brisk step. No, he didn't mind very much at _all_.

~o~

Lying in bed, dozing comfortably and oh-so-warm, Roxas floated back to consciousness with a smile when he heard the front door open and close. He hadn't looked at the clock when Axel had left, and he didn't feel like rolling over to look at it now. It didn't matter. Axel was back, and it really hadn't felt like any time at all. _Perfect_.

The bedroom door opened next, and Roxas was already smiling, anticipating strong arms around him and deep, loving kisses. _And then…_

He rolled over to welcome Axel…and blinked at the man standing by the bed.

His body and soul froze at the sight of that cruel sneer. White hair. Evil yellow eyes.

"Hello, bitch."

~o~


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note:** I know it's been half a year guys, but...uh...I was writing Love Stinks? Ugh, I know, I suck. Well, LS is done now, and I promised, so - here's an update, finally! And to answer everyone's question: YES I am going to finish this fic. It will not be dropped. Ever.

To those of you who are still with me, thank you so much. Especially if there's still anyone left who has been reading this since the beginning. Because - dear God - June 17, 2008 was the day I posted the first chapter of this fic. I had no idea I would still be writing it two years later...but I can't deny that these have been two good years in fanfiction, all thanks to you, my darling readers. :)

So thanks again. Sorry, as always, for the delays. And here's hoping I've finished this baby by this time NEXT year, eh? XD

* * *

Roxas was up and throwing himself from the bed, tearing free of the sheets frantically. He didn't hesitate and didn't scream – couldn't waste the energy. His feet hit the carpet and there were hands after him, hands belonging to eyes that flickered with golden murder, and Roxas dodged and tensed and bolted. Mind empty, given over completely to survival, the instinct to flee, he spun to _get out of the room_…but shapes that didn't belong there blocked his way, bodies that were _enemies, enemies, danger_ but he already knew there was nowhere to run in the room and adrenaline threw him forward. With a desperate sprint he hurled himself into the body nearest the door, lashing out wildly and striking a surprised face, not noticing what happened to it, only seeing the way clear for a brief moment. He shot out of the room like a bullet, not caring about or noticing his own nakedness – that didn't even _register_ in the face of this much danger.

_Phone, phone, call 911-__**no!**__ Call Axel, Axel, they won't help me I need __**Axel! **_Yelling voices and pursuit he could _feel_ as he tore toward the living room, thinking only of the phone, heart racing in fright knowing only one thing – _If he catches me, I'm dead_.

Blue. _Him_. The cruel one, the lackey stood in his way as Roxas flinched, skidded, stumbled to turn to the side, pulling up too fast, almost unable to redirect his speed, but recovering quickly and tearing forward again, into the kitchen now, _oh shit_, hands on his body, slipping, grabbing at his legs before he kicked free and fled. But the kitchen didn't offer much escape, and there were more men again now, following, _chasing_. Panic escalating, Roxas grabbed for something to defend himself – he threw a chair at the nearest shape and tried to dash around the table for _the knife drawer, the big knife, hurry!_ They were close and getting closer.

His foot went out from under him.

He'd slipped on something – _a towel on the floor? _– and was crashing to the tiles, lurching forward and unable to keep his feet, two long paces from the knife drawer but still straining, knowing with wild-eyed terror that they were _close, too close_…

The first sound his voice released since waking was a pained, choked cry as he was yanked up by his hair, still thrashing. Tight fists sought flesh, anywhere to hit, _hurt_, make the giant attacker _let go let go_ while legs flew out to kick and kick _hard_, but the momentary loosening of the hold on his hair was only replaced by more hands, pinning him, grabbing his limbs, his body, and Roxas was gasping in a deep breath to _scream, scream, scream for help…_

And with an earth-shattering crash of mind-erasing pain, everything went black.

~o~

With a _thud_, the suddenly-still, naked boy hit the tile floor. Saïx straightened, relaxing after the unexpected chase, the other thugs in the kitchen doing the same. He looked up as Xemnas strode in, cold eyes flickering to the unconscious blond.

"Wrap him in something and bring him." The order was dispassionate. The suits moved to obey, one of them bringing a throw that had been draped over the living room couch. Xemnas moved toward the door. "We're going back. Leave the surveillance team, but make it discreet. I'll decide his punishment after I have more information. In the meantime, the police may be called."

"Should I have them clean up here, Sir?" Saïx was following closely, listening to the orders. Xemnas snorted disdainfully.

"Don't bother. No fingerprints, that's all. They won't find anything they can't forget when told to." The scar-faced lackey nodded. The wrapped boy was brought, carried out to the waiting car. Swiftly and silently, the apartment was emptied of intruders, the surveillance team given their orders by their blue-haired boss. In a matter of five minutes, they were gone, the neighborhood left in the dreamy gray-gold of earliest dawn in summer – sleepy, silent, and unaware.

~o~

Axel was still smiling, still happy, when he turned his key in the lock and slipped quietly into his apartment, not knowing the door had been _re_-locked by the thug who'd been in charge of quickly and easily picking it. And he was still smiling, still excited and blissfully in love as he chucked his shoes and headed for the bedroom, carrying the small shopping bag from the drugstore. He almost made it to the bedroom – _The door's open…Roxas must have gotten up while I was gone. Bathroom, maybe._ – when his eyes were pulled to the side. Diverted by something in the kitchen. Something that snagged his peripheral vision and drew his attention away from the thought of his sleeping lover. Just for a moment.

A moment in which Axel stopped, the smile faltering as he glanced into the kitchen. And then blinked, looked again. Looked at the overturned chair laying across the kitchen entryway…nowhere near the table, where it was supposed to be.

The smile disappeared.

In less than a heartbeat, Axel was in the bedroom. Bed: empty. A few things disordered, the top of the dresser partially cleared by a sudden swipe – it took the space of one gasp to see everything.

"Roxas." His voice was a strangled whisper. And then Axel had turned.

The bathroom was empty, no blond. "Roxas!" The living room again, the kitchen. "Roxas, _Roxas!"_ Empty. In seconds, Axel knew for sure – he wasn't here. The apartment was empty. There were signs of a struggle. Throwing his front door open in a panic, green eyes scanned everywhere, a strained scream breaking free: _"Roxas!"_

No answer.

Axel grabbed his phone and paused. His heart was in his throat, hammering, trying to break out as his mind spun, dizzy, sweating, hyperventilating, _Who do I call, who, who?_

He dialed Luxord, but it was still early on a Saturday. The answering machine picked up.

"Luxord! Luxord, I need help, please call me back right away, please _God_ you have to wake up soon! It's an emergency, I don't know what to do, _please call me back!_ I'll…I…I have to call the cops for now, maybe this time they'll listen…_hurry and call me back, please!_"

With that, Axel hung up and called the police. When they arrived – promptly, as promised – he'd had five minutes to try to calm down…and fail utterly. The reporter was still in a near-panic, frantic about what to do. Because he _knew_. Roxas wouldn't go anywhere on his own, wouldn't disappear for _any_ reason. Axel had scoured the apartment for five minutes, looking for a note, and had only discovered that all Roxas' clothes still remained…and his throw blanket was missing, oddly. And the sinking, cold feeling in Axel's gut grew heavier and heavier every second with absolute certainty that _it had happened_, Roxas had been _found, taken_. _How? _And…_ I've failed him, he's been taken, oh God what if they hurt him? I shouldn't have left him, there was no reason to __**go**__, and now…now…oh God oh God don't let them __**hurt**__ him! Somehow, I have to get him __**back**__…oh God Roxas, what have I done?_

The police arrived, and Axel had to force himself to focus. Explain. Show the signs. He also had to…lie. A tiny bit.

"My friend was staying with me because this guy was after him, he didn't do anything wrong, this guy is just out to get him. I went out for barely an hour this morning for an appointment, I left him sleeping. I got back and he's gone, the place looks like _this_," Axel had already taken the officer on a tour of the few signs of struggle that his apartment boasted, "and I know that guy came and abducted him, I _know_ it! There's no way he would go out, he's been _hiding_ from that guy, he was…"

"Calm down, Sir, please." Axel had been starting to panic again. _Damn it, damn._ He needed to get a grip. Especially since his "friend" was missing – only so much panic would be believable.

"Well, it looks like the lock _has_ been picked, and by someone who knew what they were doing. They didn't leave much trace. You say this friend of yours was hiding from someone?"

"Yes ma'am." Axel nodded.

"Did he ever mention the details to you? Like what he feared from this man? Maybe some clues as to who the person was?"

Axel swallowed. _Here we go…_ "He…the man…he would abuse him, my friend I mean. Roxas. This man is a pervert…he's raped Roxas before…"

Pencil-thin eyebrows shot up. "Raped him? Then we might have a record on this guy. Tell us anything you can about him, please."

"I…I know who he is. Roxas told me his name." The woman officer looked even more interested, eyebrows inching higher. Listening. "His name is…Xemnas."

The officer fell still. Axel watched her blink once before she answered slowly, carefully. "Xemnas…do you mean to implicate Xemnas Emmonds, the CEO of KH Holdings and Corporation?"

There was just the thinnest trace of chill in her voice. Axel couldn't read it, didn't know what it meant about her reaction personally…but he had a sinking feeling about the success of police efforts in recovering Roxas. Still, he nodded seriously. "That's exactly who I mean. No one else has any reason to be after Roxas. He never did anything wrong. It _has_ to be Xemnas. He abducted Roxas, there's absolutely no doubt…"

The cop cut in there. "Well, for the time being, there's absolutely no _proof_ either. But that's why we investigate." Her manner had become brisk…like moving on. Getting out. "We'll have this report in at once, and the detective assigned to this case will be in touch with any questions…"

By her manner, Axel almost expected the whole team to vanish in the next five minutes. Instead, the police officer quickly wrapped up her conversation with him, allowing him to insist again that Xemnas was the culprit and they needed to investigate _him_ and get Roxas _back_, but she only nodded and didn't seem to be listening too closely. Then she left, while a few other cops stayed. Axel's apartment was, after all, a crime scene. Forensics showed up, along with the detective, and the police force did everything they usually would, which took time, as it usually would. But Axel could tell – it didn't take _quite_ as long as it should have before the entire force was finally cleaning up and packing up and leaving. The detective didn't listen _quite_ as carefully after Axel mentioned Xemnas. The parting promises of "doing the best we can" and providing the detective's phone number and instructions about what to do if he heard anything weren't _quite_ as focused and intent and careful. Axel tried to tell himself not to be paranoid…but he couldn't shake the feeling of being utterly brushed off, as briskly as possible.

The police wouldn't help. He knew it already. He didn't understand the inner workings of how it would be swept under the proverbial carpet, and Axel wasn't the most intuitive guy around, but he could feel the truth strung tight in the air – nothing would be done.

And then the police were gone, and silence swallowed Axel's apartment. It was so _empty_…and it was nearly noon. In less than half a minute, Axel was dialing Luxord again.

"Whadda ya want? Who is this?" Axel was relieved to hear the older reporter pick up, though he sounded barely-awake and fit to smash the phone. The redhead, however, had bigger worries than Luxord's mood.

"Luxord, it's Axel. I called early this morning and left a message…"

"Axel, eh? Hell, son, ya woke me up just now. Better have a damn good reason for this…" He sounded mollified slightly, but still grumbled dangerously. No one was entirely safe from Luxord's Saturday morning wrath. And really, Axel couldn't blame him. He'd always been the same…

"Luxord, I'm sorry but it's an emergency. The cops just left, they've been here – at my apartment – all morning."

"Eh? Cops? The hell you talkin' about, son?"

Inhaling deeply, Axel tried to steady his voice and even out his explanation. "It's Xemnas. He's made his move. I had to go out early this morning, and in the space of less than an hour, he got in here and took…her. Uh, my sister." Axel had barely remembered in time that his story to Luxord had been that Xemnas was the ex-lover of his _sister_. It was getting too hard to keep track of what he'd said, and to whom. "I got back and she was gone. Signs of a struggle. He's taken her, I don't know what to do…if he…if he hurts…her…"

Sounding more awake, Luxord cut in. "All right, easy there. You called the cops, you said? What did you tell them?"

Wincing, Axel answered, "Actually, I called you first and left that message. Then I called them. They just left. I showed them the place, told them, uh…told them about the situation. I told them it was Xemnas. They didn't seem too happy to hear that. I don't think they're gonna find h-her, Lux. I have to do something. Please, you gotta help me figure this out…"

"Son." He was silenced again just as panic began to take over. Luxord sighed heavily. "The diner on the corner, by the office. Meet me there in 20 minutes and we'll talk. This ain't a phone type of conversation, and I need breakfast. And coffee. Got it?" Axel agreed quickly. "All right. See you there." With a _click_, the line died.

Axel turned to the door and his waiting keys and shoes. He didn't bother with anything else. Didn't pause. Just followed the only course of action presented to him, unhesitating…fighting down the continuing surges of guilt and fear. _Oh God, what might be happening to him right now…_

~o~

After five minutes of sitting at a table, tapping the hard surface with a nervous finger and sipping coffee – burning his tongue three times – Axel was beginning to lose his patience. _Where's that old geezer? He's late!_ Axel was just fishing out his phone to try calling Luxord again when a waitress came up to his table.

"Excuse me, Sir? There was a call for you…if you're Axel?"

Startled, his eyes shot up. "Yes, I am. There's a call…?" He was ready to jump up and follow her to the phone when she continued.

"Yes, but the caller left a message…he asked me to write it down and bring it with your tab. Here you go." She set two slips of receipt paper down, one with printed numbers, the other bearing looping handwriting. "Have a nice day, Sir."

Axel turned his attention to the handwritten slip. _Take your time. Finish your coffee. Pay, then walk down to the office. You forgot some things on my desk._

_What the fuck?_ Axel really had _no_ idea what to make of this note, and his first inclination was to run down to the office right away. If Luxord was _there_ rather than _here…_ But he hesitated. Whatever was going on, the old reporter knew what he was doing. If there was one thing Axel had learned from talking to all those informants, it was that Luxord was a scary enemy…and a trustworthy ally.

So Axel finished his coffee. Burned his tongue four more times. _I won't be able to taste anything for days…_ Then he got up, trying to look aimless and lazy – "Take your time" seemed to imply that he should act casual, if possible – and went to the register to pay. Then, he strolled down to the office. He didn't have his ID badge with him, so he had to press the call button and trust the Saturday receptionist to buzz him in. She knew who he was, and let him into the office after Axel explained that he'd forgotten some things in his cubicle that he needed for Monday's copy. The whole process nearly drove Axel insane with how long it took, but he was finally able to get up to his floor and Luxord's office. The blond man was waiting.

"Come on in." Axel followed, and Luxord set about locking the door, even though the office was empty.

"Luxord, why the change of…" Axel was cut off there.

"You were followed, Son." Green eyes went wide at the implication…and he hadn't even noticed! Luxord returned to his desk and sat heavily, looking bleary-eyed, unwashed – just out of bed. He was mumbling, "Christ, I could use some coffee…shoulda told ya to bring me one…"

"I was followed?" Axel was still somewhat shocked.

The older man looked up at him. "Sure were, Son. I was havin' a cigarette across the street, watched you show up with a car on your tail. They're still keepin' an eye on ya, and I can't have them watching me, too. So you'll leave here first, and I'll have to wait until your fan club is gone before I can get my breakfast." He didn't seem at all pleased about the idea.

"I'm sorry," Axel sighed, confused and upset. "I didn't know…"

"I know ya didn't. I didn't think of it either, until I saw them. Just my good habit to be watchful. So anyway," The man straightened, changing subjects. "You say your apartment was broken into this morning, the little victim stolen, and now, clearly, they're watching you."

The additional detail was deeply troubling. Axel hadn't expected them to go this far. "Yes…" He sighed. "And I have no idea how they found us…her. She didn't go _anywhere_…"

"Son," Luxord stopped him again. "I think it's about time we dropped the little story, eh? Before you end up hiding something from me that I need to know?" He shook his head. "Sister, my ass." Axel was staring, wide-eyed, doing a terrible job of hiding his shock. Luxord just continued patiently. "I know it's no girl you've been hiding, and I know he's not related to you, either."

"Wh-what?" Stupid as the reply sounded, even to himself, Axel couldn't come up with better. Luxord just shook his head, faintly bemused.

"Boy, I know the basic background of every soul in this office, right down to the part-time flunkies. I know you don't have a sister. Now, you tell me this person you're helping is your sister, I gotta wonder why. If it's a woman, why lie? Nothing shocking about a young man having a girlfriend, trying to protect her from her ex. So I figured it was a boy, and not a relative either, or you'd have said so. Nothing wrong with helping a nephew or something, either. Could have been just an unrelated boy you befriended, wanted to help, but the fact that you felt like you needed to hide the little gender detail let me know there was something up. I already figured you were involved with him, and now I'm sure."

"S-Sure?" Axel felt the energy draining right out of him. Luxord was…_scary_.

With a snort that might have been a laugh, the man nodded. "You haven't looked in a mirror yet today, have you, Son? I guess not, or you might have _tried_ to cover that neck up. Those hickies don't lie, boy."

Axel didn't have an answer for that. He was busy turning a shade darker than his hair. Luxord chuckled.

"You gotta learn to slow down and look around you, boy. If you were thinking things through, you might have noticed the kind of informants I sent you to – the sex industry guys. Not just any pimps, were they? Believe me, I could have picked out at least a dozen names of regular pimps, but I had already figured you were covering up the gender, so I had to dig out guys in homosexual prostitution if there was any chance of getting info on Xemnas. I don't know as many of those, I'll admit."

More stunned than ever, Axel could only breathe, "Jesus…" _How the hell did I miss something that obvious?_ Axel felt like an idiot, and he had no problem blaming himself for it – after all, his idiocy had cost him Roxas…if he hadn't been so _stupid_ he would have protected the boy properly, he wouldn't be suffering who-knew-what _at this very moment…_

"Leaving all that aside," Luxord continued, "it looks like we've run out of time. I'll get a confirmation from that judge by Monday, Axel. But I can still promise you that we're going to need rock-solid proof of illegal activity or the warrant won't be signed, let alone the court case won. I'll do some footwork too." Hard eyes fixed on Axel's. "It's quicker if I just make the house calls myself, so I'll give you this. I'll make your case my top priority, and today and tomorrow I'll go hunting. What I need to know is, have you got any leads of your own you can follow yet? Because I can send you on a walk to a few whorehouses, but I don't have connections there, so you'd be on your own. And, short of throwing around Benjamins, I doubt that'll produce much. So, what have you got?"

Brain coming alive to the work ahead of them – pushing the tortured emotions aside, because now was the time to _act_ – Axel answered, "I did have one lead I was going to follow up with on Monday, but I can beg him to talk to me immediately. He might have a few places he can send me, even if he can't help, personally. But…I don't know if I can find him before evening…I can try, but…"

Luxord nodded. "Night business. You're right. Well, try anyway, and if you come up empty, you might just have to wait. It's only a few hours. Get a nap. You might be up all night tonight. Gotta hunt when the animals are out, and your prey is nocturnal."

Axel's stomach churned unhappily at the thought of _waiting_ until that evening before he could do anything. "I'll…check anyway. Just in case. Maybe I can find him before then…"

Silently conceding with a shrug, Luxord added, "Lose your fan club before you go anywhere but home. And try not to look like you're trying to lose them. And, Son…" The blond man shook his head as Axel glanced up. "Cover that neck up before you ask these people anything. You won't fool anybody, and they won't be keen to help a man get his whore back unless he's paying…"

"He's not a whore!" Axel bit his tongue immediately, regretting the little outburst. But Luxord didn't seem to mind. He just sighed again.

"I'm sure he isn't, Son. It's obvious your relationship isn't like that. But that's what these people know, and that's how they'll see it. So just…be careful what information you give out. All right?"

Agreeing, Axel rose to depart the office. Luxord let him out, handing him a large, empty folder. "For Selphie. You told her you were picking something up, right? Can't let her see ya walk out empty-handed." Axel had to marvel once more at the brains of the older reporter…but those thoughts were quickly replaced as he left. The worry came back, the fear for Roxas…all the worst possible scenarios swirling through his mind frantically, nearly making the young reporter dizzy. Nearly making him forget that he had a shadow to lose.

He remembered when he unlocked his car…and had to think fast. He could lose a follower in his car, but not without pulling some driving stunts that would make his intentions obvious… Axel tossed the folder inside, then locked the car again. If they were in a car right now…

Turning, he quickly paced a half block and disappeared into the subway. He didn't even look at his destination, just jumped on a train as the doors were closing. He switched trains twice more in the same manner. He couldn't see anyone following, and he figured that after the first station, the delay between his train and the next would make him impossible to track. Still, Axel got out of the subway and walked a few blocks, just so he could get a more thorough look around and make sure.

When he was certain he wasn't being followed, the redhead hailed a taxi and headed straight for the red-light district and Marluxia's, hoping the whole way for a janitor or someone to be there during the day, anyone who could possibly give him the boss' address, or call the man for him, _anything_…

The building was closed, silent, and looked utterly dead. It was plain that, no matter how much traffic the establishment saw during the night, none of it carried over into the daylight hours. Disappointed and nerves rubbed even more raw by the delay, Axel had the taxi take him to a department store near where he'd parked. He politely asked for one of their large paper shopping bags, opened it up, and carried it with him as he walked back to his car. If they'd lost him, they'd watch his car, and once again, it wouldn't do to come back empty-handed.

Driving home, he tried to pick out any vehicles following him. He thought he found one twice, but couldn't be sure either time. The watchers were good at being discreet. It would be tricky to get out again that evening and back to Marluxia's without his shadow. Tricky…but not impossible. The fire escape ran down the back of his building, and the back wasn't visible from the front at all. He could walk through the neighborhood, catch the bus into town… Plan already well-formulated, Axel parked and headed up to his apartment, maintaining as much composure as possible with the nerve-wracking knowledge that he was being watched pressing on his mind, and the agonizing fear for Roxas wringing at his heart.

The door shut and locked – for what it was worth – behind him, Axel stopped for the first time that day. He _stopped_. Standing in his living room, it dawned on the redhead that he had at least five hours before he could even _begin_ to act again – five hours with nothing to do, and _no way to help Roxas_. Dazed, he wandered to the bathroom – nature called. While there, Axel caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Luxord had been right – he looked like hell. With nothing else to do, Axel turned on the shower and stepped in, cleaning himself up so that he'd be presentable come evening.

When he was done and dressed again, however, Axel was suddenly truly at a loss. Luxord had recommended sleep…but there was no way in hell Axel could possibly _sleep_ right now, not with his mind in a mess over the things Roxas might be experiencing while he took a _nap_. Aimless and lost, Axel wandered into the bedroom and began mechanically setting the dresser back in order. So many random things had been knocked over…he glanced sideways at the disordered bed, but only briefly. Green eyes shot back to the dresser almost at once. The sight…the memories of the night before and the vision of how he'd left Roxas there, so happy, just a few hours ago – it was agonizing. He couldn't look back at the bed, not with the stabbing pain in his chest. His eyes were dry and almost unblinking as he picked up the last fallen items, but Axel was struggling for every breath. He felt as if there was a death grip around his ribs and something blocking his airways too – drawing in air was so difficult, so painful… _God…where is he?_

Still struggling to breathe, still unsure what to do, Axel left the bedroom and its painful memories. Glancing toward the kitchen, he saw the chair again – the one that had first indicated something wrong, laying on its side over the threshold between the kitchen and living room. With stiff, automatic motions, he walked to the chair and picked it up, setting it back at the kitchen table and looking around, swallowing painfully. The silence was so empty, so sickeningly _empty_… _Roxas, Roxas…_ The blond was filling his thoughts so much that Axel wasn't even aware what he was doing…until he stopped.

He'd mechanically picked up a dish towel from the floor, unthinking and unseeing. But now, a crystal clear memory halted his movement – _This…the towel Roxas dropped. Last night…was it only last night? When he told me…he…he told me…_

The towel in his hands vanished from sight in a sudden blur as the stifling grip on Axel's lungs released its hold, a sob breaking from his lips without warning. His death grip on self-control slipped and broke, and a moment later Axel was sliding down the door of a cabinet, sitting on the kitchen floor and clutching the towel and crying. Like a child, like a baby, not a grown man, like…like he didn't know what and didn't even care, because all he could think of was Roxas and all he could feel was _pain_ like he'd never known in his life and all he could do was cry.

Because he was in love, and he'd lost his love, and Roxas was not safe. Axel had failed to protect him – the most important person in his life. He'd lost Roxas, and Roxas was hurting, and there was nothing Axel could do.

~o~


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: **Well, I would have liked to sugar-coat some of this stuff away, but...can't. I hope you can hang in there with me anyway. Either way, you all rock. ^_^

* * *

Numb pain from somewhere – his head? – and low voices slowly broke into Roxas' awareness. Survival instincts dictated his reaction to the confusing uncertainty of waking up – _Stay still, stay quiet, look asleep._

Listen.

"…_After the police left he went into the city. The team tracked him to the offices of The Daily Inquirer – as you know, their personnel department already provided us with his home address and confirmed that he's a reporter for that paper."_

"_Not anymore, Saïx."_

"_Yes Sir."_

"_Anything else?"_

"_He evidently picked up a folder, then went on foot from there. The team lost track of him for about twenty minutes when he went into the subway, but he returned to his car, apparently after a short shopping trip. They followed him home, and he hasn't left the apartment since."_

A pause in the voices. Roxas kept his eyes shut, breathing evenly, trying to hear and understand the conversation. It wasn't making sense… _What happened? Where am I?_

"_That's fairly suspicious behavior."_

"_Yes Sir."_

"_Obviously, he made use of my whore…that is enough reason to punish him. But what I would like to know is his connection to the little slut…"_

"_His behavior has been erratic so far – shopping and running errands suggests no attachment, but the footage the team captured Thursday…"_

"_Indeed." _Another pause._ "Well, continue surveillance. Contact Jim at The Daily Inquirer and make sure things are settled by Monday. Keep the others on standby until I decide what else he deserves. Oh, and send a note of our gratitude to the mall manager. Which department store was he spotted in?"_

"_We received reports from two…"_

"_On the next major holiday, sponsor an employee party in our name for both stores. That should suffice."_

"_Yes Sir."_

The voices were fading, growing a little softer, and then a door opened.

"_Have your men stand by for Monday. I'll inform you later whether they will be needed."_

"_Yes Sir."_

The door closed.

_It's __**him**__…oh God. Axel…_ Roxas' stomach felt like ice. He kept pretending to be asleep, using his best act now in a desperate hope that it would work this time, protect him… Straining ears barely made out the sound of soft footfalls.

Without warning, the world exploded with pain. A hand had cracked him across the face.

A moment later – his act entirely shattered by his cry of pain – that hand closed around Roxas' throat and hauled the blond up. Shocked blue had nowhere to go to escape icy gold. His heart was racing and his breathing was fast and shallow as impressions of his surroundings filtered into Roxas' mind. A luxurious bedroom…an enormous bed…the clink of metal – a pair of cuffs around his ankle, chaining him to the foot of the bed even as Xemnas lifted him partially off the soft surface with a choking grip around his neck.

Barely able to breathe, Roxas was frozen. A long-silent voice inside him was suddenly awake, screaming for him to _save yourself, beg, grovel, give him what he wants so he doesn't kill you_. But Roxas…hesitated.

The voice that spoke was silky, soft…and utterly dead. "Good morning, Princess." A chilly hand caressed the side of his face, wandering toward his ear as Roxas suppressed a shudder of revulsion. "I've missed you, my little Pet. You've put me to a great deal of inconvenience…turning the city inside out searching for you." Then he paused, and false surprise entered the voice as fingertips traced Roxas' ear. "But what's this? Where is my gift? Have you lost the precious gift of your master, you worthless little slut?" The soft voice took on a hard note toward the end.

"I…" Roxas opened his mouth to answer…and immediately stopped. The hand around his throat instantly cut off his voice with a crushing hard pressure.

"Obviously," the cold voice went on, unconcerned, "the little toy does not properly appreciate its position."

_I can't…breathe…_ Roxas struggled to gasp, unable to fully fill his lungs as Xemnas' speech went cold and angry. "You worthless slut…you should have been more grateful. I gave you a privileged place. Freedom. I treated you as special. I gave you gifts. I gave you luxury. And you have thrown my gifts away and fled without a word. Little slut," the voice dropped again, becoming terrifyingly dark, "you will not enjoy such privileged ignorance any longer. It's time you learn your place."

Lips moving uselessly, Roxas strained for air, any air at all… His vision was darkening, growing hazy. Even if he had chosen to beg and whimper, he couldn't. He couldn't produce more than a weak choking sound. The grasp around his neck was strangling him, killing him…and then Xemnas slammed him back down into the mattress.

Coughing, Roxas' lips automatically formed a begging whisper – "Please…" But he was not able to say more. The hand that had been strangling him let go, only to return a moment later – a hard fist crashing into his jaw. Roxas collapsed, stunned, his vision crackling as the pain hit him a moment later. Before he could even cry out, another blow landed – this time crashing into his stomach, emptying his lungs of air all at once.

Then there was a pause. Roxas strained to draw in air again, agony ricocheting through his body. He wasn't aware of anything other than the need to _breathe_…until a fist in his hair pulled him up again, just as the blond was finally able to gasp in a frail breath. Pain and dark, furious gold…and then Roxas was thrown onto his stomach, the twist wrenching his cuffed ankle painfully.

_He's going to kill me._

Roxas' body convulsed automatically in fear and pain…only to bring renewed blows, hurting, _hurting_, beating him into stillness and submission.

_Beg. Beg him. You know what to say to make him stop hitting you…_

A faint whimper escaped from his throat, wide, panicked blue eyes staring forward as harsh hands grabbed him and yanked him up. But Roxas couldn't speak, couldn't move…

Two cruel hands dug into his skin, forcing his backside apart. Two very un-lubricated thumbs drove relentlessly into his body, prying, almost _tearing _him open. _No…Axel, Axel! No!_

"Slutty little _bitch!_" There was no other pause or warning. Only agony – stabbing, sickening _agony_ as Roxas convulsed in a panic and tried to struggle.

_Too late._

~o~

It was a warm night. Too warm for a turtleneck, but Axel didn't have much choice – nothing else concealed his neck properly. Walking through his neighborhood had been OK, though – there was a breeze. But the bus had been hot and the city was still letting off the asphalt-trapped sunlight from the day, and Axel had rolled his sleeves up just to survive. The red-light district was even worse, somehow. The scent of metal and tar mingled with alcohol and smoke, clogging the stagnant night air, encasing warm, sweaty bodies all around, mixing heavy human odors with the scent of the city, creating something under the noise and laughter – an atmosphere of lust and secrets and anger. The darkness of the human soul on a Saturday night in summer.

Or so it seemed to Axel in his current humor. He'd been aiming to get to Marluxia's early – hoping that if he beat most of the Saturday night traffic, maybe the man would be more disposed to find time for him. But he'd forgotten about the weekend bus schedules and had missed the bus he needed and been forced to sit and wait while the hour ticked later and the sky sank deeper into twilight. And now that he had finally made it here, the time was not in Axel's favor. _Ugh,_ he groaned internally, _I'll be lucky if he even listens to me for one fucking second._

The bar was even more crowded than the night before. Most of the seating was taken, people cluttering the standing room in small groups, others passing back and forth, full glasses and empty glasses going to and from the bar nonstop. The loud murmur of many voices – deep and male. Hardly any women in sight. Boys…_everywhere_. Flirting with customers at the bar, leaning close with secretive smiles, skin, skin, _skin_. Handsy men groping willing bodies at tables and in booths, random guys reaching out to squeeze a passing ass…and in the darker corners, movement…low moans barely heard over the noise of the bar. Scenes that had Axel snapping his gaze forward again. He didn't want to see that. Didn't want to think… _He came from this. He used to…_

The pink-haired owner of the establishment was, once again, obviously swamped. And, as Axel had expected, the moment Marluxia laid eyes on him, a thoroughly pissed and exasperated expression came over the man's face.

"I thought you got the fucking _message_, Mister! I'm sorry about yester-…I mean this morning, but…_Monday!_ OK? You know I don't have time for this now!" In spite of the heavy makeup, Axel could tell – the man looked stressed and exhausted. He looked like he hadn't slept much, actually.

But…he couldn't wait! Not this time… All he could do was sound as apologetic yet insistent as possible. "I'm sorry…I know! I wouldn't have come but…it's really an emergency now…wait!" Marluxia had turned to walk away from Axel, heading for the back room. The reporter's hand shot out as he sprang halfway over the bar and grabbed the other man, heedless of the response he might get, plunging ahead in desperation. "He's been taken! Kidnapped! Roxas has…please, his _life_ could be in danger! The guy who took him is terrible, you've no idea…!"

Quicker than a blink, Axel found a strong hand clapped over his mouth. Marluxia was smiling tightly, his voice a tense whisper, just loud enough to be heard. "Do you _mind_ not making a scene here? There are _customers_."

The hand was removed and the man pulled back slightly, Axel answering quickly, "I'm sorry, but Roxas…I mean Roxie, he's really in danger, and if you won't help then there's nothing I can do and…and there's no one else who can save him…!"

A skeptical twist to the other man's mouth and a furrowed brow…then an abrupt lean forward again. "You know his real name." The voice was low, flat. The man paused as Axel nodded, seeming to consider. "You're really trying to help him? And he's really in _that much_ danger?"

"I am, and you have no idea how much, yes." His urgency was radiating from Axel's voice and expression. He _had_ to get this man to see…

Marluxia sighed, frowning. "OK. Look. I believe you. But…right this second I can't. It's too busy. Can you wait? When things calm down a little later and we're not in the middle of the early evening rush down here…when I get everyone upstairs more or less, maybe we can talk."

He didn't hesitate. "How long?"

"At least two hours, maybe three."

_Three hours…_ Axel's stomach rolled in misery. _Three more hours of doing nothing, three more hours to let that bastard hurt him_… But he didn't have a choice. So he swallowed his tormented impatience and nodded, lips tight. "I'll wait."

The pink-haired man nodded back. "Have a drink while you do," was all he said, and he was gone, back to managing the mayhem of the bar.

So Axel waited. He sat at the bar, staying as far away from the tables and booths and dark corners where the heaviest public displays seemed concentrated. The bar seemed to be mostly for preliminary flirting. There were men with wandering eyes who apparently wanted to observe the boys and pick a favorite, and there were plenty to choose from. Those who weren't either busy in secretive corners or giving their client a little "taste" before disappearing into the alley or upstairs were wandering from man to man at the bar, smiling and touching and sometimes staying, sometimes moving on to try the next guy.

The redhead expected to have to turn some boys away. He _hadn't_ expected it, however, when he suddenly found himself uncomfortably close to one of the few pairs at the bar who seemed to be hitting it off amazingly well. Before he knew it, the man sitting next to him had moved from flirting with a scantily-clad boy to making out – rather suddenly and almost violently. The boy was vocal with his welcome, too. They were practically dry-humping – Axel doing his best to see nothing past the drink an inch from his nose so that he wouldn't turn around and hit the dirty old man – before the boy finally cracked the guy's resistance and hauled him away toward his boss, a room assignment, and then the back hallway, where Axel remembered the elevator was. _Thank God._ Axel relaxed slightly, still keeping his gaze buried in his drink, however.

"Hey Mister…wanna have some fun?"

Axel's head snapped up like a whip, and for a second he hovered on the brink of blacking out. Because he was looking at blond hair and blue eyes and an inviting smile and it was all so damned _familiar_, it was _exactly the same_, and for a spine-shuddering moment he very nearly grabbed the boy, his heart screaming the name that was hovering on his lips… _Roxas._

Before he knew it, the lithe figure had insinuated himself between Axel's knees on the bar stool and had two arms around his neck, and his scent hit Axel a moment later.

_Not Roxas_.

He knew that. He knew already. He knew by the slight differences in the features – this wasn't the face he loved. And he knew by the voice. It just wasn't _him_. It wasn't, but…the boy was so _similar_ to the Roxas he'd first met. The reminder was…agonizing.

"I'm Ven," the curling, not-Roxas lips were saying, "What's your name?" The hips between his legs rolled slightly, suggestively. "Or should I just call you _Master_?"

The purring tones and melted blue eyes and close, warm body…were making Axel sick. His face a blank mask to restrain his grief and revulsion, the redhead reached up without a word and grabbed the arms around his neck, pulling the boy off, pushing him away, and turning back to the bar. _Roxas…God. Roxas._

Apparently, the boy hadn't taken the hint, though. Caressing hands massaged his back, and that purr was there again, murmuring in his ear, "Awww, what's the matter, Sexy? Somebody break your heart? Mmm? Hey…it's OK. C'mere. Talk to me." The tone lowered again, just slightly. "I can make it all better. You can forget all the bad stuff with me…"

Shoulders hunching, Axel rubbed a hand over his face briefly, then drew a careful breath. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he turned to the blond. _He looks like…such a child…_ "Kid…go away." He spoke flatly, voice low and sad. Green eyes the same. "You have no idea what love is. Poor, poor kid."

Blue eyes flashed a moment, angry – about to lash out. But Axel sighed. "Please…just…leave me alone." He couldn't hide his sorrow as his eyes met suddenly-startled blue. The anger flickered out. The boy blinked, backed away. Hesitated a moment…curious? Finally, with a mildly irritated huff, he turned to go.

"Fine then, Mister. Let me know if you change your mind…" The rest was a barely-audible mumble. "…hell're ya doin in a place like this anyway…fucking…" The disgruntled complaining faded as the boy disappeared into the crowd and was gone.

Just like that, Axel was back to thinking about Roxas. No matter who else tried to get his attention, no matter what other public displays took place within arm's reach of the redhead – he didn't look up. Didn't respond. Just waited. Tried to form plans. Dozens of plans, hundreds…plans for every possibility he could think of. And most of the possibilities occurring to him were awful.

He switched to non-alcoholic drinks after the first two – had to keep his head clear for tonight – and waited.

Finally, the noise level seemed to begin to die down. Marluxia, still constantly in and out of the back room, seemed to be spending a lot more time with his clipboard and room keys. Slowly, the atmosphere changed. Calmed down. There was more room to move. Some men got their fondle in and moved on. Some disappeared into the alley or the restroom or a dark corner with a boy and emerged only to depart. And a slow, discreet stream of men were vanishing into the hallway with the elevator, their companions carrying keys and leading them on. It was gradual enough that a passing observer wouldn't really notice…but a reporter with eyes that had nothing else to observe counted up an impressive tally of customers choosing to spend a little time and money upstairs.

Axel hadn't realized Marluxia's was such a successful business. If all those boys charged the rates that Roxas had once rattled off to him so easily…

Another drink was set in front of him, and Axel was about to decline the unasked-for refill when he noticed long, painted nails rather than the bartender's nondescript and somewhat effeminate hand. Glancing up, he saw the pink-haired house boss leaning on varnished wood and looking at him. "So." The man began without prelude. "Who are you to my boy Roxie, anyway? And who's after him, and what the hell can I do about it?"

Luxord had warned him about revealing the nature of his relationship with Roxas to these people, but…Axel had a hunch that honesty might work best for him with this man. Maybe not anyone else he talked to, but Marluxia seemed to genuinely care about Roxas so… "I'm his lover." He glanced up, his gaze steady and serious. "Not his sugar daddy or master or anything like that. I love him, and he…he loves me too." The words brought a twist of agony to his chest, but Axel continued explaining. "I've been hiding him from a dangerous guy, who _was_ his master until recently. This morning he disappeared while I was out. I know he was taken, and from what this guy has done to him before…" Axel had to swallow to continue. "…I'm afraid…" He choked again, unable to speak the things he feared were happening to Roxas.

The whorehouse boss, however, needed no help understanding. "All right. So what can I tell you?"

Quickly, swallowing his misery by focusing on what needed to be done, Axel explained his hunt for evidence of illegal activity and the plan to try to get a warrant. He'd only outlined the plan before the pink-haired man was interrupting, a small, concentrated frown between his brows. "OK, that's all well and good, but now you gotta tell me who this guy is. Because it sounds from what you're planning like you're expecting him to be tough to pin down. Who the hell are we talking about here?"

_Please let his name ring a bell…_ If Axel was praying _one_ prayer – aside from having Roxas back and safe – it was for Marluxia to know Xemnas. Because, if the boss had no idea who Xemnas was…that was it. Axel had no other leads.

"His name is Xemnas…"

The startled flicker in the other man's sharp blue eyes was exactly what Axel had been desperate to see. Before Marluxia spoke a word, Axel was swallowing down a lump of sudden hope.

"Xemnas…wait. Rich, white-haired guy? Dark skin? Sick in the head?" Axel nodded seriously. "Oh my God…_that's_ the bastard that's after my Roxie? And Roxie was involved with him, you said?"

Axel explained as quickly as possible, outlining what he knew of Roxas' time under Xemnas' control. Because he needed to hurry up and ask – "How do you know Xemnas? What can you tell me about him?"

Suddenly quiet, the men shot him a sharp look, then jerked his head briefly. "Follow me. I'll show you." Without another word, he turned, and Axel obediently followed him behind the bar and into the back room. Marluxia's voice was suddenly raised toward a side door – there were several branching off from a short hallway. "Riku, watch the front for me for five minutes, please?" There was a pause before a young man appeared in the doorway of what looked to be a tiny office. Silver hair startled Axel for a moment, until he realized that he hadn't met this man before.

The man didn't speak, just stood a moment, aqua eyes sharp and angry as he shot the boss a very pointed _look_ before turning to stomp toward the front. _What the hell?_ Axel wondered as he followed the pink-haired man into another tiny office. _He wasn't one of the…boys, was he?_ He'd been dressed in jeans and a simple black beater…not to mention he looked a little older than most of the boys Axel had observed picking up customers. _Weird…_

But Marluxia was getting his attention again, calling him to sit down as the man produced a notebook and began to leaf through it.

"Roxie should never have gotten involved with him in the first place. What the hell was he _thinking?_ He should have known better…unless he just forgot. Xemnas…Xemnas…he's a ways back…" The man mumbled to himself, "I should make all the boys do a refresher on the men in here." Then he flipped the notebook around, pointing to what looked like a clipping from a magazine – a white-haired businessman with frigid golden eyes and a thin smile. A painted nail tapped the page. "Him. He's been in this book since two years ago. Some of the boys who have come since then aren't as familiar with the older entries, but I make sure they at least look them over once. You never know when one will turn up again."

Confused, Axel nodded, trying to follow. "OK…but…what's the notebook for?"

"Oh!" Blue eyes widened a moment, "This is where I keep a record of guys that have been blacklisted from this establishment. Every once in a while, a man goes over the line – and I mean in more than just a "call security once" type of way. If I have to throw them out, but they're persistent bastards who keep coming back…they get blacklisted. I put them in this book, with a description and a picture, if possible. And I make all my boys keep an eye out for the guys in here. Nobody serves them, and if anyone sees one of these men, they call security at once and get him out. I don't put up with troublemakers."

Hope welling up in Axel again, he asked carefully, "Sounds like a good plan…so…did Xemnas do anything illegal? Like, something you could prove…?"

But the other man shook his head, making Axel's heart sink. "It's not like that. It's usually just a matter of them being too rough with the boys. Sometimes maybe trying too hard to get them to fuck outside of work hours, which is against the rules. If they damage the merchandise or try to rob me, I can't put up with that kind of customer. Costs me more in the long run. This one? If I remember correctly, he was just too rough. I had to restrict him to my S&M boys at first, because he kept hurting the others – untrained ones. But then he started to go too far with my trained boys. There's limits on what kind of damage a client is allowed to inflict, even with S&M. And he crossed that line one too many times. But it's not like there are laws protecting prostitutes from rough clients…so no. He didn't do anything illegal that I can prove, though I wouldn't put anything past a guy like that. He'd be the type to pull some seriously shitty stunts."

"But nothing you know of specifically…and nothing you can prove." Axel's heart felt like lead as the man slowly nodded.

"Yeah…sorry. I wish I could help…especially if he's after Roxie. Damn it…he shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. I thought he knew this notebook backwards and forwards." Leaning back with a sigh and running a hand through his hair, the boss sat back, muttering. "That's guy's such a bastard…and he _doesn't_ quit. I found out recently that he's had agents in here – look." He sat forward and flipped pages quickly, to the front of the notebook. "This one's new. Just blacklisted a while ago, for the same thing – way too rough. Hurting my boys. _Then_ I find out he was working for Xemnas. Piece of shit."

Glancing at the page, Axel saw what looked like a candid snapshot of a blue-haired man sitting at Marluxia's bar. A large scar added danger to a sharp face.

"Actually…I think I had my eye on this one since he first showed up. He hurt the boy…oh! It was Roxie, that's right!" Axel's head snapped up to look at the other man, whose face showed shock at his sudden recollection. "He was the last client Roxie ever took, and the poor kid was in terrible shape after him. I knew there was other shit going on with Roxie at the time, but still…I had my eye on this guy after that. He didn't take long to get himself blacklisted."

_His last…client._ Green eyes blinked blankly down at the picture.

"_He was the last one…yesterday…he was kinda rough…he had __**claws**__…"_

Automatically, Axel's gaze shot to the man's hand, where it held a glass of something amber. It wasn't the best picture, and it wasn't crystal clear, but they were unmistakable just the same.

_Claws._

A vision flashed in his mind – a pale, slender body, flushed and warm…and covered in cuts and bruises. Long, jagged cuts over shoulder blades and down Roxas' back, and scratches covering the boy's chest…_Roxas. Hurt._ This man…this man had done those things to his love. Had beaten and abused the beautiful body that Axel had held in his arms – was it only last night? – and kissed and cherished like a priceless gift, because it was _Roxas_ and he _loved_ Roxas, _he loved him so much…_

"Hey! Mister?"

_And this guy was just a flunkie. Just a…an errand-boy for…for the one who has him now._

Throat dry, Axel swallowed before he could rasp an answer. "Yes?"

"I didn't know if you were listening." Marluxia relaxed again, sitting back. "I was trying to say that I don't have anything concrete on either of these two…but I might know someone who does."

Axel was leaning forward immediately, urgency overruling all thought. "You know someone? Someone who might have proof? Who is it? What will they know? Please tell me where to find them! And if you could introduce me… If it's someone else, who doesn't have any reason to listen to me or help, I can't… If there's anything you can do…!"

Delaying hands waved at him, Marluxia cutting him off. "Woah, woah, hang on! Slow down, OK? Yeah, I know another guy in the business. I know quite a few, actually, but not many that I can call in favors from. So happens, I might be able to call one in from this guy…and he deals with shadier stuff than me." Tone lowering to a mutter, the boss added, "Not everybody works under the same standards…" Then he sighed. "Well, it's not like I don't understand. But anyway, Reno's a likely try, and if he's got anything to tell, he owes me, so he'll talk. I should probably go with you though…" Muttering again, the man trailed off, "…Reno can be a tricky bastard to deal with…"

But challenges like "a tricky bastard" were irrelevant to Axel. He was already on his feet. "When can we leave? Can we see him now, right away? You must understand now how much danger Roxas is in…every minute…"

Grudgingly, the other man had to agree. "Well, yeah…if it's this guy it's not good…but leaving in the middle of a Saturday night isn't good either…" Galled by the possibility of delay, Axel was quick to point out that business _had _slowed by now… "Well, yes." The boss admitted. "Most of my rooms are full, and it's not too hard to deal with the rest of the evening, the boys know the routine…if I could convince Riku to take charge for a couple hours…"

"I'm sure that's all we'll need, and it'll make a _big_ difference if we start _now_." Axel was quick to help the man along that line of thought. Marluxia, however, winced.

"This isn't gonna be pretty."

It wasn't. When the request was made to the silver-haired young man, aqua eyes went icy at once. Voice flat, Riku demanded, "Time and a half for every _minute_ you're gone, and two hours' bonus for every guy I have to call security on."

Growling back, the pink-haired man bartered, "Fine. But at least _try_ to turn them down gently before you call security. Realize what kind of place you work in, and stop treating my customers like trash for taking an interest. They can't know you're not for sale."

The other young man snarled, "They don't _need_ to even know I'm _here_, if you'd just let me stay in my office and do my _job_."

Snapping, the boss waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway…Axel, was it? You haven't met – this is Riku, my accountant. Please don't be bothered by the _bitching_. He's a little too good for his own _boss._"

The accountant grumbled under his breath, "Didn't say that. Don't care what other people do, I just won't have smelly old perverts groping _me_. Not my job."

"I see," Axel replied noncommittally. _Can we just hurry up and __**go? **__Roxas…_

The others didn't pay any attention to him. Marluxia shot back a concluding reprimand. "Yes, well, I appreciate your religious devotion to my account books, and I'm sorry to have to ask this of you. You _do_ have to admit it doesn't happen often. This is an emergency." A silver eyebrow arched at the dress-clad man, and Marluxia, to Axel's surprise, flushed slightly and snapped an answer to what was evidently an unspoken doubt – "And _no_, it's nothing to do with _him_."

Again leaving his answer wordless, Riku merely shrugged. Axel had no idea what they were talking about, but to his relief, the conversation seemed to be finished. Marluxia turned away, directing Axel with a nod, "Can you just wait out here a second, Axel? I have to grab my purse."

Ignoring the oddity of hearing that statement from a deep, male voice, Axel nodded and returned to the customer side of the bar. He was aware of the accountant named Riku eying him questioningly, but he didn't feel inclined to risk any more delays by starting up a conversation, even if they both clearly had questions the other could answer. Curiosity was a luxury he didn't care much for at the moment. Not when his stomach was a knot of agonized worry.

He needed _Roxas_. Needed, more than anything in the world, to find him and tear him away from every threat. To…to hold him in his arms again and promise to protect him and _not fail him this time_. To kiss him and see him smile again and to never, never let go.

_God…please let him be OK._

~o~


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note:** This isn't really getting posted on AkuRoku Day because it isn't really that kinda chapter. Please to be skipping the first section if Roxas' part in the last chapter bothered you, as this one will bother you more. :P

So in honor of Axel and Marluxia Day (LOL) here's Axel and Marluxia, badass partners in...annoying Reno. Or something, idk. XD

Cameoooooos, yum. :3

_

* * *

Worthless toys deserve to be broken._

Icy cold air crawled over damp skin and Roxas shuddered convulsively. He didn't move, however. Just lay on his stomach, lifeless and empty, glassy eyes staring out at the room without seeing. He didn't even try to curl up and keep warm. There wasn't so much as a sheet to cover himself with, and his body…couldn't move. When the door had finally shut, leaving him alone, he had weakly tried, but…the renewed pain that any attempt at motion brought was far worse than the cold. Especially now. If he moved, the tear might reopen…the bleeding start again…

But those thoughts were only a vague, drifting awareness in the back of his mind. The rest of him was hollow, his only thought a slow, brokenhearted repetition.

_Axel…Axel…Axel…_

For a long time, there were no other thoughts. When another thought finally began, it seemed to intrude from somewhere else, cutting off the endless mantra.

_You've betrayed him. He'll never want to touch your filthy body now. Look at yourself! If he could see this…_

The unwelcome thought and the familiar old voice brought memories with them. And at the first flash of crystal-clear recollection, nausea rolled over Roxas in a powerful wave. Far too powerful…

Right where he lay, Roxas vomited.

The small mess was little more than stomach acid – Roxas hadn't eaten since dinner with Axel, and he had no idea how long it had been since then. When the sudden reaction was over, the weak blond barely managed to shift, turning his head to the other side, to the wall, and scooting slightly away before renewed agony forced him to stop trying to move. Not that he could have escaped…

Memories of hands, pain, _violence_. Memories of a snarled inquisition.

"_The man who has been keeping you. What is your connection to him?"_

Unable to struggle, barely able to think, Roxas had only been able to focus on one thought – _I have to save Axel_. Silence would have been easier, but he forced answers from his choking voice, through his tears and sometimes through screams.

"_None…! He knows…nothing about me, he's not responsible…" _

"_If you dare to lie to me right now, bitch, I promise you…!"_

"_I'm…not! He's nobody! I…was…wandering on the streets…my fault, I…seduced him, I begged…!"_

"_Why __**him?**__"_

"_N-no reason…he was a m-man…I…I tried others, but he was…the first to give in. I j-just wanted a man to…to f-fuck me. Ahhh! N-no…!"_

Pain tearing him apart from the inside out, Roxas couldn't see past his tears, could barely draw in enough air to speak at all, but he had to. _He had to_. He would only have one chance to make sure Xemnas believed him…

"_He…he's just a guy…! Just…n-nobody…!"_

"_He fucked __**my**__ whore."_

"_He…knew…n-nothing! M-my fault, it's m-my fault…mine-ahhh!"_

An endless string of filthy names had been poured into his ears after that, driving the degradation deeper than even the deepest places in his body – soul-deep. But the questions had stopped. Roxas had held onto his mind just long enough to hope that this meant Xemnas believed him…then he'd turned every remaining fragment of thought to surviving the pain.

Because there was nothing else. Not even the faintest trace of pleasure, not even a sliver of twisted arousal…not even after all the years he'd spent doing this. Even conditioned responses didn't help him now, because nothing, _nothing_ could overcome the horror, the absolute _revulsion_ that gripped Roxas, body and soul, as this man dirtied him.

A flicker of detached curiosity whispered now – _I wonder if he'll punish me worse later…because I didn't come for him…_ But it was soon gone. The memories kept replaying, the cruel voice of his attacker reviling him over and over, in harmony now with another voice that whispered in his mind, snaking through the horrible images and horrible words and speaking thoughts of despair, of _you never deserved better than this anyway, this is what you get for getting greedy, you trash._ His heart's longing whisper of _Axel, Axel, Axel_ painted a clear picture in his mind of his lover walking in and lifting him up from this vile bed and taking him away, saving him…until the other voice broke in, drowning that dream out.

_If he walked in now, he'd take one look at you and leave. Can you imagine the disgust he'd look at you with, once he saw what you really are? Can't you see the loathing in those beautiful eyes…?_

And then that dreaded scene was all Roxas _could_ see, because tears spilled form his own eyes and poured down his cheeks, blinding him to everything else but that vision – the most heartbreaking sight he could imagine.

_Don't come…don't look at me…Axel…_

~o~

The cab pulled to a stop in front of a dark building on a narrow side street – nearly an alley – and the dress-clad man beside Axel breathed a murmured sigh of relief. "Thank fuck…Rude's at the door tonight." Marluxia had explained in the cab that the establishment they were going to visit was a closed club of sorts, accessible by appointment only, and he wasn't even sure about gaining access. At Axel's questioning look, he explained, "He used to be on security for me, so he'll let us in. We're in luck, for now." He smiled wryly and led the way from the cab to the recessed doorway, where the guard was posted.

"Boss…what brings you here on a Saturday night?" Confusion lined the bald man's forehead, but his stance was relaxed. _Thank everything,_ Axel thought. Because those biceps under the black T-shirt looked pretty threatening _now_. Flexed…he'd be backing away _fast_ and just hoping that he could disappear quickly enough. Maybe the guy wouldn't be able to see him. _Sunglasses? It's night already!_

"Hey Baby. Just here to have a chat with Reno. How's the new job workin' out?"

A short nod. "It's good, but Reno's busy, you know…"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Marluxia sighed. "I should be at the bar, but I'm afraid it's urgent."

A pause, then the guard slowly shrugged. "I guess it'd have to be. Want me to buzz him up here?"

"Pretty please, Precious," the man smiled slightly as he moved forward again, leaning in briefly and pecking at both the bald man's cheeks quickly. Axel tried not to swallow his tongue in surprise. The scary bald security guard…just turned and opened the door for them, totally unaffected, and then he was reaching for an old phone on the wall and punching quickly as Marluxia let them into the building.

They stopped almost at once, however, and the man sat gracefully on one of the four couches lining the short, empty hallway. Rude finished his muttered conversation and turned back to the door, answering with a short wave when Marluxia called, "Thanks, Baby." Then he was glancing at Axel, nodding to another couch, "Sit down. Could be a minute, if he's busy."

Axel did, with another nervous glance around the short hallway. It was empty and nondescript, except for the couches. The wood paneling and wood floors suggested an abandoned building…thinking of it, it sort of reminded him of that one "whorehouse" he'd visited, digging for leads. An abandoned-looking storefront and empty room…and the owner explaining that the real business was done elsewhere.

"So…what kind of business is this?" He asked, clearing his throat. "I mean…I was expecting another bar…"

Glancing at him, the other man shook his head. "I do things a little differently than Reno. I don't have to be _quite_ as secretive, because _I_ don't break the law. My boys are all legal. Other places though, they might not be. If they do much of _that_ kind of business, it's smart to keep as low a profile as possible. Reno…well, he's still a lot better than _some_ of the other places out there, but he does let kids work here."

"No pre-pubescents though," a deep voice added, the door at the end of the hallway creaking softly as a slender man opened it and sauntered in, smirking slightly. He wore a black silk suit, and it was the first time Axel could think of that he'd seen another man with hair as red as his own. As he and Marluxia stood, the pink-haired boss was shooting the other an arch look. Reno just grinned wider and jerked his head to the door as he beckoned them forward. "Thin walls," he explained, then snorted. "Just up _here_ though."

Axel was about to follow Marluxia through the door when his way was suddenly blocked. A lazy smirk spread over the other redhead's face as hard blue eyes openly examined him. "Well, _hel_-lo, who have we here, Mar? And why the fuck should I let his sexy ass into my establishment?"

The response held an annoyed edge. "He's with me, so obviously he's fine, right? He's involved in what I need to discuss with you. I'll explain in a minute." Marluxia moved as if to continue, question answered.

Reno, however, did _not_ move. Addressing Marluxia, the man continued smirking and letting his eyes roam over Axel. "Oh, you wanted to _talk_, was that it? On a Saturday night? Must be a pretty damn big deal. Though if you brought him to barter with, you should have picked a younger one…"

Tensing, Axel was about to snap a denial at the other redhead when Marluxia spoke first, rolling his eyes. "You're fucking ridiculous sometimes. Now can we hurry? I'm sure you've got things to get back to. I know _I_ certainly do…"

At that, the man finally relented, moving out of Axel's space and allowing him to step forward. Following Marluxia, Axel was struck at once by the sudden change in scenery beyond the door – it was like stepping into a luxurious, five-star hotel. However, he barely had a chance to register carpet and velvet and framed paintings – always of nude males, _always_ erotic or downright explicit – before he jumped, startled by a sudden firm grope on his ass. The owner, following behind him, squeezed again, then patted him before letting go.

"Hey! Cut that…!" Axel was interrupted as he jerked back, the other man suddenly so close Axel was afraid he was about to be kissed or licked or something.

"Easy, Sexy. Even if you're too old for my customers, I wouldn't mind hiring you for some _private_ work. An ass like yours could make my job a _lot_ less stressful…"

He very nearly punched him. The only reason Axel hesitated was because he had a moment of indecision – punch the bastard's lights out or just spit in his face? Fortunately, Marluxia spoke up in that moment.

"Don't deck him, Axel. I _told_ you he's a pain in the ass. Just ignore him. We need his cooperation, remember?" The man's voice was weary and irritated, but it got Axel's attention. He froze. _Roxas. He…he could have dirt on Xemnas. To save Roxas…_

Forcing his fist to unclench, Axel glared but managed not to audibly growl as he very intentionally put some distance between himself and the redheaded…well, pimp, probably. _Sleazy, shit-eating dickhead_. Or just…pimp.

"Pain in the ass?" Reno had turned to Marluxia, and as he walked past the other man to lead the way, the adult male very childishly stuck out his tongue. "Bullshit, Mar. I didn't hurt you one bit and you know it." Now it was Marluxia's turn to be harassed, Reno's hand jumping out and punctuating his words with a small slap to the rear of the other man's dress. Marluxia, however, didn't even blink – just punched the redhead's bicep none too lightly. "Ow! Shit…forgot you only _dress_ like a woman…" Reno grumbled, rubbing his arm as he opened a door and led the way into an office that was rather bare, especially in comparison to the ornate hallway. Reno directed them to sit down. _Does that have something to do with why Reno owes him…?_ Axel bit his tongue, however, since the two men's sexual relations were really none of his business. _Doesn't matter __**why**__ he helps, as long as he __**helps**__._

Marluxia, clearly not exaggerating his desire to get back to his bar, got right to the point. Axel stayed quiet and let the other man explain. And Marluxia was direct – "We're looking to put Xemnas away." An eyebrow arched at him, and Marluxia nodded. "I thought you'd know him."

The grin finally vanishing, the pimp flopped into a chair behind the desk. Shrugging one shoulder, Reno grunted, "Yeah, I know the name, yo. And I hear enough to know that you've given yourself a tough job there. What for?"

Axel almost jumped in, not wanting to let this other guy know everything about himself and Roxas, but Marluxia answered swiftly. And apparently the man shared Luxord's opinion, because he outlined a story about Roxas being Axel's cousin, now captured and abused by Xemnas. "And the cops are no good. Big surprise."

That seemed to be a statement Reno wholeheartedly agreed with, though the man only snorted contemptuously and nodded. Axel was already thanking all the fates that Marluxia was helping him, because the man certainly seemed to know the right things to say with Reno. The sleazy bastard was becoming much more business-like, and he was definitely listening. Axel wasn't sure he'd have gotten even _that_ far on his own.

"So you're after some dirt. What makes you think that'll work? If the cops are under his thumb…"

A moment of pause. Axel had explained all the details to Marluxia, but the full truth involved revealing the fact that Axel was a reporter…

"He's got a connection." The pink head nodded briefly toward him. "It'll work. All he needs is concrete proof of a law broken, something that'll hold up in court. Then he goes and does his thing."

Blue eyes narrowed, examining Axel. "So it's really more _his_ problem then." The corner of that mouth twitched, the smirk just beginning to return. Marluxia, however, cut off whatever exploitative and lecherous thought Reno was thinking.

"It's mostly his deal, but I'm involved. His cousin was one of my boys, and I owe the kid one. Plus, I blacklisted that bastard two years ago, but he's still sending agents after my employees. I'd like to see this work."

Contemplating this, Reno nodded slowly. "So…you're asking if I have any proof he's done some illegal shit." He stilled a moment, thinking, as Marluxia and Axel nodded. Then, eyes narrowing again, Reno asked, "What makes you think I'd risk telling you even if I did? He's not someone I'm likely to double-cross for no reason, yo…"

But Marluxia's eyes were just as narrow, his voice carrying a hard edge. "You owe me."

"Yeah, but something like that…" The wheedling, evasive answer trailed off.

"Something like _Rude_? He's worth your _dick_ five times over. You'd be getting off easy if I let you make it up by proving something against Xemnas, even with the risk." The redhead's face soured, a sullen glare at Marluxia his only answer for a moment. "And you know it," the man finished, uncompromising as he sat back and crossed his legs, glaring right back.

_Rude? The security guy? _Axel was listening, but realizing that there was a lot more being discussed here than he had the background knowledge to follow. _So…I guess it wasn't about the sex? Maybe that was something else…_

The redheaded pimp glared a moment longer, but when that didn't faze Marluxia, he huffed. "Fine." Then, rolling his eyes, the man grumbled, "You sure can _bitch_ like a woman…"

"So what can you tell us?" Marluxia flipped pink hair over a shoulder and ignored the intended insult. Again, Axel was glad he wasn't here alone. _Nothing_ about Reno seemed to bother this guy, while Axel probably would have punched him and walked out at least twice by now. The whorehouse boss wasn't impressive to look at – not in those ridiculous dresses – but Axel was beginning to feel a lot of respect for the man's people skills.

Eyes rolling back in thought, Reno stared at the ceiling, thinking. "Xemnas…let's see. Mostly there's just the rumors…like, he's untouchable so use your own muscle if you have to, keep him away from your pretty little boys, all that shit. He used to come here, though…dunno how long ago. It's been a while. Had to ban him. Can't remember…ah, hell, come on. I gotta check this."

The lanky man stood quickly, beckoning Axel and Marluxia to follow, and led the way back into the hallway. They followed their host further into the building, then he abruptly opened a new door, leading to another far less luxurious area. Actually, as Axel glanced around, the room itself was pretty bare, but the chaos of apparel and accessories everywhere provided a whole new kind of decoration.

It was obvious with once glance that this was a dressing room. Though, if the people who worked here were going to be wearing and using stuff like _this…_ Axel turned his eyes away and refused to imagine any of it.

Reno led the way to one wall, which was occupied by a massive bulletin board. Some of the space was taken up by what looked like a schedule, but much of the rest of it was pictures, each with a caption. Scanning the faces, the boss pointed suddenly.

"Here. There he is. Dated…about a year and a half ago. He was banned for…ah, yeah. 'Excessive damage.' One concussion, one cracked rib, and he dislocated an arm on another kid. Three strikes, he's out." Reno turned back to them as he stopped reading off the caption, and with a nod, he headed back for the door, leading his guests back to his office with a quick explanation. "They'll need this room soon. Come on."

"Fucking Christ," Marluxia breathed as they followed the man back down the hall. "Just _one_ of _those_ kinds of strikes and he'd never see the inside of my place _again_."

Axel was startled when Reno glanced back, apparently overhearing, and answered with a sneer, "Well, as you're always so fond of pointing out, Princess, we don't run on the same rules, you and me. Not everyone has the luxury of being a premier establishment." As he was speaking, a young man in street clothes with a remarkable tattoo on his face passed them in the hallway, headed for the dressing room. Reno paused, then called back to the man as he continued, "Hey, Zell? Where's the quiet little newbie?"

"Oh, Mousey?" The blond called back, pausing with the door open. "Not sure. Why?"

"Can you find him for me and bring him up to my office, if you got a minute?"

"Sure. He's probably just hiding under a table or chair or something again."

"Thanks." With that, Axel and Marluxia were ushered back into the sparse office, Reno returning to the subject without delay. "So yeah, he's banned or blacklisted or whatever you wanna call it, and I haven't had anything to do with him directly since then. From what I hear, he's got himself a rep at most of our kinds of places by now. Anybody with standards has probably had to kick him out, but I don't think that'll help you. Lawyers and government fuckers aren't too concerned with _scum_ like us, so it's not hard to fuck us over…" the redhead smirked to himself briefly, "…ah, heh, without breaking any laws."

"Yeah," Marluxia agreed, "I've explained as much to Axel here. And I'm afraid dirtying his public image isn't gonna help the victim."

"I know, I know. That's what I'm workin' on." Axel watched Marluxia give the pimp a questioning look, his own stomach fluttering hopefully at the idea that Reno even _had_ any leads. The other redhead answered his colleague's unspoken question. "I have this kid – new, only been here a few weeks – that I got from another guy in the business. I can't say for sure yet, but I kinda suspect he's connected to Xemnas."

"What do you mean 'connected'?" Axel blurted out before he could think. "How? What makes you think so?"

Blue eyes glanced over at him, widening slightly as if Reno had forgotten he was there. Then, a slow grin spread over the man's face, and Axel silently kicked himself. _I should just leave the __**talking**__ to the guy who gets serious __**answers**__ and not open my mouth around handsy __**perverts**__. Damn._

Sure enough, the businesslike tone was instantly replaced with a low, insinuating purr. "Well now, Sexy, I'd be glad to explain _all_ the details for ya – would _really _hate for you to be worried about your…cousin, was it? Though…" The man wore a mocking expression of deep thought, "I can't just _give away_ all that personal information about one of my employees. I could maybe _trade_ it though…wouldn't mind learning a few _personal_ things about _you_…" Pale blue eyes were positively _glittering_ with mischief by now, when Marluxia interrupted, cutting off both Reno's insinuations and Axel's immanent explosion of outrage.

"Shut up, Reno. I told you, he's not on the market. And you're paying _me_ back for the shit you pulled with Rude, so you don't get to make demands this time."

"_Uuu__**ugh**__!_" Reno moaned dramatically, slumping in annoyance. "You are _so. Boring!_ Can you at least let me _flirt_ with him? You bring a motherfucking _Adonis_ up in here just to _tease_ me, and then…"

The pink-haired man talked right over Reno's whining. "He's not into your flirting, dickhead, so quit being a drama queen and quit _wasting time_."

"Fuck," Reno grumbled once.

"_So._" Marluxia ignored the pouting. "What's this possible connection you were talking about?"

With a final huff, Reno returned to business, still somewhat sullenly. "The kid. OK. So I got him from this other guy in a trade. It was _supposed_ to be a mutually beneficial kinda thing. Then I actually _get_ the kid and get him started, and it turns out the asshole cheated me. The kid isn't broken in all the way."

Axel was sure his cluelessness was obvious on his face, but he wasn't planning to open his mouth again to actually _ask_. He hoped maybe Marluxia could fill him in after everything was figured out…but apparently Reno could tell that one of his listeners was lost. He glanced at Axel – _without_ a leer, for once – and explained.

"It's a bondage thing. That's the biggest part of what we do here. My boys all have to be trained for it, though I probably don't have the same _standards_ as _some_ Royal Places." A sidelong glare at Marluxia, who ignored the jab. "But most of the time they choose this. They might not have many other _options_, but they at least consent. I _do_ try to make sure my boys come by their training of their own choice, at least. Though I have a few who didn't, unfortunately."

_Oh dear God…_ Axel had a strong feeling – reporter's instinct, perhaps – that he was going to be horrified in a minute.

"See, some of them aren't exactly willing when they get trained. Not that _I_ do that here, but they come to me from other masters, maybe guys who forced them, like it or not. But if they're working for _me, _even if they weren't willingly trained, they're OK with it _now_, see?"

"Uh…" Axel didn't see. He didn't see at _all_. He had no idea how _eventual_ consent balanced out the horror of some poor boy being raped and tortured until he was just too _used_ to rape and torture to care anymore.

Reno sighed. "It's just that some other places _don't_ give a shit, and they might have boys in their public shows or for private use who still, uh, don't consent. At all."

His stomach was a block of ice. "Do you mean to say there are places that use _real rape_ for _entertainment?_" The idea was so far beyond anything he'd imagined of the sex industry that Axel simply couldn't process it.

A quick defense came from the redheaded pimp. "Not _here!_ That's what I'm saying. I can't always control where my kids come from, but I don't have that kind of show here. And I _try_ to make sure all my kids want this job, but even if they didn't originally, I make sure they're in their right minds and clear about choosing it _now_ before I let them work for me."

Unable to answer, Axel dimly heard Marluxia asking, "And that's the problem this time, I'm guessing?"

"Right," Reno turned his attention back to the other man. "I took on this kid's contract – he's a debt case – and then find out that whoever trained him wasn't worried about shit like _consent_, and what's more, either they did a half-assed job, or they didn't _finish_, or he's just tough as nails under that baby face and somehow managed to stick to his original feelings on the whole thing. Point is – he doesn't accept this career. So I've got to figure out how to get my money out of him when he won't take any kind of work _I_ have for him. And…I guess I'm gonna have to sell his contract off to someone else, but…you know? I know what they'll have him do, and it's as bad as doing it to him myself, isn't it?"

Marluxia nodded slightly. "I can see your moral dilemma. Nice to know you _have_ those." He shot a narrow-eyed glare at the redhead, but Reno just stuck his tongue out again. "So what makes you think he's connected to Xemnas?" Marluxia asked.

Reno paused. "Well…like I said, I don't know. The kid – you'll see him, if Zell ever finds him – he doesn't talk much. But the guy I got him from is…well, _his_ standards make mine look pretty stiff. You've probably never associated with him, Princess, not with the fine establishment you're running." Reno's sarcasm elicited an eye roll from Marluxia, but the man didn't interrupt. "It's just…he knows what he's doing. If he trained the kid, there wouldn't be an ounce of him left in there. Nothin' but a shell, a brainless sex doll. But if he got him from an amateur and didn't have time to finish someone else's botched job…I could see that."

"And you just got him recently?" Marluxia confirmed. "You think Xemnas has decided to try his hand at training his own toys?"

Shrugging, Reno answered, "Well, he could have. If he ran out of whorehouses to play in… And you banned him what? Two years ago? And it was a year and a half ago here. If he pulls the same shit everywhere he goes, I'd bet that most of the other houses with rules would have to do the same pretty soon. He could play at a few of the _real_ pig holes for a while, but you get bored with the same sluts all the time, right? Maybe he's picking his own harem out now. He's fucking rich enough for one."

"And this one…what? Didn't work?"

"Maybe. Maybe he got sick of him and tossed him off on someone else. Maybe the guy I got him from didn't know about the unfinished training…or maybe he knew and he didn't care. But I wanna check with the kid now. See if the name Xemnas gets a reaction at all. Because whoever trained him…well. They were…rough. Really rough. And that seems to be a pattern with Xemnas, right?"

Once again horrified enough to forget his vow of silence, Axel choked, "What do you mean, rough? How do you know?"

Blue eyes glanced at him, but they didn't turn sly or leering this time. They were serious…somber, even. "I can tell, Sexy. This kid's got scars that shouldn't be there, and he doesn't fucking _talk_. I work in fucking S&M, and I don't really wanna think about the kind of abuse he's probably been through." He sighed. "Really, it's almost worse that he _didn't_ crack and lose his mind from it. If he had, he wouldn't care anymore…as it is, the poor thing goes around like he's fucking _haunted_, even though nobody here hurts him or bothers him. It's just…sad."

Again, when Axel couldn't think of a thing to say, Marluxia spoke up. "He stays here with you, then?"

Nodding, Reno explained, "Yeah, he's got no place to go. I was gonna find him a little room or something, but he hid in the attic as soon as he got here, and he didn't seem to wanna leave, so I let him have it. He didn't come down at all until recently, and he still just hides all the time. He's…"

A knock interrupted, and all three men swiveled toward the door. "Finally…" Reno grumbled, getting up to let the new arrivals in.

Axel watched as two people entered the room – one was the young man from the hallway, gently ushering forward a skinny boy. "Come on, it's OK…" He was softly murmuring, encouraging the boy's hesitant steps and directing him toward Reno. The boy trembled when a gentle hand touched his shoulder. Reno seemed content to leave the contact at that.

The boy, who looked young to Axel, was thin and dressed in oversized sweats and a T-shirt that looked like a gown on him. His chocolate brown hair was messy, sticking up every which way as he shuffled into the room, cringing in fear in front of the strangers. It was a pitiful sight, and combined with what he'd just heard…it was breaking Axel's heart. But the real killer hit him when the boy looked up, nervous eyes meeting his…nervous eyes the color of the ocean, of the sky at twilight, of…of blue so incredibly deep he didn't know what to do with it. Blue that he could do nothing but stare into…just like…

_Roxas._

"Gentlemen, Marluxia," Reno announced softly, obviously trying not to startle the boy, "this is Sora."

~o~


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: **"What are they doing now?"

"Goddamn, I'm getting so _sick_ of answering that question! ...OK look. They're just standing there, and talking, OK? That's all they're doing. That's all they _ever _do, is just stand there, and talk. That's what they were doing last _week_. That's what they were doing when you asked me _five minutes ago_. So five minutes from _now_, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be, they're still just talking, and they're _still __just standing there__!_"

"...What are they talking about?"

"... ... ... ...You know what? I fuckin hate you."

(LMFAO yeah random reference, _who gets it, eh?_) XD

* * *

The others were still talking. Reno was saying something to the guy called Zell, who was crouching in front of the little brunet and giving him a reassuring pat on the head and a smile before he turned to go. Marluxia wasn't talking at the moment – probably just observing with sharp eyes – but Axel wouldn't have noticed even if he was. For a few moments, there was nothing else in the world but deep blue eyes that were so familiar in their fear and emptiness that he could barely breathe.

The boy – Sora – was shrinking toward Reno, his gaze flickering from Axel to Marluxia and back, distrust as clear as day in his posture and expression. But all Axel could see were the lines of sorrow around those blue eyes, so familiar, so like the twisted agony of another pair of blue eyes…on a night when he held a boy who could only cry until he passed out from exhaustion.

And the haunted look. Maybe there were different agonies behind it, but it was there. Reno hadn't been exaggerating. "Haunted" was the perfect word for the expression that had become so familiar to him after Roxas' sister had died – haunted and empty and hopeless, just like these eyes right now. So familiar, so like the obvious pain that had torn at his heart until had given up all his preconceived notions and just admitted to himself that he wanted to spend the rest of his life taking the pain out of those beautiful blue eyes.

It wasn't Roxas. He knew that. But it was a far-too-clear reminder of the pain Roxas had been through. And now, after he'd finally begun to see real happiness in his lover's eyes, Roxas was _gone, taken_, and the hard lump of dread in his stomach just _knew_ that the eyes he loved would be looking like this right now – filled with fear and pain. Beyond Axel's reach. Imprisoned somewhere, in the hands of that filthy bastard, where he couldn't hold him and kiss him and drive the haunted misery from his eyes and instead coax forth that soft, hesitant look of affection he treasured so much…

Not yet anyway.

He would, though. Axel didn't care what he had to do. He _would_ save Roxas. But right now, something inside him wanted to confirm that. Wanted to feel like he _could_ make a difference. Because the way this search was going so far, he was constantly being reminded of his uselessness, and it was beginning to make him doubt how much he could really help Roxas.

And…there was Sora. This terribly abused little boy with Roxas' eyes and Roxas' fears. If Axel could help _him_ in the meantime…

"Sora?" Reno was speaking gently to the boy again as Zell shut the door, departing. The deep, wide blues looked up nervously at the tall redhead. "Sora, this is Marluxia. He's a friend of mine. And this is Axel. He's Marluxia's friend. They don't want to hurt you, OK? We were just having a talk, and we wanted to see if you could help us figure some things out, OK? You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." The man gently rubbed the skinny shoulder, trying to reassure the boy. "Is that all right with you?" Reno asked.

Slowly, Sora nodded. He looked back at Axel and Marluxia again, his eyes a little less afraid. The haunted look was still there, but Axel could tell that the immediate terror was gone. _The kid must have been expecting something horrible…_ Axel didn't want to imagine what threatening ideas had been scaring Sora. Somehow, he guessed that they were things no kid his age should even know about.

Marluxia leaned carefully forward, smiling sweetly, mimicking Reno's gentle tone. "Hi Sora," he began. "How are you tonight? Are you liking it here at Reno's place?"

The kid shrank back slightly against Reno's stomach, but listened. Marluxia waited for an answer, and Sora slowly glanced up at the pimp, who smiled and patted his shoulder again. Bringing blue eyes back to Marluxia with a brief glance over at Axel, the boy nodded once. The man in the flowered dress smiled encouragingly.

"That's good. I'm glad to hear it. You just let me know if Reno ever gets to be too annoying for you, OK? I'll come over and kick his ass for ya, how about that?"

The boy blinked once, a brief flicker lighting his eyes – not quite a smile, but something much less unhappy seemed to flit over his face for that moment. Again, he slowly nodded after a moment. Marluxia smiled again and continued with his soft-voiced explanation.

"Good. Now then, we were just talking to Reno here about somebody we know. You see, I run a bar, a very _nice_ bar, and I had this boy who worked for me. Axel here is that boy's cousin. But we're worried about him now, because he disappeared, and we're trying to find him. If you can help us a little, maybe we can get him back. You could help us save him, like a hero. Think you can try to do that?"

Now there was a _definite _spark of a new emotion in those blue eyes. Sora blinked again, relaxing away from Reno slightly as his expression became…curious. He nodded more quickly this time, too. Axel was again impressed by Marluxia – and Reno, if he _had_ to admit it – after seeing how well they were handling this poor child. It was a surprise, like finding out some big body builder has a soft spot for kittens or something – Axel hadn't expected hardened gay pimps to be good with kids. Luck was on his side once again, because while Axel wasn't _bad_ with kids, he sure as hell wouldn't have been able to come up with much to say when confronted with this kind of abuse. And that probably would have hurt his chances of earning Sora's trust.

_Maybe it's easier to act natural around this when you've already seen it all,_ Axel mused. _It's probably easier to be sympathetic when you're not so shocked…_

Marluxia was continuing again, his voice even softer and kinder than before. "All right, Baby. Can you tell me one thing then?" He waited for a final nod of confirmation, then asked, "Have you ever met a man named Xemnas?"

Axel had no idea what to think of Sora's reaction, but it made his skin crawl. For one long heartbeat, pure terror washed over that delicate face, starting in blue eyes that went impossibly wide and spreading in a chalky pallor over the rest of his face as Sora shuddered once…then went still. All emotion vanished. Suddenly, it was almost hard to believe Axel ever _had_ seen emotion in that corpse-like face.

Because Sora suddenly looked dead. Frozen and blank and white. Axel tensed, nearly jumping up, fearing the kid had had a heart attack or something and just flat out died right there.

The next moment, Reno's hands were catching under the thin arms, holding up dead weight as Sora collapsed. Not like a faint. Like a cooked noodle set on end and then released. He would have crumpled into a pile at Reno's feet if the man hadn't been strong enough and quick enough to catch him. Axel's eyes widened in shock as Reno cussed under his breath and shifted, sidling toward his chair and sitting down, setting the lifeless boy on his lap.

"I guess that's our answer," Marluxia murmured, a concerned crease between his brows.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't always right," Reno grumbled, reaching for the phone on his desk as Axel raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him and Marluxia just rolled his eyes. Reno began shifting the boy on his lap as he dialed, evidently calling one of his employees elsewhere in the building and asking them to bring up some smelling salts. While he talked, Axel stared at the figure of the boy, still blank-faced and broken looking. Like a discarded doll…

"What the hell happened to him?" Axel breathed, horrified.

Marluxia glanced over, hearing him, and shrugged. "We're probably better off not knowing. I know _I_ don't feel too curious."

Shaking his head slowly, Axel kept his eyes fixed on the boy. _Still years away from being an adult…and to have suffered so much already… And…his future…_

"What's _going_ to happen to him?" Green eyes broke away from the boy Reno held, finally, looking to the whorehouse boss as Axel asked a question he wasn't even sure he could accept the answer to.

Marluxia sighed. "Since Reno can't use him…I dunno." The man shook his head briefly. "I can't even blame him for it. He took on an IOU, and it's just business, getting the money out of the kid. But if the kid won't work, and Reno can't get him to cooperate, then there's nothing he can do but…sell the contract off to someone else."

"So he can be _raped?_" Axel kept his voice low, but it was thin with strain.

Marluxia didn't look happy, but he didn't look shocked like Axel was either. "That's pretty much his best option…"

Green eyes peeled back even wider, unable to grasp this. "_What?_" Axel whispered.

"Look, Axel," Marluxia glanced at him sharply before returning his gaze to the boy in Reno's lap, "he's got a debt. I dunno how he got it or if it was his fault at all – probably not – but it's not a bank loan, OK? It probably started with a loan shark, and it's probably a lot of money. And banks don't buy up these kinds of debts, which leaves only a few types of people who _do_. After all your possessions are gone, you got nothin' left but your body. And you're better off getting dumped on a whorehouse or a pimp with a chance at staying alive and earning your way free. You can keep going and rebuild your life someday, as long as you're alive. But you won't survive having all your organs cut out and sold, and that's pretty much the alternative." Marluxia paused to glance at Axel again. "So which is worse? Because Reno could always get his money back _that_ way…"

Axel felt sick. He clamped his mouth shut and swallowed heavily…then did it again. He wasn't going to think about this kid getting murdered like that. But he still couldn't accept the idea of him facing years of endless _rape_, either. Not when he'd stood by while…while Roxas was… Not when _right this minute_, Roxas might be…

"Isn't there any other way?" He mumbled hopelessly into his hands.

Marluxia just shrugged. "He could come around to the idea of selling himself. Would make things a hell of a lot easier for him, especially if he accepted it before Reno had to send him to one of the fucking hellholes he's likely headed to. But from what I'm seeing," he nodded toward the catatonic boy, "I'm guessing that's not likely. Too bad. He'd be taken care of here." Then the man huffed, mumbling, "Well, _sort of_. Fucking cracked ribs only get a slap on the wrist? Not in _my_ place…"

Mind latching on to the half-formed gripe, Axel sat up straighter. "Could _you_ take him then? If he worked for you, he wouldn't get hurt…"

The man flipped pink hair over his shoulder, shooting Axel a _Look_. "And then what would _I_ do with him? I've got as much use for him as Reno does unless he changes his mind about the job, and I'm not running a charity. I can't go around buying kids' freedom for nothing. I've got my bar and my own boys to watch out for."

Hanging up the phone and apparently overhearing, Reno spoke up, smirking, "Oh, 'not running a charity' huh? Got time to criticize other people's methods, but no time to lift a finger to help, is that it?" In response to Marluxia's glare, Reno just stuck out his tongue. "Aww, come on. Didn't you need an accountant or something like that?"

"I have one now."

"Hmm. Well, maybe he needs an assistant? Or the janitors could use some help? Maybe if he cleaned rooms for two lifetimes you could break even…"

"Cut the bullshit. You know I can't take him."

Reno finally sobered, nodding. "I know. It's too bad, but…not much anyone can do."

Without thinking, Axel was asking, "What about me? If I paid his debt off…?"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. Reno's weary voice cut him off instantly. "One hundred and seventy-four thousand dollars. You got that much? Gonna write me a check for it right now?" Axel's white, stiff face seemed to be answer enough. "Didn't think so. Hell, I'm gonna have a hard time unloading him onto a whorehouse. It'll take a while to get that much out of him. Lucky for him he's still young, or he wouldn't have time."

The room was silent a moment – Reno and Marluxia resigned, Axel just plain speechless – before there was a quick knock on the door. The young man called Zell entered again, heading at once for Sora while he unscrewed the cap on a small medicine bottle.

"I brought the eucalyptus one. He likes the way it smells," the man explained wryly as he crouched to help revive Sora.

Another look at that blank face, and Axel's struggle to accept Sora's fate went out the window. He turned to Marluxia, voice low again, "Please…there has to be something you can do. Even if it's just cleaning rooms like he said…just…give the kid a chance? Your place is supposed to be the nicest…he might not mind, even if he had to…" _Hell, I can't believe what I'm saying._ Axel shoved that thought aside. _I can't __**accept**__ what's going to happen to him otherwise._ "Please? You said you'd help…"

But he was cut off there. "I said I'd help for _Roxie_. Coming out _here_ on a Saturday _night_ and talking to _Reno_ is doing just that. I promised him I'd help him if he ever needed it, but Roxie does _not_ need me to shell out nearly two hundred thousand bucks for some _kid_."

Even more desperate, Axel kept pushing. "Then…as a favor for me? Just find him a place? I'll make it up to you somehow, I promise…" _I'll never sleep at night if I __**know**__…if eyes like these have to face horrors like that…_

"There's no way in fuck any kind of personal favor could be worth that kind of…" Marluxia stopped in the middle of what he was saying, blinking suddenly. Sharp eyes shot over to Axel, focusing hard and examining him as if the man had never really _looked_ at him before. Then, he slowly sat back.

"What?" Axel's reporter's instinct was giving him a hopeful feeling, but he wasn't sure… A murmur from across the room drew his attention for a moment as Sora started to come around, Zell talking softly to comfort him. The kid looked…distressed again. But Axel's attention was drawn back to Marluxia when the man started muttering under his breath.

"Have to see about that…it might…no, it _would_ work, done right, but…hell." Another sharp glance. Axel blinked, then leaned in slightly to whisper, trying not to interrupt Zell's efforts to bring Sora back to consciousness as gently as possible.

"What are you talking about? What would work? Because I'll do anything I can if you could help him…"

Long fingernails flashed dark red in front of his face as Marluxia waved him into silence. "Not now. I'll think about it. Decide the value… But you!" Eyes locked with Axel's, making his point felt. "You better make sure you mean that 'anything,' because it's no small deal, and if you back out on me, it'll be the cash instead."

Mind pulling up short for a second, Axel re-thought his promise…and who he was making it to. _Guys like him, in a world like this…what kind of things might he want me to do? _He hesitated, then met the other man's eyes again. "I won't kill anybody."

Marluxia waved that off immediately. "Don't be an idiot. Nothing like that."

_OK then…_ "I won't cheat on Roxas."

This time, the other man paused. A slow flicker of amusement lit his eyes, but his face was serious. "I don't want to see Roxie hurt any more than you do. If he can't accept something, I won't make you do it." He seemed to think again, briefly. "I wouldn't go selling your ass behind his back, if that's what you're worried about."

Axel had not quite been thinking of anything _that_ bad. "No, I…" he began, only to be stopped, both his and Marluxia's attention being drawn back to the other occupants of the room. Zell was again departing, giving Sora a final pat on the head as Reno settled him more comfortably in his lap. The boy still looked nervous, but he was accepting the position, maybe even clinging to the other man for support. The older pimp was almost returning the gesture, too – his arms around the boy were a little more than supporting him. Comforting. His voice was calm and soft again, too.

"You want your own chair, kiddo? You're kinda big for my lap, yo…" The gentle teasing seemed to relax the boy a little, but Sora still shook his head and clung tightly to Reno.

"Sora," Marluxia leaned forward slightly, his expression apologetic, "I'm sorry to upset you so much, Honey. Are you OK?" The boy seemed to tense slightly, eyes tormented and distrustful, and it was a long moment before he nodded. Marluxia sighed. "You're safe from him now, Baby. He's not here, and we don't like him. Axel's cousin…he's probably…going through something like what happened to you. We want to save him, and make the bad guy stop hurting people…"

"You know, Mar," Reno cut in, voice exaggeratedly bored, "he's not _five_. He's nervous and he's seen hell, but he's not stupid." Deep blue eyes turned to blink at Reno blankly.

The man's answer was testy. "I can _see_ he's an adolescent, but he still looks very young, and we have no idea how long it's been since he was allowed to develop normally…"

Reno again stopped the other man short. "He's at least sixteen." Marluxia actually blinked at that, eyebrows going up. Axel's reaction was similar. The boy was so…_small_ for that age. "He might even be seventeen. He's tiny, but he told me his name, once. His voice has completely finished changing. He's not as young as he looks."

"All right then." Marluxia turned to face Sora again, who had been looking back and forth between the two men. "I'm sorry Sora. I just don't want to frighten you like before. I know it's been hard for you." The statement didn't require an answer, but Marluxia paused to give Sora a chance to respond, if he wished. Nibbling slightly at his lip, the boy glanced back at Reno again, then once at Axel. The hesitation and uncertainty in those eyes hit him in the gut, a fresh punch of pain, a fresh reminder of Roxas. Roxas, trying to figure out how to love him, how to tell Axel his feelings… Then Sora was looking to Marluxia again, briefly, before ducking his head. A faint murmur reached Axel – too soft to understand the words, but definitely of a lower timbre than a child's voice.

Reno listened, then looked up. "He says, 'Don't say his name. Don't ask what he did.' Don't worry, kiddo." Reno patted the thin back gently. "Nobody's gonna make you relive that. Don't even think about it." They didn't need to know anyway. Sora was implying that Xemnas was the one who had abused him. That was enough for them. They were on the right track. All Axel needed was the details to follow, to know where to go from here.

Reno continued after a pause, still gently rubbing circles on the boy's back, between his shoulder blades. "So, was he before Vinnie? Or were there others in between?" A swift shake of Sora's head. "Just him, then Vinnie, and now me?" The boy nodded.

"What about before him, Baby?" Marluxia joined in. "How did you end up…that is, what happened? Where'd your debt come from?"

Blue eyes blinked curiously at the man, then switched to Reno, still carrying the question. Axel watched, interested. That wasn't exactly a look he'd been expecting. He was pretty good at reading people – better than most, he'd been told – but that look was just…almost clueless. Like Sora had no idea what they were talking about. _Doesn't he though? How else would he have ended up in Xemnas' power?_

The boy was slowly shaking his head, shrugging once, which either meant he had no idea how the debt came about…or he didn't know there _was_ one. Reno and Marluxia seemed to be catching the look as well, because they both frowned, and Reno clarified, "Did you know about your debt, kiddo? Did you know that your contract is for a hundred and seventy-four thousand dollars?"

The sum of money didn't have the effect Axel had expected. _He_ would have panicked, much like he sort of had the first time he'd heard the sum, and it hadn't been _his_ _own_ debt. But Sora didn't even blink. Not in shock, anyway. There was a sudden alertness in those blue eyes, maybe even a _hope_. He stared at Reno, then slowly pointed from himself to the pimp, and Axel heard the low whisper. It was one word, and he could just understand it.

"Money?"

Sora motioned between them again, and Reno cautiously nodded. "Yeah. I got your contract from Vinnie, yo. You only have to stay with me until you're all paid up. Then you're free. Nobody can hold you anymore."

The boy's eyes widened, lungs expanding as he drew in a deep breath. All of a sudden, he'd pushed himself out of Reno's lap and stood up. Taking a few steps away, Sora turned back suddenly, eyes darting from Reno to Marluxia to Axel and back. Like he couldn't believe it. Like he really, really wanted it. Axel felt sick as he realized that whatever the boy had _thought_ his condition was must have been even worse than this. Something so horrid that it made a massive debt to a pimp seem like the first light the kid had ever seen in the black tunnel of his life.

Blue eyes were darting back and forth now, thinking fast. Marluxia was frowning even deeper, and his voice when he addressed Reno was more than a little scandalized. "Reno, didn't you ever _explain_ any of this to him? Why the _fuck_ does he look like this is his first time hearing about it?"

The other pimp immediately turned defensive and annoyed. "Well sor-_ry_. I'm pretty fucking busy around here, OK? And the boys always fucking _know_ how they got where they are. I don't pry into their personal lives, yo!"

"Well, _I_ always have a sit-down with a new recruit and make sure he knows what the terms are and all my policies and it's a damn good thing to do, maybe you should _try_ it!"

"Listen, Princess…" Reno snarled, obviously stung by the implication that, again, Marluxia's bar was "better" than his…establishment. But he didn't get to finish. Sora took one abortive step forward, not heeding the argument at all. The boy had a hand at his throat, nervously rubbing, but half the fear was gone from those blue eyes. The haunted look was still there, hiding, making Axel's gut churn, but something stronger than fear was pushing Sora now.

"I…I…!" The boy struggled to force words out in a shaking tenor. Reno was right – he was older than he looked. "I thought…that…I was just a slave. _He_ said…I was his slave…I thought…always be a slave, forever. I c-can…someday?"

Reno looked at the boy, anger draining away, replaced by concern. "Yeah. Right now you owe me the money, because I took on your debt. If you'll work for me, you can pay me back in a few years, probably, and then you got your life back, kiddo."

Shrinking back a little again, Sora asked, "Work…s-sex?"

Reno sighed. "Sorry, yo. That's what I _do_ here. It's your fastest and best way out."

Sora was pulling back again, arms wrapped around his torso…folding in on himself. Then he paused. "What…debt? Wh-why do I have…a debt?"

Axel watched Reno and Marluxia glance at each other silently. The man in the dress uncrossed his legs, leaning forward a little. "Don't you know, Baby?" Sora just shook his head. "Then…why was he keeping you? How did you get there?"

Blue eyes seemed to darken…or maybe it was just the added contrast as Sora's face paled. For a second, Axel was worried that it was going to be a repeat of the boy's reaction when he'd heard Xemnas' name. It wasn't…not quite. But it was close.

Sora's eyes went empty. His face went blank. But, rather than collapsing, he remained awake, folding in on himself some more until he had sunk to the floor, crouching, arms around his knees. Staring blankly at the floor, the boy just shook his head. When Marluxia gently repeated the question, the response was the same. It seemed that Sora wouldn't – or couldn't – tell them what had happened to him.

Reno scowled, rubbing his eyebrows with an exhaled, "Shit." Axel barely glanced at him before looking back to Sora. Marluxia was saying something to Reno now, but Axel was having a hard time focusing on their conversation anymore. Sora had stopped listening, huddled on the floor like that, and it just…hurt to see it. Maybe Axel should have been paying more attention to what the two pimps were discussing – it was more relevant to his search for Roxas, after all. But maybe he just…couldn't quite ignore Sora's pain like that, just because the boy had obviously said all he was going to say. And this time, it didn't have all that much to do with the way Sora reminded him of Roxas. He didn't feel quite the same way. With Roxas, he wanted to take away the hurt and then be the one to make him smile forever. But Axel knew he couldn't be that person to Sora. He just…hoped someone else would be. And at the very least, he wanted to help Sora get free so the kid would have a _chance._

Only half-hearing Marluxia once again reminding Reno about his debt over Rude, Axel stood up slowly. With a few careful paces, he crossed the space between himself and Sora. Some of the blankness faded from those blue eyes as Axel came near, replaced instead with nervousness. The reporter hesitated, not wanting to scare the kid. Then, making his decision, Axel slowly sat down on the floor next to the huddled boy. He didn't touch him. He didn't think Sora would understand. So Axel just…sat there next to him.

Reno was flat-out arguing with Marluxia now, making a very big deal about _Saturday night _and just how busy he was. Axel listened a little, glancing at Sora out of the corner of his eyes once in a while. Gradually, as Axel stayed put and didn't move to touch him, Sora's tension began to leak away. When Axel finally dared a longer look, examining the boy's face, the blankness was almost gone. He was just…quiet. And sad.

"Vinnie's shows have started by now anyway! There's no way in _hell_ he'd even come upstairs to talk, not for a _second._ One of his goons would beat me up just for trying! But if it was earlier in the evening, like tomorrow…"

Axel stopping listening to Reno's ranting. Very softly, he spoke to Sora.

"Hey." Still-haunted blue eyes turned to him. Axel smiled reassuringly. "You know my cousin I'm trying to save?" Axel waited for Sora's slow, silent nod. "Well, his name's Roxas. Can I tell you a secret about him? You can't tell Reno or anyone, OK?"

A curious furrow appeared between Sora's eyebrows, but the boy nodded, very serious. "Well," Axel continued, "actually, he's not my cousin. He's my…my boyfriend." Sora blinked, looking a little uncomprehending. Axel smiled to keep the sadness away. "We're in love. See, some bad things happened, and now it looks like things are even worse because…because of who's got him. But I'm gonna save him, because I love him, and he loves me. Have you ever been in love, Sora?"

He watched as Sora looked away, frowning a little. After a pause, the boy just shrugged. Axel kept talking. "You know…love is great. It can be hard sometimes, but it's worth it. And it can be scary, because you have to trust the person you love…but it helps. Because then…you're not alone anymore." Sora looked back at him, listening. Axel paused a moment, then finished. "I think you'll find someone like that, Sora. I think your life is gonna get better now…and when you find that person, they'll help you forget all the bad things. Just…don't give up before you meet them, OK?"

Blue eyes turned away, thoughtfully roaming the room for a minute. When Sora looked back, however, there was a glint of determination in his gaze. "Never give up," he mumbled softly.

Axel couldn't even imagine what kinds of things the boy might be remembering when he said that. So he just swallowed his choking pity for him and nodded, smiling approvingly. "That's good." Then he extended a pinky finger to Sora – just an offer. "Never give up, right?"

For the first time, the faintest touch of a real smile lit Sora's face. He extended his pinky and loosely linked it with Axel's. "Never give up," he repeated.

They stayed like that a moment, until Axel was snapped out of it by the stomp of high heels coming to a halt right next to him. He glanced up at Marluxia.

"Come on, Axel, we're done here." The reporter started to rise, glancing at the other two men, trying to rapidly take stock of how things stood, since he hadn't been listening. Marluxia looked impatient…but smug. Reno was coming around his desk, grumbling under his breath. "We'll see ourselves out, thanks." Reno stopped, shrugged, and sat on the edge of his desk, crossing lanky arms over his chest.

"What's going on?" Axel glanced between the two men rapidly. "What now? We have to go save…"

"Yeah, well, you'll just have to wait, Hot Stuff," Reno humphed. Marluxia stepped in to explain before Axel could lash back at the other redhead.

"We've got a trail to follow, Axel, but there's nothing else we can do tonight. Reno will take you to see Vinnie tomorrow night."

"Why can't we go _now?_" _Not another day…waiting…another day for Roxas to be hurt…_

Reno spoke up, tiredly explaining, "Because, as I told the Princess here, he's not available by now. If you want to get anything from Vinnie, it's gotta be before his shows start. So you gotta get your ass _here_ by seven tomorrow evening, yo. That way we get there while he's still setting up."

Axel's eyes shot to Marluxia. The man answered the question in them. "Reno's going to take it from here. Don't worry," he glared at the pimp as he spoke, "he's _promised_ to behave and get you the proof you need. If he _doesn't_, his debt's not clear." Marluxia's voice lost the edge as he addressed Axel again. "I'll show you how to find this place again, and the doorman will be expecting you. I'm sorry for the delay, Honey, but Reno's right. We just have to wait."

Ignoring the twisting agony in his stomach, Axel swallowed and nodded. Marluxia took that as his cue and turned to lead the way out, and Axel was moving to follow when his eyes caught sight of Sora, still huddled on the floor. Remembering his other request, Axel jumped to catch the departing man, calling, "Marluxia," under his breath.

"Hmm?" Axel met the disinterested glance with an urgent look, glancing toward Sora to indicate the boy. Following his gaze, Marluxia rolled his eyes briefly, then sighed. "Reno," he called back from the doorway. The pimp glanced up, seemingly snapped out of whatever thoughts he'd been contemplating…while staring somewhere in the vicinity of Axel's ass.

"Huh? 'Sup?"

Marluxia pointed to Sora. "Don't sell him off yet. We'll talk later."

Eyes widening in curiosity, Reno glanced at Sora, then back at Axel and Marluxia. Slowly, his face crinkled into a smirk. "Oh, I _really_ hope this means I get to fuck one of you. Or both of you…or both at once…" Pale blue eyes were wandering again, obviously studying both men with very impure intent.

"Over my dead body," Axel couldn't help growling. A red eyebrow quirked.

"I'm kinky, Hot Stuff, but not quite _that_ kinky."

Marluxia rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever Reno. Forget it. Cash only this time."

The pimp stuck out his tongue, but shrugged. "Cash works too. Much less fun though. Call me Monday if you wanna talk about it." Then his eyes got their twinkle back, meeting Axel's. "See you tomorrow night, Sexy," he purred.

Axel did his level best to take a page from Marluxia's book and ignore the asshole. And then he was following Marluxia out, only pausing a moment to look back at Sora. When the boy looked up to watch him go, Axel smiled encouragingly and gave him a small wave. It hurt and it also helped to see the kid return the gesture, just slightly.

He couldn't look at the eyes though. He couldn't think of Roxas…not right now. _Wait until tomorrow night…_ Some things were just too much to bear, if he thought about them. Some things could really break a man's heart if he wasn't careful.

On the way home, Axel threw every brain cell he had into memorizing the route to Reno's.

~o~


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note: **Ugh, fuck, it's been forever. *hates self* Anyway, while I'm posting this, I'd like to announce to the ffnet crowd that I'm having a teeny little contest. I need a new summary for Show Me The Money because the current one sucks, so whoever writes me the best one wins a drabble. ;) Details are all over on my dA journal, so head on over there if you wanna give it a shot. It has to be submitted there, too. Deadline for the contest is New Year's Day. You have the rest of 2010 to enter. Good luck! :D

So I hadn't really planned on being able to update this yet, but I got some writing done and decided not to hold out on you guys. So, here's chapter 30! The big 3-0! It's gotta be over soon, right? XD

_

* * *

Another sleeping. Another waking. Another raping._

Roxas had no idea how much time was passing. Without windows or clocks, he couldn't tell if it was day or night. When he was awake, he was in pain. Then he'd fall asleep and relive the attacks in nightmares until he was jolted back to consciousness again by a new nightmare. Another rape.

After the first time, he'd been moved. Now he was chained to the bed by both wrists and ankles, unable to struggle or even roll over onto his back. Most importantly, he was unable to do anything about the IV needle in his arm or the nonstop hell it brought.

Xemnas hadn't said a word about Roxas' lack of arousal when he'd raped him the first time. He'd just ordered him hooked up to a constant drip of something that ensured Roxas' body remained aroused, whether or not anyone was present to take advantage of that.

Abortive little wiggles against the sheet did nothing to lessen the misery. Roxas was sickened by the irony that his only moments of relief from the maddening need were when his captor came to rape him, offering enough stimulus for Roxas to finally climax and regain his sanity for a few cold minutes before the drug took effect again. He didn't know why this was happening. He barely knew anything other than muddled pain and sick need. But he had a stray suspicion in those moments of sanity, as Xemnas closed the door behind himself again, that if this went on long enough his mind would truly break, leaving his body in a state of constant, mindless need for sex.

_That's why, isn't it? That's what he's doing. He's making sure I'll never try to leave again._

Roxas had just realized this in one of his moments of post-rape temporary sanity…when the door opened again. He stiffened automatically, flinching at the resulting pain but unable to help it. Usually, he didn't hear Xemnas come in. Usually, he just woke up to the beginnings of the man's attack. And Xemnas had just left! _Not again…not already! I can't…I…_

Barely-heard footfalls approached in the silence. Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, trying to seal in the tears. He felt the menacing presence stand over him for a moment, still silent. _What is he waiting for?_ Then a shift, and hands touched his bruised hips, his raw, whipped backside. Roxas choked on a sob as the touch slid deep, but the next moment he felt as if his heart stopped. _This isn't right_. The hands weren't tearing or hitting. _This…isn't him_.

As much as he dreaded each rape, Roxas didn't panic before them. Not when he knew what was coming. But now…his breathing was shallow and fast, his mind blank with terror. _Who is it? What now? Why? He's never given me to others before…what does this mean?_

When a warm, wet touch slid between his legs, Roxas couldn't help it – he jumped. A whispering hush reached his ears. "Shhhh…" Roxas blinked. He couldn't recognize the voice for sure, but something about the tone… He stretched his head around as far as he could, ignoring the pain in an effort to see who it was.

He got the barest glimpse of blue before sharp, piercing claws dug into his hips. _Saïx._

Roxas didn't dare speak. He remembered what Saïx was capable of. The claws in his flesh were a silent warning, and he bit his tongue and held still. And the wet touch returned – a tongue sliding deep, probing at his abused entrance. Roxas shuddered. _What the hell is he…?_ Fingers joined the tongue, and in another moment Roxas could guess what was happening. He choked on a sob and wished desperately that he could block out the sound of slurping as that mouth worked him open again, tongue trying to extract what his recent attacker had left behind.

_Oh God…I think I'm going to be sick._

When Saïx finally stopped, there was a pause. Roxas couldn't tell what was happening, but he could hear heavy panting behind him. It was tense and silent for several heartbeats. _What is he doing, what is he going to…?_ Then, the soft sound of a zipper and fabric rustling gave Roxas barely two seconds' warning before something large and hot slammed into his body, burning and painful and rough.

"Hnngh…Master…" The whisper was hoarse. Roxas bit his lip to hold back his cry of pained surprise. Saïx rammed him again. "Master…M-Master…"

There was no beating, no foul names, and even the rough pain of it wasn't as bad as when Xemnas raped him. Still, it was the same – horrifying, sickening. _Not Axel._ But the drug was still flowing and his body was helpless to resist, so all Roxas could do was wrap his shattered pride around himself and stubbornly refuse to make a sound. Irrationally, he thought that if he stayed silent and refused to acknowledge what was happening, somehow it wouldn't have happened.

So he sealed his lips as Xemnas' lackey brutally thrust fast and deep into his body, and he ignored the sounds of slapping and the hoarse moans of "Master, Master," and he gagged when he was forced to come and tried so hard not to feel the familiar sensation of an unwelcome orgasm being spent inside him. _Disgusting, disgusting, don't cry, don't make a sound…Axel…_

When Saïx was done, he left Roxas with only a whispered threat in his ear – "_Don't tell him_." Then he was gone as silently as his "master."

The worst part, maybe, wasn't even the pain or being used like a public toilet. Those things weren't new. The worst part was probably how, within minutes of an experience so revolting it made him want to throw up, Roxas' body was forced back into a state of frustrated arousal by the never-ending drip in his bloodstream. _It's just the drug, I can't help it, just the drug. _ He knew. But that wasn't how it felt. It _felt_ like his body _liked_ what was happening. And the more often his body responded to the drug while the memory of rape was still cooling on his skin, the more frantic and horrified Roxas felt. He wanted to cry and he wanted to scream and he wanted, _needed_ so much for the cycle to end, for rescue to come or for some way of escape. Before it was too much. _Too late._

~o~

"Sooooo…your cousin, huh? Tough shit, him getting mixed up with Xemnas. How'd _that_ happen?"

_Deep breath_. "I don't see how that matters." Axel kept his eyes straight ahead, fixed on the headrest of the seat in front of him, taking no interest in the speaker sitting next to him in the back of the car. Security Guy Rude was driving, and had so far not said a word the entire trip. His greeting had been a nod.

Reno, on the other hand, seemed to be feeling chatty. He sprawled lazily beside Axel, a nice, irritating, shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Axel's only saving grace so far was that the annoying pimp had kept his hands to himself…though his eyes had been making up for his hands' good behavior. "Sure it matters, Sexy. Come on, you think I don't _care?_ Hey…talk to me."

Axel glanced away instead, out of the tinted window. "It doesn't change what we're looking for. You don't need to know."

"Awwww, that's _mean._ Jesus, you don't need to be so _cold_. S'not like I'm gonna rape you if you talk to me, Hot Stuff. Wouldn't kill you to just chat a little."

Axel's eye twitched. "How long until we're there?"

"Probably not long enough to extract the stick from your ass, Precious…but we can sure as hell _try…_" Again with the shit-eating grin.

"How long."

Reno sighed heavily. "Like five minutes. Hey, have you ever had a guy hit on you before? Because you're like, _smokin_ hot, so I can't imagine nobody tryin, but then you're about twenty times more hardcore prude than anyone I've ever _met_. I'm having a hard time even picturing you with _women._ Are you a virgin?"

Axel bit his tongue. _You can't hit him until after. You need his help to get something on Xemnas. Without him, you don't have any more options. To save Roxas…_

"Seriously, that has to be it. Poor guy…I can't even _remember _being a virgin, but I hear it sucks…"

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…_

"It's not a medical problem, is it? Oh my God, that would blow so hard! A hottie like you with a limp dick? What a waste! Though really, I can totally help with that, you know…you should try me and see…"

"I'm _not!_" Axel snapped, then immediately reigned himself in, trying to sound more controlled. _Don't let him know he's annoying you…_ "I've had sex, okay? Mind your own business."

Unfortunately, the leer was even more loud and clear in Reno's answer. "Ohhhhh, you _have?_ Interesting… So. How many people? Any guys? Because if you haven't tried a guy, you are _really…_"

The sound of someone loudly clearing his throat cut Reno off there. The pimp momentarily froze, then turned his eyes to the driver and glared sullenly. Axel glanced back and forth between them for a silent moment while Reno…_pouted_. Rude kept driving. Axel couldn't tell if his eyes were ahead, on the road, or on the rearview mirror giving Reno a Look through the sunglasses. Either way, the throat-clearing alone seemed to make an impact.

"Fucking spoilsport," Reno mumbled under his breath. Rude didn't say anything. After a pause, Reno kept complaining to himself. "This is _totally_ unfair. That bitch could have asked for money or boys or _me_ for fuck's sake, but he had to go and make me do _chores_, and I can't even have _fun_ because of _certain assholes_. It's not like he's in a fucking relationship." Reno suddenly turned and addressed his words – leer-free, for a change – to Axel again. "You're not, are you?"

_If he's still alive…_ Axel paused. "I am," he quietly answered at last.

Reno's frown deepened. "Damn it. Happy?"

_We __**were**__…_ "Yeah."

"Shit." Then he turned back to the front seat and the still-impassive driver. "Fine then! Fine!" He flumped against the seat again, arms crossed. "But it's _your_ loss, Gorgeous. You don't know what sex can _be_ until you've tried _me_." A tiny bit of the leer came back as Reno eyed him slyly. "Anytime, by the way. Any. Time. No charge."

For a moment, Axel was tempted to respond, but he thought better of it. It wasn't like there was anything he could say to explain to Reno. _How do you tell a pimp what love feels like?_

The car turned down an alley between two buildings and parked in the rear of a large, deserted-looking place. Axel was momentarily confused. A glimpse of the front of the building right before the turn had jogged his memory. _This building looks familiar…I've been here recently. Why do I know this place…?_ Rude silently opened the car door and walked around, opening Reno's door and standing by. "C'mon." Reno jerked his head to indicate that Axel should follow.

The back door was down a recessed stairwell, and Rude led the way. There was no one outside, and the security guard didn't knock – he just opened the door and held it for Reno. Once inside, however, they weren't alone anymore. They entered a small, bare room that reminded Axel of the little bare hallway upon entering Reno's establishment. This room, however, had two bulky guards standing at the far door, and Axel was suddenly grateful for Rude's solid mass following him inside. It was reassuring to have someone at his back who seemed to be more or less on his side, at least this evening.

One of the guards was stepping forward, confronting Reno. "You don't have an appointment." Axel tensed nervously. _That guy is __**huge**__!_

Reno, however, seemed completely relaxed as he strolled forward, rolling his hips and smirking, for once not at Axel. "Baby, you know I don't need an appointment to see him. Or are you some newbie and they forgot to tell you?" The guard stood silent. Reno just snorted and addressed the other guard. "Ring Vinnie up here. Tell him it's Reno, and I won't wait long."

_Vinnie!_ That name jogged Axel's memory. _We're here to see that pimp who said he didn't know anything? Was he hiding stuff from me? He didn't seem like he was…and Luxord said he was an informer…_ Mind racing, Axel tried to just stand back and watch, silently. If this guy was Reno's lead, Axel probably couldn't do anything to help. If Vinnie was willing to talk to just anyone, he would have talked to Axel already.

In less than two minutes, the interior door opened and the cowboy Axel had spoken to only days ago appeared. His manner, however, wasn't quite the laid-back, cheerful eccentricity Axel remembered. From the moment Vinnie saw Reno, his smile seemed to freeze in a painfully forced position. Reno, for his part, just leveled a calm gaze at the other man.

Vinnie slowly removed his cowboy hat, fiddling with it in front of his body. "Hey there…pardner. Ain't seen ya in a real long time…" The voice lacked strength. The man seemed reluctant to step forward – he was almost hunching between his security guards, and his eyes never left Reno.

"Drop it, Irvine." Axel blinked in shock and glanced over at Reno. _That _hadn't been a tone he was familiar with from the pimp. Reno's voice had been low and steady, but the icy edge in it was so tangible it sent a shiver down Axel's spine. At the same time, as he looked at Reno he could see no sign of threat in his posture. The man still stood with that lazy self-assurance, hip cocked in a pose that seemed kind of…sensual.

But Axel didn't even have time to process the sudden change in tone before he was shocked again as the other man answered in an even lower tone, "Yeah okay." There was no trace of southern drawl in his voice now.

"Aren't you excited to see me, Irvine? You must have missed me _bad_." Ice blue eyes narrowed at Irvine, who shifted his weight constantly from one foot to the other.

Irvine swallowed before he spoke. "I'm _always_ happy to see you. I'm just, uh, not sure to what I owe the pleasure?"

"_Really._" It didn't sound like a question. "Seems like you might have expected this after our last trade, don't you think?"

The frozen smile seemed to dissolve a little. "W-why? Are you saying you weren't happy with the boy I sent you? Because you could have just called…"

"Irvine," Reno interrupted with an air of tried patience in his voice, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't add _wasting my time_ to the growing list of reasons I'm pissed at you. You already betrayed me once, and now you've screwed me in a fair trade. That's two strikes, old pal. You _don't_ wanna find out what happens after three."

"What would that…um, would you, do you mean you'd…hurt me?" Bizarrely, Axel was almost sure the guy sounded…hopeful.

Reno smirked. "_Seems_ like a punishment, doesn't it? I could hit you a few times, maybe use a whip…" Irvine seemed to be breathing heavily. "…kick you in the face, then make you get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness and suck my cock…then I could stuff your ass full of dildos and whip you some more and make you scream until you can't scream anymore…"

"_Nnnh_…" The tiny sound made Axel stare wide-eyed at Irvine, who was looking very flushed.

Reno let the thought hang for a moment before he spoke again. "Nope." Irvine started, snapping out of his daze. "I know how you like it, you bastard, and I know how you look at me. Think you can piss me off enough that I'll just rape you? Like _hell_." The smoothness was wearing out of Reno's tone. He was starting to sound dangerously pissed. "You deserve a bullet right between the eyes, Irvine. You think you can fuck with me and I'm too nice to take the same measures other guys will? Think again."

The man shrank back between his security guards, who stepped forward, masses of muscle looking _very_ intimidating. Reno didn't blink. Irvine stammered, "I d-don't think that, I'm really sorry! I'm sorry Reno I just…there were these circumstances and you know I wouldn't _willingly_…"

Reno cut the man off. "You'd willingly do a lot of things, and don't think your goons are gonna scare me. Right now, I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to give you a chance to redeem yourself, if you're interested in patching things up between us a little."

The nervous man seemed unsure, for a moment, if he should trust the offer. He hesitated, considering, before he slowly nodded. "If there's anything I can do to make it up to…"

"I figured," Reno cut in, smirking a little. "Okay then. For starters, you can tell me where you got that kid."

The false cowboy blinked slowly. "Kid?"

"The one you sent me," Reno clarified.

"What do you mean, where I got him?" Irvine asked slowly. "You gave me one of yours, I gave you one of mine."

Reno raised a red eyebrow, his expression becoming sly. He sauntered slowly toward the other man. "Oh come on. I know he wasn't one of yours." Reaching Irvine, Reno draped a lazy arm around the man's shoulders, fingers playing idly with honey brown hair. "I know there's no way you trained that one. Don't insult yourself. I haven't seen you leave a job unfinished in six or seven years, Baby. You got him from some rookie. Can't you tell me who?" The other hand slid under Irvine's chin and drew his face around, an inch from Reno's. The silky voice went flat and a little dark, making a point. "_All. Things. Considered._"

Axel could see the man's Adam's apple bob as Irvine swallowed before grinning weakly. "All right, sure. No big deal. He was just some rich guy's throw-away. Some fancy, perfumed CEO or something."

Reno's eyes and fingers were trailing lazily down the side of Irvine's face now. "Hmmm. I've heard about a rich guy who gets around in our kinda circles. That guy wouldn't happen to be called Xemnas, would he?" Reno's eyes narrowed in another faint smirk as he shifted slightly closer.

Irvine's breathing looked a little shallow to Axel, who was observing the whole exchange closely. Even if he hadn't had a lot hanging on the conversation, Reno's adaptable persuasion methods were interesting to watch, and the effect on the reluctant informant was fascinating. Axel didn't think he'd ever be able to use Reno's methods properly, but it couldn't hurt to watch and learn a few tips. Just in case.

"Xemnas? Uh, sounds about right."

Reno played lightly with the collar of the cowboy shirt. "How'd Xemnas get the boy, I wonder?"

"D-dunno. Ex-lover? Kept boy? I didn't ask."

"Mmmmm." Fingers trailed down a little further, playing in wide, slow circles, slowly moving inward toward where the man's nipple would be, under his shirt. "Does he have any others?"

Irvine stiffened. Axel could barely see it, but Reno would certainly have felt it. "I dunno what yer talkin about…"

"_Irvine._" With a swift, precise motion, Reno's fingers located a target on Irvine's chest and pinched – _hard._

"Oh Jesus," Irvine gasped breathlessly, leaning into Reno and panting.

"_Others_. Boys, Irvine. You ever get any others from him? Or do you send any his way? What's his deal? A guy like that doesn't keep to one toy. _You_ don't give me half-answers unless you're hiding something from me. So what's going on, Irvine?"

The cowboy seemed to be trying to pull himself together and push away from Reno. "If you got an idea that there's somethin goin on and you know who Xemnas is, you should know better than to ask me about it. You think I'm gonna betray that guy? You're fuckin nuts, pal."

Reno's face hardened and his voice dropped to a growl – threatening, but still tainted with sensuality. "Well, right _now_ you've got _me_ to deal with, Irvine. If you don't wanna fix things with me, I'll have to take that as strike three from you. _I think _you don't want that." Irvine's eyes widened, staring at Reno as he seemed to shrink back a little. "On the other hand," the pimp continued, "Xemnas isn't here. He might never know…"

"Yeah _right._ He knows _everything_, pal."

"So even if he finds out. You're between dealing with me, _now_…or him, _later_."

A quick little headshake. "He'll do worse than kill me if I sell him out…"

A pause. Reno examined the man closely for a moment. "Sounds to me like you got something real bad on him. Would it help to know that if what you tell me is bad enough, he might not be able to hurt you by the time he finds out it was you?"

Irvine gasped thinly, looking absolutely unbelieving. "No way, Reno. You can't take _him_ down."

"That depends on what you can show me, Baby." This time, Reno's voice didn't drop back into a seductive purr. It was even and serious, and his eyes never left Irvine's.

And this time, the silence hung in the air for so long that Axel felt like he was one minute from losing his mind as he watched the two men study each other without a word. Finally, the cowboy answered in a near-whisper. "What's my guarantee?"

Reno's tone matched Irvine's – soft and flat. "What can you show me?"

Irvine drew in a deep, slow breath, and his eyes jumped around the room quickly, glancing at the guards, Rude, Axel, and back to Reno. Abruptly, he seemed to come to a decision. "We're not talking here. You and me – let's go. No promises and no bargains until we work the details out. Fine?"

Axel bit his tongue. He didn't like the terms, but he knew it wasn't up to him. Reno turned and met his eyes deliberately for a moment, then nodded to Axel and Rude. "I'll be back." Without another word, he and Irvine turned, Reno following him further into the building and leaving Axel with Rude and the two other security guards.

Axel stood still a moment, staring at the closed door until a tap on his arm drew his attention. He turned and saw Rude standing by calmly. The man nodded toward the wall and some chairs. "Have a seat." It wasn't an offer or an order, just…a suggestion. Axel was reluctant to sit – adrenaline and tension made pacing the small room seem like a much better idea. But then, there were the other guards… _And I don't know how long they might be, either._ With a heavy sigh, Axel nodded and sat down.

~o~

It was half an hour before Reno emerged suddenly, startling Axel, who stood abruptly as the other man strode toward him and Rude. Irvine appeared in the doorway, but didn't follow. The man looked shaken and pale as he just watched Reno march out the opposite door, calling over his shoulder, "See you Wednesday, Sweetie!" Then Reno slammed a heavy stack of papers into Axel's hands and exited the building with as much self-possession as he had entered it.

They were in the car on the way back before Axel got to hear any of the story. Reno had stopped him from looking at the papers until Axel asked, trying to control the curiosity in his face and voice, "What the hell happened in there and what did you get?"

An absolutely feline smirk spread over the pimp's face. "Well, here's how it went." And Reno proceeded to offer an extremely detailed and line-by-line account of the private interview.

"Okay, so I walked in his office and he locked the door, all shaky and shit, the pansy. And I just turned at him and I said, all direct and no-bullshit – 'What have you got on him?'" Reno's voice deepened slightly when he delivered his own line, like he was quoting the hero in an action movie during a particularly dramatic confrontation.

"He says, 'All right pal, I never told ya a thing, hear?'" Reno's voice changed again, and his impression of Irvine involved a whining tone and a lot more southern drawl than the false cowboy had used ever since Reno had told him to stop. Reno continued in Vinnie's voice, "But here's a hint – I could sink him."

"Then…!" Axel interrupted, heart leaping with hope. Reno glared at him.

"Hey! Don't interrupt! I'm tellin the story, you wanna hear it or not?" His pout made it seem to Axel that if he told Reno he wasn't all that excited about each and every tiny detail…he might not get _any_ details at all.

"Sorry." Axel bit his tongue and prayed for enough patience to deal with the pimp for just a _little_ longer.

Self-satisfied, Reno settled back into his story, changing voices as he related the conversation.

"So anyway, Irvine says, 'I could sink him. He's dirty, and I got enough dirt on him that even the _cops_ would have to put him away, if ya showed it to ones he warn't boss of. I'm figurin that's about what yer lookin fer?' I told him it was. 'That would get ya off my back about the kid, pardner?' he asks. I told him yeah, we'd be back to square one if he gave me that. But then the little turd goes, 'Well pardner, there's a few problems though. See, the dirt I got on him goes both ways, know what I mean?'" Reno looked at Axel and expounded for his listener's benefit…even thought he didn't need to. "That means he's involved in the shit Xemnas has been up to, and he's worried about getting in trouble himself. That little shit is into all kindsa crap that's well beyond the law. Anyway, he says, 'It goes both ways, and there's business I gotta consider. I ain't been doin too bad, dealin with him. Gettin back in yer good graces ain't gonna cover the money loss, the danger to myself, _and_ the risk of betrayin Xemnas.'"

Axel glanced to the front seat, wondering if he was the only one getting really sick of the amount of time Reno was taking to tell the story. Rude was driving with as little expression as ever. He might as well have been a robot, for all the interest he showed in Reno's theatrics. Axel rolled his eyes slightly, then hoped the other man hadn't noticed. Fortunately, Reno continued without looking at his listener.

"So I go, 'Irvine, show me the dirt and let's see what we're dealing with. If you're not shitting me, I'll see what else I can do to make it worth your while.' So he goes to his computer, and he shows me _these_." Reno tapped the stack of papers in Axel's hands.

"What _are_ these?" Axel asked insistently.

The pimp plucked the stack away from Axel and lifted the first sheet. "This one is a signed thingy saying Irvine gave over this evidence on the understanding that he wouldn't be prosecuted for anything these papers implicate him in, yadda yadda yadda. The rest of these are printoffs from his computer." Reno lifted the next paper and held it up, blue eyes becoming serious as he looked directly at Axel. "Correspondence between him and Xemnas. And…receipts."

Axel frowned, leaning forward to try to read the paper. "Receipts for what?"

"Boys."

Axel froze. He felt suddenly cold as he looked up at the pimp, eyes wide with disbelief. "What?" _He can't mean what it sounds like…_ He waited for Reno to explain.

The man nodded slowly. "It's not a transfer of debt contract like with Sora. Irvine is free to write up the boy's terms that way, once he has him. He might have done that with Sora, even – bought him and then written the sale price up as a debt Sora owed him. But the transaction with Xemnas isn't like that. Xemnas is selling boys to the sex industry. It's human trafficking."

"Oh my God…" Axel could barely breathe. _Sex slaves. Something like this…_

"It looks like, from the receipts, Irvine has bought a total of three boys from Xemnas. Sora was one. But there's more to these emails. Xemnas offers him the chance to choose from a selection, and some of these emails imply that he's selling to other houses too, because Irvine shows an interest in one of the boys at one point and Xemnas replies that he doesn't have that one anymore." Reno shuffled through the papers, locating the right one and pointing to the information. "I haven't made a tally or anything, but just from glancing through all this stuff, I think I saw at least two dozen different boys. More importantly," blue eyes looked up into stunned green again, "it looks like many of these boys, if not most of them, are well under the age of consent."

Swallowing hard, Axel struggled to speak. "Where…h-how…?" Reno waited. "Where does he…find them?"

The pimp shook his head. "That's missing. He never mentions where the boys are from. But I think you're more than okay. There's no way he got them legally, not the underage ones anyway. And these clearly indicate that Xemnas is directly selling underage boys for sex. If you got a connection to some kinda clean cop, you show them this. This will be enough for an investigation, and that'll probably turn up the rest of the nasty details. Hell, even if that bastard somehow managed to be legit in everything else, these two receipts," Reno pointed to Vinnie's receipts for the two other boys, apparently aged 13 and 14, respectively, "are enough to put him away for five to ten years. Selling minors? That's pretty bad shit."

It was slowly dawning on Axel as Reno spoke. _He really was doing something illegal. And this is proof. I got proof. Five to ten years…this can…this can save Roxas._ Dizzy with relief and sudden hope, Axel suddenly remembered one more sobering question.

"What did this cost you?" He looked up at Reno again. "He said just making it up to you wasn't enough…"

The pimp made a face, sticking out his tongue. "Well, that's what Wednesday is about. And then the next Wednesday after that. See, I actually owe Mar pretty bad…" Reno's voice dropped to a whisper as he leaned in toward Axel, smirking, "I screwed him over big time when I headhunted Rude." The man snickered like a little boy. "Anyway, long story short, I thought it wouldn't hurt me to never deal with that princess again, but it hasn't been as great as I thought. So helping you is making it up to him, but only if it works, so I had to make it work. And Irvine owes _me_ for _two_ strikes, but like he said, this was a big, fat price to pay. So I'm throwing in a little…tip. Like a thank you for the help."

Uncomprehending, Axel just blinked and raised his eyebrows. Reno, who hadn't looked too excited about the "tip," warmed up a little at the prospect of explaining it to Axel. Leaning in even closer, he let his voice drop again.

"See, I'm gonna make all his dreams come true. Everything he's ever wanted – and he's been wanting _me_ for _years_. That guy may own his own place now, but he's still just a horny little masochistic slut deep down, and he'd sell his own _mother_ for a play date with me. And for _two?_ Xemnas doesn't scare him anymore at that price." Axel was leaning further and further back as Reno slid forward, keeping himself uncomfortably close. "So on Wednesday, I'm gonna go…_play_ with him. He'll be begging and crying for it by the time I actually fuck him…" Axel was plastered against the opposite door. "Wanna hear what I'm gonna do to him? I could tell you _all_ about it…Sexy…"

_Do. Not. Hit. Him._ "No. _Thank you._ But absolutely not." Axel was adamant. He was also hoping that Reno got the hell out of his personal space before he smacked the guy. _He's selling himself for the proof you needed to bring down Xemnas. He's not touching you or directly propositioning you, so there's no excuse to hit him._ Axel recited these reasons like a mantra and just hoped Reno backed off soon.

Fortunately for Axel, Reno did – with a huff and a discontented and vaguely annoyed glare. But he sat back. "Pretty cold, aren't ya Hot Stuff?"

"To you, yes." Then, Axel reconsidered. He didn't want to be _rude_… "Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate your help with all this. Even if you owed it to Marluxia. I'm still grateful. I just…think we can get along better if you leave me alone."

Reno leaned back, pouting. "Prude. What a waste."

Axel glanced at him. Reno seemed to have finally given up. "I mean it though," he offered. "Thank you. My cousin is very important to me, and I couldn't have saved him on my own. This…means a lot. If there was any other _nonsexual _way I could thank you…"

A shrug. "It's fine. You don't owe me. I'm square with Mar and I get to keep my best guard – that's worth it." Light blue glanced up again, for once looking almost friendly. "You're welcome though." Reno held out a hand, and since the offer seemed to be free, for the moment, of anything insinuating, Axel only paused a moment before he nodded and took the hand, shaking it firmly. Reno grinned. "Pleasure workin with you. Not my _favorite_ kind of pleasure," he winked, "but still a pleasure."

Green eyes rolled slightly, but Axel decided it was best to leave things at that. He parted from Reno with a good-humored smile in front of the pimp's building, then turned his steps toward the bus stop. It would be a bus ride home to his neighborhood before he could once again sneak in without being seen by any watchers. He didn't know if they were still there, but it seemed better to be safe.

At the bus stop, Axel fished out his phone and tried Luxord. He wanted to let the man know what he'd gotten as soon as possible. The phone went straight to voicemail. Axel sighed and left a message, short and sweet: "Hey Luxord, it's me. I found what we needed. Call me when you get this."

Axel fiddled with his phone all the way home.

He was settled at his kitchen table, the printouts from Vinnie spread out before him as Axel examined their contents, when his phone finally rang.

"Hey Axel, sorry, I had my cell off while I was makin house calls. What did you find?"

Quickly, Axel described the evidence. Luxord whistled in amazement, but let him talk. When he had finished, Axel asked, "I can hand this stuff to you immediately. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?"

"Hmm." Luxord paused. "You home already?"

"Yeah."

"Still gettin in and out without bein seen?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's good, but I don't wanna push your luck. If you're already home, no need to risk bein seen if you go out again. Hang onto those papers – put em somewhere safe – and bring them in with you tomorrow morning. I'll see ya at work first thing. How's that?"

Twitching at the latest delay, Axel had to remember that Luxord probably couldn't get the judge to do anything about it in the middle of the night on a Sunday anyway. "All right," he answered reluctantly. "I'll see you as soon as I get in."

"I'll take it all straight over to the judge as soon as I see ya, Son. Don't worry. By quittin time tomorrow, the police will have him…if the evidence is really as good as you say."

"Believe me," Axel answered, "I've been going over it. He's selling kids as sex slaves. I'm pretty sure that's not legal." His sarcastic tone was unmistakable.

"Well, it's enough for a warrant. Let's hope we can surprise the guy, though. They're gonna need to find more proof, and they're gonna need to find it on _him_. Otherwise, he stands a good chance of wiggling out of it, calling it fabricated."

Axel's stomach dropped. "But there are boys…the trail leads back to _him!_"

"I know, I know," the reporter answered. "Don't you worry, Son. I'm sure there's plenty more evidence, it's just a matter of catching him off-guard so we can get the proof before he has a chance to cover things up. In the meantime, bring me those papers tomorrow – they're enough to get the wheels turning, and turning fast. You're right – selling kids ain't the kinda thing the authorities can bat an eye at."

"All right," Axel sighed. "See you tomorrow."

With the conversation over, Axel soon turned his attention back to the papers. He wanted to make sure he knew their contents inside and out. _Just in case_. If for some reason the cops didn't come through on this, he wouldn't get another look at this information. And he'd be on his own again, using whatever was handy to get at Xemnas and free Roxas. And Axel…he'd do _anything_.

_I won't leave you in his hands, Roxas. Hold on, please. I'm coming._

~o~


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: **Guess what y'all? _This fic is almost done._ Sorry if that comes as a shock to some of you. XD For those who aren't on deviantArt and missed the announcement, there will be a short series of epilogues after the main story ends, to allow me to wrap up other characters' loose ends. If you're curious, I posted a list of epilogue candidates over there. It's a few journals old, but it's there. ;)

I _had_ hoped to actually write all the rest of this so I could promise to have the next chapter up soon after this one, but I don't wanna make y'all wait longer than two months (as I have been known to do, orz) so...uh, the next chapter is _planned_, and the struggle is just finding the time to write. XD Cross your fingers for me! :D

PS - I am going to end up disabling anonymous reviews pretty soon just because anons keep_ asking me questions_, not seeming to realize that _I have no way to reply._ It just makes me feel bad. :/

Side note: Rather to my surprise, nobody trusts Luxord, LOL. Poor dude. XD

* * *

It felt like weeks, now. On some level, Roxas was aware that he had probably only been living in this hell for a fraction of that time, but the larger part of him was beginning to forget whatever life he had known before this. And there was a voice of conviction, strong in his mind, agreeing with that forgetfulness.

_Because it doesn't matter now. It will always be like this, forever. "Before" doesn't matter. __**This**__ is your life. This is __**perfect**__ for you._

Voices in the room – _he_ was back. And the lackey, he was there too.

"You had asked that my men stand by for their orders on Monday, Sir. Have you decided if you will use them?"

Eyes closed, Roxas had only sound to go on. He heard the question, and he heard sounds of shuffling, objects being lifted and set down. And Xemnas… "Hmmm…no, I think they won't be necessary. They can take today off." _Today…is Monday? Monday…three days since? Or more than a week? Or…weeks?_ "My toy hasn't given any indications of an emotional attachment, so it seems he was telling the truth, and the man was only a convenient dick. I think his career will be punishment enough for fucking my slut. No need to add bodily injury. The surveillance can be lifted today as well. There's no more reason to waste time with him."

"Yes Sir. Then, regarding the recent offers on Number 17…"

"In a moment." Saïx's voice halted as steps approached the bed. Xemnas spoke again, sounding nearer. "Actually, you may go. I'll return to my office in a few minutes to discuss that."

"Yes Sir." A door opened and closed, but Roxas was more focused on the cold hands that grabbed his wrists, unlocking the cuffs and pulling Roxas up into a sitting position. He didn't know what was coming next, but he dreaded it. These last few hours had been short…too short.

The last time Xemnas had visited him, the needle had been roughly removed and the IV – mercifully – stopped. Roxas had instead been force-fed a few small pills from an Rx bottle, now left sitting on the table beside the bed. The pills seemed to counteract the other drugs, and they gave him a few hours of sanity, the madness and unwanted heat subsiding, leaving his body cold and drained. Only his mind was still racing with fearful, tortured guesses at what would happen when Xemnas returned.

Guesses at what would happen…_now_.

His wrists were immediately chained again in the new position – sitting, leaning back against the rough wood of the headboard. _Chained again…huh. What does he think I can even do against him at this point?_ Roxas could barely hold his own head up. All his efforts were spent on clinging to his own mind and will, hoping for rescue – he had no energy left for struggle.

Blue eyes fell vacantly downward. _Oh God…_ Roxas felt sick again. The naked body before him that must be his own was thin, covered with bruises and scratched, broken skin, and smeared with dry and drying…fluids. The bed around him too – it was a mess, and it stank of sweat and the vile things that had been done here. _Done to __**me**_. _Here_.

_You were dirty before…look at you __**now**__…_

_Oh God…so disgusting…so filthy!_ He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the sight. Roxas had never been so repulsed by his own body…so desperate to get _out_ of his own spoiled _skin._

_Please let this end…_

"Well now, Pet," a cold, smooth voice spoke from beside the bed, _too close_, "let's see if you're ready for the next step." A cold hand on his flaccid penis startled Roxas enough that he opened his eyes – in time to watch Xemnas slip a rubber ring on him, all the way to the base of his member. Weakness shivered through him again at the idea, the _possibility_, that… "We shouldn't need the drugs anymore, little slut." Xemnas' hands were calmly and slowly lubricating a large vibrator, which was somewhat…uniquely shaped. Blue eyes widened in disbelief. Roxas certainly knew what _that_ was for…but with a ring on him…

"Please…" He couldn't begin to withhold the frail whimper. He hadn't begged in the beginning, but _now_… "Please don't…don't do this. I can't take that much, Xemnas…"

A hand crashed violently against his face, throwing his head back into the wall with a mind-splitting _crack_. "That is _not_ how you are to address me, _bitch!_" The voice had become a cruel growl. Cold hands pried Roxas' thighs apart, fingers digging painfully deep into beaten flesh.

"No!" He gasped weakly through the pain, all thoughts of dignity vanishing. "No Master, please, please, _please Master_ not this! Don't, please don't, forgive me Master, _no no eeeeyahhhhh!_" With what little strength he had left, Roxas convulsed, tensing against the intrusion as the toy was slammed into his body.

Xemnas didn't answer – didn't even seem to hear. He just secured the device as calmly as he might sign a check, oblivious to the struggling, writhing boy. Because Roxas…could already feel it. Immediately, he could feel the plastic digging, probing _right there_, already starting to force pressure to build against the rubber ring…already starting to dissolve his sanity.

The last thing Xemnas did before almost lazily turning and leaving…was flip the switch on. _High_.

Roxas choked as the vibrations drove the little probe of plastic deeper into his prostate, beginning to force the return of his unwanted erection. And this time, as Xemnas had said, no drugs were needed. With time, the toys would be enough. He even knew how long it would take. He had fifteen minutes, maybe. He'd learned from his previous experiences with Xemnas that he would be reduced to mindless desperation after that.

Jerking his arms, he felt the metal cut into his wrists. He hands were locked to the posts on either side of the bed – he couldn't get them anywhere near the toys. _Of course_.

Roxas' sight misted over with frustrated tears as he reached futilely for something, anything to save him. _I can't anymore…not this. Not again. Please make it stop…_ His hand hit the nearby table with a small _thunk_. He couldn't even properly see what he was reaching for – he just stretched desperately for anything that may have been left sitting within reach. His fingers wrapped around something small that rattled, and Roxas blinked the tears away, attempting to focus.

_Rx…the pill bottle._

The cap wasn't on tight. It fell off as Roxas' thumb flicked over it.

_It helped before…but then it was just counteracting the drugs. How much would I have to take to get relief from __**this?**__ Probably…it would kill me first, whatever is in there._

The idea suddenly seemed like a shining crystal thought in his mind. _If I die…_

_If you die, it's over. No more pain. Escape. You can get away from this filthy skin. Wouldn't that be nice?_

Fingers tightening around the bottle, Roxas stared down at himself, transfixed by the idea. He could see it like a vision – lifting out of this dirty body, dirty life, drifting away from his cruel Master forever…and finding somewhere clean and pure. Somewhere…with Naminé, maybe.

_Not that you deserve it…but it would work. You could be free._ The thoughts whispered almost gently for once, a soft thread of hope – something he could grasp in the midst of the agony, something to help him climb out of hell.

"_I love you."_

Another vision suddenly seemed to replace the filth and the awful hope – Axel's face staring at him, green eyes intense and sincere and desperate, speaking something to him… _What was he saying that time?_

The front room of Axel's apartment…the couch behind him…the door ahead.

"_I'm in love with you…I think I started falling in love with you the first moment I met you…I want you to stay here with me."_

Head falling back against the headboard, Roxas felt as if every last ray of hope just went black. Hot tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and ran down his cheeks. His fingers loosened around the bottle…and pain thrummed through his body in renewed pulses, making him sick.

_Axel…wanted me. He would want me to stay…I can't leave Axel. _

Bitterness shot through him. _You'll never see him again. He won't want you now, and even if he did, he won't find you. Nothing lies ahead but more of this nightmare. It's all you deserve._

_But…Axel. I can't leave Axel._

_He's already gone. He thinks you left._

_But he might try to find me…I have to wait for him. I have to be alive for him to find. If he wants me at all._

_**Look**__ at yourself! You're __**vile!**__**No one **__wants you!_ The voice seemed to beat against his mind while the assaults of pain and twisted arousal battered against his body. Clarity was slipping away fast, mindless desperation beginning to seep in…

_Can't die…Axel…might come. Can't go before Axel comes. Love him…have to…wait for him…_

The other voice seemed to answer, seemed to spew denials and seemed to say that he needed to hurry before it was too late and they came and took his escape away…but even those words were being drowned out now by the pain. Coherent thought was almost gone, leaving him straining, twisting against his bonds, biting back sobs of _Axel, Axel, Axel_…and then he heard another little plastic rattle.

Roxas glanced to the side, but couldn't see through his tears. Still, he felt the object in his hand…and his fingers slowly, carefully slackened.

Then he was sobbing pleas for mercy, unable to hear the bottle hit the floor.

~o~

The drive in to work on Monday was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of Axel's life. He'd gone over the papers from Vinnie a hundred times; he knew their contents and he _knew_ they were damning enough for a warrant. The knowledge that he carried what was, in all likelihood, his only chance to save Roxas…made the papers in his laptop case feel like bricks. Axel guessed he was probably certifiably paranoid, he was so worried that something would happen on his way in to work. Whomever had been following him and watching him might choose today to jump him before he reached the office, they might see that something was different or know where he'd been and who he'd been talking to, he might be attacked and the papers stolen… The possibilities seemed endless, and Axel couldn't stop checking his rearview mirror the entire drive in to his office.

He almost collapsed with relief when he saw Luxord in the lobby.

The older reporter swallowed the last of a cup of black coffee and tossed the styrofoam cup in the trash beside the receptionist's desk. With a jerk of his head, he directed Axel to follow him to the drab chairs placed in the lobby for waiting guests.

"Isn't this a little…open?" Axel asked as they sat down. His fingers fidgeted with the zipper on his case.

"No one's watching you right now, Son," Luxord answered. "If your shadow is still following you, they ain't here yet. You brought the papers." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah." Axel finally felt himself relax the slightest bit. If he hadn't been followed…

He pulled out the large manila envelope he'd put the papers in. Luxord took it with a nod and stuck it into his beat-up old briefcase. Then he met Axel's eyes, sharp and intent. "This is everything you told me about on the phone?" Axel nodded. The smallest crinkle formed around Luxord's eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a small grin. "You got the devil's luck, Son. I been keepin' an eye on this old bastard for five years and never found nothin' like this on him. Didn't really think you'd find anything either. Guess somebody up there likes ya." The small smile sharpened another degree. Luxord looked thrilled sort of the way a wolf would be thrilled, looking at a lame deer. "Good work, Son. I'm going straight to the judge with this. We got him, Axel. We _finally_ got this corrupt bastard."

Breathing deeply, Axel nodded. "This is really enough?" He couldn't help asking. He just needed to be _sure_.

Luxord was standing, and he slapped Axel's shoulder reassuringly. "This gets us in the door, no question, and it gets us in without giving him any warning. They'll find the rest of the evidence we need to put this bastard away. He can't buy his way out of _this_."

"Thanks, Luxord," Axel sighed, feeling the knots of worry in his stomach untying themselves just a little.

"Thank _you_, Son. I'll call you later." The man patted his back again and headed to the door. Axel turned his steps toward the elevator, heading up to his cubicle to attempt to face a day of work while Roxas was _still_…

He had barely sat down at his desk and pulled out his laptop when Axel's phone rang. His boss' secretary's voice came through the line, asking Axel to report to his supervisor's office as soon as possible. Axel felt his shoulders stiffen up with renewed nerves. He wasn't due to meet with his supervisor over anything related to his regular job, and he had more than enough to worry about without some work problem added on top. _What now? What else could happen today? I can't deal with this…not until Roxas is safe…_

Nevertheless, he didn't have a choice. Knocking on his boss' doorpost, he looked in, trying to be casual. "You wanted to see me, Mr. Klepper?"

The old editor-in-chief looked up, his face neutral. "Axel, come in. Shut the door, would you? Take a seat."

_Oh dear God, what is this about? What's going on?_ Axel's mind was racing as he calmly shut the door and sat down across from his boss. "Something wrong, Sir?" He hoped his racing heartbeat wasn't loud enough to be heard across the large maple desk.

With a long exhalation, Mr. Klepper sat forward. "Axel…I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…well, I'll just be as direct as possible. Your employment with _The Daily Inquirer _is being terminated as of today. I have to ask you to clean out your desk and hand in your ID badge by the end of the day."

Axel blinked. For a long moment, he just sat there in stunned silence. _Wha…terminated? I'm…being fired?_ He shook himself briefly, trying to process what his boss had said. "I…uh, I'm sorry, I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?" His boss just shook his head, sighing. "Then is there a problem with my articles? Am I not covering my assignments well? Or…"

"It's not that, Axel," his boss cut in. "It's nothing that…damn." The man stopped, scratching a moment at his brows. "Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I don't know _what _the problem is. The order came down the ranks, maybe from the top. I _tried_ to tell Fred I couldn't afford to lose you, but he said Jim was getting your replacement for me, and what the hell am I supposed to say? I _told_ Fred that my people are my problem, I reminded him that I'm usually allowed to choose who I have on staff, but he couldn't tell me anything. Just said I had to fire you. The best I can do is ask Jim for the reason, which I'm gonna do, believe me, but I haven't been able to get in to see him yet. In the meantime, it was damn clear that I had to do this _today._"

Axel just sat there, stunned. He couldn't think of anything to say. His boss looked at Axel with regret clear on his face. "I'm sorry about this, Axel. I don't know what's going on and I hate to lose you, but that's the order. I'll let you know if anything changes. If I can find a way to hire you back I'll call you…and here." He handed Axel a sheet of paper. "For what it's worth, I wrote you a good reference. They didn't say I couldn't. So…here."

Reaching forward woodenly, Axel took the reference letter. He swallowed, blinking. "So…that's it?" He finally managed.

His boss nodded slowly. "I'm sorry." Then he added after a moment, "Good luck to you, Axel."

Blinking, Axel slowly took the offered hand and shook it. "I guess…" he stopped, not knowing what to say. It seemed dumb to say "thanks" when he was being fired. "Uh…you know how to reach me if…if anything changes," he finished lamely. His boss just nodded.

Axel left the office and returned to his cubicle in a daze. For the moment, his other worries were blasted out of his mind. _Fired…I don't have a job anymore. I have to…pack up I guess. What do I put my stuff in?_

He ended up grabbing an empty paper box from beside the copier, and he slowly filled it with his stuff, emptying out his desk and cubicle and throwing away whatever he didn't need. A co-worker noticed and asked him what was going on. Axel probably answered her…he wasn't focused though. After that, more co-workers, who must have heard, stopped by to offer their sympathies. Axel answered them woodenly. He said goodbye to some people. He picked up his box and his laptop case and headed back to the elevator. Still drifting, he left his badge with the receptionist at the front desk. He got all the way to his car before his mind woke up a bit, just enough to wonder… _What the hell do I do now?_

He sat in his car and stared at the steering wheel blankly for a moment, then pulled out his cell phone and called Demyx.

"Axel!" Demyx's voice answered on the last ring, sounding a little sleepy. _That's right…he isn't usually up this early._ "Hang on a sec. Can't wake Zexy," he mumbled, shuffling sounds coming over the line. After a moment he spoke again, a little louder. "What's up?"

"I got fired, Dem."

"_What?_" His friend suddenly sounded more awake.

"I…lost my job. I went in today, and they told me to pack up my stuff and hand in my ID. My boss couldn't tell me why, just…I'm fired."

"Oh my God," Demyx sounded as stunned as Axel still felt. "Oh my _God!_ How can they _do _that? Just like…damn. Are you okay? What are you gonna do?"

Struggling to focus, Axel dragged a hand through his hair. "I uh…I guess I'll go home and…wait to hear from Luxord."

"Why? What's he doing?"

_That's right…_ Axel had forgotten to call Demyx since finding the evidence against Xemnas. He quickly began explaining the night before and the results of the weekend's search. "Luxord is taking the papers to the judge to get a warrant, and he's gonna let me know what happens. But there's really nothing I can do right now…it's kinda up to the police. Not like they're gonna ask me along for the sting operation."

Demyx was slow to answer, and when he did, he sounded appalled. "I can't believe he was…I mean, I knew Xemnas was _bad_, he put Zexy through hell, but…wow. I would never have thought that he'd be…doing _that_…oh _God_…"

"And he's got Roxas." The words struck Axel with their truth, bringing back all his worries and fears in a rush. Losing his job faded fast, becoming, like everything else, a blip on the edge of his consciousness. A nothing. A minor, simple problem. An annoyance that was trying to distract him from something much more critical.

"At least…at least he won't, you know…_sell_ Roxas though, right? I mean…he's a little older, isn't he?"

The possibility hadn't occurred to Axel…but the moment Demyx mentioned it, Axel felt like his insides turned to ice. "He…the boys he was selling weren't _all_ really young. One was seventeen…"

"But seventeen is still a minor, right? Roxas is twenty, isn't he? Xemnas _couldn't_ sell him!"

Axel felt lightheaded with dread. _If he does…if Roxas is already gone…will I ever find him?_ "I don't know…I don't think age matters that much in sex slavery. I guess…if you're sold, you're sold." _Oh God I feel sick…Roxas…_

There was a pause before Demyx answered, his voice soft. "I'm sure he's not sold Axel. He'll be fine. They'll get him out of there today, right?"

It was hard to pull his thoughts together and answer. Hard to focus on the details. "I think…Luxord seemed to think he'd get the warrant pretty much right away…and they'd act on that kinda thing pretty fast. So…yeah. I think so. I guess I'll know for sure when Luxord calls me. How it's going and all."

"You don't wanna stay on the phone then, do you? Are you going home? Want me to come over?"

_Oh yeah…wait…_ "Uh, but it's not safe…" He wasn't sure why, he just seemed to remember something about that…

"Oh right. Want to come over here?"

Axel blinked rapidly, trying to think. "Maybe I shouldn't…" He remembered his "shadow" and looked around, searching to see if there were any suspicious cars or people seeming to linger around him anywhere. "I'm not sure…Luxord said when I met him that he didn't see anyone following me, but we didn't know if they just hadn't shown up yet or what. Or if maybe they're still watching the apartment, but not following me…I just don't know."

"But they don't know who I am…"

"But I don't need them getting curious and following you if they're still there. We can't let them find Zexion, right?" He took Demyx's silence as answer enough. "I appreciate it Dem. I'll call you again later if I find out something, okay?"

"Will you be all right by yourself?" Demyx didn't sound too happy about the idea.

"I'll be fine, Dem. Promise. Thanks though. I'll talk to you later."

Demyx reluctantly said goodbye, and Axel started the car and drove home. Still wondering if he was being followed, his eyes darted from the road to the rearview mirror…and then to his phone. Waiting for Luxord to call.

But the phone didn't ring, and Axel reached his apartment. He still couldn't tell if he was being watched as he carried his box of stuff up and unlocked his door. Finally inside, he dropped everything on the couch and collapsed, weak and tired from lack of sleep and constant worrying. His hand clutched his phone as Axel flipped it open and stared at the display. After a minute, he moved abruptly, needing to keep himself busy – his thoughts would torture him into madness if he didn't keep busy.

Fishing things out of the box, he began to put his office stuff away. Much of it ended up being taken into the bedroom, his "home office," to be shoved into desk drawers. Axel focused on his desk, still trying not to look too long at the bed. As he finished putting things away, his eyes fell on the wastebasket filled with crumpled paper. A memory surfaced, crystal clear in his mind.

_Roxas blushing…so cute and perfect…"No…that was me. Today. I'll explain a little later… Zexion suggested writing a few things down…" And he'd been holding him, and Roxas had said things…told him his feelings, and then…_

Axel choked on a sob that tried to break free…and struggled to focus. _That's right…he did this. He was trying to write something…I wonder…_ Reaching for the trash, Axel pulled out one crumpled ball of paper and spread it slowly out on the surface of his desk. A few lines of ink at the top were all it contained.

"_Dear Axel, I'm not very good at writing, but Zexion suggested I try this, because I want you to know I thought about this and I really mean what I say when…" _There was a patch of scribbling covering a few more words, and that was it. Axel swallowed, blinking rapidly before he reached for another piece of paper.

"_Dear Axel, Oh God this is hard. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to tell you how I feel about you. I've never felt anything like this, not ever. I love you so much and I…" _More scribble. _"…want to give you as much happiness as you've…"_ The line stopped, the crumpled paper demonstrating Roxas' frustration with the words. Though why he'd have thought these words weren't right, Axel didn't know. They made him happier than he could believe…or they _would_ have. _If he was safe and still here with me…_

Another ball of paper. _"Axel. You are the most important person in the world to me. I have to tell you…"_ Scribble._ "I hope you'll believe me…"_

Another paper. _"Axel, please believe me. I can't think of the right words but…but I love you so much, and I need you to know. I didn't understand before…_

Another paper. _"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. You're my whole world and you're wonderful and I want to be yours forever. I love you. I love you."_

Axel couldn't see through the thick haze of tears. The words blurred away to nothing, but then he blinked and the tears fell onto the crumpled paper and he could see the next letter. _"Dear Axel, Thank you so much for everything. You've waited for me and been more than I'll ever deserve, but I want to find a way to love you back as much as…"_

He couldn't hold back a sob this time. _"Axel, Will you believe me? Will you realize, if I write this down, if I find the right words, that I really do understand now? I know why you wanted to wait…you were right. But now the things I feel for you are so different. I love you so much…"_

Paper after paper. Partially-begun letters and little notes. Some that weren't even directed at him anymore. _"Argh! I can't do this! I can't write this down, he'll never understand how I feel if I can't but how can I find the words? I have to tell him!"_ Another page, a whole string of _"Damn it damn it damn it."_ Even the first two lines of a poem, followed by a brief note. _"In all my life I never knew, how love felt, till I met you… Oh my God that sucks. Fuck."_

Uncrumpled papers were spread all over the desk, Roxas' words and feelings spread out in front of him, and every little note was whispering agony into Axel's heart, because he loved Roxas, _he loved him so much_, but Roxas was gone, Axel had failed his lover, failed to keep him safe. He didn't even know if Roxas was still…_No_. He couldn't think of that. He _had_ to believe that his lover would be fine. _Roxas will be fine. He'll be free…today. And he'll come back, and I'll protect him and treasure him forever, and these feelings…this heart…I'm the one who doesn't deserve…but I'll love him. I'll love him so much…_

"_Axel. You __**will**__ believe me. I know you will, because you love me. And I trust you, because I love you."_

Hands shaking as he clutched the paper, Axel leaned forward and laid his forehead on the desk and broke down crying like a child.

~o~


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note:** First, those of you not on dA will not have heard about the side stories that are coming next, or _The Updating Schedule_ upon which they will be posted. You may read about that on my dA, or you may be pleasantly surprised if you like. :)

Second: yes, this is the final chapter. This is_ the end_. I feel like this chapter is a lot to get hit with all at once, but there you have it. _Planning_ works wonders in writing, and this fic has never had enough of it. :P So, sorry if it feels sudden. I recommend taking breather-breaks while reading to slow things down. :)

Third, asd;lkfajdslkgh! After almost _three years, _I'm finally finished with SMTM! OMFG bet you never thought I'd do it! XD Anyway, I just want to thank _all_ of you _so much_ for reading this fic and most especially for being so patient. Many of you have stuck with me for an almost unbelievable amount of time, and I deeply appreciate it. And even if you're newer to the party (or reading this after it's finished) _thank you so much_. I know it got a little dark there in places (DERP, YEAH) but if you've enjoyed the story in spite of that somehow, then these three years have been worth it. And _your support and kindness_ has been the reason I was able to stick to my guns and refuse to leave this unfinished. I still hope I'll never do that with anything I write.

So, before I ramble until the AN doubles the chapter length, I will just say one more huge THANK YOU to everyone, and I really hope you like the conclusion! (And the side stories, heehee.) 8D

* * *

Numbness. Haze. The world beyond Roxas' barely-open eyes felt far, far away, and he only wanted to push it further, to distance himself even more from the little he still felt and knew. Really, that didn't amount to much. The sounds of wet slapping – skin on skin – and a very dull, beating pain…that was all, really. He had stopped seeing the room, stopped feeling the damp sheet pressed to his cheek, and the few abusive words the man raping him bothered to spew had stopped registering some time ago. The world was slipping away, and Roxas was only too happy to let it go. He felt next to nothing now, which made everything so much easier.

_Almost there…hurry up and go away…_ He no longer thought about clinging to sanity. He'd forgotten about that dangerous threshold between abused and _broken_. He didn't know where the line was anymore…and he didn't care.

Something changed, but it took Roxas a long moment to realize it. He didn't hear the knock on the door and he wasn't aware when it opened immediately, without waiting for an answer or permission. The pounding pressure ceased, but the dull pain only faded marginally, and it took Roxas a moment to realize that this meant the rape had stopped. Voices filtered into his mind, an echo of someone else's urgency, but he didn't care. The sounds flowed over him meaninglessly at first, before he slowly began to hear words in the jumble, and he listened without any real interest.

"…_deepest apologies, Sir…"_

"_What the __**hell**__ do you think you're doing, interrupting…!"_

"_Sir, it's the police! They're here…"_

"…_no reason to bother __**me**__. Tell them to come back later…"_

"_They have a warrant!"_

Silence for a moment. Roxas thought nothing, just listened.

"_What did you say?"_

"_Sir, they have a signed search warrant and they've already entered the house. I came to let you know at once…"_

"_God damn it!"_ Movement swirled the air in the room, whisking a chill over Roxas' skin. He opened vacant eyes and registered the sight of Xemnas pulling on his dressing gown, the scar-faced one standing with rigid tension by the door. Roxas blinked and focused automatically on the only thing of importance – Xemnas tied the sash of the robe around himself. It was hurried, but it meant that he was leaving. Roxas sighed to himself almost dreamily. Whatever was going on – and he didn't care in the slightest – it would take Xemnas away for long enough that the man bothered with his sash. That…was a little droplet of bliss in Roxas' dark world.

He was just relaxing as the two men hurried toward the door – it must be safe to pass out now. No doubt he would be unconscious in minutes, he was so exhausted and hurt…which meant that he'd be awakened rather roughly, but Roxas was far beyond caring about that. Then, unexpectedly, a new voice broke in through the doorway – a deep, commanding tone, an unfamiliar voice. _Who…?_

"Xemnas Emmonds? I'm Officer Cid, city police. Would you please come with me for a…what the…!"

Cracking his eyes open again, Roxas could see figures clustered in the doorway. Xemnas seemed to be trying to push his way out, while someone new shoved him aside. Shocked demands were being talked over with angry defenses, things like, _"invading my privacy"_ and _"personal matter" _and _"no concern of the police, come with me, we can talk in my office…"_

Roxas closed his eyes and swallowed hard, struggling to force moisture into his throat, hoping he had enough voice left after all that screaming…

"Help…" He rasped weakly. The figures at the door paused, hearing him.

The commanding strength was back in the stranger's voice at once. "Please stand aside, sir, we have a warrant to investigate here…"

"Which has nothing to do with my private affairs, Officer! Your business is with me. I would ask that you not bother my partner…"

The voice, just a little rougher and firmer, cut him off, insisting. "I'm sure you'll excuse me for one moment, _sir_, but as a part of our investigation I must verify that this…person…is here voluntarily." Blustering protests from Xemnas about the suggestion being ridiculous – backed immediately by Saïx's voice – were forced aside. New voices seemed to be arriving, joining in, but Roxas couldn't sort out the jumble…and suddenly he was startled by a touch on his shoulder and a gruff voice, very close.

"Hey kid…you all right? Can you hear me?"

Roxas jerked reflexively, hearing a rattling clank as the handcuffs he'd forgotten about kept him bound to the headboard in front of him. He coughed. "Help me…st-stop…" Weak dizziness washed over him and the voice became indistinct for a moment.

"…_all right? Kid? Jesus, what the hell… Is he even legal?"_

"_Of course he is! And he fully consents to everything, so what we do is none of your concern…"_

"No…" Roxas managed to gasp. He was at the end of his strength and felt close to snapping, but he sensed the need to deny…something. Some part of him felt that it was very important to make something clear…but the familiar voice inside was hushing his struggling thoughts… _It doesn't matter, let them talk, rest now, rest…he'll be back soon, so rest…_

"Kid!" A gentle shake brought the world suddenly close again – almost too suddenly. Clarity was too loud, to solid…it was frightening. "Kid, answer me! Are you here by your own choice? Is your relationship with this man consensual?"

The question didn't make sense…but the touch did. It reminded him of rough, male hands. Violating… "Stop! Don't t-touch me!"

Miraculously, the touch was removed. The deep voice gentled a little, but remained insistent. "Kid, listen to me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I need to know – _do you agree to what this guy is doing to you?_"

"No." Roxas' voice ached, and the world was spinning, and he wasn't sure who was speaking or why. _A stranger…_ He couldn't trust strangers. _Man…touched me…_ "No, no, no! Let me go, let me…" _Axel. Only Axel. _"Help me, Axel, help! Axel…!" Pain cut into his wrists, but Roxas had forgotten why, again. The voice was speaking, but he couldn't hear it through the deafening rush of panic that swept through him as he slowly became aware of more people, more voices, confusion, shocked exclamations… _Axel! _

"_Don't touch me!"_ He screamed suddenly, and then the words were gone and he was struggling mindlessly, yanking again and again at arms that wouldn't move, irrationally terrified by everything and nothing… And blackness was closing over his vision as another deep, strong voice came close, frighteningly close, and his screams sank into terrified moans of, "No, nooo," before Roxas went limp on the bed.

~o~

"Get the medics in here, now!" The newest voice took over the room, commanding officers quickly, efficiently, and calmly. "Officer Cid, what did you learn?"

"It's pretty clear he ain't here by choice, sir."

"Hm." A short grunt. "I see…" The tall man strode forward, looking down at Roxas' limp form. Then he turned abruptly to Xemnas. "Were you aware that this boy matches the description of a young man recently reported missing and possibly kidnapped?"

"I don't know anything about that." Clad in his dressing gown, arms crossed over his chest, Xemnas was stiff and cold.

"I'm sure. Well, we're going to have to detain you for questioning. Officer Cid, please see this gentleman out to a car."

"Yes, Detective. Come on, Emmonds."

"Detective Lexaus!" A younger officer rushed into the room. "Sir…you should come see this."

A grunt. "What did you find?"

"In the basement, sir…" He glanced at Xemnas, who scowled furiously but sealed his lips tight and allowed himself to be led away. "We found people…prisoners. You…you just have to see."

~o~

The loud and sudden ringing of his cell phone snapped Axel awake. He blearily fumbled among uncrumpled papers for the phone, left lying within reach on his desk. _Must've…fallen asleep. Who is it?_ He read the display.

_Luxord_.

Axel almost dropped the phone trying to answer it.

Thirty seconds later, he was jumping in his car, starting the engine, and speeding off in the direction of the address Luxord had told him over the phone. He didn't know much about what was going on, only that it had sounded like Luxord was on the scene…whatever that meant and wherever that was. Axel really only knew one thing, and it was all he cared about.

"_Looks like they found your friend, Roxie. It ain't really protocol, but from what I hear, he needs ya. Get here and I'll get you in."_

Axel drove dangerously fast the whole way to the upscale neighborhood in the suburbs. The address wasn't hard to find – he figured as soon as he turned into the gated community that it had to be the mansion with all the cop cars and flashing ambulance lights out front. He parked two houses away on the street – the closest he could get – and barely held his pace to a quick jog rather than a full sprint to the house, eyes searching for Luxord.

Fortunately, he spotted the blond reporter in the yard, talking to a tall man in a suit and jotting notes in a pad. Almost at the same moment, a uniformed figure appeared in his path, stopping him and saying something about keeping back and going no further. Axel ignored what the officer was saying and called Luxord's name. The reporter glanced up, saw him, and immediately pointed toward him, speaking to the tall brunet again. The other man looked toward Axel as well – he had a remarkably large, square jaw, Axel noticed for no reason – and after a pause, nodded and headed toward him, waving the cop aside.

"Axel, is it?" A giant hand was extended to him and Axel took it, shaking quickly – only half his attention was on the man. His eyes kept darting around the yard and toward the house, looking for Roxas… "I'm Detective Lexaus. I understand you know one of our victims." _Victim? Oh God, is he okay? Roxas… _"Were you the one who reported a 'kidnapping' of a young man named Roxas?"

"Yes, is he here? Is he okay? What did they find? What's going on? Where's Roxas?" Half of Axel's questions were directed at the detective, while the others were fired at Luxord just as rapidly. He was probably on the verge of panicking. He really didn't give a shit. All Axel cared about was finding Roxas and holding him and _knowing that he was okay_.

Lexaus frowned, looking like he was going to try to calm Axel before answering, but Luxord cut in with a significant glance. "He's the kid's uncle. He's been worried sick." Lexaus glanced at the blond, arching an eyebrow. Luxord met his eyes and added, "Actually, you have him to thank for your warrant, too."

A deeper frown. "I thought that was you. After all this time…"

A hard smirk. "Couldn't've done it without him. Why don't ya let the guy see his nephew?"

After another short pause, Lexaus nodded. "Follow me." Axel's insides dissolved in relief. He caught Luxord's eyes and mouthed a silent thanks. Luxord nodded quickly, not answering because Detective Lexaus was speaking again. "We found," he cleared his throat, "several people on the premises, but one in particular matched the description of the missing persons report. He identified himself as 'Roxie' when he came around, but Luxord here tells me that's a nickname of sorts, so I expect it's your nephew." He fell silent a moment as they continued to stride quickly across the large front lawn. "You should be prepared for what you'll see. The medics have been seeing to him, but he'll be taken to the hospital as soon as possible. Last word I had, he was resisting treatment. Making things a little tough for us."

Axel felt cold. Cold in his stomach, in his bones, creeping out and covering his skin. "What…happened to him? Is he…isn't he okay?" _Oh God please let him be okay._ He had to remind himself quickly, _He's alive, he's __**is**__ alive, so it will be fine, it __**will**_.

A young officer opened the front door and held it for them. Luxord and Axel followed the detective into the house. "To be honest with you…it seems pretty clear that he was being raped when we got here."

Knees buckling in weakness and shock, Axel stumbled, almost hitting the floor before he caught himself. A tight grip around his arm – Luxord – hauled him back up. Axel tried to answer or say something, but his mind was blank. He felt sick.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a gnawing dread had been whispering this possibility, ever since Roxas was taken. There, in that corner he hadn't wanted to look, Axel had known what was happening to his lover – it had been the driving reason for his agony and panic. But now, hearing it, having the truth confirmed…he hadn't been ready for this. This assault, after what they'd shared together…Axel felt Roxas' suffering as if it were his own, and he felt his failure twice as keenly as before. _I let this happen to him…_

Detective Lexaus had stopped and turned to face him. "Listen. He's got a lot of injuries. He passed out shortly after we found him, and I was told that he panicked when he woke up. Seemed to think he was being attacked again. They've been trying to calm him down so they can treat him, but he goes a little wild when anyone gets near him. What I need from you is – _stay calm_. If you go in there and react too much, you'll just make things worse. He might recognize you, but it won't help if you're not calm. If you can't keep a hold of yourself, for his sake, I can't let you in." He paused, watching Axel carefully. Axel fought to clear his mind and focus. Lexaus finished, "On the other hand, if you can handle it, we could really use the help getting him to the hospital."

Forcing his breathing to remain slow and even, Axel fought off the light-headedness. He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest in little threads, imagining Roxas suffering so much…but he could do anything if Roxas needed it. If Roxas needed to get to the hospital, Axel could control himself and comfort his lover and get him there. He paused a moment, breathing and collecting his resolve, then nodded firmly at the detective. Lexaus grunted in approval. "Okay."

He led Axel the rest of the way down a short hall to an open door. Inside, in a small parlor…

_Roxas._

He didn't see the medic or the cop at the door. He saw only the huddled figure on the couch, wrapped in a white hospital blanket, just a tuft of golden hair poking out. It took everything he had in him to keep from rushing the huddled figure of his lover. Reciting the command to _stay calm_ to himself, he managed to approach carefully and kneel slowly in front of the couch. He had to swallow before he could trust his shaking voice.

"Roxas…hey. It's me. Axel." The figure didn't move at first, except to stiffen a little further. Axel blinked rapidly and spoke even softer. "Roxas…babe, look at me, please. It's Axel, babe…Axel. It's okay now, Roxas. Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore. Please look at me?"

After a long moment, Roxas slowly pulled the blanket back from his face, just a bit. Just enough to look out…and break Axel's heart all over again with his wide, terrified blue eyes. His face was gaunt, the beautiful features tense and tortured, a dark bruise circling one eye and spreading over the side of his face. The sight blurred suddenly as Axel lost control of his tears. He blinked them away rapidly, just as a thin, small voice answered.

"…Axel?"

"Yeah, Roxas." His voice was rough and hard to keep steady, but he needed to reach out and comfort his lover…and he didn't want to scare Roxas by touching him suddenly. "It's Axel. I'm here now, babe. I'm sorry it took me so long. You're safe now, Roxas. Everything's okay now."

Roxas didn't speak. He just stared at Axel, expression frozen. After another long moment, the blanket parted a little more, and a trembling hand emerged from its folds, reaching slowly for Axel's face. Axel choked at the sight of Roxas' wrist – raw with sores and scabs, there was almost no whole skin left. His tears fell even faster…and then a shaky touch brushed over his cheek.

Roxas still didn't speak, and Axel just held still, letting unsteady fingers touch him as he breathed deeply and fought to bring his tears under control. Roxas' touch gradually grew firmer, pressing carefully at first, then more strongly, as if Roxas was making sure Axel was real. Finally, as the touch began to thread into Axel's hairline, Roxas spoke again.

"Axel…" His voice shook with tears, which spilled over and made holding his own back impossible for Axel. "Axel…sorry. I'm sorry…" A sob cut him off there.

Axel wasn't sure what Roxas thought he needed to apologize for, but as he reached for the blond, he didn't have time to wonder. Roxas had done nothing wrong, there was nothing to forgive, and Axel would love him out of whatever guilt he felt. For now, however, he needed to hold Roxas – hold him and be _sure_ that everything would be all right. Roxas flinched at the first touch, but his hand didn't withdraw from Axel's face. Carefully, Axel rose and sat beside the huddled figure on the couch, wrapping his arms around the blanket enfolding Roxas and drawing him close. The figure shivered in his arms, but didn't panic, and Axel clung to him like he would never let go. In this moment, he didn't think he would, either.

Lowering his head until his lips were just above Roxas' ear, Axel whispered, "I love you, Roxas."

Shuddering, Roxas sobbed and abruptly turned and clung to Axel, who instinctively clutched him closer. Roxas' tears dampened his shirt, and Axel's fell into golden hair, and they just held each other for a long moment.

It was all they needed.

~o~

"About the kids in the basement, then…"

The detective interrupted the reporter. "I'm busy, Luxord. Collecting evidence. That sort of thing. Isn't that more important than your big scoop?"

A sharp, wolfish grin. "You'll get your evidence, it ain't going anywhere. And you can't blame me for wanting to make the most of this. Besides, you owe me a favor or two yourself, don't ya, _Detective?_"

The giant sighed heavily. "Fine. We found seven boys imprisoned in the basement. The entire room had been converted into a large dungeon, with a dozen closet-sized rooms off the main area, seven of which were serving as holding cells for these boys. The entire area was obviously dedicated to bondage and fetish stuff. So far, we don't know who all the boys were, but they appear to be adolescents, they were clearly being subjected to some kind of sexual enslavement, and two of them match descriptions of boys reported missing this year."

"What about the allegations of human trafficking being leveled at the CEO of KH Holdings and Corporation?" Luxord asked the question with a small grin. It wasn't so much lack of knowledge that made him ask – more like lack of a really salacious quote from the head detective. Lexaus sighed, but humored him.

"Preliminary evidence led us to investigate Xemnas Emmonds for possible human trafficking. We've collected papers from his office that seem to confirm this – apparently correspondence with buyers. We've been issued a warrant for Emmonds' arrest for suspicion of human trafficking, sexual assault against minors, illegally detaining and possibly kidnapping at least seven individuals, and various other charges. Whether or not Emmonds is guilty will be for the courts to decide."

Luxord frowned at the last statement, glancing up. "That last bit might not make it into the article, ya know."

Lexaus' expression remained dull. "Well, you're free to draw your own conclusions. You will anyway; you always do."

A snort. "Can't you give me something else? A little 'It looks bleak for him' at least?"

A long, stony stare. "It looks bleak," Lexaus finally intoned flatly. "Are we even yet? I really am busy…" As if to corroborate his complaint, a medical officer approached them in the hall at that moment.

"Sir, we really need to get this one to the hospital as soon as possible." He gestured over to the two figures still huddled on the couch in the next room. "We can't be sure how severe his injuries are, but at the very least, he needs to be treated for priapism immediately."

Luxord folded away his notebook. "Can Axel go with him?"

A silent glance, then a raised eyebrow at the medic. When the man nodded, Luxord stepped forward. "I'll get them going for you then. Thanks Lex. We're square." He took a few steps and glanced back with a sly grin. "For now."

Then the blond reporter was entering the room, approaching the couch and gently touching the redhead's shoulder, "Son…"

Lexaus heaved a sigh and got back to the messy business of hauling in everything he'd need to put away one of the most slippery corrupt businessmen to ever hold the city under his controlling thumb.

~o~

Epilogue

_One year later. Fall._

Cotton-ball clouds raced across the sky, pushed along by the brisk autumn wind. Fallen leaves edged the path through the cemetery. Two figures walked through the gravestones, shuffling their feet a little through the dry, crackling leaves.

Hand in hand.

When they reached one particular grave, Roxas and Axel both set to work clearing away the leaves that had gathered over the mound and small headstone. "We should bring something to trim the grass with next time, huh?" Axel offered gently. Roxas nodded, sniffling a little.

It was his first trip back to this place since the funeral, and he'd tried to prepare himself, but… It was hard. He understood that he needed to face her loss and allow himself to grieve properly. It was a part of his therapy. He knew that. But being here, seeing the mound of earth and knowing…knowing this was where his sister's body lay…he wasn't sure how to handle the sudden pain and sorrow.

_Naminé…I miss you_.

Axel was quiet and close, not intruding with comments or questions…pretending, for the time being, that he didn't see the tears escaping from Roxas' eyes, forming wet tracks down his cheeks. When they finished clearing the grave – and when Roxas had placed a small bouquet of white lilies at the base of the headstone – they stood up and stood back, looking down on the little plot. Roxas remembered the last time he'd been here. The spring sunshine had been warm – it had been a beautiful spring last year…and Naminé had only seen the beginnings of it, and that had been through a hospital window. _She didn't even get to enjoy…her last spring…_ A sob escaped Roxas' throat, and the next moment a gentle arm was wrapping around his shoulders as Axel drew him close, and Roxas turned his face into his lover's chest and shook a little with silent tears.

When the sobs finally faded, Roxas took a deep breath – drinking in the comforting familiarity of Axel's scent – and then pulled back to stand beside the other man and face his sister's grave again. He remembered the last time, standing here, struggling to think of something to say, some way to say _goodbye_…and his cell phone, and the message to "Come," and the guilt and shame that had silenced him and left him with nothing to say to her.

He'd been working through things since then. It was better. Not perfect, not yet – but better. Axel had helped…no, Axel had _made it possible._ All of it. And Axel being by his side today was the reason he could stand here at all, and Axel's love and support was the reason he knew what to say this time.

"Hey Nami," he began softly, addressing the grave even though he knew… _She's not there, not really._ "I'm…sorry it's taken me so long to come by. From now on…I'll visit sometimes, kay? Promise." He glanced to the side and took Axel's hand before continuing. "Today…I wanted to introduce you to this guy. This…is Axel." He smiled a little, remembering. "I told you about him a little. He's the guy you were gonna walk me down the aisle for, remember?"

Glancing up, Roxas caught Axel staring at him, eyes wide and a disbelieving smile on his face seeming to say, _Oh really?_ Shrugging one shoulder, Roxas blushed and continued talking to his sister. The subject would certainly come up again on the way home, but Axel wasn't going to interrupt right now.

"Um, so yeah…this is Axel, Nami. I wanted you to know that…I love him. Things were hard for a while, after you…um. But I'm getting better now, so you don't need to worry, and it's mostly thanks to him." He looked up at his lover again and smiled. "Right now, he's helping me apply to community college. You know how you were worried about my future? Well, I had this thought a while ago, and I decided that I wanted to try becoming a counselor for people with…rough pasts. You know. Like mine. My therapist thinks I could make a really good counselor too, having been through everything like I have. So I'm gonna start taking classes, either next spring or maybe in a year. So…" He swallowed. "So you don't need to worry anymore, okay?"

Roxas felt Axel squeeze his hand, and he took a deep breath. "I miss you a lot, Nami, but…I know you always wanted me to be happy. So…so I wanted you to know…I _am_ happy. I have Axel…and I know you're watching out for me. Hope you don't mind keeping an eye on him too…he's, uh, pretty important to me." Roxas grinned weakly. _That's about it._ He felt lighter, all of a sudden. Like he could breathe again; like something that had been burdening his mind had come off him at last.

There was a short silence before Axel tugged his hand, making Roxas look up again. His lover was looking down at him questioningly. "Can I…?" He nodded at the grave. Roxas understood and nodded. Axel cleared his throat.

"Um. Hey Naminé. Sorry I never got a chance to meet you in person. But uh, from what I hear, you were a pretty special girl." Roxas blinked rapidly and felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him close again as Axel continued. "I just wanted you to know how much I love your brother. I promise to take care of him and never leave him. So you can take it easy, because…he's not alone."

_I'm not alone._ That thought rang clearly in Roxas' mind, answering a little hollow pain that had been almost forgotten. That memory – the first time here. Standing alone under the sun, feeling like he had no one in the world, no reason to go on living – that hollow feeling of being utterly _alone_.

But that feeling was gone now – filled in with the warmth of Axel's presence and…his love.

_I'm really not alone._

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Roxas bumped Axel's ribs with his shoulder and smiled. "Sap," he mumbled.

Axel grinned gently and ruffled his hair. "Shut up."

They smiled at each other for a few moments before Roxas had to squint as the breeze blew his hair into his eyes. He shoved a hand through his hair, and Axel offered, "Ready to go home?"

Roxas inhaled again, deeply, looking down at the grave. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready." Then he took Axel's hand again and they turned to follow the path back to Axel's car.

_I'll always miss you, Nami…but I'm really okay now. So…goodbye._

The two young men departed, returning to the city together and to their shared lives, hand in hand as they strolled though the autumn afternoon. And the breeze sifted through the long grass over the girl's grave, the air quiet and peaceful, secluded from the noise of the city. It brushed over the white petals of Nami's lilies, then slipped away to chase after the two figures vanishing through the gate.

_Going home_.

~o~

_The End_

~o~


	33. Side Story 1: White Lies

**Author's Note: **Holy wet willies you guys, you're all way too nice, like for realz. O.o AHEM. Anyway, here's the first side story! :D Marluxia explains his Tragic Past (lol) and Vexen is an idiot who gets lucky, and Axel keeps up his end of the bargain for Sora's purchase from Reno. (Remember that briefly-mentioned possibility? It happened.) :) Also, in the end - Roxas makes lasagna, or tries to learn how to. XD (It can be a complicated dish for a beginner!)

Bon appetite! ;D

* * *

**White Lies**

Axel knew he had a debt to pay. He'd struck a deal with a "man" in a questionable profession, and he was well aware that the debt could be called in at any time and he couldn't say a thing about it. He just hadn't expected his part of the deal to require so much…rehearsal.

On Marluxia's orders, he'd gotten up early and paid a visit to the red-light district before dawn every day this week. After an hour, he'd been allowed to head off to work. His days this week had consequently been miserably long, and the worst part was he didn't get to say goodbye to Roxas in the morning. He had to leave before his lover was awake. It didn't much matter to Axel that it was only for a week and that Marluxia had explained everything to Roxas, who was surprisingly fine with it. To Axel, it was still a great source of resentment.

On top of that, he wasn't too wild about the favor Marluxia was demanding as payment for saving Sora. It was way too borderline. So what if Roxas had laughed it off – well, chuckled into his hand discreetly? That didn't mean _Axel _found it all that funny. But Marluxia was insistent, and Axel supposed he had to admit, after hearing the whole story one "rehearsal" morning, that he could see why the man was doing this.

He also now understood what the deal had been with that screaming blond businessman on a Saturday morning a few months ago. The morning Roxas had been taken…

~o~

"His name is Vexen. We go way back, I guess you'd say. Sorry he got in the way that day…"

"Yeah," Axel answered, leaning back in the chair Marluxia had offered him in his office. "What was _that _about?"

The boss – looking a lot less feminine now that he'd changed into his street clothes – sighed and ran a hand through his pink hair. "That was a fine example of the kind of insane jealousy I'm hoping to put an end to, with your help."

Axel raised an eyebrow. He didn't mean to be nosey, but if he was going to have to do…stuff like _this_…he wanted to know that there was a good reason. The other man read his expression and relented. The story began.

"Okay. Like I said, we go way back. High school, actually. We were classmates, but we didn't talk that much. He was a geek, I was…not. You don't need my whole fucking biography, but the point is that I figured a few things out in high school and earned a bit of a reputation by the time I got out. We didn't talk much, but the whole school knew I slept around with men, so of course he knew too. Anyway, that was all and we graduated and I didn't see him again for at least ten years."

Marluxia paused, taking a deep breath. "When I _did_ see him again, I didn't recognize him. He was this successful science and technology business guy who showed up here one weekend. I guess _he'd_ figured a few things out by then, but he has never been open about it. Oh and he still isn't, by the way, so just…don't out him, okay?" Axel nodded. He didn't think that would be a hard promise to keep. Just don't tell people that some guy was gay? Easy. "So he shows up here, and at that time, see, I hadn't had this place open for too long, and I was still really young and hot. And I'd started selling myself right out of high school to make a living, so I was kinda still doing that. Not regularly, because being 'Mama' was my main thing now, but I still had old clients who would come back sometimes, or the occasional request at the bar. And since I didn't have any reason to refuse, I took them. I took _him_ as a customer a few times before he let it slip that we went to high school together, and then I remembered him."

"Long story short," Marluxia continued, "he started coming every other week or so, and he kept coming regularly for years, and I stopped charging him ages ago." Axel's reporter observation skills noted a slight coloring to the other man's cheeks as he spoke, and Axel guessed the reason before the man confirmed it. "Neither of us wanted it like that anymore. And by that time, I'd already cut off almost every other customer I'd been taking. There were only like two left, and once I stopped charging Vexen, I stopped selling to anyone, period."

A tiny smile broke over Axel's face at the overly-nonchalant tone the other man was taking. If he'd been a woman, he'd probably have been tempted to interrupt with an "Awwwww!" As it was, he just smirked quietly for a moment and let Marluxia keep talking.

However, the other man's face was now darkening. "Problem is," he grumbled, "there was a while there when I was still _for sale_, I guess you'd say. Plus, he knows just how far back that goes with me. I _told_ him there was no one else anymore, and for a while there he believed me and everything was lovely. But then some jackwad from my past butts his ass in at the wrong time and won't take _no_ for an answer, and Vexen walks in on it before I get a chance to punch the dickhead, and that brainless blond genius gets the wrong idea. Ever since then, he can't trust me. I'm always trying to tell him there's no one else, and he's always thinking I'm cheating on him, and it's…well. We can't go on like this." Marluxia's expression was closed, his posture stiff and stressed. "We won't last. And…I want us to. You know…last. So I have to get him to trust me again."

Things finally began to make sense for Axel. "So…_that's _why you came up with this whole scene," he tapped the script – the typed and stapled _script_ – that Marluxia had provided the day before, "and why you need me? _This _is gonna convince him that you've stopped selling yourself?" _Is he an idiot?_ Axel didn't want to add that last thought, considering the nature of Marluxia's relationship with the man in question, but he couldn't help thinking that this scenario was a little silly and implausible. The other man evidently understood his meaning, however, because he rolled his eyes.

"I know. He's…not that bright. I mean, in some things he's a genius, but in relational stuff I think he's retarded. Something like this? I really think it'll work. I think if he _sees_ it and hears it from someone _other_ than me, he'll believe it."

Axel hesitated. "And so I just…do this," he tapped the script again, "and then my debt is clear? What if he doesn't buy it?"

Picking at his manicured nails, Marluxia paused, frowning. "If you do it right. If you don't mess it up and it's convincing…yeah. We're even."

"Even if it doesn't work?" Axel pressed.

Another pause, then a nod. "I think it will, but yeah. Even if it doesn't. If it comes to that and I need you again, _I'll_ owe _you_, and it would be up to you if you wanted to help me out."

A little incredulous, Axel couldn't help thinking of the amount of money this favor was being traded for – the cost of Sora's purchase from Reno. "This is worth _that much_ to you?"

His answer was a sharp, cold glare. Marluxia seemed to be daring him to press that question any further. Axel took that for his answer and shrugged. "All right." Since Marluxia had already talked to Roxas and it was okay…and since the man had put down so much money to help Sora and all he wanted was Axel's help with this…the reporter figured he could put his personal feelings about the little skit aside. It was only for a week of practice and then one show. He could do this.

~o~

When Saturday morning came, Axel was a lot better rehearsed, but still a little less sure about his ability to pull this scene off. Besides, he'd had more than enough of certain parts of the performance while rehearsing them. He didn't really want to do this again. It made his skin crawl a little. Nothing against Marluxia, just…he didn't like it. But he had to do it once more; _Once more and that's it_, he kept reminding himself as he and Marluxia took their places behind the bar, in sight of the window. _I can do this. Sora's not getting killed or raped, and he's got a shot at life. That's worth this much, at least._

"You ready?" Marluxia stood about a foot away, next to the door that led to the backroom and his office. He was wearing his street clothes, as if he were on his way out. Axel, for his part, was also dressed casually – though in reality, he never wore clothes this…_tight_. The aim was to show off his body and make him as obviously sexy as possible. Also, he hadn't shaved this morning and his hair was a little disheveled. This was to make him look desperate – a sexy, desperate, rejected lover.

The sexy, desperate, rejected lover nodded resignedly. Marluxia, who had been keeping one eye on the window for the past few minutes, didn't bother to register the answer. He cut in abruptly, "There he is! Go!"

In a flash, the scene had begun, leaving Axel barely a moment for one last internal groan before he was grabbing Marluxia's intimidating biceps and shaking him, expression pleading and wild. "Please, Mar! Please, baby, just once more!" His voice was loud – the words might not be heard outside, but the tone and volume were sure to catch someone's attention.

"For the last fucking time, _no!_" Marluxia made a show of trying to throw him off, but glanced to the window again out of the corner of his eye. Axel, from his angle, couldn't see, but Marluxia whispered, "Good." It was the signal that their visitor was watching. The show was on.

"Why not?" Axel demanded, letting his voice climb to a yell. "You weren't like this before, damn it! Why get all prissy with me now?"

Still struggling, Marluxia also started yelling. "I told you, I don't _do_ that stuff anymore! When will you get the message?" The door made a small creak. _Good. He can definitely hear now._

"But _why_, baby? We were great together! Can you really throw this away? Don't you remember how _good_ it was?" Axel made an obvious and partially-successful effort to pull the struggling man against his body.

Marluxia was vehement and firm. "I don't _care_. You just can't get it through your thick skull, can you? I _have_ someone now, I _love_ him, and I've never cheated on him and I never will! Find another fuck!"

"I don't _wanna!_ I want _you!_" Axel growled the words, readying himself internally for his least-favorite part of the skit. As he finished his line, he grabbed Marluxia by the back of the neck and crushed their mouths together in a "surprise" kiss. The other man continued to struggle as Axel squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to gag as he violently tongued the other man. _Roxas Roxas Roxas this is Roxas it's Roxas…but it's nothing __**like**__ Roxas, __**eww**__!_ All through rehearsals he'd done his best to imagine Marluxia as Roxas for this part…but it had never worked. Fortunately, it didn't have to last long.

Marluxia bit him.

"Ow!" Axel yelled pulling back suddenly…just in time for the other man to slap him across the face. "_Ow!_" Axel yelled louder. _Evil little…!_ They'd rehearsed that too, but Marluxia had never hit him that hard in practice. _That hurt!_ "Damn it, Mar…!"

"You'll never have me again, you bastard!" Marluxia spat the words, seemingly shocked and furious. "For the last time, _I never want to see your face again_. Now get out of my bar, before I slice your fucking dick off!" With that, the "enraged" whorehouse boss shoved Axel aside and slammed the door to the back room behind him.

Axel drew back at the threat, then moved as if to follow Marluxia anyway. But when the door slammed, he stopped, fists against the wood for a moment as he leaned there, looking beaten. Then he turned abruptly, keeping his face dark with anger as he stormed out.

The moment he turned toward the door, he saw the blond guy. Vexen jumped back, trying to hide for a moment, but Axel didn't give him a chance to run – he still had lines to deliver. He stomped straight to the door and threw it open, pausing a moment on the threshold to address the listener.

"Here to see _him, _huh? Good _luck_," he huffed.

The blond man blinked. He looked like he was catching on, but slowly. His expression became furtive, then overly casual. "Oh?" He questioned uncertainly. "What do you mean?" The man's "casual" act was pretty transparent, even if Axel hadn't been good at reading people. _Poor guy, trying to be subtle._ It was almost amusing.

But Axel had to finish his act. "I _mean_," he huffed, "that, in case you haven't noticed, the nicest fuck on the block has taken himself completely off the market. _Nobody_ gets a piece of that ass anymore, except some lucky bastard who Pretty Boy says he's in love with or something. Here I thought he'd have changed his mind after all this time, but no such luck. Looks like he's really cut off all his men. God damn it." Axel kicked the doorpost in frustration. The blond man seemed stunned – his eyes were wide and Axel could see him trying to process this. "Anyway," he continued, "let me know if _you_ get anywhere with him. I'm not the only one who wishes he'd change his mind. He's pretty hard to forget, even after all this time." Axel finally moved to trudge away, mumbling just loud enough for Vexen to hear, "Stupid slut."

He hadn't expected anything else – his job from here on out was no longer scripted, he just had to stay in character if Vexen asked anything else. So Axel was expecting something along the lines of a question when Vexen turned abruptly and stopped him with a "Wait!"

A rather weak open hand connected with his face suddenly, making Axel jump back and blink, more from surprise than pain. It was certainly nothing compared to the slap Marluxia had given him. But the blond looked a little shaken by his own actions. He was clutching his hand and rubbing it. "D-don't…don't call him that!" The stuttering yell was both awkward and angry, but in spite of the sudden lashing out Axel felt more pity for the guy than fear of him. Vexen, however, didn't stick around to see if there would be a reaction, so Axel didn't have to come up with one that would be in character. The man turned on his heel rapidly and almost fled into the bar, slamming the door behind him. Axel watched through the window as he nervously glanced back, disappearing behind the bar and then into the back room.

_Huh. That's it, I guess. _Axel smiled to himself. _What an awkward guy. Oh well. Looks like it worked. Or…if that wasn't good enough, at least my part's done. Let's see… "exeunt"? Yeah…_ Axel turned and headed down the sidewalk, back to his car. A smile spread over his face as he contemplated the rest of the day – Saturday. _Roxas will be waking up soon…_

~o~

_Much _later that afternoon, Axel answered a phone call. The voice on the other end was soft, almost whispering.

"Axel? It's Marluxia. Just wanted to let you know that we're totally even now, and I won't be asking for any more favors." There was an audible smile in the whispering voice.

"Glad to hear it," Axel answered, smiling a little himself. "Thanks again for taking Sora. I hope he works out there…"

"Oh, don't you worry," the man's voice was still soft. "I've got him doing office stuff for now. And he isn't allowed anywhere _near_ the rooms that might scare him." Axel remembered from past conversations that Marluxia was probably talking about a room or two that were dedicated to the more bondage-type stuff.

"That's probably a good idea," Axel agreed. "Anyway, good luck with everything."

"Thanks, baby."

"Want to talk to Roxas at all?"

"Nah, that's okay," Marluxia answered. "I've got your number. I'll give him a call some time. Tell him I said take care though, kay?" Axel heard a low voice murmur through the line, but the words were muffled. "Bye bye then," Marluxia quickly finished. The line went dead.

Axel decided not to wonder too much about the whispered conversation. He shrugged, but couldn't help smiling a little. _Thank God that turned out okay._

"Hey Axel, can you come here?" Roxas' voice called from the kitchen.

He hung up the phone with a grin. "Coming!"

~o~

"Who's on the phone?" Vexen mumbled sleepily, rolling over.

"Bye bye then." Marluxia hung up and rolled back toward his lover. "No one sweetie. Telemarketer."

"Unh." The half-asleep blond grunted, flopping an arm around Marluxia's hips. The man allowed his lover to pull him closer.

Vexen was already dozing off again, and Marluxia had to smile as he watched the man sleep. _He always frowns like that, even asleep_, Marluxia mused. _I told him it would give him wrinkles. I was right._ Vexen's fine lines weren't so fine anymore, and he looked particularly old when asleep. _Well…we'll both be forty in a few more years. _Marluxia brushed a strand of blond hair away from the man's face. _And you'll still be mine…_

"Sweet dreams, old man. I will _always_ be prettier than you," Marluxia whispered with a fond smirk. Then he snuggled down against Vexen's slightly-cooler body, letting his own warm, bare skin press against his "old man." Who was still something of a baby inside…but who was finally _his_ baby. His great, big, awkward, unpretty scientist who always bought him wretchedly tacky flowered dresses because he knew Marluxia liked dressing like a woman. And Vexen had terrible taste, but _he_ thought the dresses looked beautiful, and Marluxia was happy enough with that.

~o~


	34. Side Story 2: Making Ends Meet

**Author's Note:** You might have to use your imagination to fill in the end on this one. ;)

* * *

**Making Ends Meet**

When Marluxia brought Sora to his bar for the first time, it was an uninteresting late afternoon – a Monday. The "purchase" had been routine – Reno had earned himself an obligatory smack for an inappropriate comment – and the trip back uneventful. The boss had led the wide-eyed boy into the back room of his bar and quickly dumped him off on his accountant, needing to take care of a few things before he could get back to Sora.

The accountant stood in the doorway of his office and blinked. The little brunet stood in the middle of the short hall and didn't blink.

"Riku." The silver-haired young man jumped slightly, looking up. "This is Sora. Keep him back here with you for a few minutes, okay? I need to talk to the cleaning staff and I'll be back. Oh, and don't say anything to scare him. He'll be working back here for now."

"Uh huh." Riku's response was expressionless. He nodded at the boy. "Come on."

Sora hesitated until Marluxia gently encouraged him. "Go on with Riku, Honey. I'll be back to get you settled in just a second, kay?" The boy nodded, following Riku into the accountant's office.

Riku pointed the boy to a seat in the corner and returned to work. He stared at his monitor as if intent on the spreadsheet. Sora fiddled with his shirt hem and didn't look up to see aqua-colored eyes that kept glancing at him through the reflections on the screen.

When Marluxia returned, they hadn't spoken a word. The boss showed his new employee a small room – almost a closet – above the bar. It could only be reached from the back – it was entirely separate from the other upstairs rooms and had mostly been used for storage until now. Then he sat down with the boy and explained the terms of Sora's stay.

"You aren't my _property, _okay? I paid Reno for your debt contract, so now you owe the debt to me. When it's paid off, you can go anywhere and do anything you want. I'll have you doing odd jobs for now, earning minimum wage. Riku keeps the books – he'll deduct your salary from your debt, minus a small percentage for your upkeep for as long as you continue to live and eat here. I promise, it won't be unfair." Marluxia paused and took a deep breath. "You should know," he continued, slower, "what kind of place this is. Except for me, Riku, and the support staff, everyone who works here sells himself. Now, I'm not going to make you do that." Marluxia waited until Sora met his eyes, confirming that he understood. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and we have security people I'll introduce you to. If someone tries to pressure you, they'll protect you. But…" Another short pause. "I won't lie. If you choose to stick to odd jobs and minimum wage, you're going to be here for a _very_ long time. Riku can work out the exact numbers for you. If you decide that you want to earn money faster and get your freedom sooner, sex pays a lot better."

Seeing Sora's face going pale, Marluxia softened his tone. "No pressure, Baby, okay? It's just an option. You make your own decisions. If you decide you want to do it, you just let me know. You _can't_ do it right now, anyway. I won't let you until you're eighteen. Okay?" Seeing Sora relaxing, Marluxia smiled. "So…just odd jobs for now. Like for example…" He picked up a large notebook. "The _first_ thing I'm gonna have you do is make a nice big bulletin board for the guys in here."

Reno might be a dick, but Marluxia wasn't against borrowing a good idea, when the redheaded pimp had one.

~o~

At first, Sora took whatever Marluxia gave him to do and carried it up the stairs to his room. He was very quiet and never complained, and Marluxia left him alone and let him set his own patterns. Riku, who only ever emerged from his office to get paperwork from Marluxia's, still managed to see the new boy at least once every time he came to work, if not more. His trips to Marluxia's office always seemed to coincide with one of Sora's appearances there…and those appearances were always preceded by the soft sound of creaking above the back room. The stairs were old, and it had been a long time since they were used.

One day, Riku spoke from the doorway as Sora sharpened a pencil on Marluxia's pencil sharpener.

"You know, there's room in my office. You can set up the stuff you're working on in there. So you wouldn't need to go up and down the stairs for all this little stuff."

Ocean blue eyes just stared at him, wide and a little nervous. Riku shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Just a suggestion. If you want."

The brunet didn't say anything, and Riku returned to work. The next day, however, the silent boy appeared in the accountant's office, materials in tow. Riku blinked a moment, then pointed Sora to a free corner he could use. Neither said anything.

From then on, Sora spent most of his time in Riku's office, where a new table and chair soon appeared in the previously empty corner. Unless his odd jobs had to be done on location somewhere else, Sora worked there. When it was time to eat, he ate with Riku. And even though Riku left during the day and Sora returned to his room above the bar, the accountant began to wonder if Sora snuck back down and slept in his office too, because the boy was always there when he arrived in the afternoon, and sometimes he looked a little sleepy, like he'd just woken up.

Riku brought in old clothes that he'd grown out of. He handed them to Sora without comment, and Sora took them silently and wore them all the time, even though they were a little big on him. Every day, Riku said "Hello" when he arrived and "Goodnight" when he left, and Sora answered with a little nod. For a while, that was all that passed between them.

Then one day, Riku brought in something other than old clothes. He handed Sora a necklace – a chain with a crown-shaped pendant on it, the whole thing hovering somewhere between girly and tacky. It was a mystery why the accountant decided to present such a gift, but Sora seemed pleased. He held the necklace gingerly, and in a very soft voice said, "Thank you." It was the first time Riku had heard Sora speak.

After that, Sora was never seen without the necklace on. Riku began to talk to the boy while they worked. It wasn't very conversational, and Sora didn't say much back, but the accountant could talk for quite a while if he was explaining spreadsheets and databases, and he found that Sora was a very attentive listener. Marluxia also made Sora available as an assistant to Riku whenever he wanted help, and those occasions became miniature lessons for the boy.

Half a year after Sora's arrival, Marluxia was surprised to walk into Riku's office one day and hear the little brunet chattering away quite normally with the accountant. The bar owner stopped, blinking in surprise – he still hadn't heard more than a few words out of Sora, and had no idea that the boy had started talking. Sora fell silent, however, as soon as he noticed the newcomer in the room. His expression had long ago lost any trace of fear around Marluxia, so the silence wasn't a frightened one, but Sora still didn't seem comfortable talking to anyone else.

Marluxia made no comment at the time – not with Sora there. Later, one morning just after leaving the bar, he spoke to Riku instead.

"Hey. So Sora talks to you now? Since when?"

Riku stopped and turned back, waiting for his boss to catch up as they headed down the sidewalk. "Dunno. A couple months maybe. Why?"

"Hmmm." Marluxia shrugged. "Nothing. That's good." Then, his tone changed as he brought up a different topic. "You know, I found a birth certificate on record for Sora. He turns eighteen in about six weeks."

Now it was Riku's turn to be noncommittal. "Really."

"Uh huh," the older man answered. "I wonder if he'll decide to try taking some customers then. He's looking a lot healthier and stronger since he came. He'd probably do very well."

"Hm."

"Any idea if he's thinking about it? Has he mentioned anything to you?"

"Nope."

"Well, he'd clear his debt a _lot_ faster that way. You showed him the figures, right?"

"Uh…yeah. I did."

"I'll have to schedule him for a little training before he's cleared for the bar, if that's what he wants to do." Riku didn't say anything, just looked ahead, hands in his pockets as he walked. Marluxia glanced sideways. "I was going to try asking him, but he still doesn't talk much to me. Since he talks just fine to _you_, I wonder if you could find out what he thinks about it. You can tell him about the job, too – he might be worried about getting hurt. Which he wouldn't be, obviously." Riku remained silent. "Of course, he doesn't have to. It's just a possibility. Depends how soon he wants to be free."

Still striding forward, Riku was now chewing the inside of his lip, too. "Uh huh."

Marluxia didn't speak again until the intersection where they were to part ways. Then, he reached out and touched Riku's arm. "Just…ask him about it for me, okay? Talk to him, see what he thinks. No rush, just when you get a chance. All right?"

A stiff nod. "Okay. I'll ask."

Riku headed home, and Marluxia did the same, pondering the accountant's reaction to the subject. Riku wasn't very talkative or expressive, but _that_ had to have been a new level of blank. By the time he reached home, Marluxia was certain that there was something interesting going on there. And he should know, after all. Women's intuition. He prided himself on it.

~o~

It was a week before Riku said anything. He kept trying to think of a way to bring up the subject, but it was a difficult conversation to begin. _"Pass me the stapler? Oh and by the way, what do you think of prostituting yourself?"_ _Dear God._ Riku scrubbed at his eyes and refocused on the account book. _This is hopeless._

The task was even more difficult because, for some unknown reason, the very idea of Sora selling himself was extremely unpleasant to Riku. Every time the thought trickled into his mind that Sora might choose the quicker way free, Riku would be bombarded with visions of the little brunet dressed in the clingy, revealing outfits the other boys wore, some older man's hands roaming over his body and touching him in places Riku _really_ didn't want to think about. And then going upstairs, and…

_Stop it._ Riku simply could not _stand_ to think about anything beyond that.

"Riku?" A soft, low voice interrupted his thoughts. "Can you look at this? I can't get the expense report to balance."

"Oh, let me see." He accepted the ledger and ran his eyes down it.

"Something is missing…" Sora hummed thoughtfully.

"Ah, yeah. You forgot…" He shuffled through some papers on his desk and came up with a receipt. "…this one. Cleaning supplies for the custodial staff."

"Oh, _that's_ what it was!" Sora sighed and smiled as he accepted the paper and took the ledger back. "I couldn't think what I was missing, but I knew it _had_ to be in operations. Thanks."

Riku nodded, _without_ looking up to meet the bright blue eyes that were surely smiling appreciatively at him. "Sure." _I have to ask. I have to ask him_. Marluxia had mentioned it again, wondering if he'd had a chance to talk to Sora yet. He couldn't delay much longer. If Marluxia asked _again_ and Riku _still _hadn't done it, he'd do it himself. He'd only left it _this_ long because Riku had promised the second time that he would definitely ask. Soon.

_Five weeks to his birthday. Full training of a newbie takes three, but he might have to go slower with Sora…__**if.**_

Sora returned with the balanced expense report. "Here it is, all done now." The boy smiled and waited for Riku to check it over and approve it. Riku swallowed, gathering his strength as he gave the report a cursory glance and nodded when everything looked to be in order.

"Looks good."

"Thanks." Sora turned back toward his table and his next task.

"Hey Sora?" Riku arranged his expression into something nonchalant before he looked up at the boy who was turned in his chair and looking at him with raised eyebrows. Riku swallowed. "Um…do you remember when I went over your salary and payment schedule with you, when you got here?"

Blue eyes blinked at him. "Yeah, why?"

"You know how long you'll be working here if you stick to minimum wage office work, right?"

Sora nodded. "Twenty years, right?"

Riku cleared his throat. "Well…that's a long time."

Sora nodded again. "Uh huh. I'll be paid off when I'm thirty-eight years old."

"Doesn't that bother you?" Riku felt his face slipping into a frown. "You won't be able to get an education or start a normal career until you're almost forty. Your life will be more than half over."

A touch of dismay began to show around the edges of those quiet blue eyes. "Well…I guess it'll be hard to be…normal. Like that." Sora paused, picking at his own fingernails as Riku looked over, watching him. "But I guess," the boy continued, "I guess I figured it was a good enough deal for me. I can just help out around here…and you know, maybe when I'm thirty-eight I can get a job in another office. I'll have twenty years of office experience!" A hopeful little smile lit the youthful face as he looked back up at Riku.

"Heh." Riku smiled mirthlessly. "Most places don't require nearly that much experience. They might want a college degree though." Sora's face fell a little, and Riku decided to take the plunge and just say it. "You know…I didn't show you any comparison schedules though. If you, uh…if you were making more money."

A slight shift in Sora's posture hinted at sudden tension…but Riku plowed ahead. "If…if you were doing even…uh, say for example, if you wanted to work at the bar…if you _wanted_ to…if you took a single, one-hour customer in a night, and did that for just four nights a week, and you were getting the basic pay rate – which you probably wouldn't, you'd be getting the higher 'first customer' rate – but even on just the basic, if you did that…you'd be paid up in less than five years." He glanced nervously over at Sora, trying to read the suddenly-expressionless boy. "In…in less than five years, you'd still be college age. A few years older than the other freshmen, but you'd still fit in…and you could get a degree by twenty-seven and start a real job. You know. A normal one."

Sora still wasn't saying anything. In fact, besides his stiff posture, Riku wasn't sure he'd even heard him. His expression was flat, his eyes empty, and Riku wasn't seeing him blink. "Sora?" He tried, feeling his stomach rolling unpleasantly. "You could…have a nice, regular career in whatever you enjoyed doing…and you would still be plenty young enough to…to date and…and start a family about the same time everyone else does." _You could…be happy. And free. Don't you…want that?_ Riku didn't say those thoughts. If he let them slip at all, it was only a silent question in his eyes.

But when Sora finally looked at him, the first place he looked was Riku's eyes, and the accountant shivered as that tragic blue gaze seemed to pierce right through him and guess every thought and every feeling. But Sora didn't say anything, if he _did_ guess. After a long pause, he took a deep breath.

"The same as everyone else…I can't. I can't ever be… Riku, I grew up in the city orphanage. I never met my parents. I tried running away when I was fifteen, because I was being moved into foster care. I got picked up off the streets by…by…" Sora suddenly looked pale, almost chalky, "…by a p-person who t-turned out to be m-my…my worst nightmare." The boy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, shuddering as he calmed himself down. Riku wanted desperately to interrupt – he didn't want Sora to torture himself with thoughts of the past. At the same time, however, he knew it was an incredible honor that the boy trusted him enough to speak of this…and it made warmth spread in his chest, even as a thorn of pain for Sora's past twisted there.

Sora took a deep breath, and his voice, when he spoke again, was steadier. "I won't go into those two years. I'm here now, I know what kind of place this is, and I know I have a debt to Marluxia. I don't know where this debt came from, but it doesn't matter. I understand that he saved me, and this was the price he paid to buy me out of something…bad. And he said I don't have to do anything I don't like, here. I don't care how long it takes to pay him back. I never want to…to let another stranger…I…I never want to do anything like _that_ again."

The boy's hands were twisting the hem of his shirt almost to ruin at this point. Riku watched and listened in silence, but when Sora stopped talking, he only waited a moment before rising from his chair, crossing the space between them, and smoothly sinking to his knees in front of the brunet.

When he placed his hands on Sora's forearms, the boy jumped, momentarily startled. But Riku just gently pulled him into a loose hug, and after a moment, Sora was leaning down slightly to return the embrace. They were both silent for many minutes.

Finally, Riku answered. "I understand," he murmured softly. "It's okay, Sora. I understand. I wasn't trying to convince you, and Marluxia will never pressure you. He just wanted you to know. And _I_ just want to make sure you're happy with this life. If this is really what you want… And I'll protect you. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. No matter what you choose." And he meant it. He was a little surprised at himself, because he'd only known this boy for half a year, but Riku knew already that everything he said was true from the bottom of his heart, and he would go on meaning it for…forever, probably.

Fingers tightened, fisting in his shirt, and he felt Sora nod against his shoulder and heard him sniffle a little. "Th-thank you."

The same simple words Riku had first heard from him. The same simple sweetness that went straight through him.

At the end of that work night, Riku reported Sora's answer to Marluxia – a simple request to continue doing odds jobs in the office and working as an accounting assistant. He also added his own observations, explaining something of Sora's reasoning and past. The boss listened and nodded and accepted Sora's choice unhesitatingly after hearing everything. And he made a greater effort after that to see Sora more often and talk to him more frequently. He said he wanted Sora to warm up to him, too, and hopefully the other staff in time. He wanted Sora to feel at home… "Since he'll be here a while," the man explained.

By the time they celebrated Sora's birthday with a small office party, the boy _was_ talking to Marluxia, and a few of the security men, one cleaning lady, and two of the friendlier bar boys. He still didn't speak much around the whole group, but he smiled quietly and, at the end of the party, he managed a single "thank you" addressed to everyone.

~o~

Sora lived above the bar and worked in Riku's office for a year. At the end of that time, he requested an adjustment to his debt repayment schedule. He and Riku had worked out that if Sora lived elsewhere and wasn't having room and board deducted from his pay, he could pay his debt back about two years faster. Marluxia didn't mind at all. Sora moved in with Riku, who refused to take any money for living expenses.

For four more years after that, Sora and Riku continued in the same jobs. Then, when Riku had over five years of experience as an accountant, he got a better job in the accounting department of a publishing company. Sora, after four years of training, took over as Marluxia's accountant, even though he didn't have a college degree. His promotion and raise shaved a couple more years off his debt repayment. The change brought many improvements, but it was a mixed blessing for a while. Sora still worked nights, while Riku had moved to working days, and both of them were decidedly unhappy about only seeing each other on the weekends. For about half a year, things were undeniably hard.

Then, after two years of planning, Marluxia opened his bar as a café during the day. From mid-morning to mid-afternoon, a regular café staff occupied the bar area, along with a few managers. Business was good, and Sora needed an assistant. Marluxia hired another accountant, and schedules were shuffled a little – Sora, the head accountant, moved his hours to the daytime, and his assistant worked nights, completing things that Sora needed taken care of before the next day and collecting and compiling accounts for the night business.

Sora and Riku were both extremely happy to have their schedules back in sync. Now they both worked days, left and came home around the same times, and saw each other every day without any difficulty. Sora was happy with his job, happy with his home, and happy with his family.

Because now, finally, he had one. And Riku had long ago sworn that they would never be apart, and that was more than enough for both of them.

~o~


	35. Side Story 3: Ain't the Lovin' Type

**Author's Note: **I _absolutely love this one_, no lie. This is probably my _favorite_ side story of all of them. 8D Which is so odd, because I've never "shipped" these two together, and I am _still_ headdesking over the fact that I went and made like _everyone_ gay in this fic, lol, but idk...I got the idea, and I wrote some stuff I don't usually do, and I had the most fun and I still get the biggest grin over this one. 8D

Those of you who just wanna know a little more about our mysterious reporter friend may wanna skip the middle part. ;)

* * *

**Ain't the Lovin' Type**

Boots clunked down a side street, then a darker one, then around a turn onto a one-way street that was really more of an alley. They stopped in front of a battered door to an abandoned-looking building, only a faded old sign out front indicating that there was anything here.

_Xaldin's Treasures_.

A cigarette hit the pavement and was ground out by the toe of one boot. The door opened with a groan of protest and swung shut again with a screeching creak behind the visitor. The smallish room was dim and dusty, filled with shelves and stacks of miscellany, but empty of people. The visitor strolled forward, unconcerned. When he reached the front desk, he lightly tapped the bell, which clanged once for the owner's attention.

After a slight shuffle, a hairy man in a dirty t-shirt emerged from the back room. Grunting as he shoved a few dreadlocks out of his face, Xaldin leaned against the door post and eyed his guest.

"You, huh? Been a while."

Luxord shrugged halfheartedly, letting an arched eyebrow be his answer. After another moment, Xaldin turned with a grunt and a jerk of his head, allowing his guest to follow him into the back room. A faint smirk stretched Luxord's lips as he vaulted easily over the beat-up old counter and entered the back room. Xaldin was clearing a pile of junk from a chair, leaving it free before he returned to his own seat – an easy chair that was so faded and covered with stains that it was hard to tell what color it had originally been.

Luxord settled in the free chair and put his feet up on an old stool. Neither of them said a word. Xaldin picked up a coffee pot that had been sitting on the warmer and handed it over. Luxord took it with a nod and then glanced around at the shelves for something resembling a mug. He found one without a handle and poured himself coffee before handing the pot back. After a swallow or two, he set the cup aside and fished a pack of cards out of his pocket. He fiddled with them while Xaldin ignored him, his attention focused on a crossword puzzle instead.

Shuffling the cards absently, Luxord finally spoke. "Play a round?"

Deep blue eyes looked up at him expressionlessly. "Not a chance in hell."

"Eh, come on," Luxord smirked, "I'll play ya for…that umbrella. It's a piece of shit."

Xaldin followed his pointing finger, then looked back at his guest. "That's _my_ umbrella," he stated flatly.

Lighter-tinted blues widened slightly. "Ya don't say. Well. It's a piece of shit."

The other man grunted. "Still works."

Luxord shook his head and fell silent. After another long pause – nothing breaking the silence in the building but the incessant shuffling of cards and an occasional _scritch-scratch_ of pencil on newspaper – Xaldin finally looked up again, regarding the other man calmly.

"I saw the papers."

The smirk was back at once, crinkling the corners of pale blue eyes, the grin almost razor sharp. "Oh, ya _did_ then." Luxord shifted in his chair, leaning back a little further. Xaldin thought a cat with a killed mouse wouldn't look more self-satisfied.

"Congratulations," he grunted, resisting the urge to grin as well. After all, he felt the same way Luxord did about corrupt rich bastards in general and Xemnas in particular, and he knew just how long the newspaper reporter had been waiting for this. He turned to an old desk and pulled open a drawer, bringing out a box of Cuban cigars and offering one to the blond man.

"Thanks," Luxord said simply, but the glint of wolfish delight in his eye gave him away. Xaldin took another cigar for himself, and they cut their ends and lit up and sat in yet more silence, puffing away.

It was a celebration, as far as they were concerned.

"Guess going straight was worth it after all, huh?" Xaldin finally mused.

Luxord blew a long stream of thick, fragrant smoke out in a contented sigh before he answered. "Sure couldn't have taken that shit down from the gutters. Not unless I shot him." His eyes were half-closed, relaxation and contentment practically radiating from the middle-aged man.

"You could have shot him."

Luxord nodded. "I could have shot him. Yer diner wasn't quite worth jail though."

A frown. "It wasn't about the diner. It was a shitty thing to pull, faking a food poisoning outbreak just to shut me down. Corrupt bastard, steamrolling right over anyone in his way. I still say he deserved a bullet."

Another sharp smirk. "He might agree with ya, after he gets a taste of prison. And you got this place now. Quit yer bitching. I got him back for ya."

Xaldin shrugged a shoulder, conceding the point. "Still can't believe you managed it as a _newspaper_ man. Just doesn't seem like much of a job." He absently poked the pencil tip through his dreds, scratching.

The reporter's eyes crinkled again at the corners. "More to it than meets the eye, my friend."

"So you said," Xaldin grunted.

"And I was right," Luxord prompted.

A pause, then the shop owner nodded. "Guess you were."

With an even wider smirk, the self-satisfied blond leaned over, reaching for a different drawer in the old desk. Without a word, he rooted around in the drawer a moment before pulling out a sign: "Closed." Luxord grinned again as he extended the sign to his host. "Pretty good day for me, ain't it?"

A bushy, dark eyebrow arched at him, Xaldin staring impassively for a long moment before he shrugged. Reaching out, he took the sign and pushed himself to his feet. "Guess so." He shuffled out of the back room, his footsteps crossing the shop to the front door. Luxord could hear the door screeching in protest as it was opened, the sign hung on the handle, and then another loud groan as it was closed again. He could almost hear the grating of the deadbolt being drawn.

He wasn't really listening that hard, however. The reporter was busy tugging at the already-loosened knot of his tie, pulling it off and tossing it on his chair as he unbuttoned his shirt and shucked that as well. He planted a boot against the edge of the desk and was bending to unlace it when Xaldin reappeared in the doorway.

Xaldin only watched for a moment before shuffling back into the room, peeling the t-shirt over his head, revealing a solidly muscled upper body. "You wanna shower?" He grunted, approaching the blond but stopping beside his armchair.

"Nah," Luxord answered, kicking off one boot and moving to the next. "Hell, _you_ need one worse than me."

Large, powerful hands slowly unbuckled a belt and pulled it free, dropping it onto the desk before returning to the button and zipper on the man's pants. "Yeah, well, deal with it." Xaldin sat down heavily in the armchair and slid one hand into his open pants, groping around as he watched Luxord kick off his other boot.

"Didn't say I minded," the blond shrugged, turning to face the other man, still slightly smirking with that wolfish, razor edge to his grin. His quick eyes took in Xaldin's body, stopping a moment to study the motion of the hand buried in the crotch of his pants. Without comment, his own hands moved to slowly unfasten his belt and slacks, dragging the clothing down and off while deep blue watched his every move. He kicked the last of his clothing aside, seeming relaxed and unconcerned by the other man's open stare.

Xaldin's only comment was, "In the mood already, huh?"

The reporter smirked, taking hold of himself and stroking, watching as the shop owner finally pulled himself free from his pants to more freely do the same. "Been a while, hasn't it?" Luxord answered dryly.

"Since you've been _here_," Xaldin admitted, leaving the implication hanging.

Luxord didn't deny the general idea. He just shrugged. "I been busy." His eyes flicked down again. "You ain't too soft yourself, pal." The sharp glint in light blue looked ever so slightly smug.

With a grunt, Xaldin flicked his free hand in a "come" gesture. Luxord complied, crossing the short distance between them, planting a knee on the chair, then the other, and lowering himself to straddle Xaldin's lap. Xaldin removed his hand, allowing Luxord to wrap his grip around both of them and stroke. He grunted again, and finally answered in a slightly lower voice, "Maybe I've been busy, too."

The blond man shifted and thrust his hips forward, increasing the friction. He growled low in return, "Maybe yer _hands_ better get busy, or this'll go nowhere fast."

With a monosyllabic grunt that could have been agreement, Xaldin stuck his hand in yet another drawer in the desk. A box was tossed on the desk, and Xaldin fumbled awkwardly behind Luxord's back with a bottle of lube while the other man kept up a steady stroking over their cocks. Then there were big hands spreading over both sides of the reporter's ass, squeezing firmly before slipping inward, slick fingers probing the tight ring.

It was Luxord's turn to grunt, hot breath mingling with the other man's, faces close but not doing anything – just watching each other with narrow, lust-hazed eyes. Strong fingers worked quickly for a few minutes before Luxord suddenly stopped his stroking and snarled impatiently. Xaldin found himself covered in a condom almost before he could blink, and then hands were slapping his own away from Luxord's ass as the reporter lifted himself and shifted into position and then just drove his hips down hard, sheathing Xaldin without even a moment's hesitation.

"Shit…" Xaldin's growl was throaty and hoarse. "Always gotta be so damn pushy?"

Strangled words answered as Luxord began to lift himself up and drive back down. "Maybe if _you_ weren't such a lazy bastard…"

"Nothing wrong with stopping to smell the roses…or something." He grunted again as Luxord clenched tighter around him.

A snort. "No roses here, dumbass. You wanna play nice and take it easy, get a little lady friend. You wanna _fuck_, let's _go_."

A harsh, gripping squeeze to Luxord's ass made the man tighten up again with a grunt while Xaldin commented, "_You_ were the one who wanted to fuck this time."

The blond increased the pace. "Fine. So I owe ya."

Xaldin paused, leaning forward to bite a shoulder. "Gimme a kiss and I'll call it even."

_That_ actually made the reporter pause a moment, stilling his motions and sitting down on the other man's lap. "You wanna _what?_ What the hell for?"

A dark blue sullen glare met baffled light blue. "I just wanna. You're supposed to do that with this kinda thing. Feels shitty not to."

An eye roll. "Fine. But get your lazy ass in gear after, and don't make me do all the work."

"Deal."

Luxord started the kiss, leaning in and sealing their mouths together, but his quick, cursory tonguing was quickly taken over as Xaldin pressed in deeper, moving slower and more sensually – distracting. Luxord seemed to forget his hurry, just for a minute, and both men settled in to a long, deep kiss. And both were breathing hard when they finally parted.

Pale blue eyes immediately narrowed. "All right, now…"

Xaldin cut him off right away. "I know, I know. C'mon, up." A gentle slap to the other man's ass encouraged him to get off Xaldin's lap. Luxord lifted himself off the man and stood, then turned and faced the desk, planting his hands on the edge and spreading his legs. Xaldin was already close behind him, hands grasping hips.

A teasing grin. "Easy enough for ya? Lazy bastard."

Xaldin shoved forward in one long thrust, filling his partner. "Keep calling me that, and I'll just fuck you until you can't walk, so I can turn it back around on you when you're stuck in my bed all day tomorrow." He added weight to his threats by starting with a few hard, deep, jolting thrusts.

For a moment, Luxord couldn't do much better than strained grunts in response. When he finally gathered enough breath to answer, the teasing smirk was still there, but a little weakened under the force of Xaldin's thrusting. "Fine…by me…lazy…bastard." Then he lost the struggle to keep his head up and his eyes on the man behind him.

Xaldin paused, arching an eyebrow at his partner. Then he sighed and shook his head. "You old ass," he grumbled, the corner of his mouth barely quirking upward for a moment before he resumed his steady, hard thrusting, leaning forward to brace himself with one hand around Luxord's chest, the other reaching down to wrap around the blond's cock.

Luxord kept himself braced against the desk for the rest of what turned out to be a rough ride – which was pretty much what he'd been asking for. Neither of the men liked things too soft, and neither of them cared to be very demonstrative when they were enjoying themselves. The only noises in the room were the sweaty skin-slapping sounds and the occasional grunt. Both grew more frequent as Xaldin began to pick up the pace, until finally he was pounding into the other man as fast as he could, pushing Luxord forward into the desk. The grunts from the blond man were forced out on every thrust now, and they were thinner than before – strained. But Xaldin didn't slow down or stop – he had a promise to keep.

Neither of them bothered to warn the other when he was about to lose it – they never did that. They both just hung on until they couldn't any more, and when Xaldin felt Luxord's body shiver and tense, he gave his cock that final squeeze to drive him over the edge, digging into that spot inside at the same moment. Luxord didn't moan – it was more of a long growl as his seed spilled over the big, rough hand holding him. Then Xaldin let go of his cock, shifting his grip back to hips and holding the other man up as he drove in hard a few more times and released. By the time he was done, Luxord's upper body was plastered to the desk, and only Xaldin's hold on his hips was keeping his lower body from dropping to the floor.

Breathing hard, Xaldin shifted to the side and eased himself down into his chair again, sitting with legs spread wide. His hands, still holding Luxord up, drew the man down after him, carefully guiding him to sit in the free space between his legs. The reporter did not make a habit of showing weakness in _any_ situation, but at the moment he didn't seem quite able to support himself on his legs. He sank down in the chair, leaning back tiredly against the other man's solid chest. Xaldin looped one arm loosely around the blond's waist. For a few minutes, neither said a word.

Luxord was still breathing a little heavily when he complained, "Yer too hot, damn it."

Xaldin grunted. "Deal with it."

For a moment, there was no reply. Then Luxord shifted, tapping the arm around his waist. "Need a smoke." Wordlessly complying, Xaldin reached for a desk drawer – but not the right one. When his hand returned with a package of cigarettes, the blond _humphed_ in irritation. "What, ya run out of Cubans?"

Another dark eyebrow arched. "Those are expensive," Xaldin answered the back of the blond head.

He got an elbow in the ribs – not hard, though – and a sharp grin as Luxord glanced back over his shoulder. "And catching the slipperiest scumbag in the city with enough shit for a life sentence was, what? Cheap?"

Without a word – but with a rather heavy sigh – Xaldin dropped the cigarettes back in the drawer and fished out two more Cuban cigars instead. Then they sat there in the shared chair for several minutes, puffing contentedly. Eventually they got up, Luxord badgering Xaldin to give up his bed for the night, Xaldin stubbornly refusing to take the couch. He agreed, however, to _sharing_ the bed. Luxord remarked that it was too small for both of them. Xaldin told him to deal with it.

Xaldin reopened _Xaldin's Treasures _at the regular time the next day. Luxord didn't get up, but harassed Xaldin into getting him coffee, food, smokes, the paper…whatever he wanted. The other man huffed quietly and gave in, each time with a grumble of, "Lazy bastard."

They shared a shower in the early afternoon because Xaldin's hot water lasted ten minutes, tops – not long enough for two showers, no matter how quick. Then they both dressed, ate sandwiches courtesy of Xaldin's miscellaneously-stocked refrigerator, and proceeded to hang about the pawn shop for a few more hours, saying little, doing less. No amount of nagging from Luxord could persuade Xaldin into a card game, however. The reporter played about fifty different types of Solitaire instead. Then, late in the afternoon, he finally sighed, put the cards away, and stood. Xaldin glanced up from his latest crossword. "Leaving?"

The blond stretched. "Got deadlines on Monday. Can't shit away the _whole_ weekend." He stiffly climbed over the counter, swinging his legs and setting feet down on the other side.

"Hang on," Xaldin got up, turning to the back room. "Lizzie still like ponies?" he called from the back.

Luxord leaned his elbows on the counter. "Far as I know. Her mother don't let me see her more'n once a month." The other man reappeared, and Luxord grinned at him. "Bad influence," he explained.

A grunt that was probably meant to agree with Luxord's ex-wife's opinion on that point. Then, "This is for her, next time you see her. Hang on, I'll get a box." He set a small glass figurine of a pony on the counter and turned to root around underneath until he came up with an appropriately-sized cardboard container.

Luxord, who had picked the little horse up to inspect it, handed it back over to the other man, who reached for a sheet of his newspaper and quickly and efficiently wrapped the figurine. "Where'd ya get a thing like that?"

The darker man just glanced up, then blue eyes pointedly roamed around the inside of the shop, as if to say, _Where'd I get any of this stuff? People._ Then he grunted and closed the box, securing it with a piece of tape and handing it over. Luxord took it, nodding.

"Thanks. I'll tell Lizzie her Uncle Xaldin says hi." He reached the door before the shop owner answered.

"Yeah. See you later."

A wave over one shoulder was Luxord's only answer.

The door slammed, leaving the shop owner to sink back into his chair. He stared across the room for a long, contemplative moment before slowly reaching for his newspaper and crossword, picking a pencil out of his dreadlocks and chewing on the end a moment before he scratched an answer into one of the columns. His lazy slouch seemed much the same, but a few of the habitual wrinkles around his eyes and across his brow were unusually smoothed-out today.

Boots clunked down the alley and out onto the street, the reporter pausing for a moment to shift the box and hold it under one arm as he dug in his pocket for a cigarette and lighter. He took a drag and shoved the cigarettes back into his pocket, quick eyes flicking over the city street before him. City litter and city people filling the streets and sidewalks. City dirt and noise and the scum of the human race and the comforting wash of total anonymity around him. Luxord took another drag, a long, deep inhale that he let out in a sighing stream of smoke. The fine crows' feet at the corners of his eyes showed just a little bit darker. A glint of something razor-sharp and satisfied flickered in light sky blue.

Then he turned, and the clunking boots joined the stream of humanity, heading down the sidewalk on another average day in his city.

~o~


	36. Side Story 4: A Dog's Life

**Author's Note: **So...yeah. Not to let them off easy or excuse they _very_ evil things these two did to a whole lot of people, but I am giving you a bit of their backstory and a look at their future. I wanna say that even if I am explaining some of _why_ they did what they did, I'm not trying to say that it was any excuse. It's just...life is like this sometimes, guys. Bad people get off easy sometimes. It happens.

At the same time, I do think they each suffered a good bit in their own way, so thanks for the effort there, Karma old pal. :)

* * *

**A Dog's Life**

A prison warden sees the roughest and the lowest dregs of humanity, those born with all the cards stacked against them, who enter their cell with an air of dull expectancy – they knew this was coming. But, if he's around the job for long enough, a warden also sees another type – the fallen. The ones who come in desperately trying to conceal their shock at being caged…but who never succeed. Those who were born and bred to come here can always smell a stranger. So can the warden, if he's been there long enough.

Barret Wallace had been prison warden in this city for 15 years. When a newly sentenced convict walked through his doors, Barret knew better than the prisoner did what the next years would hold.

"Cid, that man is used to ruling the world, and he thinks he can crush prison scum just like he crushed everyone else." Barret nodded at the new arrival, a dark-skinned, white-haired man with a smooth, haughty face – almost beautiful, in a way. "He's gonna find out real quick that all his power and money out _there_ don't mean shit to the big guys in _here_."

Officer Cid Highwind gave the newcomer a once-over and nodded. "That's the CEO I helped round up, ain't it? The dirty pervert? He's here for life."

Barret snorted. "A whole new life he's never dreamed of. That arrogant attitude won't last till Christmas."

He knew what he was talking about. Xemnas entered prison on a life sentence – 25 years. He got out in six, on strict parole, partially for good behavior and partially because his company – a major financial player in the city – was floundering without him. However, the leniency didn't save him. When Barret released Xemnas into the custody of his parole officer, he couldn't help a wry smile – his prediction had been deadly accurate.

The arrogant, icy man who had looked down his nose at the "prison scum" around him had changed in those six years. Oh, he walked out of the prison with his head held high enough, shoulders square and handsome features expressionless. But the warden could see through the sham. That posture was too rigid, that stride too quick – like he was reining himself in hard to keep from running in terror. And those glittering golden eyes – they had no edge left, no sharpness to cut through the fog of fear hovering in them.

"Pretty Richie Rich ain't so tough now," Cid observed.

"Yeah," Barret agreed. "Told ya they'd break him."

~o~

The master was no master anymore, but his dog was still waiting.

For six years, Saïx maintained KH Corporation and all Xemnas' holdings, taking charge of the company and doing everything possible to keep things running and out of bankruptcy. Try as he might, however, his best results were only a gradual, steady decline. Whatever else was true of Xemnas, he'd been quite the brilliant business leader. Saïx wasn't quite the same, but he stuck to the job tenaciously for six years. He would have done it for 25 if necessary, and if he slowly lost everything until all he had left was a one-room rented office, he'd have been waiting in it on the day Xemnas was released.

As it was, however, Xemnas was able to return to work – and _only_ to work; his movements were all monitored and restricted enough to make his former hobbies impossible – far sooner than his sentence had set. Saïx still had his boss's mansion clean and maintained, though certain parts of it had been closed up, and the company, though somewhat the worse for wear, was still recoverable, with effort. And the lackey – the loyal, unshakable dog – was waiting.

Xemnas stepped out of the car in front of his house and ran his eyes over the building, taking it in as if he almost had forgotten it…before his eyes rested on his right-hand man. Saïx bowed slightly, speaking softly and without expression as Xemnas stepped forward and moved to pass him, "Welcome home, Sir."

"Hmph." No other response. Xemnas swept inside so fast that no one would have time to catch the slight, involuntary shudder he couldn't suppress at hearing that voice.

Empty yellow eyes trailed after him silently before Saïx moved to follow. Follow, and watch. As always. After all, he'd been watching silently for a very, very long time.

Years ago, Saïx had been the first to notice Xemnas' interest in some of the male employees at the company. Before Xemnas had even begun to take action on his thoughts, Saïx knew what he wanted. Looking back, the lackey often thought that perhaps that time had been his first and only chance…but he had only watched. He had thought, then, that if he made a move before Xemnas was ready to admit what he wanted…well, it was his employer he was thinking about, after all. He hadn't wanted to lose his job.

So he'd waited, and when Xemnas had begun to make advances on young men, Saïx had believed it was his chance. He _should have_ had the upper hand, right from the first time he "accidentally" interrupted Xemnas and the pretty little intern fucking in the man's office. He _should have_ been able to blackmail his employer, threatening to tell others if Xemnas didn't submit to _him_. He _should have_ been able to dominate that proud, beautiful man, breaking Xemnas down over time until the man would want only Saïx, would beg to be taken, would surrender himself with a mixture of humiliated pride and burning need, drowning in their mutual passion and _lust_, never looking for any other…

Nothing had happened the way it should have, but the dreams of what _might have been_ never stopped tormenting the loyal dog.

Xemnas had shown himself to be surprisingly impossible to threaten. Perhaps, after all, Saïx should have known. The man was a shark in the business world – that strength had to stem from _somewhere_, so maybe he shouldn't have been surprised that Xemnas found a way to turn the situation around and threaten _Saïx _instead. The man was too strong, too aggressive and powerful and unrelenting, and Saïx became nothing but a lackey to him, and he couldn't even fight it. That smooth, deep voice giving him cold, dispassionate orders…it made him breathless.

But Xemnas wanted more than willing little interns, and as he began to try coercion and threats to have his way with the less willing, Saïx began to understand the fundamental problem – the reason it couldn't be _him_.

Xemnas didn't submit. He _dominated_.

The financial giant sought to conquer, always to break and control…and Saïx was already controlled. What was more, Xemnas always took the active role in his sexual relations with men. The more Saïx saw, the better he understood that Xemnas would _never_ allow himself to be taken. The dog's fantasy was impossible.

But the dog remained loyal. He couldn't help it. He worshiped the man's strength and power, and he was addicted to those cold orders, especially when they began to become even more illicit. When Xemnas calmly directed him to rape a young man in the company and film it, Saïx nearly lost control of himself just listening to the order. When he carried it out, it was all he could do to keep from screaming Xemnas' name as he raped the unlucky employee. When Xemnas watched the tape, Saïx couldn't tear his gaze from those icy golden eyes, coolly studying the writhing, naked bodies onscreen – including Saïx's. The flat, emotionless, "Well done," nearly broke him apart.

From that point on, Saïx was a willing slave, and he unhesitatingly followed Xemnas down into his depravity. Young employees were traded for whores, but whores were too willing. S&M became a favorite fetish for a time, until Xemnas got bored with playing within its boundaries and started to really _hurt_ the toys. The high-class prostitution houses banned him, so he found other places to play, other whores to try breaking. And he sent Saïx looking for new toys, boys who could be coaxed out of the protection of the whorehouse and brought into Xemnas' territory.

Then there was the boy Xemnas decided not to let go after he'd used him.

He'd been new to the job, easy to fool. He was naïve enough to think there was no harm in a little side work, going home with a client. The abusive sex had shocked the poor kid, and for a little while afterward, his only reaction was to cry and cower mindlessly. He pulled himself together, eventually, and cussed his client out for treating him like shit, but that only served to ignite Xemnas' interest. Such a pretty little spitfire… He wanted to see the boy broken again, only more…permanently. He told Saïx as much, when he ordered the prostitute locked up in a small, dark room rather than returned to his workplace.

Saïx had been occupied from then on with converting his master's basement into a play area and prison. By the time the basement was ready for new occupants, its first prisoner had already lost his mind. Xemnas kept him around for a diversion until he realized he could sell off his broken toys. He was never very happy about the results of his first experiment, however. Insanity was ugly, and didn't sell for much. Xemnas began a study of psychology in his free time in an effort to cultivate a better process – a way of breaking the spirit while leaving the mind intact, creating the perfect sex slave.

It was just like him to find a way to turn his hobby into profit. Saïx worshiped this, too, even as it drove him mad to watch Xemnas amusing himself with so many frail little boys. The man was a god in his own eyes, cruel to his toys and cold to his slave, who spent years watching others receive all the attention. It was unfair, unfair to the boys who didn't understand anything about the man and didn't want his touch, unfair to the lackey who understood and wanted and could not have.

Then one day, it was all over. The master was taken away, the dog left with nothing but an empty house to guard, hollowly satisfied with himself for covering his own tracks better than his master had and thus escaping jail…even though that success seemed cold and worthless without Xemnas there to commend him for good work.

Now… Xemnas was back. After meeting his long-absent master at the door, Saïx stepped back into his role as lackey as if he'd never left it. He saw to Xemnas' personal comfort – food and rest in a once-familiar environment. Later, he presented a compiled report of the company's current condition and progress, or lack thereof, over the last few years.

"My deepest apologies, Sir. I have failed to maintain acceptable results in your absence." No excuses.

"Clearly." The voice was flat. Not angry…no, Saïx couldn't even hope to become a target of Xemnas' wrath. Nor would he be granted punishment. Xemnas was disappointed in him, and that was agony enough.

Saïx dared not look higher than his employer's shoes. "I will vacate your home tomorrow, Sir, unless you wish me to leave this evening…"

Xemnas had been the one to order Saïx to live in the house. It had been a demeaning command before he went into jail: "You will be my live-in housekeeper and caretaker until I return." The voice darkened with a trace of scorn. "Keep my toilets clean." Saïx had silently obeyed and spent the last six years occupying a room next to Xemnas' – which he had left exactly as it had been.

He expected that now, with Xemnas back and certainly displeased with his failure with the company, the man would dismiss him from the mansion and have his belongings destroyed before he could come back for them. Xemnas, however, suddenly looked up, and there was a strange, unnamable expression flickering in his eyes as he looked at his dog. "No," he looked back down at the papers of Saïx's report, "you will remain on hand, here. See that my black shoes are shined by morning."

Saïx felt lightheaded. He was being told to stay…to stay as a servant, yes, but he could only regard that position as a paradise. To live in Xemnas' house…while the master was here! Almost like living _together…_

"Yes, Sir."

~o~

"_Hnnn…nnn…nnh!"_

The sounds were soft and muffled through the wall. Barely audible…but Saïx had exceptional hearing. From where he knelt on the carpet, forehead pressed against drywall, the suppressed noises were agonizingly clear.

"_Mmmm…a-ah!"_

Saïx knew Xemnas no longer had access to his old hobby and his old toys. As cold as the man was, he still had needs, and Saïx had fantasized a thousand times about how Xemnas would handle those. But he'd never, ever dreamed that the man would be so careless as to allow his dog to hear something like _this_. He _had_ to be aware that Saïx still occupied the room beside his own… _Is he doing it on purpose?_ The thought was a fresh torment. _But why? Why would he want me to hear…?_

For two weeks, the lackey had been trapped in a living hell. On the surface, Xemnas was busy with resurrecting his company and satisfying the demands of parole, while Saïx was busy assisting his boss at work and waiting on him hand and foot at home. He'd known, from the moment it became clear that Xemnas would not let him move out, that he was in for tortures he had never yet imagined. He would be around the man all day, so near to him all night, forced to wear his mask of submission 24/7. It was obvious to Saïx that he was going to be spending a lot of time masturbating, just to release some of the tension and frustrated desire.

He had not expected that he wouldn't be alone, however.

"_Haaaa…ahhh…nn, nn, nnn!"_

"Oh God…Master…" The breathless whisper escaped his parted lips as he tightened his fist around his member, jerking hard in time to the little sounds from the other side of the wall. Eyes closed, he could see the dream so vividly – dripping, amber skin rippling over tense muscles beneath him, white hair plastered damply to a broad back, that haughty face twisted in agony and pleasure, biting a pillow to stifle moans and gasps as Saïx took him hard from behind, pounding relentlessly into him, his master's hole sucking and slippery and wet and so, so hot around him…

"_Hnnnnooooohhhh, please, please…!"_

The low moan and the pleas came from an even tighter voice, strained with the approach of orgasm. Saïx knew. He could sense it, somehow. And his own cock was already leaking, ready, so ready for climax, just waiting to hear…

"_Nn-nn-nn-ahhhh!"_

The hoarse voice broke on the final cry, even as Saïx did. His burning cock pulsed, ejaculating on the wall that separated them as Saïx bit his tongue dangerously hard in order to keep silent. He eased himself down when he was done, trying not to collapse audibly on the floor. He curled on the carpet, panting for breath, and listened for any other sounds from his master's room.

And he struggled to understand. _Begging? He was begging… He's never begged in his __**life**__, I'm sure of it._ Finally, after a long pause, some indistinct shuffling reached the dog's ears, followed by a low voice mumbling something. It sounded like, "Shit, shit, shit!" But it didn't make sense, and Saïx was confused. Was his master angry because his climax was unsatisfying, now that he had no little boys to rape? _Yet he's never voiced his anger so openly, so out of control…_ And again, why had he done this when he could be overheard in the first place? _To torment me? If he knows…no. Even if he did know, my desires are beneath him. He would not lower himself to taunt me. But then…why?_

Questions without answers. At least, none that Saïx could hope to find on his own.

~o~

A month – a long, slow, torturous month – after Xemnas' release, Saïx remained at the office to complete some overtime work while the boss went home early. He didn't ask why; he just obeyed.

When he finally returned to his employer's house that evening, he couldn't find Xemnas to report to, at first. After scanning through several rooms, he finally located the man in a little-used – but ornately decorated – parlor. A suit jacket lay crumpled on the floor, a tie hung haphazardly off a lamp, shoes and socks were scattered. The man himself was sprawled on a sofa – an uncharacteristically laid-back posture – with a glass of wine in his hand and a mostly-empty bottle on the nearby coffee table.

Saïx shuddered, swallowing hard at the sight, but he calmly entered the room and began to gather up the discarded clothing. Yellow eyes, however, could not help flashing up every few moments to stare.

Xemnas half-lay there, drinking, in nothing but black slacks and a white button-down shirt. And…he was really far too beautifully sculpted to be allowed to wear his shirt like that, hanging open, only half the buttons doing their job. Saïx felt saliva pool in his mouth at the sight of a tanned chest and stomach…but he forced his voice to remain even when he spoke.

"Would you like dinner now, Sir, or if you've already eaten…"

"Get out." The monotone order cut him off, and Saïx froze.

"Sir?"

Golden eyes blinked apathetically at him. "Get out of this house," Xemnas elaborated flatly, his articulation slightly slurred, "and don't come back. Never show me your face again. Get out."

Time stopped for the dog. His heartbeat ceased and his stomach froze into a lump as Saïx stared ahead, uncomprehending for a moment before panicked shock began to wash through him in fast-building waves. _This can't be happening, can't be happening, he can't, I can't, can't, no!_

"S-Sir?" He swallowed again. He could barely get his voice out through his rasping, dry throat.

"You heard me." Xemnas' voice was still expressionless, but his eyes had focused a little, watching the devastated dog with a glimmer of interest.

For another long moment, Saïx stood in shock, mind blank but racing. And there was pain inside, pain as he realized what the order had meant, pain as he slowly set down the clothing, pain in one long, last look at the master he idolized and adored…

"Yes, Sir." He couldn't manage more than a whisper. He turned and walked to the door.

He stopped in his tracks, however, when Xemnas spoke again, calling blandly after him, "You know, that's the most irritating thing about you. You've always been like that. You'd lie down and die on my order, wouldn't you…Saïx?"

His broken heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name on those lips, but Saïx didn't dare to hope… Still, the sound of rustling made him turn back. He had to. Xemnas was standing now, leaning unsteadily against the armrest of the sofa for a moment before he gained his balance and stood straight.

Feverish brightness glittered in gold, watching him. "You'll never get anywhere like that. That's the reason you couldn't run the company as well as I can. That's your problem. A man has to have the ability to stand up and _take_ what he wants for himself. You…" He shook his head, a wry, mirthless smile on his lips, "you'll never get what you want if you wait for it to come to you. Either you get your fists around the thing you're after and never let go…or you walk out the door, beaten and weak. Worthless." Still wearing that cruel smile, Xemnas stepped slowly forward, carefully keeping his balance as he moved to pass Saïx and leave the room.

Saïx remained standing by the door for several minutes. Through the shock and the disbelief that he had even _heard _those words, he finally reached a conclusion. He had been ordered to leave, but he had also been…dared to stay? He wasn't sure. It might only be his hope, and there was no way to be safe and make certain. But… _He told me to get out. I don't…I don't have anything to lose anymore. _

With that thought, Saïx turned abruptly from the room. He strode through the mansion rapidly, eyes flickering into rooms as he passed, just making sure they were empty as he headed for the destination his instincts told him to seek. And when he reached that door, he only paused a moment, blood rushing loudly in his ears, before he turned the handle and stepped into Xemnas' bedroom – without knocking.

Bright gold regarded him calmly from where Xemnas lay stretched out on his massive bed. Neither of them spoke. Saïx drew in a deep breath and shut the door behind himself, then took a slow step toward the bed…and another…and then a quicker step, and quicker. Before he knew it, he was crawling across bed sheets to the man who still hadn't moved, whose eyes betrayed nothing – only watched.

There was the faintest tremor in his hands as Saïx reached forward, brushing white fabric aside to touch his master's chest… In a flash, his hand was violently swatted away. Those golden eyes were hard with anger…but the dog only hesitated for one uncertain moment. _Obedience now will only end everything. And if it's already over…take him. Take him now…you will never see him again._

Resolved, Saïx moved faster this time, launching forward and grasping Xemnas' shirt with both hands, tearing it open and away from the man's body. His advance was met immediately by a hard shove to both shoulders throwing him off…but only for a moment. Just as fast, Saïx reacted to the struggle and threw himself forward again, shoving Xemnas down onto the mattress and planting a forearm against the man's throat, pinning him. A long, low growl rumbled in his chest, his lips pulling back from his teeth as his free hand immediately found the front of Xemnas' slacks and violently tore the button and zipper open. It only took a heartbeat, and then his hand was fumbling to get underneath fabric…but he was stopped by a sudden slashing blow across his face, quickly followed by a knee in his stomach throwing him off.

Xemnas was fighting. He still said nothing, but there was no violence held back in his struggle.

However, Saïx had already made his decision. Now, fighting only aroused him more. He felt heat surge through him at the challenge, and he wanted, _needed_ to possess this man, to take him by force. He growled louder, grasping the arms that struggled to throw him off again, and slammed Xemnas down, then lifted him up again and practically threw him over onto his side before the man could react. With another shove he had Xemnas on his stomach, a fist around the back of his neck pinning the man on his face as Saïx dragged first the shirt, then the loose slacks down and off, stripping his master completely. Xemnas writhed, trying to reach back and hit him, but he couldn't reach. The best he could manage was to claw at the forearm that held his head down, and Saïx was above even wincing at that small amount of pain.

He laved his tongue over his own hand quickly, then pressed his fingers into the cleft in Xemnas' ass, groping toward the opening and digging into it immediately. He heard Xemnas' breath catch, and then, finally, words.

"How dare you! How…dare…you!" The voice was muffled in a pillow and came slowly, ground out from between clenched teeth – but they were already past the point of no return. Saïx could feel his master's hole stretching almost too willingly around his fingers…like the intrusion wasn't all that unfamiliar. He didn't answer except with another threatening growl as he released the man's neck, quickly grasping his hips instead – hard enough to bruise, easily – and raising Xemnas onto his knees.

Now he was open, vulnerable, and his struggle did not deter Saïx in the slightest as he leaned forward and probed the loosened hole with his tongue. And now he could plainly see – Xemnas may fight and curse, but his cock was erect. The member hanging between his legs was flushed and looked painfully hard…and Saïx felt even more blood rush to his own groin as his lips curved upward in a satisfied smirk. _Yes Master…I won't make you wait anymore._ He sank his teeth into the firm curve of Xemnas' ass to show his approval. Then he straightened to his knees and tore his own clothing off as if it were tissue paper.

"If you even think about _ahhhhhh!_" Another growl from Xemnas ended in a scream. Saïx didn't stop, however – he ignored the man's convulsions and continued driving into him, not stopping until his hips were crushed against that tight ass. Then, leaning forward, he pressed himself against his master's back, gripping his upper body to anchor himself and growling into the man's ear.

"I will not leave. Never." He drew back slowly, then rammed inward again, fast. "If you want to be rid of me…" Another hard thrust. "…You must have me arrested for rape." Another thrust. Another. Moans wrenched from Xemnas' throat, muffled in the sheet he was biting. "Have me hauled away to warm the cell you just left." He rammed in harder, biting the ear before growling into it again. "But when I'm released, I'll still come back." A choked groan. "Because you. Are. _Mine_." Thrusts punctuated his every word now as he ravished his master. "_Mine. Mine. Mine!_ _Until…you…die. Mine!_"

The proud, arrogant man was writhing, incoherent sounds of pain and lust breaking from his throat with every thrust. The dream was so deliciously real – sweat and dark skin, a slippery opening gripping Saïx as he pounded into that wet heat, cries of desire and fury and _need_ filling the otherwise quiet room in the empty house. Moans of pain when his claws dug into arms and chest, gripping tighter, thrusting harder, racing toward orgasm. His teeth sank into tense flesh – a firm shoulder, the back of Xemnas' neck – breaking the bronze skin and decorating it with ruby drops. _So beautiful…Master…_

He was ready. He couldn't wait anymore. With one hand still holding Xemnas against his body, Saïx moved the other down, grasping his master's erection with a tight squeeze and jerking a few times, quickly. His body quivered almost at once, his cock pulsing as he climaxed in Saïx's hand, the sheet doing little to quiet his scream. Saïx made himself wait – just a little longer, just until Xemnas was finished. _Now…feel me as I mark you, Master._

He released, shooting his seed into Xemnas' body. It was burning hot and throbbing – a thousand times better than any other orgasm in his life. And it was final, now. Even if he had wished to return to his obedient role, Saïx knew. He would claw his way back; no matter how far away Xemnas threw him, he would always return…for this man. His master could not say or do anything to stop him, not now, not ever again.

"You are mine," he breathed, his body relaxing and withdrawing. He made no move to lie down, however. As sated and relaxed as he felt, Saïx fully expected to be punched as soon as Xemnas had enough strength back to hit him. So he remained where he was, kneeling, arms braced on either side of Xemnas and holding himself up, waiting for the lash of indignant rage.

What came instead shocked him even deeper than being told to leave had.

Saïx felt and saw the tremors begin in Xemnas' body, and before he'd had time to realize and believe in what he was seeing, the man was shaking like a leaf, curling in on himself and trembling like a beaten child. He still didn't make a sound, however – his teeth were grinding together, desperately determined to remain silent.

Brow furrowing in uncomprehending fear, Saïx shifted, leaning down a little and carefully resting a hand on smooth white hair. "Master?" he began, worried.

His whole body tensed, almost jumping, when Xemnas moved suddenly and shaking hands snapped up to grab Saïx's hand. The next moment Saïx's heart skipped a beat as his palm was pressed to Xemnas' face. Hot breath exhaled shakily against his hand, which Xemnas almost crushed against his face, eyes closed, expression tortured. Voice…breathless and weak.

"Say it again."

Uncertain, Saïx tried – "Master…"

Another shudder shook Xemnas' body and he clutched tighter at the hand he held. "Again." His lips moved against Saïx's palm, overwhelming him.

"Master." The arm he supported himself on wavered weakly.

"Again!"

Saïx broke down, his arm giving way and he sank toward the trembling man, covering him with his warmth and repeating over and over, "Master, Master, Master, Master…" He didn't understand at all, but he couldn't suppress the desperate urge to help, to soothe. Whatever was wrong, he longed to fix it. He longed for _Xemnas_.

Again and again he whispered the word, closer and closer until he was speaking right in Xemnas' ear. Finally, the man moved. Saïx's hand was released, and golden eyes looked into his own. _Haunted_. Still-shaking hands reached for his face and grasped him, insistently tight. _Why does he look so haunted?_

A harsh pull dragged him down…and trembling, cold lips crushed against his own.

_A…kiss?_ Saïx felt like he might faint. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. They had never kissed before.

Now, Xemnas wouldn't let him go. He kept kissing, biting and sucking and desperate, and Saïx let go of his confusion and just responded on instinct, matching the furious pace of the kiss and pressing his master down into the bed again. When they finally parted, they were both gasping breathlessly, lips bruised and even bleeding, and Saïx felt like he was drifting in a haze of perfect bliss. "Master…" he sighed.

"Silence." The order was curt, and Saïx blinked in surprise. Xemnas was glaring at him, his eyes and tone no longer cold, but angry, and even though Saïx had expected anger at first, after that kiss…well, he was surprised all over again. Then Xemnas' expression changed, becoming aloof and haughty again, and his next order was delivered in a matching tone. "Go and make me a cup of tea."

It was just like every order he had given Saïx all month…except they were still naked and in bed together. But after only a moment of hesitation, Saïx slowly nodded. "Yes…Master." Not "sir." Not anymore…at least not here.

He rose and reached for his pants, only to be stopped by another command. "No. Do _not_ cover yourself."

_But the kitchen is all the way over in the other wing…_ He paused again, and again nodded. "Yes Master."

Saïx walked across the house naked, made tea, and brought it back. He felt like a sex slave, serving his master in the nude, and it thrilled him body and soul. He'd watched so many others given this privilege, he'd coveted this place for so long… And though he understood nothing about Xemnas' actions or behavior and had no idea what to expect next, Saïx didn't care. He returned with the tea and served the beautiful man who reclined in bed as if he owned the world, with his body on full display as if daring anyone to touch the untouchable.

And Saïx did. As Xemnas sipped his tea, his dog crawled forward and bent to kiss his feet reverently, whispering "Master" and growing aroused again as Xemnas permitted the touch.

They did not sleep until the early hours of the morning.

~o~

Saïx was never ordered away again, and they seemed to fall effortlessly into a pattern after that. In public, at work, Xemnas was "Sir" and his commands were absolute. At home, he was "Master" and Saïx was just as obedient a personal slave as he was an employee. But in bed…Xemnas was still "Master," but Saïx gave the orders. The master had become submissive to the point of greedily begging to be taken. And it was a thousand times better than the dog's best fantasy.

Xemnas never spoke a word of explanation. He never told his story, never mentioned his time in prison, and acted as if the new arrangement were obvious and had always existed. But over time, Saïx came to understand. As he shared the man's bed and saw his fears – when they gripped him and how he sought to drive them away – he figured out roughly what had happened.

After breaking dozens of boys' spirits, Xemnas had received a rather devastating crack in his own.

Saïx didn't think he'd ever _broken_…but he'd come close. He must have been claimed by some thug as soon as he entered prison and spent six years as a heavily abused bitch. The experience had changed him – he seemed to have forgotten how to dominate another sexually. What he'd once treated as unthinkable was now all his body seemed to know – being fucked roughly enough to border on rape was ingrained into him so badly that he didn't know what to do without it. At the same time, he was terrified of sexual contact – too many times being taken against his will, Saïx guessed. Xemnas couldn't bear to be touched without the reassurance of being the one in control. He found it in the worshipful reverence of his slave, in being addressed as "Master" even as he was ravished.

Saïx had waited so long that circumstances had finally turned to his favor, and the one he'd been dying for finally _needed_ _him_, and no one else. And, under their unspoken arrangement, Xemnas was gradually liberated from his fears and became…insatiable. Or almost so. Saïx was certainly up to the challenging task of trying to satisfy his master, and considering that Xemnas never sought another partner after that, Saïx must have done well enough.

~o~


	37. Side Story 5: Ever After

**Author's Note: **BAWWWW The End of The End! 8D Once again, thank you all so much! I hope you've enjoyed this fic, this week, these side stories, and that you didn't mind waiting until the end for Zexion and Demyx. XD

PS - Anyone who wants to know what Roxas was referring to at the reception - just ask. ;)

* * *

**Ever After  
**

"If you would just hold _still _for _two goddamn minutes, _Demyx!" Axel's frustrated voice broke out in the dressing room, failing to disturb the only other occupant _or_ to get Demyx to hold still. The blond musician bounced lightly on his toes, his face a beaming smile with just a trace of nervous jitters around the edges.

"Sorry Ax. I'm holding still. Am. _Will. _Right now." He steadied himself in front of the mirror, and Axel sighed and put his arms around Demyx's shoulders from behind, beginning again with his efforts to tie his friend's tie.

Cloud watched his younger brother and the best man as stoically as he might watch paint dry. "You're doing it wrong," was all he offered. Axel glared silently, already aware that telling Cloud _he_ should do it then would not work. Cloud's answer to _that_ was inevitably, "I have a job. I'm not doing yours."

Cloud's job, which allowed him to get out of doing anything else, was to walk Demyx down the aisle and give him away. This was apparently more difficult than Axel's job as best man – _stand there and look pretty_ – so Cloud considered his day _full_ and Axel _lazy_ for not taking care of all the rest.

Axel didn't know why they needed the obnoxious pain in the ass around anyway…except he _did_ know, damn it. Cloud was Demyx's only close living relative since his mom has passed away, except for an estranged father who had never replied to the invite to even _come_ to his gay son's commitment ceremony. And while Cloud was annoying as hell most of the time, his unfazable attitude had come in handy just this once – being asked to give his brother away hadn't made him so much as blink. Axel was actually pretty grateful for that. Demyx and Zexion needed all the supportive family members they could get – between the two of them, their count was a little low.

_Finally_ managing to get Demyx's tie tied, Axel stepped back. "There. Don't tug on it! Geez. You're gonna screw up all my work."

Demyx wasn't really listening. "Axel? Do you think the others are doing okay? Should we maybe check on them? If they need anything…"

Axel planted a hand on Demyx's chest and stopped him from leaving the room – for the fifteenth time. "They're _fine_. Roxas will take care of Zexion. You just _chill_."

Demyx took a deep breath and nodded, trying. "Right. Okay. Everything's fine. It's just a walk, a few words, couple rings, and a kiss, right? No big deal. We can totally handle that. It's good. We're _great._ We're gonna…" Demyx paled. "We're gonna be together for the rest of our lives, after all…"

Axel watched his friend's breathing speed up. Again. _Good lord, here it comes…_

Demyx turned to him suddenly. "Axel, what if he changes his mind? What if he doesn't wanna go through with it? What if we totally don't work, and we end up just another horrible statistic? What if I can never get his family to like me? Oh my God…what am I _doing?_"

And again, Axel stepped in, grabbing his friend's shoulders and shaking a little while Cloud sipped water and stared out the window at the lovely spring day. "Demyx. Stop _worrying_. You're marrying the guy you _love_. He _loves you_ as much as you love him, and you're both going to be completely happy together. That's _it._ It's not complicated. It's what you _want._"

For a long moment, Demyx held his breath…then let it out in a seemingly endless sigh. "You're right." He relaxed with a sheepish grin. "You're right Axel. I'm being silly. It's fine. I'm happy, I'm just…nervous."

"Yeah," Axel grinned, slapping Demyx's shoulder. "It's okay. Everyone is. You'll be fine."

Things seemed to be looking up, when all of a sudden blue-green eyes shot wide again. "Oh my God, did we remember to tell the caterer about the extra three guests? I have to call right now and…"

Axel sighed as he prepared to settle Demyx down _again_. He just hoped Roxas was faring better. _Damn it, Zexion's probably cool as a cucumber and sipping tea. _

~o~

Zexion _was _sipping tea…but Roxas had covered him in a makeshift apron made from a table cloth before he served it, because Zexion's hand was about as steady as a palm tree in a hurricane right now, and Roxas didn't want him spilling tea on his tux.

"Ah, you spilled again," the dark-haired girl in the room with them leaned forward to dab a napkin at the tea spots covering the table cloth.

"Sorry," Zexion murmured absent-mindedly. Roxas sighed. This was worrying him. Zexion, the model of efficiency, had been ready for twenty minutes now, and it was still ten minutes before the ceremony. He was unnaturally silent, and he seemed perfectly composed…except for the violently shaking hands. Roxas was getting worried that he'd pass out halfway down the aisle…and even if Zexion wasn't a big guy, Xion didn't look quite strong enough to catch him.

Zexion's sister was the only member of his family who had chosen to come to the wedding. The rest of them were still not speaking to their "embarrassment" of a son. They refused to hear explanations, and to them, the invitation to their son's marriage to another _man_ was only further proof that he was determined to humiliate them. Only Xion had listened. Now, she was trying her best to get the others to hear Zexion's side of the story, but she hadn't been able to make any headway before the wedding. As a result, she was the only one willing to come, and though giving Zexion away was more or less her job by default, she was graciously honored to have it.

She was also very attentive and helpful to have around right now, since Roxas wasn't really sure how to handle the nervous groom. He was Zexion's "best man," but only because he was the only friend Zexion really _had _at the moment, aside from Demyx. And, well, Demyx was the other groom.

…And Zexion didn't appear to be blinking. _Crap._

"Zex, what's the matter? You nervous?" Xion asked gently, petting his arm.

A stiff headshake. "I'm not nervous."

Xion gave Roxas a Look. "Well. I'll get more tea, then." She left the room before Roxas could realize that, given the choice between getting tea and being alone with a near-freaked Zexion…he'd rather make tea.

He sighed and sat down next to the other man – or rather, the breathing statue. There was silence for a few minutes, while Roxas wondered what to say. _Ugh…being a counselor is hard._ Finally, he decided to just try the direct approach. Glancing over, he asked, "You're nervous, aren't you?"

Like a stuck record, Zexion began with a headshake, "I'm not…"

"You are," Roxas interrupted. "You're nervous." Zexion didn't answer. "It's okay to be nervous, you know," Roxas offered. He tried a weak smile. "Everyone is. It's okay."

Zexion was silent for a moment, then spoke quickly and evenly. "I'm not nervous because if I was nervous it would mean I was having second thoughts and I'm not having second thoughts this is what I want to do and there's no logical reason to question this decision at this point therefore I'm not nervous."

Roxas sighed. "Zexion, don't be silly. Feeling nervous does _not_ mean you're changing your mind. It's just…adrenaline or something. Like…the rush before you do something big, like, I dunno, bungee jumping…" He was going to finish his attempt at explaining, but Zexion turned to him with wide eyes and cut him off.

"Why do people _do_ that? I have never understood the point of throwing oneself off a high point just to bounce up and down in the air! Besides, it isn't safe at all! The cord might break, the distance might be miscalculated, you could hit the ground, you could hit something else nearby, it's just an irrational, pointless, _meaningless_ risk of life and limb, and yet people do it!" His voice was getting louder – thin and high and agitated. "_Why_ do people do it? Why can't they _stay on the ground where they are_ like rational, _logical_ creatures? Why do people have to endanger what they _have_ with some crazy, risky move like…"

"Zexion!" Roxas interrupted. He had a feeling this wasn't about bungee jumping anymore. The other man jumped when he heard his name, as if he'd forgotten there was someone else there. Roxas sighed yet again. "This might seem like a change of subject, but you know, you're not risking anything today. You and Demyx love each other and want to stay together for the rest of your lives anyway. This is just…stating the fact. Like, um…well like, you would never rob a bank, right?" Zexion's forehead crinkled slightly as he shook his head. "Right. So would it be really difficult for you to promise someone that you will never rob their bank?"

Zexion blinked a moment. "No. Obviously."

"Right," Roxas continued. "So this is like that. You never want to break up with Demyx, right? And you're not changing your mind about that?" A slow nod. "And after all your advice to me about believing in your lover and his feelings, you don't doubt Demyx when he says he feels the same, do you?"

"No, he's…I believe him. I trust him." Zexion rubbed a hand over his eyebrows.

"So," Roxas concluded, "this is just both of you stating the obvious, really. If it's already an unquestionable fact, why should it be hard to say it?"

Zexion seemed to process this for a minute, rechecking the logic. Then, he sighed – and most of the tense tremors left his hands. "That's true…I hadn't thought of it like that. It seems so…huge somehow."

Roxas smiled slightly. "_Seems?_ Isn't that a little…illogical?"

Blinking again, Zexion seemed startled for a moment, before he relaxed even further, finally smiling a little ruefully. "That's true. You're right. How…silly."

When Xion came back with the tea, she found her brother looking much more relaxed and happy. She didn't comment, however, except to raise an inquiring eyebrow at Roxas, who just smiled and shrugged one shoulder. _I might make a good counselor myself, someday,_ Roxas thought.

~o~

Zexion didn't faint on Xion. Demyx cried at the altar, a little bit. Axel and Roxas stood across from each other and mostly paid attention to the ceremony, but Roxas didn't miss the significant little eyebrow wiggle Axel gave him in a moment when their eyes met. He blushed and directed his attention firmly back to their friends, instead of his lover looking smoking hot in a tux. Axel made a show of doing the same, but he kept one eye on Roxas the whole time.

The service was small, but the reception was a little bigger. Zexion and Demyx were both a _lot_ more relaxed by then, and more capable of dealing with other people…sort of. They were a little distracted by each other.

Demyx's father turned up midway through the reception. The man had apparently decided that his dislike of gay weddings was less important than his fondness for free alcohol, so he showed up and proceeded to get blind drunk. Demyx was so happy at that point, however, that almost nothing could bother him, and he was just glad his father had come at all. Xion ended up being the one who had to keep an eye on the man and discreetly tell the bartender when to stop serving him actual alcohol. Demyx's father got the idea that Xion was Demyx's bride – having forgotten that his son married a man. Xion – who wasn't even wearing white; her dress was a champagne color – tolerated the mistake and smiled as the man slurred about how she was a "vurry pretty lady, vurry good girl." Luckily, rather than making a scene while drunk, Demyx's father passed out on the bar shortly after that, leaving Xion free to get back to her brother's reception.

Roxas gave a very nice best man toast, and Axel _began _to give a _very _inappropriate one, to Zexion's horror, but Roxas quickly sidled up next to him and pinched his ass, then murmured under his breath, "Be nice and tonight I'll do that thing you like," so Axel coughed and gave a much more appropriate toast than he'd been planning. He also went the rest of the evening with an excited sparkle dancing in his green eyes. Zexion was incredibly relieved, and Demyx was happy that Zexion wasn't upset.

Demyx, however, was a confirmed cake-smusher. Zexion had already tried to talk him out of the high, honored tradition of the newlyweds shoving cake in each other's faces, but Demyx had made it clear that it was going to happen no matter what Zexion said because it was his favorite part of a wedding reception, so Zexion just needed to get used to the idea. And…Zexion did. Demyx gave in on virtually every other disagreement, so Zexion had decided that it was only equitable for him to bend a little as well. So he wasn't at all surprised by the cake smushed cheerfully into his face, and he even managed a good sense of humor about it as he smushed his piece all over Demyx in return. And then Demyx beamed at him and kissed him soundly…and then he started licking at Zexion's cake-and-icing covered lips, and the next thing the slate-haired groom knew, Demyx had grabbed a nearby plate to hide behind while they cleaned each other's faces off without the help of napkins.

Axel got pictures of the two of them right after, faces glistening with saliva and redder than the roses in their boutonnieres. He got pictures of the plate, too, but he couldn't get around behind the couple in time to catch the really juicy shots.

Not having either a bride's bouquet or a bride's garter to toss, Zexion and Demyx took turns throwing their boutonnieres. Xion caught Zexion's, and Demyx's smacked Roxas in the face before Axel nearly knocked him over grabbing for it…and it ended up in a six-year-old boy's hands by accident. Axel was heard to mumble, "Smacked in the face counts just as well as catching, damn it."

In short, the grooms got over their jitters, the wedding was lovely, the reception had its memorable moments and thankfully no disasters, and Zexion and Demyx were married one warm evening in May. Neither of them had the money for much of a honeymoon – Demyx's work was only just beginning to pick up, and Zexion had only recently started at his new job – but Axel and Xion chipped in so they could stay in the nicest honeymoon suit atop a sky-rise hotel overlooking the city.

Demyx could _not _get over the tiny little bottles of alcohol in the fridge, or the mints on the pillows, or the concierge, or the _view_. Zexion could _not_ get over how unbearably wonderful it felt to hold Demyx and feel those familiar arms around him as well and know that they were _married_, this was his _husband _now, not just "lover" anymore. It was almost enough to make him cry…and he also had to bite his lip a little to withhold small exclamations of delight at how beautifully _clean_ the room was and how nicely the bed was made.

Until they…unmade it. Of course.

~o~


End file.
